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The beads on his wrist are what keep the monster inside of him hidden. Showing it would release that part of him, and he's scared of that becoming a reality. Anyone who sees him in that form would be disgusted. The form he tries so hard to keep hidden is revolting, and everyone would run away if they saw it.
They would run away if they saw him. The monster that he believes himself to be—his true self.
And yet here he is with his beads on the ground and feeling this intense pain as he transforms into this disgusting creature.
How did he even get here? He doesn't know; he can only feel pain as she watches all of it unfold right in front of her. She's frozen in shock, and he's disgusted with himself. He radiates this awful stench. He shows rows of sharp fangs. His sharp claws could pierce any surface—his body molds into this inhuman creature. The rain just makes it all the worse. She sees the monster. The beast inside that makes him hate himself.
So he runs.
'She saw. She saw me. It's all over.'
He runs away from the place he calls home, and he knows he can never return. He knows that his home is gone.
He doesn't know if anybody else saw him. He doesn't know where to go now.
He stops when he is far enough away and deep into the woods where no one can follow him. He doesn't know what to do. She saw him, and he doesn't know if he will be able to forgive Master for what he has done. Everything is ruined.
His mom was scared of his true form and forced her love on him. Her own son was a monster, and she raised him like a normal child even though she was scared. She kept him hidden from the world so no one could see him.
She made sure his beads were on every day so his true form wouldn't be revealed and would stay hidden. She was ashamed of him. She was ashamed of her own son. So ashamed that she killed herself.
He hears a cracking noise behind him, and he turns around to see…
'Why is she here? Why did she follow me out here?'
She keeps her distance, "Kyo…."
"Stay away! Why are you following me?! You have eyes and a nose too, right?! I'm disgusting like this! Leave me alone!"
"But-"
"I said leave me alone! Get lost!"
'Leave me. Leave this filthy creature. This disgusting monster.'
"No! Kyo, you have to come home! It's true that this form scares me, and I don't recognize your voice, but I can't leave you, and you can't leave me! I need you! I'm not going to let you suffer alone! I'll be here to help you! When you have to talk, I'll listen!"
"I don't need your pity! I'm a monster, and I don't deserve to be loved! I shouldn't be cared about! There are things I've done that can not be forgiven!"
"It's not pity! We all have hard times, and we need someone there! I mean it, Kyo! I want to be here for you! You might not believe me, but I care! Kyo, please!" she closes the remaining distance between them and places her hand on his big paw-like hand.
"NO!"
He pushes her and pins her to the ground right beneath him. She looks up at him, trying to keep calm, but he knows she's scared.
His big red eyes stare down at her with intensity. His face is close to hers, and he shows the rows of his sharp fangs to her. He wants to show her what a monster really looks like. He's a monster. His claws dig deep into her sides, and she makes a pained sound as she starts to bleed.
"K-Kyo… p-please stop… you're hurting me…" she says and winces from the pain.
He can't stop himself. Why can't he stop? He's hurting her. He doesn't want to hurt her.
His claws drag down her sides, and he cuts deeper into her. Her pain increases, and she tries to suppress the sounds she makes.
'Why can't I stop? I want to stop. I can't control it. I didn't mean for this to happen. I can't have another person go so painfully. I can't have her go. This all my fault.' Truthfully, deep inside, he didn't want her to leave him, but he's a monster.
He pushes her down with his big paw, and she goes limp. Then, finally, he lets go of her.
'This is all my fault. This is all my fault. Is she…'
He realizes he's back in his human form and rushes next to her. He shouldn't touch her. He's filthy. He can see all the blood. She's hurt very severely.
"Tohru…" he tries to say, but nothing will come out.
"Tohru," he says again, and this time sound does come out.
No answer.
He starts to cry. He has to do something. He gently places his hand on her shoulder and lightly shakes her. When she doesn't respond, he checks her pulse…
Nothing.
"No… I did this to you… I can never forgive myself… I never will…" he can't stop crying. He places his hand on hers.
"I'm sorry…" he says, then falls over, and everything goes black.
He wakes up screaming. He sits upright, and he's in his room. He's sweating. It's dark outside. He's glad Tohru isn't near him, so he can't hurt her.
'It was just a dream. I'm so glad it was just a dream."
Even though it was a dream, he starts to cry. He has had nightmares similar to this before, but not this bad. He… killed her. He's afraid of hurting her. So badly that she will never recover. It has been months since she saw his true form, but he still has nightmares, and it scares him.
There's a knock at the door, "Kyo," he can hear her say, "I'm coming in."
The door opens, and there stands Tohru. He doesn't want her to see him like this. How will he explain to her why he's crying. He thinks the truth might scare her for real.
She walks into his room and closes the door behind her. "I heard you talking, and then I heard you scream. Kyo, I know you have nightmares. I hear your screams at night, and I want to know what's wrong, but I don't know if you want to be left alone or not. I can't just sit around anymore and do nothing. It pains me to hear you in pain. Please tell me what's wrong."
She walks closer to him and sees that his face is hidden in his hands. "Kyo…"
He looks up, the moonlight shining on her, "Tohru… you should go."
She sees him crying. She can't leave him like this, "I'm not leaving. I can't leave you like this. You're crying, and you're in pain. Tell me what's wrong. Please."
"I-" does he tell her the truth? He won't be able to come up with a lie fast enough anyway, so he might as well tell her. "I had a nightmare. I hurt you… so badly. You chased after me—my true form. I… killed you. Tohru, I can't stand that thought. I can't lose you. I was scared. I don't want to hurt you. You should stay away from me. I'm a monster."
It takes her a few seconds to respond, "Kyo, you're not a monster, and I know you would never hurt me. It was just a dream; there's no reason to be scared. You're so kind to me. When you're with me, I'm so happy. You're a good person. I've seen your true form, and I accept it. I accept all of you. You can't scare me away, Kyo. You're not a monster, believe me."
"I am a monster. You saw me. There's no denying it. I'm disgusting and unclean. I've done things that can not be forgiven. So you shouldn't care about me. I don't deserve your kindness."
"Please, believe me, Kyo. You're not a monster, and you do deserve kindness. I'm here for you. You can talk to me, and I'll listen. You can cry, and I won't judge. Everyone has hard times and sad times, and sometimes we need someone there. I want to be here for you, Kyo. Let me stay by your side."
"Tohru…"
She places her hand on his, "Please, let me be here for you." she smiles that warm smile of hers, and it makes him feel a little more at ease.
His tears stop. "Thank you, Tohru. You're very important to me, and I'm so glad you care. It means a lot." she can make him feel better so easily. He opened up to her. He forms a small smile and gently holds her hand in his.
She gently squeezes his hand, "I'm here for you," she says. "Are you able to go back to sleep? You need some rest. Will you be okay?"
He lays back down and sighs. "I think I'll be okay," he says, not entirely sure.
She reaches his head and gently runs her fingers through his hair. Finally, he closes his eyes and starts to drift off.
He wakes up without any more nightmares occurring. He opens his eyes, and there's light illuminating the room. It's morning, and he does feel better. He sees the closed door, and he expects Tohru left his room.
He turns to his other side, and Tohru's lying next to him. She looks so peaceful.
'She stayed.' It makes him smile. She can surprise him sometimes. She isn't scared of him. She wanted to make sure he was okay throughout the night. He's so glad to have her by his side.