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"Ganyu."
She blinks, and forces the ache down her chest as the world materialises around her once more. She becomes aware of the pen in her grip, the silk parchment beneath her. Right. She had been zoning off again during work. She had been falling victim to these idle moments since Rex Lapis's death, often for a few minutes to half an hour when she is left alone.
Keqing stands in front of her, arms bundled with papers, with a curious gaze.
Ganyu shakes her head and lets out a heavy breath. "I...I apologise. Were you saying something?"
Keqing sighed, dropping the papers onto her desk. "This is the third time you've spaced out today."
Ganyu feels her cheeks burn at her words and averts her eyes. She scrambles to get the papers but then realises she still has her own unfinished pile to go through so she reels back mid-action. She begins to quickly go through her pile, her eyes scanning the words on the documents. Diplomatic letters from the other nations. Right, she was finishing a letter to the Sumeru envoy. She needed to—
"Ganyu," she hears Keqing call her again. She snaps her head upwards. Keqing furrows her eyebrows, distress masking her face. It is not an uncommon expression on her ever since the passing of their deity.
"You want to grieve for Rex Lapis," his name comes out slowly, as if she is revering the deity for the first time. "That is fine."
She wishes it is that easy to grieve for Rex Lapis. That all it would take is a few weeks worth of tears and mourning and burial traditions and the smell of incense for the pain to go away.
"Hey, I mean it," Keqing says, a little softer. "Take a break. It's fine."
She nods, getting back to writing the letter. Perhaps she does need a little breather later. "I will, once I finish this pile."
Keqing swoops the pile off of her hands. "I meant now. You're too distracted." She scrutinises the Sumerian envoy's reply letter. "Look, you even wrote this section in Liyuean. What is this...? Is this some kind of ancient poem or something?"
Ganyu widens her eyes. "Oh, my apologies. I'll make sure to rewrite that—"
"Yes, you will. Later." Keqing says firmly and gently nudges her towards the door. "Now, get out of here."
She does not go to Yujing Terrace despite its abundance of flora and its proximity to the pavilion. That terrace was where Rex Lapis died, and the that fateful day had engrained itself a little too deeply in her memory. She could not trust herself to return there in such a vulnerable state. She decides Dihua Marsh might be a better option and absentmindedly makes her way towards the marshland.
By the time she arrives in the marsh, dusk spills all over her, casting a fiery glow over the mountains and waters. She picks a few Glaze Lilies as she ambles around, its elegant sight and sweet fragrance a bittersweet ache to her chest. She shuts her eyes briefly, basking in the whispers of nature until her ears perk up to voices by the riverbank. She quietly treks down, peering from behind a tree, only to sag in relief at the sight of the traveler, Aether, his travel companion, Paimon, and that recently hired consultant from Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Mr. Zhongli, she remembers his name, when they had made brief introductions in the harbour not long ago.
She could not avoid the sudden unexplainable ripple of familiarity rolling within her at the sight of Zhongli as she draws nearer to them. There is a tugging ache on her chest, a strange feeling of familiarity to his aura, something akin to—
No. He is dead. She is projecting her illusions to a mere mortal. She refuses to think about him and pushes the thought far, far away.
"Excuse me," she instead offers a soft smile as the three of them notice her presence. "Are you looking for Glaze Lilies?"
She exchanges pleasantries with Aether, quite surprised and honored that he still remembered her name. She asks about his time at the Jade Chamber, only to find out that she had completely forgotten to actually direct him there. Embarrassment overrides her thoughts but they don't seem to mind it that much. Keqing apparently helped them out. She makes a mental reminder to treat Keqing to lunch perhaps in the coming days.
Paimon then points out that she seems to be acting a little different compared to their first meeting and she admits to taking a stroll to see the flowers.
"You came all the way out here to see the flowers?!" Paimon exclaimed. "Why not just enjoy the flowers of the city?"
She dips her head and admits her reason. They begin to tread the topic of Rex Lapis's death despite her slight unwillingness to. She patiently explains a bit of their history to the traveler, all the while aware of the intent gaze from the funeral consultant. He watches her in silence. As she rambles on about the history of the archons, she spares him a glance, mistakenly meeting his eyes.
She meets eyes of amber, casting a warm glow of pride.
"You did well, Ganyu."
"Ganyu? Ganyu!" Paimon waves her hand in front of her. "Teyvat to Ganyu!"
She shakes her head, clearing her throat. "My apologies. I don't know what went over me just now."
"Don't worry about it," Aether reassures her. He must have noticed her staring because he too turned to Zhongli. "I assume you two have met already before?"
Zhongli's gaze is still on her, an unreadable expression in his face, as he nods to Aether. "Yes...Ah, I believe it was during the Lantern Rite festival last year, was it, Ms. Ganyu?"
