Chapter Text
Unknown Number: i got locked out of my discord so I dug up your number i hope thats fine
Unknown Number: anyways i CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET TO THIS STUPID SHRINE
Unknown Number: the one in hebra mountains with the big fuckin doors
Unknown Number: looking it up feels like quitting
Me: And phoning a friend isn't?
Unknown Number: not in the slightest
Unknown Number: have u gotten to it
Me: Which shrine?
Unknown Number: gee ha’rah
Me: Oh that's an easy one! If you look closely at the top of the hill there are some snowballs you can throw down, they’ll get bigger and push the door open, and you can go right in!
Unknown Number: WHAT
Unknown Number: hang on
Unknown Number: mishima, my darling, my favorite dweeb ever, u have saved my life
Unknown Number: thanks
Me: Haha you're welcome!! I'm not your friend though you've got the wrong number
Unknown Number: SJDKSJDJAKSJAJAHAAAAA
Unknown Number: MSORRY
Unknown Number: thanks for your help though holy shit i couldn’t get it in i was gonna go crazy
Me: Hehe no problem! Glad to be of help! <3
Unknown Number: wow u like,,,, knew what i was talking about? or did you google it?
Me: I've beat BOTW three times now
Me: I had to look up the name of the shrine though there are too many
Unknown Number: woah,,,
Unknown Number: of all the wrong numbers i could have texted, i got a zelda nerd
Me: I'm not a nerd >-<
Unknown Number: yr not???
Me: Well
Me: Yeah I'm a bit of a Zelda nerd
Unknown Number: pog
Me: Are you just now playing BOTW? It came out 4 years ago
Unknown Number: no i'm just going back and finishing the quests I never did
Me: Ah
Me: Are you getting all the seeds
Unknown Number: FUCK that
Me: Agreed
Unknown Number: my joycon started drifting uncontrollably and i just flew into lava
Me: There’s no lava in the Hebra Mountains
Unknown Number: well i’m not there RIGHT NOW
Unknown Number: i lost some progress damn
Unknown Number: this is my own fault tho
Me: Why is that
Unknown Number: I tried replacing the crust and i fucked it up
Me: The… crust?
Unknown Number: ya
Unknown Number: the outside
Unknown Number: of my cons
Me: The shell?
Unknown Number: sure
Unknown Number: anyways I dont think I connected everything properly I have very shaky hands
Me: I was thinking about trying that but now I'm scared (╥﹏╥)
Me: I would love a cherry blossom switch though
Unknown Number: like a true Gamer Girl
Me: Yup
Unknown Number: just get the stickers
Me: I would but I also have shaky hands as well as very long fake nails it would not work
Me: I cannot peel Anything
Unknown Number: thats the price u pay for those nails
Me: I want to bite them off
Unknown Number: crunch
Me: Are you actually a cool gamer person I wonder
Me: Or a weirdo trying to trick me
Unknown Number: am i sus
Me: Oh my god.
Unknown Number: am I?
Me: Little bit yeah
Me: You're not like 12 right
Me: Or 50?
Unknown Number: I am a child
Me: What
Unknown Number: 17
Me: The dancing queen…
Unknown Number: ya
Unknown Number: except i cannot dance
Me: Don't worry, neither can I ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚
Me: Is there a song about being 19?
Unknown Number: are u 19
Me: No, I am a 50 year old man
Unknown Number: dad???? is this where you've been all these years?????????
Me: I'm back!!
Me: And I brought milk
Unknown Number: :D
Unknown Number: i can't believe my dad is a gamer girl
Me: Yes I am
Me: I have missed you son
Unknown Number: ur son as also a gamer girl
Me: Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Unknown Number: what do u play?
Me: I'm not like, SUPER into games… Zelda, Animal Crossing, Splatoon, and Minecraft are the big ones
Unknown Number: sploon….
Me: Yus Sploon :D
Unknown Number: u should give me your switch friend code
Me: I would but I lost my switch T-T
Unknown Number: u lost it?
Me: Ya
Unknown Number: where
Me: Somewhere in my bedroom idk it's a mess
Me: My roommate could probably find it he has this magical ability to be able to find anything I've misplaced in like 5 minutes
Unknown Number: holy shit can you introduce me to him
Unknown Number: I lost the w key on one of my keyboards like 3 years ago and i still haven't found it
Me: How does that happen?
Unknown Number: demon cat
Me: As someone with a demon dog. I understand.
