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If you asked Mark, he wouldn’t be able to tell you when he “came out” exactly. In fact he rarely even uses the term. As much as it seems like Mark’s whole personality is pretty much just making a big deal out of everything, that only really applies to things outside of himself. His mom says that if you were to take Mark at his word then it would be easy to believe that Mark never has anything going on in his life. That he’s just some average joe wasting his days away. And Mark would counter that there’s no point in hyping himself up when she does it enough for the both of them. His mother would just roll her eyes and pretend that Mark doesn’t malfunction every time he gets an ounce of positive attention. Which is probably why he never had a distinct coming out moment. The idea of sitting his family and friends down and telling them that he was pansexual, was about as unfathomable to him as the idea of him attempting to keep it a secret. All Mark could tell you was that by the time he was 13, everybody knew, even if the actual word pansexual wasn’t in his vocabulary until way into high school.
The problem with being out as an awkward baby teen - or at least in Mark’s opinion - is that he can never be seen hanging out with just one person and avoid dating questions. Part of him is a little flattered that everyone seems to think that he is apparently smooth enough to trick so many people into going out with him, but an overruling part of him is annoyed that apparently nobody around him thinks that he’s capable of being just friends with someone. He remembers one pride month when Jungwoo, the only other out kid in his class, pinned a tiny rainbow badge to his backpack. Mark couldn’t even breathe in the same room as him without some big brain coming up to them with their totally original idea to try to set them up. As much as Mark loves Jungwoo, the thought of actually dating him gives him hives.
So needless to say, Mark has been accused of dating his friends more times than he cares to count. In fact, if you have never been accused at least twice of dating Mark, then chances are Mark would sooner call the police himself than help you bury a body if it came down to it. One time could happen to anybody, and people usually shut up after being set straight the first time. But it’s only the inner circle that attracts the more insistent questions. That being said, there was one incident that forever stands out in Mark’s mind.
It’s been years since Mark has heard from Yuta Nakamoto, that older exchange student from Japan, and Mark still can’t seem to shake him from his mind. He has no idea why someone as cool as Yuta had wanted to hangout with an awkward baby teen Mark, but he basically encouraged Mark pathetically, following him around for a whole semester.
Whenever Mark thinks about Yuta, he has a bit of an outer body experience. Even though he’s pretty sure that the memories are his own, and that they are in fact memories and not a figment of his imagination, he sees that semester with Yuta as a bystander. As if he is standing on the outside of himself, watching his 13 year old disaster self malfunction at a question that he’s heard about a thousand times before.
School is done for the day, but Yuta and Mark are still hanging around for a reason that he can no longer remember. He doesn’t remember what they were talking about on that day, but baby Mark must have found it - like everything Yuta said - really funny because Mark sees his younger self letting out a loud laugh at whatever it was. It was then, that a girl in his class that he never really spoke to, walks up to them and asks them if they were dating, suspiciously looking between the two of them.
Mark promptly chokes on air as if the 13 years of experience he has breathing was not enough time to perfect it. It was nowhere near his first time hearing the question, so he has no idea why he’s basically short circuiting. Maybe it was because she had the audacity to think that Yuta would ever want to go out with a kid like him. Adult Mark has no idea how Yuta denied that they were dating, because baby teen Mark was too busy having a nervous breakdown to pay attention at the time. He has no idea how he must have felt at the time, but now as an adult, Mark can privately admit to himself that for once, he would not have minded if the answer was actually yes, he and Yuta were dating.
Except Mark and Yuta were not dating, far from it, and for the most part Mark forgot about that day. He let what comes with being an out kid in 7th grade take over his mind for the rest of the semester. But in true Mark Lee fashion, he can never forget that he is primarily a disaster for too long.
It was near the end of the semester and Yuta was going back to Japan soon, but it was okay because there were lots of promises all round to stay in touch. Mark was busy texting Yuta about how most of his grade is so upset to see Yuta leave, because everyone is half in love with the Japanese male.
Yuta: Don’t exaggerate Mark!
Mark: Seriously Hyung! You’re so handsome, I’m surprised that you didn’t know.
Yuta: I know that I am handsome. Hyung just wants to hear it from you 😉
Mark: HYUNG!
Mark: Why are you like this?
Mark: It’s actually so annoying how hot you are Hyung.
Yuta: 😂😂
Yuta: Don’t worry, Hyung will kiss you better 😉
Years later, Mark will realise that his younger self tended to be very accidentally flirty more often than not, back when he used to say what was on his mind without thinking about the consequences. Adult Mark could see a response like Yuta’s coming, especially with how Mark had been talking, but awkward, barely a teen Mark, who apparently still hasn’t perfected the art of breathing, was shaken to his core. Not because he was opposed to the idea like he should be, but by just how very unopposed to the idea he was. But before Mark could even formulate a response, Yuta did it for him.
Yuta: Haha Mark. I’m just kidding
Now Mark’s just embarrassed. It’s one thing for Yuta, being as cool, hot and just pure sunshine breaking through the nimbus cloud that is Mark’s world as he is, to make Mark realise over text that Mark has the biggest crush on him like he just did, but for Mark to think that for one minute that he wasn’t just some lame kid who followed Yuta around all semester, was just humiliating. Mark can just see Yuta now, how he’s always ruffling his hair and saying how cute Mark is. Mark should have known when Yuta basically said that he would make out with Mark to make him feel better. Yuta’s Korean isn’t perfect but Mark knows that he knows enough to know that using the Konglish word ‘kiss’ does not have the same connotations as the actual Korean word ‘ppoppo’. At the end of the day Mark was always just going to be some kid to Yuta.
It’s been about a decade since Mark has last heard from Yuta, and he’s sure that Yuta wouldn’t remember that little Korean kid that used to follow him around everywhere that one semester he spent in Korea. But he’s agonised over him enough to consider that maybe Yuta wasn’t kidding that day, and maybe like Mark, he just found it easier to choke. Maybe he has also thought about what it would have been like if they could have said that they were in fact dating that afternoon. But it’s more likely that Mark just made it all up in his head. Still to this day, he can’t listen to One OK Rock without thinking about The Osaka Prince, his almost first boyfriend. His almost first anything.