Chapter Text
"Hey, kid! Yo!"
Just ignore it, Dipper. Maybe if you ignore them, they'll go away.
"Hey you! Hey! Pay attention to me!"
It was a fighter, then. That was okay, if not slightly annoying; no one was better at ignoring people than Dipper William Pines.
He would win this one, just as he won all the rounds before.
Thwack ! "OW!" Dipper cried, hands flying up to his throbbing skull.
"You shouldn't ignore people, kid. It's rude." That same voice scolded, tapping his hands with something cold and hard. "Next time you try something like that, I'll cut off your hands and rip out all of your teeth. It'll be fun."
Dipper turned to glare at whoever had hit him, anger flushing his face hot, and found a senior guy staring at him with a little smirk on his lips and a dark cane in his hands. He was pretty, though weird, with shining blond hair and high cheekbones sharp enough to slice a girl's heart. One of his eyes had an eyepatch imprinted with "GFHS DRAMA DEPARTMENT" in small text at the bottom, and the other was golden, pupil slitted. Dipper could just make out the edge of a contact lense in that eye, enough so to be unimpressed with the senior's style. The rest of him was dressed in similar fashion: he was wearing a yellow sweater vest with a black brick-shaped print, a gold-and-black striped tie, dark slacks, and a fine pair of black boots, finer than any shoe Dipper had ever owned.
Overall, he was obviously a huge geeky weirdo.
"What do you want?" Dipper asked irritably.
The guy grinned, and somehow he managed to look like a fancy-dressed imp when he did, before blinking twice at him. "Hey, wait. I know you!"
"No, I don't think you do." Dipper had no idea who this guy was, that was for certain.
"Don't doubt me, kid. I know everything." He leaned forward, eye sparkling, to whisper "everything" like a total creep. When he straightened back up again, still grinning, Dipper only liked him less. "You were in last year's play! What was it . . . Pine Tree! Yes, that was you!" He snapped his fingers loudly, looking pleased with himself.
"Yeah, my sister forced me to try out." He didn't know why he was offering the information; he shouldn't care what this creep thought of him. And he didn't. Dipper just wanted to explain why he was here. "She also forced me into this class. So, uh, who are you again?"
"The name's Bill Cipher." Bill winked at him, but Dipper wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean. "I can make all of your dreams and nightmares come true."
"That's . . . nice." Freak.
Bill opened his mouth to respond—with what, Dipper couldn't begin to know—but was interrupted by Soos' whistle. It rang shrill and loud through the auditorium, stopping students in their tracks everywhere and halting all conversations as Soos struggled to pull himself on to the stage, placing him above almost everyone.
He smiled goofily at everyone and waved. "Hi." Everyone mumbled greetings back. "Okay, so. Today we'll be performing skits in front of the rest of the class. Whoo!" He raised a large fist into the air and let it hang for a moment before dropping it back to his side. "So, uh, partner up."
Dipper sighed and dropped his broom. He always hated doing skits, or well, anything drama-related. He wasn't any good at this kind of stuff; the only reason he put up with drama at all was because Mable absolutely loved it. Was good at it, too.
He was actually turning away to go find his twin when a hand clamped down on his elbow, forcing him to a halt. Bill smirked at him from over his shoulder. "Woah, where you goin', Pine Tree?"
Dipper glared, tried and failed to shake him off. "Okay, firstly, not my name. Secondly, I'm going to go find my partner, so if you'd kindly let go of me, that would be great."
Bill didn't let go. In fact, if anything his grip only tightened. "Hey, I have a better idea! What if you partnered up with me?"
Dipper blanched and tugged at his arm again fruitlessly. "Uh, no thanks."
"Come on! Don't be such a stick in the mud."
"Look, sorry, but I'd really rather partner with my—"
"Oh! Are you two partners? That's cool," Soos commented without pausing to let them answer, walking up to them and handing Bill a small stack of papers. "Here. I was going to throw this script away, but I'm short one today. Feel free to take artistic liberties. Whoo! Creativity!"
Bill took the script and looked it over with a narrowed eye, a creepy smile spreading over his face. "Oh, this is going to be fun!"
That look sent a shiver of dread down Dipper's spine, but his curiosity won out against it. He scooted closer to peek over Bill's shoulder, peering over to the title—"Pride and Prejudice?! Soos, are you kidding me?!"
"I think it's perfect!"
"It isn't perfect! It's—it's . . . we're both boys!"
Bill shot him an amused look, and Dipper noticed all at once that his face felt as though it was on fire. He was probably as red as a ripe strawberry. "You're going to be Elizabeth."
"What? Why do I have to be Elizabeth?"
The older boy shoved the script into the younger's chest, smiling wolfishly. "Well, she has less lines in this scene, and if your last play has told me anything, it's that you're a terrible actor. Also, I think out of the two of us you are the decidedly more feminine one."
"I'm manly. I can be manly." Dipper protested indignantly, hugging the script to himself.
Bill just smiled.
Soos gave everyone a few minutes to go over the scripts he handed out, and though Dipper grudgingly offered the script to Bill, the senior just laughed and told him that he didn't need any practice. Dipper then shrugged him off and looked over the lines himself, but he only grew more and more horrified.
