Work Text:
It’s been a month since that shitshow of a wedding. A month since they last saw each other. Mickey have seen him with Mandy one day and wanted to go talk to him alone, just the two of them but Ian made up some stupid lie to avoid him. It hurts. After all that happens, Mickey can’t get him out of his head. He wants to see him, to be with him. He wants to have sex with him cause that’s the only way he knows how to show how much he cares. He’s stuck in his stupid house with his pregnant whore of a wife and his homocidal dad and all he wants is just to leave, to go see him. He doesn't care where, when or how long. He just wants him, like he never wanted anything in his life. But he can’t. So he just looks at the picture of Ian that he hid and he tries to remember how it felt, how it was. And he hopes that one day Ian will come back to him even just for one day, even just for one night. He craves his touch more than anything. He loved it when Ian would touch his shoulder or his back or his hand and he doesn’t want to think about it cause he’s not a pussy but once again, no one will call him a pussy as long as it stays in his head. So he lets himself think. He lets himself feel the loss, feel the need, feel the longing, feel the love ? He’s not even sure he knows what that word means but he knows that Ian is special to him. He knows he never felt that for anyone and he knows he won’t feel that for anyone else, possibly ever. And he’s just so pissed off about that fucking life that shows him what happiness is just to rip it all away from him. He’s fucked for life ; he knew it from the start but when he was with him, he actually thought something good could happen to him. He shouldn’t have been so gullible.
Ian was back to his routine. Study, ROTC, work and family. He has to keep it up one more year and then he will be able to enlist to join the military like he wanted for so long. So maybe he won’t be able to be an officer, go to West Point, maybe he’s not smart enough. But he will be a good soldier, he knows it. Nothing else matters anymore. Especially not Mickey. It’s over. He has to forget him. And he actually managed to forget about him for a few days and then he saw him. All his resolutions went to shit. So he left, he didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to fall again for that man. It hurt way too bad and nothing would ever change. Mickey would never choose him. Ian would give him everything he has. But Mickey is in the closet. He is deep down in the closet. He is afraid and he’d rather beat the shit out of him than admit it. Admit there is something between them. Admit he loves him. And Ian loves him so much, it hurts. He doesn’t want to think about it. Once again, he is getting ready to go to boystown, find someone to suck his dick or bend over to help him forget about the south side trash he fell for.
A few months pass by, and nothing has changed. Mickey is still thinking about Ian so damn much. He drinks everyday, most times at the Alibi. Yesterday, he was rambling about how much he liked fucking red head and minutes after that he is in the bathroom with a red head skank asking her to pound his ass. Fuck. It can’t happen again. He can’t keep up like that. He needs a good pounding. He needs Ian. He wants him even more than before. Maybe it’s time to go see him. To try again. Maybe this time, Mickey is ready to give him more. Maybe Ian will take it. Maybe Ian will take him.
Is it fucked up that Ian doesn't give a shit about him. I mean, they have been fucking for a while now. The guy is good. He is nice, he is kind, he is a good lay. And yet, Ian only thinks about dumping him. Like the sex is good but that’s it. The guy is starting to become clingy. He wants to hang out, watch movies, go to restaurant and Ian just wants to fuck him and leave. So that day, he decides he’s dumping him. The sex is good but it’s not worth it. So as he goes down the stairs going to open the door, he prepares himself for a loaded conversation. But it was Mickey at the door. Not that guy, Mickey. What the fuck is Mickey doing here? What does he want? A glimmer of hope installs itself in Ian and he can’t believe that just looking at Mickey makes him feel so much more than any other guy ever could. He feels alive like he is taking a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“Mickey ?”
And here he is, that beautiful man he can’t stop thinking about. He didn’t think about what to say to him. He didn’t really think before running to the Gallagher house. He probably wouldn’t have come if he stopped to think. But here he is, in front of Ian. Just looking at him soothes him. He loves him, of that he is sure. He just doesn’t know how to say it.
“Hey”
Just one word and Ian can’t look away from him. Nothing else exists in the world, not even the guy standing behind him.
“Hey”
Ian is calm, he didn’t close the door on his face. Maybe this time, they can talk, figure something out. Maybe this time, it will work.
“Hey Ian”
Oh fuck, it’s the guy. He knows he’s supposed to break up with him but he couldn’t care less right now…
“Hey, I didn’t see you there, come in, I’ll be there in a second”
Mickey has no idea who that guy is. And frankly he wouldn’t care if the guy didn’t just kiss Ian on the lips. A part of Mickey just breaks down in an instant.
Shit ! Ian thinks. The timing couldn’t have been worse. He sees Mickey’s face crumble down and he is not sure what to think about it.
“That you boyfriend ?”
Stating the obvious seems like the only way to go at that point.
“Sorta”
Maybe it’s not the right time to explain he is actually his soon to be ex.
Ian has forgotten him, he found a new guy. Of course, he found a new guy. A guy who was not afraid to kiss him, not even in public. Mickey has never felt so defeated. Maybe he wasn’t ready for that rollercoaster of emotion. But he was here, in front of Ian and he couldn’t let that go. Not this time.
