Archive of Our Own

Now, however, all she wanted to do was curl up and watch the final series of her favourite show; something she'd been putting off in favour of focusing on the intense training and match schedule she'd been working on since it was released. The show was, admittedly, a bit shit and had plummeted in ratings after the death of the male eye candy (some bland straight white boy Toni had no time for) but Toni didn't care about that. No, she watched it for the blonde bombshell Shelby Goodkind, her new favourite actress.

Toni had come across Shelby while scrolling through TikTok last year and wondered what this ridiculously hot but painfully straight girl was doing on her for you page. That day she had learned very definitively to never judge a book by its cover again. Several hours into stalking every form of social media Shelby had, Toni realised her judgement had been well and truly off the mark, and that her gaydar was very much not doing its job.

Shelby Goodkind, Toni had discovered, contained multitudes. She was a breakthrough actress and had landed her first role in a low budget comedy-horror series that had been set to flunk until the surprise introduction of Shelby's very lesbian character. An interview Toni had found on YouTube revealed that the character had been closely based on the bubbly and proudly queer actress herself; but she had seemingly come a long way to get to that point. According to a speech she had made at an LGBTQ+ charity event she had grown up with an extremely homophobic father who ran conversion therapy sessions in his own living room. Somehow, through her love of acting and her escape from Texas and her father's clutches, Shelby had managed to grow into her identity as a lesbian. Toni really didn't know how she'd done it, it had been hard enough for her to be out and proud despite having very loose family connections and looking every part the raging lesbian she was.

So yeah, it was safe to say Toni's opinion of Shelby Goodkind had done a full 180. Her social media was frequently checked (even though she had post notifications on, it wasn't Toni's fault they were never accurate) and after just a few weeks Toni was pretty sure she'd seen every public photo and video of her in existence. She'd even taken to commenting on every new picture she posted with the hope that by some miracle her crush would notice her, something that became much more likely when she received her blue tick just before the Olympics.

Toni smiled as she checked her phone for the first time since her win; amongst the thousands of congratulatory notifications she found one from Shelby's account saying she had gone live, clearly watching her show would have to wait. Shelby's smiling face filled her phone screen along with hundreds of messages popping up below her. Still riding the high from her win, Toni typed a message and quickly press sent before she could have time to regret it, not that Shelby was likely to see it of course.

hey gorgeous, just won an olympic gold and figured i'd shoot my shot since its clearly my lucky day <3

Just as the message went through Toni's phone began to vibrate and Martha's picture took Shelby's face on her home screen. The live would also have to wait, there was nothing she wanted more than to share her joy with her best friend and sister.

***

Several hours after she'd fallen asleep still on the phone to Martha, Toni awoke to another stream of congratulatory notifications on her phone. Once again one name stood out when she scrolled through her Instagram DMs: Shelby Goodkind.

After three double takes, a very uncharacteristic excited squeal and a few deep breaths, Toni opened the chat.

Gorgeous? Have you seen yourself?

Oh god, I'm sorry that was not nearly as smooth as I hoped.

BTW I am totally fangirling right now, an actual Olympian tried to hit on me XD

A giggle that Toni would never ever admit to, escaped her lips as she re-read the messages. Of course perfect Shelby Goodkind used proper grammar in her texts, she really shouldn't be surprised.

i refuse to believe you're fangirling over me lol, i'm just a lowly basketball player

you however have a cult gay following

and at least 200k more followers than me, js

Never in her wildest dreams had Toni imagined anyone sliding into her DMs, let alone her celebrity crush who could take her pick from literally any girl she wanted.

Not for long Golden Girl!

Next week you'll be the nation's favourite lesbian, trust me.

yeah right

also, golden girl?

Cute nickname for a cute girl ;)

wow goodkind, that flirt game is strong

how do you know I'm cute, been stalking me

Oh of course I have. Needed something to do while I waited for a reply didn't I?

wow rude, i was sleeping if you must know

dreaming of you ofc ;)

Now who's the flirt huh?

***

Toni was convinced that this was too good to be true. How was it possible that The Shelby Goodkind had been messaging, and more importantly flirting with, her for over a month. It had, quite honestly, been the best month of her life considering her Olympic success alongside being noticed by her celebrity crush.

