Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If Barbara had known that leaving with the Holy Lyre would spur the downfall of her life, then she’d rather have remained miserable for another thirty seconds.

Actually, maybe she wouldn’t. Barbara was never that person.

‘It was the Holy Lyre’ was her only excuse. It preceded Mondstadt itself, being the pride and soul of the Favonius Cathedral. Tending to it was a doctrine well preserved for the deaconess, and was a duty—no, a responsibility—for a lauded title such as hers, so of course it took first priority in her life. With only few blessèd to recognise it, much less bear witness to it, taking care of it was a custom that Barbara found a great sense of pride in. It was an embodiment of her immense devotion to help Mondstadt. Her everything.

Fate had other plans for her the past few days, despite her prayers and benevolence. Barbara always thought well of her composure, until the wonderland she envisioned had been stolen. All in one night, everything had been taken from her. The Lyre had disappeared. Outsmarting the careful eyes of the guards.

All without a trace.

Once the news reached her ears the following morning, Barbara’s self-placed faith fell quicker than the withering leaves of autumn! No event should ever impede her joy — Barbara swore herself to that long ago — but truly, what else could she feel was dread?

It hurt. Badly. One sleepless night became two, and Barbara realised that even her own sleep was robbed from her. That was truly terrifying, because if one day could damage her this much, what could she lose tomorrow? Her song, dance, or perhaps her ability to heal?

That was how she spent the days of her weekend, ruminating over when Barbatos’ divine retribution would strike. The thought was ever jarring, but it was the Holy Lyre, worth more than the Mora kept in the Northland Banks! Days passed, and nothing happened, and yet enough damage was done. The dozens of hours of overanalysing, and walking in circles were wasted, curating an even more petrified Barbara, too paranoid for her own liking, and worse than any curation of Fate…

Mondstadt floated ever the merrier, but not her. Poor, naïve Barbara had once believed that time healed all wounds, but perhaps she was too far gone, the sheer number of problems spiralling into something incurable. Too sickening for her to comprehend.

Today happened to be the worst of it all: first her voice shaking during mass; then her awful speech at Church; and then her fans— oh dear, her fans…

The memory alone was too disastrous for words, but only a wandering eye was necessary to see the damage done. Barbara was exhausted, no bounce to her step, trudging along the Mondstadt streets with the faintest of smiles. Even in her stillness, she harboured nothing but worrisome thoughts, chipping at her joy, little by little.

What sort of deaconess can’t protect the Holy Lyre…? What would Barbatos say? Would history remember her as the sister who lost the Lyre?

That was the berating she chose to live with as she attempted her duties…

And then the Lyre was back. As quickly as it disappeared.

It was Celestia to see it in her arms. But Celestia within the storms of Inazuma. Despite the stress washing away, the imprint of guilt lasted beyond any relief. In that moment, she refused to tear her eyes away from the Lyre, withered and decrepit without her nursing. She refused to look back when escorting it away, cradling it in her hands. Refusing to say a simple “thank you”.

That was the first mistake.

Of course she would bounce away, leaving her friends to their own devices. And of course, they would leave without saying goodbye. Not expecting that was her second mistake.

By the time she had returned upstairs, only Jean remained inside. Barbara feigned simple ignorance to their awkward silence as she skipped away, a lilt to her tune. All that sat in the forefront of her mind was a childish thought; she wanted to see Aether and Venti again.

…

But of course, instead of creating those joyful memories, Barbara was a witness to a horrible attack.

Her heart twisted the moment she creaked the doors open. All she could do was stand atop the steps of the Church, letting the cool air bite away at her skin, biting deeper as her vision focused, as they bore fruit to the situation…

With their short-provided time together, she had never seen Aether so vulnerable. And Venti— Oh archons… Venti.

There was no smile on his face.

That alone was a terrifying sight.

Just the mere thought of such a brutal attack began her tremors, body convulsing in fear. Nothing moved. Just her eyes, staring and staring only, trying to formulate a situation she could never understand. How could this happen? Why did this happen?

Only then did Barbara see her.

A woman, uninjured and tall, stood woven in lavish fabric. A black mask concealed her face, along with long white hair that draped around her body. In an apparent moment of strength, she surveyed her work, an expression of mirth on her face as she glanced atop her unconscious bodies. She found humour in the situation — humour at the hurt of her friends.

A sudden draw of breath was quickly heard, cutting the atmosphere. She realised too late it was her own.

In one swift turn, the woman snapped her head to face her. The shivers it prompted nearly snatches a cry out of her, as the lady remained unresponsive, staring back. The acerbity in their eyes was unfathomable — murky waves of hatred, suppressed underneath the veil of valour.

And despite everything, Barbara wouldn’t dare look away. She wouldn’t dare give up that eye contact, and forget the look of her soulless irises.

…

…but did it matter? Her feet wouldn’t move. She was too weak to protect her friends — too weak to avenge her friends...

The woman was most definitely aware of her weakness. A smirk formed upon her face, and Barbara cowered with the single step the lady takes towards her. The wasps in her chest slammed hard, punishing her lack of perseverance, as the lady approached closer than close, adding pressure to her mental balance.

All the while, her silver eyes held its piercing gaze. Even atop the steps of the Cathedral, the woman looked down upon her fragile stature.

"I have no reason to wake you, Deaconess.”

And as quickly as she arrived, she had disappeared.

...

The idol stood there, staring, completely shaking, and nearly hitting the floor in the absolute depravity of it all. What had she just witnessed? It was overwhelming in a way she couldn't describe, leaving a feeling so gut-wrenchingly foreign to her heart that her vision blurred.

Thoughts began to interrupt one another: Why hadn't she been there to help them? Why had she been so intent on returning the Lyre back?

And why had she been so useless once again.

A choked sob escaped Barbara’s mouth; a sound she rarely made, but one she couldn’t help. She didn’t realise how horribly close she was to breaking until her body began to shake. It was so hard to keep together.

…

No.

10 seconds.

20 seconds.

30 seconds.

She had to stay strong. A deaconess like her needs to stay strong. An idol like her needs to stay cheerful for Mondstadt—

However, before Barbara could reassure herself any longer, a beam of light interrupted her mantra, striking her eyes with magnificent hues.

instinctively, the idol placed a hand over her eyes, yet the intensity of light emanated through her palms. Barbara hissed in pain, but shook her head and straightened up quickly — the sensation she felt was agonising, but she knew that she had to fight through it..:

The glow... it was a sign...

A call from Barbatos?

"I need to do this!"

Barbara squinted, redirecting her hands to the ground to gauge her position. Venti had begun moving, although with difficulty, whilst Aether was completely still...

And the thing producing the light... it was...

It was an object, exactly where the attacker had stood.

She gasped as she succumbed under the aura of the object, and the surge of its radiating power.

Waves of ferocious intensity crashed upon her the longer she stared, adding more sensations she had never felt before. Something was wrong. Something so wrong that tears were draining down her eyes. Her aversion to sins was already so strong, but being a witness to something so… powerful was difficult to comprehend. 

But she couldn’t fail again. She couldn’t fail Jean, and she couldn’t fail her townspeople again.

Her steps were quick and lacked composure, as she ran down the Cathedral steps, directly towards that object. More of its intrinsic features came under fruition as she ran, though her shock only came once she directly stood over the object.

A lingering confusion sharply branded itself as she stared — it seemed to be something akin to a Pyro Vision… but not quite.

Had that woman dropped her own Vision?

Many thoughts began to circulate Barbara's mind, loud and disruptive — although it’s quickly pushed aside for the desire to pick up the object. It glimmered so vividly in her hands, yet the beauty was ruined with its nauseating presence.

The idol stood her ground, concealing it underneath her dress. Something had to be done. Anything.

Barbara couldn’t save them when they needed her the most, but she can now.

And as the Deaconess of Mondstadt, she will not give up!

Chapter Text

It was a shame that the Cathedral doors shut on its own. With the echoes of the organ blaring the building down, Barbara was sure that Jean was oblivious to the commotion outside, and everything following afterwards.

But no matter. The door slammed open, and Barbara desperately heaved herself inside. Just one glance was all Jean needed to know that something was amiss, as Venti stood limp, bruised and braced against her side. Jean leapt instinctively to her side, helping Venti up with an arm of her own as they pushed against the door, revealing Aether’s unmoving body surrounded in the icy remains of the conflict.

“Set Venti beside him. Now.” ordered Jean, before withdrawing her supportive hold. Jean ran quickly, kneeling beside the unconscious blond, and repositioning him carefully.

A spark of recognition registered immediately, and Barbara quickly followed, resting Venti’s body exactly as told. An uncomfortable glance was shared, before they clasped hands over the two — they hadn’t performed this incantation since children, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and it was a life-and-death situation.

They healed silently, but Barbara wanted nothing more than to scream. Or cry. Or break into a million pieces.

Even as sisters, it was difficult to speak with Jean. But with everything that had happened, Barbara wished for somebody’s attention. That woman… her terrifying looks, her scathing words, and her object, now residing in her pocket — it all made her feel oh so sick inside!

But, as her eyes trailed up from Venti, the sight of her sister left her lost for words. Right then, with that expression on her face from earlier, she looked afraid — a distressing couplet of horror and confusion.

At that moment, Barbara wouldn’t dare speak. Even the Pyro-like Vision inside her pocket dampened its shine, as if it too wished to remain obscured. Then her mouth clenched, and her shoulders dropped. Perhaps this was the for the best.

Disturbing Jean with her own worries was… selfish.

Venti stirred awake first, disorientated but okay. It was hard to process the person Barbara was looking at, his eyes more distant than any conversation they ever shared. She couldn’t stand the sight.

With a croaked voice, he spoke a few words: ones that the idol both didn’t understand, and ones that she harboured no care for. Nothing mattered except the health of her friends; that was all she ever wanted from her friends! A smile…

“Venti, let me help you-“

Before she could say another word, a gush of wind quickly blasted from under. Her eyes shut from the pressure, but she didn’t need opening them to know what had happened. He had left. Not even a departing sentence at his leave. Barbara’s didn’t bother turning her head — she already knew it was futile. He had left.

…as expected.

