Chapter Text
Matt was kneeling on the lawn; one sweaty hand was passed through his hair while the other clutched a small square box. He sighed ready to end his speech with the fateful question
"... so, do you want to marry me?" he opened the box containing a ring with a diamond.
"Yes!" exulted the little girl by raising her arms to the sky and tearing the ring from his hands.
"Oh great! I hope she will have the same enthusiasm as you, Sarah, when I'll ask her."
Matt got up laughing and sat at the table where the little girl had momentarily abandoned her drawings, intent on turning the ring in her hands.
"I think she will be happy. Mom was happy when dad gave her one of these"
All around was a shouting of children running and playing, Matt glanced around to make sure they didn't combine disasters. He loved taking his class of children to the playground, their school was small and it didn't have a garden for the kids to play in, so Matt had gotten permission from the parents to take them there three times a week. The headmaster had told him that if the parents agreed, it basically did not concern him, but the school had no funds to afford a transport. So, Matt had organized a small fundraiser in his neighborhood to buy a small bus. His job was to start educating them, of course, but Matt thought that they were still children and they had to have fun first. Of course, it was not easy to keep an eye on them all, but luckily, they were only 10, all between 5 and 6 years old, and he thought he could handle them.
"Thank you for helping me practice Sarah, now if you don’t mind, can you to give me back the ring?"
She grimaced, but when Matt raised an eyebrow staring at her seriously, she gave it back to him snorting. "Tell me again why can't I be the one to marry you?"
"Because you're too beautiful Sarah!" he put the ring back in the box and put it in his pocket. "I mean, look at my chin! You don't want a boyfriend with a chin like that"
The little girl burst out laughing "I like your chin, it's funny"
"Oh, I thank you", he replied, bringing a hand on his heart "unfortunately, however, I believe that someone else will be the lucky one who will one day marry you. I'll have to settle for my girlfriend since I can't have you" He shrugged his shoulders with a sad face.
Sarah laughed but approached him hugging him to console him "Oh, okay, marry her then"
"Thank you!" he smiled and put her on his knees "Now that I have your permission, I feel ready"
"Let's do another drawing Matty?"
"Of course, what do you want to draw?" He took a piece of paper and colored pencils closer together. When Sarah shrugged her shoulders undecided, he took a pencil and began to draw a large writing. "As soon as I finish, you color it"
"What is it?" the little girl asked when he finished the drawing. Matt had forgotten that she was still learning to read.
"Well, it says... 'Once I proposed Matt Smith', keep it so one day when you get married your husband will know he is a second choice"
"Okay" she giggled and began to color enthusiastically. "Don't forget to get on your knees", she told him after a few minutes of silent work "that's how they do in movies, I saw it"
***
Matt was really hoping that night would go like in the movies. He had carried the ring with him for two weeks undecided on how and where to propose her. He wanted to surprise her because he feared that she would suspect something judging by the strange way she looked at him lately. He was nervous and was sure to read it in his face, in fact he had also become a bit paranoid. Since they lived together, he started to keeping the ring with him constantly to prevent her from accidentally finding it. Finally, he had decided to opt for a classic romantic dinner at the restaurant, with the excuse of celebrating her last work success.
He prepared himself with care; he wore white shirt and black trousers, a watch she had given him for a birthday, and put the ring in his pocket. She was still at work, she would join him directly at the restaurant, so Matt could calmly review his speech. He had learned it by heart, he wanted to be prepared to avoid making mistakes. A ringing of his cell phone interrupted his exercises. He rolled his eyes reading the name on the screen.
"Karen... I told you not to bother me tonight. I'm already nervous enough."
"Hello to you too Matt" her annoyed voice "just wanted to know how you feel and give you a wish for encouragement"
"Sorry", he said guilty, "it's that I was reviewing the speech"
"Reviewing the speech? What is it, an exam? Why don't you try... I don't know... to speak with the heart?"