Ganyu nods, lowering her gaze. "It was, Sir, Mr. Zhongli. My apologies once again for interrupting. As I was saying, Liyue was under Rex Lapis's rule from the moment it was founded over 3,700 years ago. The city has never had to bid farewell to its deity."
"So what did you think of this farewell?"
She blinks. "This...this is a little sudden...I guess..." she breathes out heavily, allowing the truth to spill out of her lips. "As a mortal, I'd never dared to imagine a Liyue without Rex Lapis...But as an adeptus, I think I will eventually come to grips with reality. Since Rex Lapis passed, the time of Liyue's contract with the gods and adepti has now reached its end."
It is a terribly bitter pill to swallow, and Ganyu does not wish to grieve for now. She lifts the freshly picked Glaze Lilies on her hand. "Well...let's save that conversation for another day. You say that you are here looking for Glaze Lilies?"
She offers the flowers to the traveler, which he gladly takes and thanks her for. They tell her it is the last thing on their list for the rite of parting preparation. At the mention of the rite of parting, she realises she too needed to get back to the growing pile of paperwork in her office. She bids the traveler, Paimon, and Mr. Zhongli goodbye.
"Ms. Ganyu," Mr. Zhongli calls just as she turned. Ganyu halts, shutting her eyes. He is dead. It frustrates her that it is so easy to associate him with Rex Lapis.
She turns to him once more, a burning ache in her chest. "Yes, Sir?"
"I thank you for all you've done for Liyue." He says warmly, offering her a small smile and turns away, his coat tails swaying with the gentle breeze.
Ganyu bows her head and waits for them to leave, her lower lip trembling. As soon as they are out of the periphery, she sinks to her knees and sobs until the moonlight falls on her. Later, when she raises her head to the sound of footsteps crunching from behind, her eyes meet the solemn Xiao who sits beside her.
Ganyu will not grieve. But the same question engulfs her thoughts over and over again.
Why did you leave us?
Later, many weeks later, after Osial was sealed back underwater and the rite of parting passed, Ganyu found herself idly walking the streets of Liyue. Keqing had yet again kicked her out of the pavilion telling her to take a short break after the diplomatic chaos that was the Osial incident.
Liyue had gone through a period of mourning over the past few months. The streets would be quieter than usual, many shops bare and empty, kids nowhere in sight. Today, the usual harbour clamour seems to be breaking around her with the breaking of dawn.
She allows herself to get lost in the early morning noise. It is delicate, a bud freshly blooming after a long thunderstorm. Rex Lapis's death still hangs over the entire city but the city is slowly getting accustomed to it. It will take time, quite some time, for the city to rise back up again. She wonders how different the city will be in the near future once everything will shift to a new normal without him.
"Ah, Ms. Ganyu," a voice calls out from the side. She turns, and her eyes widen slightly at the sight of the familiar funeral consultant right by the docks. The morning sunlight illuminates his hair's amber hues. There is a serene expression on his face. She wonders what kind of person he is, what life he had lived so far. He nods in greeting. "Fancy seeing you this early in the morning. Would you care for a walk?"
Ganyu offers him a tired smile. "Hello, Mr. Zhongli. I suppose I have a bit of time."
They walk together around the waking harbour in silence. The wooden boards groan under their feet, the sound of the ocean beneath them unperturbed. He is the first to break the silence between them. "It has been over two months since Rex Lapis's death. Liyue appears to be returning to normalcy once more."
She takes in the sight before her. Somewhere inside, it saddens her that the world is moving on so quickly from such a tragic loss. She should know better, having seen more than two thousand years of this city's history along with its tragedies. Yet, she refuses to adapt with them. "I do not think Liyue could ever return to what it once was under his rule."
He hummed in response, clasping his hands behind his back. "And how might it turn out to be then, for you?"
"Something better, something worse, really, there is just so much uncertainty at the moment." She says quietly. "But to be completely honest with you, Mr. Zhongli, it pains me to see the world move on without him."
She does not know what she is looking for, what she needs for closure.
"Are you afraid of this uncertainty?" He asks, meeting her eyes.
"I..." I am afraid to grieve and of the uncertainty behind when my grief will end. The words clog in her throat. *"*As a member of the Qixing, I have full faith in our plans for Liyue. I have seen what Lady Ningguang is capable of a and know it is all for the better of Liyue." She frowns. "But...I just..."
His amber eyes gleam the rays of sunlight, rays of hope she sees when the sun casts over the jewels of Jueyun Karst. He listens to her, his silence prompting her to continue. She sees her archon once more. She blinks the tears out of her eyes.
"Ms. Ganyu?"
"Why did he leave us?" The words come spilling out of her lips. "Why didn't he..." she swallows, shutting her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mr. Zhongli. I...I apologise for losing my composure. I'm sure you just wanted a peaceful stroll."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Ms. Ganyu," he says gently. They continue to walk in silence until they reach the end of the docks, far away from the merchants and ships. "On the contrary..." Ganyu furrows her eyebrows at the strain in his voice. He stops walking and faces her.