Me: Mine ate a 25,000 yen pair of sandals
Unknown Number: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE A 25K YEN PAIR OF SANDALLS
Me: I'm a model and I get PR packages a lot
Unknown Number: omg what
Unknown Number: are u famous
Me: I wouldn't say that
Me: Enough that I have mountains of clothes I don't know what to do with but not enough that I get recognized on the street a lot
Me: Honestly idk how my roommate tolerates me half my stuff is clothes
Unknown Number: yknow what i somewhat get it
Unknown Number: i have…. several computers
Unknown Number: and my brother (who i live with) thinks i'm kinda crazy
Me: Ooh!! What do you do with them?
Me: Are you like a hacker or something?
Unknown Number: I have hacked things before but I don't make it a habit
Unknown Number: I mostly just make stupid little games
Me: That's so cool!!
Unknown Number: not compared to being a model
Me: Yes it is!! I just pose and look pretty, you do things with your brain
Me: I'd love to see something you've made sometime!
Unknown Number: you have no idea who I am
Me: Yeah but you seem super nice
Unknown Number: I just told u I'm a hacker
Unknown Number: I could like. find out all of your information right now
Me: Ohh you're right
Me: Now I'm scared
Unknown Number: I MEAN I WONT
Me: How can I trust you, Mr. Hacker Gamer Girl >:0
Unknown Number: uhhhh
Unknown Number: i promise I won't
Me: Good enough for me
Unknown Number: do u usually have this long of conversations with ppl who mistakenly text you
Me: I can't remember the last time someone accidentally texted me
Unknown Number: ok fair
Unknown Number: u are putting a lot of blind trust in me
Me: What's the worst you could do?
Unknown Number: doxx u
Unknown Number: kidnap u
Me: Could you really get my address that easily?
Unknown Number: i can get lots of info on u, ann takamaki
Me: OKAY NOW I'M SCARED.
Me: I'M SCARED I'M SCARED.
Unknown Number: i'm sorry as soon as i put your number in my contacts my snapchat told me u had an account
Unknown Number: i had to
Me: OH
Me: ok
Me: GIMME UR SNAP
Me: I WANNA KNOW WHAT U LOOK LIKE
Unknown Number: that's creepy i'm 17 ya weirdo
Me: AND I'M JARED, 19
Unknown Number: gasp
Unknown Number: you quoted a vinegar i trust you with my life
Me: A vinegar
Unknown Number: shut up you can't even read
Me: Give me your snap or I'm gonna search it by your number
Unknown Number: ugh
Unknown Number: fineeee
Honey_OTU has added you as a friend!
Me: Your name is Alibaba?
Unknown Number: i'm not making it my real name
Me: Why not?
Unknown Number: some ppl are creeps
Me: Fair
Me: Well, it's nice to meet u Alibaba!
Unknown Number: u too ann :)
Unknown Number: you have like 50 pictures on your story
Me: I Love Snapchat
Unknown Number: i hate snapchat i never use it
Me: You just take pictures of the things you do!
Unknown Number: i don't do anything except go on my computer
Unknown Number: wait is that the detective prince kid
Unknown Number: what's his name
Me: Goro Akechi
Unknown Number: yeah what
Unknown Number: you got breakfast with him?
Me: That's my roommate!
Unknown Number: OH
Unknown Number: holy shit he looks so different now
Me: Yup! His hair's grown out and he dresses differently
Me: Most people don't recognize him I'm kinda surprised u did?
Unknown Number: yeah i just knew bc like
Unknown Number: idk nvm
Me: He's telling me not to text random numbers
Unknown Number: tell him i like his dog
Me: He says thank you
Unknown Number: i'm guessing that's his dog
Me: Yes
Me: He has the dog
Unknown Number: nice
Unknown Number: WAIT WHAT IS IN THE CAGE IN THE BACK OF THAT ONE PIC????
Unknown Number: YOU HAVE??? CREATURES????
Me: Guinea pigs! Piggies!!!
Unknown Number: PIGGIES…
Me: They're the cutest I love them
Me: Hold on I'll send you a picture of the babies
Unknown Number: PLEASE
Giggling, Ann hops up from her bed and rushes over to Cookie and Navi's cage. They start bouncing around as soon as she approaches, Navi making excited squeaks as Ann takes her picture.
"Was that for the wrong number?" Goro asks from his spot in the bean bag chair across her room. Ann hums.
"Yup," she responds. "Nothing unsafe about a guniea pig picture!"
Ann's not looking at him, but she knows he's rolling his eyes. "Everything you're doing is incredibly unsafe. You said this person found out your name?"
"From my Snapchat!" She exclaims. "Plus I doubt they're actually a hacker. They're probably just messing with me."
"Well, don't meet up with them," Goro says with a sigh. "This is how kidnappings happen."
"I'm not that dumb, Goro." Ann flops back down onto her bed. "It's just nice having a good friend."
"You just met this person. No, you haven't met this person."
