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It’s the middle of October, the chill air is howling outside as he tosses and turns within the warm blankets that are consuming him.
He can’t sleep, his mind won’t be quiet enough, won’t just shut up enough so he can drift into sleep.
It’s been like this for weeks now, he tosses and turns, the sun begins to shine so he just gets out of bed and downs an energy drink. The only thing is, he looks like complete death, the bags under his eyes are bright purple against his rather fair skin tone. He knows this isn’t healthy, but what else is he supposed to do when he streams for a living while also being an extreme insomniac.
Sapnap was the first to notice that his best friend started to form into some sort of walking corpse. At first he didn’t know how to bring it up, he didn’t want to offend Karl but he was so worried, I mean when was the last time he got sleep? He asks him over dinner one Friday night, Karl usually doesn’t stream on Friday’s so it was a perfect opportunity.
It was not.
Karl gets defensive, telling him that he is getting sleep; he just wakes up early so he can “get a head start” but Sapnap doesn’t buy his bullshit lie. He can see right through him, but he doesn’t press the issue, just continues eating dinner in silence until they both go their separate ways.
Week three, Karl finally loses his mind. He begins to sob uncontrollably into his pillow, allowing the tears to flow like a waterfall. He’s so exhausted but he doesn’t know what else to do, he’s tried all the sleeping medications you could think of but still, nothing.
He doesn't hear the soft knock on his door, nor hear the man walking in until he's gently rubbing his back. He knows who it is, can hear him whispering incoherently in order to try and calm him down. Eventually it works, he slowly sits up, still wrapped in his blanket; not looking at his best friend.
“You okay karl?” His voice is soft as he speaks, it makes Karl’s chest hurt. He’s too afraid to talk, knowing his voice is probably hoarse, he nods instead. Sapnap sits next to him, never removing his hand from his back. He stays there for a while, just rubbing gentle circles against his clothed skin.
Karl’s sucked back into his own horrid thoughts, he feels selfish right now, it’s late and he woke the poor boy up. He feels tears start to form once again, he doesn’t bother to wipe them; just lets them fall against his cheeks with his eyes closed.
Sapnap gently wipes the tears away, what did he do to deserve him, “what’s wrong karl? Why are you crying again?” His voice is so soft it makes Karl want to scream.
“I’m sorry I woke you up” he says while staring down into his lap, he doesn’t want to face him, not when he feels so selfish right now. “Hey, it’s okay; I'm always here for you Karl. Want me to sleep here tonight?” He slowly unravels Karl from his blanket as he asks the question, at first Karl wants to decline, but then he remembers Sapnap offered so he nods his head yes.
Once he’s untangled himself from his blanket, he scoots over, leaving enough room for Sapnap to slide in next to him. Karl’s about to turn over and try his hardest to sleep when he feels a pair of hands guide him the other direction. He’s facing Sapnap now, his arm is opened as he gently pulls Karl in to rest his head on his chest.
It’s not like they have never cuddled before, it’s just been a long time since they did so it feels somewhat foreign. Karl relaxes against his chest, quietly listening to the thumping of his heartbeat. Sapnap rubs gentle circles against his lower back again, his eyes start to become heavy.
“Thank you” is the last thing he mutters before he drifts off into sleep.
The light is bright when he finally opens his eyes, he notices how much warmer he is until he remembers who else is in the bed. Their legs are tangled together, Sapnap is still sleeping as he listens to his steady heartbeat. He snuggles closer to him, trying to chase the heat, slowly drifting back to sleep once again.
Sapnap is gently playing with his hair when he wakes for the second time, he giggles when he accidentally tickles him. Sapnap gives him the biggest smile, “good morning pretty boy” the nickname slips from his lips before he can even stop himself, but he shows no signs of regretting it. It makes Karl’s stomach flutter with butterflies, his face suddenly becoming much hotter than the rest of his body.
“Good morning to you too” he beams back, fluttering his eyelashes in a cute way which only makes Sapnap’s stomach do backflips.
“How did you sleep” the question is genuine, he’s concerned which makes Karl a little sad. “I slept really well.” He smiles before speaking again, “actually that’s the first time I’ve gotten a full night's sleep in the past three weeks” his voice goes quiet as he waits for Sapnap to reply, the waiting makes him nervous.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner, I could have helped you” he sounds like he’s going to cry which only saddens Karl.
Karl presses a kiss to his chest, “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to worry you” the guilt runs through his veins, he doesn’t want to cry but that doesnt stop the tears from forming. He knows he was selfish to keep it to himself, but he just didn’t want to worry his best friend with his current issue.
