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Patrick threw down his keys on the counter as he came in and was hit by a wave of exhaustion. It was only 4.30 on Saturday afternoon and he would happily sleep until Monday.
It had in fairness been a hell of a week. Actually a hell of two weeks. Two weeks ago tomorrow he’d dragged his unwilling boyfriend up a mountain and proposed. Then he’d performed in his first ever musical in about ten years. After a week of shows, he’d gone to a wedding venue viewing...and spent more time waiting for Bob to come and start his car than he’d like. Then they’d jumped into a busy week at the Store with an added bonus of a day’s Tax seminar for him in Elmdale. Meanwhile David had been like an excited puppy, talking wedding plans constantly. To the point, Patrick’s head was spinning. It wasn’t that he wasn’t excited, it was just the last two weeks had been … a lot.
He hadn’t slept much during the show’s run. Getting in late and being wired from the show hadn’t helped. Plus putting in full days at work. This week it had caught up with him, but he still wasn’t sleeping right. His mind whirred over everything there was to do, for the Store, for whatever wedding plans David had added that day. The Store was busy too, which was great. It was all great. But it was a lot.
He wondered if it was bedtime yet. Not really. Unless he wanted to be awake again at 2am. And David would be over later. He’d said he was going back to the Motel, but he hadn’t spent a night at home in the last two weeks. Patrick smiled at that.
Still he could lie on the bed for a bit. He had nothing else to do now. Blissfully nothing else to do.
He pulled off his shoes by the door and kicked them aside. Figuring he wasn’t going back out he undid his shirt and hung it up and pulled off his jeans and pulled on sweatpants. His Cabaret shorts were still in the laundry hamper and he smiled to himself- what he thought he was going to do with them ever again was a mystery, but they were nice to have. Maybe one Halloween he and Stevie could recycle the costumes. Would David have to go as a Kit Kat Klub dancer? Maybe. He smiled again to himself.
Folding his jeans he spotted one of David’s sweaters folded up. One of the sweatshirt cosy hoodies. He pulled it down and pulled it on. He’d never done that before. Worn anything of David’s. Mostly because of a combination of fear of damaging sweaters that cost more than his car. Or the fact he’d look ridiculous in them. But this one with the white lines was just a normal hoodie. But super soft. And big. Given it was oversized on David, it drowned him a bit and he worked his hands up in the sleeves. It smelled like whatever expensive body lotion David was currently using, but also faintly like the Store. Mostly it smelled like home. He wasn’t sure when he’d become that guy, the steal your boyfriend’s clothes when you have a cupboard full of perfectly reasonable sweaters of your own, but he liked it.
And as strange as it was, while he was glad of a moment to himself, he already missed David.
He’d never missed someone so much before when they weren’t around. ‘Only Child behaviour’ Rachel had always said with a roll of her eyes when Patrick had wanted time alone. And it was true he was happy in his own company. He needed alone time to recharge sometimes. Or at least quiet time, in his own space. And yes, growing up an only child was part of it. He was used to being in his own company. He needed it sometimes. He wasn’t totally an introvert, shockingly from outward appearances perhaps, it was David who was. And while Patrick thrived in social situations, enjoyed group activities, he also needed some alone time to balance that. In contrast, any extended group or social situation made David crash and crash hard after.
The greatest compliment David had paid him was telling him that he ‘didn’t count as people’. In any other context it might have sounded like an insult but Patrick knew what he meant. They could be around each other and it not take up any energy. It was the kind of thing you didn’t know you needed until you had it. And it meant David would retreat here without asking when the Motel got loud, or after a busy day at work. Or just because. More often than not he’d find him curled up on his sofa or asleep in his bed even when he wasn’t expecting him there. And he never minded.
