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Da On knows that as Tae Kyung’s boyfriend, he should have demanded Shin Woo to take a step away from his boyfriend. That he should firmly declined Shin Woo’s insistence on taking care of his boyfriend. But never have Da On felt more undeserving being Tae Kyung’s boyfriend.
Because at the end of the day…
Da On took a look around, noticing that all eyes were on them, waiting to see what would he do, how he would react. So Da On did what he does best. He pushed everything down, ignoring what he truly wants. Swallowing his saliva, Da On plastered a smile on his face and removed his hand from Tae Kyung. He handed Shin Woo the first-aid kit in his hand to which the latter took it without a word.
“Would you do that Shin Woo-ah?” Da On asked, “I can go get an ice pack for Tae Kyung while you attend to him.”
Da On glanced down at Tae Kyung’s wrist, who found themselves in Shin Woo’s grasp. “Let’s go Tae Kyung and get you fixed up.”
Finally when the crowds dispersed, along with Shin Woo and Tae Kyung, the smile on Da On’s face gradually faded. Da On stared blankly at where the pair were standing a few seconds ago. Da On allowed Tae Kyung to leave with the boy that likes him and he can’t find it himself to curse him out.
Because at the end of the day, he was simply Shin Da On, the president of Saebit Boys’ High School Council. Shin Da On, Tae Kyung’s boyfriend is simply nonexistent.
Despite having that thought in his head, Da On couldn’t hide the hurt and sadness in his eyes when opened the door to an image he feels that he has been seeing a lot lately. Both boys were sitting opposite each other, Shin Woo trapping Tae Kyung’s legs between his as he leaned slightly forward. It looked intimate and Da On couldn’t help but feel as though he was intruding a moment between the two of them.
“Are you done?” Da On asked Tae Kyung which the latter immediately answered with a slight pout and a firm no.
“Noh Shin Woo isn’t good at anything,” Tae Kyung complained as he gave Da On puppy dog eyes.
Please take care of me instead.
Looking offended by Tae Kyung’s comment, Shin Woo immediately retorted, “Are you so talented that you banged your head on a door?”
Da On watched the two of them, gearing up for an argument. Maybe in different circumstances, Da On would have joined in and sided with Shin Woo just to tease his boyfriend. But Da On reminded himself that this was the guy who was also attracted to his boyfriend and he hasn’t been in enough relationships to properly know how to deal with others attempting to make advances to what was his.
Before the two could start their usual bickering, Da On made his way towards Tae Kyung, taking a seat next to him on the bed and placing the ice pack in his hand down.
“Let me see,” Da On asked, to which Tae Kyung immediately turned and presented his face to Da On. With the lack of crowd and in the presence of someone he trusts, Da On gained slight confidence in taking control of the situation that he didn’t have earlier.
“You must have been surprised by the blood,” Da On commented, taking Tae Kyung’s face into his hand, in the act of wanting to take a closer look at Tae Kyung’s wound.
But Da On knows exactly what he was doing and judging by the way Shin Woo avoided looking at the sudden but casual display of affection, Da On is willing to bet that Shin Woo understood. Wanting to drive his point all the way, Da On asked with no hesitance presented in his voice this time, “Do you want to finish it up, or should I?”
Shin Woo glanced at Tae Kyung, who’s eyes never left Da On ever since the latter entered the room. Crestfallen at the clear disinterest of the other boy, Shin Woo’s shoulder slumped slightly.
“Can you finish it up? I’m not very good at this,” Shin Woo said as he passed the cotton wool that he was using on Tae Kyung.
“I’ll go check up on everyone,” Shin Woo excused himself.
“Okay. Go first. We’ll be out soon,” Da On readily agreed. There was no reason for him to try to convince Shin Woo to stay anyway. Shin Woo allowed himself to take a final glance at Tae Kyung before he moved away to stand up and leave the room.
It was only when the soft click of the door could be heard and the two of them were sure they were really alone, Tae Kyung reached out to wrap his arms around Da On’s waist. He looked at Da On with sparkling eyes. “I’m glad you came.”
Da On tutted at his boyfriend, pinching the latter’s nose playfully, much to the annoyance of the boy. “Don’t try to act cute with me. You still haven’t explained to me how did you manage to hurt yourself.”
“You’ve been hurting yourself on accident quite recently these past few weeks,” Da On brought up, a hint of worry present in his voice, “is everything alright?”
Tae Kyung pulled away with a pout on his face. Kissing the pout away, Da On reached out for the first aid kit and grabbed a bandaid.
“Shin Woo did a pretty good job in taking care of you,” Da On said to himself as he removed the wrapper from the bandaid and placed it carefully on Tae Kyung’s cut. At least he thought it was to himself.
Unaware that Tae Kyung actually heard everything, Da On paused at the unexpected question that was thrown at him.
“Well, you’ve been doing that a lot as well,” Tae Kyung noted quietly, “talking to yourself I mean.” Tae Kyung clarified himself when Da On didn’t say anything.
“I was out in the balcony and thinking about our relationship when I felt the need to go and find you to ask you something.”
