Archive of Our Own ^beta

Atsumu woke up in cold sweat. He look around and gave a deep sigh. It's been months since he started dreaming, a dream about him, his twin brother Osamu, his best friend Suna and his captain Kita.

At first, he was quite disturb, it was a dream about confessing his feelings to Suna and being rejected. He assumed that he was just dreaming about the worst outcome if he confessed so he held up the confession.

The second one was that Osamu and Suna announcing that they are together. He woke up in shudder that morning. From then, he observed his twin and best friend. He saw the interactions that he hasn't noticed before. The way Osamu and Suna look at each other made him feel that they were made for each other.

The days passed by, the more he discover about the relationship between Osamu and Suna, the more his feelings for Suna fade. Then one day he even began to question himself, why did he like Suna in the first place, when did it start, can he imagine being with him knowing that his brother likes him too, what would happen to their friendship if he confess, would they be happy if they were together knowing that the other is liking somebody else worst his own Twin brother, after days of thinking and observing, Atsumu finally gave up and started thinking, Maybe I just like Suna as a friend

Not long after, once the new year passed, Suna and Osamu announced their relationship. He congratulated his brother and best friend with a huge smile on his face, no pretending, no fake smiles, he was purely in joy because his assumptions were correct, he even prayed that night, thanking the God for showing him those dreams, that he didn't destroy their relationships and it made everyone happy.

The third is quite a surprise. He saw himself confessing to their captain, his captain in his graduation attire and him confessing to him in utter mess, he even saw Kita in his dreams laugh at him then he accepted his confession.

That day, he woke up in a start. He look at the calendar,  though he knew what the date was, it was still two months before graduation. After that dream he started observing around him. He even had everyone look at him weirdly, he asked Suna and Osamu about it and they said that it was because he was being quiet and they were weirded by his staring.

When he was asked what was wrong for him to act like that for months, he just shrugged and said that he was preparing to be the best captain he can be. The two laughed at him saying that he'll be fine as long as he start being a good guy and stop acting that only he was above them all. He retorted their words outside but inside he was contemplating, he liked his team, he got along with them as long as they don't mess up his sets, but he doesn't like interacting with others, well majority of them, only a few can be considered his friend, like Suna, Aran, Kita, Omimi, Akagi, Ginjima, Kosaku and Riseki, well he also fight a lot with them but he consider them as his friends.

During his observations, he noticed that many liked Kita, first years, second years, even Aran may like him he thought. The way others like to help Kita around, them asking advice, or even taking any opportunity to talk to him during practice.

He questioned himself about it too. It's true that he admire his Captain, though he was not in every game, once he's in, the whole atmosphere in the team changes, he admire his captain's aura and how he lead his team.

He began thinking, how much did he know about Kita, his birthday that he didn't even know, his favorite color or food, little things and the major things like how his family situations were like, if he even have siblings. He thought a lot. He even started asking around, he thought that I'd he include others in asking information he'll be spared from being asked weird questions.

He failed obviously, his brother look at him suspiciously, his best friend giving him amused smiles, Kita have him confused but understanding look, others in the team started acting weird about his behavior.

After that, he didn't asked questions anymore, but after that, he began noticing that there were changes in the team. Other members didn't avoid him anymore, though they still keep some distance.

His brother asked him again and again irritating him, he asked why he keep acting weird and why he keep on doing those 'observations', annoyed, he yelled and said that he wanted to at least be a good captain that knows his team as he was aware that he doesn't get along with most of the team members and that they hated him, after saying that he said that he doesn't want to lead the team to destruction as he wanted Kita to be proud of their team even after he and other third years graduate just like how he promised him when they lost in nationals.

When the words he just said sink in his brain he slowly look around and realized that all of the Inarizaki volleyball members were looking at him shocked. Red in embarrassment and anger, Atsumu left the gym leaving his teammates dumbfounded by his words. Atsumu — having to deal with his dreams, the fact that there were no more than ten that he got along with in their team, the fact that most of his teammates either avoid him or scared of him and the fact that it was only three weeks until graduation — felt frustrated and annoyed, he wanted to end all what's in his mind and after being constantly questioned by his twin, he let out his real thoughts and he was even heard by all his teammates.

After that, he even hesitated to enter the gym but his desire to play volleyball won, he entered the gym not looking at anyone in particular and practiced his setting by himself in a corner of the gym. Later on, he noticed a first year approached him, he stopped his hands and held the ball as he faced the first year, he doesn't even know what his name was.

