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There was a moment where Hanseo was sure his brother would shoot. As he had the gun against his stomach-inexplicably hesitant for once-and Hanseo uttered those damning words. He'd been ready then. To die.
He'd seen the way his brother's face went slack. The way it always got before he hurt Hanseo.
But then Vincenzo was there, throwing Hanseok to the ground and barking at Hanseo to call the police.
Hanseo had done so with trembling fingers. His brother was screaming his head off and Hanseo blinked down at him, trapped in Vincenzo's grip, with something close to disbelief. Seeing his brother so utterly out of control was surreal.
Then Vincenzo ordered him to get Chayoung out of there and he didn't see Hanseok the rest of the night. In fact, the sight of his brother on the ground was the last he saw of him for months. He just knows he's been in jail for the time being.
"We'll need your testimony", Vincenzo tells him and Hanseo looks down at his hands, clenched in his lap. He's been trying not to think about Hanseok or his trial. His psychologist has been trying to get him to open up, but it's hard.
"He won't be able to do anything to you", Chayoung assures him kindly and he almost snaps at her that he knows that. That he's not that stupid, but he swallows his words. He knows she's just trying to be nice.
"Not physically, no", he says instead and when he sees them exchange a helpless look he forces himself to relax.
"I'll testify, don't worry."
They both seem to deflate a little in relief. Realistically he also knows his word will determine the outcome of this case. He'd been there right along with Hanseok, from his first murder to his last. Hell, he was right there when he murdered their father. As well as those employees.
"We'll be right there with you", Vincenzo says and Hanseo's heart warms at that. Vincenzo and Chayoung have seen him through some of the hardest moments of his life. They've guided him and helped him when he didn't have anyone else.
He'd do anything to pay them back, even if that meant confronting his own demons.
"That'll be the only time you have to see him", Chayoung says. "Just ignore everything else about him and focus on the trial."
"Yes", he says determinedly. “Of course I will.”
When he gets a call from an unknown number he answers without much thinking.
"Jang Hanseo speaking."
"A prisoner of the Seoul facility is trying to contact you, press 1 to continue."
Hanseo freezes for a second and he knows he should hang up, but he hasn't seen or heard his brother in months and that damn part of him that still cares is already taking his phone away from his face and pressing 1. Only to hear his voice again, he thinks. Only that.
"Hanseo", the voice on the other line breathes. He abruptly gets a flashback to hearing Hanseok for the first time in years after he’d been sent to America. Only this time he's supposed to be more prepared. He doesn't feel more prepared.
"Why?", Hanseo croaks. "Why on earth would you call me?"
"I heard you were going to testify against me", Hanseok says and his voice sounds listless and dull. It seems he's dropped his mask all together, then.
"What? Did you think I would be on your side?", he asks, morbidly amused. "After everything you've done?"
"No, I suppose not", Hanseok sighs and silence follows. In the background he can hear chatter and someone yelling curse words. It's a nice reminder of the fact that Hanseok is still in prison and not waiting outside of his room with a gun in hand to finish the job.
"Did you call me just to confirm that?", he asks finally. "Or to change my mind? Because if so, you'll be sorely disappointed."
"I called you because I wanted to hear your voice", Hanseok says and Hanseo laughs mockingly.
"Oh yeah, that's a good one, Hanseok-ssi. I'm hanging up. Don't call me again."
But before he can do so, Hanseok speaks up again. Louder this time. "I'd like it if you visited me once before the trial."
"Why?", he asks, breathing speeding up. "So you can finish the job?"
"I just want to talk, '' Hanseok says. "Besides, even if I wanted to, there's bulletproof glass between us at all times."
"Then you'll just try to manipulate me again", Hanseo snaps. "Seriously, how stupid do you think I am? I'm done being your puppet. It's time you get that through your skull."