“I need to talk to you”
Well, that’s new. Mickey wanted to talk, since when ?
Awkwardly, Ian just asks “ You… wanna come in ?”
“Probably not a good idea to let me near your boyfriend”
And he states it as fact, he’ll probably just beat the shit out of the guy. And Ian just laughs at that and makes the little flame in Mickey rise again. He smiles, and for a second there it’s just them, Ian and Mickey and nothing else.
“Well I’ll just grab my coat then”
Ian probably shouldn’t be so willing to talk to Mickey but after all this time he doesn’t know how to stop himself. Plus, it’s only a talk, maybe he needs that, for closure. When he opens the door, Mickey’s gone and he hates it. But then he looks at the stairs and he sees him sitting on the porch. And he breathes again.
“Kinda cold for a hangout outside” Ian says while sitting on the porch next to Mickey.
“Yeah, I guess”
But Mickey wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“So what did you wanna talk about?” Ian asked expectantly.
Mickey didn’t know what to say. He had not thought about it, and the sorta boyfriend kinda threw him off. “I just…”
Ian waited for the end of that sentence, but it felt like it wouldn’t come. He was freezing and he wanted to hear Mickey out but he didn’t think he could talk to him. So he looked back at the house thinking he should go back there, dump the guy and invite Mickey over. If this is gonna be long at least they will be warm.
At the same time Mickey started to panic, feeling Ian getting impatient. He definitely didn’t want a replay of their last conversation so he just looked up and blurted the first thing that came to his mind :“I miss you”.
And time stopped for a second for Ian and for once he didn’t overthink and answered honestly and sweetly while looking him in the eyes : “I miss you too”.
Relief was a feeling Mickey hadn't felt in a while. It gave him the strength to keep going. “I just … I can’t stop thinking about you”
It felt good to hear it so once again he answered honestly : “I can’t stop thinking about you either”
“Oh yeah ? What about the boyfriend ?” Mickey didn’t miss a beat, how can he say that when his “boyfriend” is waiting for him in his house.
Ian genuinely forgot about him. Oh well, let’s keep being honest : “I was gonna dump him tonight anyway”
Hopeful, Mickey ask : “Really ?”
Ian feels so confident at this moment. He knows what he wants and is not afraid to say what he doesn’t want. “Yeah. He’s too clingy. Plus I’m not sure I want anything serious at that point. I’m enlisting in 5 months anyway. Probably not a good idea to have a boyfriend at home”
And that crushed Mickey who looked down again. But at the same time he realised he was the one who refused to be Ian’s boyfriend. It was time to correct that. “I… I wanna be your boyfriend”
“What?” Mickey whispered it, he wasn’t sure he heard him right. He definitely didn’t want to get his hopes up.
“I wanna be your boyfriend” this time he looked Ian in the eye and his voice didn’t falter.
It was too good to be true and that made him remember the harsh reality “You’re married Mickey”
“Who gives a shit about that bich” To Mickey nothing else mattered and definitely not her.
“You’re gonna be a father soon” There were so many obstacles to them being boyfriends, how can Mickey forget
“Who says the kid’s even mine” What can he say to make Ian understand that nothing else mattered.
“You live with your father” Ian didn’t want to think about Terry. That fucker destroyed what they had and set it on fire.
“He’s in the joint” Why is Ian stirring shit up ? He needs to make him believe that nothing can get between them ever again.
“So what, you wanna be my boyfriend till your dad gets out” because Terry was getting out and Ian didn’t have the strength to go through all that again.
“No!” Why isn’t Ian listening to him? He needs to refocus the conversation “I mean… I just wanna be with you.” And he sees Ian softening and realise that he is not above begging. “ Just tell me what you want ? I’ll fucking do it !”
Taken aback, Ian answered without thinking, jutting out his chin “Really, anything I want ?”
Ok, that was suspicially quick, that look in Ian’s eyes makes Mickey unconfortable all of the sudden so he just blurts : “What the fuck are you thinking about ?”
Ian really didn’t think it through but at that moment what he really wanted was obvious “I wanna go out , to boystown, and I want you to come with me “ Because for once in their lives, he wanted to be seen with Mickey, as a couple. Plus it was a good test, if Mickey said no then he was obviously not there yet and Ian wouldn’t lose his time if nothing would come out of this.
Still stunned, he wasn’t sure what Ian was thinking right now.“ You fucking serious ? “
“ Damn straight “ Ian was all in. One time offer, take it or leave it. This is the moment of truth.
The look in Ian eyes made the decision so easy for Mickey “ Ok, let’s fucking go”. Mickey didn’t want to go there. He wanted to go some place just the two of them, talk it out and touch him and be touched by Ian. But he would really do anything for the man he loved and seeing Ian's face lit up, he knew he did the right thing.
Ian was laughing by now and none of them remembered the boyfriend in the house as they headed to the club.