Sapnap plays with his hair, gently massaging his scalp which drives Karl insane, he melts under his touch and Sapnap knows it. “Karl I need to confess something”
“Yes?” Karl’s turns to face him, more serious this time as he watches Sapnap struggle to figure out what to say. “Never mind it can wait, i'm gonna go shower okay?” And with that he climbs out the bed rather quickly, Karl barely has time to process what just happened before he replies quietly, “oh okay”
Karl lays there, unmoving from his new position on the bed.
He goes live early, needing to distract his mind from the incident that had occurred only hours ago. He wasn’t avoiding Karl, but he hadn’t left his room almost all day. Karl didn’t want to press so he left him be, hoping he hadn’t fucked anything up.
The stream went better than he had expected, chat was super understanding about him wanting to end early, and he enjoyed just having one on one time with them. Saying his goodbyes he finally turns everything off, staring into space.
His mind wanders to him, the boy that lives in the next room over, to his lips, eyes, hair, all the way to his pretty hands. He’s so lost and he knows it’s wrong to think of his best friend this way, but he can’t help it. He’d always had a crush on him, I guess you could say he’s fully aware how fucked he is. He’s in love with his best friend, it’s not a new concept for him, but he definitely is too afraid to say anything.
He pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind, wanting to bury them as far back as he can. He doesn’t want to lose his best friend, so he continues to suffer silently. Every time he hears that tinder notification on Sapnaps phone it puts a knife right through his heart. Sapnap knew he liked boys but as far as he knew Sapnap was the straightest man he’d ever met.
Sapnap on the other hand was definitely not straight, he was most definitely into guys. Guys that had brown fluffy hair and were too tall for their own good. Guys that giggle so loudly it makes him want to pepper kisses on his face, Sapnap was down bad for the boy he lives with.
He knew Karl was a touchy person, he had never minded it, still doesn’t mind it but he wishes the touches had more meaning behind them. He wants to freely kiss the boy whenever he pleases, to cuddle him and fall asleep with him wrapped in his arms every night.
A tinder notification pulls him from his thoughts, he really hates having this stupid app, might even delete it soon. The random hookups he has are only because the person he really wants doesn’t feel the same, he knows this.
Sighing, he swipes out of the app and locks his phone, he almost slipped up and told Karl how he felt which only caused him to spiral out of control within his mind. He wasn’t trying to avoid the older, but he was too afraid to face him, so he stayed in his room.
He’s so lost in his own mind, he’s not sure what to do anymore so he calls the one person he can always vent too, Dream.
It rings a few times before he finally hears the other line pick up.
“Hey sapnap what’s up?” His cheery voice was sprang out through his phone speaker, he wasn’t sure he could do this but he has no other choice.
“Hey, um I need some advice” the line goes silent for a moment, movement is heard on the other end before he speaks again.
His voice is serious now, “of course, what can I help you with?” He knows he can count on Dream to keep this between them so he takes a deep breath and spreads his heart out on a silver platter for Dream to hear.
“Damn dude, and you haven’t tried to talk to him about how you’re feeling?”
“I don’t want to lose him Dream” he’s running his hands through his hair now, he’s stressed. His mind is mush as he tries to come up with any excuse to not confess to Karl himself.
Dream hums, like he’s thinking of something else to say. “Honesty Sap, you gotta just talk to him. You guys have been friends for so long and even if he doesn’t feel the same, which I think he does; it’s not like Karl would just stop being your friend”
He knows Dream is right, but he’s so afraid, it makes him nauseous. He nods his head even thought Dream cant see him, “fuck, yeah okay. You’re probably right” his voice is shaking as he speaks. “It’ll be okay Sap, let me know how it goes after you talk”
Dream ends the call before he can get another word out.
I’ll do it tomorrow
He shakes his head and flops down on his bed, he’s so tired but his mind is running in circles.
Karl eats dinner alone, he knows Sapnaps awake cause he can hear him talking to someone, so he eats alone.
He knows he fucked up, knows he must have said or done the wrong thing which made Sapnap uncomfortable.
He doesn’t want to overthink it but his mind has thoughts of its own, gross, degrading thoughts.
A shower will help, at least that’s what he hopes.
The water is way too hot for comfort, but right now he doesn’t care, lets the scorching hot water turn his skin bright red. Thoughts come rushing to his head as his soapy hands rub across his body, it’s hot and steamy.
He cums to the thought of sapnaps hands touching him instead of own.
He feels disgusted with himself, he just came to the thought of his best friend, he knows something is wrong with him. His mind is hazy as he dries off, Towel wrapped around his waist as he goes to leave, running into the one person he was trying to avoid.
