Chapter Text
Dear Xiao,
It’s been a while since the last time we saw each other. For some reason it always takes us a long time till we meet again and even this letter might never find you. Do not worry, my dear yaksha. It holds nothing of significance, just a collection of thoughts, impressions, and memories. I felt like writing them down, like bringing them to paper, so I may read them one day in case I do not consciously remember. You might be taken aback by this thought of mine – the notion that I need to remember – but I realized a few days ago that if prompted I can recall details of times which no one has witnessed except the all-seeing Celestia, however, if there’s no reason for me to remember certain memories will rest in the depths of my subconsciousness as if asleep.
Just a few days ago one memory was awakened. You might have heard about the unrest near the Chasm. Would you believe that it was our friend Azhdaha trying to break from the seal I imposed on him? It took me so long to realize it was him, and once I understood all the memories were so present in my mind, vivid in grotesque detail like the time the three of us drank wine beneath a moon-lit tree, enjoying the silvery light filtered through golden leaves. I remember the soft purse of your lips and the flush on your cheeks as you asked us if there truly was a palace on the moon. I remember the rumble of Azhdaha’s laugh, an avalanche which rolled over us and carried us along. He’d often allow us to take a seat on his back, carry us across Liyue, and you sat still with squared shoulders and straight back for hours – admirable – however, the longer the journey the more your posture crumbled, your fingers thrummed at your thigh, small movements – even just a crystalfly – caught your attention and your eyes flitted across the scenery giving away your urge for haste.
You’ve never been the patient sort. Pardon me. That is, of course, by the standard of immortals like us. Compared to humans, I’ve learnt, you easily outdo their standards. Though, among us our standards are different. Our world is different. In the end, our hopes, dreams and desperation are of a different quality and power.
I wonder if it was wrong of me to free Azhdaha. It’s been such a long time ago, but it was a hope he unconsciously yearned for. A world he never truly expected to witness. I gave him a dream and turned it into a nightmare, sealing him for eternity while distorted memories linger in his mind. While he yearns for a world he has seen. Humans fear death. Immortals fear dying. Because we can die forever.
It is a fair reminder of my own cruelty. Of my duty towards humanity, the responsibility I prioritized and in the end the reason why my time as an archon had to come to an end. It is hard to be cruel for a lifetime, especially if your life never ends.
I wish to be kinder. I wish for the kindness Guizhong extended to me. Xiao, I wish for the kindness you carry in your heart because I remember the day we met when it wasn’t fear in your eyes as you faced my blade but the hope to end your own cruelty because beneath the merciless slaughter and devoured dreams you had too much kindness to steel your heart.
Can I be as kind as you?
I need to sort my thoughts, before I continue. There is so much to remember.
Thank you.
Zhongli