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Jack was not pathetic. He’d told himself this at least twenty times as he’d been pacing the Haus kitchen, waiting for Bitty to get back from class. This was completely rational and dignified behavior, and not in any way a desperate attempt at an excuse to spend some more time with Bitty. Because what would he need an excuse like that for, anyway? Bitty was his teammate, and his friend, and he slept in the room across the hall, and Jack saw him every day. It wasn’t any different than his friendships with the others. And Jack was doing this because he actually wanted to, and he actually needed Bitty’s help, and that was all there was to it. And he wasn’t sure why he was having such a hard time convincing the annoying little voice in his head of that.
Finally, he heard the door open, and Bitty appeared in the hall outside the kitchen, pausing to look at something on his phone with a smile on his face. “Bittle.” Jack said quickly, in a tone that he hoped came off as casual. “There you are. I’ve been waiting.”
Bitty looked up in mild surprise. “Oh, hi Jack.” He said, walking into the kitchen. “Sorry, I got side-tracked on the way back from class.” He dropped his bag into one of the chairs at the table and looked at his phone again.
“It’s not important or anything.” Jack said. “I was just hoping to talk to you about something.”
After a moment, Bitty looked up from his phone, a big smile on his face. “Sure! Okay, but first I’ve got to tell you about what happened just a few minutes ago, because if I don’t tell someone about it, I’ll just about burst.”
Jack couldn’t help but smile back. “Okay, go ahead. What happened?”
“A boy asked me out.” Bitty said, his eyes shining with excitement. “Like, on a date.”
It took all of Jack’s willpower not the let the smile melt off his face. “Oh, really?” He asked with what he estimated to be an appropriate level of interest. “That’s great, Bittle. Who is he?”
“His name is Danny. We’ve had a couple of classes together, so I’ve talked to him a few times. I ran into him as I was walking back here, and we stopped and got to talking, and he asked me if I wanted to get dinner this weekend! Can you believe it?”
Yes. Quite frankly, the fact that there weren’t constantly guys throwing themselves at Bitty had always mystified Jack. What was there not to like about Bitty? How could you talk to him for more than thirty seconds and not be completely smitten?
You know, if you were in the market for that sort of thing. Which Jack very much was not.
“So are you going to go out with him?” He asked Bitty.
“Yeah! We’re just finalizing the details now.” Bitty replied, glancing at his phone again. “I mean, I know I don’t date that much, but I figure, why not? He seems super sweet, and he’s funny, and oh my god, Jack, you should see him, he’s gorgeous. I…I mean…” He seemed to catch himself, “Not that I expect you to care about that last part.”
Right. Sweet. Funny. Gorgeous. Why shouldn’t Bitty go out with him? They were probably going to get married and have a bunch of kids, and Jack would just be the weird hockey uncle who came over for dinner once or twice a year. Not that he should be bothered by that, right? What else did he expect?
It was also clear that, despite what Jack knew he had heard at the Epikegster, Bitty was trying not to make any assumptions about Jack possibly not being as straight as he pretended to be, judging by the “not that I expect you to care about that last part” comment. Jack supposed he should be grateful for that. It didn’t make the moment any less awkward, though.
Bitty rescued him from having to respond by speaking again. “Anyway, enough about me. What is it you wanted to talk about?”
Oh, yeah. “Oh, um…it’s my mother’s birthday.” Jack said.
Bitty stared at him blankly for a moment. “Okay.” He said finally. “Tell her happy birthday. But what does that have to do with me?”
“I never know what to get her.” Jack said. “But she loved hearing about that pie you and I made for our class, and I thought…well, a pie would probably be too hard to ship, but I found this cookie recipe and I thought I’d make some and send them to her.”
Bitty’s face broke out into a grin. “Aw, Jack, that’s so sweet.” He said. “Baking for your mother’s birthday. I think I’m rubbing off on you.”
Jack privately thought so too. “But you know how useless I am in the kitchen.” He said. “So, I was hoping that maybe you would help me?”
“Of course I will!” Bitty said enthusiastically. “You know I never need any pushing to take on a baking project.”
