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Summary
It’s the unbearable inability of his mind to accept the truth, even though he saw it with his own eyes. It’s the wholehearted belief, and trust, he felt for him, gave to him, and got back in pieces.
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And he’s been trying his hardest despite the impossible situation, to keep showing Shu Yi how much he cares, and misses him, and wants to be with him. But he just isn’t heard. He just won’t listen. Helpless frustration splits him apart sometimes, when silent sobs he can’t let the others hear, make him tremble with cold tension, until he can’t feel his body, nothing but soulless grief.