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Xiaoge watches Wu Xie chasing Pangzi out of the hospital bedroom with a small smile tugged upon his lips, then averts his glance at the watch Wu Xie just gave him. He remembers praising that watch when he disguised himself as Consultant Zhang. Xiaoge doesn’t expect Wu Xie to remember it, or even decided to give it to him. His left thumb strokes the edge of the watch gently as if it was the most precious treasure he ever had in his life.
The watch is warm. This should be impossible since it had been left on the table untouched ever since he and Pangzi brought Wu Xie there. And yet, it feels warm. Just like Wu Xie.
He glances back at the afterimage of Wu Xie, the corner of his eyes crinkling slightly in what seemed to be a strange tenderness.
At first, Xiaoge wants to let Wu Xie getting revenge on Pangzi, but Wu Xie hasn’t fully recovered yet from his concussion and needs to rest properly. Strenuous activities (including chasing Pangzi) are still a big no. Deciding that Wu Xie has had enough playtime, Xiaoge leaves the room to fetch Wu Xie and puts him back to bed.
It doesn’t take too much effort to find them both. One questioning glance to the nurses in the station and they immediately point the direction. Xiaoge nods at them and quickens his pace, intending to find them as soon as possible before Wu Xie injured himself.
Xiaoge manages to find them both not far from there, Wu Xie straddling Pangzi and hitting him on the face with his pillow. They look ridiculous. Two fully grown men acting like five-year-old children fighting over a toy. On any other occasions (and with other people), Xiaoge probably would let them be and paid them no mind. When it comes to Wu Xie and Pangzi though, the sight only induces a strange itch in his chest.
He gives in to the itch and smiles, a small one, just like he did back then.
The smile quickly changes its way to unbridled horror upon seeing Wu Xie crumples on top of Pangzi like a marionette with its string cut.
“Wu Xie!” Both he and Pangzi gasp at the same time, and Xiaoge dashes forward.
.
.
“Didn’t I say no fooling around? Look at what happened now!”
The doctor can only shake his head in disbelief at the three men before him, who hang their heads low in both embarrassment and guilt. Even Xiaoge looks somewhat guilty, perhaps because he didn’t stop them both in time.
Poor Wu Xie is curling up on the bed, suffering from a headache and dizziness. The sudden onslaught of lightheadedness was what caused Wu Xie to collapse before. They quickly brought Wu Xie back to his room and called the doctor, who started to scold them after checking on Wu Xie’s condition.
“I will repeat it again, no fooling around in the hospital and no strenuous activities for at least a week. He won’t recover if he didn’t rest properly. Understand?”
Two simultaneous nods (Xiaoge and Pangzi) and an annoyingly pleased ‘yes’ (Pangzi). Wu Xie is in too much pain to do anything else except being a ball and sending a continuous, disgruntled glare at Pangzi. The doctor doesn’t seem to fully believe them as he sends them—especially Pangzi—a strict warning about not agitating Wu Xie, then leaves the room with a quiet huff.
Once the doctor is out of their sight, Pangzi doubles over, laughing loudly while clutching at the bed’s railing. Wu Xie gives him one last glare at him—the sharpest, most poisonous one he could muster with his weakened state—and turns to the other side, his back to Pangzi. Since he is facing Xiaoge right now, Xiaoge can observe the pained frown on Wu Xie’s forehead.
Pangzi’s laugh recedes into a soft smile, and he rubs Wu Xie’s arm.
“Aww, sorry Tianzhen. You just look awfully cute when you're angry, right Xiaoge?” Now he’s asking Xiaoge for backup. As much as Xiaoge wanted to side with Wu Xie, this time Xiaoge has to agree with Pangzi. So he nods slightly and watches in amusement how Wu Xie’s expression morphs from irritation to betrayal.
Betrayed by his two best friends, Wu Xie proceeds to cover his face with his pillow, wishing he could just suffocate himself until he passes out. Pangzi pokes on the pillow.
“Hey, Tianzhen?”
No answer.
“Little comrade?”
“Go away!” Wu Xie’s muffled scream comes from the pillow, still in the same shrilling voice. It takes a lot of effort from Pangzi not to laugh at it, simply because Pangzi doesn’t want to aggravate Wu Xie even further.
