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Hiiro watched as the water droplets slid down the window glass. That day they had planned to go out and jog around the garden for a change of air, but the water had ruined their plans.
He sighed in defeat, he would have to find something to do while he waited for the rain to stop.
He overheard Tatsumi and Mayoi talking about a type of makeup that had recently come on the market that seemed to hide any facial imperfections quite well. Hiiro listened attentively, even though the truth was that he was still having a hard time adjusting to all this new life as an idol. Having to keep fit wasn't a problem, but learning to sing and dance had been quite hard, besides learning a lot of new terms, habits of the city, meeting new people, going to high school... Hiiro was happy about that and the new knowledge, he absorbed it like a sponge, besides he liked learning new things... But it had been so much in such a short period of time, that sometimes he felt saturated.
A tired sigh brought him back to reality. He turned his gaze slightly and noticed Aira sitting next to him on the couch.
"Agh, how annoying... We can't do anything...," the blond stretched and then placed his arms crossed over the back of the couch, right in front of the window. "I'm going to sleep for a while, wake me up when the rain has stopped, okay?"
"Sure!"
Aira placed his head on his arms using them as a pillow and then closed his eyes. Hiiro watched his every move without losing detail.
His heartbeat accelerated, it was always the same when he was near the blond.
He placed his cheek on his hand and kept looking at him.
Aira was really cute. Hiiro couldn't help watching him whenever he could, he even once even crashed into a lamppost because he was watching the blond... Well, that wasn't a very cool memory, but he was sure that if he didn't start controlling himself, that wouldn't be an isolated case.
But, try as he might, he just couldn't. He felt the need to see it every time. It was quite ironic, because Aira was convinced that he never stood out and no one ever looked at him, but for Hiiro he was the only one who occupied his mind at all times.
For him, Aira was someone truly admirable. The blond never gave up, he had been chasing a dream since he was little and had given his all to achieve it, he had run into many walls and doors closing in his face, but he had continued... That seemed something impressive to the redhead, he didn't have a dream, a future goal that was so strong that he would be willing to leave his life to achieve it, his life was always to follow orders and what his people considered right, they had even chosen him a destiny and he had accepted it without protest. But not Aira, the people around him didn´t expect anything from him and yet, he had continued to fight to change his destiny....
His destiny... What was Hiiro's destiny? Was it destiny that brought them together?
He was grateful for having been able to meet his teammates and really great people in ES. He loved his senpais and the life he now had, he loved Anzu too and obviously his brother, but... Aira was different.
He loved him, but not like his senpais or his brother. Aira made him feel things that others didn't... When he saw those huge green eyes, he felt he forgot how to breathe, the words didn't come out of his mouth and his hands trembled nervously... If Aira smiled at him, Hiiro thought he could die right there due to the rapid beating of his heart and how his mind seemed to collapse and he forgot his own name.
Even with the simple brush of his hands, the red-haired boy had to take a few seconds to try and keep calm.
He sighed, so much had changed in their relationship in those months.
In the beginning, when they first met, Hiiro practically broke the distance between them through strength and effort, making it possible for the two of them to be friends. But Aira just needed to give him what he had been looking for for years and didn't know he needed: support.
It was a simple thing, but he wanted to cry when he realized it. His senpais also supported him and tucked him in like parents helping their child with life's difficulties. However, Tatsumi and Mayoi's support was completely parental, Aira's was different. If his senpais were the hands that helped him to get up, Aira was the light that illuminated his way.
They started out as friends who were forcefully united and little by little they began to understand each other better. The blond was still a bit stubborn and sometimes hard on him, but he liked that, Aira showed himself as he was, he didn't need to pretend, he showed him his true face and Hiiro loved that.
He loved his roughness but also that fragility that surrounded him. That fragility that was actually harder to break than Aira himself believed. Hiiro would admit that at first he also thought of the blond as fragile and had the need to protect him for fear of someone breaking him, but then he realized how wrong he was. He was much more fragile and weaker than Aira.
Hiiro hadn't been able to do much for his mate, but Aira had saved him. When Hiiro thought that his life had lost meaning after being rejected by his brother, it was Aira who was by his side, it was he who made him understand that his life went on, that all the thinking imposed by his people was holding him back, it was he who saved him by making him understand that it was Hiiro who had to decide his own path.
That night, when he fell asleep holding Aira's hand, was when everything changed.
Hiiro sighed tiredly and looked back to the window.
It was always the same, whenever he got to thinking about the blond, he ended up rambling. But... He couldn't help it...
He could be quite dense on many subjects and not understand others well, but he understood himself perfectly well and he knew one thing: Aira liked him.
He remembered that the first times he had dreamed about the blond, he had woken up feeling guilty, he felt he was betraying his buddy's trust by dreaming about the two of them in... Well... Doing "adult things"... After those dreams, he didn't dare to look the blond in the face.
Those kind of dreams changed and became, to his luck, much calmer and even pretty ones: Aira always smiled at him, told him that he loved him and after holding hands, they kissed... They were simple dreams, but every time Hiiro opened his eyes, he couldn't help touching his lips, wondering how Aira's lips would taste....