…

Once Aether’s eyes blinked open, the lingering pit in her stomach appeased slightly. Gratefully, he was more compliant, giving an explanation for the unfolded events. Of course, as with Venti, none of it mattered to her — all she wanted was to convey her relief and happiness that her friend was okay!

So she sees no wrong when his first question was of Venti’s whereabouts. Just as long as she could get it through to him— 

“The woman also dropped this-“

Aether left.

“H-Hey! Please don’t go yet!” Barbara’s attempt to capture their attention was in vain.

Even with the wind at a striking still, her voice wouldn’t get through the perimeter of the Church, only straining her already-cracking voice more. She was left kneeling on the tiles of the Church, heads swarming by her own thoughts — now more than just a dropped object.

…

She… understood how important Venti's safety was, but Barbara felt a little— very— extremely dejected. And despite everything, Barbara should’ve expected it, but it still hurt! It always hurt! 

Barbara stared at the ground for a moment, suddenly interested in the cracks and marks on those durable stones. It was littered in the cracks of that aftershock, likely worn down from the abundance of people walking all over it.

Another bitter thought. With a melancholy sigh, she turned to face her sister, a big, watery smile plastered on her face.

“A-At least you’re-“

She was talking to herself.

Already she could feel the tears forming, and she forced her head down quickly, hiding her face underneath her golden tresses. No… no chance she couldn’t get upset... and absolutely not in public!

At this point, Barbara was close to accepting her Fate. This always happened. Always. She was to always stay stagnant within the walls of Mondstadt, as everyone else bloomed into their own colours.

“Venti… Aether… B-Big Sis…”  The lump in her throat held her back, refusing to let her speak any further. It only seemed to grow larger these days, and she was forced to swallow it down, hiding an unbecoming sob.

Then, as quickly as it had started, Barbara stopped. Standing up silently, she kept her face low. What a selfish endeavour it was, wanting Jean and Venti and Aether all to herself. She should be happy for them! Happy that they were able to find their own ways of cheering up!

Even when… it didn’t include her…

...

She felt disgusted with her own self-absorption, but even with the anger burning hot, she still didn’t understand why her heart felt so hollow inside.

Barbara trudged along the hallways of the Cathedral, lips pursed and head hanging low. Though Barbara wished it weren’t a regular occurrence, it would be a complete and utter lie. These days, it was a struggle to keep her emotions in check, especially during the times the Lyre was missing. Even the nuns were becoming aware of her attitude these past few days, (though one cheery gaze would whisk them away). 

Without hesitating, she entered her room. With trembling hands, she locked the door. She was in her own solitude now.

Barbara stood motionlessly, letting the silence grow. Even now, her room looked perfect. It doesn’t take long after that for her palms to be brought over her eyes, the attempts to stop her tears looping once again. This cycle has happened too many times for Barbara to count, so why did it always hurt? Why wouldn't she grow out of this?

Her feet almost failed her as she walked towards the mirror. Despite everything, Barbara still looked perfect from the outside... and yet not perfect enough.

"Stop… cheer up Barbara~.” She still ordered herself, forcing herself to look at her own reflection through her sniffling. Even the inflection in her tone felt fake…

…

10 seconds

20 seconds

30 seconds.

She smiled.

“That’s… better.”

Barbara was ready to turn to her bed, yearning to sleep her feelings away, but not before she noticed something through the reflection — a certain red glow in her pocket.

Ah right… the object.

In her own selfish grief, she had completely forgotten of its existence.

Slowly, she retrieved the item from her pocket, staring at it with an unwavering curiosity. It was glowing again, and while its intensity wasn’t nearly as bright, it was still able to envelop a ceiling of her bedroom in its crimson hue.

“Hmm.” 

Barbara sat upon the foot of her bed, inspecting the Vision-like item in her hands.

With it being far dimmer than it once was, Barbara was finally able to notice the closer details. It did resemble a Pyro Vision: its circular shape and symbol; the fiery swirls inlaid inside of it; and the way it shimmered as her own would do…

Was it even possible to lose a Vision?

Regardless, the differences were just as clear. The border of the object was unlike any she had ever seen, coated in an unsightly black! All Visions she knew of were embroiled with a remarkable gold, so what was the case with this object?

…

Corruption.

Barbara hoped that was the reason, and its repulsive aura would certainly cooberate with it. The evil that woman had committed was so unlawful that those above had disgraced her completely! But… that was wishful thinking. 

“Hmmm... what are you exactly…” Barbara furrowed her eyebrows, leaning in closer.

That’s when she finally noticed something. It was easy to miss, but runes were written directly on the black border, circular and delicate.

In her attempts to strengthen her healing, Barbara had studied many many of these before. She could just about decipher any rune in the Mondstadt libraries, so to not be able to read this case was immediately alarming. Could this be a form of… dark magic?

Her eyes followed down further, carefully attempting to read the symbols engraved on the border. Alas, no matter how hard she tried, there was not a character that made sense. Nothing made sense.

Barbara puffed her cheeks out in annoyance. "Mmh! How confusing... it's going to give me a headache."

Already prepared to give up entirely, she airily contemplated the time Jean would be the least stressed. That way, she could ask without any further awkwardness. Absently, she turned the object around, and only then did her eyes widen in shock. 

Barbara sat up immediately, leaning inwards in her curiousity. Something was there. Could she get a clue as to who the perpetrator was? Could she find out whether this truly was a vision or not?

Not yet. Directly at the top was a number “8”, written elegantly in a bold white.

Even the lettering was a striking sight: while everything had looked etched upon it, this seemed to be painted directly on top of it. The manner in which it was written also surprised Barbara; alike to Eula’s own posh, cursive writing. Barbara’s interest peaked once more, as her eyes moved quickly, looking for any other abnormalities in the item.

That’s when she noticed the other thing in white. There, in bold, was one word.

“Signora…” Barbara breathed out.

That must’ve been her name, the one who had inflicted harm to both Venti and Aether. The name reminded her of all the upper-class people from Fontaine that she had been acquainted with during one of her private shows. Could it be possible that she travelled all this way to hurt her friends and leave?

But… why?

There was something that Barbara didn’t know, and it ate away at her the more she thought about it.

Despite being the deaconess, Barbara wasn’t told many things, with all the information going to Jean and the Knights instead. It was no different this time, and Barbara almost preferred it this way. All she wanted to do was help her friends. Knowing that she wasn’t trusted by them only made her feel even worse inside… 

Somehow, even in friendship, Big Sis was better than her.

Quickly, Barbara caught herself, and she pulled herself back from the shock of her own intrusive thoughts. Oh Barbatos, she has to get rid of them! She hated to feel so much envy!

“Barbara, get a hold of yourself!”

…

Weakly, she managed a smile. It was pathetic, and most definitely forced, but something warm was nurturing her spirit. Despite its horrid aura, the beams of the object were just so... majestic, so alluring that it channeled all her morose bitterness away. She prolonged her longing stare, peering deep into the murky reds, ardently shimmering against her large cyan eyes.

This object... wouldn't leave her alone. Not like them. They wouldn't throw her to the side.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe, away from that Signora lady~.” She rubbed a finger along its ridges comfortingly, hoping to remove any dust that had settled upon it. “I’ll… protect you.” 

That was the beginning of hell.

As she spoke the final word, she felt a searing pain from her fingertips, where the Vision-like item was held. 

The idol let go immediately, but it was too late. Her eyes began widening in alarm, for the sensation began spreading across her palm. In the blink of an eye, it felt like her hand was underneath a roaring fireplace, one whose intensity only increased as her hands trembled!

Barbara gasped — a gasp which turned into a shriek, as she crumpled onto the floor. The pain had suddenly travelled down her wrists, and then enveloped her arm! 

In only a few seconds, her entire body felt as if it were aflame. Barbara slammed head-first upon the marble floor, hugging her body furiously. The ringing in her ears had muted all the sounds around her, where so could no longer hear her own howling. The pain was too much for even words.

Barbara couldn't recall a time in her life when she felt even a fraction of this pain. It was as though a person had pushed a branding iron upon her whole body, only pushing harder with every strained cry that was uttered from her mouth. It was unbearable! And yet, it only seemed to grow with intensity the tighter she crawled into that ball. Any attempt of retaliation was met with more pain and suffering.

So she remained completely paralysed, as the world collapsed around her.

…

...Within her disorientated state, Barbara could only think of one thing. How awfully foolish she had been. 

If she was anything like her Sister, she would've used her healing powers to restore her health. Instead, she had been too slow-minded. Now she could no longer concentrate hard enough to perform her incantation, and now she must live through this pain…

Barbara sobbed as the searing pain engulfed her mind, the only thought remaining a wish for it to all end.

Chapter Text

Hours passed until Barbara finally woke.

Barbara’s body gave up on itself, and all recollection she had of the moment was left extinguished. Whatever she had gone through was beyond anything she had ever felt before, leaving a numbness in her body that was both unexplainable and unsettling. All that remained were the emotions she underwent, and oh what a horrifying bout of despair it was! One deeper than the Ravines of Windvail. One of horror and unconstrained fear…

Even as she regained consciousness, her eyes remained closed: the lingering fear in her chest that the monstrous entity would return turned her into a paranoid mess. Barbatos, how she wished never to go through that ordeal again!

The desperate attempts to clear her mind only resulted in the return of more memories, each striking with greater intensity. In mere seconds, moments of clarity coloured her mind: her fingertips, the flame, the branding iron… simply recalling her suffering was enough to keep her eyes squeezed, tears forming through them.

Then followed the endless list of questions, and her mind ate every lasting thought. Feasting on her anxieties, her body tossed and turned, unable to keep it together.

Why did everything feel so relaxing?

As she catastrophised, she was quickly led to one terrifying conclusion.

Barbara's eyes snapped open.

Her bright blue eyes looked up to the glowing stars stuck onto the ceiling as a child. Despite no longer paying any thought to them, she had never felt so grateful for its existence in her lifetime. She was still… alive. Barbara’s sigh was of pure relief. The thought of the afterlife... the thought of her life, and giving up so… weakly…

Once she regained the energy, she finally sat up. The room hadn’t changed. It was the same, if not, darker with the sun setting through her window. Nothing truly seemed to have changed, except for… her.

Groaning, she began to get up, arms finding purchase on the floor. Naturally, she pushed herself up, but suddenly her body lifted from the ground, overshooting from the sheer pressure alone.

