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To nobody’s surprise, Dean is not good with his words.
Sure, he can apologize now because he has grown as a person who knows that his actions hurt those around him, he’s watching therapy videos on YouTube, but that’s nobody’s fucking business but his own. So he tries to make it up to those around him with newer actions. Actions he hopes will show how sorry he was and how much he cares about them because words…words get lost in his throat.
Sometimes he spends all day holding in an ‘I love you’ until he can finally whisper it to Cas while they’re in bed together. Enjoying the way Cas’s eyes light up against the light of the lamp that left shadows on his face that made him look older than he - no wait…Cas is old as dirt. He enjoyed that whenever he said the words, Cas would smile, so small and gentle that it always managed to make Dean dizzy before he would ask because Cas always asks, “Can I kiss you now?”
And whoever said consent wasn’t sexy has never heard Cas ask for a kiss before. Because it always managed to take his breath away. Hearing that raspy voice whisper out to him even though their hot breaths were already so close to each other. Seeing Cas wait patiently for Dean’s answer while he licked his lips and scooted so close that their body heat can keep them warm.
Dean always tried to act annoyed, but it never worked. His dumb expression probably gave away how fucking in love he really was. How much he is falling in love cause - fuck - Dean keeps falling.
“Yeah, Cas.”
And those words are always scary to say out loud. They sounded vulnerable and scared, but then Cas would lean in to softly peck at his lips until Dean loosened up. Until Dean finally started to kiss back, and soon enough, they were making out again. Cas enjoyed it so much the first time that it now became a bedtime routine.
Cas was always easier with words. Even knowing what Dean needed to hear at just the right time. Saying it so quietly, he knew it was only for Dean’s ears to hear.
“I love you,” Cas says in between kisses, and then his nose nuzzled against the side of Dean’s cheek. “So beautiful.”
“Cas.” Dean groaned because his boyfriend, yeah, they agreed on a term, along with partner, likes to get sappy in bed. “No talking.”
“But you are, Dean. Heart. Soul. Body. You are so beautiful.” Cas rolled Dean into his back while their lips glided together. Feeling the still new and exciting taste of Cas’s tongue in his mouth. It was still a little awkward, but Cas was getting better at it, and either way, it made Dean’s head spin just thinking about it.
Cas could always say these words so easily, falling out of his mouth like a damn poem sometimes, while Dean kept struggling. With words. With a public display of affection. With affection in general.
Though he is always the first one to initiate touch between them - Dean really likes walking Miracle with Cas’s hand in his - he still had a long way to go to feel fully comfortable in his own skin. Comfortable with a label, he was afraid to assign himself even though he had known since he was 16.
Thankfully Cas was nothing but patient.