‘Ridiculous’ he muttered to himself, realising he missed David. They’d been apart all of an hour. It was also ridiculous, but true, that since proposing, all he’d wanted was for them to be together, all the time. Immediately. Until a couple of days after he hadn’t realised how much he’d needed it. That feeling of solidity, that this really was forever. That he’d almost as well given up on proposing for another day seemed ridiculous to him now. That he’d have waited another day. And while the wedding was likely to be a production- to put it lightly- and months in the planning. He just wanted their life to start.
‘Ridiculous.’ he said to himself again with a yawn. Their life had already started, he just had to wait for the next phase. But right now he was exhausted. He crawled onto the bed and flopped into the middle. He worked his hands inside the sleeves of the sweater and was almost instantly asleep.
David let himself in at 6.30. Patrick hadn’t answered his texts but he figured he was either ignoring him which was fair, he had even by his own standards been inundating his fiance with information all week. Or was just busy. He’d barely had a moment to himself all week. For which he was feeling guilty now.
‘Hey I-’ He stopped with a smile as he came in. Patrick was curled up in a ball on his bed, fast asleep. He walked over quietly. He was snoring lightly, and very very asleep. And wearing David’s sweater. He bit his lip and grinned. Nobody had ever worn his clothes before. Stolen yes, never worn. Why Patrick decided he needed a giant sweater to sleep in when he had many perfectly disgusting old hoodies he usually wore wasn’t the point. But the image of him curled up in a brilliantly oversized sweater was more adorable than he would ever admit to a conscious Patrick. He took a moment to watch him sleep. Something that was again not something he ever thought he’d do. But his boyfriend- his fiance- was very cute when he was asleep. Very small, very young looking- David was choosing to enjoy his attractive younger man rather than dwell on being older by a good few years. Mostly he just enjoyed how adorable he found Patrick. Not that he’d ever admit to finding anything cute, or adorable for the mockery that would surely follow. Still he was very cute. David reached down and pulled the blanket over Patrick’s legs. It wasn’t at all cold, but he felt like he should be cosy. Patrick shifted a bit in his sleep but didn’t wake up. Clearly he’d been exhausted by the week. The weeks.
And what a week.
David perched himself on the bed for a moment. They hadn’t stopped for a good two weeks. And exactly two weeks ago they’d been halfway up a mountain and just engaged. He looked down at his left hand, still not quite sure it was real. He still kept checking it was. He’d also asked Patrick with varying degrees of sincerity if he was really sure. There was some debate over that at 2am when he asked.
And he’d got to watch with pride as his fiance and best friend performed in his Mom’s show night after night. He hadn’t told Patrick he’d also spent every night or lunch break all week recounting the show to his Mom, step by step, through the closet door. He’d done that with episodes of her show when he was a kid too and she was having a ‘moment’. And then he’d come home most nights with Patrick and listened to him talk excitedly about the show. Something had shifted in him too, he had always had an annoying air of confidence, but this was something different. Something in the show maybe, and everything else, he seemed more at ease with himself than before. David hadn’t noticed when he hadn’t been, only ever known the previous version of Patrick. But this slightly different version was nice to see. Even if currently he was fast asleep, and not very entertaining. But he was, David once again conceded, very cute. But it was also possibly, slightly creepy to keep watching him sleep.
He’d give him a little longer and then wake him up. As he stood up he had an idea, got out his phone and tapped out some instructions with his order. Done.
He spent the next half an hour giving the apartment the cleaning that had been neglected for over two weeks now. Rounding up stray clothes for the laundry hamper. Tidying away books that apparently, Patrick was reading at least six of, and adding them to his pile of notebooks on the desk, squaring that away too, but careful not to disturb the filing system- he’d learned the hard way there. He gave the bathroom a once over, apparently Patrick and make-up was a messy business, given the state of the towels. Which also went in the hamper. And finally, he even did the dishes. Finishing, just in time, with opening some wine. Through all of it Patrick still slept soundly, clearly, he was wiped out. David caught himself yawning too as his phone pinged and he went downstairs to open the door.