"Ah!"

Barbara slammed against the floor again, surprised by the new-found lightness of her body.

”What was—…?”

And it was that — her own weary, croaking voice — that truly came as the horrifying blow. Immediately, Barbara's brain deflected, her only thought now being the countless people she had healed, and how deliberated they sounded before her remedies. On instinct, Barbara began to cough, feeble attempts to clear her throat, and when that didn’t work, she brought a hand to her mouth. Only to slap herself in the process of it all.

"Ah!"

She voiced her pain, soothing her mouth with the same hand with flaring frustration. Why was she moving so… quickly? Each and every movement she made required less… energy than before. Instead of relief, it only filled her body with a burning sense of anxiety.

What was going on?

Barbara quickly shifted her gaze towards her hand, attempting to clear her mind. It only made it worse once she looked at her fingers.

They were charred at the ends, with light blemishes of red and yellow, much like wood set ablaze. The burns looked painful to her eyes, dimly glowing with a fiery hue, and yet no sensation could be felt. No pain. Nothing.

A light gasp escaped Barbara's mouth as she surveyed her body next. From the torturous ordeal that she faced, she had expected her entire body to be littered with burns, or at least scars! For it to only be the tips of her fingers made her stare incredulously.

The confusion in her mind only grew, and one question quickly embedded into her psyche yet again: why was everything suddenly okay? It was as though the past events were just some horrible nightmare, but that couldn’t be right. Right!?

In her desperation to understand, she sat herself up again, trying to find any logical sense. There were too many inconsistencies, too abundant for her head to wrap around, too illogical to explain away with reason. Barbara began pulling at her hair in her frustration...

Why was both nothing and everything amiss at the same time!?

...

...

Barbara didn't realise she had been holding her breath until it was too late.

Again, she began to cough hard, as she frugally tried to recuperate herself. But even then, the only thought her mind would focus on was how her throat wouldn't ache…

"W-What is this? What happened to me!?" Barbara almost shrieked.

Everything was happening too quickly, and she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. She was okay, and yet she clearly wasn’t. She wasn’t okay, and yet everything was perfectly normal. Everything was perfectly normal.

Barbara hated it.

The secrecy of others was already bad enough, but to not even understand her own body? Violently, she began to shake, pants heavier, as she descended into a second reckoning. What was this feeling? She could usually control her feelings, so why was she shaking?

"Please... Please Lord Barbatos... tell me..." Barbara whispered her darkest thought, before raising her voice suddenly. "Is something wrong with me!?"

A ring of fire erupted around her convulsing body.

Barbara stared at the fire that circled her, completely frozen in shock, before her eyes rolled up to the top of her head, and she collapsed onto the floor.

Chapter Text

Ever since that wretched day ended, so did her bubbly exterior of joy and cheer. Those charming years of self-motivation — an action that once kept her grounded in nature — swirled far away that night, gathering any remnant of joy within the sea of disgust and shame. 

From within the aftermath of ash and soot that remained, a frail girl staggered out, nervous and agitated. It weakly stumbled through Church duties, with eyes withdrawn and a hunched back, as hundreds of eyes flocked towards what had once been Barbara Pegg, now a distant observer to the joy of Mondstadt.

Narurally, it came as a shock to all: Mondstadt’s most beloved girl in town, now an anxious recluse?

But an “anxious recluse” was nothing more than an understatement.

She was an absolute wreck.

The introduction of that object spurred her own destruction, descending her to a place so low that even Klee’s antics couldn’t muster a smile out of her! Such a strong, negative emotion was already foreign to her, akin to a blanketing numbness over her shoulders, but now this was having a daunting effect on her physicality too!

Of course, the consequences of such were evident to everybody; the once-cheerful atmosphere of Mondstadt was achingly thinning away. It wouldn’t be long until a morose town remained, Barbara thought, desolate with her sudden neglect…

…What had happened to her?

She had heard the question all too often these days, and Barbara was well aware of their curiosity. However, as with every problem she faced, Barbara had no intention to reveal anything.

Because she was the deaconess. It was her duty to bring happiness to her townspeople, so it only made sense that nobody would dare be brought down with her.

Barbara woke up with a strangled cry, the second nightmare of the night. Her fear was pathetic, but nowadays the sight of red stained her every dream, then stained her cheeks with a pitiful blue.

Her sleep was… infected, plagued with a disease that wouldn’t alleviate, making her so infuriatingly weak, and so infuriatingly vulnerable, that she’d rather cry than get up! Not even a comforting tune in the morning could be performed without her voice breaking…

Slowly, her eyes fell upon the tiles on her marble floor, the ring of charcoal-black maliciously gleaming back. Every single morning was a reminder of the deep scars she had left, and her heart would lurch every time. 

There was no forgiving herself.

She had performed her own Pyro powers.

Barbara whimpered at just the thought.

Days had passed mulling over it, yet the conclusion was always the same. There was absolutely no doubt that Barbara had summoned those flames, and how the indescribable pain was a punishment from the Heavens above. She wished to tell others of her monstrous deeds. The abnormality of the girl she had become. A girl harnessing two powers.

A freak of nature that could swallow people whole in a ring of fire…

…

…

Avoiding everybody was the only way to keep them safe.

Only when the nuns yelled through her door would she appear for Church duties, but even then, she never participated, standing far from others. Observing. Regretting. Thinking. It ached not to make people smile or cheer. It hurt to be rid of Noelle or Bennett or Amber, but everything was for their sake! Twice a day, she prayed for a solution that made everybody happy; a solution that could keep everybody smiling! She was the idol of Mondstadt, so she had to be there for her people!

Alas, with every day, nothing happened. With how hard it was to pray nowadays, Barbara almost couldn’t blame Barbatos for his lack of actions. 

As such, Barbara could only accept her Fate, letting the days bleed into one another, and remain a sobbing mess atop the church balcony.

Jean had begun to knock on her door. At first, it had been every other day, then it was every morning, and then twice a day. As with every time, Barbara refused to answer. With the punishments of the Gods looming over her, She didn’t want her sister to get hurt.

It always took a couple minutes for Jean to realise there was no use, but instead of giving up, she would start talking. Words. Words so comforting, and yet so awkward. Words so soft, and yet so clumsily drawn together. Despite everything, for just that fleeting second, Barbara could almost be lulled into that place of security — a horrible, vulnerable moment — but alas, the strong-felt bitterness of her sisterhood, burning from within, always stopped that emotional wreckage of thought.

…

They were always different. That was what Mother said.

Jean… her sister could just about do anything on her own, even when the weight on her shoulders fared greater than any threat Barbara had faced. But even when the world fought against her, Jean never backed down, nor complained, thriving in those moments as if it were natural to her. Not even once. All Jean desired was the willpower to work even harder.  Everybody loved her for that.

And Barbara? All she had to do… was smile.

That was right. Whether it be a song, dance, or words of encouragement, all she was required to do was to unconditionally support her townspeople. It was a duty so undemanding, so painless, and — as an idol should find it — effortless. So when the thought enters her mind of seeking others for guidance through this ordeal… while it was her sole duty to provide for it?

It was sickening.

This was the only thing her sister could truly depend on her to do. The only act of duty she could undertake in her stead. For Barbara to then stoop low enough to ask that very same sister for help? To put even more stress onto her workload?

What a shameful idea, Barbara only thought was. It wasn’t her place to do so. It was… weak of her! Weak! 

A healer needing to be healed? Just the thought was absurd! It was to be her problems, and her problems alone; and as a deaconess, she shouldn’t bring anybody else to her issues!

She was the deaconess, and she was not a burden. She was not a burden.

So even in front of her sister, Barbara lied.

For one final time, she opened her door for Jean. With years of their childhood spent together, she was sure her sister caught onto it: the trembling on her lips, or her evasive eyes. Barbara could note the feelings on her sister’s face too. Complete devastation.

Their eyes met that last time, and Barbara could see the guilt etched on her sister’s blue eyes. Nothing needed to be said — only a weak smile that surely her Big Sis could see through.

That was the last detail she saw before Jean turned. Silently. Perfectly.

Barbara watched morosely as her sister walked further and further away, staring until her footsteps could no longer be heard. Jean was gone. Jean was safe.

And the only thing Barbara could do was lock her room, wallowing in all the shame and regrets as she sobbed in her open palms. She was losing everybody. Everybody she ever loved was turning from her… all because of that horrible object, and her horrible fragility.

Perhaps she was stronger than she once was, but she was still so detestably weak.

Chapter Text

Barbara walked down another unfamiliar pathway, resuming another regular strolls outside of Mondstadt. Once the sun was close to setting, there would always be a soothing hush of nature flowing around her, bringing forth a tranquility enough for her body to relax more than the previous day.

The city walls of Mondstadt hadn’t felt this way in so long. The idol’s lack of appearance was truly beginning to stir that place into a storm, where staying in that caged environment felt almost impossible. Even a few second by the fountain, and she would be flocked by dozens. The nuns were worse, knocking on her door whilst she tried to calm herself, nightmare after nightmare.

They were concerned, and Barbara loved them. Perhaps too much, which was why distancing herself was the best option she could’ve made.

Her silence was for Barbatos’s sake, for Mondstadt’s sake, and for Jean’s sake…

That was right. Everything was for them. It was always for them.

Her eyes wandered towards the sign that slowly came to form in front of her; either direction was a place Barbara had not yet explored. She took the left turn.

There was a certain warmth in her chest that overpowered her when discovering someplace new, whether it be the delicacies, music, or even their unique cultures. Exploring the wilderness was a practice Barbara never expected to adore, but with her heart fluttering for trivial unknowns, she embraced it warmly.

It was helpful too. It kept her mind away from those previous events.

And sure enough, that had truly worked wonders. With the exhilaration of climbing and walking, her mind was full of thoughts, meaning the more harrowing memories could be forced to the background. Her mental block had become a detriment after all, and knowing that nature could alleviate those horrid thoughts was enough reason to leave for hours at a time. 

Barbara was happy. Nature brought along her own form of therapy.

And Barbara felt proud of it. The feeling of fighting her weaknesses… to finally have a moment where she can overpower something. It felt like a wondrous achievement to her.

Strength, whether physical or mental, was all she wanted. And she was on the path there.

