Chapter Text
The heavy wooden door that guarded the church’s entrance fell shut with a loud thud. The creaking of the old metal hinges reverberated through the holy halls. The only noise beside it being the wind howling outside and the thunder rumbling above. It seemed like that last moment of calm before hell was about to break loose.
Gilbert took a deep, shaky breath. He reached out to the holy water font and crossed himself with closed eyes. Every step he took towards the altar caused an echo to compete with the rumbling of the thunderstorm coming closer. The noise felt deafening in these empty halls.
Blood and sweat dropped from his garment and cape onto the spotless marble floor. He wiped away the tears and rain from his face, ending up with another wet spot on his sleeve. Back in other days Gilbert wouldn’t have dared so much as to enter a church in anything other than Sunday clothes and freshly polished shoes. But since the war started and desperate visits like this had become more and more frequent, Gilbert had become more and more indifferent about it.
More territory lost. Another unit with no one but him returning from the battlefield. By now Gilbert should be used to the pain that losing the men by his side caused, but it never seemed to get any easier. Was this supposed to be a challenge? Was he being tested? Or was this some cruel punishment?
Gilbert strode down the church corridor towards the sanctuary. He clenched his fist thinking about how it always seemed to end up like this. In the end it was always just him and God.
Instead of the pews Gilbert chose the marble stairs leading from the nave up to the sanctuary to fall onto his knees. The God he was praying to would understand that this was just him trying to feel closer to Him and not an act of disrespect. Or so Gilbert told himself.
He folded his hands and with his gaze lifted up to the tabernacle he spoke a prayer for his fallen comrades.
The cold radiating from the marble floor crept through his clothes but Gilbert’s body, and to some degree even his mind, had become numb from both the physical and mental pain that followed nearly one year of war.
With his eyes closed and his head hanging low he mumbled three Ave Maria’s, crossing himself after each one.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and in the hour of our death. Amen.
Tears began to stream from Gilbert's eyes down his cheeks and dripped onto his entwined fingers. Tinted red from the blood they washed from his hands they ended up soiling the white tiles beneath him.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and in the hour of our death. Amen.
The temperature suddenly dropped by another few degrees and Gilbert shivered. Every word that left his lips became visible with his breath. He could feel someone's eyes on him, feel them watch him.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and in the hour of our death. Amen.
After the third prayer was spoken, Gilbert guided the rosary hanging around his neck to his lips. He kissed the cross once, then lifted the rosary from his neck and clutched it with both his hands, sobbing quietly. The sound of his quiet cries were predominated by another ear-splitting roll of thunder. It also overshadowed the snickering coming from the altar in front of him.
Without seeing or hearing him, Gilbert knew he wasn’t alone anymore. It was always the same. The sudden freezing cold. The feeling of being watched, observed even. Gilbert never dared to open his eyes in the demon's presence, fearing consequences that he wasn’t sure what they would be.
Why, dear God? Why? Why do we have to keep losing? Our land, our men, our dignity,... Is there even anything else we could lose? Maybe our sanity… Is this a devine test? Am I to prove my faith? If so… I still come here. I still fight and I still endure all this pain. What else am I to do? How else can I prove my loyalty to you? If you hear me, God, if you are there, if you are listening-
A violent sob made Gilbert’s entire form shake. He was hunched over the rosary clutched in his hands and carefully eased his grip so as not to break the wooden cross. Another shiver ran down his spine as he felt a freezing cold creep under his skin.
“I hear you’re looking for God.”
The voice was almost mocking in tune but there was an honest curiosity underlying.
Gilbert opened his eyes but didn’t look up. He felt drawn to do so, almost as if the creature wanted him to avert his gaze from the rosary in his hand. But that was only another reason for Gilbert not to do so.
Arthur sighed and jumped on the altar, taking a seat on the front edge to get a good look of the pathetic human form in front of it. Who did he even think he was? Kneeling on the stairs leading to the sanctuary, right in front of the altar, instead of the pews where he belonged.
“Well, I can show you the way. Just as long as you can pay for the price.”
Arthur giggled, amused about himself. Maybe it wouldn’t be exactly the kind of way to God that the mortal was hoping for, but it wasn’t a lie, was it? Getting God to notice you through committing various sins? It was a way. And it came with a price.
Gilbert pressed his eyes shut. Not this again. When had it been that Arthur started showing up during his prayers? A few months? A year? Who even knew anymore. All Gilbert knew was that this creature, Arthur, was not to be trusted. He never dared to look at him and intended to keep it this way. In his imagination the demon was a hellish being with horns and flaming eyes, but he was not willing to find out the truth anytime soon.
“Come on, I know you want to look at me. Aren’t you curious? Very impolite, not looking at the one talking to you.”
Can he read my thoughts now too? Is nothing sacred anymore? Please, dear God, if you hear me-
“Of course I can read your thoughts! It’s about time you realise that. It got easier the more time I spent around you though.”
Arthur opened the bible lying next to him on the altar and thumbed through it. Every page he touched was left scorching until he let go of the book entirely.
The smell of burned paper mixed with a strong sulphuric scent wavered through the air. At their first encounter Gilbert had been appalled by the smell reminding him of rotten eggs. But by now it was starting to become not only familiar but even a little calming. His face burned with shame for even having a thought like this and because now he knew that Arthur was also aware of the way he felt.
“So, what do you say, Gilbert?”
The use of his name made him wince. From a demon's mouth even his own name sounded like a slur. Gilbert gritted his teeth and again pressed a kiss to the cross on his rosary. How could this fiend even know a way to God?