“Alright, alright.” Pangzi gives up. “I’m going to buy some lunch for me and Xiaoge. You sit tight and don’t run off anywhere, okay? Xiaoge, I’m leaving Tianzhen to you.”
As an afterthought, Pangzi jabs his finger into Wu Xie's left ribs near his back, a place where Wu Xie is extremely ticklish. Wu Xie lets out a high-pitched screech, his entire body jostling roughly. Pangzi manages to evade the pillow thrown at him and bolts out there, cackling maniacally, leaving only Xiaoge in the room to take care of Wu Xie. He purposely left them there, to give them a chance to bond together. Wu Xie might not be able to speak, but at least they can use writings to communicate with each other, right? There are a lot of things aside from words that can be used to convey feelings.
Would it be too much if he hoped they’d be at least already sucking on each other’s tongue by the time he’s back?
.
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Wu Xie growls seeing Pangzi successfully escapes from his wrath, wanting to squeeze the life out of Pangzi. He rubs at his abused side, turning around to face Xiaoge with a pitiful face. Xiaoge is staring at Wu Xie with a soft, tender look in his eyes. He retrieves the fallen pillow and places it behind Wu Xie’s back, fluffing it up then gently pushes Wu Xie to lean on it. Wu Xie obeys him, mostly because his head is still pounding and he can feel nausea begin to creep up from his stomach.
Xiaoge fixes the rumpled blanket, and drapes it over Wu Xie’s thighs, tucking it neatly around his waist. He has to make sure Wu Xie is warm and comfortable. Wu Xie has been jostled around too much very soon after he just woke up, and it might prolong his recovery.
However, before Xiaoge even finishes his job, there is a quick, urgent patting on his shoulder. Xiaoge lifts his head to see Wu Xie, face pale, a hand clamped over his mouth. His patting on Xiaoge’s shoulder becomes faster, in an attempt to tell Xiaoge something.
Okay, from the gesture alone, Xiaoge knows Wu Xie is nauseous. Concussed patients often feel nauseous and/or even vomit, he knows that. But without any experience in taking care of a sick person (none that he can remember), Xiaoge is dumbfounded.
For the first time in his life, Xiaoge is at loss. Xiaoge, who immediately knows how to disarm a trap, how to strike into his opponents, or how to treat poisoning using his blood, doesn’t know what to do when someone is about to vomit. Should he bring a trashcan or a plastic bag? Where can he get a basin?
Wu Xie’s eyes widen in disbelief, and he rapidly points at the bathroom.
Bathroom. Xiaoge should bring him to the bathroom.
He immediately scoops Wu Xie out from the bed, princess style, and hurried to the bathroom, almost kicking the door open. There, he deposits Wu Xie to the floor in front of the toilet. Xiaoge can only watch helplessly as Wu Xie proceeds to empty his stomach content, his hands gripping tightly on the bowl. It’s a good thing Xiaoge is used to smell worse things in the tomb else he won’t be able to stay in the same room as Wu Xie.
Although hesitant at first, Xiaoge lays a careful hand on Wu Xie’s back and rubs there, hoping it’d help lessen Wu Xie’s suffering. He keeps a safe distance from Wu Xie in case the latter wants some breathing room and continues rubbing there. Xiaoge wants to offer some more comfort, but he doesn’t know what to do. If Pangzi was here, he’d definitely know what to do to comfort Wu Xie.
After several more dry heaving, Wu Xie leans his head to the side, exhausted.
“Done?” Xiaoge bends down to ask and gets a tired nod as an answer. He helps Wu Xie to stand, closes the toilet lid, and flushes it. Then he places the weak-limbed Wu Xie on the toilet, crouching between his knees to check on Wu Xie.
His face is pale and clammy, and he scrunches his eyes. He probably feels as awful as he looks. Xiaoge tries to read and understand what Wu Xie needs right now, so he can fulfill those needs and ease his discomfort. Sadly, even after a long scrutinize, Xiaoge is still as lost as before. In the end, he decides to soak a hand towel with cold water, squeezes the excess water out, and uses it to wipe away Wu Xie’s sweat.