"What?" he asked, he didn't want to deal with another question so that maybe come a bit cold and harsh

"Ahh...umm... I... Atsumu-senpai-" furrowing his brows at the title he grimaced

"Don't call me Senpai" he said immediately cutting his words

"Uhh, oh, okay... then ... Atsumu-san" he tried and he gave a nod, he hates being called a senpai when he was only a year older than the said first year

"Can... Can you... teach me... how to... set properly? I... Uhh... I'm actually new to volleyball... And I admire your setting... I... I wanted to learn...how to set..." his voice is full of hesitation and he even stuttered a lot, his words broken and he even looks a bit afraid

Not wanting to frighten the first year, Atsumu sigh and gave a nod. That nod made the first year look at him in shock and then he gave a bright smile.

Not handling the uncommon admiration of a teammate directed to him, he immediately gave almost all he knew about how to set, how to practice, the posture, the timing, and everything he can teach the first year.

Unknown to him, everyone in the gym, stared at the two who's in deep conversation, in shock and dumbfounded expressions.

Suna even tap his boyfriend's arms, Osamu, and asked quietly, Is your twin sick?

Osamu gave Suna an 'I don't know' look then began practicing. Later that day, the first year who asked Atsumu brought another first year who's asking if Atsumu can teach him his serve. Everyone assumed that Atsumu will refused and yesterday was an odd day, but to everyone's surprise, Atsumu gave the two of them proper and good advice, he even said to pay attention when he set or serve to know the proper way to do it.

Those incidents led to a better atmosphere in the team, there's no more avoidance, Atsumu even rarely hear mockings or whispers about him, his twin and Suna even asked him if he's dying as he's being nice.

Atsumu in rage glared at his brother, when his twin asked that, Atsumu dreamed about his death the night before, him crying in his room, him bringing out a bride from his school supplies, and him cutting his wrists after taking many drugs. He woke up in cold sweat that day, his body frozen and him in shock. Frustrated and angry because he has no idea why would he even commit suicide.

In response to Osamu, Atsumu yelled at his brother saying that he may be an asset but he takes volleyball seriously, when one wants to learn he can teach them if he can, why won't he do so when it's his teammate and it's for the good future of the team.

Atsumu then left his twin to practice, mouth hanging in open, shock at the revelation and started murmuring. Maybe 'Tsumu was replaced by an angel

Suna snickers beside him and said Then, when would the angel come to you?

The two of them argue but to everyone in the gym they just look like flirting.

Then, graduation finally came. Before the said day, Atsumu dreamed about Kita, he and Kita broke up, that's it, they broke up, nothing else. He was confused, he even started taking notes about it, making a theory that those dreams that he's having for the past few months were connected to each other.

After the graduation, Atsumu met Kita, he didn't confessed, but Atsumu instead promised to take care of the team. Kita have him a smile and said that he knows and he saw that he gave an effort while he was there to observe for the last few weeks. Atsumu smiled at him then they both joined the team for celebration.

A few weeks after that, Atsumu sat up in his bed in the middle of the night. He dreamed about Suna, in his dream, he was on his way home then he saw Suna running out of their house, tears flowing out of his eyes as they collide. He immediately brought Suna to his house and comforted his crying best friend. He asked and asked and asked but Suna wouldn't answer, so he just stayed by his side. After Suna fell asleep, he bid goodbye to Suna's parents and went home. He confronted Osamu, asking why his bestfriend is crying after coming out of their house. Osamu gave him a blank stare and didn't answer any question he asked.

After that, Atsumu woke up, his phone saying that it was 3:12 in the morning, he run his fingers to his hair and sigh. He decided to ask Suna about his relationship with Osamu

At lunch, when Osamu stood up and went to the bathroom, Atsumu asked Suna.

"Hey Sunarin" he started

Still munching on his food, Suna gave him a glanced, his eyes asking 'what?'

"Are ya... This gotta be a weird question... but don't ask... just answer ok?" he set his food in the table, his expression serious as he stared at his friend

"Ok? What is it?" Suna said after swallowing his food, he also set his food down as he thought that it will be a serious conversation based on Atsumu's expression.

"Are ya and 'Samu good?" finally asking that question, Atsumu let out a deep breath

"Hmmn. Yeah. We're good, something wrong?" Suna asked, he was quite worried as Atsumu kept on looking at him and Osamu throughout the whole morning.

"No... It's nothin'...just dreamed somethin' ridiculous, don't mind" he said then look away from the inquiring eyes of his friend.

"Hmmn... Is this dream about... me?" he asked while still staring, Atsumu was about to respond when Suna's next words shocked him

"Like me crying? Or somewhere along the line" Suna said as if he just didn't reveal that they had the same dream.

