Work Text:
What is easy?
Nothing is.
When Xie Lian worked his way into a stable life after the chaos his father's company threw at him along with the loss of a family, his closest friends and everything he loved, he knew that nothing was easy.
Every damn thing in life was hard and Xie Lian is the best person to testify this with.
He knew and tasted sorrow, depression and loneliness firsthand in his early twenties.
He struggled and cursed.
But it was over. He overcame every piece of hardship that one could face and built a simple, stable life for himself. Even if he wasn't outright happy, he wasn't in too terrible of a position to want to die like before or cry over.
He felt that he was fine, at peace and somewhat satisfied.
Until he knew that he hadn't experienced the worst of suffering already. He had one more coming it seemed and he cursed himself for not see it coming.
He had fallen in love.
That person was now getting married.
Xie Lian met Hua Cheng, his best friend and later the love of his life a few years after his life stabilized.
He was then a teacher at the local school and met Hua Cheng in a parent teacher meeting. Hua Cheng wasn't a parent though. He was the uncle of one of his students and came instead of the student's parents.
Xie Lian didn't know how but since that fateful meeting, they got close and eventually Xie Lian couldn't start his day without a 'Good morning' greeting.
He liked Hua Cheng a lot. A lot. But he realised with fathomless happiness that it was more than platonic only on the local lantern festival that they celebrated together after one year of their friendship.
Xie Lian knew that Hua Cheng was a man who liked to show off and a man who loved aestheticism. But he didn't expect one bit the beautiful 3000 lanterns lit up at the terrace of his glorious house at night.
Xie Lian was flabbergasted and moved beyond words.
He was in love.
Since that beautiful and unforgettable night, Xie Lian had hoped and hoped and hoped that Hua Cheng felt the same. It was easy to assume given how sweet and considering he was with him, a character one might find to be the exact opposite when it came to others. So far as Xie Lian saw that is.
But he didn't dare hope.
He remembered most bitterly Hua Cheng mention a beloved. A beloved!
It never sat well with him. Nevertheless he tried.
He tried to make Hua Cheng fall in love with him, to surprise and fluster him, which failed according to his keen observations.
He never wanted to stop trying.
Hua Cheng was beautiful and amazing. Xie Lian loved everything about him.
He felt at home with him. He felt cared for. He felt loved. He felt important. And he hadn't felt so in a very very long time. During some nights, he was moved too much that he cried and yearned for him to embrace. To hold him and proclaim, confess, scream and share his love with him.
Xie Lian would often find himself thinking that it was cruel and selfish of him to want Hua Cheng all to himself. Yet, his fragile and love starved heart yearned for his affection.
He did stop trying when he found He Xian, Hua Cheng's friend (despite Hua Cheng's constant denial) slip a ring into his finger. At that moment, although He Xian appeared glum and sour as though he had tasted lemon like he appeared all the time, Xie Lian thought that he saw a faint happy glint in his eyes, which was completely out of his character. And not to mention,
Hua Cheng appeared giddy with joy. He was laughing.
Xie Lian's heart sunk. He had never seen him laugh like that with anyone but him. To see him appear happy and giddy like that with another person broke his heart. Shattered it.
Xie Lian with great internal resistance didn't continue to watch the 'couple' and left.
If he was crying maddeningly at his apartment, the very same apartment where he shared many many evenings of laughter with Hua Cheng, because he just stumbled upon the love of his life become engaged to someone else who wasn't him, no one knew.
Xie Lian had slept on the floor that night. He was unaware himself. He had apparently fell asleep tired because of his intense crying.
Due to awkward position and having slept on the floor, he was in no position to move that day. He didn't acknowledge the sorrow of his heartbreak.
He took a day off at work and blamed it on his health.
He didn't go out that day and moved out of his comfortable position on the couch only to go to the kitchen and bathroom.
He didn't charge his phone and refused to do it even after remembering that.
He would miss Hua Cheng's daily morning greeting but that was okay.
He didn't want to cry anymore and looking at Hua Cheng's sweet nickname on the notification would kill him.
Xie Lian spent the rest of the morning soaking in his heartbreak thinking about sweet sweet San Lang and his fiancé.
Xie Lian slept back in his couch hoping that the sleep would soothe his wounded heart.
He dreamt. He dreamt of being the one to slide the ring into Hua Cheng. He dreamt of being the one to invoke unshakable glee in Hua Cheng's beautiful face.
He dreamt happily and wished that it would never end. Wished that it would be the reality. The reality where Hua Cheng was his and he was Hua Cheng's.
