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Sometimes Yeonjun finds himself pondering his friends.
Soobin, who goes out to eat at diners that he can’t afford to pay for, who scolds Yeonjun for stealing even though Soobin has his fair share of thefts too. He gives in after a while and has fun with whatever Yeonjun had taken that time. At first it irritated Yeonjun- the fact that Soobin is hypocritical like that. But then he realized that maybe it isn’t the act of stealing that Soobin is upset about; maybe it’s Yeonjun putting himself in danger of being caught, or arrested, or any range of other, much worse possibilities, in order to get these things that he doesn’t necessarily need to survive.
Yeonjun doesn’t think that he would be able to explain that he does need to steal to survive. Without the rush of adrenaline there isn’t much else to live for.
Beomgyu, who just wants to be able to put his music out for people to enjoy, who is able to understand Yeonjun’s situation the best out of them all. Neither of their parents are the best at, well, being parents. While Yeonjun’s aren’t like that purposefully (they argue too much, they don’t pay attention to him when they do, maybe he’s glad about that part), Yeonjun has his sneaking suspicions that things at Beomgyu’s house aren’t as oh, he just says some mean things sometimes, it isn’t that bad as the younger tries to convince him. Because, despite what Beomgyu seems to think, Yeonjun isn’t an idiot. He isn’t going to believe that he fell off of his bike that many times.
Yeonjun hates, hates, hates that he isn’t able to help Beomgyu more. He’s the oldest, the protector. When I ditch this dumb town, I’m taking him with me, Yeonjun resolves. It’ll get better for both of us, I’ll make sure of it.
Taehyun, who spends most of his time skating just to distract himself from the world, who tries so hard to not let the whispers get to him. When he broke his arm a week ago skating he got hurt, yes, but physical pain is temporary. People from school holding him down to the scorching sidewalk on a 90 degree day, laughing at him as his skin turns red and the tears gather in his eyes, as he furiously tries to blink them away, stomping on his hand and holding his arm still, just to write LOSER on his cast- that doesn’t go away so easily. Taehyun had scoffed when Yeonjun asked him who did it, saying that they weren’t worth his time. He took a red sharpie and wrote a V over the S and called it a day, but Yeonjun still sees him staring at his arm sometimes, an unreadable look on his face.
Yeonjun knows that eventually Taehyun is going to have to admit that he’s not as invincible as he acts, and Yeonjun knows that he’ll be there for him when he does.
Hueningkai, who works a dead-end job for minimum wage, who has the kindest heart that Yeonjun knows of in this town that they’re unlucky enough to reside in. Kai tells him about his weekend at school on Mondays, and it’s always the same story: Not many customers came in, and that made the manager angry. He’s always angry at something or other. He pushed around that girl again, the one who shares my shift. I’ve told you about her. She looked like she was about to cry, and I wanted to say something to her, but I couldn’t think of anything. Does that make me a bad person? And Yeonjun responds with the same thing every time: No, it doesn’t. You’re the best person I know, Kai. Any day now, Kai is going to work up the courage to stand up for that girl and Yeonjun will have to help him with the fallout.
Yeonjun has been preparing for that since the first time he heard about the girl. He knows Hueningkai too well to think that he’s going to stand by and do nothing forever.
They get to hang out all together from time to time. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does Yeonjun feels like he’s on top of the world.
Sometimes he goes days on end without seeing them. Sometimes it feels like he’s never left alone. Sometimes he wakes up after a sleepover with them and no one is there. Only the stuff that he himself touched last night has been moved. He thinks he dreamed it all. But then he goes into a diner or a skatepark or a house and one of them is there.
Yeonjun looks out from the edge of town and ponders his friends, and what could lie beyond these buildings and streets that he’s known all his life, and what he’s gonna do when he finally gets out.
Anything could happen tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that.
Yeonjun thinks of his life and everyone else’s lives and wonders if they’re going to be here to find out.