Work Text:
June put away the last bit of laundry when she heard Holly’s loud squeal from across the hallway. The door to her bedroom was ajar, to reveal her and Nick sitting on the floor. They had Holly’s game of Pretty, Pretty Princess spread out on the floor. Upon closer inspection, Nick was wearing purple clip on earrings, a necklace and a bracelet. June moved to the side, so they couldn’t see her, but she could see them. She loved watching the two of them together.
After the past several years of going to hell and back, she tried to remember to not to take any moment for granted.
Holly was 4, going on 5. It was hard to believe. Hannah was going to be 13 soon, and each and every day June prayed that her period would hold off as long as possible. When a girl in Gilead gets her period, it becomes public knowledge as then the process to find a husband begins.
Nick and Tuello had been working with Mayday operatives in Gilead in Hannah’s district. They were closer than they ever had been to getting a direct connection to get her out. June had to actively will herself everyday to hold onto hope that they will get her out. That hope was what kept her from falling apart.
“Ok, Dada. Your turn.” Holly handed Nick the spinner. She was such a daddy’s girl. It was no wonder as Nick doted on her constantly. Seeing Nick actually be a dad only made June’s love grow more for him.
“Ooh, a 3! I got the crown. I win!” He said excitedly to her and placed the plastic crown on his head. June stifled a chuckle. He looked ridiculous, wearing the plastic crown that was way too small.
“You forgot to say, ‘I’m the pretty, pretty princess!!’” She corrected him.
“I’m the pretty, pretty princess!” He shouted loudly and Holly let out a roaring laugh. Nick scooped up Holly into his arms and danced around the room celebrating the victory. They collapsed down onto Holly’s pink and purple flower bed, giggling together. June had never seen Nick giggle until Holly. Carefree was a good look on him.
Holly’s hair darkened as she got older, making her resemble him more. There was a slight wave in her hair that mimicked Nick’s. Her lips were definitely Nick’s, especially when she pouted. Aside from June’s blue eyes and stubbornness, June thought Holly favored Nick more and more as she got older. Their daughter was the perfect reflection of the two of them and their love.
“Ok, sweetheart, what do you want to do now? We have about 15 minutes before bedtime.”
“I want a princess story,” Holly said confidently. She was a girlie girl through and through.
“Sure, we have lots of princess books,” Nick went to the basket of books in the corner of the room.
“Nooo, I want you to tell me a princess story. One that I haven’t heard before,”
“Oh,” Nick paused, contemplating what she was saying. “You want me to make up a story,”
“Yeah!” Holly nodded enthusiastically. Nick came back to sit on the bed next to her.
“Ok, It’s gotta be a good one, so give me a moment to think.” He leaned his back against the wall and Holly leaned against his body. She looked up at him patiently.
“Alright, I got it,” Nicks looks down at her. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah,” she crawled into his lap and Nick wrapped his arms around her.
“Once upon a time, there was a princess that lived in a far away land. The kingdom used to be the land of freedom. The princess lived happily with her prince and their daughter. But one day, a group of people took over the kingdom and it turned it into a very bad place.”
June realized Nick was telling her about Gilead, putting it into words that her 4 year old brain would understand.
“What did they do?”
“They made the people of the kingdom do things they didn’t want to do and didn’t let them be with the people that they truly loved.”
“Like how?” Holly was so inquisitive.
“Well, they wouldn’t have let Auntie Moira and Auntie Una get married. They would say their love was wrong.”
“Oh, ok. What’s the princess’s name?,”
“Ummm, Princess...Jane.” June shook her head at Nick’s lack of subtlety.
“So, Princess Jane tried to run away to a safe neighboring kingdom before they could make her do the things she didn’t want to do, but they captured her. The people took her daughter away to live with another family, and the prince was able to get to the safe kingdom. A bad Lord and Lady locked the princess away in their castle to live with a household of people she didn’t know. They would make the princess stay in her room for days or try to hurt her.”
“Like give her shots?” Holly’s eyes got really wide. Nick smiled softly at her innocence. To Holly, the ultimate pain came from the shots she got at the doctor. He hoped that was the worst kind of pain that she would ever experience. It was naive to think that she would never experience hurt, but the thought of someone hurting her made his stomach churn.
“Yeah, like give her shots. There was also a servant that lived in the castle that worked in the stables, taking care of the horses. When he laid eyes on Princess Jane, he thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The princess would find little ways to make the servant laugh and feel happy.”
“What kind of stuff would the princess do?”
