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Usahara should stop staring. Really, stop. How long has he been staring? Probably two minutes now. He should stop, it's getting creepy. It started being creepy one minute and fifty-five seconds ago, stupid.
It was a couple of months ago the first time it happened, and it was all because of a stupid sketch that Director Derekida thought of.
They were at Uramichi's green room when Edie came in and gave Iketeru and Uramichi their new scripts and costumes. Usahara saw Uramichi's costume, and as usual, he made fun of his senpai. It had become something he couldn't live without doing, there must be something seriously wrong with him. The costume was downright ridiculous, and he couldn't help but laugh. That earned him an elbow to the gut.
He just couldn't imagine someone like Uramichi wearing something like that. There was no way in hell Uramichi-san could pull it off. Or so he thought.
They were on stage and filming the Jerminator and Bacterian sketch. Even Utano-oneesan lost it when she saw Iketeru as Jerminator. He was wearing a white sun-visor, a white tank top with a letter J printed on it, a white cape, a white short shorts, and a white thigh high boots. Who wouldn't laugh at the sight of that?
It was Uramichi's cue to come in. He was Bacterian.
Kids, you know those cliché scenes in movies where a character had a major makeover and their partner sees them with their new look? Everything goes slow mo? Heart pounding, cheeks blushing, the whole shebang? Well, about 90% of that happened to Usahara-kun the moment he saw Uramichi as Bacterian.
Usahara's heart skipped a beat. He saw purple (his favorite color) and skin. Purple headband, purple star-shaped sunglasses, purple tank top, purple short shorts, purple boots, and flawless thighs, flawless legs. Flawless skin.
Wait, what? What the hell was that last part?!
Maybe it was because of his costume, it's stuffy and hot inside. It must be the heat, because he couldn't think of any reason why the first thing he thought of when he saw Uramichi in that costume was the word "sexy". So, yes. It was all because of his Usao-kun costume, okay? The heat was making him think of things. Nothing else. MOVING ON!
He should be making fun of his senpai, but instead he was gaping and staring. Usahara knew he was staring, his eyes were following Uramichi, eyeing the other man from head to toe. Well, specifically Uramichi's legs. He couldn't help it. He couldn't stop. He's a leg man after all. But ogling Uramichi was new and dangerous territory. He could get killed. He's never been more grateful for his Usao-kun costume until now.
Taping was finally done. Kumatani was engrossed to whatever story Iketeru was telling him and Utano-oneesan was long gone to who knows where. Usahara, on the other hand, was still staring. He flinched when Uramichi looked at him. Nope, not looking, glaring. Uramichi was glaring at him.
"Y-yes?"
"..."
Uramichi narrowed his eyes. He knows! Uramichi found out that he had been staring! He’s going to get killed. There was no way, right?! Usahara was inside a mascot for god's sake. But then again, his senpai always knew what the hell he was doing and thinking. FUCK.
"C-can I help you, Uramichi-san?" Usahara was sweating like crazy.
"Take off your costume."
"Nah, I-I'm good."
"Aren't you hot?"
"No, you're hot" What?!
"What?"
"What?"
"How the hell am I hot? I'm wearing this outfit, dumbass"
Though Uramichi is really smart, he could be clueless and dense sometimes. That's one of the sides he likes most about his senpai. Usahara is mentally thanking and bowing to the gods above that this side of Uramichi decided to come out at this moment.
"You're right. Haha"
"Take your costume off, Usahara" Uramichi demanded.
"I can't! I'm cold!" Usahara was lying, you know, like a liar. He's boiling inside his costume; his back is practically a waterfall right this moment. Why is it so fucking hot?!
“Why are you being so stubborn?”
“I-I am not!! I’m so cold, I think I’m going to take a long hot bath now! See you, Uramichi-san!” Usahara sprinted the hell out of there. All his training with the track and field club from his college days had finally paid off.
“Idiot, you suck at hiding things.” Uramichi whispered to himself and went back to his green room.
The second time it happened was two weeks ago. They’re taping for the new Together with Maman segment, “Yakumi Shinobi”. They got to wear ninja outfits, except for one person.
Uramichi was playing Shiso-sama. He was wearing a mesh shirt, a ripped jean shorts, a gyoza shaped wings attached on his back, and two shiso leaves covering his eyes. Uramichi looked like he’s done with everything and was just going with the flow. Usahara hoped and prayed for this segment to flop. He felt like he was being tortured by some higher being, because a mesh shirt, really?! What the hell was the costume department thinking? This is a kid’s show for crying out loud!
