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It was a bit ironic, how pretty the sight before him was. The birds had long stopped singing, and the sky was painted in fuzzy pastels. Xingqiu thought he could see a rabbit disappear into the bushes from his spot on the roof of this motel. On evenings like this he could almost forget the fact that, behind the tall fences that were built up around this place, was an unforgiving world for both the living and the dead.
It looked the way the world had felt when this all started. As though everything would eventually be alright.
He played with the string that he had wrapped around his wrist. Twice for security. It used to be a light blue, but that had long faded.
Chongyun and him had been teenagers back then when it all began. The world had been caving in on itself, and despite this, despite the fear and death that had erupted around them, they had seen nothing in it but opportunity. He remembered vividly how Chongyun had taken his hand and said, as though it was the only thing that mattered,
“Xingqiu! Run away with me!”
And Xingqiu, being the lovestruck fool he was, ignored the despair surrounding them and so boldly said “Take me away.”
Amidst the chaos they had emptied their school bags and taken anything of use with them before taking Chongyun’s bike to exit the city. The roads had been too packed with cars, people, and the undead, but they had managed to slip through these obstacles with little trouble. They drove for hours, switching places whenever one of them got tired, until they were far enough from any crowded areas to think they were safe.
Then, as though they had not seen more blood in a day than they ever thought they would in their lifetime, they laughed. Fearful, anxious, terrified laughter, as though they had escaped danger. As though they were safe. As though they were nothing but boys.
They hadn’t been boys in a long time.
It was difficult to stay young in conditions like these. Their first few months were harsh despite the abundance in supplies and shelter. It was difficult, seeing Chongyun wither away with every meal they skipped. What had once been a strong, broad boy had turned to a tired, skinny man whose spine jutted out of his back when he bent over. He remembered looking into Chongyun’s eyes one day and seeing that, behind those youthful features, was the same worn expression of a man. Xingqiu was sure his own eyes and body mirrored his. Still, Chongyun had never stopped calling him beautiful.
Things got more difficult as they simultaneously also became easier. Surviving became the norm, living became an afterthought. They’d learned quickly to stay away from other survivors and only trust each other. Occasionally they’d meet people who, for some unknown reason, seemed willing to share their supplies and their stories. More often they met people whose fear had driven them mad, or those who relished in the anarchy the apocalypse had left them with.
Chongyun had cried for weeks after having had to kill a living man. It would be the first of many.
Xingqiu had held him in his arms each night, whispering words of comfort to him. He told him how grateful he was that it had been these people and not them, how relieved he was that they were both still alive, and how thankful he was for Chongyun protecting him.
“I will protect you until the end,” Chongyun had whispered, eyes determined despite the red rings around them.
Xingqiu had smiled and reached his hand out to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “And I will protect you even after it.”
Chongyun had smiled for the first time since that incident.
Smiling came easily to Xingqiu, but it never did to Chongyun. His usually blank expression morphed to something more bitter as time went on and oftentimes Xingqiu found himself worrying of what would become of them. Hunger and fear turned many people into monsters. Different ones from those that rotted in the sunlight, and yet wholly the same in the way they stalked through the roads in search for food.
Some days they snapped at each other. Some days they barely found it in themselves to keep going on together. On those days they still held each other close when night fell. Each of their mistakes were forgiven the second their fingers intertwined. Forgiveness was rare. Trust was rare. Safety was rare. They were all they had. They were all they would ever have.
Survivor numbers slowly dwindled and, three years after the world had ended, they wondered if they were the last ones left. The only good thing about that development was the amount of supplies the dead had left behind. Scavenging for things had nearly cost them both their lives many times, but it was the only option they had been left with if they wanted to keep moving.
It was during a raid that had almost gone wrong that they ran into four other survivors. They were a couple of ladies around their age who still found it within them to laugh easily. They had all been wary of each other at first but, after deciding that it would cost them too much energy to fight each other, they decided to team up and travel together.
