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NO SURNAME. DON'T PERCEIVE ME [2 min]
Kit is walking down a street, vlogging a rant as he tries to balance his groceries with one hand.
"-and no one's ever like, oh maybe I'll just call you Kit, how about that? It's always 'would you rather be Herondale or Rook'. You know what, fuck that, I don't have to decide. I'm taking mom and dad's surnames too. Kit Herondale? Try Kit Carstairs. Kit Gray. How do you hyphen that?"
"Do I need to hyphen it? I'm just gonna alternate between surnames. Gray feels like a Thursday surname. Who's gonna stop me? The Pope? I can take him-"
Top comments
br0wh4t:
have you considered Kit Blackthorn
243 likes. Pinned comment
KitKatKut: i plead the fifth
Drus1: youre not even in America?
Ranking Your Reddit Theories About My Life (feat Ty)
Kit and Ty are side by side. Ty's headphones hang around his neck, and he's playing with his sharpie, easing its cap off and back on with one hand as the other holds the board.
"Today we're gonna rank your reddit theories as to what the fuck is going on in my life. Ty's nonverbal today, by the way, so he won't be speaking. Instead we both got whiteboards which we will use to grade your theories, and then rank each one on a scale according to that. We will give them points for being funny or accurate, or both, but I'm already telling you, guys, none of you got it right. I haven't seen the whole thread, but Ty's sister has, and she says you're all hilariously off. So this should be fun."
"We're starting off strong with…" Kit squints at his phone."scre4s' theory. According to them, 'Kit was probably involved with some real shady shit, which is the real reason why he left the country, he's under witness protection for snitching. We can see that in his comments about growing up in uncommon conditions and all the hints about his past.The whole gay angle is just a cover up to make sure no one figures it out.'" Kit blinks.
"I'm actually not even sure of how to answer that. First of all, what dumb piece of shit would go into witness protection and then start a Youtube channel? Also, how would me being bisexual stop my 'old buddies' from finding me? Are they homophobic? Do they just don't have wi fi?"
Ty tugs on his sleeve and holds up the board, which reads "You did get involved in some shady shit".
"Yeah, but I'm not a fucking snitch!"
COOL GUY SYNDROME I GUESS (14 sec)
Kit is sitting upside down on his bed, his eyes wide as he stares at the camera. His hair is messy and he looks as if he's had a revelation.
"So was anybody going to tell me that neurotypicals don't spend 97% of their time obsessing over whatever their brain has latched on", he starts, "or was I just supposed to go to therapy and get diagnosed with adhd myself?"
Ty reaches out from offscreen and pats Kit's shoulder in solidarity.
Top comments
Drus1:
Wow if only someone had foreseen this
12 likes. Pinned comment
KitKatKut: drusilla stop commenting on my videos. you have my number. just text me a "i told you so"
Trust No One Not Even Your Mom (1 min)
Tessa is the one holding the camera. She holds up a finger to her lips, as if telling the viewers to keep quiet, and smiles before she turns the camera.
Kit is standing on top of a wooden beam almost a full story from the ground. He looks comfortable there. Jem is standing on the floor below, leaning on the wall and supervising. Neither has noticed Tessa.
"Hey, dad! Dad, look at this!", Kit calls out.
As soon as Jem's attention is fully on Kit, the teenager backs up a few steps on the length of the beam, takes a running start and jumps. Tessa takes a breath and holds it.
Kit does a flip in mid-air.
He lands perfectly.
Tessa lets out her breath just as Kit turns, beaming like the sun, towards Jem. "Did you see it?!", Kit demands.
"I saw it! You did great!! I told you you would; you've worked really hard."
Jem rests a hand on Kit's shoulder, smiling with pride. Kit's smile grows impossibly brighter:
"Thank y-"
Kit spots Tessa.
She curses, almost amused at her own demise. He screams and runs at her full speed; the camera falls off as Kit tackles her.
Top comments
TyBlackthorn
I take it back. That was a very good fall.
56 likes. Pinned comment.
KitKatKut: !!!!!!!! <3<3<3<3
TyBlackthorn: <3
Book Club! ft. an expert (my baby sister)
Tessa and Kit are sitting on a couch, turned towards each other as they passionately debate. Mina is sitting between them with a colored book and a crayon.
"Mr. Bennett WAS just as bad a parent as his wife," Kit is going on, "because like, at least she was trying to make sure their daughters were supported after he died? She didn't go about it the right way, but he didn't even try? He just kind of threw his hands up and the Bennetts were INCREDIBLY lucky that both Elizabeth and Jane married well."
Tessa is nodding. "No, no, yeah, for sure, but what you also have to understand is that the way the daughters and Mr. Bennett talked to and about Mrs. Bennett was very classist, actually? She was actually acting perfectly within the bounds of etiquette, it was just the etiquette of the newly emergent class, not the nobles. What do you think?"
Mina reaches out and tugs on their sleeves. Both Tessa and Kit immediately stop to look at her as she proudly presents them with her drawing. In it, a feminine stick figure is stabbing a man. There is a lot of red.
"I drew Liz and Wickham!"
"I can see that", Tessa says. "Very well done, sweetheart."
Kit bends over and kisses the crown of Mina's head. "This is a masterpiece. I think it's another one for the Louvre, don't you?"
"No."
You Ask, I Avoid The Question - Third Round
"You've been getting more creative! There's been less and less comments saying I'm not gay, thank fucking God, I was this close to buying body glitter and that wouldn't have ended well for anyone."
"The first question we have today is by s4brin4suxks, and they ask 'can I steal your baby sister? She's really cute and I want her'. Excellent question! No, you can't. I WILL eat your femur. Don't fucking try me."
"Here we have s0n1cc4llme with just a banger of a question. This bitch says 'wait do you actually have adhd?'. And the answer is yes, actually, it turns out I do, and my sister in law won't stop calling me at 3 AM to make fun of me for clocking Ty as autistic but not noticing my own neurodivergence. Please send help. I haven't had a full night of sleep in months."
"Of course, how can we forget 4ssh0lel0ver, my archenemy, back at it with 'whats ur cringiest (offscreen) moment in hindsight?'. I appreciate the clarification that it has to be offscreen. I actually don't have that many cringe moments? Just because I've worked through most of them in therapy by now and nowadays I tend to think of them as a learning moment."
"That being said, even when you don't actually regret stuff, they can still be very embarrassing to remember. Being bisexual is all fun and games until you remember you once gave your current boyfriend's now dead twin sister her first kiss."
Top comments
heythereboys:
here we fucking go again.
kit boy, what the FUCK?
1k likes. Pinned comment.