The tension that Jack hadn’t realized had gathered in his shoulders dissipated. “Great.” He said. “I found the recipe online, I’ll send it to you.”
“Can’t wait.” Bitty told him. “I’ll make a baker out of you yet, Mr. Zimmermann.”
He grabbed his bag and walked out of the kitchen, and Jack watched him go, a happy feeling of contentment rushing through him.
“Oh, these are perfect!”
Jack looked over at Bitty, who had just taken the cookies out of the oven while Jack finished with the dishes. He set the baking sheet on top of the stove and took his oven-mitts off. “You know, Jack, I think we make a good team.” He said cheerfully. His smile was infectious.
“On the ice and in the kitchen.” Jack agreed. “Although I think most of the credit for this one goes to you.”
“Oh, hush.” Bitty said. “Your mother is going to love them. I mean, assuming she likes Snickerdoodles. Which I’m assuming she does, if that’s the recipe you picked.”
Huh. Jack probably should have verified that. Oh well, too late now. “Thanks for your help, Bittle.” He said.
Bitty smiled at him. “No problem, Jack. It was fun.” He glanced at his phone. “Oh lord, is that the time? Sorry, Jack, I have to go. I’ve gotta get ready!”
“Get ready for what?” Jack asked as he dried his hands.
“My date! Danny’s gonna be here in like ten minutes to pick me up. I completely lost track of time.” Bitty said. Jack felt the happiness leave him like a balloon being deflated.
“Oh.” He said. “Well…we’re pretty much done here, right? Go ahead, go.”
Bitty nodded. “Let the cookies cool for a minute, and then put them in a container before the team gets to them, or you know they’ll be gone in an instant.” He advised. “And if Danny shows up before I came back downstairs, let him come in and wait, and tell him I’ll be out in a minute.” And with that, he dashed upstairs, and Jack was left standing alone in the middle of the kitchen.
This was stupid. There was no reason why he shouldn’t be totally happy for Bitty. He knew he’d had trouble finding anyone he was interested in; he’d heard him venting about it to Lardo only a few weeks before. And he seemed really excited about this guy. Jack was his friend. He was supposed to be supportive. So why did the thought irritate him so much?
He followed Bitty’s advice and was just finishing putting the cookies in a tupperware container when there was a knock on the door. He froze. “I’ll get it!” He heard Shitty call from the living room. “Probably Bitty’s date, right?” Jack didn’t find his voice to answer.
He heard the front door open. “Hi. I’m here for Eric?” A new voice said.
“Sure, come in.” Shitty said. “He said you were coming. He’ll be down in a minute.”
Jack decided it would be weird if they were to enter the kitchen and find him frozen over a plastic container of cookies, so he brushed the cinnamon-sugar off his hands and wandered out into the hallway.
God-damn it, Bitty was right. He was gorgeous.
“Oh, Jack.” Shitty said when he noticed him. “There you are. I knew you were around here somewhere.”
Bitty’s date smiled at him. “Hey, I’m Danny.” He said. He seemed open and friendly and polite; the kind of person he would expect Bitty to gravitate towards.
Jack, somewhat irrationally, decided he didn’t like him. “Jack Zimmermann.” He said stiffly, hoping his tone didn’t come across as too hostile.
“Jack’s our captain, and don’t worry, he’s not really a people person. It’s not you.” Shitty said. He shook Danny’s hand. “And I’m Shitty.”
Danny raised his eyebrows at him. “You’re…what?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Shitty dismissed. “Do you want a beer or something?”
“No thanks.” Danny said. “It’s cool to meet you both. I’ve been to a few of your games this year. You guys are great.”
“Thanks.” Shitty said. “Bitty is an important part of how great we are. Right, Jack?” He turned to Jack and gave him a look that clearly said he was supposed to talk Bitty up. Not that it would difficult.
“Oh, yeah.” Jack said. “Bittle’s indispensable.”
“Do you follow hockey?” Shitty asked Danny.