It turned out that Shelby was somehow even better in real life, or maybe it was a side of her she only showed to Toni. She was open and warm, funny and charming, and, to Toni's delight, an outrageous flirt. Despite their polar opposite experiences of life they hit it off immediately, Toni found herself trusting the actress almost as much as she did Martha. Opening up to new people was something that she never did; but Shelby had carefully taken down her walls brick by brick. It was refreshing to be able to talk to someone who genuinely wanted to know her and cared about the mundane and even ugly parts of her life, Toni had easily spilled her deepest truths and still Shelby kept messaging her. In return Shelby told Toni her story, and even though she'd heard it briefly through the interviews, hearing it in detail left her in tears. Without doubt this was the strongest girl she'd ever known and already she couldn't be prouder.

Martha, whilst of course being the self-proclaimed 'number 1 Goodfoe stan', could see through Toni's facade when none of their other friends could.

'Toni, I know you're doubting this,' Martha's voice floated across the room as Toni laid face down on her bed. 'I know you don't think you're good enough for her. But clearly she likes you and thinks you're 'the shit' as you say'

'Martyyyy, you know I only say that to make the other girls believe I'm a top. And it pumps me up before the big games. When it comes to Shelby I'm far from 'the shit''

'Well you're not gonna do much good with that attitude, are you?'

She grunted in reply and lifted her head enough to check her phone.

You know how we were marvelling at your super strong basketball knees?

Well I just tried to do a slut drop and my knees cracked :(

Toni snorted; she could just imagine the pout on Shelby's face as she typed out the disgruntled text.

'What's cheered you up all of a sudden? Shelby send a cute selfie?'

'Nah, just an inside joke. She's convinced I have superhuman knees to cope with all the jumping I do, you know in games and shit'

'Yes, I'm well aware of the jumping involved in basketball' Martha rolled her eyes, clearly bemused after a lifetime of Toni's useless lesbian crap.

wtf lol

why are you slut dropping without me :(

Just practicing for when my Golden Girl comes to visit Texas ;)

you're the one with the money goodkind, why don't you visit me huh?

Toni's stomach flipped and she held back a grin, Shelby had called her hers and invited her to Texas. The giddy, anxious feeling in her stomach grew as she thought about meeting the blonde girl in person. She imagined they'd run across the airport into each others arms, hugging until Toni could barely breathe. Then they'd head off to Shelby's apartment, she deserved privacy after all if they were to kiss like Toni so desperately hoped. Perhaps, if everything went to plan they'd even end up in Shelby's bed?

The sound of another few texts coming through pulled her from her thoughts.

Well, about that...

I'm heading to Minnesota next month and according to my agent I'll be pretty close to your training courts.

So I suppose this is me asking if you'd like to meet while I'm up there?

shelbs of course i wanna meet you x

hell, i'm just surprised you wanna meet me lol x

Well ditto, I don't call you my Golden Girl for nothing xx

you're just too cute, can't wait to hug you x

Hmm no, you're the cute one xx

Can't wait to hug (and kiss??) you too baby xx

Kiss her? Baby? If Toni died right there and then from heart failure it really wouldn't surprise her. Even Regan hadn't got to pet name stage, when she had tried it just made Toni uncomfortable, but with Shelby it felt natural. Everything between them was so natural and comfortable for Toni, something she could tell was very much reciprocated, and she couldn't wait to see Shelby in the flesh.

***

Toni had barely got over the feeling of Shelby's new affinity for pet names when she saw the pictures all over Twitter. Shelby Goodkind in a Team USA jersey, more specifically a number 3 basketball jersey. Of course Toni was insignificant enough in US sport to be overlooked by Shelby's fans; many of whom didn't even recognise that it was a basketball jersey, nevermind having her number on it. It was an odd feeling, however, to see people thirsting over a picture of her crush (maybe one day girlfriend) wearing her jersey. Toni definitely agreed that she looked good in it though, so good she almost made the picture her phone back ground (Marty convinced her that would be weird).

damn goodkind, give a girl some warning next time you wear her jersey in public ;) x

Oh no, the Twitter stans found me? xx

lol, you know about the twitter stans? x

Well of course, it's kind of hard not to when they tag me in everything xx

you know you once reposted one of my fancams? x

back before olympic prep got stupid intense i fucked around with video editing to destress and shit x

Wait, you were on my stan Twitter? xx

um yeah a bit...

OMG, that's so cute! xx

I remember the edit, its the only one I've ever reposted. Must be fate xx

definitely fate :) x

anyway, back to the jersey. did you know it was my number and did you do it to fuck with me bc you definitely did something to me ;) x

I maybe Googled you and watched so many videos of you playing basketball that I learned your number xx

And I'm glad I returned the favour for what your basketball does to me ;) xx

Toni choked on her Gatorade when the last text came through, Shelby would be the death of her. The next month really couldn't go fast enough but at least she had Shelby's texts to get her through it.

