Chapter Text
You’re getting a new patient today and if you’ll be honest you’re a little nervous. Not that you are normally nervous to meet patients, you’re more professional than that. But this one… This one is a little bit more complicated. You’re used to keeping secrets about your patients’ lives, confidentiality after all. But this secret… This one feels like it’s going to be a lot harder to keep. Because your patient used to be Darth Vader. Apparently he’s Princess Leia’s brother's dad? At least, that’s how she put it. You weren’t going to turn down the Princess or her Jedi brother. So, perhaps stupidly, you agreed to counsel Anakin Skywalker.
Naturally, you wonder why on earth Darth Vader would want therapy from you. Well, the answer is he doesn’t. Him coming to therapy is apparently a part of some deal in order to keep him from getting some amount of prison time? You think that he should still go to prison. All of the atrocities you heard of him doing during the reign of the empire, which was just a few months ago, you’re not usually one to judge, but it seems kind of unforgivable. But then again, it’s basically a special favor for Luke Skywalker. He wants to get to know his father. And if the golden boy of the rebellion wants something, he’s going to get it. You never cared much for that type of sentiment. But you’re going to do your job, you’re going to do it the best you can. And you are going to hope that you don’t get killed because of this.
If Luke says he’s changed, maybe he’s changed. And you know that it is your sovereign duty to help inspire more of that change. But, still you pray that the Force is with you through… Whatever you’re about to go through.
You put Space Tabasco in your macaroni and cheese and grab a stiff drink. This is going to be quite a ride.
~
The first time Anakin Skywalker comes into your office, it’s obvious that he doesn’t want to be there. Not that you’ve never experienced that before, patients are often reluctant to open up in therapy, especially when it was government mandated.
He walks in with a slightly annoying swagger and sits down on the couch, spreading his legs a little too wide. He uses one of his new mechanical hands to pull down his hood further over his eyes. You can see the burn scars. You’re aware that apparently he can read thoughts and sense feelings. You do your best to keep the most neutral demeanor as possible. Thankfully, you’ve had years of practice.
“Look,” he says with a sigh, his pale lips formed into a slight pout. “I don’t want to be here, you probably don’t want to be here, let’s just not do this and say that we did.“
So this is gonna be the hard way.
“I’m sorry Mr. Skywalker, but you know I can’t do that.” You say, again keeping a calm, cool tone. You wait for a sign of anger from him and it doesn’t come. He simply seems defeated. Like he knows he’s having to do something he doesn’t want to. Almost like a child. You write that down.
“Fine- Hey what are you writing down? I haven’t even said anything yet.” He leans over and tries to get a glimpse of your notes. This is also normal behavior. But, honestly you didn’t know what you were expecting. Maybe you thought that he would come in, draw his lightsaber, and run you through? But instead you just see a typical case of a nervous therapy newbie.
“Please, try not to worry about it Mr. Skywalker. I’m simply doing my job. And all I ask is that you do yours as well.” You decide to take a gander and smile. And, for some reason, it surprises you that your smile seems to calm him a little. Looking at him more, he really just seems lost. So you take a slightly nervous breath and form a first topic. “So, tell me a little bit about yourself.”
He slouches back and rolls his eyes overdramatically. “I’m sure they told you everything. I don’t really know what else you want to know. I was the right hand man of the Emperor. I terrorized the galaxy for 23 years, but then I found my son, and decided not to die. And now I’m stuck doing this. What else would you need to know?”
“Oh you’d be surprised as to how much more there is then just that. Let’s start with your childhood?” As soon as it comes out of your mouth, you regret it. He tenses up and there seems to be a bit of anger in his eyes. No, a lot of anger in his eyes. It is very obvious that he does not like talking about his childhood. And that’s a sore spot that you’ve already opened up. You write that down, out of habit. That makes him more angry. Well shit, may it say on your tombstone: Here lies this dumbass who was stupid enough to piss off Darth Vader.
But, just as you are mentally reviewing your last will and testament, he seems to remember himself and calms down. You can practically see the amount of conflict in him. It’s… interesting to you. You’ve never really understood much about the Force and all that stuff. The Jedi were eradicated when you were very young and you weren’t exactly super excited to get to know much about the Sith.
“I really don’t like thinking about my past.” Anakin says, his frown deepening. “It’s painful.” He lowers his head more so you can only see the reflection of light off his ventilator. It’s only now that you notice the sound of air. A machine breathing for him. It’s not as loud as you remember hearing about, but it’s still persistently present.
You have a theory.
“Alright then, let’s talk about the present. What would you say you are most afraid of?” You ask, feeling a little bold.
He looks up suddenly, but not in anger. “I’m not-“ he begins but then shakes his head. “I don’t know. Loosing my son? My daughter never loving me?”
