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Haiji groaned softly as he tried to sit up. He felt like absolute, complete, total crap. And that was an understatement. His head was throbbing, making even the tiniest movements hurt. It felt like his throat was on fire every time he swallowed, his forehead was covered in sweat and his legs felt heavy. His stomach wouldn't allow him to eat anything, yet it made an unpleasant growling sound every few minutes. He tried to glance at the clock, but even moving his eyes hurt.
Stupid eyeballs, he thought as he pressed a clammy hand to his face. His skin didn't feel hot, not to himself anyway. Probably because every inch of his skin was on fire. Kakeru insisted he had a fever though.
Haiji stared at his blanket covered legs. He should probably blink some time soon. Ah well, his eyes were already hurting anyway. Why did he sit up again? Jeez, he really was sick. He chuckled to himself and was immediately punished with a coughing fit. Haiji was still miserably clutching his stomach when Kakeru entered.
"I made tea," he said as he quickly made his way over to where Haiji was sitting in bed, "since you can't hold your food down". Haiji nodded gratefully. He wasn't entirely sure he could hold the tea down either, but the fact that Kakeru made it for him was reason enough to give it a try. (Maybe he would change his mind if it made him throw up a third time.)
Kakeru showed up a couple of hours ago, after Haiji'd sent him a quick text to tell him that going to see the fireworks today might not be the best idea. Haiji'd tried to play it cool, pretend he was just tired, but of course his boyfriend immediately realized Haiji was hiding something.
Kakeru didn't even reply to his text. He called him up and Haiji's hoarse voice pretty much confirmed what Kakeru'd suspected. Haiji was sick. He immediately went over to Haiji's place, didn't even knock, marched into his room and placed an impossibly cold hand on Haiji's forehead. Haiji'd winced softly, but the touch felt rather nice after a few seconds.
"'I'm tired' my ass" Kakeru'd said. There was an edge of anger in his tone that made Haiji feel like an idiot for trying to deceive his boyfriend. Though he couldn't blame himself for trying. They were supposed to go see the fireworks today. Haiji knew how much Kakeru'd been looking forward to the event, so he hoped Kakeru would still go on his own if Haiji told him he was tired.
Haiji definitely felt guilty, and he had even tried to convince Kakeru to take someone else, but he couldn't deny that he felt grateful that he was here with him now. Kakeru was sitting cross-legged on his bed, sipping his own tea as he studied Haiji's face. His jeans were ripped at the knees and his socks were mismatched, one green one, one blue one. His shirt was burgundy red and hugged his chest tightly. He looked handsome and cute. Haiji wanted to kiss him.
He definitely did not want Kakeru to get sick too.
So he didn't kiss him. Instead, he decided to be satisfied with just watching his boyfriend as he sat across from him. Something Haiji could definitely do for hours. (Especially with how little it required him to move his aching body.)
He took a careful sip of tea. It burned his tongue a little, but relief washed over him when it didn't make his stomach turn upside down right away.
"Good?" Kakeru asked softly, a small but worried smile on his face. The food he'd made for Haiji was immediately rejected by his body, so Haiji understood why Kakeru wanted to make sure he was okay.
Haiji nodded and whispered a very hoarse thank you before taking another sip.
The fact that Kakeru was still here, even after Haiji'd thrown up so incredibly unattractively right in front of him, made his heart ache. He loved him so much.
If Haiji was being honest, he'd wanted nothing more than to ask Kakeru to come over when he sent him that text.
He wanted him here because he felt horrible and miserable and alone, because his new room still didn't really feel like it was his yet, because he missed him,
because he wanted someone to take care of him.
And Haiji was aware of how pathetic that sounded, and he would never dare to admit it out loud, but it was the truth. And here Kakeru was, seated on his bed like it was the only place he wanted to be right now. Haiji was positive he looked repulsive, red and sweaty and gross, but Kakeru hadn't left his side since he got here.
Suddenly his throat felt tight and a wave of panic washed over him at the thought of having to throw up again.
"Haiji." A soft touch to his shoulder made him jump a little and he tried to focus on the boy in front of him, but his vision was blurry. He blinked until he could make out Kakeru's expression. His brows were furrowed, his mouth slightly opened, his hand still on Haiji's shoulder. He looked worried.
"What's wrong? Do you want me to call a doctor after all?"
Haiji didn't understand why he was asking this at first, but then he felt something fall onto his hand. He softly touched his cheek with his fingers. They came back wet.
He was crying.
Kakeru carefully took his tea from him and placed it on the floor. The next second his hands were on Haiji's face, wiping away his tears, stroking his cheek, checking his temperature, wiping away more tears. He kissed Haiji's temple and a hiccupy sob escaped Haiji's throat.
He didn't understand why he was crying. He hadn't cried like this since... forever.
"Does it hurt anywhere? More than before?" Kakeru asked as he, again, used his thumb to wipe Haiji's tears. He shook his head as more tears escaped from his eyes. Kakeru kissed them away.
"You'll get sick" Haiji protested weakly. Kakeru just hummed softly and pulled him against his chest. His muscles ached at the movement, but once Kakeru laid them both down, the pain was worth it. Kakeru wrapped his arms around him and gently stroked his damp back.
