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He’s sick, sure, but it’s not like he’s sick, you know?
His body is a little off and doesn’t always work like it should and he takes medication and has regular doctor appointments but its not like he’s that sick, right?
He shouldn’t think this much about it, nothing good ever comes out off it anyways. Its just so easy to get stuck thinking about the whole thing, remembering, reflecting. Its not like he’ll ever know what its like without it, so how is he supposed to explain what its like with it?
Suna was diagnosed with “juvenile rheumatoid arthritis” ,or JRA to make it easier, at barely four years old. To explain it simply and quickly it causes joint inflammation and stiffness. And pain. And constant fatigue, not to mention the side effects from the medication, such as throwing up, nausea and even more tiredness. And of course, how could he forget, it can also affect your eyes. The surgery Suna had to have at 8 years old proved that all right. Still if you’d ask Suna himself about it he would say its not that bad, because on a daily basis you can’t really tell you’re supposed to be sick. Its not like he’s always in pain or always throwing up, so honestly? Not that bad. Its also all he ever known, its not like he remembers a time before the meds and doctors and will probably never get to experience one either. But that’s okay. Or it will be. Because even though its all you even known, there comes a time where you’re 17 and somehow have to come to terms with that this has been your entire life and always will be your entire life, which isn’t as easy as you would have thought.
Chapter 1 – 2:47 am
It was hurting again.
It started getting worse two weeks ago. At the time he didn’t think twice about it because random aching was nothing new, but now it was becoming a bit too regular. I guess the weather going from hot to cold non stop lately is too much for me, Suna thinks while stepping out of their apartment, Atsumu’s and Suna’s apartment that is.
They’ve been best friends since they were six years old, after meeting at the kids part of the hospital and fighting over the same mint green princess dress at the dress-up wall until Suna’s parents came and broke them apart, they somehow became friends. And you know what they say, once hospital friends, always hospital friends. Well, no one actually says that but they do. Atsumu had been there for asthma, which he had pretty bad until he outgrew it. Some people are lucky like that. Of course there is always a chance it will come back for him but its been years since his last sign of it so no one really expects it to.
Turns out they lived pretty close to each other, so when Atsumu didn’t have to go to the hospital anymore they still were able to stay friends. They both ended up in the same high school, an hour away by car from where Suna lived and grew up. There wasn’t any busses and his parents couldn’t drive him back and forth to school everyday so the best alternative was to move. Atsumu, who was in a similar situation, suggested they’d become roommates and share an apartment to cut the costs. And really who could say no to that? Moving out at barely 16 and living with your best friend? Of course Suna said yes. You’d think it was a mistake waiting to happen but both of them were way too scared to loose the apartment to fuck it up too much, and they really did manage everything well. Being friends with Atsumu also meant you’d automatically become friends with his twin brother Osamu as well. You’d think the twins would want to keep living together since Osamu went to the same high school but Atsumu had straight up refused to keep sharing with his brother. No one really complained though, Osamu got to live with his boyfriend Akaashi instead.
They all lived in the same complex too, Osamu’s and Akaashi’s apartment being just below Suna’s and Atsumu’s. It was close to school and luckily for Suna, there was a gas station open 24/7 just across the street. And if he was going to keep having nights like these, were he’d already taken the maximum amount of painkillers for one day and heating pads weren’t working anymore, he would probably become a late night regular. At times like these, were the aching in his knees and legs wouldn’t go away, he found it better to just get up and walk. Laying down and tying to sleep would just make him feel too much, he needed some kind of distraction.
So, stepping out into the night and going on a little walk to the gas station (who was called The Fox by the way. He had no idea why.) to get some energy drinks so he could outwait the pain was really his last option at the moment. He had gone on some late night walks these past two weeks but never actually been to The Fox before, tonight though, he thought sleeping wouldn’t be worth the effort. It didn’t really take long walking over there, but Suna liked taking his time, walking with his head tipped back and looking at the stars, the few he could see here in the city. He was out to distract himself after all.
The Fox was kind of old looking, it had definitely seen better days and could use a new paint job, but it was still welcoming to Suna in his tired and lowkey exhausted state. A little bell chimed above the door as he went in and the bright, white light from the led lamps hurt his eyes for a second before they adjusted. Eyes quickly scanning over the small layout of the store, he managed to find the cooler with energy drinks right by the counter. He walked over and began the search for his favorite flavor, by the time he realized they didn’t have it and settled for another the person working the night shift had walked out from the backroom and settled for observing Suna from just over the counter. And Suna who had been a bit too focused on finding something to drink had not noticed the other watching him, so when he turned to actually pay for his drink, he did what any normal person would have done. Shrieked, like a little girl. At which the worker burst out laughing, which, honestly, kind of rude. It wasn’t Suna’s fault he’d been to occupied searching for his favorite they didn’t even have to notice another human being had actually entered the room. Luckily he quickly managed to, somewhat, get his shit together and now stood staring at the other while they slowly regained the ability to breathe and oh, woah..
Suna usually wasn’t the type to fall in love with strangers, not like Atsumu did. Atsumu fell for anyone and everyone and Suna had been there for way to many heartbreaks to be considered healthy. But this stranger might just make Suna understand where Atsumu was coming from. He had light brown hair, kind of funny looking eyebrows that somehow were adorable at the same time, the prettiest smile and kindest eyes Suna had ever seen. Not to mention his laugh omg how could someone’s laugh sound so amazin-
“Are you going to pay for that?”
The question made Suna snap back into the real world and he realized, to his horror, he’d just been standing there with and energy drink in his had starring blackly at the other for god knows how long. Great. Fortunately for him he never really got embarrassed easily, or at least could hide it well. Though, he didn’t end up saying a single word back as he paid and made his way out of the gas station, maybe he was in some sort of shock from meeting such and beautiful person? Who knows? Not his stupid, gay brain, that’s for sure.
He wasn’t sure what kind of expression he made when entering the apartment but it must have been something else, because even as Atsumu started throwing questions at him as soon as he was through the door, asking where the fuck he had been at 2 am on a Tuesday, something about his face must have given it away.
“Okay, exactly what were you up to? Did ya meet with some secret lover or something?” Suna really hated Atsumu’s ability to read people so easily right now, why is he even awake anyways?
“I think I just feel in love” Suna dumbly replied. Which really wasn’t his best idea since he now would absolutely not be allowed to even try going to sleep without telling Atsumu the whole, slightly embarrassing story with as much detail as possible. Not that he really minded, he had been looking for a distraction after all.
Even as the aching still hadn’t completely gone away by the time he was trying to sleep he found it easy enough to ignore, his mind was busy thinking about Komori, because even though his brain had shut down any ability to have an actual conversation, it did manage to catch the mans worn, slightly scratched nametag. More specifically, Suna was stuck thinking about Komori’s words. That one sentence he had said just as Suna stepped out the door, quietly so he almost didn’t hear it.
“I’ll see you around”
Suna closed his eyes and tried forcing himself to sleep. Tried forcing himself to not think it sounded like a promise.