It was reaching dusk when Barbara first felt the eyes burning on her body.

Something was wrong. From being an idol for many years, she knew the sensation all too well: during concerts; afternoon strolls; and sometimes her fans when they follow her to the woods — it brought a gut feeling to her core. However, to detect it in a place so dark and unknown made Barbara instinctively walk with extreme caution. In all her journeying, she had never expected a situation like this! What if she... accidentally hurts them?

Her eyes darted around the scenery, where the overgrown greenery filled her every direction. The abundance of fauna was disorientating her, and Barbara slowly feared that the journey back to Mondstadt may be far more perilous than what she had planned for. Heaving a long sigh from her chest, she continued to walking forward where the path was alluring her into.

There was a reason why. If her eyes didn’t fail her, she was certain that the glow of a Small Lamp Grass was directly in front of her, and then Barbara could definitely uncover the individual following her. And then they would be safe.

It was hard to stay completely composed. Barbara could feel eyes marking her every step. The anxiety within her rose.

Being followed was a feeling that wasn’t completely foreign to her, but it was also one which brought back… unfavourable memories. Distinct memories that she’d rather keep suppressed in the furthest corner of her mind. Nevertheless, she quietly whispered a soft prayer to Barbatos, hoping that the feeling would alleviate from her body. 

She moved onwards, still deterred — Barbatos always made her feel safer, but she was no longer underneath their watchful eyes, and her worry was starting to become evident through her agitated breaths. 

Her worries peaked once she reached the dead end, and her heart dropped the instant she looked down. It wasn’t a glow of a lamp, but a variant Windwheel Asther.

The aroma of the flowers here was pleasant, albeit intoxicating, and Barbara forced herself on her knees. If they realised she wasn’t here to hurt anybody, then maybe they would leave her alone.

…At least, that was what she hoped.

Promptly, she began to pick out the most beautiful flowers in her reach, shifting all her focus onto shovelling the lovely red and blue variants into her hands. Although the discomfort in her chest would not escape, the company of such beautiful flowers seemed to appease her heart. The way they breathed, and shined so cozily underneath her terrified gaze…

…it brought a sense of comfort to the idol’s troubled mind. Barbara could feel her body slowly relaxing…

…And for a vulnerable moment, she stared at the Asters, whistling away as the other flowers danced alongside it.

Maybe she was imagining those eyes.

Barbara felt sharp nails grasp at her bare shoulders.

Without a moment of thought, Barbara shrieked. Instantaneously, she shut her eyes, and crawled into a ball just as an inconsolable child would do, and mindlessly, she began to pray — desecrating minutes passed, clasping her hands together, all in hopes for Barbatos’s protection to smother over her. And while the feeling on her back had disappeared almost immediately, leaving the numbing pain in its wake, it was replaced with a terrifying scream. Whether it came from fear or pain, Barbara could never tell, for she had covered her ears with her hands.

Being trapped in hopeless surroundings. Suffering completely alone. And helpless with the burning sensation on her shoulder… it reminded her of that day. She couldn’t help but scream on and on.

“Please! Help me!” She cried out in between her screams. “Please don’t hurt me again!”

And she resumed her constant begging. Barbara was in the middle of another desperate prayer, the fresh breeze attempting to lull her thoughts, as waves crashed and splintered and broke her mind. She didn’t want to repeat those feeling again. She couldn’t live another day with that feeling… she couldn’t…

…

…

…

Barbara felt herself losing focus of reality itself.

Once those awful screams had ended, Barbara slowly opened her eyes.

Even with the horrible silence that remained, she remained motionless. All her energy had been forced out of her, bringing her into a state of pure vulnerability. There was only one other moment in her life where she was brought so low, and it had happened so recently that she hated to remind herself of it.

Her eyes still snapped open instantly, as two horrible pieces connected in her mind.

She felt her eyes and mouth burning as the grey smoke enveloped her. She began to cough uncontrollably. Her powers had summoned again, and this time there was no doubt.

Yet it wasn’t her concern. There could be a reason behind those awful screams. A reason… that involved her.

Barbara’s stomach turned and twisted tightly at the possibility, but it also gave her the absolute determination to fight through the fiery sensation in her eyes. She had to get… answers. She had to be absolutely sure… that she hadn’t hurt somebody.

The first thing her eyes laid upon, through the dense smoke which had built up, were the Windwheel Asters; what was once red and blue were now ashes. Those beautiful flowers that glow so brightly… we’re gone. She gasped in horror, before turning her face to where she heard the screaming.

And there, covered in harsh scars and burns, was a body.

Barbara screamed.

Chapter Text

Barbara let out a strangled cry, a sound she was unaware she could even make, as she paced towards the unmoving figure. 

A horrifying, familiar sensation enveloped her body the closer she got. That same sensation of a cloud, covering her in soot and ash, holding back every step she took. Unlike the previous time however, Barbara wouldn’t stop. Barbara refused to stop.

The body was right there, laying in front of her despair-ridden eyes

Still, she refused to believe it. Barbara refused to believe that she had hurt another. Barbara refused to believe she could conjure such raw power, filled with so much malice and hate and death!?

Yet the tremors that raced down her back become unbearable, her mind no longer able to blanket the obvious.

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she fought through her disorientation. The possibility that her own hands performed that horrible act of blasphemy filled her with unimaginable dread. Dread of knowing that the life of another person was… was—

Crawling. She had no recollection of tripping or willingly falling, but she thought nothing of it. The bitterness of mud and filth left her hands and knees roaring in a blistering pain, yet it was nothing to the nauseating feeling ravaging her heart. There was a body. A body.

…

…

Minutes and hours must have passed until she was there. Barbara's hands lifted, prepared to scream the incantation out, hands charred and broken. However one single glance made her arms give out.

An inhuman mess lay present before her. It remained splayed across the floor, painful blisters running down its bare skin; and even with the moonlight’s absence, the burns marking its body glistened in a stomach-turning crimson. Its face was the most abhorrent, burnt beyond any recognition, and blood seeping into its exposed bones. Barbara could only stare at the destruction she had caused, feeling sicker and sicker.

…They were dead.

Dead.

A surge of dizziness overwhelmed her quickly, enough for her to fall directly on the blood-stained figure. Somehow, Barbara catches herself, quickly flailing her arms around to prevent herself from the blood-curdling scream that would surely have occurred.

In an instant, her lone hand slammed with a sickening crack on into its mouth.

The shriek came regardless, erupting from her chest, as its jaw crushed against her concentrated pressure. Her whine of pain intensified as the fragments of bones and teeth began to sink deeply into her palms. A final act of revenge from it.

Barbara backed away, her dress dragging against the muddy ground. She stared with terror-stricken eyes at her hand, bone fragments caught against her skin, and a fluid dripping down her hands; dark red lines that ran down her arms like wet paint.

Blood.

The reality was impossible to grasp, but as her breathing became uneven, she managed to accept some truth. The denial faded away for one unsettling conclusion.

She had killed a person…

Barbara ran.

The atmosphere ran cold as her body autonomously moved, panting breaths and crunching footsteps the only sound filling the void of silence. There was no clear direction; not that it was her intention anyway.  She just needed to keep moving. She needed to keep running.

Everything was crashing down: One moment, she had been staring into the lifeless eyes of a body, and the next, thorns slashed her ankles with every step.

It was all so reminiscent of the moment she touched that object, where her mind held no authority over the sporadic movements of her limbs, where her entire body was screaming in pain. The terror now, however, was far more psychological. Far too horrifying, and far too traumatising. 

Barbara was all too aware she couldn’t run forever, but her legs gave way far quicker than she had expected. She crashed. A steep incline followed her, and she could only tumble downhill, crashing into leaves and branches and harsher thorns. With her afflictions culminating, she fell into a puddle, filthy and caked with dirt. Those same traumatising blacks returned, only now against her dress, as she remained still. There was no saviour.

…

Barbara didn’t speak. 

Barbara didn’t move.

Barbara simply gave up.

There was no saviour.

All the remaining energy that was left was exhausted in a cry of pure misery. 

Everything was gone. Aether. Paimon. Venti afterwards, then it was her happiness, her safety, her powers, her love for Mondstadt, her own sister, and now… she had lost her reason to live.

…She was truly a monster. A monster to her own home.

“Barbatos…” Barbara, with eyes devoid of feeling, looked up to the sky. “Barbatos, please…”

…

“SAVE ME.”

Her cry was feral, full of misery that she didn’t know she harboured. It was a culmination of days, weeks, months, and years of an emotion she didn't even know. It roared out of her body, and then it came again. And again.

…

And finally, she sobbed.

Every moral she held dear to her dissipated — faith, self-love, and happiness. It proved too much for a frail frame like hers. All that remained was the need to cry; what else was there to do but cry?

“B-Barbatos, I’m sorry… p-please save me...” The times she wasn't blabbering, hiccuped sobs took over, and she instinctively clasped her hands in prayer, shaking and dirty and disgusting. “I need s-saving.”

"Please. Save me."

If Barbatos had heard her wails, they chose to ignore it.

There was no saviour.

All emotion and weight Barbara harboured disappeared at that realisation, as she caved in, shutting down completely. No more sobs. No more hiccups. Only a numb, and lost girl, separated from reality. She had lost Barbatos too… hadn’t she? Her desire to help others was gone the moment she touched that delusion, so what use was there for her worship anymore?

She was destined for perdition. An eternal damnation in hell.

“Barbara…” A voice, lulled and dreamlike, echoed in her mind. “You must hate yourself right now.”

The voice wasn’t her own and, if Barbara was in the right state of mind, she may have questioned it. Instead, her eyes remained forward, glazed, and impassive. 

“Good. Allow all the hatred to empower you.” As if the voice held authority over her body, bitterness enveloped Barbara's soul, a hint of cruelty that embedded bluntly with every punctured syllable. “Let it take over your mind.”

The feeling began to radiate within her body. Barbara kept on staring emotionlessly. She had nothing to say, no more words to heal the betrayal and hurt that burnt her heart.

“That’s it…” They whispered as temperatures began to rise around her.

“You will become… my pawn.”

And, slowly but surely, her own body began to emanate its own heat. Bubbles began popping from below, and yet her gaze remained fixed. She was nothing.