Haiji was wearing sweatpants and a gray, wide shirt. He was freezing when Kakeru arrived and since then he had switched between wearing a sweater and not wearing a sweater every thirty minutes. Right now, he felt hot all over and his shirt was clammy and damp where Kakeru touched him. He would probably get cold again in about twenty minutes. Maybe he could just hug Kakeru tighter then.
"I don't really know why I'm crying" Haiji said softly.
"It's okay." He kissed his hair and moved his hand under Haiji's shirt to touch the warm skin of his back. "I'm here."
New tears blurred Haiji's vision and he clutched Kakeru's shirt in his fists.
"I'm here" Kakeru whispered again.
It was the last thing Haiji heard before he passed out.
He heard voices when he woke up again. Kakeru was talking to someone. He was still touching his back. The someone was saying things to Haiji but he couldn't make sense of the words. His brain felt foggy and weird, the words too far away. Then Kakeru asked him to open his mouth and he did. More talking. Kakeru saying things. Still touching his back. Then Haiji was gone again.
He actually managed to pry his eyes open the next time he woke up. His room was dark, the sun had set. To Haiji's surprise, he felt a bit better than he did this morning.
Kakeru was still next to him. His weight pressed against Haiji's side was reassuring in a way he couldn't quite understand. And he was still softly stroking his back.
"Are you feeling better?" He asked as soon as he noticed that Haiji'd opened his eyes.
Haiji nodded slowly.
"Do you remember what happened?"
Well...
"I cried my eyes out for reasons unknown to the entire human race and then I passed out."
Kakeru seemed satisfied enough with that answer and he chuckled.
Though they both knew it was more than just 'crying for unknown reasons'.
"You don't remember that the doctor was here?"
Haiji slowly sat up as he searched his brain. He came back empty-handed with the exception of some fuzzy memories.
"Not really." He cleared his throat a couple of times to steady his voice.
"It was kind of funny actually. You wouldn't answer any of the doctor's questions unless I repeated them. You only answered me."
Haiji frowned as he remembered hearing Kakeru's voice. And some other muffled sounds. Those sounds were probably the doctor then. Haiji was kind of horrified at himself. He couldn't really blame himself, his fever had knocked him out cold, but still... To think his body's autopilot would only respond to Kakeru.
"He gave you some medication. And he said you need to stay in bed and rest."
So that was why he was feeling better. He was about to thank Kakeru when they both heard the sound of fireworks going off in the distance. They turned their heads to Haiji's window. Bright colors were visible in the sky. Maybe they could still watch the show from Haiji's place. Haiji still felt guilty about having to cancel their plans, maybe this could make up for it. At least Kakeru could still see some fireworks.
"Haiji," Kakeru said softly as he gazed out the window, "I know you feel guilty." Haiji stayed quiet.
"But I was only excited because I was looking forward to hanging out with you, going somewhere with you."
Kakeru took Haiji's hand and pressed a few kisses to his knuckles. Haiji tried to smile as he stared at his lap.
"I'm serious. I'd pick taking care of you over, well... everything else, any day."
How could Kakeru just say something like that? Didn't he know what his words did to Haiji? How they made his chest feel tight and weird, how they made him want to cry and scream, how they gave him so much strength it made him feel like he could do anything?
"I love you so much" Haiji said suddenly, way too loud for how softly they were talking until then. His voice sounded a little broken.
The room was lit by only one small lamp, but Haiji could easily make out the blush on Kakeru's cheeks.
"I love you, too. Idiot" he whispered as he pressed his forehead against Haiji's.
There were still fireworks visible in the distance, going off almost nonstop. One side of the room lit up in different colors from time to time.
Haiji's eyes started to feel prickly again so he quickly distracted himself by asking if the doctor had been nice. Kakeru told him that he'd refused to leave Haiji's side and that he'd kind of embarrassed both of them by continuously stroking Haiji's back.
"I just wanted to make sure that you knew you weren't alone. I had no idea if you could feel me though."
Haiji was going to fall apart.
Kakeru chuckled before he continued. "Then you woke up, sort of, and ignored all the questions-"
Haiji buried his face in the crook of Kakeru's neck. Kakeru didn't say anything else. He quietly moved his hand to the back of Haiji's head, gently stroked his hair and kissed his crown as he pretended to not notice the moisture on his shoulder.
They stayed like that for what felt like hours.
"Baby," Kakeru whispered as Haiji was starting to fight the heaviness of his eyelids, "you should lay down if you're going to sleep."
"Hhhmm, no. We should watch the fireworks."
Kakeru tried to argue, but Haiji wouldn't change his mind. He carefully got up and Kakeru joined him. Haiji's eyes were a bit swollen, but he could still see just fine. Kakeru wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and Haiji pulled him against his side.
"I feel great now, I think we definitely could've gone today."
Kakeru laughed at that and it made Haiji smile.
He was so happy he found Kakeru, so happy that Kakeru found him.
That they found each other.
They stared at the colorful sky until there was nothing left to see except for the stars, nothing left to hear except for their own breathing. And even then they kept looking.
They crawled back into bed when Haiji started shivering. Kakeru pulled the covers over both of them and Haiji immediately wrapped his arms around Kakeru.
Haiji still didn't feel great, his head still hurt, he still hadn't eaten anything and his damned eyeballs were honestly hurting more than this morning. But at least Kakeru was still here too, so how bad could he really feel?