"Little brother, please", Hanseok says and there's an edge to his voice he's never heard before and inexplicably he thinks back on the moment just before he was almost shot. At the tears brimming in his brother's eyes. He didn't even think Hanseok could cry. "I just want to talk, I swear."
"I don't believe you", he says and before Hanseok can get one more manipulative word in there he hangs up.
He stares at his cellphone, now trembling in his hands. He can just imagine the anger Hanseok must be feeling right about now. He pities the poor fucker will be on the receiving end of it now that Hanseo can’t be the one anymore.
He should feel proud of himself for standing up to his brother. He should, but there's a gnawing sense of doubt. No, he won't let the utter defeat he heard in his brother's voice change his mind. He won't.
Hanseok looks horrible. Hanseo forgets all about his own internal conflict when he sees his brother enter. He's skinnier than he's ever been before. He clearly hasn't bothered to shave ever since entering the prison and his beard shows it.
He looks ragged.
He's never seen his brother look like that. He’d always looked pristine and handsome, even when he was pretending to be that fool lawyer. Hanseo had often scornfully thought he was pretty vain for a psychopath, but it was probably also a ploy to manipulate people.
Hanseok freezes when his listless gaze finds Hanseo’s and he actually looks surprised to see him there. He seems to relax slightly.
The guard leaves the room and Hanseo stares through the glass as Hanseok sits down on the chair in front of him.
"I thought you weren't going to come '', Hanseok says with a small smile. It's not mocking like it usually is.
At once Hanseo's doubts return full force. He looks away uncomfortably. Vincenzo and Chayoung both don’t know he's here. What would he even tell them? He's ashamed enough as it is for even considering coming. The fact that he actually did is even worse. He wonders what his psychologist would say if she saw him now.
"I'm thankful", Hanseok chances.
“Well, don’t be.” Hanseo shakes his head. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for my own peace of mind."
Hanseok simply nods. "I'm glad you're here either way."
"You can stop lying right about now", Hanseo says through gritted teeth. He can feel the pride welling in his chest at that small sign of positive reinforcement from his brother. It makes him feel disgusted with himself. After all these years, it's like he still hasn't changed from that foolish kid that did anything for his brother to be proud of him. "You said you wanted to talk."
"I'm not...", Hanseok lets out a weary sigh and leans forward to search his face. "Whatever I say, you probably won't believe me."
"I wonder why", Hanseo says sarcastically and immediately he feels a rush of fear. Whenever he runs his mouth his brother retaliates-whether that be with harsh words of violence depended on his mood-that's just the way their relationship is.
Hanseok's eyes flash, but it's gone as soon as Hanseo notes it. He doesn’t say anything in return. That gives Hanseo confidence.
"The moment you start trying to tell me what I should or shouldn't say at the trial I'm out of here", Hanseo says warningly. "I know every single little dirty thing you did, hyu-Hanseok-ssi"
"Because most of it was directed to you", Hanseok says quietly.
Hanseo knows he usually took the brunt of his brother's anger and that what he went through was horrific, but he's still alive. He still has all his limbs. A lot of his brother's victims can't say the same. He keeps his mouth shut and stares at his brother until Hanseok puts his hands up in defeat. "Fine. I promise I won't tell you what you should or shouldn't say at the trial."
He relaxes slightly and a long silence falls.
"That day...", Hanseok speaks up eventually. "Why did you say that to me?"
"You'll have to specify", Hanseo says, but he has a sinking feeling he knows what his brother is talking about.
"When I had the gun against your stomach", Hanseok clarifies. "Why did you say that? You knew getting me angry would only make things worse", Hanseok says and he sits up straighter. Hanseo copies his posture, he doesn’t want to be positioned below his brother again. Not even literally. "So why say it?"
"As if you don't know", he says suspiciously and when Hanseok gives him a shake of the head, looking genuinely lost he frowns, but speaks. "Because I knew that no matter what you were going to kill me." Of that he is certain.
Hanseok looks at him, eyes big and filled with tears. Seemingly begging him to stop.