After weeks of going through different stages of denial, Usahara finally gave up and accepted his fate that yes, he was attracted to his senpai. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Uramichi, especially now that the other man is practically naked. Damn his flawless skin, damn his toned chest, damn those abs, and most of all damn those legs. Goddamn it.
They were on their five-minute break when Uramichi approached him. All he could think of was how he wanted to rip that stupid mesh shirt off of his senpai and – Oi, this is a kid show. Usahara was so busy lusting over Uramichi that he didn’t hear a single word the man was saying.
“Oi, are you even listening? Do you want me to punch you back to reality?”
“S-sorry, Uramichi-san! Wha-what was that?”
“Seriously, what’s up with you lately? I said, Capellini gave me a box of macarons yesterday, do you want some?”
“Yes!” Uramichi offering him something? Of course, he’d agree without hesitation. The fact that his senpai thought of giving him sweets made him so happy he could die right now-
“… back to my place together”
“Ha? Sorry. What was that?”
“I said let’s go to my place after work.” Uramichi reached through the gap of his costume and pinched his cheeks
“You’re being more annoying than usual lately, what are you hiding? And you face is really hot, are you sick? Take off your costume” Usahara felt a strong sense of déjà vu.
“Uramichi-san, not the cheeks! And I’m not sick, that’s my normal temperature!”
Uramichi withdrew his hand, “Are you telling the truth?”
“Of course, I am” That was a lie. “Oh, they’re calling us back in, I’ll see you later, Uramichi-san”
So, let’s see— Uramichi offered him a box of sweets and invited him to his place. This is bad, he’s so happy he couldn’t stop his mouth from forming into a goofy grin.
Fuck.
Back to where we are now. The Hello Squad. That’s right. Another new sketch brought to you by the people who made the Yakumi Shinobi.
They’re currently wearing different costumes inspired by different countries. Utano-oneesan is Miss Ni Hao, she’s wearing a qipao dress. Iketeru is Mister Hola, he’s wearing the national costume of Spain, with the high-waisted pants and a short-embroidered jacket. Kumatani is Namaste Bear and it’s just Kumao-kun wearing a kurta and a turban. Usahara is Hello Rabbit, he’s in his Usao-kun costume dressed up as Uncle Sam. And last but not the least, Uramichi Oniisan as Bonjour Man.
Uramichi’s outfit took Usahara’s breath away. Just when he thought that Uramichi’s Shiso costume was bad (for his heart), this is way worse. Way way worse. His senpai is wearing a macaron crown, a macaron patterned crop top, and a striped boxers. Uramichi looks so sweet, and this sweet freak wants a taste.
Forget croissant taiyaki, he loves macarons now.
Usahara looked. And looked. And looked. He doesn’t care anymore. He’s going to stare. Consequences be damned. He’s just human, you know. He has needs. Apparently, one of those needs is being a horny little shit and lusting over his coworker. Whatever. He’s tired, he’s hot, and there’s about to be a third punchline down south.
He avoided Uramichi altogether after the taping. He went straight to his and Kumatani’s green room, changed to his casual clothes, grabbed his backpack, and waited for Kumatani at the studio’s lounge area. He’s the only one there. Finally, some peace and quiet. But not for long, since Usahara’s mind decided that right now is a good time to flash him images of Uramichi in revealing outfits.
“Fuck sake he looked so good today. Tch. I want to touch—” Usahara is so deep in thought that he didn’t even notice the object of his affection arriving and sitting next to him.
“You want to touch what?” Usahara jumps in surprise. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights.
“U-Uramichi-san?! Wh-what are you doing here?!” Uramichi looked at him intently.
“You want touch what?”
“No-nothing!”
“Hmmm. Your face is red, are you okay?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m fine! Oh, look at the time, have you seen Kumatani? Where is that damn bastard? Hahaha” He’s babbling like an idiot now.
He can feel his face heating up to dangerous levels. Someone please end him.
“Tch. Seriously, what am I gonna do with you?” Uramichi stands up, ready to leave.
“Usahara”
“Y-yes?!”
“You do know you’re bad at lying and hiding things, right?”
“I- wha?”
“Listen closely, because I’m only going to say this once— You can. Anytime. After work. But not right now. I’m tired.”
“I can, anytime, after work, what?”
“You’re smart enough, figure it out” Uramichi looks at him in the eyes, smirks, and leaves.
“Eh?”