Chapter Text
SMP Craigslist Help Wanted
August 11th 11:32 PM
Subject Line: Looking For Third Member of Team
HI! My name is Tubbo aka Metamorph and I am a fourth year at Esempi Acadmy anf I accidentally fuxked up. You see me and my best friend Tommy accudentally applied to the Esempi superhero menyorshio program as a trio indyead of a duo and so we need another stufeny, prefrendably 16 or 17, wjo is willing to be part of out team. I dunno if iys too laye to apply to the thing bt yoi should email the person ajywya.
If yu habe any auestions uou can reach me at [email protected]
Sincererwly,
Metamorph
from: [email protected]
3:12 AM
Subject Line: Craigslist Help Wanted
Hi.
Do you still need another member for your group? I already applied for the Mentorship Program but I was advised to find a group instead of being solo. I’m also a fourth year and the top of my class at the academy. I can’t say I’m a team player and I’ve been told I need to assert myself more, and I have a terrible memory. But I’ve been told I have “great potential” when it comes to my powers.
Let me know your decision as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
Ranboo Beloved
alias Ender Eyes
from: [email protected]
7:22 PM
RE: Craigslist Help Wanted
you’re in, heres my number
xxx-xxx-7638
Tubbo
from: [email protected]
7:30 PM
RE:RE: Craigslist Help Wanted
Dear Tubbo,
What the fuck?
Sincerely,
Ranboo Beloved
alias Ender Eyes
from: [email protected]
8:11 AM
Subject Line: Esempi Superhero Mentorship Program
[four attached files]
Dear Mr. Theseus Danger Innit-Minecraft,
I am writing because you applied to be part of the Esempi Academy's superhero mentorship program. I have reviewed your application and am pleased to let you know that you have been accepted as part of section C for this year! You and the two other members of your team, The Bench Trio, will be placed under the mentorship of the Dream Team.
Your personal mentor will be George NotFound, codename 404. Additional information will be found in the attached file, along with the program contract and liability form.
You will be receiving additional emails about your housing placement and meal plans. If you have any questions, please email me as soon as possible. Congratulations and welcome to the program.
Sincerely,
Husani Mubarak
Assistant Director of Programming
Esempi Academy
Family GC
[9:18 AM]
Tom: [attached file]
Eldest: Oh.
Tom: can you at least pretend to be happy for me?
Dadza: congrats, Tommy, Wilbur would have been proud of you
Eldest: Would he, Phil?
Tom: nvm i'm going to tubbo's
Tom: you guys suck
New Group
[3:36 PM]
DreamWasTaken created a new group!
DreamWasTaken changed the name to Academy Mentorship GC
DreamWasTaken added five new members!
Sapnap: Thats a dumb name
DreamWasTaken changed their name to Dream!
Dream: you’re a dumb name
Tubbo_Underscore: Wat is going on
Tubbo_Underscore: *what
Theseus Innit: oH GROUP CHAT?? GROHP CHAT?? ARE HAVING A GROUPCHAT???
Theseus Innit: I LOVE GEOUP CHATS
Dream removed Theseus Innit from Academy Mentorship GC!
Ranboo Beloved: :o
Dream: anyway
Dream: welcome to the official team group chat! :) This is where we’re going to send you three important pieces of information, like training schedules, academy news, and patrols.
Sapnap: so we’re just going to skip over you kicking someone out?
Sapnap: alright cool
Tubbo_Underscore: WAIT THAT WAS TOMMY WHYD YOU DO THAT????
Sapnap: isnt tommy george’s mentee?
Dream: yes :)
Ranboo Beloved: There’s something threatening about that smiley face.
Dream: :) :) :)
George NotFound: wait what
Sapnap: dream just kicked your mentee out of the gc nbd
George NotFound: Bring him back wtf
Dream added Theseus Innit!
Sapnap: simp lmao
Dream: stfu
Theseus Innit: OH YOU KICK TOMMY OUT THE GC? YOU KICK TOMMY? OH JAIL! JAIL FOR DREAM WASTAKEN!! JAIL FOR A THOUSAND YEARS
Sapnap: nvm kick him out again
Tubbo_Underscore: TOMMY
Theseus Innit: BIG MAN HOW ARE YOU
Tubbo_Underscore changed their name to Tubbo!