“She would tease him about the foods he didn’t like. Really, She would make him happy by just being around. The servant knew he wanted to protect her as much as he could, but he didn’t have a lot of power in the kingdom. He worked really hard and to find a group of other servants that would help him get the princess out of the kingdom to a safer, happier place. They tried their hardest to get her out of there, but the bad people captured her again.”
“Oh no!” Holly exclaims.
“After they captured her, they brought her back to the castle again. The servant was so worried about the princess because she was so very sad. The Lord and Lady of the house could see how much they cared for each other, so they tried to keep the princess and the servant apart. Their love stayed strong even when they tried to send the servant away. However, the servant was even more determined to help her get out, because you know why?”
“Why?”
“The princess was going to have a baby.”
“How did that happen?” Holly raised her eyebrows.
“Umm,” Nick paused to think about how to explain it, not realizing he was possibly opening a can of worms. They haven’t had the ‘where do babies come from’ talk yet with Holly. “Well, Princess Jane had come to the servant’s room one night and they made love which created a baby,” Nick prayed that Holly wouldn’t focus too much on his answer.
“Is that what you and mommy did to make me?”
June waited intently in the hallway, curious what Nick was going to say now that he dug himself into a hole. She could see the panicked look on his face of how to respond appropriately.
“You colored some hearts on paper to make love and that made me?” Holly scrunched her face trying to think of how that was possible.
“Yeah, kinda. Anyways, let me finish the story, sweetie. So, the Princess had a little baby girl. The servant thought it was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. Sadly, the Lord and Lady took the baby away from the princess and the servant. They believed that the baby was theirs. Luckily with the help of some servant friends, the princess was able to get the beautiful baby girl out to the safer kingdom, but Princess Jane had to stay behind to help her other daughter.”
“Yeah, definitely.” Holly agreed.
“So the princess tried to help find her other daughter, but the bad people moved the princess’s daughter far away from her. The princess was sad but she decided that she wanted to try to help as many people as she could to get to the safer kingdom. She was so brave that she risked getting herself hurt to help get 86 children to the other kingdom,”
“Wow. 86!” Holly had a look of utter amazement on her little, round face.
“Yeah, it was a miracle she was able to do it. Unfortunately, the princess had to go on the run to escape from the bad people because they didn’t like that. She had to hide and fight against the bad people in the kingdom. Eventually it all worked out because her fairy godmother found her and smuggled her onto a boat to get her to the other kingdom where she got to be reunited with her baby girl. Princess Jane continues to help people stuck in the other kingdom. She was even able to get her older daughter safely out of the bad kingdom.”
“Wait, what about the servant? Did she stop loving him?” Holly looked concerned.
“No, she saved him too.” Nick's face softened as he answered.
June could remember that day so clearly. Nick had just told her to “try and be happy.” It was futile; she couldn’t be happy without him. As she started to drive away from the Magdalena Academy, the pull to go back to him was undeniable. There was a tugging sensation in her gut that she needed to go back for him. Why should she get to live free and he has to go back to Gilead. She could only imagine what the secret service men were thinking when she quickly flipped the car and floored it back to the building.
She ran out of the car, frantically praying that he hadn’t left already.
“Nick!!! Wait. Nick!” June shouted at the top of her lungs as she sprinted around the corner of the building where she saw him emerge from. He was sitting in his car with his forehead resting against the steering wheel. Her heart was racing as ran to the car and knocked on the window. He visibly jumped, startled by her. When his eyes met hers, she could see the tears fresh on his cheek. He swallowed and rolled down the window.
“June, what’s wrong?” His sadness had turned to concern for her safety as she seemed to be in a panic. His eyes darted around for any indication of danger.
“You’re. Coming. With. Me.” She said between pants as she caught her breath from running.
“June, I can’t.” The pain he was trying to conceal was so evident on his face then.
“Why not!?” she yelled at him.
“Hannah.” He looked down. It felt like June couldn’t possibly love him anymore but somehow it was possible. He was willing to live a life of oppression and misery for the chance to help Hannah.
“Nick,” her hands cupped his face, forcing him to look at her. “You even said getting her out is impossible. I can’t put into words how much it means to me that you are helping me gain information on her. The unfortunate reality is we may never get her out. I can’t stand the thought of you wasting away in Gilead because of me. I need you here with me. With Holly.”
The mention of his daughter’s real name made his heart leap. The name they chose for her. This brief meeting with her was more than he thought he would ever get again. He felt grateful but seeing her had only increased his desperate longing for more time with her.