He came back triumphant with two pizzas. Telling himself there would be leftovers to justify it. He clicked the door shut and grinned at his ridiculous plan.
He carried the pizza over to the bed where Patrick was still sound asleep. Carefully he laid the pizza down on the bed inches from Patrick’s face. And then lay down on the other side of the pizza.
Patrick blinked his eyes open. He could smell something and something felt different. He opened his eyes to a pizza box and David grinning at him.
‘What the-’ he sat up, a little too quickly.
‘Pizza.’ David grinned.
‘I can see. David, why is there a pizza in the bed?’
‘Pizza in bed.’ David grinned.
It took Patrick’s sleepy brain a second to catch up. And he grinned.
‘Well hello by the way.’ he said, leaning over the pizza to kiss his very smug-looking partner.
‘Hello yourself.’ David grinned.
‘So uh how long before this pizza is the perfect temperature in your wisdom?’ Patrick asked.
David considered ‘I’d say ten minutes.’
‘We can do a lot in ten minutes.’ Patrick said with a grin. David reached between them and lifted the pizza out of the way, placing it on top of what Patrick saw was a second pizza box on the desk. ‘Two?’
‘Worked up an appetite. And leftovers.’ David said ‘Who orders one pizza? Also aren’t you getting distracted by pizza when…’
Patrick smiled as David rolled into him and kissed him. He let himself be pulled into him for a moment. Then David pulled back, and grabbed at the sweater ‘This looks very good on you by the way, maybe we should start introducing monochrome into your colour palette.’
Patrick blushed. He hadn’t thought he’d be so embarrassed to be caught wearing David’s clothes. ‘At least you’re not mad I borrowed it.’ he muttered.
‘Mmm’ David said, kissing his neck. ‘How can I be mad when you look so cute.’
‘Cute?’ Patrick raised an eyebrow and grinned. And grinned some more at David rolling his eyes.
‘Yes, you look perfectly adorable in my sweater.’
‘How exactly?’ Patrick had him now, and his devilish grin said he wasn’t letting go. David huffed.
‘Well.’ he said. ‘You look all soft and squishy. And it makes you look small and sweet when you were asleep. Not so much now you’re talking.’ he leaned over and kissed him.
‘Well that’ll shut me up’ Patrick said, pulling back.
‘Clearly not enough’ David countered, going back in for a kiss, making it last this time. They eventually pulled apart, and he pulled Patrick into him as they lay side by side, exchanging light kisses. Patrick hooked a leg over David’s knees and pulled him in closer. They’d joked, but the next ten minutes felt more like a time for lazy cuddles than anything more adventurous.
Patrick wrapped himself around David and played with the strings attached to his old hoodie. And realised he’d changed into soft pants and this familiar older black sweater. It was very plain, very dressed down basically his pyjamas- except David enjoyed a statement top in his sleepwear often. He played with the sleeve of his top and realised it had taken a long time for David to turn up not in an ‘outfit’ he wasn’t sure when that had happened, but it was like he dropped his suit of armour. He dropped his head into David’s chest and squeezed him.
‘You ok?’ David murmured into Patrick’s hair.
‘Mmm’ he answered, detangling himself enough to speak, scooting up onto the pillows so David could rest on his chest. ‘Tired.’ on cue he yawned.
‘Busy few weeks.’ David mused.
‘Big few weeks.’ Patrick said.
‘Well, the tax seminar in Elmdale was a highlight no doubt.’
‘That it was.’ he looked down at David’s head on his chest and smiled. ‘Hey.’ he said, giving him a nudge. David looked up with a slight frown. ‘I love you.’ Patrick smiled. David’s face broke into a grin.
‘Love you.’ he said, reaching up for a kiss. ‘Pizza?’
Patrick nodded.
The with one and a half pizzas consumed between them they lay dozing slightly on the bed. David had flopped somewhat dramatically declaring he could never move again but had rolled gratefully into Patrick, who was playing with his hair absently.