“Do you want me to help you? It’s just two little words. Come on, say ‘I do’ and I promise to show you not only one, but every way to get closer to your beloved God.”
Arthur flipped the bible shut with the pointed tip of his tail. Using it as a pillow he laid down on the altar.
If this is part of you testing my faith… I won’t fail you. I’m trusting in my faith and I know I can resist any temptation as long as I believe. Dear God-
“Can you quit that? I can still hear you, Gilbert. Even if you don’t talk to me. And you never even spared me a look. I’m not the ugly monster you imagine, I swear to… I mean… whatever… I’m a demon, but I’m not some hideous creature! I’m a little offended that you would even think that.”
Please…
“Stop praying!” Arthur snapped and threw the burning bible next to Gilbert on the floor. The flames were extinguished before the tattered remnants of the book even touched the marble floor. “It’s been months since the mighty man helped you the last time. What makes you think he will care now?”
“I don’t know!” As if on cue a roll of thunder echoed through the church halls. Gilbert was breathing heavily and his voice was raspy from the sobs that still kept making his body jerk.
“Oh?” Arthur raised an eyebrow and a devilish smile tugged at the corner of his lip. He seemed satisfied with Gilbert's answer and that he talked to him at all. Now he had him where he wanted him. “You don't know? And you dare to call yourself faithful? A disciple even? You’re nothing but a hypocrite.”
Again there was this biting cold that made Gilbert shake. Did he fail to let Arthur’s words recoil? The tears streaming down his cheeks burned like liquid fire on his ice cold skin. Gilbert wondered if they would burn through his flesh before they could make their way down to his chin.
“I like you Gilbert. That’s why I want to tell you something” Arthur hopped from the altar and leaned against it with his arms folded. The altar cloth was left covered in grime in every place Arthur had touched it. “We are not so different! I’ve been like you. Young, faithful, god-fearing… but just like you, I lost my belief after having been let down one time too often.”
Gilbert tried to argue but there was hardly anything to say. “I’m- I’m not-”
“Of course you are. Stop lying, that's a sin, you know?”
Arthurs laugh replaced the sound of the thunder rumbling. It was melodic and not what Gilbert expected. Oh god, what was he thinking? But he was not losing his faith, was he? He was not a hypocrite, right? This is just a little downtime like it happens in a lot of relationships. Why not between God and him?
“Oh Gilbert, I bet your laugh is pretty, too. Though, I’m not sure what you had expected? I’m not the devil. I’m probably more human than you would think I am… I’m just like you. A man who was let down by the God he had spent his entire life worshipping” Arthur shrugged. “And then I found someone else who rewarded the praise I have to give.”
Gilbert took a shuddering breath. He didn’t like to admit it. He hated to admit it and despised himself for it. But Arthur was not entirely wrong.
“I knew you would understand it one day. Took you longer than what I was hoping for. The mighty man doesn’t care about how often you visit this place, how many hours you spend on your knees praying and worshipping.” Arthur shrugged. “In the end it's all part of a plan only He knows about. Ineffable, they call it.”
Every single one of Arthur’s words stung in Gilbert's chest as if he was stabbed right through his heart. His entire life, he had lived it in a way he believed would please the Lord. Just to have a filthy demon tell him now that his efforts were in vain. After nearly a year of losing battles and countless men Gilbert wasn’t even surprised anymore. He was furious he didn’t realise it earlier.
Arthur watched the way Gilbert's body shook and how the tears dropped onto the marble floor. He couldn’t suppress a snicker.
Gilbert took a few deep breaths to calm himself down and properly folded his hands around the cross on his rosary.
Dear, whoever even listens to me… If the words of this filthy demon are really to be believed… If I cannot change anything… If I’m fighting a hopeless battle both out there on the battlefield and here, in these halls I believe to be holy… Please, give me a sign.
Again, Arthur’s melodic laugh filled the empty church and made Gilbert forget about the thunderstorm happening outside. Gilbert wiped the tears from his eyes and lifted his head up towards the sky.
“Lord help me.”
Gilbert crossed himself one more time, clinging to the last bit of faith he had left before opening his eyes. Slowly, he let his gaze wander down from the altarpiece to the tabernacle until he saw the demonic creature lounging at the altar. Their eyes met, Arthur’s poisonous green eyes, glistening mischievously, meeting red-ish purple irises, blurry from the tears welling up in Gilbert's eyes.
Just at that moment, a single sunray found its way through the clouds and the church window, illuminating Arthur in the way Gilbert had always imagined an angel would look like.
But this was not the angel with feathery wings and golden halo Gilbert hoped for. It was a demon with a slender, pointed tail, bat-like wings and black horns crowning his head. And he was laughing at Gilbert's misery.
So this is it…
Gilbert tossed the rosary towards Arthur and clenched both his fists. He banged one fist on the cold floor and collapsed, crying. His wails reverberated through the building and he didn’t notice the smoke ascending from the discarded rosary.
Arthur ogled him with a satisfied look. Humming, he made his way over to Gilbert who was mourning the loss of his God and his faith. Arthur couldn’t deny that he did feel proud of his work as he crouched down next to his victim. It didn’t happen every day that a believer fell for his temptation.
The marble floor was ice cold, but Gilbert was too numb to notice it. He didn’t even feel the pain in his chest anymore. The only thing he felt while he was letting out all the pain his God caused him, was a warm hand on his head and fingers slowly carding through his hair.