Tae Kyung paused for a moment to allow Da On to interrupt him. But of course he doesn’t. Da On knows when Tae Kyung is in his deductive mode, it’s best to allow Tae Kyung get everything off his mind, uninterrupted.
“At first I thought nothing of it at first but you’d get this weird look on your face. It’s almost a look of disdain with a side of worry and anxiousness. We’ve known each other for a year and dated for a few months and I thought I’ve seen all parts of you, at least until that look started to appear.”
“I knew my feelings for you ever since the first time we met. That night when you came over to my place and confronted me with the medicine, I knew how I felt whenever I see you with So Hee.”
Tae Kyung took a deep breath, trying to calm his furiously beating heart before continuing. He hoped that Da On understood what he was trying to say because if doesn’t, he might have just been embarrassing himself.
“I knew how I felt whenever I see you with So Hee,” Tae Kyung repeated, steadying his gaze at Da On, “I knew why I felt that way.”
It was because I was afraid you’ll lose interest in me. I was afraid that the intense feelings I feel towards you isn’t reciprocated in the same level.
It’s because I love you.
But Tae Kyung couldn’t say all of those words out. He couldn’t bear to let all of those out to only have Da On reject him and brush it off as misunderstanding.
Instead, Tae Kyung pushed the question back to Da On, “do you feel the same way towards whenever Shin Woo is near me? The weird look that you put on whenever Shin Woo is in the same vicinity. Is it the same reason as mine?”
Tae Kyung stared at Da On hopefully, hoping that Da On would tell him the words he longed to hear. He knows Da On would understand what he was trying to say. Da On was the only one that seemed to understand him without really understanding him.
“I like you Tae Kyung ah,” Da On said, dodging the question, “that’s why we’re together aren’t we? I like you and you like me.”
Da On knows he wasn’t answering what Tae Kyung was asking. With the way Tae Kyung’s shoulders droop in disappointment, his eyes lowering down to observe the pure white sheets of the mattress they were sitting on and the slight downward curves of his lips. Da On felt terrible for lying but he wasn’t ready to tell Tae Kyung his true feelings.
Instead, he reached out and gently pat Tae Kyung’s head, “go and get some rest. You must be tired from all that earlier adrenaline.”
Tae Kyung gave a small nod, softly echoing back half heartedly, “yea… I should probably do that.” He offered his cheek when Da On leaned forward to press a quick kiss and wishing him a good rest.
Closing the door behind me, Da On leaned against it with his eyes closed to recollect himself. It was hard to be in love when Da On can’t seem to find it in himself to say it to the person he loves. Whether it was just pure cowardice on his part or growing up in a family where love was almost nonexistent, Da On can only hope that his actions were enough to reassure his feelings towards Tae Kyung when words fail him.
“Da On.” Da On slowly opened his eyes and found himself staring at Shin Woo who was standing right in front of him.
“Can we talk?”
Da On wasn’t that surprise that Shin Woo managed to catch onto his feelings. While he thought that Shin Woo was being obvious, he supposed that in attempting to one up the latter, he unintentionally revealed his feelings towards Tae Kyung.
Even though Shin Woo doesn’t know that he and Tae Kyung had been dating for awhile now, somehow, his advice managed to hit a little too close to home.
“Just be honest.”
If Da On wasn’t too caught up with his inner conflict with Tae Kyung, he might find the entire situation amusing in an endearing way towards Shin Woo, who thought that Da On was struggling with himself on his true feelings for Tae Kyung.
Because the reality was that Da On wasn’t struggling to figure out if he liked Tae Kyung or not. He jumped over that hurdle awhile back already. What Da On was struggling was the newer and more intense emotion that he was feeling for Tae Kyung now.
When Shin Woo left, Da On didn’t manage to feel any better about himself or anything. If it’s even possible, Da On might be feeling worst. Here he was, on the verge of losing his mind over his feelings while Shin Woo seem to be unbothered about his. Whatever tiny doubts he had about Shin Woo liking his boyfriend completely disappeared after the conversation.
Da On ran his fingers through his hair as he lets out a frustrated scream into starless night sky. Why can’t anything ever be easy for him?
Da On honestly doesn’t know how much he can take watching Tae Kyung and Shin Woo getting progressively closer throughout the trip. The night had just ended and it was without a doubt that Shin Woo somehow manages to spend more time with Tae Kyung than Do On could.
The final straw was when the members went out to the beach to play with the sparklers when Da On noticed Shin Woo and Tae Kyung sitting next to each other, away from the others. The two of them seemed to be in deep conversation, the usual sparkle in Tae Kyung’s eyes were absent as they conversed. Da On couldn’t help but to feel that he was the reason for the dimmed look. And instead of being there for his boyfriend and truly talking things out, he was stuck here on president duties while Shin Woo gets to be with Tae Kyung.
So it was settled, once everyone heads back to their rooms to call it a night, Da On will struck up the courage to tell Tae Kyung how he truly feels.
Sometimes, some things are easier said than done, Da On realized. And now, it was that moment. He has been watching Tae Kyung who was holding something on the palm of his hand, staring at it contemplatively for the past few minutes. It was when Tae Kyung mumbled something about courage, Da On decided to make his presence known.
