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“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”
The cafe was surprisingly quiet this evening, which pleased both men quite a lot. They didn’t particularly enjoy having to struggle to hear their own thoughts, and for He Xuan this was especially ideal, considering he was about to do something that would require a really good ambiance.
But as he saw Shi Wudu quirk his eyebrow he felt his courage and determination just drain out of his body, now questioning why in the hell he was even doing this.
How would He Xuan, in his right mind, put himself in this position?
He’s right, he wouldn’t.
Shi Qingxuan did .
“Wedding?” He Xuan said, finally composing himself after choking on his food.
“He-Xiong, you need to be more careful! And yes- don’t tell me you haven’t thought about that! Aren’t weddings like, the best part of loving someone? I understand Ge can look quite scary sometimes, but I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t like weddings!”
This was a conversation He Xuan, who was just silently nodding along to everything Shi Qingxuan was saying, wasn’t expecting to have in front of a cashier in a Louis Vuitton. In fact, this was not a conversation he was ever expecting to have. But here they are, spending a fortune on weird looking accessories, both men matching outfits - He Xuan must admit, even if he’s not one for cutesy looks, he does like these strawberry dresses a lot - and discussing the future of his “relationship” with the cashier Qingxuan just befriended in the span of two minutes.
“Weddings involve marriage. It’s not just a random party you have.” This got a loud laugh from the bubbly boy, which was so contagious that soon the cashier was caught laughing too.
“Obviously, silly! You two have been together for forever now, it wouldn't be surprising for you guys to show up with rings any day now! I mean, I’d be kinda upset if you didn't let me know beforehand- Ah, here is my card!”
Marriage?
When he was younger, He Xuan dreamed about getting married to the person he loved, having children, a stable job, reading books all day- that sort of cliche perfect stuff. But those were just temporary aspirations. Soon enough, he grew to realise that marriage wasn’t really as important or amazing as people made it seem, and it no longer appealed to him the way it did before.
It just… didn’t really matter. At least not enough to cross his mind.
On their way out of the store, Shi Qingxuan seemed to notice that his friend was still thinking about it, so he decided not to let go of the subject himself.
“Wouldn’t that be cool though? We’d legally be family-- brothers-in-law! Oh, and the wedding make-over! Oh- Oh!!! We could pick a dress together! Or a suit- I’ve seen this one online, it just screams He-Xiong vibes!! I’m sure you’d love it, and OH MY GOSH can I carry the rings??? We can invite everyone too! Argh! You guys need to get married! You know, I’ll be honest with you He-Xiong, some years ago I couldn’t sleep at night, fearing that my brother and that terrible man would end up getting married! I could even handle Ling Wen, but Pei Ming?? He has an incredibly punchable face, he’s such a bad influence for Ge! He-Xiong, on the other hand, has my blessing! So what are you waiting for? Isn’t this what you needed?”
Well, it wasn’t that there were many cons to getting married, He Xuan will give him that. In fact, marrying Shi Wudu wasn’t the problem.
The problem was proposing.
He Xuan took pride in not being easily intimidated, but this specific scenario…
He felt shivers run down his spine.
“If your brother wanted to get married, wouldn’t he have proposed already?” He Xuan asked, almost shyly, afraid that Shi Qingxuan would go on a rampage after him basically enabling him to talk about their relationship.
Surprisingly, however, Qingxuan seemed to have calmed down instead, saying with a reassuring voice.
“Ge is a man who values family and tradition, He-Xiong. It would be easier for you to ask if he wants it or not, than the other way around.”
Hm.
“So? Go ahead.”
Suddenly he was brought back to the present, in which he had his partner sitting across from him, obviously waiting for something to come out of He Xuan.
“Uh, is the coffee good?”
“What’s wrong with you?” Shi Wudu chuckled, which caught He Xuan off guard. He didn’t say anything funny? Wait, is he getting mocked? “You’ve been spending too much time with my brother, just what is it that you wanna talk about?”
Although the other chuckling did release some of his tension, he couldn’t help but frown. Shi Wudu was truly ruthless sometimes, what if he gets rejected? He’s not usually this much of a coward, but his partner could be just like the depths of the ocean if he wanted to - almost unreachable, unpredictable and oh - deadly.
It didn’t help the fact a certain someone wouldn’t stop spamming his messaging app.
“Can’t you just turn off your notifications- Wait, Qingxuan is calling me, I’ll be right back.” And just like that, Shi Wudu stood up to talk to his brother. He Xuan thanked the heavens for that.
He took a deep breath and picked up his own phone to put an end to the madness happening in his inbox.
“What the hell is wrong with you?! You know how close I am to losing it?! You moron, why do you always do this??? When it was you with your precious “Dianxia” I couldn’t even dare message you if your house was on fire, and now you do this to me when I am trying to-”
“A-Xuan?”