“Now close your eyes.” They whispered. “And we will start again.”

Barbara’s eyes closed.

She needed a saviour.

“Now.”

And Barbara immediately lost consciousness.

…

…

“In a pretty girl's sweet dreams

A nightmare blooms from underneath

An endless day with countless daydreams

Is a reality that will never be

So don’t be misguided by my lies”

– Stari

Chapter Text

Barbara woke. Devoid of all strength in her body. She cried. Dead and alone.

There was no will left in her. Every fibre begged for the previous day to be a farce, a nightmare to never forget, but the pain in her ankles was real. The aching of her legs was real. 

It was real. Yesterday was real.

As the awful feeling in her heart reignited, her eyes pried eyes open. It hurt. Gulping for air hurt. Everything hurt. The agony of lifting herself from the ground hurt, but she didn’t stop; even as her nerves begged her to get back on the ground, to let nature envelop her in its vines for an eternity, she wouldn’t. She refused.

Barbara choked a sob, letting her eyes burn to the blinding sun above her. Weather like this could’ve once been endearing, but it only exacerbated the bitter memories of the previous night.

That thought alone brought her to tears; the sun, and its once impossibly gentle warmth that she so dearly cherished,  was no longer the same to her. She had transformed into another person, and it would be impossible to share the same mutual feelings again.

…

"B...B...Barbatos?" 

Words. Stuttered and hissed, she whispered. From within her filth-stained soul, she whispered.

"Barbatos.”

Nothing. With visible difficulty, Barbara began to stand, overcoming all pain just in the hope of a simple response.

"...Please give me a s-sign." Barbara croaked. "Have I failed you? P-Please do not punish me any further. I am... begging..."

…

"I need saving, Barbatos."

…

…

"Barbatos won't come to save you."

A voice. Barbara frantically spun from left to right, attempting to pinpoint that sound. All that remained, however, was the ashen grass that surrounded her. 

"Ah~ you will not find me." The voice lulled in a sing-song tone, as if it were just a game to her.

"A-Ah—!? Who--"

"Do not be deterred, I will not be here for long." They spoke over her, panning from ear to ear, paying no disregard to her own qualms. "You have caused enough problems for me."

A sudden weight pulled down heavy from the pocket-like slash across her dress. Barbara would have ignored it, if it were not for that unmistakeable aura that began to emanate. A hand dropped low to feel its frame, and her heart followed soon afterward — unimaginable dread coursed up as she was reminded of its existence.

Involuntarily, a cry of horror escaped, as she furiously forced the diary into her view. There was red, and immediately her wounded hands clawed at her own diary — her own pride — attempting to pry that disgusting object away from her book.

Signora's own object, the object of her suffering, was embedded right beside her Hydro Vision. 

Her diary, the same book that she read in times of distress, the same book that would bring so much joy to her heart, was ruined. What remained in its wake was a reminder of the horrific events she caused, forever staining the sweet words of her fans. No matter how hard she scraped, the reality was a hardening one; it would haunt her for the rest of her life.

… All hope was gone.

After a full minute, she gave up. She couldn’t run away from it anymore. She could no longer run.

"Why would… you...?" Barbara breathed out, devoid of hope . “My fans… my compliments. Everything is gone.”

Laughter, horrible and cracked, echoed against the back of her mind, wracking on and on. "I am not taking everything from you, just polishing some of the useless things." The voice spoke with a cackle. "It is more like... providing newer opportunities for you."

"No... No..." Barbara whispered, low and dense. “You gave me this… curse… and now I've done such a horrible thing!”

She cried again, anger coursing through her veins. The hatred she withheld solely for herself burnt the brightest; she had kept her powers a secret to keep everyone safe, and yet the one thing she desperately tried to avoid still occurred. Her longing desire to help people was naught with her... murder. Nobody could ever look at herself the same, and the thought devastated her.

“Your Delusion had already absorbed much of your hatred.” The voice explained. “No amount of anger will summon it now."

It took too long until she realised the voice was talking about her new-found powers. That was all she was known for now; a vessel to burn, and a vessel for pain and hurt.

Silently, Barbara fell back into a numb shell, and with slow steps, began to walk away. She desired to return to Mondstadt. She needed to confess her crimes. She needed to tell everyone what she had done ... to tell Jean what a horrible person she was

Barbara deserved a punishment. Repentance for the sins of her mistakes. Her horrible, disgusting mistakes—

"You won't be going to Mondstadt." 

…

…

"...What?" 

“You'll only hurt more people there." 

Her breath hitched, and they must've caught sight of the sudden knee-jerk reaction Barbara instinctively made, as its presence intensified , redoubling only farther and harder.

"That's right. If you tell them about your new powers, then your fans will definitely find that Delusion. And then your Sister will find it. Oh, imagine your dear Big Sis feeling the same pain that you did with the innocent touch of your diary...."

“No! Don't say that!" Barbara froze, anger morphing into terror, and then dread. "She would be careful--"

"Imagine it coursing through her veins. Imagine the tears flowing down her cheeks, crying your name out in vain. Barbara, Barbara, please save me! It hurts so much- "

"Please stop!”

"And what if she dies next? Then you'll have to visit her grave, and live with the guilt that you've killed another person."

"Stop!" Barbara begged, curling into a ball, and cupping her ears in desperation, eyes wide and swirling with fear. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to h-hurt anybody! I pr-promise..."

"You're so weak, Barbara." They insisted, and Barbara could hear the wicked joy in that tone. "If you were as strong as your sister, then you would've maintained your self-control. It's too bad you're unstable."

Weak?

" YES! " screamed that voice, and Barbara could only let out a shrill cry, tightening further. "You could've controlled your emotions, and then one death would’ve been prevented. Could you ever deny that?"

Words refused to come out of her mouth. Barbara had already crumpled to the floor, deep in disorientation and numbness.

"Running from your powers didn’t work either. You didn’t just hurt someone, you killed them.” The voice spoke. “Your weakness killed him.”

The words echoed in Barbara's mind. Their words were harsh, and unforgiving, and filled her with a burning sense of self-loathing, and yet they were right. Barbara had tried to act strong by veiling her problems, yet it only served as proof of how weak she really was. Her disorientation developed further, making her sick with the thoughts running through her head.

...

She needed a saviour.

"Where do I go? I have nobody left to turn to... I have nowhere to go..."

There was a heavy pause, and Barbara wondered whether the voice had spared her mercy from that torturous ordeal. 

"I have a job for you, Barbara." The voice finally spoke, no wickedness, no twisted pleasure in their tone. "It will be difficult, but it's something only you can do, and something... that will make you stronger.”

Stronger.

That word echoed in her mind. After all the consequences that had flourished due to her weakness, it was the only word the idol could register. Like the way blooming flowers lulled one onwards through twisting pathways, so did that word in the core of her mind. Because every single problem she faced stemmed from that internal weakness. Weakness had taken everything from her…

So, if she was stronger, maybe her life would finally change.

...

Barbara let herself get misguided by their words.

"okay." 

she whispered.

Within that moment, Barbara felt herself change; a foreign, despair-inducing feeling that she had never felt before.

Barbara could only remain frozen in place, yielding inwards as her soul broke into a thousand shards, and then mended back together, meshing her into a new shape that was no longer her. No longer Barbara. No longer the same person who could openly smile, who could openly cheer onwards. Deep down Barbara knew nothing would be the same, and even deeper down, Barbara accepted it.

As she submitted herself to that voice, the very same demon who had taken everything from her, she waited patiently, accepting whatever Fate had destined for her.

"We must get to Liyue." They said.

Chapter Text

"Stari." They broke the silence first. “That’s my name. Stari.”

Openly, Barbara ignored them.

"Alright now, do not be so hard on yourself," Stari reprimanded after the lack of response. "And cheer up too. You can't stay depressed for too long."

"After what I’ve done, what do you expect?" Barbara’s determination to stay silent didn’t last long, and once she realises it, the pain inside her chest only intensified.

The word pained her. Depressed. Even as a healer, such a powerful word would strike a chord in her heart; the mention of it alone would make her stomach drop. For the word be titled onto herself though — Barbara was brought her to a shaky still. Depressed? Was she--?

No. The idol remained unfazed.

Frustration quickly returned in its place, and her anger redirected elsewhere. In a different turn of events, Barbara could've been in Mondstadt, frolicking in her bedroom, swinging her feet in the air with the wide smile she always had. That was her euphoria, except that voice had to interfere with her life, and then make her question her own emotions?

"You are right." Stari finally responded, surprisingly softer than they ever have been. "It may be difficult, but it is for the better that you move past your guilt. All it will do is hold you back. I am speaking from experience."

From experience. At that, Barbara bit back a response.

Begrudgingly, Stari seemed to be far more powerful than anyone she knew. To curse her with another element was already terrifying enough, but to speak directly into her mind? The Knights would immediately surmise it to be some Abyssal magic, and yet it didn't feel like it; what use would she be as a deaconess, anyway?

She gazed ahead blankly, trying to avoid eye contact with a person that wasn't there. There were so many questions. Questions she desired the answers to. Questions she deserved answers for.

...

...

What would Jean do?

Barbara paused, her inner fretting concluding at the thought of her sister. Jean… she wouldn’t childishly ignore that voice. She wouldn’t make a fool out of herself, as Barbara was now.

Pitting down her failures, she cleared her throat, wincing with the dryness in her throat. "W-What did you mean by Delusion. Is that the object you gave me?"

Barbara could feel its presence snapping back to reality. It was as though they had never left her side at all, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. 

"In mortal terms, a Delusion is simply just a Vision that holds far greater power," Stari explained; monotone, yet soundfully relieved at the broken silence. "I create Delusions for those I find worthy enough, although you only got yours by a series of unfortunate events."

"So you didn't mean for any of this to happen?"

"You weren't supposed to get that Delusion. You were an accident."

While a fraction of Barbara’s anger vanished at those words, a part of her still yearned to scream.

"Well, if it was a Vision, then why did you have to ruin my diary for it? I left it in my bedroom, so how did you bring it here!?"

"I hold power that is inconceivable to you, Deaconess," Stari spoke calmly, unresponsive to Barbara's frustrated tone in the slightest. "I also hand these Delusions out myself — surely it doesn’t have all the capabilities that a vision does, like accompanying its bearer, but it replicates all its powers, perhaps even strengthens it."