"Ya dreamed 'bout that too??" Confused as he asked, Atsumu stared at Suna's piercing eyes

"Yep" Popping the p, Suna gave a shrug then continued eating

"Did ya have other dreams?" Atsumu carefully asked in a small voice

"Nope. Just that. Maybe, something like breaking up but nope, not gonna happen, how about yours?" while saying those words, Atsumu stared at Suna as he nonchalantly utter the words that confused Atsumu

"...Nah, nothin' else, just got worried that ya had a problem with 'Sumu" Atsumu said then changed the subject, Suna gave him a look that he knows there's more to it but he just let Atsumu control the conversation and let it rest in the back of his mind.

After that, however, Atsumu woke up in the middle of the night, exactly 12 am as he look at his phone, he barely manage to sleep for two and a half hours before waking up.

This dream is quite confusing, in that dream, Atsumu kept avoiding Osamu, he kept ignoring his twin and even pretended that he can't see or hear him. Suna in that dream gave him a pained look, he kept on saying about break up, he kept on saying that he shouldn't hurt himself more, that he should end it all. Then there's the conversation about how Suna and Osamu broke up for his own good, that Suna broke up with his brother because he should care about his own, that he should do the same. There's also the conversation in some cafe or some place that he can't remember, there Suna kept on asking him, then he admitted that he cuts, he cut his thighs and Suna knew about it.

After that, the dream was cut off, he was confused, thoroughly confused about this whole ordeal. After waking up, Atsumu sat up from his bed, he looks at his thighs, there's no wound, there's no scar, there's no bleeding. He then stood up from his bed, picking up a notebook under his bed, the black notebook's use is to vent about his life or his twin or whatever but he just decided to use it to figure out his dreams. It's where he records all the events in those dreams.

He reads through the notes and he started fixing the timeline.

1. Confessed to Suna, got rejected
2. After new year, Suna and 'Samu got together
3. Confessed to Kita, Kita accepted
4. Suna ran away crying, comforted Suna
5. Suna broke up with 'Samu
6.I avoided 'Samu, My relationship with Kita isn't good, Suna and Osamu too, I cut my thigh, self-harm
7. Kita broke up with me
8. I committed suicide

Looking at the timeline, he still couldn't figure it out. It looks like their relationships in the dream is messed up, Suna and Osamu broke up, Suna wants him to do it too, Kita then broke up with him, he even committed suicide.

There's no reason... No explanation why, why did that happen what led to those events.

Atsumu that night didn't manage to sleep. When the clock's hands turn to 6 in the morning he let out a groan. He stood up from his bed, then started making breakfast. His twin got into the kitchen not long after he did and gave him a confused and surprised look.

He asked why he was early and Atsumu just responded that he just didn't sleep well and woke up from a nightmare. It's quite obvious that he didn't want to talk about it so Osamu didn't question him further and stayed quiet.

Atsumu kept a cold face throughout the day, all of his friends and his kouhais kept a distance from him. It's obvious that he wasn't up to any conversation.

Their coach talking about the tournament for that year. The advices, the needs to improve or adjust, the plans or strategy and then Atsumu gave up his thoughts about the whole 'Dream World' events. Focusing in their coach's words he even gave out some pointers and comments about other teams that they must watch out for. Karasuno included as they start forming plans.

Weeks later, there were no more dreams, the nationals starting in a week, they had their ticket to nationals once again. He was quite excited but five days before national, he dreamed about something infuriating, he was furious and mad but he didn't know what to do, what's he supposed to do when all he was mad about is in his dreams?

In that dream, he saw Kita and Osamu kissing, if he and Kita were in a relationship and Osamu with Suna, they were considered cheating. He then saw Suna crying to him as he broke up with Osamu, he even wants him to do the same, but he kept the relationship, but to no avail, the bond they had were starting to break, a single thread seems to hold it and Atsumu in that dream didn't cut it or let go instead he kept on holding on. Until he witness in that dream, his 'boyfriend' Kita and twin in Osamu's bedroom, naked and doing something so wrong.

After waking up, he gave a sigh, a frustrated and angry sigh. Running his hands on his hair, he gripped it as if he wants to rip it out. He was utterly confused about the ridiculous dreams he's having. Those even don't make sense anymore, he didn't date Kita, he didn't confess to Suna, what's more in this dream that he wouldn't be free of?

Looking at his notebook he crossed out the timeline and made a new one.