Shit.
He Xuan finally looked at the screen on his phone and saw Xie Lian’s face absurdly close to the camera, as usual. He didn’t seem bothered at all by the sudden outburst, which did relieve him.
“Oh- I apologise. I thought I was talking to- wait, is he around? Did he just hear-”
“San Lang is right here with me, yes! Ahah- I apologise, I can take half of the blame for it, we were just so excited to see how it worked out! Isn’t that right San Lang?”
The man didn’t really reply with words, instead staring at the camera aggressively as Xie Lian pointed it his way. He Xuan, however, couldn’t be bothered, rolling his eyes and sighing.
“Erm, so… I guess it hasn't happened yet?”
“Qingxuan called him.”
From the other side of the line he could hear San Lang coughing heavily, which shocked Xie Lian, who now looked at his side with concern. But the concern quickly became something else, as he also started coughing awkwardly.
He Xuan doesn’t even dare try to wonder what they’re poorly trying to hide.
“A-Xuan, listen here, just do it! I can imagine that you’re probably a wreck right now- I mean, I can’t blame you, Shi Qingxuan’s brother seems like he would probably kill you as rejection- ahah! Wait, nevermind what I said. He would definitely not kill you! Eh, ah! San Lang, may you please handle this? I don’t feel like I’m helping at all…”
“Of course!” He heard San Lang say with the sweetest voice ever, only for him to take this chance to stare at the phone again. “Just do it already. He can’t really kill you, realistically. You’re worrying dianxia, so get it over with.”
He Xuan opened his mouth to protest, but he noticed Shi Wudu returning to the table. Panicking a little, he forgot to warn them before ending the call, but that’s an issue he’ll have to deal with later.
“I paid for our stuff already, do you mind us continuing this conversation on our way home?” Shi Wudu asked, seemingly paying no mind to how He Xuan randomly hung up on someone as soon as he approached.
“Sure.”
Well, this was now decidedly a huge mess.
He Xuan had given up on proposing. He allowed himself to get affected too much by his friend’s words- and he was upset, because he’s supposed to be better than this. Look at him, running away from such a simple thing as if it would actually kill him. It’s just a proposal- a couple of papers you sign for tax benefit. They’re not even religious! If Shi Wudu could read his mind right now, he’d probably be laughing at him.
Was he even ready for marriage? Did he even want this, or was he influenced into thinking he wanted this?
Since when have things gotten so serious?
Suddenly, he felt familiar fingers intertwining with his.
“I meant it when I said you have been spending too much time with my brother.” Their pace slowed down. He Xuan didn’t notice just how fast he was walking until his partner held his hand to steady him.
“Whatever you’re thinking about, just stop. Are you dying?”
“No..?”
“Are you ill?”
“It’s not that...”
“Do you want us to stop seeing each other?”
“No.”
“Then, we can talk about it any other day.”
He’s right. He Xuan has been worrying himself sick over something that wasn’t even that urgent for all that matters. And it’s probably much wiser to do it once he’s sure that this is what he wants, not what he was pressured into doing.
The sun was slowly setting, taking its warmth with it. Thankfully they had come prepared for the cold, so it didn’t really bother them. Shi Wudu in specific always brought a scarf around with him during autumn, since he’s especially sensitive around the neck and tends to get cold easily if he’s not careful. He Xuan picked up that habit from his partner, so he too wore a long, grey scarf over his shoulders, although much more loosely.
Contrary to popular belief, they were both quite talkative around each other, however this somehow felt like a special occasion to He Xuan. After worrying all day, he finally managed to relax in this comfortable silence between them. The steady hand holding his also definitely helped, even if neither of them were really into PDA.
“Qingxuan apparently wants to move out.” He Xuan’s attention, which previously belonged to the path in front of them, was stolen by the man next to him. He looked to the side, only to find Shi Wudu staring at the sky. “Has he spoken to you about this?”
He was surprised by the question. Since they started seeing each other, Shi Wudu had completely stopped asking him things about his brother. He was sort of grateful for that, since it was definitely a burden off his shoulders. And he didn’t really want to mix things.
However, he didn’t have the heart to lie to him. Not when he seems so… deep in thought.
“Not really,” he replied honestly. “Were you not expecting it?”
“I was.” Shi Wudu’s ponytail danced with the breeze as it grew stronger without them realising.
“He’s going abroad. France, to be precise.”
“Oh, so it’s something he’s already decided?”
“He sent his portfolio to this brand he’s a fan of and it got accepted. He told me just now, in that phone call.”
“Odd that he didn’t wait to meet you to tell you this…”
“He’s staying over at Xie Lian’s. Apparently, he had known since yesterday, but was scared of how I would react. I guess he didn’t tell you because of that, too.” That explained a lot.