‘Hey David.’ he said.
‘Mmphf’ David complained clearly fearing he’d be asked to move.
‘We’re getting married.’ Patrick said with a smile.
David lifted his head and smiled at him.
‘I hope you’re not only just figuring this out now?’ he asked ‘Because I’ve already been calling a variety of florists.’
Patrick kissed his hair. ‘No, very certain it was happening given the number of emails you sent with WEDDING in the subject line.’ he smiled, ‘Just, we’re getting married.’ he said softly with a soft smile.
David leaned up on an elbow and kissed him softly. ‘Yes we are.’ he said grinning. Then frowned.
‘Did you always want to?’ he asked ‘Get married?’
Patrick shrugged ‘I guess?’ he said ‘I mean I just sort of assumed I would, and then it didn’t exactly go to plan the first time around.’ he paused, looking down ‘But then I didn’t want a future where we both weren’t certain this is forever.’
David grinned wider at that, and Patrick nodded at him.
‘What about you? I mean I know you’re not exactly conventional in some ways but…’
‘I always wanted it.’ he said ‘I just didn’t think I’d get it.’
Patrick put a hand to his cheek and leaned in softly kissing him.
‘You’ve got it.’ he said, ‘I promise.’
‘You say that now, but you haven’t planned a wedding with me.’ David grinned mischievously.
‘Well your dad survived it with your mom so maybe I’ll ask him.’ Patrick smiled. ‘Hey are there pictures? Moira Rose’s wedding dress I’d like to see…’
‘Hold on.’ David said reaching for his phone, he tapped about a bit, grinned and handed it to Patrick who grinned too. It was an old article on the Roses, some kind of home tour and interview that included old photos, some from events and shots of Moria on her show, Johnny at Rose Video events. Patrick had seen pictures of their old house before, so that wasn’t why David pulled it up. Included in the article was a picture of Mr and Mrs Rose on their wedding day, in all its early 80s glory. They were outside, on a manicured lawn somewhere on a sunny day, they were the people Patrick knew and yet also not.
‘Well, that is...something.’ Patrick grinned.
‘The hair alone.’ David laughed.
Patrick looked again, he wasn’t wrong. Mr Rose had clearly not learned the art of the blow-dry until much later, and his hair was tightly curled and there was no getting away from it, big. It sort of went straight up, whether held by hairspray or the sheer volume of hair was anyone’s guess. ‘Is that…’ he said pointing at Mrs Rose.
‘Oh no that was her real hair, I am ashamed to say.’ David laughed. ‘Not even an 80s perm, but a 70s hangover.’ He grinned. ‘But I guess it distracts from the volume of the dress.’
Patrick grinned, the dress was indeed very very large, drowning the tiny frame of Mrs Rose, who also appeared not to be wearing heels, so she looked both tiny next to Mr Rose, but also slightly like her dress might swallow her. He was struck by how little makeup she was wearing, and how pretty she was despite the volume of dress and clothes. ‘Still David she looks beautiful.’ he smiled.
David grinned proudly, he was there was never any doubt very protective and proud of his Mom. ‘I always think she looks so happy in that picture.’ he said with a smile. ‘That and a few others with my Dad, not a big events like this.’ he scrolled up, ‘But they always look happy together.’
Patrick reached for his phone and opened Facebook. His Mom was the kind of woman who had scanned and uploaded her wedding photos to Facebook, it took him a few moments but he found what he was looking for, smiled and handed the phone to David, who grinned.
‘Oh the 80s found your Mom’s hair too?’ he laughed.
‘Yes, yes they did.’ he grinned, it wasn’t permed but it was...big.
‘What year did they…?’ he asked as Patrick flicked to another photo to show him the dress properly, ‘your mom looks young.’
‘Um, 1980?’ he said ‘they met in college and I guess then you just got on with it.’
