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Amity didn’t want to ruin their friendship.
That was her first rule.
Don’t ruin something good by tarnishing it with your stupid emotions. Especially when you know they’re all just… stupid witchling hormones. They aren’t really real, or sustainable. Not to mention the fact that her crush — no, her friend — had to go back to the human realm. Amity doubted they’d actually be able to go back and forth or anything like that. She still didn’t really understand how the realm hopping even worked. So, there.
That was why.
Luz was a really good person. She was too kind for her own good, stupid, and got in over her head for a lot of things… she didn’t really understand why she’d decided she wanted to befriend Amity of all people. She probably could have made friends with anyone in their school, anyone else would have deserved it more. A part of Amity felt like she was taking advantage of Luz’s kind heart and was cautious not to do so if she hadn’t already. Amity didn’t deserve any of Luz's support from the start. But she’d still offered it.
And now here she was again, ruining the good things that happened to her.
“Ugh,” Amity groaned, hitting her head against her bedroom wall again. She thought maybe if she did that her brain would finally start working. But no. That was not the case. If only there was a way to take all those stupid feelings she had, compartmentalize them into a box, and then light the box on fire, stomp on it, have an abomination swallow it maybe… anything to get rid of them.
Yeah. She could just tell Luz she had feelings for her. Probably. Maybe. To get it off her chest at least. She’d tried to do that with her Grom note and that didn’t really work out. It didn’t feel like it mattered. No matter how many times Luz comforted her or assured her, even if it comforted her in the moment, later all she could end up thinking about was how that all just came from Luz’s nature, being nice. That it didn’t mean she still wouldn’t reject her when she got the chance.
That was what Amity was afraid of after all, wasn’t it?
That, after all the progress she’d made, after meeting someone, someone she’d never expected to find herself getting along with at all, that she’d lose it all in an instant. Luz wouldn’t want to talk to her again. Even if she did things wouldn’t be the same. They’d be weird. Luz would probably try to overcompensate for her awkward feelings and Amity would just end up feeling terrible for even putting her in that situation. Either way, there wasn’t really any reason Amity would be a somebody to someone like Luz. Back in the human realm, Amity was sure she had so many options available to her. How could someone not love her?
“AGH.” Amity bemoaned again, going from leaning her forehead against her wall to flopping down on her bed.
Dear Titan, help me…