- Confessed to Suna, got rejected
- After new year, Suna and 'Samu got together
- Confessed to Kita, Kita accepted
- Suna found out Osamu and Kita cheating
- Suna ran away crying, comforted Suna
- I knew the cheating 'event'
- Suna broke up with 'Samu
- Witness Kita and 'Samu fucking
- I avoided 'Samu, Kita isn't good, Suna confronts me because I cut my thigh, self-harming, health decline, 'Samu didn't noticed
- Kita broke up with me
- I committed suicide

Looking at those, Atsunu sigh, he feels like there's more to it, he just wouldn't break that much, that was too early if he's asked, he wouldn't commit suicide after one failed relationship... What led to my death?

Looking at the calendar, he gave out another sigh and pushed all of it to the back of his mind. He has a tournament to focused on, he can't afford to focus on something else, much more something so unclear and unreal

In the tournament, Karasuno once again faced their team. It was a closed match, but they managed to win the game. The next match is tomorrow, with Itachiyama as their opponent.

Atsumu, in their hotel, is walking down a hall, he wants to go out and breath some air. He dreamed again. It was a short one, he felt the pain in that dream, the full event in the break up, then Kita and Osamu announced their relationship, then Suna and he began spending time with each other and those events were played like a movie, though he felt painful just from watching it, he can't imagine being the same person as that Atsumu.

"Miya" that name got him to stop, he remembered that Itachiyama is in the same hotel as them. He looked at his back and then faced Sakusa Kiyoomi. Top ace, spiker, one of his volleyball teammate when they trained in their second year which was last year.

"What? What brought ya here Omi-omi?" He smirked 

He thought that Sakusa was going to give an annoyed response but he just stared at him like he was studying him.

"You're in good health" he said that made him confused, he look at him eyes asking what he mean

"Are you dating someone?" He asked

"Uh... No?" He said then look at Sakusa in confusion, Sakusa is looking at him confused too, his eyebrows furrowing deeply, unable to hide in the mask.

"You're supposed to be dating... Suna Rintarou if I'm right... It's around this time... But he look different... He didn't lose weight, no eyebags either... Should I check more? Why am i even doing these?"

Sakusa is mumbles the rest of his words, Atsumu however didn't manage to understand his words, why would he date Suna? He's dating his twin- then a ridiculous thought appeared in his mind. Was it possible that Sakusa was also dreaming?

"Hey Sakusa, answer this" Sakusa on the other side of the hall look at him with the use of his name and not nickname

"When did I die?" with that question, Sakusa gave him a look, understanding but confused, he look at him like he was analyzing him then when something flicker in his eyes, he seems to come to a realization.

"After... You and Suna Rintarou... broke up" Sakusa said, hesitant, but his words clear

"Haah – giving a sigh, Atsumu ruffles his hair in annoyance – seems that there's more in those dreams as I thought, Omi, I don't have dreams 'bout Suna and I dating yet, the last I dreamed was about my break up with Kita, with Kita and 'Samu announcing their relationship" Atsumu cleared the story to Sakusa who nods in understanding.

"Hey, do ya also have a part in this? Sunarin, I mean Suna, also had dreams, not as much as me though, but ya don't even appear in my dreams, why do ya know this?" Atsumu asked in frustration

"I don't know. I don't know the full story. In this tournament, in our game tomorrow, we were supposed to meet for the first time in this year. In that dream, you're in a bad state, you lost weight, had eyebags, your setting were on point but you didn't last in the court because you passed out in the middle of the game. From the rumours, you were dating Suna Rintarou, but it seems that there's some kind of fight or whatever that was and you're avoiding each other. Then after a few months when the tournament ended, the news that you commited suicide were widely circulated in different volleyball teams. I don't know the reason, I don't have a part in this, I don't even know why I keep dreaming about it" the longest that Sakusa spoke as much as Atsumu knows shocked him. He didn't expect Sakusa to be gave a detailed explanation, he must be frustrated too.

Giving another sigh, Atsumu approached him. Keeping a safe two meters away from him, he spoke

"Give me yer number Omi, I'll text you if ya want to know what on the world 's going on in that dream, only if ya want, we still have a game tomorrow, we can't deal with this now, we have to focus on the game"

Becoming tired of this drama, Atsumu wants to sleep and rest. It was true, they had a game tomorrow and that's needed to be prioritized instead of the dreams.

Sakusa gave him a stare, holding his phone, Atsumu ready to get his number, he stared back, when Atsumu was about to close the phone Sakusa sigh and gave him his number, he knew that he wants to know what on earth happened.

After that exchange, the two parted their ways. The game later end up in a loss in their end, they may be a bit sad but they fought in semi-finals so it was not that much of a loss.

Atsumu gave a knowing look at Sakusa and the latter gave him a nod. Both teams noticed the interaction but didn't comment on it.