Wu Xie makes low noises from his throat which Xiaoge perceives at first as discomfort, so Xiaoge quickly pulls the damp towel away, only to have Wu Xie’s hand pulls his wrist back. Wu Xie likes the cold towel after he vomits, Xiaoge notes it inside his mind. Thus, Xiaoge continues wiping away the sweat from Wu Xie’s face and neck with the damp towel until Wu Xie looks a bit better.
“Water,” Wu Xie tells him, his voice a mixture of hoarse and shrills. Xiaoge nods, filling a glass with cold tap water and gives it to Wu Xie who rinses his mouth with it. Xiaoge pours the remaining water to the sink and bends down again, waiting patiently for Wu Xie’s next instruction.
To his surprise, Wu Xie blushes a little, and Xiaoge tilts his head in confusion. Is he embarrassed for what just happened…?
“I…” Wu Xie coughs again, though this time out of awkwardness. “…nature’s call…”
Oh. Does Wu Xie need Xiaoge’s help with that, or…?
As if he understood what Xiaoge has been thinking, Wu Xie blushes even redder. He mutters out a soft “out” complete with his finger pointing outside.
Right. It’s not something Wu Xie can do with someone inside the bathroom. Xiaoge exits the bathroom and closes the door behind him, hearing the lock snaps into place. While Xiaoge doesn’t really agree with Wu Xie locking the door (in case he passed out or something), he understands with Wu Xie wanting privacy.
In the meantime, Xiaoge is figuring the things Wu Xie might need later. Wu Xie’s head is hurting and he’s nauseous. Xiaoge knows light can make a headache worse, thus he closes the window blinds. He also pulls the bed curtain around to give Wu Xie more privacy while he rests later. Wu Xie seems to like it when Xiaoge puts a damp cloth on his forehead. He also needs to sip on water to avoid dehydration. It’s almost time for Wu Xie’s lunch to arrive, and Xiaoge will make sure Wu Xie eats something before he sleeps.
Xiaoge is taking this ‘caring for Wu Xie’ business as something very important. Wu Xie once took care of him, and that was the start of their bond. Xiaoge can’t express fully how thankful he was for Wu Xie’s help and support back then, even though Xiaoge can survive and recover by himself without Wu Xie’s care. Now that Wu Xie is the incapacitated one, Xiaoge will do his best to take care of Wu Xie while Pangzi is away. Despite lacking the experiences himself.
Several minutes later, Xiaoge hears the click of the bathroom door being unlocked. Wu Xie soon emerges from inside, still pale but looking a lot better than before. Xiaoge rushes to support Wu Xie back to the bed, gently leaning him on the pillow.
Then, in a very not-Xiaoge like, Xiaoge begins to fuss over Wu Xie. He puts the blanket over Wu Xie’s legs and waist. He gives Wu Xie a glass of water with a straw. He wets another cloth and puts it on Wu Xie’s forehead.
Wu Xie watches over this new side of Xiaoge with a smile on his face. Despite the pounding headache, seeing Xiaoge like this makes Wu Xie feels a bit better already. This kind of caretaking and fussing is more fitting for someone like Pangzi, not Xiaoge. And Wu Xie knows Xiaoge would never do things like this for anyone else. For Xiaoge to go to this length, doing things he’s not used to for him, warms him from inside out.
“Xiaoge…” Wu Xie calls him, stopping Xiaoge from whatever it is he’s going to do. “I’m fine.” He makes a gesture indicating that Xiaoge should stop doing it and sit down so Wu Xie can have a good look at him. The last time they saw each other was on the bronze tree, and they didn’t even meet face to face. Wu Xie would like to chat with him, if not for his high-pitched voice and his headache.
Xiaoge obediently sits down, only not on the sofa but on the bed next to Wu Xie’s legs. For several moments, there is an awkward silence between them. Xiaoge is not the person who would start a conversation, and Wu Xie sounds too much like a screeching ghost to do it. There are a lot of things Wu Xie wants to say to him, want to ask him. Most importantly, this time he remembers that he’s supposed to tell Xiaoge about how he feels every time Xiaoge left him. In hopes that Xiaoge won't immediately go MIA again without any words. Wu Xie doesn’t expect Xiaoge to not leave him. Xiaoge has his reasons, he has his own business and life that don't have to always including Wu Xie in it. But at the very least, let him know. If Xiaoge didn’t want to say it, a simple note would be fine. Wu Xie would understand.