Barbara found herself lost for words. If it weren’t for her experience, a power greater than a Vision was something she wouldn't have believed. Diluc held massive power too, but the idol hadn't seen him perform a fiery attack to the intensity she had done! 

The idol took her diary out, staring at the two vibrant hues. The reds of the Pyro... were brighter than her own Vision. The reality slowly dawned on her, and the horror loomed down like thunderous clouds.

If they could grant more powerful forms of Visions, then Stari was as powerful as an Archon...

There was an evil stronger than the gods.

"Plus, the best place to keep a Delusion is by your body at all times. Being separated for too long risks the chance of you losing control of it, so I had to force your Delusion beside your Vision."

"W-Would that mean...?"

"Somebody would've gotten hurt if you left Mondstadt without it? Yes, most likely."

She grimaced, as she looked up from her book. She had sacrificed herself for everybody's sake... and immediately killed another person, Barbara quickly reminded herself.

"You also told me that my... Delusion had absorbed my anger." Barbara tried to recall. "What did you mean?"

"As with all Delusions, yours is a special case," Stari said in a heartbeat. "Most Delusions absorb the ambitions harbored across your life, and quickly you would age into a shell of your former self. Yours, on the other hand, acts differently."

"Differently?"

"The Delusion feeds from your emotions." The voice responded. "Whenever you feel an outburst, the Delusion absorbs it. For a lady like Signora, with so much hatred in her heart, it was important for her to not get temperamental."

"Signora!? So you aren't Signora?"

"Absolutely not!" Stari spoke with a readable offense. "She just happens to be one of the few people I found worthy enough to hold one!"

Momentarily, Barbara could almost smile at that. Almost.

"Though if you are not careful, it may begin absorbing its surrounding emotions. For example, sadness such as regret or guilt can simply disappear."

Barbara subconsciously gasped, freezing for the second time. 

...

"So is that why I feel so...?"

"Unbothered?" Stari completed the sentence. "Yes."

Remorse and guilt were beating like a drum once she had woken up, and yet an unsettling void remained in her heart too. It was as though a plethora of emotions were completely detached from her soul, feelings too complex to be explained with simple words. Only a blank vacancy was left in stead, and that sensation of nothingness was just so palatable that she struggled to accept it — alas, for the second time, Stari had stopped her from running away. Once again, she was forced to face her own thoughts head-on...

"I was so angry," whispered Barara, unsure of herself. "But now I feel... lesser. I don't feel... human."

"You are not inhuman for another person's actions upon you. That was the Delusion, not you." And for a moment, Stari seemed to be reassuring her. It was an incredulous moment to bear, but what made those feelings worse was the ease she found herself succumbing to. She was confiding to their words. She felt disgusting. "You were just caught up in the storm of it all."

"Then... am I really responsible for killing them?" Barbara weakly asked.

…

…

"Just keep on moving, Barbara."

It wasn't long until the familiar dry grass of Liyue began to appear, the red pigment swiftly following afterwards. It was hard to forget this place, considering she had been here once already.

Nostalgia crept into that void. Here, Yunjin was doing her final performance before going on her "prolonged leave". Performers were lauded all across Teyvat, so Barbara was well aware of the wonderous talents of the fabled director. As such, Yunjin’s performances had always been of great importance to her to see, and once Barbara was given the chance to satiate that longing desire, she welcomed it with open arms.

Of course, Barbara still remembered the day. The Knights of Favonious were always so severely overprotective over her safety, so she had hoped that being beside the Dandelion Knight of all people would bless her the chance to visit. All she wanted was to see her, the first or the last time.

It was more than just another person. It was somebody... who may finally understand how she felt.

That very night, they saw each other, and it was beautiful. Through the crowd of cheering people, Barbara watched as they shared eye contact, watched the gleam in her eyes, and then watched the spectacle unfold into one greater than the previous.

In truth, Barbara was envious. Not with her acting, or her brewing, or her singing, but with her ease in the crowd. Yunjin seemed so calm and confident, smiling and waving that signature smile, as dozens upon dozens flocked around her. Barbara wished she could at least pretend to be half as assertive: Mondstadt was especially loving to her, and being overwhelmed happened so uncomfortably commonly these days. Even when she’d have to hurry away to collect herself, they would follow her. Give her gifts. 'Bless' her with their presence. Worship her.

They had talked a long time behind the curtain that night, exchanging advice, and sharing stories. However, that feeling in her heart never left; not even when she said goodbye; not even when she returned to Mondstadt; not even when she performed her own show the very next day...

...Because a part of her kept on wishing that she was as strong as Yunjin in those Liyue streets.

Finally, they reached the brink of the Harbour, the familiar washing of the ocean ringing in her ears. Standing atop the hill, Barbara surveyed her new home. Nothing had changed, and yet everything had changed; her journey started here after all, in a place unknown to her. Barbara needed repentance, and strength was the nascent of it all.

"I will not be with you."

At that, all readiness failed her.

"W-What?"

"Fear not. You will not be working alone." Stari quickly added, taking care of their words. "You will notice them. He is one to stand out, and will supervise you through all of your upcoming challenges.”

For a moment, there was nothing. Barbara didn't know what to feel. "So I guess this is goodbye," Barbara commented emotionlessly — she wanted guidance, and yet wasn't exactly dejected at Stari’s leave.

"Your mission is to reach the Geo Archon, and your colleague will handle the rest," Stari repeated. "Your associate holds an Electro Delusion and will keep you from accidentally hurting anybody. So don't be afraid, and do your role."

Barbara froze up, only now realising her predicament.

Without knowing their purpose or their true intentions, Barbara was contributing to their plans. Their success would be under her name.

Her head roared in pain as conflict brewed from within: they had cursed her, yet it was an accident. They had hurt her friends, yet reassured the safety of the Liyuen innocents from her Pyro flames. They had forcibly broken the ties to her very home, then promised her strength and comfort. They were allies with Signora, and now she was too. Despite everything that had unfolded, she still knew nothing. She was blind.

And yet, Barbara was okay with this.

There was no reason to act surprised anymore. She had always been blind.

For as long as she remembered, a hand gripped her through life: first her Father, then the Knights, then the Cathedral, and finally her own people. Despite touring Teyvat for her performances — despite living in the City of Freedom itself — she had never experienced a moment for herself, simply absorbing information that revolved around the words of others.

This was simply the first time that she was aware of it. Of the fact that the vice of Mondstadt’s grip was no longer there, no longer directing her, and no longer coddling her from reality. Instead, she had found a new hand to guide her, and yet there was comfort in it.

She was in a new position… so she had to give the benefit of the doubt. Despite all the suffering caused because of them, despite all the warnings, she had to.

And so the ever so gullible Barbara sighed, holding herself together before whispering. "Before you leave... can you promise me one last thing?"

"What is it?"

"You told me that visiting the Archon will make me stronger. So can you promise that it will be the case? That I will become... stronger after I meet them, and that nobody will get hurt?"

Such an utterly selfish request, and yet she needed to hear it. Needed to hear their words.

"Oh... definitely." Achingly, their voice thinned away, words distorting and elongated with every syllable. From a different perspective, she would’ve mistaken it for a lullaby, sweet and disturbing to the tone.

…

"I... promise..."

The silence quickly filled the void that Stari left in her mind.

Chapter Text

With a soul full of shards, Barbara travelled up the bridge.

Immediately, Barbara felt herself choking. The realisation that Stari was gone crashed like a wave, and dread quickly enveloped her. Within mere seconds she withers, steps stuttering as her rising anxiety slowed her pace. Long ago, Barbara would have flourished around the presence of others, but the new-found fear of her powers tickled at her paranoia — she didn’t want to hurt anyone. Not again…

Around her, nobody was truly safe, and Barbara’s despair culminates quickly. The urge to fall back nearly envelops her whole, and she nearly takes a retreating step backwards.

Chapter Text

Unlike any morning of her life, Barbara woke in the midst of a ferocious battle. Myriads of sounds blared from outside her room, alike to the clashes of Wagner’s hammer upon his anvil, keeping her ears accompanied with its heavy, disruptive echoes.

She blinked once, twice, and yet her eyes found difficulty in staying open. What would have startled her awake in an instant however, only elicited a weary yawn out of her, and a lethargic stretch of her arms.

A disgruntling reality joined her troubled expression. This overwhelming sluggishness controlling her body…

This had never happened before.

An idol wasn’t made to squander time like this. An idol was supposed to be the starlet of everyone’s heart, inspiring others to chase their inner joys with her song and dance, not lazing about! This wasn’t how someone of her reputation should act — the furthest thing from it!

…

10 seconds.

20 seconds.

30 seconds.

…

No. Nothing was working.

Painfully, she forced her eyes to drag across her surroundings, finding anything to suppress these thoughts. At home, a large clock would be situated in front of her bed, demanding her to get up; however, when her eyes met the sight of barren white walls and a barren white ceiling instead, it finally managed to stir her fully awake, another displeasing reality settling in.

"Oh... right." Barbara whispered to herself.

This wasn’t Mondstadt. 

…

How could things escalate so drastically? She had sought a saviour, and now she was here, and abandoned in her own thoughts.

Slowly but surely, a feeling of alienation furrowed into her brain. She had rarely — if not ever — found herself outside of the Cathedral, so to be detached entirely from Mondstadt altogether brought a strange, aching twinge to her heart. Whether this was the “homesickness” that Bennett and Fischl would mull over with such great misery after a commission, she would never know, and just the thought of them only worsened those feelings.

…

‘Smile, Barbara.’

Still it didn’t work, so Barbara sat herself up, attempting to force her spirits up physically... until a sensation of sunlight beamed directly into her eyes, interrupting her process.

"Mmrgh!" Barbara hissed, eyes shutting to manoeuvre from the burning sunlight.

Her attempts, however, were all in vain, only managing to leave her hanging off the edge of the bed. Yelping, she instinctively planted both feet onto the floor, saving herself from the hard contact on the floor.

"A-Ah~!”  

In the aftermath, Barbara remained leaning against the wall, breathing heavily and steadying herself. Albeit the dizziness settling in, her eyes snapped down to her wobbling legs, only then noticing the abhorrent state they were in.