The brothers were closer than anyone he has ever seen. Shi Wudu had raised his little brother after their parents’ death, and they haven’t really been apart ever since. Plus, this was a huge step too, and he could see the other overflowing with concern, even if he was trying to hide it.
“I’m assuming you’re going with him?”
That finally tore Shi Wudu’s attention away from the sky above them. For the first time ever since they left the cafe, their eyes met.
“He doesn’t want me to.”
“And since when is that enough to stop you?”
Shi Wudu chuckled, then sighed heavily.
“I won’t be around to protect him forever, I need him to be able to live for himself. If something happens to me, even if I know I have other people to look after him, I will ultimately only be comfortable with knowing Qingxuan is completely fine by himself, or at least fine enough to be happy.” This was a kind of vulnerability he rarely ever found in Shi Wudu. A vulnerability he could very well understand and relate to.
“You speak as if you’re going to die tomorrow.”
“Better safe than sorry.” Shi Wudu’s attention was now on the streets ahead of them, seeming to have relaxed a little. “Plus, I have a lot to keep me here too.”
He Xuan snorted and squeezed his hand.
“What could possibly keep the infamous Shi Wudu from following his brother-?”
“For starters, my job. Working so far away from my office will become incredibly annoying after a week, and I will still be the one sponsoring his trip. I have all my documents here, and I guess two idiots who can be considered my friends.” The older man’s gaze returned to He Xuan momentarily, only to look away as he said, “And you. I’m sure it wouldn’t be impossible to convince you to come with us, but I figured it would be unfounded to take you away from this city, since for some reason you just like living here so much.”
He Xuan hummed, yet it took him a while to understand what Shi Wudu had confessed.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, and you also have your brother here, don’t you?”
“San…- well yes but...”
“Either way, Shi Qingxuan will be gone for a couple of years if everything goes well, and he’ll come home for the holidays. I’ll also visit him, and you can come with me if you wish. So it’s not that terrible.”
And silence settled between them once again.
That was a lot to take in.
The sun was fully gone from the sky and they should have arrived at Shi Wudu’s by now, if it wasn’t for how slow they were walking.
Up until recently, He Xuan hadn’t paid much thought to what was going on between the two of them. Everything was much more comfortable if you didn’t talk about it. Feelings and other things, whatever could be a source of trouble - it was simply left unsaid. The fact this happened was even a surprise to both of them, considering they didn’t really look forward to seeing each other prior to this, and nothing much had really changed since then. Hatred simply turned into sexual attraction, which then became an habit, and that’s when what they had become more than just meeting to have sex.
They started enjoying just spending time with each other, mostly bickering of course, but even the silence was enough for it to be something they looked forward to everyday.
Then people around them just named whatever they had a “relationship”, and neither of them had the patience or will to deny it.
It was just a label, after all. Not seeing other people? Isn’t that what this label is for, to prevent both parties from finding someone else?
Even if they wanted to or tried, there was no one else that could give them what they could give each other.
But marriage… Marriage was different. It felt more real. It was more than just being a label. Even if he was no longer the dreamy child, he couldn’t deny that he still held some standards for marriage.
“What’s your opinion on marriage?”
The question came out naturally despite the weight it carried, however, Shi Wudu didn’t seem too impressed.
“Is this you proposing?”
“Maybe. It really depends.” They had finally reached their destination, but they didn’t really make any attempt to get inside. Instead, they just stood by the gate, now facing each other. “We might have different perspectives on marriage, and that’s why I asked.”
Shi Wudu hummed and leaned against the gate, seeming to be thinking about his answer.
“Commitment, perhaps. Working on a relationship. Turning something not serious into something we should think of. Overall, unnecessary.”
“I agree.”
A minute has passed.
“We should get inside.”
“Mhm.”
“You tell Qingxuan.”
“What? Why me? You’re his brother?”
“Don’t care, you deal with him.”
“You’re a tyrant.”
Shi Wudu laughed out loud, pulling out the keys from his pocket.
“Isn’t it too early to start thinking about divorce?”
“Really? That’s how it happened? That’s so underwhelming!” Qingxuan complained.
“What were you expecting, this man to get down on one knee and pull out a ring?” San Lang snorted.
“Well, yeah! How did you propose to Dianxia?”
“Uh, well-”
“Knowing them, probably in bed.” He Xuan smirked.
“Heheheh…” Xie Lian attempted to mask his embarrassment, but after realising it was useless, he simply put the spotlight back on He Xuan. “Well, have you two thought of when you’re going to hold the ceremony?”
“Oh, we got married already. We signed the papers yesterday.”
.
.
.
“HEH!?”