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Katsuki ran through the hospital lobby, ignoring the protests of the receptionists and nurses alike. The hospital had already told him the room number and he wasn’t going to waste time signing in.
He ripped open the door to Ochako’s room but was caught by security just as he saw how severe her injuries were.
She had been at a rescue operation in the mountains when the villain attacked. She did all she could to protect the family she was helping, who had made it out safely thanks to Tsu, but Ochako had been run through with a spear and was cut all over. The villain had escaped.
“Sir, please. You can’t just barge in!”
“I’m Katsuki Bakugou. She’s my wife. I'm the emergency contact. Let me in!”
“She’s in critical condition and about to head to surgery. You can’t see her yet.”
Katsuki thrashed in security’s arms.
“If you don’t calm down, I’ll throw you out. I don’t think you want that,” the officer said.
“Please just wait for the doctor to call on you, Mr. Bakugou,” the nurse pleaded.
Katsuki stopped thrashing and nodded angrily. Security escorted him to the waiting room and stood at the entrance to the hallway to make sure he didn’t try to leave. Waiting was the worst part. It was hours before the doctor called Katsuki’s name.
“Mr. Bakugou,” the doctor said quietly. “Come with me.”
Katsuki followed the doctor to a small room and the doctor sat at a beat up desk.
“I’m sorry. There were complications with the surgery. Your wife is...not going to make it.”
Katsuki went numb.
“She lost a lot of blood. Even after removing the spear and a blood transfusion, it’s unlikely she’ll last the night. The injuries to her internal organs were severe to say the least. We’ve put her in a medically induced coma to ease her pain as she goes but I would say goodbye and notify your loved ones.”
“Is there even a chance?” Katsuki whispered.
“It’s too slim to give a percentage.”
Katsuki nodded once. Rage bubbled in his stomach.
“You can see her now. Again, I’m sorry. We did everything we could.”
Katsuki nodded again and left the room, heading directly for Ochako’s room. He quickly texted Eri to see if she was in town as a last ditch effort. He left out the small detail of Ochako dying and just said she was in the hospital. Katsuki knew she took a lot of out of town missions and she didn't answer her phone when she was on duty. He had to try something. He was furious that he couldn't do more.
Anger radiated through his body. He hated the doctors who couldn't save her. He wanted to murder the villain who had done this. He wanted to strangle Tsu for leaving Ochako alone. Most of all, he was completely uninterested in a life without his wife by his side.
When he got to her door, his hands hovered over the handle. These were his last moments with his favorite person. He needed to make the most of it. He couldn't barge in like this; his temper out of control and his palms itching to level the hospital. Ochako deserved her last moments to be peaceful. So Katsuki calmed himself down best he could and opened the door, his chest tightening with every movement as he walked over to her bed. She had been cleaned up a little but bandages covered her body. They’d kept her face open except for some liquid bandages to cover the cuts on her cheeks and forehead.
Monitors beeped and the humming of the lights and air conditioning made the room seem fuzzy.
Katsuki sat next to the bed and held Ochako’s hand.
“You know, I always pictured it the other way,” he said quietly. “I figured it’d be me who did something reckless or pushed too hard. You always did surprise me,” Katsuki chuckled sadly. He didn’t know how much longer he could talk without breaking down.
At least they didn’t have children. He wouldn’t have to explain to anyone what death was. Katsuki was sure her parents had already been notified. He’d have to tell his friends and family but they wouldn’t ask him where she was or if she was coming home. They’d understand she was gone.
“I don’t know why I’m thinking about kids,” Katsuki said out loud. “We never wanted them but now I’m here thinking about what I’d say if we did.”
The sounds of the medical equipment were the only reply.
“Maybe because they’re so innocent or they live in a world where that slim chance was enough.”
Katsuki pulled Ochako’s hand up to his face and placed it on his cheek.
"You've got a lot of guts still, Cheeks. I know you want to pull through with everything you have. Other people would have given up by now."