That night they learned of rumours saying that there was a sanctuary further up north. Graffiti on walls, messages in bottles, flyers thrown into the wind, all with messages promising a safer future. For the first time in years Xingqiu and Chongyun felt a spark of hope light up in their chests.
One of the girls rummaged around her bag to pull out a bottle of whiskey. It would be the first drop of alcohol Chongyun would ever drink, and certainly not the last. They had danced and laughed the night away, finally having a place to run to tomorrow rather than wandering ahead aimlessly.
Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yanfei, these were the names of the women that joined their travels. The team of four seemed quite organised, more than he and Chongyun had ever been, and yet still they accepted them into their group easily.
They all carried around small mason jars filled with dirt and berries they had planted in there, and Xiangling had been a chef, so they rarely went hungry unless they had absolutely no ingredients to make something out of. They all taught the boys how to hunt and scavenge, and in turn they taught the girls how to craft and where to place traps.
Their nights were spent huddled around small bonfires in the middle of nowhere, Xinyan humming soft tunes to them, and Chongyun whacking Xingqiu’s shoulder when he decided to join in. They whispered stories to each other, be it from their own lives or simply ones they made up on the spot, and they all shared a drink if they had one. Xingqiu was happiest, he thinks, with Chongyun’s arms around his waist and his head on his shoulder as they watched the girls dance around the fire. The bright flames would light up their warmly coloured hair as they stumbled and laughed quietly.
“Y’know,” Hu Tao had said one night, “it’s kinda fucked.”
Yanfei laughed and turned her head to look at her, “Which part?”
Hu Tao waved her hands slightly, “The whole.. Dead thing. How they just..? Become monsters and stuff. Like, do you think they remember being alive?”
“No way!” Xinyan exclaimed, “Ya think ya’d try to eat a guy if ya knew him in life? Nuh uh!”
They laughed. Hu Tao shrugged. “I guess you’re right.”
That night Xingqiu had lain so close to Chongyun he could feel his breath on his lips, could almost count his light eyelashes despite the darkness.
“I hope we never turn,” he confessed.
He saw Chongyun smile. “Thinking about what Hu Tao said?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“I think that’s bullshit.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Chongyun reached his hand out to brush Xingqiu’s hair behind his ear. “I know you even in this darkness. I would know you even in death.”
Xingqiu frowned. “Those are two completely different things.”
Chongyun smiled. “Are they?”
When they had held each other, Xingqiu wished that they would never have to let go.
In the mornings they would all wake up to Chongyun and Xinyan having already checked all the traps they had laid out the night before, and Yanfei would pull a map of the region out to plan the rest of their day for them. Xingqiu would reach his hand out to link his and Chongyun’s pinkies together. Yanfei would drag Hu Tao away, their fingers interlocked. They pretended not to see the way Xiangling never quite managed to reach out to touch Xinyan’s hand.
They had been travelling for about four months when they reached a rundown motel with barely any dead inside. The area around them had been fenced in quite well due to the woods on the other side of the road, and the few shops nearby didn’t seem to be raided completely. There were quite a few dead around the area, but Yanfei suggested nonetheless that they would stay until the supplies ran out, and then continue their trip up north.
The noises of delight that they made upon discovering a river in the forest could not be compared to anything else in the world.
“Almost feels like we’re home,” Xingqiu had said that night. Their first night in a real bed in what felt like ages.
“Does it?” Chongyun said, crawling on top of him once he got into bed. He placed a hand on Xingqiu’s waist and squeezed lightly.
Xingqiu grinned and wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer. “Yeah. I finally got my long awaited shower, and now I’m in a real bed in a room with four walls with my pretty boyfriend in my arms.”
Chongyun hummed, “Boyfriend, huh?”
“Uh, yeah? Remember like five years ago when you begged me to date you?”
“Shut up. I'm just thinking…"
Chongyun's face became redder with every second that passed. Xingqiu reached his hand out to touch it, slightly worried. Chongyun placed his own hand over it.
"What if we.. Y'know…" He trailed off. Xingqiu knew he simply had to give him time, and so he stayed silent and waited for him to continue.