Thinking about it makes Wu Xie slightly unhappy, and Xiaoge seems to notice the change in Wu Xie’s demeanor. Xiaoge offers Wu Xie more water and Wu Xie shakes his head, sighing heavily. He’s about to offer Wu Xie something else (there are fruits, does Wu Xie want to eat some?) when a nurse appeared to deliver Wu Xie’s lunch and medicine. She excuses herself as soon as she’s done putting the tray on the table.
Wu Xie doesn’t have much appetite, not after he vomited and with his pounding headache. Nonetheless, he still has to eat something before taking the medicine for his pain. He also needs more nutrition to recover from his concussion. Wu Xie reaches out to the tray, but Xiaoge beats him to it. He shows Wu Xie the variety of his lunch, which is not many, considering that this is the hospital’s food. Besides, even if there was a huge feast prepared for him, Wu Xie’s unsettled stomach most likely wouldn’t be able to handle strong and heavy foods. Wu Xie points to a bowl of porridge, and Xiaoge nods.
His deft fingers remove the cling wraps from the bowl and he picks the spoon, stirring it and scooping some. Wu Xie previously thought Xiaoge was just going to prepare it for him, except he didn’t. Imagine Wu Xie’s shock seeing Xiaoge blow on the spoon and brings it to his lips. Wu Xie’s mouth gapes open in surprise and preparation for refusal, but Xiaoge straightaway puts the spoonful of porridge inside his mouth.
He has no choice but to swallow, and redness blooms on his cheeks.
Xiaoge, who sees no rejection nor protest from Wu Xie, continues to feed Wu Xie the porridge. At this time, Wu Xie has given up on his fate of being spoon-fed by Xiaoge, and let himself be taken care of. This reminds him of their first meeting several months ago, on their way to King Lu’s Seven Star Palace. Back then, Xiaoge was the one being taken care of by Wu Xie, except Wu Xie didn't go as far as feeding him since they weren’t familiar yet with each other.
As to not causing himself more embarrassment, Wu Xie uses this time to observe Xiaoge’s face. Xiaoge is the perfect combination of handsome and beautiful, with coldness surrounding him. Like a flower blooming in winter, bright color contrasting with the whiteness of the snow. Or like a frosted flower preserved in ice. Wu Xie has admired Xiaoge's beauty from the first time they met, and even now, he still admires it. Perhaps even years from now, Wu Xie would still be enthralled by him.
Like the frosted flower, Xiaoge’s beauty is a cold one. To others, he seems unfeeling and icy. Emotionless and heartless. Little did they know, beneath his frosty look lies a softness and adorableness he only shows to special people.
Wu Xie is grateful he becomes a part of that special people. Xiaoge seems to drop his guard more around Wu Xie compared to when they first met, allowing himself to relax and sometimes letting Wu Xie catch a glimpse of the hidden Xiaoge. One that is untarnished and true, never-changing no matter what hardships Xiaoge had been through. Sometimes, Xiaoge would smile at him and Pangzi, whether it was a mere crinkle on his eyes, a simple tug on the corner of his lips, or even a full-blown smile.
And damn, Xiaoge is truly the finest person Wu Xie ever saw in his life when he smiles. Xiaoge’s smile would steal Wu Xie’s breath away and Wu Xie won’t even mind.
Still, with or without a smile, Wu Xie would already do anything for Xiaoge.
Oh, Wu Xie is so whipped with this man.
Only after fifteen seconds has passed without anything put into his mouth did Wu Xie finally realizes Xiaoge had, in some way, managed to feed all of the food to Wu Xie. Not just the porridge, but also the vegetables and the chicken. Wu Xie didn’t have any appetite but still empty the food because Xiaoge was feeding him. He facepalms.
Xiaoge is going to be the death of him. He could spoon-feed Wu Xie with poison and Wu Xie would still willingly open his mouth because Wu Xie trusts him. Wu Xie is dangerously vulnerable around Xiaoge, yet he’s so whipped and smitten for him that he’d be extremely happy to stay by his side.