He took a deep breath and pressed her palm closer to his face.
“I want to say keep going. If anyone can do this, it's you. Hell, if you want to keep fighting, I'm all for it. I want you to pull through--but I’m not stupid. It’s not just the injuries. They’re bad but...I know you’re tired. Don’t think I haven’t heard you muttering about retiring and heading out to the country. I didn’t say anything because you obviously weren’t ready. Maybe if you had--,” Katsuki choked on his words and held his wife’s hand tighter.
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t want to disappoint me. I probably would’ve said let’s give it a couple more years. Only because I need time to adjust to the idea of not being a hero. You know how I am.”
Katsuki rubbed her hand for a few moments.
“I hate this, Ochako. I know there’s nothing I can do but--how is that possible? How can there be nothing that I can do? There’s no winning right now.”
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Katsuki didn’t want to cry yet. He needed to keep talking to her. He needed to savor the warmth of her skin. He needed to memorize the sound of her breathing, even if it was tainted with the horrible beeps and buzzes of the hospital.
Katsuki stroked her forearm and sighed.
“Do you remember when we merged our agencies and I told you that now we’d always be together whether we liked it or not?” Katsuki's voice cracked and he swallowed the emotions that were trying to spill out. “I should have been there with you. You had handled so many rescues by yourself and I had a group attack just outside of town. I know it was the right move then but now it feels like I should have kept you as close to me as possible.”
“What was the last thing I said to you?” Katsuki asked himself, branching away from his previous train of thought.
He closed his eyes and remembered. They had been in the agency assigning tasks to sidekicks when they got the call of the rescue mission.
“Let’s head out,” Katsuki had said. Moments later, his phone had rang. Ashido had called him as back up for several villains surrounding a nearby theater.
“I’ve got this. I’ll even call Tsu. Take out tonight?” She asked with a hopeful smile. He stayed on that image of her in his mind for a minute before he remembered what he had done next. Right--Katsuki had laughed at her request.
“Sure,” he had replied.
“You pick. Surprise me!” Ochako ran to peck him on the cheek and waved as she hurried out of the agency.
“Just tell me what you want!” He had yelled back which had made Ochako shake her head. Katsuki hated it when she did that. He always felt like he was going to pick something she didn’t feel like eating.
Opening his eyes, he stared at Ochako’s face for a long time. Katsuki’s tears finally welled up and they slowly began dripping down his cheeks.
“What do you want, Ochako?” He asked softly. “If you want to go, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. Not right away. Even I’m not that good.”
Katsuki wiped his face and continued to stare at her. He got up and wiped her face as an excuse to hold her in his hands again.
“Don’t worry about me. I can handle this. You know I always tell the sidekicks that fear of failure is what makes us better. That’s not true. You made me better. That's why I can do this.”
Katsuki’s tears fell down and stained Ochako’s hospital gown. He didn't know if she could tell that he was sugar-coating things for her sake. If she really could hear him, she probably could. He continued stroking her cheeks with the back of his finger.
“Before you, I never thought anyone could love me. All of me. Even the bad sides. But--those are the sides that needed it the most. You weren’t afraid of a challenge.”
Katsuki leaned down and kissed his wife on each of her cheeks and then once on the lips.
“I don’t know if you’re afraid of dying. We never really talked about it. But if you are--I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I know you don’t need me to but, if you want, I’ll hold your hand all the way through. I promise. You know I don’t break those.”
Ochako took a deeper breath than she had previously and Katsuki was confident she could hear him. He ran his fingers through her hair and traced the outlines of her face.
“I love you so much. I hope you know that. I hope I did enough to show you that you’re the best person in the world. Every moment with you was--perfect. I wouldn’t change anything. So--don’t worry about any unfinished business or whatever. If you haunt me, I’ll exorcise you so you can finally rest. You deserve rest, Ochako. You're not giving up by letting go. You're just heading to the new adventure before me.”