He woke up to the sound of the doorbell.
He groaned and pulled the blanket over his head hoping that that would protect his ears from the noise.
The noise didn't cease and he pushed himself off from the couch in frustration.
He didn't want to see anyone then and please, definitely no guests!
He was still wearing the previous day's clothes that hung from his frame lousily. He didn't care.
But when he opened the door and came face to face with the person outside,he sure wished that he had.
Hua Cheng stood outside ever beautiful in his red red clothes and messy long hair held in a clumsy braid.
Xie Lian least expected Hua Cheng but maybe he should have.
Even if his life was good without too much trouble, Hua Cheng was the only one who came around when worried.
It was so easy to fall for him and it was no wonder that Xie Lian did.
His heart that recovered from the shock soared at the sight of his love outside.
"San Lang!"
"Gege!" and Hua Cheng hugged him, even though Xie Lian appeared clumsy.
Xie Lian blushed and hugged him back. He sighed as he held him with his arms around his waist and buried himself into his shoulder.
God, I love you. And then realised in complete brutality that he was hugging his friend who was now engaged to another.
He quickly pulled away and didn't catch the frown in Hua Cheng's face.
Hua Cheng didn't relent however. He didn't let go of Xie Lian's arm and asked, "Gege, are you alright? None of my messages went through to you since yesterday! I was worried!"
Xie Lian blushed unable to look at his face. He regretted now, not looking at the messages and was deeply ashamed.
"Oh! It is nothing. C-come inside!" he said hastily.
"Gege didn't go to work today. Are you really alright? Are you unwell?" Hua Cheng frowned and began to fuss over him the moment the both of them entered.
"R-really! I am alright....." he felt as though he was swallowing stones.
"......."
"......"
Conversation between the two usually flowed freely. It always felt nice and pleasant to Xie Lian. It was always comfortable with him, and Xie Lian was able to open up to him, broaching sensitive topics also was never uncomfortable. It could be the trust and love he held for him. But then, it felt truly as unpleasant as rubbing one's fingers against sandpaper.
"I'll make tea!" said Xie Lian abruptly and went into the kitchen, away from Hua Cheng's eyes.
Inside as he made the tea, Xie Lian was clutching at the counter.
He was breathing hard.
It suddenly felt as though the matters of the previous day albeit his knowledge, came crashing onto his head like a landslide.
The reality of his feelings, Hua Cheng having gotten engaged and the fact that he didn't feel the same way towards himself burnt him inside.
He felt tears crinkle at the corners of his eyes.
He couldn't take it.
He always thought that his love was something that would make him happy and if there was a chance that Hua Cheng didn't feel the same way, then he would still be happy for him.
He realised right then, that that wasn't the case.
After watching his love, Hua Cheng promise a life with another, he had spend the rest of the evening moping around and moaning in sadness.
However, only at that moment did it sink in, that he couldn't be happy for him.
He felt as though his heart was being wrung, right there in the kitchen with Hua Cheng outside.
He had spent years disallowing pain and worry get near him.
His thick walls against emotions were softened by Hua Cheng. How Hua Cheng didn't know of it! He didn't even know. Xie Lian never grabbed a chance to just divulge his deepest love and desires.
But now the walls were being broken and demolished under the heartbreak.
Xie Lian was crumbling and couldn't sense anything as a bout of darkness overpowered him.
Hua Cheng was there to bring him out of it.
"Gege! Gege!" he called.
Xie Lian realised now that the water in the kettle had completely evaporated and that he hadn't noticed the whistle. He realised with mortification that his cheeks were wet.
He was crying.
"Gege!" Hua Cheng called. He had switched off the stove and pulled Xie Lian to sit down gently in one of the chairs in the kitchen as he took the one next to it.
Hua Cheng held Xie Lian's hand and said, "Gege, you are not alright. Please tell this San Lang what is wrong," and rubbed his thumb gently in a soothing motion.
Xie Lian didn't have it in him too look at Hua Cheng and his eyes trained his thumb.
He felt sour but Hua Cheng deserved an answer.
He asked a question instead, "You came to tell me something, right?"
Hua Cheng's eyes widened but Xie Lian couldn't note for he was still looking down at his soothing thumb.
It had stalled in its motion.
"Gege... I came to check on gege only."
"Surely you must have other people to care for more than me...." like your fiancé, the person you would spend the rest of your life with and not me, and whispered, "San Lang needn't look after this one...."
"Gege?" he started softly. "Gege is upset. Won't you talk to me about it?"