The man on the topic appears to be endearingly pleased seeing the empty food tray, believing that he has done a good job in feeding Wu Xie. He’s so freaking adorable and Wu Xie has to resist the temptation to not cup his face and squeezes his cheeks.
Or smack his face. Preferably with Wu Xie’s lips.
Horrified at his thirstiness even when he has a concussion, Wu Xie sinks to the plumpness of the pillow to take a quick nap. Xiaoge prevents him from doing it and Wu Xie raises one questioning eyebrow at him.
“Don’t sleep after eating.” Xiaoge hands Wu Xie his medicine. “Drink this.”
Wu Xie gulps down the pills and washes them with water. He grimaces at the full feeling in his stomach. It appears that Xiaoge fed him too much food, and Wu Xie bites back against nausea. He closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths, repeatedly telling himself not to vomit back the food he had just eaten or he’ll waste Xiaoge’s effort.
Seeing Wu Xie’s face scrunches in discomfort, Xiaoge sits next to him and rubs his back again in small circles. Wu Xie leans on Xiaoge, basking himself in the warmth radiating from his body. He mimics the position when Xiaoge carries him before, his face tucked into Xiaoge’s neck and his nose pressed into Xiaoge’s pulse points. The steady beating and a whiff of Xiaoge’s scent are calming him down.
He stays like that, nestled in Xiaoge’s chest until his nausea subsides and he’s no longer about to vomit at the slightest movement. It's not clear how many minutes have passed. All Wu Xie knows is that Xiaoge is warm and toasty, and he’s getting drowsy. Thanks to the medicine, his headache has been reduced into a dull pounding he can mostly ignore. Xiaoge doesn’t stop rubbing his back, and the regular movement from Xiaoge’s breathing is rocking him to sleep.
At some point, Wu Xie falls into a dreamless sleep.
.
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Xiaoge glances down at the sleeping person in his chest. Wu Xie’s breath deepened a few moments ago, a sign he has fallen asleep. Good, Wu Xie needs more rest. His eyes trail over Wu Xie’s face, noting the slack expression and the slightly parted lips. Wu Xie’s bangs are messy on his forehead, and Xiaoge uses his free hand to brush them aside. He’s due for a bath, perhaps when he wakes up later.
This is the second time Xiaoge observes Wu Xie when the latter is asleep. The only difference between before and now is the distance between them. On the previous occasion, in the morning before their departure to King Lu’s Seven Star Palace, Xiaoge observes Wu Xie from some distance away. This time, Xiaoge is observing the sleeping Wu Xie he holds in his arm.
And Xiaoge finds that he likes holding Wu Xie like this, having a solid warmth nestled against him. Holding Wu Xie gives Xiaoge the impression that everything is going to be alright, that things will get better. That Xiaoge will get his memories back. That Xiaoge doesn’t have to worry or do everything on his own, because Wu Xie will be by his side to help him.
He doesn’t remember if he ever held someone like this before, but he can get used to this. Perhaps if he had another chance in the future, Wu Xie would let Xiaoge hold him like this again. Wu Xie doesn’t have to be asleep, he could be awake too. Xiaoge wonders if there would be any difference in holding Wu Xie when the latter was fully awake and participating. Would Wu Xie push him away? Or would Wu Xie return his hold and hug Xiaoge back? Xiaoge doesn’t know yet.
But for now, he’s content with this. He’s not letting Wu Xie go, not yet. Who knows when they’ll have another chance like this again, a chance to be at peace and just enjoy the day. Life is unpredictable, especially for them. They could be smiling at one moment, and then thrown into a pit full of corpse-eater the next moment. Any chance where they could spend the time happily must be cherished and treasured, for Xiaoge’s memories are fragile.
Wu Xie snuffles wetly, smushing his face to Xiaoge’s collarbone and Xiaoge instinctively holds him tighter to his chest. If he could, Xiaoge would never want to let Wu Xie go from his embrace. Wu Xie is safe in Xiaoge’s arms. He won’t be in pain or getting injured. He will be safe and warm here, within Xiaoge’s embrace.
This person in his embrace is the source of Xiaoge’s warmth. Xiaoge has promised to protect Wu Xie and the warmth Wu Xie has given him.