You nod, writing a note. “And what do you think the root of those fears is?”
Anakin looks away from you again, his eyes downcast. It’s clear he knows the answer but is too afraid to say it.
He’s been wearing a mask for so long he’s forgotten how to control his face.
“Myself.” He finally admits, then clarifies. “F-fear of myself, that I’ll loose control and-“ he shakes his head, eyes narrowing in anger once more. “But that’s fucking obvious.”
His hands shake and his face becomes terrified again before he calms himself. You can almost feel the effort he’s having to put into it. You see his shoulder twitch and roll back slightly.
Something occurs to you, but you need more evidence to backup your theory. “Changing topics, can I ask you about the Force?”
Anakin relaxes when you ask that. “I guess, what do you need to know?”
“Hmm…” it occurs to you that you have no idea where to start. You know next to nothing about it. “Well, I suppose we should start with; what is it?”
He straightens up and gives you a seemingly rehearsed answer. “It’s a massive energy field that flows through every living thing and in between us as well. It binds the balance of the galaxy together.”
You still don’t really get it. “Isn’t it a power of some sort?”
“Oh, right.” He says as if he forgot. “Certain individuals are capable of feeling the Force to a stronger degree than others and they can wield it to do a variety of things. You’re probably most familiar with the concept of making things move without touching them, but that barely scratches the surface.” He looks like he wants to say something else but stops himself. The general discomfort is back and it’s strong.
“And… isn’t there a dark side?” You ask.
“Uhhh…” Anakin hesitates, clearly very uncomfortable.
“It’s addictive… isn’t it?” You say, leaning in.
And that’s it. You’ve hit the nail right on the head. His facial expression conveys uncertainty, then realization, then embarrassment and shame. His posture slumps and he apparently subconsciously pulls the hood farther down his face to where you can only see his chin.
“It’s like a disease.” He whispers so quietly you’re almost sure he didn’t mean for you to hear it.
“Yes,” you say nodding. “It is a disease. Sadly, there isn’t exactly a cure.”
His head moves up and you see his eyes widening in fear at hearing you say that, he starts to shut down again, you can tell. Panic, he’s panicking, and you feel yourself almost begin to panic too. It’s almost like he has some sort of effect on you.
“Mr. Skywalker, I assure you that it can be treated. We’re going to do the best we can to make sure that you don’t ever get back to that place again. And no matter what happens, you can always come back to me and I’ll help you every step of the way if you need it.”
“I see.” He seems to relax a little but there’s a bitterness in his eyes. “Just because it’s your job? Just because you’re being told you have to do this?”
“No, even if it wasn’t my job I’d still care. I went into this field because I care. And like I said, I’m going to do the best I can to help you. But I’m going to need you to do the best you can to help yourself. Because I can’t do all the work for you.” You say, looking at him pointedly.
“I understand.” He says softly, his eyes once again falling away. “What if I fail? What if I…” It’s clear to you that he can’t get the words out, that just saying the threat of what might happen could make it more real.
“If you do, you do. But it’s not inevitable.” You assure him. You’ve already started switching gears to treating him just like any other patient with an addiction disorder. Obviously, his addiction can cause the entire galaxy to fall into tyranny for 23 years or so, but if you think about that part of the problem too much, then you’re not gonna be able to help him.
He looks at you with uncertainty, but he nods and otherwise stays quiet. You think that maybe he opened up too much. Maybe you pushed him too far for a first session and you should ease up. So that’s exactly what you do. For the rest of the time you just talk to him about his son, which he is more than happy to give you all of his praise and gushing about Luke Skywalker. Just like everybody else in the facility, he loves that boy. And his love for him makes your heart flutter a little. This man has been through hell and back and he’s done unspeakable things, but at the end of the day he’s a father and that’s something that’s so incredibly genuine.
“All right, Mr. Skywalker-“ you start but he interrupts you.
“Anakin.” He says, the expression on his face is calm and even happy, probably from thinking about Luke so much. “Please, call Anakin. I don’t think anybody’s ever called me Mr. Skywalker and it’s a little weird hearing you do so.”
You can’t help but to smile. “Alright Anakin, I’ll see you next time.”
“Yeah, I guess.” He says, there’s still some reluctance but at least he’s a bit more comfortable. You’re certain you’re not gonna get any more major breakthroughs for at least a few months. But this is a start. You’ve got a lot to look into. Somehow you know that Anakin Skywalker’s path to recovery is going to be your new product that you spend even personal time involved with. That’s okay, it’s a noble cause. You can only pray that it’s not a futile one.
You write down a few more notes, straighten up your pillows, and go to get your next patient. You’re entering a new, interesting phase of your life. Then again, isn’t everyone?