She had barely recovered when her phone vibrated with another notification, this time a picture message. Her heart skipped a beat, sure Shelby had sent her pictures before but they'd all been explainable, or things that reminded them of each other. Never during their flirtatious conversations.

Toni nervously opened the message and her screen was filled with an adorable image of Shelby in the basketball jersey. The caption read 'thinking of you tonight <3'. Her heart melted at Shelby's softness, she knew it had taken her a long time to become comfortable with herself and that she didn't show her vulnerabilities easily, much like herself. Toni felt honoured to be able to know Shelby so intimately.

Not one to be outdone, Toni replied with a photo of her own. It was nothing special, just the kind of selfie she'd send to Marty, but she'd made sure that her poster collection was captured in the background: 'thinking of you too :)'

You have a picture of me in your room? xx

well duh, you're my celeb crush babe x

Asdfghjkl that's too adorable, your fans would die if they knew how soft you are xx

you wouldn't fucking dare goodkind x

***

A week later Toni was, once again, laid on her bed thinking of Shelby. They hadn't known each other long but she knew Shelby better than almost anyone else and something was off. Her texts had been subdued and her social media had been quiet for almost four days now. Toni was worried, and it was eating her up because she didn't have a fucking clue how to make things better. The gnawing feeling that something was wrong had made her fidgety and irritable, so much so that Martha had sent her home with strict instructions to get some sleep. Instructions which Toni had blatantly ignored.

It felt weird to her, worrying so much about someone who wasn't Martha. Shelby meant so much to her and it physically hurt her to think of anything bad happening to her. The horribly selfish part of her needed Shelby to be OK so that she could rebalance herself, everything was off-kilter without her. But more than that, Toni was so deeply certain that Shelby deserved everything the world had to offer that the thought of her hurting drove her to tears. She really really wished she could teleport to Shelby and hug all her troubles away whilst whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

Toni's wandering mind cleared suddenly with that thought. She had never felt this strongly for someone, the feeling that, despite the miles between them, her and Shelby were forever intertwined. The thread that had drawn them to each other the night of Toni's win had grown into a strong cord that felt unbreakable to her. The realisation hit her like a train: she wasn't just falling for Shelby Goodkind, she'd crash landed in her backyard and could only hope Shelby would take her in (it seemed pretty unlikely to Toni that she wouldn't).

'I'm in love with Shelby Goodkind'

The whisper of her confession felt more like a shout to Toni and god did she wish she could shout it to the world, but she couldn't, not until she'd told the most important person. She was halfway towards booking the next flight to Texas when the buzzing of her phone startled her back to reality.

It was Shelby.

'Shelbs, hey,' Toni picked the phone up immediately, Shelby had never called her before. 'Is everything OK? Something's wrong, I can tell'

'Toni,' Shelby's voice cracked and Toni heard a sob escape before she could say anymore.

'Shit Shelbs. It's ok, I'm here baby,' her heart raced at the sound of Shelby falling apart at the other end of the phone, worry wracking her body. 'Talk to me baby, what can I do?'

'I-, just-, can you just tell me about your day?' was the choked out response. 'If you're too busy it's ok, I'll be fine'

'Shelbs, you're clearly not gonna be fine. I would never leave you to deal with anything alone, you know that right?'

'You're too good to me Toni, I don't deserve you'

There was another sob and Toni's heart wrenched, all she wanted to do was hold Shelby and kiss the pain away. Being several hours away meant the best she could do was talk idly down the phone until she heard her breathing even out. So much time had passed since she'd stopped speaking that she thought Shelby had fallen asleep, until her weak voice floated out of Toni's phone.

'It's the sixth anniversary today, I'm not sure how it's still possible for me to feel so much pain about it. Like I can be fine all year and as soon as this week rolls around I just fall apart and all my old doubts start creeping back in. And not just 'was it my fault she died?' but also such stupid stuff like 'what if I'm not actually a lesbian?' and 'am I really worthy of you?'. I really hope that I am by the way, you mean more than anything else in the world to me, Toni'

'I love you,' Toni breathed out impulsively, unable to hold back her feelings for any longer, just hearing Shelby say her name so reverently destroyed every fear she had. 'Oh shit, that was such insensitive timing, I'm so sorry Shelbs'

'No, no, please don't be sorry, you'll make me think you regret it. I love you. I love you back and it's never the wrong time for me. Actually, maybe it was the perfect time'

Toni could hear the small smile in her voice and knew that despite it all, as long as they had each other, they'd be OK. Now all she needed to do was make them officially them.

'Hey babe? Random question, but what's your address?'