Chongyun took his hand and gently lowered it to his lips. He pressed a kiss over his knuckles. "Xingqiu.. I know it's not much but… Ah.. Well… You're my world. Everything else could collapse and it wouldn't matter as long as I have you. And that’s why.. That’s why..!"
Xingqiu's face was starting to feel terribly warm.
"Xingqiu," Chongyun whispered, and he looked up to finally meet his eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a light blue string. "It's kinda pathetic, and I know this isn't the time nor place for this but.. Will you marry me?"
Xingqiu sucked in a breath and covered his mouth with his free hand. He nodded frantically and shut his eyes tight to avoid having his tears be seen. Chongyun laughed beautifully and breathlessly as he tied the string around Xingqiu's wrist.
"I'll get you a proper ring someday," he promised, and Xingqiu shook his head.
"No, it's perfect. You're perfect."
The smile Chongyun sent him was brilliant. He couldn't help but pull him into a kiss.
It was around the end of their stay that Chongyun fell ill.
The girls had been indecisive about what to do with him. They couldn't carry a sick man around, especially in these conditions. They had asked Xingqiu to let him go, Chongyun had outright begged him for it, but he wouldn't relent.
"What if it was Xinyan, huh? Or Yanfei, or any of you?" He had screamed, fighting back his tears. "You'd just leave them?" The crack in his voice betrayed him.
He wouldn’t budge, no matter how they pleaded. They had pulled him into a tight hug before they left, wishing him all the best. He was left with a few of their traps and their berries so that he'd be able to sustain himself once the food ran out completely.
"Why didn't you go?" Chongyun had asked, voice weak.
"What's the point in going if it's not with you?" Xingqiu asked back.
Chongyun would do the same for him. He would deny it, but Xingqiu knew the truth. They were both weak in that sense.
Despite Xingqiu's care, Chongyun's condition only worsened as time went on. He wondered sometimes if perhaps the girls had been right. Deep down he knew that, if he had gone with them, he wouldn't have made it. He wouldn't have wanted to.
He began to plant things and hunt more often. Chongyun was more hungry these days, the sickness weakening his body more and more each day, so Xingqiu had to learn to provide better for the both of them.
Sometimes people came to seek shelter. Xingqiu warned each and every one of them not to step too close to Chongyun, threatening to harm them if they harmed him. They didn't like his rules, didn't like giving away their weapons when they entered, but they still did so in exchange for food and shelter for a night or so.
Some people asked him to join them when they left. He refused each time. He had to take care of Chongyun.
He should check up on him now.
He patted his pockets, yet came up empty. Smoking had become a terrible habit he’d adapted over the years. He hadn’t had a cigarette in a long time, most shops had been emptied by now, but he couldn’t help but instinctively reach for one every now and then.
Chongyun had always complained about the taste each time they kissed, saying he tasted like an ashtray. Despite that he’d always pulled him in for more.
He started making his way back to Chongyun's room.
There hadn't been any visitors in a long time. Their motel was a safe zone within a death zone, anyone still alive out there wouldn’t be in that state for long. Perhaps they might have made it to the sanctuary if they'd gone a few years ago. It was too late to worry about that now.
"Love," he whispered when he opened the door.
He smiled gently at the sight of his fiancé. His arms had been tied behind his back and against the headboard of what once was their shared bed. Over the years Xingqiu had grown used to the scent of rotting flesh, but for some reason Chongyun still managed to make his throat close up.
It was time.
Xingqiu took a deep breath as he stepped closer, closer than he had ever before, and untied Chongyun completely.
He stepped back.
It took not even a second for the man to stand up and limp towards him. He closed his eyes and braced himself. It would hurt. It would hurt a lot. But after that they would be together forever. Finally. No more pain. No more surviving. Just them.
He felt cold, stiff arms wrap around him. He held his breath.
"Xing….qiu…"
His eyes shot open. They burned. A choked sob bubbled out of his throat and he buried his face in Chongyun’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around him.
"Yeah. I'm here, Chongyun. I'm here."
He didn't flinch when he felt teeth sink into his neck.