Tubbo: I AM GOOD HOWRE YOY
Theseus Innit: NOT BAD MYSELF BIG MAN
Ranboo Beloved: Aren’t you two sitting next to each other?
Ranboo Beloved: We're all literally in the dorm room together.
Theseus Innit: MMMAYBE
Theseus Innit changed their name to TOMMY!
Dream: i can already feel the headaches
Dream: this was a mistake
TOMMY: YOUY FACE IS A MASKATE
TOMMY: MISTAKE
Dream: George control your child
George NotFound: No
TOMMY: I AM NOT A CHILD
Ranboo Beloved: aren’t you technically the youngest?
TOMMY: ....
TOMMY: i will murder you while you sleep, count your days, spaghetti man, they are numbered
Dream: oKAY THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED
Dream: LETS TAKE LIKE TEN STEPS BACK AND START OVER
Ranboo Beloved: SO WE’RE JUST BRUSHING PAST TEH FACT THAT TOMMY THREATENED TO MURDER ME???
Tubbo: yes :D
Ranboo Beloved: :worried: :worried:
Dream: like I said, this is the official group chat for Section C of this year's mentorship program at the Esempi Academy, a.k.a us
Dream: You shouldve already recieved an email with all our contact information but I figured it'd be better to introduce ourselves before the orientation trip
George NotFound: there's an orientation trip?
Sapnap: dude they literally made us spend ten hours preparing for the trip on Sunday
George NotFound: bold of you to assume i paid any attention
Sapnap: nOT EVEN TO THE CPR TRAIJING???×*@*
George NotFound: nope
Ranboo Beloved: :worried: :worried: :worried:
Tubbo: DONT WORRU RANBOO I KNOW XPR
Tubbo: CRP
Tubbo: CPR
Ranboo Beloved: :worried: :worried: :worried: :worried:
TOMMY: WHO NEEDS CPR ANYWAY WHEN YOU HAVE MAD SKILLZ
Ranboo Beloved: :worried: :worried: :worried: :worried: :worried: :worried:
Dream: ignoring the worryingly lack of medical knowledge in this group
Dream: lets introduce ourselves :)
Dream: I'll go first! my name's Dream, he/him, a graduate of the academy and the leader of the Dream Team. I'm mentoring Ranboo for this year but you’re all free to come to me with any questions
Tubbo: wow ur name is dream and your superhor group is the dream team :/
Tubbo: seems kinda selfish to me :///
Dream: i
TOMMY: SO TRUE TUBBSTER
Dream: stfu Tommy your superhero name is literally your last name
TOMMY: >:0
TOMMY: YOU BITCH
Sapnap: L lmao
Dream: okay ‘innitboy’
TOMMY: ITS INNIT MAN ACTUALLY
Ranboo Beloved: this is turning out great :thumbsup:
Ranboo Beloved changed their name to Ranboo!
Ranboo: My name is Ranboo! I use, uh, he/they I think and I'm 17! I'm kinda excited for this. :)
TOMMY: My name is TOMMY! DOn’t CALL ME THESEUS OR I’LL KICK UR ASS
Sapnap: this is your mentee george
George NotFound: i know.
Sapnap: just wanted to remind you
Tubbo: hi i’m tubbo :D i also use he/him and im super excite d to finally be suprerhero !
Sapnap: technically you’re just a superhero in training, you don’t officially get registered until after the final examination
Tubbo: D:
Tubbo: but we had to take exsams just to get into thid program D:
Sapnap: L lmao
Sapnap: I'm sapnap btw, i use he/him, i'm mentoring tubbo, and im the best member of the dteam >:)
George NotFound: lying is a sin, sapnap
Sapnap: shut the fuck up you crooked tooth idiot
George NotFound: yOU SHUT THE FUCK UP MR. I EAT SPAGHETTI WITH A SPOON
Sapnap: IT WAS ONE TIME I RAN OUT OF FORKS
George NotFound: IT WAS AT AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT
Sapnap: F UCK YOU
Tubbo: :O the girls are figjting!