Xiaoge had lived for a long time without the warmth of the world, and he managed to survive without it.
Then Wu Xie came and appeared in his life, bringing along with him an unfamiliar warmth of the world. Xiaoge quickly grew to like the warmth, as it makes him think that he’s not alone. He should’ve distanced himself from Wu Xie, from the warmth, as to not make him dependent on it. But he didn’t. Instead, he inched closer and closer, soaking on it.
He realizes too late that he’s grown too attached to the warmth, to Wu Xie. Now, Xiaoge is not too sure if he could stay fully sane if Wu Xie wasn’t there.
Wu Xie is dangerous, he is capable of making Xiaoge drop his guard. His kindness is dangerous to Xiaoge, it can dull his survival instinct. Xiaoge knows that he should let Wu Xie go and disappear from his sight. That way, both of them can be safe. He knows it clearly, and yet…
…and yet Xiaoge doesn’t want to let him go.
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“What a lovely sight I come back to.” Comes Pangzi’s voice from the door. “I was gone for four hours. Have you two been cuddling for that long?”
Xiaoge just stares at Pangzi in something akin to rolling eyes for other people. Pangzi ignores him and lifts two containers of food.
“Hungry? I bought this from that food stall we passed before.”
A nod from Xiaoge is enough for an answer, and Pangzi sets aside Xiaoge’s portion. Meanwhile, Xiaoge reluctantly parts with the sleeping Wu Xie, settling him down on the bed, and tucks the blanket around Wu Xie’s shoulders. He gives one last fond look at Wu Xie, brushing his face gently with his two elongated fingers, then closes the curtain around Wu Xie’s bed. Now that Wu Xie is properly covered, Xiaoge can open the window blinds, bathing the room with enough sunlight.
Soon enough, they’re seating on the sofa, digging into their food in silence. Until Pangzi decides to speak.
“This is not my place to speak, but if you cared about Tianzhen then stop making him worried and sad.”
There is no response from Xiaoge, but Pangzi can tell Xiaoge is listening to him. He continues.
“Tianzhen has a lot of things he’s been wanting to say. And I’ll let him tell you himself. Still, I ought to say something because things haven’t been on you two’s sides. Tianzhen might be smart, but he’s as dumb as you when it comes to relationships. So, this Pang Ye begs you to start communicating with him instead of letting him speculate things. It might lead him into thinking about things that aren’t the truth. How you will communicate with him that’s up to you. But it’s quite tiring to see both of you dance around like this just because neither of you knows how to communicate properly with each other."
This time Xiaoge stops eating and stares at Pangzi, though he doesn’t utter a single word or question from his mouth. However, it’s clear that Xiaoge is… puzzled? Confused? Something along that line.
“I won’t tell you further than this, go figure that out yourself. I’ve told Tianzhen to talk to you too, so… make it happen? It’s for your own sake. Trust me, things will be a lot better for you two if you two communicate.”
There is a long silence after that. Neither of them talks about anything else. Or, Pangzi tries to talk to Xiaoge about something, but Xiaoge doesn’t answer him, just looking silently at the scenery outside through the window. Pangzi wants to rip his hair out of his scalp. He’s going to die of boredom if this continued. Thankfully, Wu Xie chooses the perfect time to wake up, wanting to go to the bathroom.
Pangzi hopes in the future he won’t get stuck with Xiaoge for more than several hours else he’ll go crazy without someone to talk to.
.
.
With the combined effort of Pangzi and Xiaoge’s gentle, loving care, Wu Xie recovers pretty quickly. No one can describe how happy Wu Xie is when he can talk properly again without having to sound like a screeching monster.
Then things happen, a lot of things happen, and he gets his mind full of too much information and not enough at the same time. He’s thrown into another exploration, another adventure, and faces multiple dangers and challenges. There are too many things happening at the same time, and he barely has enough time to process everything. In the midst of it, Wu Xie accomplishes a lot of things too, except for one.
He didn’t get the chance to tell Xiaoge about how he feels. Again.
At this point Wu Xie can only hope that there would be the next time, just one is enough for him to convey his feelings to Xiaoge.
Anyway, enough of that. He still has tasks to do.
Time to get ready.