Chapter Text
this was a quite night donatello though as he turned in his chair he couldn't remember when was the last time we moved and it was past 3 all his brothers even Mikey must have got te bed by now for it to be this quite ...one more quite than the others he thought
and he could now almost hear all his thoughts the need of getting sleep was getting stronger and his rational mind knew he should just let go of all the bright screens in front of him and sleep...but his eyes was wide awake,
getting up it is he said as he suddenly left the chair taking a moment to balance himself
he just crashed into the bed
and the the thoughts came
don never really had any control over them other than just keeping busy
reading
researching
new interests
keeping his thirst for knowing fed
and just not thinking!not really!not about anything real!!
not about how everyone must think of him how he could fail all everything illogical and stupid and meaningless
he kept telling himself
there was literally no reason for anyone to think badly of him other than...being difficult...not knowing how to deal with his brothers when a new hyper fixation wave came to him,not wanting to practice cuz he knew how to exactly keep up with extra time later ...oh no it's here again! he rustled and pressed his hand into his face ,he is thinking about all of them all everything again
he didn't wanted to give in and go to drugs again,cuz it's been grate just existing himself during they day so he could sleep ..or so pass out at nights but now it was just not enough he was sleep deprived and existed all his muscles ached from sitting for far too many hours in one exact position and he JUST couldn't sleep...oh god the thoughts the illogical meaning less thoughts why was it even there in a first place
it took him about more than two more hours just wrestling in the bed tossing and turning to get up yo the mercy of the pills
and luckily he had got so many last time he convinced april that it's just going to for an experiment and tried to say some complicated difficult enough Science babble that even april didn't knew couldn't really understand the words that she got them for him ...she looked so suspicious but either not suspicious enough or somehow still confused by the Science babble that she didn't said anything and just got him a stash that would last him a year but not at this rate tha he was taking it...the drug was addictive and he was getting resistant to it making him take more and more everytime we was worried about running out of meds so he tried the exhaustion method but seemed like it haven't really had worked either ...with short uneasy light sleeps ,nightmares and just not being able to really getting and quality sleep in more than he really didn't knew ..don got up took the pills from his hiding spot wich was in pain sight but no one would ever suspect to look at his boring boos ...yes it was inside a very thick mathematic book that he craved inside of it for the drugs ...he just took 5..still afraid of getting his stock empty sooner that he anticipated and ...not going to thinking about it now ...he just wanted to sleep long without any dreams and good ....
lyes down again and waited for it so take effect ...