How many times had he dreamt that they kissed? How many times had he stood like a teenager in love watching the lips of the boy he liked? How many times had he had to avert his gaze in embarrassment before Aira caught him looking at him?
How many times... How many times had he wanted to kiss him?
The blond's lips seemed soft, plus the gloss he used to moisturize them made Hiiro more than once have to dig his nails into his arm to keep from jumping on him and kissing him desperately.
Ah, that word perfectly described how he felt with Aira: desperate.
He was desperate for his attention, for physical contact, for being with him. He wanted to kiss him, to hug him, to say nice things to him... He wanted to feel Aira's arms around him, his lips whispering his name, his eyes looking at him.
But that was impossible. He knew it, Aira didn't reciprocate.
As much as it pained him to admit it and he wanted to ignore that fact, reality was cruel.
He had to learn to accept that the blond didn't feel the same way he did. Aira didn't spend hours thinking about him, that the times the blond had gotten distracted during a practice and bumped into one of the senpais, it wasn't because he was looking at Hiiro... Aira's life didn't revolve around his. The blond had more friends, classmates to have a good time with, other senpais he didn't know, parents he hadn't seen yet....
When he thought about everything he didn't know about his teammate and how the other one didn't tell him either, it made him feel quite sad.
Sometimes he wondered if it was right that they knew each other. Had fate really brought them together?
Sometimes... Sometimes he regretted meeting Aira and falling in love with him.
He shifted his gaze again and saw the blond sleeping peacefully.
Ah, he was so cute.
"I wonder," he thought, "if you're ever going to feel the same way I feel about you, Aira..."
That question had been in his head for months. He thought it in the morning and also at night, sometimes in the middle of class and sometimes he was just taking a shower and ended up thinking about the blond. Any couple he saw on the street or anything that could remind him of the blond, made him think about his feelings.
Hiiro had never been an envious boy, but he would give anything for him and Aira to walk around holding hands and kissing, just like the couples he saw around the city.
He sighed defeatedly again, frustration was overtaking him again.
He had to concentrate on trying to think about something else, it was anything other than the blond or his feelings, otherwise he would end up more frustrated and sad than he was.
He was an idol, he had to maintain a positive image of himself to keep his fans and those around him happy, he couldn't afford to let his feelings and frustrations out in public. When he was in his room he could cry or hit something, no one would stop him, but he couldn't show himself in a negative way in public. Aira always reminded him of that, how idols helped people and gave him hope.
Aira loved idols because they had inspired him and gave him hope. The blond always wondered if he would ever be able to pass on those feelings to others, but what he didn't know, was that that shine had reached Hiiro. The redhead was mesmerized by Aira's idol attitude. The blond was helping him to keep going, to keep fighting to stand out, Aira was a really cool idol in his eyes... It was a pity that he didn't have the courage to tell him in specific situations and Aira didn't believe him when the redhead said it out loud.
Hiiro loved Aira's smile when he got on stage, that warmth in his voice when he talked to the fans, the sweetness with which he held the hands of his fans, that joy that Aira gave off and that the blond himself was unable to see. Hiiro wished he could give him his eyes and that for once, the blond could see how bright he was.
He sighed. How would Aira see him? Would he think he was a cool idol too? Would Aira's eyes sparkle with excitement when he saw Alkaloid's lives? When the camera gives a close-up of the redhead's face, would the blond stop the video and take a screenshot to save the image in his gallery?
Hiiro wondered many things, but one was the one that made him most anxious: was Aira happy to have met him?
He felt his body tremble with helplessness as he imagined a negative answer from his partner.
He was terrified to hear the answer, he wouldn't know what to do if Aira said no to him. He knew that sooner or later he would have to face reality, but he tried to ignore that thought for as long as possible.
The rain stopped.
Hiiro swallowed saliva, he had to wake up his teammate.
His chest ached, having been thinking about his feelings had not helped him at all, it had only worsened his emotional state.
Lately, it was getting harder and harder to get those thoughts out of his mind. Was he reaching his limit?
He had to face reality once and for all. He had to ask Aira that question that was going around in his head practically every day. He needed to know the answer.
He clenched his hands. He had to do it, he had to stop ignoring his feelings and doubts, the only thing he was achieving this way was to feel worse and that in the long run could affect his performance as an idol and he couldn't afford that. He felt that the only thing he had to stay by the blond's side was to remain an idol, so if he lost that, he would be losing Aira.
He closed his eyes and took a big breath of air. "You can... Do it, Amagi Hiiro."
He opened his eyes slowly.
He couldn't take this situation anymore.
Hiiro moved the blond's shoulder to wake him up. After a few seconds of unintelligible words, Aira slowly opened his eyes.
The boy's beautiful green eyes looked at him and Hiiro felt like he could get lost in them and not mind in the slightest.
"Hiro-kun?"
"It's stopped raining already, Aira."