Alright then, I'll send you the newest timeline of events that occurred in my dreams.

Make sure to make it detailed but as short as possible. Just so it will be much more understandable.

Fine. Wait for a few minutes.

Do it. I'll wait.

...

- I confessed to Suna but got rejected, happened last year nearing the new year

- After new year, Suna and 'Samu got together, they liked each other

- I confessed to Kita after their graduation and Kita accepted, we date each other

- Suna found out Osamu and Kita cheating behind our back

- Suna ran away from our house crying, I ran into him while on the way back home, I comforted Suna and asked what's wrong but he wouldn't say anything

- I knew the cheating 'event', I saw Kita and 'Samu kissing, ran away after seeing it too, Suna comforted me.

- Suna broke up with 'Samu, he can't stand it after a month, Kita and Samu kept seeing each other behind our back. He said that I should break up with Kita too. I didn't.

- Witness Kita and 'Samu fucking, I ran away again, Suna comforted me again, I seem to snap but can't let go

- I avoided 'Samu, Kita isn't good too, he wanted to break up with me but I'm not ready, Suna confronts me because I cut my thigh, self-harming, health decline, 'Samu didn't noticed, I don't know why I did that, maybe I just loved him too much

- Kita broke up with me then I broke, Suna was there all the time.

- Samu and Kita announced their relationship

- Suna and I date each other

- Suna broke up with me

- I committed suicide

So, that's it basically, the underlined were based on your dreams. So? Familiar story line?

I'm quiet speechless about you being too... I don't have a word to express it. But Miya, are you stupid?

Huh?! Of course not!

Then, why keep a toxic relationship? You love others too much, you don't leave enough for yourself, see where it ends? You die, that's it. You're stupid.

Hey! That's mean Omi!

True though? You didn't deny it.

...

So? What are you going to do?

I don't know.

What do you mean by that?

I didn't follow whatever the dream me did.

You mean...

I didn't confess to Sunarin, I didn't confess to Kita, I didn't date anyone, Suna is dating Samu, Kita is dating Aran now, what do I do? There's nothing to do.

What the fuck?

Yeah yeah, already changed my fate, you're worried aren't you Omi? ;)

No! I'm just disturbed to know that you're dying. That's all.

How sweet, Omi-omi caring for me :)))

Enough Miya, I'm going tomorrow rest. Goodnight.

Goodnight omi! Sleep well!

After the conversation, Atsumu smirked then he laugh.

Later that night, Atsumu dreamed about the reason behind the break up, the love, hatred and loneliness he felt in the dream almost broke him. Osamu is his twin, his other half, he would give up almost anything for his brother because he love him, though he wouldn't admit it in his face. In that dream, he became a spectator after he 'died' , he witnessed how his friends and even his parents blamed his twin about his death, he was even quite surprised that Sakusa Kiyoomi attended his funeral. He saw how Osamu struggled in handling his death, saw how guilty and lost Suna has become, the look of guilt and regret in Kita's face and many more.

He then saw his twin opening his room, he was supposed to clean up but found a notebook, that was the one he was using to record the events happening in the dreams, but in that dream, Atsumu used it to vent just like he originally plan to. 

He watched as Osamu read it aloud, how he commented how wrong he is and how guilty and sorry he is, how he mutter the countless apologies and how deep his regret was. 

In that dream, he thought that he understood his twin brother a lot. They were always by each other's side, have each other's back, but they also lied to each other. 

He saw that those lies led them to nowhere but pain and sadness, worst it even led to his death. 

After waking up from that, he began changing his relationship with his twin. Little by little, not allowing his twin to catch anything, he began being honest about his own thoughts, he even occasionally brought up memories from their childhood. 

Their relationship come to better side, they become more inseparable. Though he still hate the fact that his brother is leaving the volleyball world, he understands.

Thanking whatever gods that gave him those 'dreams' he began even smiling a lot. Talking to Sakusa also helped him a lot. He likes the guy's uncomfortable words, how he responds to his words even how he reacts and how he stayed by his side without the need to. 

Maybe I'm not fated to be with either Suna or Kita, should I try someone else? Preferably... Someone like... Omi?

With that thought he gave one last laugh. After that night he didn't dream, neither did he dream with the following months. Year after year, he didn't dream anymore.

He and Sakusa kept in contact after that, though they did not meet each other due to distance and busy schedule they contacted each other through text or sometimes calls. 

It was when a new try out were going on, in his team, that he met with his Omi-omi, after waiting for four years, in that he smiled and gave him a wave which in turn got ignored

He just smiled and thought

I'm gonna win ya Omi