Chapter Text
The reason I wanted to die, was that the seagulls were squawking down by the wharf. As I walked along the sea shore, I saw the seagulls floating off at the mercy of the sea waves. They flailed, squawked, struggled and at the end, were swept away by the waves deep inside the sea. I got jealous as I watched those bird’s fragile life being taken away by the sea. If I stood in the sea long enough, will it take away my pain, my past that I already survived from, my present which I don’t want to live in and my future that I don’t want to see? Thousands of questions crossed my mind as I finally said goodbye to the sea where I couldn’t see those dying birds any longer and headed towards a place, I wished I never had to go.
School.
Never in my 16 years of life did I ever like this place. From elementary school to middle school and now in high school, I have spent all those years alone in this place and I plan to do so in the future as well.
“Hey... Isn’t that the kid from a wealthy family”?
“That red haired feeble looking first year? yeah I heard they are filthy rich”
“What’s a rich kid like that doing at a place like this”
“He doesn’t even talk to anyone in his class. Maybe he thinks it's no use talking to peasants like us”
“Tch- arrogant bastard shouldn’t he just transfer to a school rich kids go to?”
The same old gossips I have been hearing since the day I transferred here. It's nothing new to me. Everywhere I went it was the same gossip but different mouths that it came out of. I have gotten so used to it that it makes me laugh every time I hear these teenagers with nothing better to do, talk like they are the victim of this world. I guess it is that age where you direct your frustration and your own failure onto others.
Thump
I fell down when I bumped into a wall
‘Wait isn’t it too soft to be a wall’
“Hey look what we have here. Are you alright little young master? You were so small I didn’t even see you” I raised my head towards the direction of that husky voice
‘Ugh just my luck’
Before I could even get up, the person who I bumped into grabbed me tightly by my arm and pulled me up as hard as he could.
“ouch” it really hurt
“Aww is the little princess hurt again”
“Pfft-” the other boys that were behind him, then laughed.
‘Adin, this guy was a third year known for bullying other students especially juniors. He frequently changed his targets. I guess this time, the unlucky first year transfer student has become his target’
“Hey why don’t you speak. Are we really not worth talking to huh, young master? Hmm what was your name again”
“Ca..le”
“Hah? Can't hear you, young master SPEAK LOUDLY”, he screamed at my face which even made the students peeking out of their classroom flinch
“Cale Henituse” I said, loudly this time. Hoping they would just leave but that wasn’t gonna happen any time soon.
“Well then...”
Ding ding
“Tch- saved by the bell” Adin clicked his tongue and let go of my arms.
“I will see you again, Cale Henituse”, Adin added as he and his minion turned back and went to their own classes.
“Yup another hell awaits” I signed as I also dragged myself to the classroom I did not want to go to.
The only thing I like about this classroom was my seat that was near the window. Looking out the window all day, packing my stuff and leaving to go the house I never truly wished to return to as soon as the bell rang. That was my daily life.
There really wasn’t anything I looked forward to at home. Home. That place I lived in ever since I was born, when was the last time it really felt like home? I wonder.
First period, second period, third period, one subject after another started and ended. Honestly, I don’t even remember what the teacher said or what his face even looked like. As soon as the bell for lunch break rang, I dashed out of the classroom. I felt like someone was calling for me but I just brushed it off.
One step, two step...
With a ‘click’ sound, I opened the roof door. As soon as I opened the door, a warm breeze welcomed me.
“Ah this is nice” I walked towards the edge of the roof where the wind was a little stronger and looked down.
“It would probably be painful if I jumped from here won’t it”
The arm that was grabbed by a man twice my size, still hurt.
‘Ah I want to die’
There are many reasons I wanted to die. Every day I find myself a new reason to want to end this miserable life of mine. But then again, I am too much of a coward to do so that’s why I am writing all of it down.
The reasons I wanted to die today, right now, was the sun that felt so warm to me even though the summer is at its peak. In this empty roof top, all I could hear was cicadas buzzing sound. It felt like music to my ears as I laid down. When I turned my head to the side, I saw a dead cicada that was fallen on the ground. As I picked up the now dead bug, I wondered If I, too, could join all the dead bugs and return to earth.
“I wish I could die as easily as you” I put the cicada in one corner of the roof because I couldn’t find a place to bury to it.
Before I realized it, I had dozed off and missed a period.
‘Well, it's already too late. I should go in for next class ’
I saw the teacher come out of the classroom when I came down from the roof. I successfully avoided the teacher when I entered the classroom. I went straight to my seat without looking anywhere else.
As I was looking out of the window in daze, I heard my name being called out. It was a feminine voice that I somehow recognized.
‘Ah this girl, the class representative, Rosalyn. I knew her name because she was the one who showed me around the school on my first day.’ Even though I told her I was fine, she insisted because she said it was her duty as a class representative.
