Work Text:
Izuku resisted the urge to slam his head against the wall.
... Okay, maybe a bit dramatic, but you get the point. He was frustrated. And by what? Well, math, of course. What else?
He knew how to do this. He did, and if he didn't, then he could just google it! It shouldn't be hard by any stretch of the word, and the thing was, it wasn't. But.... Well.... Maybe he was lazy.
Or maybe the pressure in his throat was the reason he couldn't get it done, a block in his brain, fuzziness and- he knew he needed to ask for help but the thing was, he would rather literally be stabbed in an alleyway than ask for help.
No, seriously. As long as it wasn't fatal, then at least he could bandage it at home and be done with it. Without help. Being stabbed was easy! Perhaps even relaxing, you know, with the routine of cleaning the wound, and the adrenaline pushing away the brain fog! Not to mention how weirdly interesting it is to see yourself bleed- oh god, that sounded weird, he just meant that it was proof he was still alive. Maybe if he went outside now, he would hopefully run into your run-of-the-mill Alleyway Stabber.
Yeah. He wasn't even joking, and he wished he was. Being stabbed sounded better than doing his math.
(Wow. Dramatic much? It wasn't that bad, and he knew it, but..... But, but, he couldn't. He couldn't. He didn't know why, he just. He couldn't. He would rather do literally anything than this right now, even if it was a different math assignment, but those were hard too, and.... He just wanted to cry.)
His brain was screaming at him because the assignment was due three days ago. And he was supposed to be ahead of the work. But no.
Why couldn't he just fucking do it?!
Maybe if he died right at this moment then he wouldn't have to. Maybe if he just died then there would be no more of this stupid stress! Great idea! Or maybe if he ran away! Then he wouldn't have to talk to anyone ever again, or see their disappointment! Izuku could even make a home with the squirrels!
.... He sighed.
Unfortunately, that was slightly unrealistic.
"Tell you what," He muttered to himself, "If I take a small break, eat some stuff, maybe make some tea, then I'll come back to this and I'll do one problem. Just one. It doesn't have to be the first one. Just the easiest problem. And then I'll take another small break, probably to cry. And then we'll google some stuff, and finish the rest of the assignment. We don't even have to do another one tonight!"
(He ignored the fact that he would still be three days behind if he didn't do any more work today. At least it was better than being four days behind, right? Right?)
"Cool. Alright." Izuku heaved himself from his chair.
Oh god you're fucking stupid, his thoughts decided to say, but he promptly ignored them. Thanks guys, I really needed that. You can go waddle off now, fuckers.
-
His small break ended up being two hours long. He didn't want to face it. He didn't want to do anything.
In the end, he started on it again, but oh god he was so exhausted. It didn't make sense- he had gotten a good nine hours of sleep. But nevertheless, the tiredness gathered in his eyes and made him sniffle. Of course, this wouldn't stop him from completing his work, so naturally he opened his eyes wider to see the numbers through his tears. He went through half a box of tissues, half-crying in a silent sort of way, and attempting (failing) to do his work.
Oh god, he was so tired. He was so so tired. He wanted to stop feeling things. He wanted to go to sleep, or cry freely, or 'accidentally' fall down the stairs so he could feel sick pride in the bruises the next morning. At least that was an accomplishment. The pain numbed, if nothing else.
Stupid child, his thoughts whispered again, and Izuku whimpered quietly. Burning gathered in his throat, a sudden rare moment of anger, and then he was sweeping everything off his desk with a frustrated arm. The jar of pencils scattered across the floor- a book landing with a dull thump- the fluttering of papers landing messily and probably folding in exactly the wrong way.
Staring at his empty desk, his eyes filled again. Izuku let out a pitiful noise and gently laid his head in his arms.
He cried, then. He cried and cried and cried.
Stupid child, wasn't he?