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Kyungsoo is cleaning up in his dorm when he hears his phone ring from the other side of the room. Standing, not really paying attention to what he’s doing, he picks it up and says without looking, “Hello?”
“Kyungsoo.”
Baekhyun’s voice sounds subdued. Kyungsoo focuses in on it, suddenly awake. “Hey.”
“You heard, right? That I’m going.”
“... Yeah.”
“Okay.” There’s nothing for a moment. Kyungsoo listens to the silence. He’s still standing in the middle of his living room, unmoving. “Can I... can I come over?”
The hesitation in his voice is strange for Kyungsoo to hear, but he doesn’t mention it. “I’ll keep the door open for you.”
“Thanks.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll see you soon, then.”
“Bye.”
The line clicking off is what wakes Kyungsoo out of his stupor. Baekhyun is coming over. He should clean up.
Putting away magazines and papers, Kyungsoo feels like he’s somewhere outside of his head. He heard about Baekhyun’s enlistment. Of course he had. There were talks of it in their group chat for every one of the members at least once, and he’s sure Baekhyun mentioned it a number of times, but since Kyungsoo doesn’t pay much attention to the group chat it’s still jarring. In the end, it was Yixing texting in the group chat, :( that alerted him of the news. And now, Baekhyun’s call.
They all leave eventually. Minseok first, then himself. Then Junmyeon and Jongdae, and soon Chanyeol. Now Baekhyun. It’s not like they’re going to be gone forever. Ever since they moved to different places, Kyungsoo had gotten used to seeing them less often. It’s not such a difficult transition, although he does miss them more when they’re gone.
He’s sure Baekhyun must be upset. Even with all the time to come to terms with it, actually announcing it and making it official is different. Kyungsoo should know; he’s been through it before.
The door opening jolts Kyungsoo out of his thoughts. Baekhyun steps in, holding a bag of food. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo echoes. “You can put that here.”
“Are you hungry? Because I’m going to eat now and I bought enough for both of us.”
“I’ll eat.” They settle on the carpet between the table and the sofa, shoulder to shoulder. And they ignore for a bit why Baekhyun came. “Thai takeout, huh?”
“It’s good comfort food.”
Kyungsoo hums his agreement. They fall into silence while they eat, and Kyungsoo is reminded of how little they’ve seen each other since he came back from the military. A meal, of course, when he returned. After that, barely anything. Out of everyone, Kyungsoo’s seen Sehun the most. For some reason, that fact pops into his head. He glances at Baekhyun. Why...?
“Do you want the other members to come over, too?” Kyungsoo asks. “I know Sehun isn’t busy. We could call him.”
“No, it’s fine. I just kind of want to hang out with you.”
He doesn’t get it. Why would anyone want to hang out with him? But still, this is Baekhyun he’s talking about. Unpredictable, puzzling Baekhyun. Still hard to understand even after all these years. He’s usually livelier. Not as withdrawn as this.
Maybe he just wants someone quiet. Kyungsoo’s good at quiet. He returns to his food.
It’s been a while since they’ve seen each other. Longer since it’s been just the two of them. Kyungsoo can feel the slight clumsiness to their conversation, but at the same time it isn’t impossibly uncomfortable. He’s glad Baekhyun is okay with going without small talk—maybe that’s part of the reason why they get along surprisingly well.
“How did you deal with it?” Baekhyun asks suddenly, breaking the silence. Kyungsoo glances over, but he isn’t looking at him.
“Deal with what?”
“I don’t know. A lot of things. Like telling everyone.”
“I didn’t say it live. It wasn’t as hard.”
“Okay, then how did you deal with just... knowing you had to leave? You knew for a long time, right?”
Kyungsoo thinks about it, but there isn’t much to think about. “I knew I had to do it. There wasn’t any point in dwelling over it.”
“So you weren’t upset?” Baekhyun presses. Somehow Kyungsoo feels like he’s searching for something, and while Kyungsoo normally isn’t the type to cater to another person’s desires he isn’t even sure of, he wants to for some reason.
“I was upset,” he relents. “I didn’t want to go to the military. I don’t think a lot of us do. And I was afraid of being forgotten. But you grow out of that. You come out okay.”
“I don’t know.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t like this. Seeing Baekhyun like this. It’s uncomfortable. Strange. It bothers him for some reason, Baekhyun's frown. “You’ll be okay.”
Baekhyun's too good of a person. Kyungsoo knows he senses his discomfort with how he sits suddenly with a loud sigh and smiles, reaching over to grab the plastic bag and take out a can. “Will you be my designated driver if I get drunk?”
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Just stay here.”
“Fine, but I’m taking the couch.” Kyungsoo knows Baekhyun is watching him as he gets up. When he returns with actual bottles of alcohol, Baekhyun turns to mush. “Really?”
“Yes, really. I’ll let you drink here tonight. So get rid of that cheap canned alcohol and get drunk on this instead.”
“I promise I won't be too much of a burden,” Baekhyun says, pouring them both a shot. The words itch Kyungsoo the wrong way, but he doesn’t say anything about it.
Baekhyun still gets tipsy easily. Kyungsoo mentions it after a couple of drinks and Baekhyun replies in light-hearted offense that he's gotten better since before. "You wouldn't know," Baekhyun says, "but that's because you were away."
It's true. Two years is a long time, Kyungsoo thinks, watching Baekhyun eat. They've come a long way, haven't they? All of them, together. Did they ever imagine a future like this? A million memories and awards later. When they debuted, they didn't think about things so far away like enlisting. Now they're all thinking about it.
"Congratulations on your album," Kyungsoo says.
Baekhyun smiles wryly. "Thanks."
"They won't forget about you." When Baekhyun looks at him with surprise, Kyungsoo falters. "If you're worrying about that, you shouldn't. They won't forget about you."
Baekhyun tilts his head, resting it on his knees as he smiles at him. "I know." Then, "Thank you."
They spend the rest of the night doing nothing but trading silences and short conversations, but Kyungsoo feels full on that alone. Baekhyun is confusing because he's good at being lively just as much as he's good at being steady. A part of Kyungsoo wonders if he really got better at drinking or if he just got better at hiding how drunk he is, because he's quiet and calm but every so often Kyungsoo will see a shift in his eyes. He's still worried. But who wouldn't be?
"Do you have to go anywhere tomorrow?" Baekhyun asks. He has his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder, eyes closed.
"In the afternoon, yeah."
"Can I stay in the morning? I think I'm going to be too hungover to leave."
"Stay as long as you want," Kyungsoo says. "But if you're planning on getting drunk while I'm gone, I'm really going to call Sehun."
Baekhyun laughs. He breathes out. "I'm not that sad."
Could have fooled him.
"You're so stiff," Baekhyun says, sliding closer. They're already close enough. "Can't you hug me? So I can cry or something."
"You could have gone to anyone else," Kyungsoo mutters, but he puts an arm around him and holds him anyway. He must really be upset. Kyungsoo rubs his shoulder and leans against him too.
"Don't worry..." Baekhyun's voice is drowsy. "I won't cry."
Kyungsoo knows it's the truth when he feels Baekhyun relax against him, fast asleep.