Work Text:
Dear Donald,
If you read this, I will be dead. This is nothing I am planning, but I must be prepared for the worst case and maybe there will be some things I didn’t told you, but I should have. I am writing this shortly after Stepanov interrogation and I don’t know how things will continue.
I know you hated me when we first met and there is no way you can deny that. But on the other hand you were there for me – right from the beginning. You cared about me when I got kidnapped by the Stewmaker, my father got killed by Reddington and during my marriage trouble with Tom. I think we grew on each other with every day we spend together and the longer we were partners, the more I could rely on you - no matter what I had done wrong. Even during the last few months, you would have done anything to help me and bring everything back to normal. Although I have treated you anything but well. I'm sorry for that. You deserve so much better and I wish I could give you that, because you are my rock – my tiny island of calm. I really want to say with this letter, if haven’t done it yet, I love you. I realised that, when I saw you with Hanna. You are so protective, always by my side and there for me. All the time I could rely on you. You are so funny, make me laugh. Our evenings at work, Wing Yee and with Aram were the light in my dark life. I told you everything because I could trust you more than I could trust anyone and in return, you were honest with me, even if I didn’t want to hear it. You stayed calm every time we were in trouble (At this moment I am thinking of this fake pregnant women in your living room. You did a “caesarean” what I could have never done.) and you saved my life so often – I think I can’t even count it. You were so handsome and sometimes pretty soft. By the way, I believe I know that you love me too. Just in case you haven’t told me yet too – I have known it. In my opinion we love you each other for such a long time but were to afraid to make the next step. I regret it. I wish we had had more time. After everything we have been through, we would have deserved it. My biggest wish was to walk through the park with my husband and kids. In my imagination, you were my husband and I’m so unbelievable sad, that this won’t happen ever.
This isn’t just a love letter. I need you one last time and it is a big question. The imagination that I won't get to see Agnes’ next birthdays, graduation, wedding, and so much more is so hard for me. I will miss so much and she will be alone. The only thing that would reassure me is that hopefully you will stand by her side as you stood by mine. That is why I am begging you to take care of Agnes. I trust you the most and I believe, you are the only person who will raise her to be a good person. Protect her as you protected me. You would be the best father for her. And tell her about me. How I acted, what I did, how I looked. I know, you and Tom weren’t the best friends, but I would be very thankful if you tell her about him to. He is her father. So please, tell her stories about us. Moreover, please make her stay away from Reddington. She should have an ordinary life without trouble like I had with him and this is the only way.
In addition, I think you are going to need her as much as she needs you. You have to stay in the light for yourself and Agnes. Please, don’t look for answers, Agnes is the only thing that matters. Even if the imagination hurts me, because I can’t be a part of it, don’t forget about the pain to find a new love and build up an own family. It may be difficult at first, but you will get so much more out of it. We both know that.
Tell Aram and Cooper that I love them. You were my real family.
I love you.
Liz
PS: I was there. The night you were waiting for me on the bench in the park. I was there. And I regret that I didn’t get out of the car. Especially because I don't know why I didn't.