Katsuki’s words hung in the air. He meant it. Ochako didn’t deserve to be in pain any more or to stay for Katsuki’s sake. He sat down and grabbed her hand again, squeezing it tightly.
“I won’t be long, Cheeks,” Katsuki’s voice caught at his nickname for her. “You won’t have to wait much to see me again. It’ll probably seem fast to you. I know I’m a blast to have around but I think you can hold out until I get there, right? I’ll see you soon. It’s only a matter of time.”
He kissed her hand, keeping his lips pressed against her palm for as long as he could hold it together. When he felt like his body was going to implode with emotion, he curled her fingers around his and propped his chin on their interlocked hands. Katsuki didn’t move from that position for over an hour. He didn’t speak. He could only sob as he held his wife’s hand. Katsuki knew it was the last time he’d be able to. He was going to make the most of it.
When the police arrived at the hospital to ask him questions about Ochako’s attack, he told them he wasn’t about to waste time with them. They could wait.
When the nurses came in to check on Ochako, they offered him food and water. He didn’t take anything.
When he felt his phone blow up with concerned texts, he didn’t answer them. He only checked to see if Eri was on her way but there was nothing from her.
When Ochako’s parents arrived, Katsuki got through a short conversation with them before they began their goodbyes. They sat next to him as they held onto some part of her. Ochako’s mom took her other hand and her father placed his hand on her arm.
When her breathing stopped, the medical staff ran in to help. One tried to pull Katsuki off her as they escorted Ochako's parents out.
“I promised I wouldn’t let her go alone!” Katsuki yelled. He extended his other palm at them, daring them to take him away from his wife.
One of the nurses nodded and instructed the others to do what they could with him there. Katsuki made eye contact with her and realized this was it.
“Right behind you,” Katsuki whispered into her hand. “I’ll hold you again soon.”
The medical staff continued to work on her for another minute before they called it. Ochako’s hand was limp in his and Katsuki kissed it a final time. Tears ran down his face at alarming speeds. He didn’t know he could cry this much.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Bakugou,” the nurse that had let him stay said to him. “I’m sorry.”
Katsuki nodded.
“We’ll keep her here until you’ve made arrangements. Take the night,” she said.
“Alright,” Katsuki muttered. His body didn’t know what to do with all this emotion. Did he leave? Did he keep crying? Did he fall to the floor in agony? Did he destroy the hospital?
Katsuki rubbed his eyes and tried to push through the numbness that was spreading throughout his heart and body. Apparently, his body’s reaction was to shut everything down. The medical staff wheeled Ochako’s body away and Katsuki stood in the room for what felt like ages. He needed to check on Ochako’s parents.
They were in a small room, sobbing into each other. He hesitantly entered and told them not to worry about anything. He’d take care of it.
“Thank you, son,” Ochako’s father managed to get out before he lost it again.
“Don’t you go anywhere,” Ochako’s mother told him. “You’re our family. Forever. Even if she’s not here.”
Katsuki nodded but he didn’t promise anything. He couldn’t see that far ahead right now.
He left them alone and walked to the lobby, feeling like a zombie shambling through the crowds. Katsuki called a few people to let them know what happened but was interrupted by the sight of a silver-haired woman running towards him at top speeds. Eri was in her thirties now and was a pro-hero specializing in healing. Every time he saw her he was reminded of how old he was getting.
“Bakugou! Where’s Uraraka? I figured it was an emergency since you never text me. I got here as soon as I could. I had to fly from--,” Eri rushed but Bakugou just stared at her as she continued to talk, hearing nothing she was saying. “Bakugou? Where is she?”
“It’s too late.”
Eri clutched her chest and tears fell from her eyes.
“I’m too late?” She asked frantically. “It was that bad?”
Katsuki nodded.