TOMMY: DID SOMEONE SAY GIRLS
Dream: I genuinely thought we'd have a week before this gc turned into a mess
Ranboo: It's better to ruin our expectations early. :) The inevitable disappointment will hurt a lot less.
Dream: ,,,,
Dream: thanks Ranboo
Dream And His Two Bitches
[4:33 PM]
Dre: stop fighting in the other gc we have a reputation to uphold!
Dre: also who keeps changing the gc name??
Gogs: sapnap
Captain Sexy: george
Gogs: HA I SAID IT FIRST
Captain Sexy: YOU TRICK ASS BITCH
Gogs: GO FUCK YOURSELF
Captain Sexy: ILL FUCK YOUR MOM FIRST
Dre: literally wtf
Gogs: also im p sure only the academy cares about our "reputation"
Gogs: i don't think a bunch of kids would care if we banter a bit
Dre: yeah but this is our first group we're mentoring and i want to be a good influence :(
Captain Sexy: look what you did, you made dad sad!
Gogs: NO I DIDNT
Dre: dad???
Captain Sexy changed Dre to Dad!
Gogs changed Dad to daddy!
daddy changed their name to Dream!
Dream: what is WRONG with you??
Gogs changed Dream to dad!
Captain Sexy: that was literally my idea in the first place wtf?
dad: do i not have a choice in this?
Gogs: no
Captain Sexy: no
Gogs: btw whens the orientation trip for all the mentoring groups?
dad: friday
dad: classes are cancelled so we get to spend all day getting to know our mentees
Captain Sexy: did you really not pay attention to anything?
Gogs: i must've spaced out, i spent the night before working on a new update for our comms and barely got any sleep
dad: you need to sleep more, its starting to affect your waking self :worried:
Captain Sexy: why don't we just use the academy's comms? they give us free tech for a reason
Gogs: they all suck, sap, its too faulty when the weather is bad and the transmission doesn't reach when we're farther than 15 feet apart
Gogs: also i'm fine, i finished it
Gogs: ive been sleeping more
dad: dont overwork yourself george
dad: ik we joke about you being our tech guy but seriously, you need to be more careful, it could cost our team
Captain Sexy: thats Dream Speech for "i dont want you to get hurt cause im madly in love with you"
dad: i will punch you in the throat
Gogs: im fine dw
Gogs: anyway, what do you think of our new mentees?
Gogs: what were their superhero group names again? bench trio?
Captain Sexy: sumthing dumb like that
Gogs: considering we're named "The Dream Team" we have no room to talk
dad: hey!! :anguished: :anguished:
Captain Sexy: the sapnap team would've been better
dad: it really would not have
Captain Sexy: >:(
Gogs: tommy feels like a handful tbh
Gogs: not exactly sure what his powers are, it just says on the information sheet "discs and slight levitation"
dad: he's probably still developing his powers, he's only 16
Captain Sexy: i got all my powers at 16
dad: thats because you're a blaze hybrid, dumbass, you had all your powers when you werw born
dad: *were
Gogs: you think thats why i was paired with tommy? cause we're both human?
Captain Sexy: idk, i got tubbo and he's a human
Gogs: yea but he's a shapshifter so i think that kinda counts
dad: p sure the academy just randomly chose for us lol
dad: also we're the only trios so far in the program so it makes sense that we're grouped together
Captain Sexy: is ranboo a hybrid?
dad: uh yeah but im not a hybrid so that theory doesn't really work
Gogs: i mean technically you're not human
dad: uh
dad: i guess yeah
Captain Sexy: serious talk for a second: do you really think we can do this?
Captain Sexy: i mean we're still relatively new to crime fighting and it wasnt that long ago that we were in the academy too
Captain Sexy: what if we fuck up?
dad: we won't fuck up. there's absolutely no one i trust more than the two of you, and the academy trusts me. they wouldn’t let us do this if we weren’t ready
dad: as long as we communicate and remember whats important, we'll be fine
Captain Sexy: ig you're right
Gogs: yeah
Captain Sexy: it's a lot of responsibility tho
dad: I believe in you, Sapnap, you got this
Captain Sexy: aww thanks Dad
dad: your actual father is frothing at the mouth rn
Gogs: Bad doesn't froth, there's no way
dad: he's literally a demon, there's no way he doesn't froth
Captain Sexy: can we stop talking about my dad and frothing? :/
Gogs: can you stop being a bitch?