"It's a romantic scene!" He hissed, flipping through the few pages angrily. "Look! There are even asides telling Darcy to kiss Elizabeth in certain places! This was a horrible choice in scripts."
Bill looked entirely too amused. "Why, I'm hurt! Don't you want to kiss me, Pine Tree?"
"I've already told you, that isn't my name! And no, I'd really rather not kiss anyone!"
"How rude!" Bill cried gleefully, clutching his chest so hard he wrinkled the shirt. "I love it! You're hilarious, little meatbag!"
"Don't call me that." Dipper thumbed through the script again, his cheeks warming. This was going to be humiliating. There was really no way to get around it.
"Okay. Okay. Time to perform, guys." Soos called, climbing the stairs onto the stage. "Would anyone like to go first? How about you, Bill and Dipper?"
"Soos!" Dipper hissed.
"Of course!" Bill exclaimed, snatching Dipper by the wrist and dragging him up to the stage. "Let me see that script again, kid."
"Oh, now you want it? Are you serious?"
"Never! But I am honest!"
Ugh. Why did the world hate him? Really, what has Dipper ever done to deserve this?
Bill pried the script from Dipper's sweaty hands and fingered through to the first page, looking absolutely delighted to be here.
"Just go whenever you're ready. If that's what makes you comfortable," Soos said, clambering back down the stage stairs to take a seat.
"Ready!" Bill screeched, sliding close—too close—to Dipper, script clenched in one hand that carefully found its way between them, Bill's other resting on Dipper's waist. Holy schmolies.
"My darling," Bill breathed, eye hooded and looking straight at Dipper. Wow, that was kind of intense. "How do you like your new name?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Dipper did his level best to read his lines, trying to ignore the way his heart felt like it had swollen up and taken all and any space that had been in his body. "Mm. Don't call me darling, Darcy. That's what my father calls my mother when he's angry."
"Then what shall I call you?" Bill asked softly, taking the hand on Dipper's waist and brushing through his bangs instead. Woah. This was getting kind of . . .
Bill's foot kicked him in the ankle, jolting him out of his surprise.
"Um, well, you may call me 'my love' or 'my dear' around the house, 'my pearl' on Tuesdays, Elizabeth for every other occasion, and . . . Mrs. Darcy when you're extremely, irrevocably, unquestionably happy."
Bill threw the script behind him, and Dipper, who had not expected it, started in surprise as the papers disappeared down the stage. Bill used his newly freed hand to grasp one of Dipper's, the grip too tight and sweaty. He swayed forward, brushing his lips over the younger's forehead. "Mrs. Darcy."
What .
Soft lips trailed over to his temple, words pressing into his skin. "Mrs. Darcy."
Whatwhatwhatwhatwhat ?!
Down to his cheek, warm breath curling around his cheekbone and skidding down to his jawline. "Mrs. Darcy."
Why Dipper? Answer, grand universe: why did you hate him? What had he ever done to you?
He was sure he was very red, certainly felt hot enough that he could feel the heat peeling away from his face and throat in waves. It was weird. Awkward. He wanted to leave, to run off stage, but he was rooted to his spot.
A silky mouth touched the tip of his nose, which crinkled reflexively. "Mrs. Darcy." Touched down on his chin. "Mrs. Darcy." Hovered over his own mouth threateningly, and with a sudden surge of horror and dread, Dipper knew what Bill was going to do next. "Mrs. Darcy."
Bill's lips were warm and smooth against his, thin but long. Dipper had never been kissed before, and he couldn't imagine a worse first kiss than one with a boy he didn't like on a stage watched by a large group of classmates. Even though it was incredibly chaste, mouths closed and everything, Dipper couldn't help but feel as though he was being taken advantage of. Soos had granted artistic liberties; Dipper was sure they could have pulled off this embarrassing scene without anything too physical. And yet Bill decided to do this.
With a sudden clarity, Dipper understood: Bill was trying to humiliate him. He was trying to bully and traumatized him, possibly for ignoring the senior earlier, but either way, this guy was trying to hurt him. Dipper decided he wouldn't let him, wouldn't allow him to have that sort of satisfaction.
He did his best to melt into Bill, just a little; kissed him back with what he hoped was sweet passion. Bill's hand tightened around his, muscles tensing in surprise, but he made no other sound and his body didn't falter.
When they pulled away, Dipper flushed and Bill smirking cockily—as if—the audience was completely silent. Dipper reluctantly turned himself to look at them and gauge their reaction, hoping they wouldn't get in trouble for the awful PDA, and found everyone gaping at them. Even Mable, Soos, and Pacifica looked thrown, eyes wide and jaws dropped ridiculously low.
"Scene!" Bill cried gaily, giving a smug little bow. Dipper didn't bother, just awkwardly shifted his weight and rubbed the back of his neck, averting his gaze.
He followed Bill to the stage steps, feeling everyone's eyes burning holes into his back and side, humiliated and sheepish and regretful. Why was he stupid enough to respond? He should have pushed Bill away!