Before he knew it, Eri was hugging him tightly. Her horn pressed lightly into his chest. Part of him wished he could ask her to reverse him so he wouldn’t have to live with the knowledge that Ochako was dead. Katsuki had to sit with that for the rest of his life. His wife was no longer alive. She was gone. She wasn’t coming back. It didn’t feel real. How could it be? He had to be having a nightmare. This sort of shit happened to other people. It wasn’t supposed to happen to him.
“I’m so so sorry,” Eri cried into him. “I tried. I really did.”
“I know,” Katsuki mumbled.
Eri didn’t let him go for a long time. When he pulled away, Eri’s eyes were red and swollen.
“Don’t blame yourself,” he muttered. “I’m going home.”
“I’ll call Deku. The report on the attack just went live on the news. He's worried. Everyone is."
“It's over. There's nothing to worry about anymore. I supposed that's one of the perks; you don't worry about the dead."
Eri looked at him with concern. She was wiped her eyes and sniffled.
“Will you text me when you get home? Please. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m not okay. No text needed.”
Katsuki left without seeing her reaction. He didn't care.
He didn’t know how he got home but eventually he was unlocking his door. The smell of cinnamon filled his nose. He’d forgotten they’d made cinnamon rolls a couple days ago. Katsuki inhaled deeply, trying to conjure up the memory to remove the one of her in the hospital in his mind.
Katsuki threw his keys on the table next to the door and headed straight for the couch, not bothering to turn any of the lights on. He knew he couldn’t handle sleeping in their bed without her.
“Shit, I didn’t even think about that. I have trouble sleeping without you,” Katsuki said. Saying it out loud made it feel like she was still here or maybe on speakerphone and she just wasn’t responding.
Katsuki sat on the couch and got out his phone. He should probably tell everyone what happened, call the agency and let them know they weren’t coming in. As he was texting their friends, a voicemail notification popped up.
“I hate this phone. It always sends voicemail notifications hours after the call. I need to get a new one,” Katsuki said to himself. He might be going crazy. He pressed the notification and he stared at the name.
“Ochako?” he murmured and hurriedly played it.
“Hey, lovey.” Katsuki's heart stopped for a moment. It was her nickname for him. His arm was the lovey she needed to fall asleep. She called him that every night when they crawled into bed or when he was having a bad day. Katsuki rubbed the arm she often hugged absentmindedly. He listened to the rest of her words fervently. “Don’t worry, it’s not an emergency. I know I said surprise me with takeout but I thought I’d save you the suffering and just tell you what I want. I’ve been really craving some noodles. Maybe we can get ramen or soba? See I’m still indecisive, haha!”
Katsuki cried at the sound of her laughter.
“Anyway, I’m almost at the coordinates so I’ll talk to you at home. Text you when I’m finished. Can’t wait to eat some yummy food with you! Love you lots!”
The message stopped and Katsuki replayed the message a dozen more times.
“Love you lots!” Ochako said again and Katsuki stroked his phone.
“Love you too. I’ll get you some noodles tomorrow. It’s been a long day.”
Katsuki laid down on the couch and pressed play on the message again.
“Hey, lovey,” it began and Katsuki closed his eyes as he listened to her voice.
“Goodnight, Cheeks.”
“Can’t wait to eat some yummy food with you! Love you lots!”
“I can’t wait either. Save me a couple bites. I’ll be there before it gets cold.”
Katsuki tried to sleep. He hoped that when he woke up this would be the dream. He’d wake up and Ochako would be leaning over him with that kind smile she showed to everyone in need. She’d help him to bed and they’d hold each other. He’d tell her about his bad dream and she’d assure him it wasn’t real. That everything was okay. She was right there if he needed her. He could practically feel her arms around him.
He opened his eyes, almost expecting to see her laying on top of him and hugging his chest but only saw darkness.
“I thought I told you to rest, Cheeks. I’ll be okay eventually. You don’t need to check in.”
Katsuki wanted to hear a response but only heard silence. He sighed and played the message again.
“Hey, lovey.”