“I would be tried as a war criminal,” He looked away from her with a hopeless expression on his face.
June shook her head vehemently.
“No, I have Tuello on my side. You could exchange your intel for your freedom. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Nick remembered when he told her the same thing in the hospital, after the bombing.
“You don’t know if that would work. Wait, Is Holly alone in the car right now?”
“Yes, at least come back to my car and talk with me more.”
Nick agreed and followed June back to her car.
“Can I- Can I sit in the back with her?” he asked sheepishly.
“Of course,” June’s eyes were brimming with affection for him as Nick climbed into the back next to Holly.
“Hey, baby girl. I had to come see you one last time.” He leaned in and his face softened with so much love. She knew Luke cared about Holly, but he had never looked at her with as much adoration as Nick had.
“Uh-oh. Did you lose one of your mittens?” He looked around the backseat until he saw the discarded mitten on the floor. Cautiously, he gently put it back on her hand and smiled. “There you go, Holly.” The sound of her name on his lips felt right. It felt like a secret that he was forced to keep was finally allowed to be known.
“So?” June broke him from his fixation on Holly with an expectant look. “She needs her daddy,” June said softly.
“She has a dad. Luke.” Nick looked out the window as if looking at either of them would change his mind.
“Luke is not her dad. He will never love her like you do. She deserves to know you. Be raised by you. Loved by you.”
“Damn it, June. Why do you have to make this so hard on me?” he said bitterly while clenching his jaw, fighting back another round of tears.
“Why? Because I love you!” She felt her anger spilling over, letting go of all of the thoughts she had been holding on to. “Because it has been hell being separated from you. I’ve tried so hard to be happy in Canada. Then, I feel so guilty all the time for not being happy. No one understands me. Not Luke, not Moira, not even Emily. It's really fucking hard when the only person who truly understands and loves the real me is still in Gilead. Sometimes I wish I were still with the Waterfords just so I could be close to you again. To look out my window and know you were above the garage reading or tinkering with some car part.”
He finally looked at her, his resolve crumbled by the second when tears silently spilled down her cheeks.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” June’s glassy eyes looked at him through blurred vision.
“Yes, okay.” Nick fought the stubborn smile on his face when she broke into a hopeful smile. Tears continued to steam down her face, but this time they were tears of joy. June got out of the car to inform the Secret Service officers of what was happening. They had no jurisdiction to tell her he couldn’t come back with her. Their only job was to make sure she returned safely. She got back in the driver’s seat.
“Come sit up here with me. Holly will fall asleep as soon as we start driving anyway.”
Nick obliged her request and June hungrily kissed him as soon as he sat beside her. He eagerly welcomed the kiss, threading his hand in her hair. They both wanted more but that wasn’t an option with two secret service men watching them.
It was a surreal yet freeing feeling to him, having June drive. He enjoyed just watching her do such a mundane thing. He meant what he said. Freedom agreed with her. His hand rested on his thigh and he saw the band of gold on his finger that he had forgotten about. Now was as good of time as any, it was going to come out sooner or later.
“June. I need to tell you something,”
Her eyes flicker to his, acknowledging to him that she is listening.
“I had to get married in Gilead.”
June’s expression is unreadable as she keeps her eyes on the road. “I figured it would happen sooner or later. Did you perform the ceremony with her?” Her voice remains eerily calm as if she is trying to restrain herself. The word ceremony makes her skin crawl as she braces herself for his answer.
“No.” June lets out a huge sigh of relief. “The first month I purposely planned a trip away and the second month I spiked her tea with ketamine. Her name is Allison. 17 years old. Incredibly shy. I think she was as terrified to be married as much as I dreaded it. I tried to show her as much kindness as possible. I didn’t-” he falters. The memory of Eden’s dead body being pulled out of that high school pool will never fade. “I didn’t want what happened to Eden to happen to her.”
June nodded and reached across the car to hold his hand. He felt a pit in his stomach, wondering what would happen to Allison. Nick prayed that her next husband would be decent to her.
The months that followed were very messy. Luke was obviously incredibly distraught and when June showed back up on their doorstep with Nick in tow. He knew what that meant. He knew that she had chosen him.
Nick got whisked away by Tuello immediately and had to spend 3 months being held in custody. During that time he was fully questioned until they came to a release agreement. Nick remained adamant that it must be included in his agreement that Tuello help them to get Hannah.