Fairly certain. "Ever since you murdered father I knew I would follow and whatever affection you may have had for me disappeared that day in the forest.”
"You really thought so?", Hanseok asks.
"I knew so. The moment you walked into my office after you got out of prison I realized that I was going to die soon", Hanseo says, thinking back on that horrible moment. The dull stab of pain when his brother mockingly told him no one gave a shit about him, that everyone left him there to die.
"I was going to kill you then”, Hanseok states and Hanseo's mouth snaps shut, whatever he was going to say forgotten. "The entire time I was in prison I was thinking about it. I'm going to kill Jang Hanseo as soon as I get out of here. That little shit deserves it."
He says it so nonchalantly, yet Hanseo doesn't doubt him for even a moment. He remembers the way his brother practically screamed violence that day.
"But then I was standing in front of you and you closed your eyes and I couldn't-", Hanseok trails off with a frown. "I couldn't. And even when you attacked me later and I had so many openings and I still couldn't."
He looks disturbed just thinking about it. Hanseo remembers the chances he got, the missed shots, the way his brother tried to convince him until the end. The tears- He brusquely shakes his head, nails digging into his palms.
"And then said what you said and I got so fucking angry I almost shot you, but then I couldn't and...fuck, I'm glad I didn't", Hanseok says and a small, wisp of a smile tugs at his lips. Hanseo almost can't see it through his beard. "I'm surprised myself, but I've been thinking about it and I guess I care about you more than I originally thought "
Hanseo stares at his brother and the small smile on his face and he feels disgust. Like he never has before. "So what?"
Hanseok's face falls. "Huh?"
"I said so what? I'm supposed to be happy you would have shot me, but would've felt a little bad", he asks loudly. "You've made my life a living hell! You've ruined any single good thing that happened to me and now you expect me to be happy? You're even crazier than I thought you were."
"I'm not asking you to be happy", Hanseok protests tightly. "I'm asking you to try to understand."
"Well, I don't", he snaps. "I've never understood you. All I ever did was try to make you happy and endure your presence, because I was terrified of getting you mad."
A muscle in Hanseok's jaw tenses.
"Endure my presence", he laughs quietly. "You were so proud whenever I complimented you. That wasn't enduring my presence. You love me. Just like my mother did. And I do you, apparently."
"I don't know what I feel for you", Hanseo says and it's kind of crazy. Until months ago hearing Hanseok say he loved him like a real brother, like family, would've made his entire life. Now he just feels conflicted. There is happiness there, but there's also an overwhelming sense of dread. He doesn't want to hear this. Not now. "But it's not love."
"You're lying", Hanseok says with a small shake of the head. "You do. You always have. And I took advantage of it."
"In the forest", he bursts out. "I nearly killed you. Does that sound like someone who loves you, hyungnim?"
The hyungnim slips out unintentionally and he curses himself.
"Anger build up from years of torment", Hanseok says, as if it’s really just that simple. In his mind it probably is. "And manipulation by a third party. It was inevitable in retrospect."
Hanseo slumps forward in his seat and lets out a defeated, little laugh. He lets his head drop forward. There's a crack in the floor he follows with his gaze. He wonders if many other people have sat here like him, frutstrated to the point of wanting to stomp their feet. Maybe that's how the crack got there. "You just don't listen."
"I am listening", Hanseok protests. "I just know you, Hanseo. I know you've always hated that, but I do."
"Yeah, I do hate that", he says. "Not a day goes by where I don't wish my mother never allowed father to take me away from her. But, it happened and I can't change it."
"No, you can’t", Hanseok says and Hanseo looks up again, exhausted at this constant back and forth. He's been in here for almost ten minutes and he still can't figure out Hanseok's goal. Though he supposes he's never been very good at that. "And now we only have each other. And I'm telling you I care about you. I want to do better from now on."