"I've got a good feeling about them," Ann says, sending the picture. A minute or so later, Alibaba opens it, and then comes the reply.
It's a blurry picture of their ceiling, covered in glow in the dark stars. It's dark in the room, which makes Ann wonder what part of the world this person is in (they have a Japanese number, but it's entirely possible they'd moved at some point).
WHAJAJDHAKSJSKKAJDJDK THEY ARE SO SHAPE,, the reply says. Ann snorts. Beneath their caption, Ann can see what looks like a Featherman poster on their wall, but it's too dark to know for sure.
"Pretty sure they're a Featherman fan," Ann informs Goro.
"That doesn't automatically win my approval."
"I don't need your approval, I'm just telling you."
"I know, dear."
Me: I Love The Piggies
Unknown Number: i do too i love them so much
Unknown Number: roumd
Unknown Number: lil babies
Unknown Number: names?
Me: Cookie and Navi
Unknown Number: you are a zelda nerd,,,
Me: :3
Me: Do u have any pets? Besides your demon cat
Unknown Number: nope just the asshole
Me: What's its name?
Unknown Number: secret
Me: Your cat's name is a secret?
Unknown Number: yeah pet names are common passwords
Unknown Number: what if it's my password
Me: Ok fair
Me: Seems a little… idk
Unknown Number: sus
Me: Yeah
Unknown Number: people who read this a few years from now are gonna roll their eyes at those jokes
Me: Huh?
Unknown Number: nothing
Unknown Number: his name is momo he's a bastard
Me: Goro's dog is also a bastard I understand
Me: Her name is PB&J
Unknown Number: holy shit
Me: I just call her Pipi or Bibi
Unknown Number: what a good girl
Me: So good
Me: I always feel bad when I tell people they can't pet her :(
Unknown Number: cannot pet the working doggos…
Unknown Number: i won't be an asshole and ask why he has a service dog but she's a service dog right
Me: Yup
Unknown Number: ok i figured from the vest
Unknown Number: the best girl
Me: OMG GORO JUST REMINDED ME I HAVE A SHOOT THIS AFTERNOON
Me: I HAVE TO GET READY
Unknown Number: go go go
Unknown Number: i'll talk to u later
Me: U wanna? :D
Unknown Number: uh yeah if that's okay
Unknown Number: sorry i know we uh. don't know each other SJDKSKDJDKK
Unknown Number: u know
Me: Nah we're besties now
Me: Ttyl Alibaba!! <3
Futaba lets her arms fall to her sides on the bed, staring up at her ceiling. She certainly didn't expect to have a conversation with a really pretty, kinda famous, Zelda nerd model today, but here she is. Talking. To one.
She ponders this for a few minutes, then lifts her phone back up and decides to send a message to her group chat.
Me: good morning whores
Inari: I don't appreciate the words you have chosen to describe us.
Me: yeah yea
Akira: good morning gremlin why the hell are you awake so early
Me: can't a girl wake up early if she wants???
Akira: it's 10 am
Akira: you wake up at ljke 2 pm
Me: you can't even spell
Me: and i woke up to play zelda
The Sumis™: That's excellent Futaba-senpai! Perhaps you could spend your morning training!
Me: babes i get dizzy when i stand up
The Sumis™: Exercise can help with that
Me: does using yusuke as a punching bag count
Akira: hey now.
Akira: Futaba be nice
Me: >:(
Inari: :)
Inari: Thank you, Akira
Me: whats everyone up to
Inari: Painting.
Inari: [Image Attachment]
The Sumis™: That looks really cool, Yusuke-senpai!
Inari: Nonsense. The concept is unoriginal and every stroke of my brush has been lifeless…
Inari: It'll ultimately end in failure. A disappointment. An insult to the art world.
Me: yusuke whens the last time u slept
Inari: About 47 hours ago.
Me: yeah go take a nap
Me: now
Inari: ...okay.
Inari: After this conversation.
Akira: get caught up on sleep and I'll make you some coffee next time you come over
Akira: you can't paint on no sleep
The Sumis™: Akira-senpai is right!
The Sumis™: You won't be happy with what you create when you haven't had any good rest.
Inari: I suppose you're right.
Inari: Apologies for dominating the conversation. How is everyone else doing?
The Sumis™: We're alright! Not sure who was here this morning but someone made us a VERY nice breakfast
Me: ooooh
Me: who's here rn
The Sumis™: Kasumi, plus someone's hovering, I can't exactly tell who
Me: hello mystery alter
Me: also i'm fine
The Sumis™: Better than bad!
The Sumis™: And you, Akira?
Akira: …
Akira: i did something stupid
Me: you're always doing stupid shit, if it's stupid by your standards you did something REALLY bad
Inari: Oh no.