Just be honest, Da On thought to himself, mentally prepping for the conversation ahead. Even if he confesses his love to his boyfriend, but the feelings aren’t reciprocated, it’s not the end of the world. All his life, he has been giving love to others without getting back any. Loving Tae Kyung wouldn’t be any different.
Of course not, it’s not like Da On is going to get crushed with disappointment and get his heartbroken into a million pieces. Right?
“You were here. I was looking for you,” Da On said, breaking both his and Tae Kyung’s train of thoughts. Surprised by the sudden appearance of the other, Tae Kyung jumped back a little and quickly hiding his hands behind his back.
“Da On-ah,” Tae Kyung greeted his boyfriend, face slightly flustered, “you surprised me. What are you doing out here so late at night?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” Da On replied, cocking his head to the side a little. “You look bothered about something. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Ah,” Tae Kyung hesitated as he looked down at his shoes for a moment before looking back up, “I have something to say to you.”
“To me?” Da On echoed back in confusion, the feeling of slight dread slowly crept up. He knew it was probably an overreaction but it sounds strangely like a beginning of a breakup, in a “we need to talk” version. He unconsciously held his breath as he waited for Tae Kyung to continue.
But Tae Kyung held out his hand in a fist instead, “but first, here.”
A fist bump? Tae Kyung wants a fist bump before ending things with him? Even at moments like this, Da On couldn’t bear denying the request, so he did as what he was told, much Tae Kyung’s amusement.
“Pabo,” Tae Kyung snorted, turning his palm upwards and opening his hands to reveal a simple teal bracelet.
“What’s this?” Da On asked, still feeling confused with the current situation.
“It’s yours,” Tae Kyung simply said as though that was enough of an answer.
“Mine?” Da On replied, looking dumbfounded. His eyes widened when his boyfriend nodded and carefully loosened the bracelet to fit through his hand that was still lifted in the air.
“Don’t say that. I’ll cherish this gift,” Da On reprimanded his boyfriend when the latter attempted to brush off the worth of the bracelet. It was the first time Tae Kyung had given him a gift outside of an occasion which made this bracelet extra special. “Thank you for thinking of me. I’ll wear it every day.”
At the promise, Tae Kyung gave a smile to the latter, looking slightly relieved that Da On seem to genuinely appreciate his gift. “To me, thinking of you isn’t that big of a deal. I hope you know that I think of you every day. I could be doing something as mundane as math when you pop into my mind and I can’t help but to wonder if you’ve done your studying for the day, if you remembered to take your breaks.”
Tae Kyung hesitated slightly, biting his lips as he contemplated if he should continue.
“Earlier in our relationship, you once said that nothing truly belonged to you.”
Da On gulped when Tae Kyung reached out to grab his hand with both of his hands. His grip gentle but firm.
“That’s why I want to belong to you.”
He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his breath hitched at the next words that came out of Tae Kyung’s mouth.
“Because I love you Shin Da On.”
Da On froze as he allowed the words to properly register in his mind. There was no pauses, no hesitation, no room for miscommunication. With the way Tae Kyung was looking at him earnestly, Da On could feel his eyes slowly welling up. It was as though time stopped for Da On and honestly doesn’t mind. He wanted to remember this moment and this feeling forever the way it was. It was in this moment when the uncertainty in his heart all these while became clear.
“Just be honest.”
He has Tae Kyung’s love and it was only right for Tae Kyung to know that he has his as well.
“Tae Kyung ah,” Da On shakily called out, “the thing I wanted to say to you is-“
“Da On,” a voice called out, pulling both boys’ attention away from each other, “the owner of the house is asking about something. I think you should come.”
When Da On promised he’ll be there soon and the messenger has left, Da On gave Tae Kyung an apologetic smile. “Wait for me? We’ll talk later.”
Tae Kyung nodded and gently pushed the reluctant Da On away, “I will. I’ll wait for you in the room. I need to make sure that Namgung doesn’t try to take my bed.”
“Make sure you save a spot for me next to you,” Da On said, lifting his hand that was still being held by Tae Kyung and pressing a kiss against his knuckles.
Unfortunately by the time Da On was done talking with the owner of the house, Da On finds Tae Kyung and the others sound asleep in their own bed, or in Tae Kyung’s case, the couch. He does note that there was an empty mattress next to Tae Kyung’s, with Da On’s bag pack at foot of it. Carefully walking towards Tae Kyung, Da On kneeled next to him.
“I’m sorry for being late,” Da On whispered, watching as Tae Kyung shifted in his sleep, turning to lie on his side. When Tae Kyung remained asleep, Da On smiled softly at the sight in front of him. One of his favorite past times with Tae Kyung was being given the permission to watch the latter sleep. It was an honour for Da On to be allowed to see Tae Kyung without the usual guarded look he gives to the world and instead have a look of absolute peace and serenity.
Brushing Tae Kyung’s bangs away from his face, Da On gently pressed a kiss on his forehead, slightly above the bandaid.
“I love you too Woo Tae Kyung.”