Chapter Text
Four days had gone by without so much as a peep from Elliot.
Not a worried text message or phone call in sight.
Kathleen had checked in on her a few times, and they had made plans to meet for coffee soon.
And Eli had texted her to let her know that he was with Maureen and Carl safely.
He said he already missed the city and her shitty couch.
She had chuckled before shoving the phone in her pocket and returning to work.
But not a single goddamn word from Elliot.
Which is why, when she walked into the parking garage and started heading for her car, she was shocked to see him leaning against it.
She had kind of gotten used to the radio silence.
It was almost like things were normal again.
“Liv.” She let out a sigh as she made her way toward him.
“Elliot, I called you back last night.” She had done her part in trying to keep in touch, trying to check up on him and make sure he was okay, but he never called her back. “Did you get my message?”
“I know, thanks…” Yeah, thanks, thanks for fucking ignoring me asshole. “I just… I didn’t… I didn’t want to do this over the phone.”
She wanted to ask him why not, but then she remembered that they hadn’t had a single important conversation with each other lately that hadn’t happened in person.
This was becoming a thing.
“Okay. Tell me.” She had heard what he had said about Lenski, and she had tried to ask him about it when he had showed up to her apartment that night.
But the boys had been fast asleep and she had been overwhelmed and Elliot had been awfully emotional and she had just figured it was for the best if neither one of them addressed it right now.
“What’s going on?” Kathleen had said that he had been quiet with her too, only answering her with one or two word responses, barely acknowledging her when she showed up at the hotel. “Sacha Lenski was in the window watching?”
“He saw her.” The pain in his eyes broke her heart and she let out a sigh, this couldn’t be good. “He saw her getting into the car.”
She sighed as she shoved her hands in her coat pockets.
She mostly just wanted to keep herself from holding his hand, because it was really fucking tempting right now.
“Elliot, that doesn’t prove that she was the target.” It sure as hell sounded like that was the case though, but she didn’t want to break this already fragile man anymore.
“Liv, he knew it was her.” He was mad, angry, seething, and she felt her heart break for him. “He saw her in the car. And I don’t know why. It makes no sense. Why would anyone wanna kill Kathy?”
She had been asking herself that question for almost three weeks now and yet she still didn’t have an answer,
“Elliot, listen to me.” He gave her a look and she pulled her right hand from her pocket, reaching out for his left one slowly. “Whatever evidence you have, Elliot, it’s not your case.”
He was going to get himself in deep trouble if he kept getting involved like this.
He shook his head and she sighed.
“You have to give it to Intel.” She squeezed his hand, hoping that she got her point across, but he simply sighed.
“I did.” He sounded defeated, so very defeated, and she hated it. “I just feel as Moening is shining me. I don’t even know where they are with the case.”
“You’re not supposed to.” Didn’t he get that? Didn’t he understand that there was a reason that they were keeping him in the dark?
“You got connections over there.” Oh really, so he was just going to use her, she didn’t think so. “Just reach out to ‘em.”
“I can’t.” She dropped his hand as she contemplated just walking away from him right then and there.
He stared at her, his eyes darkening as he silently pleaded with her to help him.
But there was nothing she could do right now, no matter how badly she wanted to help.
“You have no idea how many people are telling me to stay away from this.” Fin was supportive of her helping Elliot, but not her working this case, and don’t even get her started on Garland. “To stay away from you.”
And Rollins and Kat, they had expressed concern in her being so involved in this grieving man’s life.
They didn’t know Elliot like she did though, they didn’t understand.
Despite everything he had put her through, she couldn’t walk away from him.
“Who’s telling you that?” His question was soft as his hand tightened its grip on hers. “Who’s telling you that?”
She knew that everyone meant well, but she was so conflicted.
Elliot needed her, whether he would admit it or not.
But she also knew that she was getting attached, again, way too easily.
She was just waiting for the bottom to drop out from under her and leave her with nothing, again.
“Elliot, did you hear anything that we said to you the other night?” Because honestly, she didn’t remember much at this point except for his random ‘I love you’.
He dropped her hand like it was made of fire and backed away from her, his head shaking as he bit his bottom lip.
“I don’t wanna talk about the other night.” That’s funny, because he wanted to talk about four nights ago when he had crawled into her bed in the middle of the night.
“Elliot, you have to take care of yourself.” She started walking toward him but he kept retreating backward, it was almost as if he was afraid of her getting too close. “I’m begging you to slow all this down.”
He stopped moving and stared her down, his eyes not blinking as he stared into her soul.
God she hated it when he did that.
“Go home.” And she meant home, not her couch, or the office, but back to his place. “Eat something. Get some rest, Elliot.”
There was a fat chance in hell of either of those happening, but she would send in the reinforcements if she needed too.
She couldn’t let him lose himself to this.
She couldn’t lose him to this.
“You have to do this for yourself.” He didn’t seem to care though, his eyes still staring at her as he let her lay into him. “For your kids.”
Maybe that would be enough motivation for him, lord knows he wasn’t going to get help just because she wanted him, no, needed him too.
He blinked back a round of tears that she had just noticed and she sighed.
“Elliot, please…” The next thing she knew his hands were on her cheeks and he was standing close, so very close, his forehead falling to hers as he let out a strangled sob. “You cannot let this consume you.”
Her whispered words seemed to be the match that lit the spark because then his lips were against hers and she couldn’t even begin to fathom what was happening.
Twenty three years.
Twenty three long, tortuous, fucking years.
That’s how long she had been waiting for this to happen.
And yet, here they were, in the cold and dingy parking garage and his hands were frozen against her face and hers were still by her side.
He pulled back just as quickly as he moved to her though, backing away from her like she was something he might break if he so much as looked at again.
“Elliot…” It wasn’t what she had expected to happen, that’s for sure, but it had happened, he couldn’t just walk away now.
“I hear you.” Um, excuse me, what? That had nothing to do with the fact that he had just fucking kissed her.
“Good.” But she guessed it was something, right?
“Are we good?” Well, no not exactly.
“I hope so.” Because, well, he had just kissed her and all, and dammit if she wasn’t silently begging him to come back for more.
He walked away with a simple wave of his hand and she didn’t understand how it could all be that easy.