Danny nodded. “Yeah, I’m a fan. I don’t play, myself – honestly, I can’t skate to save my life – but I enjoy the game. That was how Eric and I first got to know each other, actually. We got to talking about hockey after class.”
Of course he was a hockey fan too. Just to make him and Bitty a better match.
“S’awesome.” Shitty said. “Well, I’m sure you and Bitty will have a great time. And don’t be shy around here. Any friend of Bitty’s is a friend of ours.” Then he grabbed Danny’s shoulder and said, much more seriously, “But on the other side of that same coin, Bitty is very important to us, and if you hurt him in any way, shape, or form, the entire Samwell Man’s Hockey team will come for your blood. Right, Jack?”
Jack nodded. “Right.” He said.
Danny looked slightly terrified, but was saved from having to say anything by Bitty coming down the stairs. “Shitty, leave him alone.” He said. “Sorry about that, Danny. Ignore them, they’re really harmless.”
“Hey, Eric.” Danny said once Shitty had let go of him. “You look great.”
(He did. He really fucking did.)
Bitty blushed. “Thanks. You too.” He said. “These two weren’t giving you too much trouble, were they?”
“I think it was mostly a standard shakedown.” Danny said. “Gotta make sure I’m up to scratch and everything, right?”
“Damn straight.” Shitty agreed. “He passes my inspection for now, though. Jack?”
“Hmm?” Jack asked, snapping his attention back from trying to subtly stare at Bitty. “Oh, sure. Yeah. He seems fine.” And that was true, as far as he could tell. Jack didn’t have any real justification for the immediate dislike he had developed towards Danny. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with him.
Bitty must have picked up on his lack of enthusiasm, because he frowned and said, “You alright, Jack?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jack mumbled. Shitty gave him an odd look, but he shrugged it off.
Bitty turned to Danny. “Well, should we go?”
“Sure.” Danny replied with a smile. “It was good to meet you.” He added to Shitty and Jack as Bitty grabbed his coat.
“You too.” Shitty said. Jack just nodded.
“I’ll see ya’ll tonight.” Bitty promised.
“Have fun.” Shitty said.
Bitty glanced over at Jack, still looking a little concerned. “Bye, Jack.”
“Bye, Bittle.” Jack said. He watched as Danny held out his hand, and Bitty took it. The two of them walked out of the Haus, pulling the door closed behind them.
Shitty turned to Jack. “Danny seems nice.” He said.
“Yeah, he seems great.” Jack sighed. “I’ve got to…finish putting away the cookies.” He turned without another word and walked back into the kitchen.
Once he was out of sight from Shitty, he paused and looked out the kitchen window to see Bitty and Danny walking down the sidewalk. Bitty was talking animatedly, making enthusiastic gestures with one hand while his other hand was still holding Danny’s. It was infuriatingly sweet, and Jack really, really wished he was Danny.
He blinked, surprised by his own train of thought. But that was it, wasn’t it? He didn’t like Danny because he wanted to be the one spending time with Bitty. He wanted to take Danny’s place. Because…oh.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
Jack hadn’t been able to focus on anything that evening. He had given up on homework, and the book he was trying to read, and the Falconers game that he’d wanted to watch (because he was trying to follow their season as closely as possible; he hadn’t said out loud that they were his first choice yet, but he was pretty sure that they were). Every time he tried to do anything, he found himself restless and distracted. He finally gave up and climbed out of his bedroom window to sit out on the roof with his thoughts.
Was it bad that he hadn’t realized he was in love with Bitty until now?
Was it bad that he was already comfortable attaching to word “love” to feelings he’d only known about for a couple of hours?
Was there any chance at all that Bitty felt even a whisper of anything in return?
It was getting dark now. He should really go inside. He had been thinking that for the past ten minutes, and had yet to move. The thing that finally brought him out of his thoughts and back to reality was the sound of a knock at his door.
“Jack?” Shitty’s voice called. “Can I come in?”