Tuello had admitted after the fact that he was about to release Fred for his intel until Nick came along. Nick was a better asset as he had vast information on the resistance movement in addition to his strong Gilead intel. Tuello was very pleased to find how cooperative Nick had been in the whole process. Nick’s arrival meant that Fred’s freedom was no longer going to happen. Fred was sentenced to life in prison and Serena was sentenced to 10 years. Serena ended up giving birth in prison and her son was given up for adoption to a lovely gay couple in Montreal. June was so grateful that Nick had really saved her in more ways than one. She wouldn’t know how she would deal with the thought of Fred being free.
June and Holly stayed with Rita temporarily until she was able to get an apartment for the 3 of them for when Nick was released. The apartment that they still live in today. It’s small but it has everything they need. Luke was able to finally move on a year later. He started dating Erin, the former handmaid, who escaped with him to Canada. They seemed to be going strong, and June was thankful for that. She had always wanted Luke to find peace and love again. Luke and Nick were able to forge a cordial relationship as they focused on their common goal of rescuing Hannah.
June was brought back to the present moment when she heard Holly speak again.
“Wow, I want to be like Princess Jane.”
“You already are. You are strong, brave, kind.”
“Beautiful too, daddy?”
“Of course, you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world and I love you so much. Don’t ever forget that, you promise?,” he held out his pinky finger to her.
“I pinky promise” she wrapped her finger around his, sealing their promise.
Sorry, Holly, June thought to herself. Your dad has ruined you for other men. Most boys are going to disappoint you compared to your dad.
“Good,” he kissed the top of her forehead. “Should I get mommy to say good night to you?”
“Yeah! First we gotta say goodnight to Hannah.” This was their nightly ritual. June framed one of the most recent photos that they received of Hannah and put it on Holly’s nightstand. They told her all about her big sister and that she was going to come to meet her someday soon. Holly had no idea what Gilead was or that Hannah was stuck there. Nick grabbed the picture of Hannah and handed it to Holly.
“Good night, Hannah. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. Love you,” Holly gave the picture a kiss. A knot formed in June’s throat as she choked back a sob.
“Love you, Hannah,” Nick said softly and he rolled out of the bed. When he opened the door, he was shocked to see a teary eyed June standing there. He closed the door behind him to not let Holly see. Nick moved unconsciously, placing his hand on the back of her head and drawing her to his chest as he had done countless times before.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you. We’re going to get her soon. I promise,” he whispered against the top of her head as she let her tears flow freely. Nick felt the wetness of her tears soak through his shirt.
One of the things that she loved about him was that he was never afraid of her emotions, no matter how ugly or intense they were. He would just let her feel what she needed to feel while being there for her, comforting her. Nick felt her nod against his chest as her breathing slowed down. His chest ached as well. He wouldn’t rest until Hannah is back in her arms. Nick knew that he only saw Hannah a mere 10 minutes at the lake house years ago, but he cared deeply about her. She was as much his daughter as Holly was to him. From the hundreds of stories that June had told Holly, he felt like he knew her. At least the Hannah that she was.
“Daaaad. Mooooom. Where are you?” Holly shouted impatiently. June pulled back from Nick and he wiped the tears off her cheek with his thumb.
“Be right there in a minute, Holly,” Nick replied back to her and gave June a soft kiss on the lips. June regained her composure and she opened the bedroom door.
“Hey, baby. Daddy just had to fill me in on the princess story he told you,” she covered up her sadness with a tight smile and climbed into the bed next to Holly to cuddle her. Holly let out a big yawn. June gave her a tight squeeze and kissed her goodnight. Nick gave her one more kiss on the cheek and the two of them turned to leave the bedroom.
“Mama, can you tell me more about how to make love?”
“Uh, Holly, we can talk about it more when you’re a little older,” June explained to her.
“Older as in tomorrow?” Her quick witted nature was something she inherited from June.
“No, we want to make sure you fully understand it.” June shook her head.
Holly sighed loudly and gave an over exaggerated eye roll.
“Go to bed,” Nick said in a more stern, fatherly voice as he shut the door behind them.
“Before I report you,” June echoed the words of a memory to him.
Nick gave her a strange look. “What?”
“You don’t remember? In the kitchen. After you told me you were an eye.”
“Hmm, yes.” He recalled the memory and a wicked glint formed in his eyes. “Now you need to go to bed right now before I report you.”
June bit her lip, “To sleep, right?”
Nick shook his head, staring at her lips with a hungry gaze that June would never, ever get tired of.