Fuck
He avoids eye contact as much as possible, nervously laughing before attempting to speak. “You alright there Sapnap?” He looks up at him and it takes him a second to register he was asked a question.
“Oh, uh, yeah I’m okay” he can tell he’s lying but doesn’t try to push it, just slips past him until he can get to the safety of his own room. He releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding, trying to gather his thoughts before slipping into some comfy clothes and into his bed.
Sapnap is stunned, starstruck if you will, seeing Karl’s wet curly hair along with the fact the only clothing he had on was a towel wrapped around his waist was driving him completely insane. He’s seen Karl half naked plenty of times, but that was before his feelings developed, before it was too hard to breathe around him. He wishes he could turn his feelings off and just go on with how it used to be, but he’s fully aware he can’t do that.
The bed is far too cold for Karl’s liking, he wants, no he needs Sapnap. It’s selfish and he’s fully aware of it, typing and deleting the same text over and over again before he eventually just hits the send button, rereading what he sent one too many times.
Can you sleep in my room tonight? Please?
That’s all Sapnap needs to see before he's rushing out of his room to go straight into Karl’s. He doesn’t bother knocking this time, just quietly slips in before walking towards the bed.
Their eyes adjust to the darkness as they get comfortable, they are facing each other but nobody says a word.
“Hey” Sapnap whispers softly, he can hear Karl giggle from in front of him. His heart is beating so fast, he’s sure Karl can hear it at this point. Karl just stares at him, a smile slowly creeps it’s way to his face as he giggles at absolutely nothing funny.
Now or never
Sapnap leans in slowly and he swears he can hear Karl’s breath hitch, “Karl is this okay?” As much as he wants to just smash their lips together, he doesn’t want to do it without consent.
Karl’s brain short circuits, is he really leaning in for a kiss, and asking me if I’m okay with it? He’s taking too long in his own head to verbally respond so he just nods, looking at Sapnap for reassurance.
Karl leans forward and presses their lips together, the kiss is slow and soft just how he likes it, he lets Sapnap take full control of the kiss as he melts into it
Karl tastes like mint toothpaste, not that he is complaining, no he would never. His lips are soft and plump against his own chapped lips, he kisses him one last time before slowly pulling away.
Karl whines as he pulls away, still not wanting to let go but he knows they both need to catch their breath. “Sapnap….” He goes silent, unsure if he meant to kiss him as a joke or because of something else.
Sapnap takes the lead now, pulling himself together enough to stop being a coward. “I love you Karl” his words are thick leaving his mouth, but he means every word he says.
Karl is taken back, this was the last thing he was expecting from his best friend, it’s hard to process the thoughts of his own feelings, but to have them be reciprocated? He thinks this is just some kind of sick prank.
“Are you serious”
“More serious than I’ve ever been in my entire life Jacobs”
That’s when he knows this isn’t some sick prank, this is when his heart all but combusts out of his own chest. He’s smiling from ear to ear, unable to hold back the happiness radiating from within.
Sapnap giggles and he thinks he’s about to die, the man he’s loved for so long actually loves him back, he’s the one who had kissed Karl first, and Karl couldn’t be more happy.
He slots their lips together once more, with a little more force this time, the eagerness is evident. He nips and bites at Sapnaps bottom lip, pulling soft moans from his pretty mouth.
As much as Sapnap would love for Karl to take control, he’s waited way too long for this moment to pass up the opportunity to make this man a mess, so that’s exactly what he does.
He gently pushes Karl down onto his back as he climbs in between Karl’s slender legs. He’s kissing him harder, hard enough to let everyone know he’s been properly kissed.
Sapnap starts kissing along his jawline, leaving wet open kisses along his neck. Nipping and biting, leaving beautiful purple marks to let everyone know that Karl is his and his only.
Karl’s moans are breathless beneath him, his fingers are running through his dirty blonde locks gently pulling when he bites down on his sweet spot. Karl is a mess without even being touched yet, that only drives him more crazy.
Sapnap slows things down a bit, too afraid to take things too far, he rests his head in the crook of Karl’s neck; breathing heavily. Karl catches his breath, giggling to himself.
God I fucking love him so much
“Sorry Karl, I didn’t mean to get too ahead of myself” Karl just giggles in response, kissing his temple gently. “It’s okay, but I do think we should wait before going further.”
Sapnap chuckles at that, slowly getting off Karl only to bring him onto his chest like the night before. Karl doesn’t object, making himself comfortable against his side before speaking again, “I love you too.”
He smiles down at Karl, planting a kiss atop his now almost dry brown curls. He loves me, he thinks to himself.
They end the night talking things out and before Sapnap falls completely asleep, he snaps a picture of him and Karl cuddling and captions it.
He's finally mine <3