***

Baby is this for real? xx

i'm not a mind reader goodkind, you're gonna need to help me out here x

The present? xx

And the note? xx

(It's a yes by the way <3) xx

Toni tried to smother the grin that overtook her face when Shelby's response came through. After their love confessions she had wanted to make their relationship official whilst also somehow managing to sweep Shelby off her feet all the way from Minnesota. That's where her Team USA hoodie came in. She had packed up the hoodie (thoroughly doused in her aftershave) along with a handwritten letter ending with the million dollar question: 'Will you be my girlfriend?'. For all intents and purposes they already were girlfriends so Toni really wasn't all that worried but that didn't mean she didn't want to impress the girl she loved.

guess that makes me your golden girlfriend now babe x

Nah, it makes you the cutest, sexiest, kindest Golden Girlfriend in the world. Not so badass now huh? xx

BTW is this hoodie how you always smell because holy shit it smells incredible xx

you say your prayers with that mouth? x

but yeah i kinda drowned it in my aftershave but it probably still smells a bit like me x

Wow I can't wait to hug you, this hoodie is just making me want you more :( xx

not long now baby x

ps don't let anyone see you in that bc they're not publicly available like my jerseys ;) x

Don't worry, it's staying in my bed, I can already tell I'll sleep well tonight :) xx

I'm more sad it doesn't have your name on it though, I wouldn't mind having proof I'm yours xx

am i not all the proof you need? x

but i'm sure we can sort out you becoming a shalifoe if you really wanted ;) x

One day, my love <3 xx

***

'THE BIG DAY'

The countdown on Toni's phone ended with far more fanfare than a phone had the right to create. It was finally here, she'd been anxiously counting down the days, hours, hell even the seconds (much to Martha's great annoyance) for the last couple of weeks. Toni was a ball of energy, what kind of energy she really couldn't tell you. All she could think about was Shelby; her girlfriend, her goddamn soulmate, the girl she'd very probably be kissing in roughly three and a half hours.

It was possibly the most nervous Toni had ever been, even including before her important basketball games. Nothing had ever meant more to her than meeting Shelby and inevitably the doubts began to creep in.

what if you don't think i'm as cute in person x

Baby I'm obviously gonna be blown away by how much better you are in person, why are you even worried? xx

because it's you <3 x

Seriously, don't worry <3 xx

Marty had offered to give her a lift to the hotel Shelby was staying at since she knew her nerves would make it impossible for Toni to drive. She had wanted to meet Shelby in the airport to fulfil her romantic dreams of a TikTok worthy first meeting, but Shelby suggested the hotel instead to ensure their privacy. Balanced on the knee that wasn't bouncing with nerves was a bouquet of flowers. Toni had never bought flowers before and knew shit about them, luckily Marty had helped her pick out the perfect bunch (she still knew shit about what they meant). She hoped Shelby would like them, wondering whether anyone had ever bought her flowers before. It would honestly be a disgrace if not.

Sensing Toni's nerves, Marty went to drive around the block again before pulling up outside the hotel.

'She loves you T,' Marty reassured her. 'Today isn't gonna change that, if anything it'll just make your feelings stronger. Hell I'd be surprised if you weren't moving in together by next month'

'Thanks Marty,' Toni shot her a grateful smile before taking a deep breath and leaving the car.

Shelby had apparently already told the hotel security to expect her because she was waved in with no questions. She fumbled with her phone trying to find to right room number, in her nervous haze it had slipped from her memory. Room and floor number newly ingrained into her brain, she made her way to the elevators and tried to calm her nerves. Again she swore she'd never been this nervous ever before in her life.

Somehow on the journey to the top floor she managed to compose herself and was struck with a wave of confidence. Chin up and chest out, Toni strode down the corridor to Shelby's room. The door swung open before she could even knock and the flowers she'd so lovingly forced Marty to choose were crushed by Shelby throwing her arms around her.

'Fucking hell Goodkind, your flowers are gonna go to shit now,' She grumbled into Shelby's ear. 'You been watching out for me huh?'

'Somethin' like that yeah,' Shelby pulled back slightly, looking bashful, her Texan accent thick due to her nerves.

Toni unceremoniously dumped the flowers on the floor (sorry Marty) before throwing herself at Shelby, her arms wrapping around her again. As she inhaled the scent of Shelby and basked in the feel of her hold a feeling overcame her that she'd never felt before: home.

'Wow Golden Girl, you smell even better in person,' Shelby smiled at her shyly. 'You're also way shorter than I imagined'

Toni rolled her eyes, smothering a smirk.

'Shut the fuck up and kiss me Goodkind'