Jack thought about going to talk to him, but he still couldn’t will himself to do anything. He stayed quiet, hoping that Shitty would assume he had fallen asleep or something and leave. He should have known that wouldn’t work. He heard the door open, and silently scolded himself for forgetting to lock it. “Jack?” Shitty asked again. A moment later, Shitty stuck his head through the window and looked at him. “There you are, oh great brooding one.”
“I’m not brooding.” Jack grumbled.
Shitty snorted. “Right.” He said. “Everyone’s watching TV downstairs. We thought maybe you’d want to join. If you’re not busy. Which it seems like you’re not.”
“No thanks.” Jack said. Shitty watched him for a moment, and then sighed and climbed out onto the roof to join him. Jack glanced at him. “I thought you just said you were watching TV with the guys.”
“They won’t miss me for a few minutes.” Shitty dismissed. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
There was silence for a few seconds. “Nothing.” Jack said finally. “I’m fine.”
“Bullshit.” Shitty said. “I know you. That is not your ‘I’m fine’ face. That’s your ‘something’s bothering me but I don’t know how to deal with it’ face. Come on. Talk.”
Jack sighed. “Really, it’s not a big deal.” He said. “I’ll be okay.”
“Jack, if you’re waiting for me to give up and leave, you’re going to be waiting for a while.” Shitty told him. “I can sit here all night. You can talk whenever you’re ready.”
Jack groaned. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his forehead against them. “I’m…not good with my…feelings.” He stuttered out finally.
“Oh, trust me, my friend, I know that.” Shitty said. “That’s okay, though. Feelings can be messy.” He looked at Jack, who was still hiding his face. “What kind of feelings are we talking about here?” He asked. Jack didn’t respond. Shitty hesitated, and then asked cautiously, “Is this about Bitty?”
Jack whipped his head up in alarm and looked at Shitty, wide-eyed. “I…I…what makes you think that?”
“Well, maybe I wouldn’t have.” Shitty said. “But I witnessed that little performance when his date got here. You looked at that perfectly nice guy with an expression I’ve only ever seen you give opponents on the ice. I’m surprised he didn’t run off in terror.” Jack sighed and hung his head again. That was all the confirmation Shitty needed. “Holy shit.” He said. “You…holy shit.”
“Please don’t tell anyone.” Jack pleaded quietly.
“Brah, come on. It’s me. Of course I won’t tell anyone.” Shitty said, almost wounded that Jack would think otherwise. “Your secret’s safe with me, man.”
After a couple seconds, Jack said, “So, when Danny was here, I…it wasn’t, like, subtle?”
Shitty smiled a little. “Jack, I’m going to be brutally honest with you here.” He said. “Subtlety is not one of your strengths.” Jack couldn't help the laugh that escaped him, his shoulders shaking, and Shitty’s smile widened as he laughed as well. “So,” He said when the laughter had died down, “How long?”
Jack raised his head. “Um, I don’t know, exactly? I guess…a while, I think. Like I said, I’m not good with my feelings. But I think my feelings started changing a few months ago. Maybe longer. I just…didn’t realize it, until…well, today.”
Shitty whistled. “You’ve had a big day, then.” He said. Jack hummed in agreement. “Bitty’s a great guy, Jack.” Shitty went on. “And honestly? I can see it. You and him. After the thing with Danny today, I was kicking myself for not putting it together sooner. I knew you guys were getting close.”
“Well, if I couldn’t figure it out, I don’t see why you should be expected to.” Jack grumbled.
“Okay.” Shitty said. “You’re feeling vulnerable right now. That’s totally valid. And I’m honored that you’re trusting me with this. But what’s all the brooding for?”
Jack frowned at him. “Have you not been listening to anything I’ve said?”
“Jack, you’re in love.” Jack’s breath caught. “Okay, big emotional revelation, you need a moment to collect yourself. I get it. But, Jack…this isn’t a bad thing. You’re in love with an amazing guy who thinks the world of you. That doesn’t seem like it should call for sitting outside alone in the dark and feeling sorry for yourself.”
Jack sighed. “I mean, maybe if I had figured it out sooner it wouldn’t. But he’s on date with someone else right now, Shits. I missed my chance.”