Gogs: lmao bitchnap
Gogs changed Captain Sexy to bitchnap!
bitchnap: my fist would look really good slammed into your face rn
Gogs: try me
dad: at least wait until training practice tomorrow
Gogs: can't wait for when i finally move in with you two losers so that i can punch sapnap whenever i want
bitchnap: i will strangle you while you sleep
dad : kinky
Boo & Drem
[6:23 PM]
Drem: do you need me to bring anything? dad just dropped off some dinner for sapnap and me and its endermen-hybrid friendly!
Boo: Nah, I don't want Tommy and Tubbo to question where all the food came from in our shared mini fridge. Also I think they want to eat dinner together.
Drem: are you ever going to tell them?
Boo: What? That I'm an half-endermen half-???? hybrid? Or that we know each other even outside the academy?
Drem: i was gonna say the fact that you're allergic to 15 different things but those two works
Boo: I don't know, maybe. We're all still new as a team and I don't entirely trust them.
Boo: Tommy and Tubbo have already known each other since forever, I'm the outlier.
Drem: its just the first day, I'm sure you'll all be good friends
Boo: Just because you were able to find two friends that would die for you doesn't mean everyone else can.
Drem: I don't really want them to die for me but
Drem: you're a wonderful fucking kid, Ranboo, and one day everyone is going to know that
Drem: and you'll be able to find your own group of friends who will sing your praises, trust me
Boo: If you say so....
Drem: trust me
Boo: I do.
Drem: anyway, do you need me to bring you anything else?
Drem: I can't really help if you start sleepwalking again but if you need me, call me
Drem: your number always go through, so don't be scared if you think i'm busy, you're my first priority
Boo: Thanks, Dream.
Boo: I think I'll be fine, you don’t have to worry.
Drem: i'll never stop worrying. you still have the spare key to my old apartment, right? i'm still paying the lease so dont worry about anyone coming in, if you ever feel unsafe, go home and lock the door, and text me
Boo: Yes mother.
Drem: dont be mean, i get worried!
Boo: Yeah, I know.
Boo: Hey Dream?
Drem: yeah?
Boo: Nvm.
Drem: are you sure? you can tell me anything, you know
Boo: well, it's just that
Boo: are you ever going to tell your friends about me?
Drem: tell them what, that i technically kidnapped a random hybrid and made them my pseudo-brother? or that i bribed the academy to get said random hybrid as my mentee?
Boo: "kidnapped" implies that I had a place to go back to.
Boo: I have no memories prior to you finding me and bringing me home.
Drem: true. i probably will tell them but now is too soon
Drem: i have to go, sapnap wants me to watch a movie with him
Boo: Have fun :)
Drem: get to know tommy and tubbo, make friends. get out of your comfort zone a little
Boo: but I like my comfort zone :(
Drem: go make friends, Ranboo
Drem: I'll text you tomorrow
Wilby & Tommy
[1:11 AM]
Tommy: sorry i couldnt text you earlier, i had to move into a new dorm at the academy
Tommy: its for all the new mentees in the program, theres 24 of us total i think. our first day of the program is tomorrow and i’m too excited to sleep!
Tommy: idk why i’m explaining this, you were in the program back then too
Tommy: tubbo and i have a new teammate! his name is ranboo and he’s freakishly tall, it’s creepy. I think taller than you. He’s a bit weird but not in a bad way. tubbo really likes him for some reason. but then again tubbo likes everyone so that doesn’t count.
Tommy: we’re being mentored by dream! remember dream? he used to babysit me when you were in class, i dont think he remembers me tho. he’s not my mentor, some dude named george is, but i think things might turn out okay
Tommy: i’m one step closer to becoming an official superhero now. would you have been proud of me?
Tommy: ah fuck fuck fucking shit fuck
Tommy: fuck you wilbur
Tommy: i wish youd fucking answer me for once
[1:42 AM]
Tommy: i still miss you and i hate it
Tommy: gn wilby