The blond stretched his arms as if he were a cat that had just woken up. After yawning, he stood up. "I must go wash my face..."
"Wait, I'll come with you."
"Are you going to wash your face too, Hiro-kun?"
"Eh? Ah yes..."
Hiiro started to feel nervous. He stuck his hands inside his jacket pockets and started playing with a loose thread inside the pocket.
"Hiro-kun? Is something wrong?"
"H-hey Aira, there's something I want to ask you..."
The blond blinked and waited for the other to continue.
"You... Aira, do you regret meeting me?"
He asked him with a firm tone. Aira widened his eyes in surprise and then arched a doubtful eyebrow.
"What are you-?"
"Aira."
"..."
The blond kept looking at him suspiciously for several seconds. Then he sighed and scratched his head, a soft red color appearing on his cheeks.
Hiiro looked at him expectantly, he needed to hear the answer. Aira never gave him clues as to what he thought of their current relationship, if he liked that they were just friends or wanted to move a little further, so the redhead needed to at least confirm if the blond was comfortable with him. He would prefer to know his feelings, but for the moment he would settle for that.
Aira lowered his hand to the back of his neck and scratched it. "Well, okay. I think it was... Fine."
"Fine?" he repeated, trying to figure out what the shorter one was referring to. "Does that mean it's okay that we met?"
"Uhm, I guess..."
Hiiro blinked in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? Was it a good answer? Was it what he expected?
He lowered his gaze to the ground, a little disappointed by the answer. So, not only did Aira not reciprocate, but he was indifferent to having met him?
The answer had hurt him more than he thought it would. He was supposed to accept the blond's feelings, but it was one thing to say it and another thing to do it.
A sharp pain in his chest came, a stabbing that made his heart ache and squeezed his lungs, making it hard to breathe.
He heard a loud sigh coming from his teammate. When he moved his gaze to get a better look at him, the blond's action caught him completely off guard.
Aira grabbed his arm and wrapped it between his own. Ah, he had seen that move in the romance doramas the blond watched, it was usually a girl who grabbed her boyfriend's arm. Hiiro felt his heart race.
"Hiro-kun sometimes you annoy me, everything comes so easy to you, while I have to try three times as hard to do the same as you. People think you're so cool and everyone expects so much from you while from me, no one expects anything..."
"That's not true! Tatsumi-senpai and Mayoi-senpai expect a lot from you. I'm always watching you, because I think you're really cool and I'd like to be like you..."
"You know... It also bothers me that sometimes you're tactless, invade my personal space, are so dense and interrupt me! But..."
"But?"
"But I also think that's the coolest thing about you... That innocence of yours makes you quite a dork but also very cool... I think your strong point is to have no limits and well, that makes me a bit envious... But, despite all the bad things you can get to do to me because of your innocence and tactlessness... I... I would never regret having met you."
"Aira..."
"Even though I am sometimes mean to you and get angry easily, you are still by my side always supporting me... Sometimes I wish you would get angry with me and we would have an argument, I think it would be nice... You know, they say friends fight too..."
"And couples."
"And couples too and- My god, Hiro-kun we're not dating!"
"Amagi Aira..."
"Don't put your last name in front of my name, we're not married!" the blond sighed in annoyance. "Listen Hiro-kun, I'll tell you just once... I'm really glad I met you and I hope we'll be together for many more years!"
Hiiro felt his heart racing and his palms sweating at the sight of the blush on the shorter one's cheeks. He couldn't help but hug him and sink his face into the blond's neck.
"H-Hiro-kun?"
"Thank you, Aira."
He listened as the other swallowed saliva and then slowly returned the embrace.
Hiiro could hear his heart pounding in his ears and wondered if Aira could hear it too, surely he could. His face burned with embarrassment, he felt so happy.
He had been thinking for months that Aira was only together with him because they were partners in the same unit and the blond didn't feel comfortable with that, however, now he felt that all those worries that didn't let him sleep, had dissipated.
Even if Aira didn't reciprocate, knowing that the blond was comfortable by his side made him happy.
"Aira!" he broke the hug and grabbed his hand. "Come on, we have to go to the bathroom and have you wash your face!"
"Eh? A-ah sure..."
Hiiro smiled happily at him and Aira smiled back a small but warm smile. Ah, Hiiro felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, he loved his partner so much.
They were just friends now, but that was okay, they had to take it one step at a time. First they had to know each other better, not only to know their past stories, but also their fears, goals, their tastes... They had to build a path together and be both willing to walk it side by side, for that they had to have more confidence between them, they had to know each other better....
If in the future Aira would reciprocate him or not, was for now a mystery, but Hiiro was not going to give up. For now he could keep on dreaming that he kissed Aira, but if he kept on making an effort and being by the blond's side, showing him all his love and support, nothing ruled out that the blond wouldn't end up falling in love with him.
Ah, how nice that day would be.
Hiiro smiled happily, he was glad he had the chance to meet the blond. But, above all things, he didn't regret falling in love with Aira.