Shitty scoffed. “Jack, he’s just going on a first date. And sure, if he comes back and says he just had the best night of his life and he’s crazy about this guy, don’t be a dick about it. You’ll have to respect that. But people go on first dates that don’t lead to anything all the time. He’s not getting married. I think you’re still going to have your chance. Because Danny seems nice and all, but between you and me, I think Bitty’s had his eye on someone else for a while. Even if he’s trying not to.”
Jack’s heart sank. Of course there was someone else. A boy that cute, sweet, and talented? How could there not? “Right.” He said. “Sure. Well, there you go then.”
Shitty gave him an exasperated look. “Oh my god, Jack.”
It took a moment, but Jack caught his meaning, and immediately felt his cheeks flush. “What, me? N-no, I don’t think- “
“Jack.” Shitty said firmly. “Bitty’s not great at being subtle either. I mean, fuck, the way he looks at you?”
“He’s Bitty. He looks at everyone like that.”
“No, Jack. He doesn’t.”
Jack’s head was spinning a little. The idea that Bitty could reciprocate his feelings was almost more than he had dared to hope for when he’d been sitting out there on his own. “But…he’s on a date. He’s talked about trying to date other people.”
“Well, he probably doesn’t think that being with you is an option that’s on the table.” Shitty pointed out. “You haven’t exactly offered it. Maybe you should, and see what he says.”
Jack was quiet for a long time. Shitty waited patiently, until finally Jack said, “That’s not the only issue, though. I’m not gonna be here all that much longer. Within a few months, our relationship would have to be long-distance. I mean, sure, Providence isn’t that far, but- “
“Providence?” Shitty asked in surprise.
Oops. “Yeah. I mean, I think so. Probably. Don’t tell anyone about that either.”
“I won’t.” Shitty promised, a grin spreading across his face. “Holy shit. Providence. Am I officially the first person who knows where Jack Zimmermann is going to sign?” Jack smiled a little and gave a small shrug. “Brah…that’s awesome. Anyway, sorry. Keep going.”
“Okay, Providence isn’t that far. But that wouldn’t be the only complication that would come with being in a relationship with me.” Jack said. “I mean, it would have to be a secret. For a while, anyway. I can’t ask him to do that.”
“Maybe you should give him the chance to decide.” Shitty pointed out. “Instead of making all these decisions for him, without even letting him know they exist.”
Jack swallowed hard. “Yes, but…then I have to tell him.” He said, a knot forming in his stomach at the very thought.
Shitty smiled. “Ah, yes. Well, I don’t have a solution for that. Taking a chance and admitting your feelings is always going to be hard. But sometimes you just have to take the plunge.”
He was right. Jack knew that. That didn’t make him feel any less nervous about it.
The rest of the evening had passed uneventfully. Shitty had eventually left Jack alone after their talk, and Jack had finally dragged himself back into his room. He felt a little better, having gotten the barrage of thoughts and feelings off his chest, and he took another stab at the homework he had tried to do earlier. Shitty had popped back in a while later and said that he and the others were going out for the night – something about the volleyball team throwing a party – and invited Jack to come along, but Jack, predictably, said no. So, with everybody else gone, quiet had fallen over the Haus, and Jack actually got some work done.
He had just saved the draft of the paper he was writing when a growl from his stomach reminded him that he had basically skipped dinner. He rubbed his eyes, dry from staring at a computer screen for hours, and checked the time. It was after eleven now. As good a time as any to go down to the kitchen and find something to eat.
Jack knew that everyone had left, and he was met with only silence when he emerged from his room and headed down the hall, so he didn’t expect to find anyone downstairs. And he didn’t, at first. The living room was empty. Then he walked into the kitchen, and he stopped short. “Bittle?”
Bitty was sitting at the table, eating a piece of a pie he had made the day before. He looked up in surprise. “Oh.” He said. “Hi Jack.”
“I didn’t think you were here.” Jack said with a frown. “I didn’t hear you come home.”
Bitty shrugged. “I was quiet.” He said. “Where did everyone else disappear to?”