Hanseok looks so genuine that Hanseo almost believes him. He buries his nails in his palms again, to the point of drawing blood. He shouldn't waver. Not even for a second. Hanseok's expression turns sour.
"I just wish I wasn't in here. I can't do shit to make it right."
The comment is so passing. Yet so carefully placed. Hanseo's been manipulated by Hanseok his entire life, though. This is yet another doubt Hanseok is trying to plant in his mind. Along with the thousands of others he's planted there. He's a masterpiece indeed. His mind is an entire garden of them.
Ah.
"This isn't me trying to manipulate you, by the way", Hanseok says when Hanseo doesn't answer. "It's just unfortunate."
"Hyungnim'', Hanseo says gently as he puts his hand against the glass. An open invitation. Hanseok puts his own against it, a small, confused smile painting his exhausted face. Hanseok will probably never look ugly, but this is the closest he’ll get. Hanseo smiles so hard his cheeks hurt. "I don't believe you."
And with that he snatches his hand back and gets up. "Like I said before: I'm not your puppet anymore. It's time you also come to terms with that."
"You don't believe anything I said just now? None of it?", Hanseok asks, looking up at his disbelief. His hand is still where Hanseo’s was. He looks utterly foolish.
Hanseo leans down, so they're eye to eye again. "If any of what you said is true, I would take great pleasure in the fact that you will never see me here again. The last time you'll see me is at your trial and there I'll tell everyone about everything you've ever done."
A stunned silence follows.
"Not all of it, surely", Hanseok says eventually. "Will you also tell them about the time you tried to murder me?"
Hanseo reels back and Hanseok’s hand twists into a fist, scowl now marring his face. He just knows that if he were on the other side of the glass his brother's hands would be around his throat. "Don't tell me you've forgotten? You can be angry all you want, but you shot me first."
"We're done here", Hanseo says tightly and Hanseok gets up then.
"I don't want to end the conversation like that", he says quickly, almost desperately. All signs of his previous anger gone.
Hanseo shakes his head. "Too bad. Goodbye, Hanseok-ssi."
"Hanseo!", he says and there is desperation in his voice now. "You'll never forgive yourself if you leave it like this."
"I think I will", he says pensively. "I really think I will."
Hanseok wildly shakes his head. "No. You won't, we both know you won't! You'll agonize over this moment for the rest of your life. Which, if you keep hanging around Vincenzo, won't last long anymore."
Hanseo pauses. "Are you threatening us right now?"
"I'm trying to warn you", Hanseok says and his chest is heaving slightly. "Vincenzo has more powerful enemies than even me. He's a mafia member. Do you honestly think you're any safer around him that you were around me? Vincenzo's enemies won't hesitate like I did, Hanseo."
"Vincenzo wouldn't let that happen."
"Like he didn't let me kidnap you?", Hanseok says with a snide smile. "Or Chayoung?"
Hanseo can't believes his brother is trying to scare him...and that it's working. Fear is bubbling up in his chest and he thinks back on Vincenzo's stories about his life in Italy-
He brusquely shakes his head, anxiety making way for determination. He needs to get out of here. He needs to stop letting Hanseok play with his mind.
"Not everyone is as psychopathic as you", he snaps and Hanseok's face falls before turning thunderous once more, teeth bared. Like an angry animal. Hanseo leans away, though not because he's startled. He's seen this more than once.
"I can't protect you in here!", Hanseok screams-it took a long time for him to loose it, Hanseo marvels- fist crashing into the glass. Hard enough to make it shake. A guard enters, pulling him back. "I can't unfuck your fuck-ups from in here, Jang Hanseo! You'll regret it one day! You hear me?! You'll fucking regret it!"
"Maybe", he admits calmly. "But at least I'll know I didn't give you any more of myself. I've given you enough. I've done enough."
And with that he turns away from his brother, still furious and struggling in the guard's arms, and walks away. For once he doesn't feel cowardly while doing so.