A day of travelling could perhaps cause some damage, Barbara accepted, but she hadn’t expected its extent to be this severe! As the tallying of dried cuts wracked over the double digits, another wave of nausea quickly enveloped her, and she turned away queasily.

"I can't do with… that." Barbara whimpered to herself.

…

…

Should she... use her powers?

Barbara eyes turned to the shut door, where the sound of clashing had ceased. The pieces connected. Tartaglia had mentioned his passion for strength as they walked around, and with his a room full of dummies downstairs, it was clear he was training. Miraculously, a feeling sprouted from the reality — comfort. Tartaglia was powerful. In the worst situation, he would know what to do with her…

Fully awake now, and spurred with new-found courage, Barbara willed up her healing powers. A mantra of Barbatos’ prayer repeated in her mind as she voiced the spell, feeling the energy building around the body. It was warm — warmer than it had ever been. She stuttered mid-breath, nearly choking her own words over her own fretting…

’Concentrate… you can do this… you can do this.’ 

…

The duration of a full minute passed until a ripple effect coursed down her body. A soothing sensation solidified itself.

It had worked. 

Barbara hadn't realised her held breath until a powerful exhale brought her back to reality. She collected herself quickly, straightening up in a relief filled with pride. "That's better."

Perhaps the numbness on her legs was still present, but the absence of marks on skin provided an atmosphere far more alleviating. Just as she were about to thank Barbatos, three knocks interrupted her thoughts, and she nearly loses her footing again.

A voice soon followed. "Hey, are you awake? May I come in?"

"Y-Yes! You may."

Childe’s face soon came peeking through the door, his smile warm as expected. 

"Morning, Barbara! You managed to sleep through most of the morning, but that’s nothing to worry about. After all, yesterday had been pretty eventful, had it not?"

Barbara nodded, slowly calming herself, but avoiding eye contact. "Sorry. I'm feeling better..."

Accepting that also hurt. Barbara expected nightmares. Walking down a dark pathway, nails digging into her shoulders, the unavoidable sound of screaming. Before the… incident, just the sight of red alone would jolt her awake; so to sleep a day without a dream surprised her. In fact, waking up without a passing thought at all… troubled her.

It meant Stari was right. The powers of the Delusions were simply ‘working’. On her.

“Moving onwards, make your way downstairs once you can. We have a few things to discuss".

"Ah alright, um, let me get ready first," Barbara whispered. "Thank you… again."

Childe simply gave her a thumbs up, before closing the door, leaving Barbara back to her solitude. 

She sighed, looking down in deep thought. Once again, Childe was being kind, and still he didn't want anything in return. Barbara wasn't used to such extensive kindness: in Mondstadt, conversations were harsher, more direct, and never as natural than she hoped them to be. Only her closest friends would ever treat her the same way Childe did…

Her fans — Albert — would get carried away sometimes. They cherished her of course, but such adoration came as detriment to her own, whether that meant following her to Wolvendon, or peeving outside the Cathedral, or making a racket during her church programs. Always Barbara would reassure herself, reminding herself that others were happier when they were… intruding her space, but this section of an idol life was never mentioned in Alice’s book!

It was strange to have somebody like Childe in her life; a person who hadn’t a care of the world about her status. The aftermath of her feelings, however, was like a fresh breath of air upon Stormbearer’s Point. There was no unrealistic expectations — she was just there to help.

That was all she ever wanted.

She got ready quickly, heading downstairs. The aroma of food was already making her mouth salivate at the prospect, and she couldn’t wait any longer. The last time she had eaten… must’ve been a few days ago at most.

The sight of blades and bows prompted some involuntary shudders, but this time she calmed herself. This was time for improvement, and if it meant manoeuvring between the sharp weapon that surrounded her, so be it.

“Over here!” His voice called out, from a corner that was obscured from view.

Watching her step, Barbara followed that voice. The kitchen and dining room presented themselves in one large room, and was a far cry to the mess that was every other room in the house!

“Nice to see you again, Barbara.” Childe was already sat down within the pristine state of the kitchen. He spoke slowly, almost comically. “Come sit down.”

Blissfully unaware, Barbara simply obliged, not one thought to his inflated tone. After all, with the tidiness of the room, and the dishes presented in front of her, she couldn’t help but longingly stare. it looked so delectable with the salad on the side and... and the fried eggs to the left... oh Barbatos…

“Don’t worry. Just listen to me as you eat. I see you’re liking it, though."

Barbara eyes looked up, the perplexion (and hunger) completely written on her face. This sort of high-quality gourmet dish she expected from a perfectionist like Noelle; for a Delusion-having warrior to have such a similar talent? Her jaw dropped with shock.

“D-Did you make this?"

“Why of course! I usually cook for my younger siblings. So it’s no trouble for me.”

“Oh... it looks delicious!” Barbara made sure to punctuate her words, almost slurring the longer she stared. “Your siblings must be really grateful! I remember when my sister would cook for me… I would thank her all the time~.”

“I see, so you have a sibling too?”

“Mmhm, just my older sister, Jean,” Barbara commented, coinciding with an upheld finger. “She’s always protecting Mondstadt, and I want— I try to help her!”

Childe stared at Barbara quizzically, putting a hand to his chin. By then, the idol’s attention was down, and heartily chowing down the dish.

Barbara wasn’t surprised at how delicious it was to her taste-buds. Foreign dishes always this effect on her; Yun Jin’s special dish, she distinctively remembered, had left her giggling and squirming in delight for hours. This was no-different, however she was careful to keep her mannerisms at a hold. Despite holding it in though, Childe could undoubtedly see her beaming face.

“Barbara, we must plan our meeting with Morax. Knowing you, we may have conflicting ideas.” Childe said, perhaps feining ignorance to it. “Can I ask you to meet me this afternoon to discuss?”

“O-Oh alright.” Barbara swallowed her food before responding. “Will you be staying here, then?”

“I’m actually going to be heading to Wanshen Funeral Parlour to discuss matters with a friend of mine.”

“Ah… um—“

“You can do whatever you like here in Liyue." Childe said, opening his palms. "Although, you need to tell me now. I intend to keep this place locked while I'm away."

“Right…”

Barbara looked down at her empty plate. Due of Yun Jin’s popularity, there were many places that she wished to visit, but couldn’t. There was no better time than now.

Despite that, there was still one chain holding her still — a lingering fear in the back of her mind. The idol visibly deflated, before meeting Childe’s eyes. She had to ask.

“But… what if my Pyro powers go off… like last time?"

There was a tense silence for a moment, and one that Barbara wished would wash away in an instant. Childe's eyes had widened, but they had soon softened into one of deep thought and consideration.

Finally, Childe spoke. “Hmm, it’s Signora’s, so I’m guessing it's your emotions that can cause your delusion to go out of control. So do you have anything that helps you calm down?”

“Help me calm down…? I suppose music is one of them…”

“Well, my sister also gets overwhelmed by emotions, and she loves to use music too. If you close your eyes and play a tune in your mind, then it helps you calm down.” Childe smiled warmly at Barbara, or maybe he was smiling for himself. Barbara couldn’t tell. “It’ll surely relax you. Trust me.”

“Do you think it will work for me?” Barbara finally asked.

“Oh, I bet it will.” Childe said. “You remind me exactly of her.”

“I’ll give you a bag of Mora if you’d like to spend on anything.”

It wasn’t long until they were both outside of Childe’s house, where a glare of light was shining down directly on the both of them.  

“Oh no, it’s fine!” Barbara quickly assured. She was dead-set on rejecting any of Childe’s virtues from now on. “You’ve already done far too much for me, and I already have some Mora of my own.”

“Well, that’s fine by me,” Childe said, facing Barbara for only a moment. “I’m going to go now. If you need me for anything, then catch me by the funeral parlour. I'm usually there or here."

With his advice in mind, Barbara found her own calmness overriding any thought. Stari was keeping to their promise, despite it not being in the direction she imagined it to be. However, Barbara still felt over the moon at that.

“Alright, thank you so much again!”

“See you soon! And remember our preparations for Rex Lapis at noon. Keep it a secret.” Childe reminded, before he turned, and walked away from her.

At that, Barbara watched him walk away, her breaths soft and quiet. Then she sucked inwards, finally able to express her burning excitement! There were so many places that immediately sprung to mind; it wasn’t just the shops, but the sights too! 

A hand dug to her pockets, uncovering the handful of money. Discovering the Mora had truthfully been a relieving sight, hidden deep within her decrepit deaconess dress. Her first thought was to immediately give it all to Childe, but he had refused immediately, insisting her to hold onto it.

That was okay. From now on, she didn’t need to ask for anything else from him.

Relying on others always brought a sour taste to Barbara’s mouth and Childe’s ministrations were certainly no different. Now she was finally removed from that dependence; everything is okay now. Things were okay. 

The only help she needed now was to become stronger — and Childe will teach her the ways.

She will never be a burden ever again.

Chapter Text

For the first time in many years, Barbara felt a striking calm as she skipped into the public’s eyes. To be in a place where nobody recognised her finally meant she could finally let her eyes wander, which certainly was a rare occasion that she couldn’t waste! In Mondstadt, she couldn’t even go a dozen steps in public until a fan disturbed her; to survive two minutes here felt like a blessing from Lord Barbatos himself!

Excitedly, she headed towards the port. If there was any place she yearned to see, it would be what Yun Jin loved too; the infinite skyline across the ocean. With so much time in hand, Barbara wanted to learn, to cherish every moment possible, and Liyue was truly a sight to behold, far different to the Mondstadt she lived in.

A brief moment of searching passed until the idol managed to find a seat, shaded under a fabric canopy. The spark relighted in Barbara’s eyes, as she eagerly seated herself, watching in fascination as the leaves painted her vision in a mesmerising golden. Coupled with the deep coral ocean, the waves of serenity swirled from within, nurturing her soul. Everything, the leaves, the ocean, and the peaks, fit like a perfect puzzle to her eyes, and Barbara couldn’t help but stare.

During times like these, she could almost forget what brought her here. The turmoil and pain that she thought would never leave, was slowly but surely becoming a distant memory. It was beyond a weight lifting from her shoulders, beyond any relief she had felt before. Barbara couldn’t help but bask in it.