Xie Lian was tempted to throw himself at him and confess then and there of his deepest love and never let go but refrained from doing so.
He might have were he not good at reining himself from happiness and limit himself to satisfaction.
"You.....have nothing to say?"
Hua Cheng spoke as gentle as ever, "No, Gege. I came to see you."
Xie Lian laughed, watery and mirthless.
"It is 11:30 in the morning and a busy man like yourself abandoned work to see this old man?"
"Yes."
Xie Lian finally raised his eyes to look at Hua Cheng. His gaze was sweet and gentle as ever.
Xie Lian felt bitter.
So you won't tell me that you are engaged today?
He saw Hua Cheng's eye widen..
Hua Cheng asked, "W-what? I'm engaged?"
It was Xie Lian's turn to be shocked.
"Did I say that out loud?!"
"Yes!" and Hua Cheng's grip on Xie Lian tightened.
"Engaged? Gege, why do you think that I am engaged?!!" he squeaked.
Xie Lian's heart was beating super fast and his head was running the previous day's events over and over at an alarming speed to catch if anything went missing.
He blurted, "Aren't you and He Xian engaged?!"
Hua Cheng's face distorted and settled on stressed.
"No! W-wha... He Xuan and I? Wh-whta? Engaged? You think we are engaged?" his pitch raised as he went on and pushed himself up from his chair.
Xie Lian got up too and said the first thing that came to his mind, "Didn't he propose yesterday?! To you?! And you let him...put....the......ring........."
"........"
"........."
The two of them stared at each other for a while.
Xie Lian gulped and Hua Cheng appeared amused.
After a few seconds, Hua Cheng began laughing!
Xie Lian was shocked!
Did I make a fool out of myself?!
"San Lang! San Lang!"
Xie Lian was trying to pull Hua Cheng up from the floor. Hua Cheng was laughing so hard that he fell while clutching his aching stomach. He curled into himself while laughing too! Banging his fisted hands on the floor!
Xie Lian was blushing now and embarrassed!
Hua Cheng repeated 'He Xuan and I' and 'engaged' only to restart laughing while Xie Lian whined while he asked him to stop!
Xie Lian too was on the floor. His reason was different from Hua Cheng's as he poked fun at the older of the two. Xie Lian was beet read and hugged himself to curl into a shrimp as he hid his flaming face away from the teasing Hua Cheng.
Xie Lian had misunderstood everything!
It was true that He Xuan slipped a ring into Hua Cheng's finger and it was also true that the ring was meant for a proposal.
But He Xuan wasn't proposing to Hua Cheng.
He Xuan was practicing!
He had already a girlfriend whom he wanted to marry. He had planned his proposal and was practicing on Hua Cheng.
Unfortunately Xie Lian caught the two and assumed it was an actual proposal.
He was ashamed! But also relieved!
When Hua Cheng realised that Xie Lian was extremely dejected and saddened at Hua Cheng's belonging to another, he said that he was flattered.
What followed was Hua Cheng's ardent confession of his love and feelings towards Xie Lian.
Xie Lian was dumbstruck.
"I fell in love with you the moment I met you at school, Gege. I never wanted to be with someone and cared for someone as much as I felt with you and for you. I want to care for you. I want to wake up next to you. I want to make you happy and be with you when you are sad. I want to support you whenever you need me and even when you don't. I want everything with you, Gege. Xie Lian...."
Hua Cheng said all that as he held Xie Lian's hand. He said those words ardently and also shyly. Xie Lian felt butterflies in his tummy when he heard his tone.
And most of all, was overjoyed.
Tears flowed anew from his eyes and he didn't bother drying them. He laughed ear to ear when he heard each word of love fall out of Hua Cheng's mouth, his red lips.
Xie Lian threw himself into Hua Cheng's inviting embrace as he let his feelings, tears and laughter from happiness flow and flow and flow.
The two giggled as they embraced each other.
They confessed some more and exchanged lovely nothings some more, all the while never trying to move away from the other, still lying on the floor of the kitchen.
When Hua Cheng confessed that he never intended to tell Xie Lian his feelings in fear of losing him, in case Xie Lian didn't reciprocate, Xie Lian's heart melted and promised to never let go.
The couple then continued to spend the day in each other's lovely and endearing company talking and just basking in the other's presence.
Xie Lian hadn't felt as happy as that in a very long time and thanked everything that brought Hua Cheng to him.
He especially thanked He Xuan inwardly and hoped for him to spend his life with his love, married and be as happy as Hua Cheng and he would be, forever.