“Some party.”
“Oh. Right.” Bitty said. “Makes sense.”
He didn’t have his usual bright energy to him, Jack noted. He seemed…sad. Jack hesitated, and then asked, “How was your date?”
After a moment, Bitty gave a small shrug. “It was fine.” He said. “You know, we went to dinner. Saw a movie. First date stuff.” He played with the last bit of pie on his plate with his fork, not looking like he had any real desire to eat it (even though Jack happened to know for a fact that it was delicious). Jack frowned.
“You guys didn’t stay out very late.”
“Yeah. I told him I had to get up early for practice tomorrow.”
This was technically, in a sort of roundabout way, true, because the two of them did have checking practice planned for tomorrow morning, but that had never stopped Bitty from staying out late on a Saturday night before. He usually preferred to just complain to Jack about having to get up the next morning and then fuel himself with coffee. It sounded more like an excuse to go home early than an actual reason. Jack’s frown deepened, and after a moment of internal debate he walked over and sat down with Bitty at the table. “Did something happen?” He asked seriously, thinking that if Danny had done anything to make Bitty upset, he would be the first in line to beat him to death with a hockey stick.
Bitty sighed in frustration and dropped his fork onto the plate with a soft clatter. “No. Nothing happened. That’s sorta the problem.” Jack must have looked confused, because Bitty went on, “It was a perfectly nice time. And Danny’s a great guy, everything I could ask for, and he was a perfect gentleman the whole night, and he seemed interested in me and everything, and it should have been perfect, but there was no spark. We just didn’t…click.”
“Oh.” Jack said, hoping he looked sympathetic and not selfishly thrilled. “I mean, that’s okay, Bittle. You’re not going to have chemistry with everyone. That’s not how it works. There doesn’t have to be something wrong for him for you to decide that it’s just not right.”
“I don’t know.” Bitty said. “I try not to set my standards unreasonably high or anything. I just…I want someone I can just be with. Someone who I can open up to, and who I feel like understands me. Someone who’s just easy for me to talk to. You know what I mean? Is that expecting too much?”
Jack knew exactly what he meant, and he was pretty sure he was experiencing it right now. “No, I think that’s okay.” He said faintly. “I think that’s…something you should want.”
“I honestly thought we were gonna hit it off more.” Bitty said, looking disappointed. “I really wanted to like him. I’ve never tried so hard to click with someone in my whole life.”
“Don’t feel bad.” Jack advised. “It’s not your fault, or his. It happens. That’s sort of how it went with me and Camilla.”
“I know.” Bitty groaned. “But…I was really hoping…” He sighed. “Oh, it doesn’t matter.”
“No, come on. Hoping for what?” Jack asked.
Bitty hesitated, as though debating whether he should answer or not. “I…so…it’s…there’s this guy.” He settled on finally. “This guy I know, who I…like. I mean…god, that sounds so childish, doesn’t it? I mean, like, I have feelings for him. Have for a while. But…it’s not gonna happen. I know it’s not gonna happen. And I figure, I shouldn’t keep pining over him forever. So, I thought maybe, if I could find someone else I liked, then it would help me…move on. But it wasn’t the same. I went on a whole date with Danny and didn’t feel a fraction of what I feel just being in a room with this guy.”
Jack’s heart had started beating very fast. His naturally anxious instincts were to assume that he was talking about some stranger, who was probably the perfect man and better than Jack in every way. But Shitty had been insistent that Bitty returned Jack’s feelings. So, cautiously, he allowed himself a sliver of hope. “I’m sorry, Bittle.” He said. “That sucks. That guy…doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
Bitty shrugged sullenly. “It’s not his fault.” He said quietly. “It’s…complicated.”
Jack chewed on the inside of his cheek for a few seconds, and then decided to go for it. “I know how you feel.” He said. “I’m…sort of in the same boat.”
Bitty looked at him with surprise. “Huh?” He asked.