‘Haven’t talked to her since then, I wonder what she needs’
“Cale henituse?”
“Ye... Yes?” I was startled when she snaped her fingers in front of me.
“You have been selected to be a committee member for the school fest this year”
“I … WHAT?”
what this girl in front of me had just said shook me to the core.
“It was decided by voting” she gave me a firm response
“But I never signed up for this”
“You were not present in the class and nobody wanted to do it so everyone put your name in, since you looked like someone who would have a lot of free time.”
“No. I can’t. Can you please remove my name from the list?” I pleaded her. I really did not want to do this
“I can’t do that. It's already been submitted to the student council. So, if you want to make any changes, you have to talk to the student council president.” Rosalyn turned back and walked to her seat after handing me the paper that had the committee members name on it.
‘haaa really now’
I guess here’s a new reason why I want to die. I signed internally while impatiently waiting the classes to finish so I could rush down the student council room.
I ran out as fast as I could when the bell that marked the end of the school rang.
‘I need to hurry’
Running down the hall, I suddenly came to a stop when I felt someone grab the collar of my shirt and pull me back
“Hey didn’t the young master hear me calling. Or are you so busy that you couldn’t even bother to hear a lowly peasant calling you?”
‘Adin? Ugh I don’t have time for this’
“Maybe the young master has piano lessons to go to” one of Adin’s minions snickered
I flailed around but of course it was no use struggling like that. That guy was twice my size and was lifting me up like I was a bird’s feather.
While he walked out carrying me by the collar, I still futilely struggled until I was finally thrown down in a place where there weren’t many people.
‘ouch’ I hit my body on a wall.
“Young master Cale, help us out a little here. We are in need of a little donation, so if you could spare us some. It would really help poor people like us” Adin curled up his lips and looked down at me, who was still struggling to get up
“I don’t have any” I said as I finally managed to get up but was kicked down again
‘ugh’ I let out a painful groan
“Don’t lie to us”
“I... Ugh... I am not lying” I was having troubling getting my voice out.
“Yeah right” Adin laughed and the three of them kicked me down again. After searching through my bag and wallet. He clicked his tongue and threw all my stuff again.
“Tch- fucking bastard” Adin stomped angrily and turned back after cursing some more
‘I told you there is nothing’ I collected my stuff that was spread on the ground and ran towards the student council again while still being a mess. It took all the strength I had in me just to reach the student council room.
I huffed and took heavy breaths as I stood in front of the council room.
Haaaa I exhaled and reached out my hands to open the door when I suddenly stopped as I heard a voice calling out
“Do you need something?”
I turned towards the source of that voice and saw a fairly tall guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. It was as if he came straight out of a fairy tale.
‘He sure lives up to his name’
Alberu Crossman, a third year and the student council president. I hadn’t met him before but I have heard many rumors about there being a perfect prince like senior.
“Yes sunbae, I ... I am a first year from class 1-B. There seem to have been a mistake so would like to remove my name from the committee list”
“But the list has already been finalized and before that are you okay? What happened to you?”
“I ... I am alright. Please just remove my name from the list”
“No, you are not alright. Come with me” Alberu grabbed my wrist and dragged me away from the student council room
“No, I really am alright, please just remove my name from the committee and I will be on my way” Alberu really didn’t listen to me and we only stopped when we reached the nurse’s office
“Excuse us” Alberu said as we entered the infirmary
Alberu looked around for a while
“Looks like the nurse isn’t here” Alberu, then seated me on the chair and reached out to take the disinfectant out of the cupboard
“This looks pretty bad. How did it happen?” Alberu applied the disinfectant on my wounds and applied a patch
“Ouch” it really stung where he applied the liquid.
“It's none of your business. Please just listen to my request”
“No matter how you look at it, it’s physical violence”.
‘ Haaa this guy really doesn’t listen to others, does he'
“Sunbae its fine. I ... I am used to it so please stop” I said as I pulled my hand back
“But...”
“Please”
He looked at me with a sympathetic look on his face
‘Please don’t look at me like that. I really hate that look’
“Just remove my name and you and I will have nothing to do with each other. We can mind our own business”, I said and got up, ready to leave
“No”
“What?”
Alberu took my hands and looked at me with an expression I couldn’t make out
“No- I don’t want to”
I tried to get his hands off of me but I couldn’t. His grip just tightened,
“No, I won’t be removing your name from the list. Stay in the committee and work with us. How about it? Let’s work together?”
“I can’t just leave you alone after I have seen you like this.” he added in a small voice.
I couldn’t understand what you were saying, I just stood there as you tried to force yourself into my life. I should have shaken your hand off and ran out of that infirmary. How would I have known that you would become one of the reasons I wanted to die.