‘Same year as my parents.’ David tilted his head sideways. ‘Huh, in another life we could have run into each other somewhere.’
‘Except I am of course much younger.’ Patrick teased and David made a face and resumed looking at the pictures scrolling through the five or six in the album.
‘Your Dad had red hair.’ he mused, ‘Your Mom looks beautiful.’ Patrick’s parents were younger than his had been when they got married, and it got him wondering not for the first time about something.
‘David?’ he realised he must have been staring strangely at the picture. He shook his head and handed the phone back with a smile.
‘Your parents, they -I mean they didn’t have you for a little while? I mean mine did too but my mom was on her show and my dad was doing his thing...were they just busy too? But they didn’t have other kids? But you’ve got so many cousins…’ he trailed off with a shrug, not sure what he was asking or if it was appropriate.
Patrick nodded, ‘Yeah I mean, I think they probably wanted more- hell my Dad probably wanted a whole Hockey team.’ he chuckled softly, but felt David’s hand on his arm ‘They tried, I mean before me, I think after they got told not to.’ they’d never talked about it, and he’d never had cause to be sad about not having siblings- his parents had made sure his childhood was full of cousins and school friends and everything else. But he sometimes felt for his parents knowing they would have liked a bigger family. And as they got older the responsibility too, of being an only child, was one he felt.
‘You can borrow my sibling if you want. Hell if they want to adopt her even.’ David attempted to lighten the mood but sensed it wasn’t right. ‘That’s tough though if they, you know wanted more kids. On you too.’ he raised an eyebrow and Patrick was impressed once again at how perceptive he could be sometimes.
‘Yeah I mean I guess, whatever way you look at it, only child it’s this weird pressure, live up to expectations whatever.’ he shrugged and pulled his knees up. ‘But as they get older I worry, you know being far away, if something happens, it’s just me…’ he shrugged again and David put a hand on his knee.
‘We’ll do whatever we can to help them,'' he said with a nod. Patrick nodded back.
‘Thanks.’ he said, then thought for a bit. ‘As much as it might have been in their plans to have more kids, they never talked about it with regret, like it was never ‘if only…’ or anything, they got one, and that was fine.’ he paused ‘And it would have been fine if they’d ended up with none. They were still happy with each other.’
David’s face twitched and Patrick tilted his head and frowned.
‘Ok this might have been a question to ask before you like proposed.’ David looked upwards ‘But do you want kids?’
Patrick shrugged. ‘I assumed I would have them. Because it’s what you do.’ he looked at David, ‘But I don’t need kids.’
That seemed to appease David for a second before a switch flipped, and Patrick could see the cogs turning and the panic happening. And sure enough.
‘Are you sure-sure? Because what if we get five years from now, and you realise ‘fuck I wanted kids’ and I don’t- I really don’t. And this is not an ‘oh David you’ll grow up one day and realise you don’t’ like I don’t I never have, and I would be a terrible Dad, and you wouldn’t be and-’
Patrick cut him off with a kiss, sometimes it was the only way. He rested his head on David’s forehead for a second.
‘David, I don’t need to have kids ok?’ he shifted back on his elbow ‘Kids was part of my plan because it was the default- married, kids whatever. I don’t want the default, I want what makes me happy.’ he shrugged ‘Our life makes me happy.’
David considered for a moment and nodded slowly, then he flicked his eyes down. ‘Our life makes me happy too.’
Patrick smiled slowly, reaching a hand to his cheek and rubbing a thumb back and forth for a moment. ‘I want to be married to you. The rest we’ll figure out as we go ok?’
David nodded into his hand and then shifted to lie on Patrick’s chest, sighing a little when he brought his hand up to his hair and kissed his head.
‘Did you always want to get married?’ David asked, holding his hand up ‘I mean I guess you didn’t dream about it this way but did you?’
