Chapter Text
Never have I ever.
Been happy.
Been at peace.
Been anything more than a mistake.
Never have I ever.
Been anything more than a disappointment.
Never have I ever.
Been a person worth loving.
Never have I ever.
Been anything more than a sidekick
to a hero that left for someone better
left behind like the garbage I am.
Never have I ever.
Been anything more
than exactly what she always told her I was
over all those years
of pain, hurt, abuse.
Never have I ever
been loved before.
Never have I ever.
Never have I ever.
Tears well up in tired eyes.
“Never have I ever,” I said into the empty room full of nothing
but my own echoing voice,
“Have I missed her this much.”
-----
Good morning, my dear.
Did you sleep well last night?
Or was it spent tossing and turning again?
Did your mind fill with her happy face?
Did it fill you with joy that left as quick as it’d come?
Your mind tortured you again, didn’t it?
How did you sleep last night?
Was it full of nightmares that made you thrash again?
Was it full of long nights spent yearning for something better?
Your glowing eyes in the darkness
are just as beautiful then as they are now.
Aren’t they?
You think of times of struggle
you think of times of pain.
Do you regret it? Do you regret any of it?
Of course you do. Of course you stay up
thrashing in your sleep
wondering, just wondering
if you, such a terrible person
ever deserved the love she could give you.
So there you are
with your glowing eyes and your long hair
matted with sweat
wondering and yearning
for something better.
There you are
yearning for something different
and her face to be beside you again.
-----
There’s something more for you out here
I promise.
She holds you and you feel it bubble from your chest
something so, so, beautiful.
You can’t stop the tears that flow
you can’t stop the way they fall from your eyes
the way you screw them shut and hold on tighter
begging and hoping she won’t let go first.
But she doesn’t.
She doesn’t let go.
And as she strokes your wild hair
matted with sweat and smelling badly because you haven’t showered
in God knows how long
she tells you she loves you.
She tells you she loves you
that she won’t let go.
That she’ll never let you go again.
And when you ask her
“You promise?”
She holds you closer, tighter, and, with tears of her own
mutters,
“I promise.”