Akira: I WAS TALKED INTO IT.
Akira: WELL IT WAS MY IDEA ORIGINALLY BUT STILL.
The Sumis™: What did you do?
Akira: i uh
Akira: helped a friend shoplift 8 candles from my store
Me: WHAT
The Sumis™: SENPAI??
Inari: You are most definitely going to lose your job.
Akira: NO WE WERE SO SMOOTH ABOUT IT TRUST ME
Akira: NO ONE IS GONNA FIND OUT
Me: WHAT DID YOU DO??????
Akira: okay so here's what happened
Akira: she was picking out her candles and stuff, and I just pretended not to know her
Akira: did the usual walk up, ask how they're doing and what they're shopping for, etc.
Akira: then when she was ready to check out I made sure I was the one at the register
The Sumis™: I am Anxious
Akira: hush it's fine
Akira: i scanned all her candles and canceled the transaction
Akira: then told her when to put her card in and take it out
Akira: and then reprinted the receipt from the last transaction and we both walked away like nothing happened
The Sumis™: WHAT???? WHAT
Me: HOLY FUCKING SHIT?????
Inari: That's admittedly very clever.
Me: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU
The Sumis™: YOU'RE GOING TO GET ARRESTED
Akira: ot's not that bad
Akira: i've been arrested before
Akira: the officer let me pick what radio station we listened to
The Sumis™: YOU'RE GOING TO GET ARRESTED *AND BE GUILTY THIS TIME!
Akira: i'll be fine honey
Me: Akira that's the most girlboss thing you've ever done
Inari: Girlboss…?
Inari: Actually, don't explain. I think I am too tired to understand.
The Sumis™: Have you eaten, Yusuke?
Inari: I had some instant noodles, yes.
Me: get over here
Me: kiras still at work but i'll make you curry and you can pass out in his bed until he's back
Inari: And in exchange you are asking…?
Me: will you paint my keyboard
Inari: Oh. Of course.
Me: NICE
Akira: told ya you could just ask
The Sumis™: Futaba-senpai, you're not grumpy this morning like you usually are!
Me: I'M NOT GRUMPY
Akira: ur grumpy
Akira: trust me I live with you for half the week
Me: that's why i'm grumpy
Akira: you're the one who cried when I moved out and begged to come with
Me: SHUTUP GAY
Akira: i have two girlfriends i'm straighter than you are
Me: THAT DOESN'T COUNT THEY SHARE A BRIAN
The Sumis™: Brian
Me: NOW YOU'RE BOTH BULLYING ME!!
Inari: r vn sngvcf_k(kjkk…...n .
The Sumis™: Yusuke-senpai?
Me: probably fell asleep with his phone on his face
Akira: Go bring him some curry and coffee please?
Me: nah i'm just gonna make his phone make a loud noise one sec
Akira: welp
Akira: my break is almost over and I'm powerless here
Akira: so I'm going
Akira: don't get into any trouble
The Sumis™: Love you!
Akira: love u too
Me: disgustang
The Sumis™: You'll get it when you're older, Futaba-senpai
Me: i'm older than you
The Sumis™: Oh right I forget that
Me: honestly? so do i
Me: and i understand romance >:(
Inari: My apologies, it seems I fell asleep. But my phone made a loud noise and woke me up, so I've returned.
Me: good
Inari: Futaba, you have experience with romance?
Me: yeah i've had more relationships than you Inari
The Sumis™: Oh! Are you referring to your girlfriend from elementary school?
The Sumis™: Kana, was it?
Me: elementary school is still more than what yusuke's had
Me: and i'll have you know i'm talking to a girl rn
Inari: Oh, are you? Is it someone we know?
The Sumis™: TELL US TELL US
Me: hello sumire
The Sumis™: hello
The Sumis™: tell us about the girl futaba
Me: uh
Me: i lied there's no girl
Inari: Yes there is.
Inari: You are just pretending there isn't because you are nervous.
Me: yusuke ur on thin fucking ice
Inari: No, I am in my bedroom.
Me: i'll kill u
The Sumis™: noooo violence. no violemce.
Me: sorry sumire
Me: no violence
Inari: I think I am going to fall asleep again.
Me: u lying down?
Inari: Yes.
Me: good
Me: night yusuke
The Sumis™: Goodnight Yusuke-senpai!
Inari: I'll speak to you all soon.
Me: yo kasumi sumire
Me: and potential others
The Sumis™: Yo Futaba
Me: wanna go get food and then bug my brother at work
The Sumis™: ABSOLUTELY
The Sumis™: I need hand soap
Me: we can get you some fancy soap
The Sumis™: S o ap
Me: s o ap indeed