Patrick brought his hand up to David’s and ran his thumb over the rings. ‘Well firstly I’d say this way is better than I ever imagined.’ he smiled as David twisted to smile at him. ‘And I guess.’ he said ‘my parents always had a pretty rock solid marriage, and I guess I always thought well it would be nice to have that. Someone always on your team, there for you, whatever.’ he exhaled, this was easier without David looking at him ‘I guess I got so caught up in the idea of it, that I just went along with what felt easiest.’ David entwined their fingers and he carried on ‘But until I met you I didn’t realise how easy it could be.’
David smiled at him, that softer lopsided smile he seemed to keep only for Patrick.
‘You tell them, and I’ll have to kill you.’ he smiled ‘but my parents always made me believe in marriage, even though the worst of it all.’ he rolled his eyes ‘I mean if Moira Rose can find someone to put up with her for forty years, maybe her son had a chance too you know.’
‘I might ask your dad for tips.’ Patrick smiled, then leaned over and kissed him, ‘I promise you more than forty years David, as many years as I have.’
David raised his eyes to the ceiling ‘You know you really have to stop saying things that nice to me.’ he said wiping the back of his hand across his cheek ‘I mean don’t but.’ he let out a bit and smiled. ‘I love you.’ he said with a shake of his head.
‘I love you too David Rose.’ Patrick smiled, reaching over and pulling him in for a kiss. Then he pulled back and considered. ‘Huh.’ he said.
‘What?’ David asked with a frown.
‘David Rose.’ he said ‘I mean I hadn’t given much thought to names...if either of us is going to change them…he leaned back on the pillows. ‘I mean the business is in your name so I guess it makes sense if we’re married to both be ‘Rose’’ he nodded considering it and glanced over at David who was grinning ‘What?’ he asked.
‘You’d change your name?’ David asked.
Patrick shrugged ‘Sure. I mean I was awaiting some lecture on how it’s inherently patriarchal and outdated and how we put pressure on women to do it which is wholly unnecessary…’
‘Oh, it’s all those things.’ David said twisting to look at him. ‘Patrick Rose.’ he grinned.
Patrick shrugged ‘I’ve heard worse.’ he said.
‘I don’t like it.’ David declared ‘It’s incorrect.’
‘I’m sorry David are you telling me my name is incorrect as well now?’
David nodded. ‘Yes I am.’ he said poking at Patrick’s arm as he said it.
‘Well alright but no bitching to me about not being ‘on brand’ as a couple or whatever.’ Patrick rolled his eyes ‘C’mon let’s clear this pizza up.’ he hauled himself upright and gathered it up. ‘Or you know I will.’ he stood up to see David staring at him. ‘What?!’ he said slightly grumpy for reasons he couldn’t quite place.
‘Nothing.’ David smirked and watched Patrick walk away with the pizza boxes. ‘I just think the future Patrick Brewer-Rose should be a little nicer to his betrothed is all.’
Patrick stopped at the table where he’d got to with the boxes. He turned around to see David grinning at him from the bed.
‘Patrick Brewer-Rose?’ he asked folding his arms. David nodded. Patrick walked slowly across the room, trying hard to keep the grin off his face. David hauled himself up to his knees and met him at the end of the bed, wrapping his arms around his neck. ‘Well David Brewer-Rose, I like the sound of that.’
He’d expected David to laugh, to tease him, to throw him on the bed. Instead, he bit his lip and instantly tears escaped his eyes. Patrick lifted a hand to his cheek and wiped at it.
‘David Brewer-Rose.’ he said softer this time, ‘I like that.’
‘Patrick Brewer-Rose.’ David replied ‘I like that too.’
‘Good.’ Patrick said, leaning in and kissing him. ‘Me too.’
‘Bed Mr Brewer Rose?’ David asked arching an eyebrow.
‘Oh I think so Mr Brewer-Rose.’ Patrick shoved him backwards on the bed and felt himself pulled down on top of his ridiculous almost-husband.