"Mr. Zhongli?"
"Why do you refuse to grieve, Ganyu?"
The drastic shift in his voice sends ripples of shock across her chest. She stares at him, wide eyed. "S-Sir?"
"You have not come to terms with his death. You said, during our meeting with the traveler, that you will come to terms with it eventually. But you have not. And it seems you are explicitly trying to avoid it."
Ganyu does not know where this is all coming from. Something akin to anger riles up in her chest, and she wants to chide him for assuming such things about her. He knows little of her, little of her time with Rex Lapis. He is a mere mortal, and fleeting beings like him just do not understand. She should not expect him to. She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. Before she could respond, he continues.
"Liyue is in good hands," he says softly, his gaze sweeping through the nation she's loved and fought for. Her anger melts into curiosity and she observes him carefully. When his eyes meet hers once more, the single look he gives her, a searing burst of cor lapis, is all it takes for the realisation to hit her.
Ganyu's mouth falls agape.
She falls to her knees. She lowers her head and the tears come gushing out. "My...My Lord..." She cries, hiding her face underneath shaky hands. Archons, he's alive. He's here. He's—
"Raise your head, dear Ganyu," she hears him say but it only makes her cry more. She wails like a young child.
She feels his hands reach out to her as he kneels and his arms, the burly, rugged arms of the brutal yet benevolent man she's fought beside during the archon war, envelop her.
"Liyue is in good hands," he repeats, his voice low but kind. "I do not doubt the adepti, the qixing, you. Your continuous dedication and perseverance for this land is what assured me of my choice to step down."
He pulls away slowly and when Ganyu looks up at him again, he looks at her with pride. She does not care much for pride, but she soaks up as much as she can get. She looks at him incredulously, gripping his sleeves, making sure what she touches is truly firm and alive. She smiles back and the tears continue to trickle. He lets out a quiet chuckle.
She sniffles, tucking her arms across her chest. "S-Sir why...why didn't you tell us?"
He pushes himself upwards. "It was only a matter of when. I always had plans of revealing myself to the adepti."
They fall into a silence. Ganyu's eyes slowly move down and she rubs her arms. "My lord...?"
"Yes?"
"I...I know you said that Liyue is in good hands, and I said I was going to accept your death," she mumbles. "But...but I could not. I...I did not want to. The other adepti seem to be taking it as well as they could but I..."
"Do not trouble yourself over that, Ganyu." She frowns and bits her lip but does not say further. He continues. "Hearing of one's passing will always evoke agonising emotions. We've lost many comrades in the ages past, many dear to us..." Something crosses his expression just then.
"Guizhong..." Ganyu murmurs.
He bows his head. "Liyue has seen thousands of years of bloodshed, of tragedies, of celebrations, of growth and it did not falter. It evolves, and so must we. Stepping down as the archon will allow the mortals to fully lead and decide for themselves how they want to shape our nation's future."
Ganyu nods. She too is aware of the changing of tides, the erosion of rocks, the inevitable shift. She thinks about her own role in all of it, first serving their deity directly, side by side to physically protect Liyue from all dangers. Now, as the Qixing's secretary, it is very much different from her adeptus upbringings and journeys, but she supposes this role of hers too allows her to protect Liyue, and allow their beloved nation to prosper—just in a different way.
Her thoughts drift to Xiao, and the many times she's watched the conquerer of demons charge at his targets with tears running down his cheeks and a little more aggression than usual. "Sir, Xiao..." she says, trailing off.
Zhongli—Rex Lapis nods. "I will speak to Xiao later this afternoon. Would you care to join me on a trip to Jueyun Karst to see the other adepti?"
Ganyu's eyes light up. "Of course, Sir. It would be my honor."
He glances at his watch and his eyebrows raise. "Ah, it seems I must return now to my duties at the funeral parlour. Will you be okay, Ganyu?"
Ganyu shoots upwards, wiping the tears from her eyes, nodding profusely. "Yes, yes, my Lord." She bows deeply. "I...I am very glad you are alive, Sir. Can I...well if I convince Xiao to perhaps come with me sometime, can we visit you at the funeral parlour?" She asks sheepishly.
"Yes, of course," he replies lightly. "I would very much appreciate that. I will see you later."
Ganyu watches him leave. She lets out a small chuckle, despite herself, and once he disappears into the crowd of people, she makes her way towards Wanmin restaurant to get some breakfast. Before she makes it out of the docks, she sees a familiar figure standing by the cliff overlooking the harbour. Xiao stands there, hand on his chest, his face a multitude of emotions. He is looking at her. She nods. His entire body nearly collapses with what she assumes to be relief. She thinks she even sees him crying. A tear trickles down her cheek as well as she weaved through the bustling streets.