It wasn't until they reached the seats that some of the students started to clap; others shook their heads as if shaking the memory off. Dipper told them a sheepish thanks and hurriedly took his seat beside Mabel, burying his face in his hands. He could feel her eyes on him, but ignored it for the time being, trying to pull himself back together.
Well, looked like Bill succeeded in humiliating him after all. Crap.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Dipper mumbled to himself, pressing his hands harder into his face. He exhaled hard and shaky, forced his muscles to relax. "Okay, okay. This'll be fine. This will be absolutely decent and everyone will forget all about that—thing earlier. Yeah. It'll be okay."
Mabel slapped him hard across the back, her force jolting him forward in his seat. "Don't sweat it, baby bro! That scene was amazing!"
"Ow," he grumbled, sitting up slowly, rubbing his smarting back. "Wait, really?"
She nodded emphatically, eyes wide and shining and giddy. "Yeah. I could feel the beautiful romance unfolding before my eyes. It was like—" she held up her arms and made her best dumbfounded face "—woah."
"Well, thanks." Dipper said, smiling and awkwardly scratching the back of his head. He about dislodged his hat, which made Mabel snort.
"And you wanna know the best part?" She asked, leaning towards him with a sparkle in her eyes that Dipper didn't quite like.
He eyeballed her warily. "What?"
"My Love Senses are tingling!" She squealed, dark eyes darting to something over Dipper's shoulder. Mabel was grinning wide and deranged, cheeks pink and eyes caught on that look she got sometimes when she had a terrible idea. "He's looking this way! Hiiiiiii!" She waved, wide sleeve flopping around and falling down her slender arm.
Dipper glanced back to find Bill watching them, lips curled with amusement. He was completely turned around in his seat so he could easier spectate, hands folded over the chair back and chin resting on top. Posed like that, he looked like a huge creep, leering at the young twins like some sort of sexual predator or stalker. He waved back at Mabel cheerfully, and Dipper decided he was now ready to die.
"I'm leaving," Dipper mumbled, rising from his chair.
"Huh? No way! Dipper!" Mabel exclaimed, lunging and weaving herself around his waist like a large, extremely strong vine. "You should talk to him. Get some digits, bro!"
"Definitely leaving," he murmured, peeling her arms away from him. "Quit it, Mabel. I'm not into strangers or creepy seniors."
"But you looked so cute together! You have to date!"
"No, no I don't. And I have no plans to date Bill. Ever. He's weird and makes me really uncomfortable and no, I will not give in to your puppy eyes this time. Stop it."
Mabel's eyes somehow turned more puppyish. "Pleeeeease?"
"No."
"Pleeeeeaaaaase?"
"Mabel, seriously. I said no."
"Pretty please with marshmallows on top?"
"No, Mabel."
"Pretty please with extra marshmallows and rainbow sprinkles?"
"Stop."
"Mabel, your turn!" Soos called from the front, hands cupped around his large chin.
She was forced to release him, though she did so reluctantly, pointing two fingers at her eyes and then wiggling them in Dipper's direction semi-threateningly. Mostly she just looked like a huge dork.
He watched her go with no little relief, sighing and slumping back into his chair as she skipped up on to the stage.
A guy with sock puppets on his hands and a blond ponytail marched up after her, handsome though obviously eccentric. Because of course Mabel would grab an attractive male to be her partner. Of course she would.
Their skit ended up being a scene from The Phantom of the Opera, and he was forced to watch Mabel's partner sing through his sock puppets like a weirdo. Mabel did pretty good, as she always did, but the guy was just . . . odd. You never wanted to see a singing puppet ever, ever again.
Some other people went after them, including Gideon and Pacifica, who had partnered up together and were given a scene from A Christmas Carol, with Pacifica as the ghost of Christmas past and Gideon as Scrooge. Dipper thought that Gideon's role, at least, was very fitting.
The others came and went until everyone had gone and Soos congratulated them on their great performances. Coincidentally, the bell rang immediately after, releasing everyone to their next period.
Mabel and Dipper left the auditorium together as was usual, or started to until someone rudely grabbed Dipper by the elbow and forcefully spun him around.
"Hey! What's the big ide—oh. Bill, what the heck do you want?" He demanded irritably, jerking his arm from the older boy's grip.
Bill grinned, wide and crazy and creepy. "I gotta say, I underestimated you, Pine Tree! You're a lot more interesting than you look."
"Gee, thanks," he muttered sarcastically.
"Don't mention it! I'll have to keep an eye on you from now on, so watch yourself. Oh," Bill suddenly leaned forward, putting his mouth right by Dipper's ear, so close he could feel the senior's lips moving when he spoke, "And keep your partner selection open."
There came the sound of someone snapping a picture nearby, but they both ignored it. Bill straightened up, fixed his tie, and gave Dipper a wink before he disappeared into the swarm of students, thankfully in the opposite direction of Dipper's next class.
"What are you laughing at?" Dipper asked his twin once he was sure Bill was gone.
"Oh, nothing," Mabel sang, giggling into her palm. She was staring down at her phone screen with something akin to sheer, undiluted joy, so much so as to be extremely suspicious. However, if it was one thing Dipper had learned through his years with Mabel, it was that he likely didn’t want anything to do with whatever it was.