"Look, I wrote the speech, not someone else. It's just that I prefer to be prepared. You know, when I'm nervous sometimes it happens that I say stupid things..."
"Sometimes? I would say often, if not always. You and Arthur are just like that. well... at least you will not make the proposal in the car while you are going to the supermarket"
Matt heard Arthur's voice in the distance complaining and he managed to distinguish something like 'you liked my propose'
"Yes.. of course," Karen answered to her husband in a playful tone "Anyway Matt, good luck and... everything will be fine"
Matt arrived at the restaurant perfectly on time, he told the waiter the name of the reservation and he led him to their table. She had not yet arrived. Matt sat down thinking he was really going to do it; he was going to ask her to marry him. It seemed impossible a few years earlier. Their relationship had not been easy at first, but he had persevered and after 2 happy years he had realized that she was the right one. About 10 minutes later he saw her enter; she had tied her hair and wore a simple black dress. She was very pretty, he thought.
"Sorry for the delay," she said as she sat in front of him. "It was a long day at work"
In fact, she seemed tired. "It's okay, so what do you want to eat?" Matt swallowed and began to study the menu. He didn't want to do it right now, he decided that he would wait for them to finish eating. They talked quietly for about an hour, but she was unusually silent.
"Matt, I have to tell you something.." she began after they finished dessert.
He, who was drinking wine, quickly put the glass on the table taking advantage of the moment "Yes, me too. Please let me start" he cleared his throat, staring her in the eye. She had a decidedly questioning look.
"When we got together two years ago, many believed that we would not last. Yet we have worked hard to make our relationship work and now we are here. Thank to you, I have changed a lot, I have grown, I have learned to be more responsible and to think about the future. And in my future, I see mainly you. I want to build a life with you, projects and dreams. I want to grow even more, every day with you by my side. Forever!"
Matt got up, approached her and kneed. He took the box out of his pocket and opened it. "Do you want to marry me?"
She looked at him with damp eyes and stroked his cheek.
"Oh, Matt....No, I don't "
Matt thought he hadn't heard well, because it was impossible. She couldn't have just told him no. It was not possible...
He froze for a few moments confused, when, after he repeated her words in his brain for thousands time, he realized they were true, he blushed and returned to sit embarrassed and mortified.
"No..." it wasn't exactly a question. His throat was dry, he did not know what to say and even pronouncing that small syllable cost him effort
She put her hands on her face and sighed before returning to look at him
" I'm sorry, I had no idea you wanted to ask me to marry you. I've been waiting for weeks for the right time to break up with you... if I had known... I would have told you before..."
"W-what?... but why?" He felt tears in his eyes, but he didn't want to cry.
"Because between us it doesn't work! I don't know how you didn't notice it. We are different, we want different things... you are immature, childish sometimes. I don't know if it's because you spend too much time with the kids or if you're just like that, but I need a man to take care of me. You have no plans for the future, ambitions, you do not know what you want in your life, you spend time being influenced by others. You certainly don't want to marry me; you can't really want to spend your life with me."
"Why would I do all this then?" he slammed a punch on the table. Now beyond the sadness he felt the anger grow.
"Because you feel it's the thing to do, the thing you're expected to do. You've probably succumbed to pressure from your mother."
Matt stared at her unable to speak. He couldn't believe his own ears. It was as if they had lived in two parallel universes. How was it possible that he believed that everything was fine, that he had decided to marry her while she at the same time was looking for a way to leave him?
"I'm sorry", she repeated looking at him with a sad gaze “I’m sure you'll find someone better than me who will be happy to accept that ring"
Matt looked down and turned the ring between his fingers. He felt her feeling sorry for him and it hurt him further.
After a few moments of tense silence, she took her bag, got up and headed for the exit. He turned to call her not knowing what he wanted to tell her
"Wait! Daisy!" But the brunette girl left without turning.
Matt stayed at the table alone for a while longer. He would not find anyone else; he was sure. Eventually he got up and walked away sad as tears descended on his cheeks.