“Yeah.” Jack said, averting his eyes and weaving his fingers together self-consciously. “I recently – very recently – realized that I have feelings for…someone. It kind of snuck up on me, if I’m being honest. I was oblivious for a long time. But I know how I feel now. I just don’t know how they feel. I don’t even know if…” He took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “…if he knows I’m bi.”
He risked a glance at Bitty, who was still looking at him, his gorgeous eyes wider than Jack had ever seen them. “Jack…” He began, but he trailed off, so Jack kept going.
“I mean, he might suspect.” He said. “I know that he’s…heard some stuff. Stuff that would be hard to explain otherwise. But maybe he doesn’t want to make assumptions. Or maybe he knows, but he’s just not interested. I don’t know, and I’m afraid of screwing it up. But I do know what you mean. Just being around him makes me happy. And he’s easy to talk to. I don’t open up to people easily, but I feel like I can talk to him about anything. Like…like right now.” He glanced at Bitty again, and he was still watching him. There was something about the look on his face that gave Jack a boost of courage, and he reached out and curled his fingers around Bitty’s hand that was resting on the table.
Bitty looked down at their hands, and then up at Jack’s face again. “Jack,” He said, his voice remarkably steady, given the circumstances, “If you’re trying to say…what I think you’re trying to say…then just say it. Please.”
For the first time since he had started talking, Jack felt a moment of self-doubt. What if Shitty was wrong, and Bitty was in love with someone else, and Jack was about to experience the most humiliating moment of his life? But it was too late to back out now. “It’s you, Bitty.” He said. “I-I have feelings for you. That’s how I feel. How do you feel?”
It was a moment before Bitty answered, which almost gave Jack a heart attack, but then he looked at Bitty and saw the big smile on his face. “Do you want to get coffee or something tomorrow?” He asked.
Jack blinked, and then smiled back. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He said.
“Good.” Bitty said. “Because I have feelings for you too.” There was a pause as they both smiled at each other, and then Bitty said, “You can kiss me if you want.”
Jack had never wanted anything so much in his life.
He leaned forward and kissed him, and Bitty kissed him back, and the next thing Jack knew Bitty was on his lap to get a better angle, and Jack could have died happy right there. The kisses eventually devolved into delirious giggling, and Bitty wrapped his arms around Jack and clung to his shoulder. “Was that enough of a spark for you?” Jack asked.
Bitty grinned. “Oh, honey.” He said breathlessly. “More than enough.”
Honey. Okay, now Jack could die happy.
But, being Jack, he couldn’t help but feel apprehensive again. “Bitty.” He said as Bitty started trailing kisses along his neck. “Bits. Wait.”
Bitty paused and raised his head so they could look at each other properly. “What’s wrong?” He asked with a frown.
“I need you to be sure about this.” Jack said. “I need you to realize exactly what you’re taking on here. I’m going to start playing for the NHL later this year. That’s going to bring complications. I don’t want you to sign up for anything that you don’t want. I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting it.”
Bitty tilted his head and pressed their foreheads together. “Jack.” He said softly. “I’m not an idiot. I know. Even in my fantasies I always knew what a relationship with you would mean. I know it’s not always going to be easy. But…I’m ready to give it a try if you are. You’re worth it.”
Jack felt the smile come back to his face, and he kissed him. “Okay.” He said. He kissed him again, and said, “Okay, let’s do it. You’re worth it too.” He didn’t say “I love you”, because it felt too soon to drop something like that, but it was going to come out soon, because now that he had started telling Bitty how he felt he didn’t think he’d be able to stop. “I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out.” Jack said. “I’ll make up for it, I promise.”
A few more kisses were exchanged before Bitty said, “Not that I’m complaining, but what brought on this little revelation?”
Jack blushed a little. “Uh, honestly? Danny came to pick you up earlier, and I guess you could say I was kind of jealous. Okay, really jealous. It was kind of a wakeup call.”
Bitty snorted with laughter. “Danny asks me out, and pushes me right into the arms of the guy I’ve been pining over.” He said. “That poor boy. I should send him a consolation pie or something.”
“Hmm. Or a cake that says ‘Sorry, I’m taken’.”