Chapter Text
deimos was bored out of his mind from staying home the entire day. he was injured, so 2b insisted for him to stay home and let hank and sanford kick ass, which lead to sanford teaming up with hank for the "first time" according to deimos. who's gonna tell him as soon as an agent busted a cap in his ass, sanford and hank teamed up?
he sat in middle of the kitchen floor, staring at the stove. "why are you so hot?" deimos asked, staring at the oven. the oven window showed the orange light on the inside, which was responsible for cooking his hot pockets. "i mean that literally. like, my mouth and hands are going to burn as soon as i touch that shit." deimos could've just waited until the food cools off, so it made no sense for him to complain about the stove, but nothing that was happening at that moment made sense anyways. i mean, he is talking to an inanimate object, which shows how lonely this fucker is. that isn't even past tense, he was lonely and still is, because he's too much of a pussy to confess his feelings to sanford.
deimos was getting bored talking to the samsung stove, if that's a thing, so he got up in search for his ipad. he found it under the coffee table by the couch, covered in split coffee, which was definitely 2b's. "god dammit," deimos muttered. bitches don't know how to keep their nasty ass coffee from spilling on others electronics. so he made a trip to the bathroom, to grab a cloth, but he then realized that he had to pee, so he got that out of the way before grabbing the cloth. yes, he did wash his hands, because it would be gross not to.
deimos then headed back to the ipad, which was never moved from under the coffee table for some reason, wiping the screen and then the whole ipad off, careful of the holes. great, now he can finally keep himself entertained while cooking his hot pockets. he was tired of walking, so he grabbed his ipad, and crawled back to the middle of the kitchen floor. deimos sat criss crossed in the middle, ipad case holding it up. where the fuck did the ipad case come from
unlocking the ipad with his fingerprint, he decided the first thing to do was go on youtube, of course. his recommendations were random as fuck, ranging to kids music, to some of the darkest, somewhat gory videos of people dying, as if live leak wasn't a thing. how did youtube even allow that shit? oh, there was also south park clips in his recommended, but that wasn't what he was looking for, actually, none of the stuff in his recommendations were what he was looking for. the search bar was lookin mighty fine at the moment... and into the search bar went the words of the song he wanted to hear the most during times like these. the song was the top search, luckily, so he didn't have to do any scrolling.
"en la radio hay un pollito!"
'el pollito pio' the sacred song. that song is such a banger bro. the chick on the screen danced as the song played, explaining that it was on the radio. why was it on the radio? nobody will ever know.
"en la radio hay un pollito," deimos sung along, nodding his head to the beat like girlfriend from hit game friday night funkin (REAL). "el pollito pio, el pollito pio, el pollito!" he smiled, forgetting about his hot pockets in the oven.
after a few more minutes, the song finally ends... as deimos sobbed over the chick getting ran over by a fucking tractor. the door of the oven fell off, onto the floor with a loud thud, alerting deimos. "oh yeah, my hot pockets," deimos said, thinking for a second. "oh shit, my hot pockets!" deimos scurried to his feet, caring more about the hot pockets he planned on eating rather than how the house's oven is broken, typical.
them things was black, addison raek deez nuts across your face and nikita dragun deez nuts across your face could never. "oh hell naw, these beyond edible what the fuck?!?!?!?!" deimos cursed under his breath, upset as fuck.
anyways, deimos sobbed once again, his hot pockets were burnt, and now he had nothing to eat, just great. he touched the burnt ass hot pocket, it didn't hurt because he literally has fire powers, he's like the reverse elsa. he turned his hand around to look at his finger, it looked like there was literal charcoal on it. he suddenly got an idea.
"i wanna summon the among us imposter xd!"
and since now he knew the hot pockets flake off and produce a sorta chalk like texture, he decided to make a demonic pentagon because why not. after he made it, he admired his work, though that's a weird thing to admire. he sat his ipad in the middle of the pentagon, searching for the among us music.
"ring ding ding ding ding ding ding ding... dinga ding. baam baam."
the music sounded slower and a lower pitch than usual, was it working???? deimos checked the video title, sighting. "ugh, it's among us theme, slowed and reverbed, i thought i had it down first try." he switched it to the right version, waiting patiently for something sus to happen.
a few seconds later, someone entered through the front door, it was...
"deimos?"
"sanford?"
the buff man stretched momentarily, yawning. "dei," he started. "it's three in the damn morning, wha- why the hell is there a summoning circle in the middle of the kitchen floor, and why is the oven door broken?" he questioned, pointing at the damage. "oh hey san!" deimos smiled at the buff guy, fangs poking out. 'wait shit that's cute, even though he's currently trying to summon satan or some shit...' sanford thought... with his gay ass... "i'm tryna summon the among us guy, wanna help?" deimos asked the other, putting him out of his thoughts. "uh, isn't that dangerous? y'know, summonin' demons and shit?" sanford asked, unsure of the situation he'll get himself into if he does, in fact, say yes. "first, it's not demons i'm summoning, it's the among us imposter. second, what we do for a living is also dangerous, i have literally died before from it, this can't be any different."
"you right, anyways what are we supposed to do?"
deimos gestured for sanford to sit on the floor next to him, so the buff, big tiddie male took off his shoes and left them lined up against the wall and then walked over to where deimos sat, sitting criss cross next to him, which didn't last for long because deimos decided that sanford would be his new chair and sat on him, which was essentially, sitting on sanford's lap.
"bro this is kinda gay..." sanford blushed uwu >_<. "it's not unless you make it gay!" deimos corrected, staring at the ipad screen, also b-b-b-;-;lushing... gay people REAL...
a few minutes went by, and there was no
GUYS HELP MY DISCORD ACCOUNTS GOT BANNED FOR SPAM AND BEING IN SERVERS THAT PARTICIPATED IN SPAM I WAS ASLEEP WHAT
anyways a few minutes passed by, and there was nothing happening. "deimos, this isn't gonna work, why don't we just go to sleep?" sanford looked down at the gay on his lap, who made himself comfortable by leaning back onto his big tits. "but i'm not tired, can we just give it a few more minutes?" sanford sighed and nodded. he couldn't really get up and go to bed at the moment anyways.
so a few more minutes went by, and as they were about to give up, the sound of a vent opening and a thud onto the floor alerted the two homosexuals. there was only one vent in the shared house, and it was in...
"the bathroom?" deimos sat up, getting off of sanford's lap. his eyes stared at the bathroom door, slight fear in them. sanford stood up next to him, grabbing for his hook. where the fuck did his hook even come from? "shall we go investigate?" sanford asked, grip on his hook tightened. "i mean yeah someone just broke into our house why wouldn't we?" sanford shoved deimos playfully at the sarcastic response.
to be continued because i wanna get this out.