Filled to the brim with solace, she closed her eyes and listened. Everything felt so peaceful: the sound of the chirping birds, coursing in their flocks; the idle chatter of Liyue people, morphing into one soothing drone; and the waves of the ocean tides, splashing rhythmically on the pavements... the sounds of a guitar crashing down like an inferno, lighting the atmosphere...

"H-Huh? Wh-" 

Barbara groaned as the noise reverberated loudly in her head. Her eyes opened quickly, and only then did she notice the growing crowd, beside a paltry stage.

For a moment of time, Barbara was rendered speechless. Surely Yun Jin hadn’t returned so soon… with such new sounds!? The idol had full faith in her discoveries with her leave, but this was certainly the tune to cross her mind beyond expectation. Yun Jin’s artistry could be described as a variety of words, but ferocious certainly wasn’t one of them…

Nevertheless, Barbara stood herself up, and immediately gravitated towards the music.

Somebody was performing a song, and that alone was enough to peak their interests. Even as she approached closer, even when she realised that it couldn’t be her,  she had tossed aside the thought of falling back long ago. An artist of any popularity and genre was an artist alone; Barbara absolutely had to show her support.

This one, however, was… strange.

Suddenly the acclaimed woman jumped off the stage, executing a fiery charm that rivalled even Klee’s! The crowd roared with approval, and through the jumping bobbing of heads, Barbara could finally get a decent view of her.

Everything about her was vibrant, whether it was her red clothes, or her almond skin, or her piercing amber eyes, shining golden with every strum of her guitar. The people in the audience were captivated, and so was Barbara, eagerly transfixed towards the girl making a chaotically beautiful scene across the stage. Barbara had never seen a performer so animated in her life, and she was obsessed.

The intrinsic talent a musician must obtain to create such unique sound was remarkable. Maybe it would be something Barbara would never attempt, but she couldn’t help but fill with inspiration, a deep-seated invigoration.

Unfortunately, it fell to a dull still only a moment later. Through the cheers and clapping of the audience’s hands, Barbara continued to stare with starstruck wonder. It was beyond words. Even as the crowd began to disperse, Barbara remained that way, watching as the girl tuned her guitar with the widest smile on her face. There was a lot of praise she had on the tip of her tongue, though Barbara chose to wait until—

"Hold on a second... B-Barbara!?"

Or… perhaps she already knew her.

"No way... is that really you?" She repeated, her eyes widening. “The Shining Starlet of Mondstadt?”

Barbara took a step back as the girl took one forward, baring her teeth. "Shucks... I'm such a huge fan! The name's Xinyan."

"Oh... um, it's n-nice to… meet you t-too." Barbara stuttered, taking another step back.

Though Xinyan was as forward as Barbara had expected, she was less afraid about their enthusiasm, and more about what she herself could do. Setting boundaries was Childe’s golden rule, as well as not getting physically close to others. For both to snap at once… concurrently…

"Ah, I didn’t mean to startle you." Xinyan quickly apologised, which only managed to startle Barbara further. Not once in her idol life had she heard a heart-felt apology from a Mondstadt fan of hers — this was the first time...

"I'm sorry."

"N-No, it's alright." reassured Barbara, hands up in conjunction and filling with confidence. "I just couldn't help but overhear your music. It was from Fontaine, right?"

"Yep, practically invented rock n' roll. It's the biggest thing there now... pretty recent honestly."

'Rock n' roll' was what she called it... that seemed to make sense to Barbara.

All the music books in the library were too outdated, especially those outside of Mondstadt; the making and texture of her instrument was the only way Barbara could discern the characteristics of Fontaine — not even the style of music that Xinyan played came to mind!

"Enough about me though! What are you doing here in Liyue?" 

"Oh, just... visiting," Barbara hesitated before finishing, quickly remembering what Childe had said to her. "Liyue is so much bigger than Mondstadt, b-but it’s wonderful. I can’t stop staring.”

"Well, how about I give you a tour? I know a lot about Liyue, and I’d love to get to know you some more." Xinyan said, already offering her support. 

And for the second time, Barbara stared momentarily, trying to process it in her mind. It was exactly like what had happened when she had met Childe. Everything was happening so quickly.

Xinyan, even with those spikes, seemed to be as kind as him.

If she could believe Childe, there was no reason not to believe in her either.

And so the idol nodded, before the both of them walked together down the majestic streets of Liyue.

~~~

Together, Barbara was finally given the chance to explore a city that wasn’t her own. They left no stone untouched: from the perfume shop owned by Ying'er, to the fabled fortune teller outside the main Harbour, and even to the Wanmin restaurant for a dish! On a usual day, Barbara would fear the thought of shopping in Mondstadt — but it was incomparable to the experience in Liyue, especially to do it with another person like Xinyan.

The guitarist knew the region well, outlining the governing 'Qixing' and their main house, as well as the Jade Chamber. Perhaps it would be useful information to Childe, and perhaps it would help her gain more strength in its own way! 

With all their exploring done, the pair sat beside the harbour once again, admiring the views and reflections from the water. Silently, they lost themselves, feet dipped in the warmth, and basking in the sounds of the ocean together… silently.

...

...

"I still wish they celebrated the Seven Stars Celebration here!" A voice grumbled out from behind them. 

"You say this every year, you know."  Another voice responded. 

Both Xinyan and Barbara turned from the sudden disruption. Behind them were two women talking to one another, connected by the hip. By then, Barbara had already turned around, wanting to resume her relaxing, but Xinyan seemed to keep her gaze on the both of them, straightening up with eyes that slowly narrowed the longer she stared.

"Jeez, those two really need to sort out their problems," Xinyan muttered to herself. 

It caused Barbara to divert her attention back towards the two girls, still in the midst of talking to one other, but now too quiet to overhear. From further inspection, they both had Visions: an Electro and a Cryo one respectively. The Visions also happened to match their hair perfectly too: one with clear cyan hair, the other a bold violet, adorning — what seemed to be — cat ears at the top. It startled her momentarily.

"Do you know them?" whispered Barbara, finding herself lost in the moment as she continued to stare. 

"Yeah, they're part of the Qixing; the top of the Qixing really... making the main rules for Liyue, you know." Xinyan commented. "But those two though... are completely hopeless."

At first, Barbara didn't understand, until she saw their faces. While they both upheld serious expressions, they were both blushing profusely at the same time. It seemed like they hadn't noticed each others however, because they adamantly refused to keep any eye contact with the other too. From there, Barbara would have assumed no further if it wasn’t for the recognisable aura tangled around the both of them. One she was well aware of...

"Ohhh~…” The idol replied with a knowing smile, quickly understanding the situation in an instant.

"I would write a song for them, but they're either too busy, or my application to perform for them gets denied."

"Wait... an application to perform?" Barbara asked, eyes widening. 

"Well, performing a concert right outside the Qixing House is probably something that you would apply for," Xinyan explained, slightly chuckling at first. "But yeah, the Tianquin made a rule that you can perform anywhere, given your application is approved. It doesn't really work in my favour though, considering Liyue is a busy region, and isn't really for music... especially rock n' roll" 

Xinyan explained, sounding more downhearted the more she spoke. 

"A busy region... not really for music..." 

Yunjin had said exactly the same thing. 

During their conversations in Barbara's previous visit, Yunjin distinctively mentioned how her fame was of luck and chance. At the time, Barbara had tried her best to disprove such hurtful words, but to hear Xinyan talk with such a crestfallen tone… worked  to change her sentiments. Yunjin had used the exact same words to describe Liyue.

"Aww… in Mondstadt, I can just perform just about anywhere..." Barbara commented. “I suppose I’m truly blessed…”

"Heh... that's the City of Freedom for you, right?"

They both smiled at each other for a moment, before facing back towards the great blue sea. Their feet were still treading on the warm water, washing Barbara's feet in a soft, almost soothing manner. Mondstadt didn't have anything remotely like this; the water was far too cold for her liking, and she wasn't even able to roam the outside walls of the city due to the Knight’s fear. Feeling this sensation though, alongside a... possible friend, felt almost wondrous to her. 

Barbara wished she could enjoy this moment forever. Maybe she could forget everything that had happened to get here at all...

It took a long time until Xinyan stood herself, slowly extended an arm for Barbara to hold onto.

“I'm going to head to Xiangling's to get a snack. It's almost noon."

Barbara reacted almost immediately, quickly latching upon Xinyan's arms and picking herself up. "Oh, noon? Then I must be going to see my acquaintance!"

"Oh right, that's cool." Xinyan smiled, paying no mind. "Hey, if you ever wanna hang out again, then come visit Xiangling's Restaurant. I'm pretty much there every morning."

"I'll visit for sure!" Barbara promised, then quickly faltering with her legs. "Hah... sorry. I, um, need to leave right away.”

"Haha, then I won't keep you waiting then. See you soon, Barbara!"

"You too~!" 

...

Talking to Xinyan proved to be a major relief — finally, she felt comfortable to converse with another person. It filled Barbara with such an overpoweringly warm feeling; if only she could talk to her for the rest of the day… it would really made her day so much brighter~!

However, being late was a scenario she absolutely didn't want to be in; after all of Childe's gifts… it would be rude to not obey his only request so far.

Despite that, Barbara continued to run with a smile. Once meeting this Archon, maybe she'd talk more with Xinyan, and maybe they can do more things together. Maybe she can even meet her friends! And maybe she'd have another home in Liyue too...

The smile kept growing larger on her face.

Everything will be okay. She was the Deaconess, and she'll make sure that this plan wouldn’t fail!

Chapter Text

“Right on time, Barbara.” Childe spoke warmly as he opened the door for Barbara. "Any new companions along the way?"

"One, and she was just so amazing!" Barbara responded with the most jubilant smile on her face. Childe had answered to her knocks quickly, withholding the warm smile he always had. The people here were kind, Barbara reassured herself. Everyone was kind.

"Well, that’s a relief. But let’s not waste any more time, shall we?”

Childe gave way for Barbara, heading towards a room she hadn't yet entered : the one with the geography of Teyvat?

Barbara quietly followed suit, firmly closing the front door and then accompanying him. With each observation, Childe’s house looked more and more decrepit, and this time was no different. The mass of swords had largely been gathered, but the evidence of its use could not be any less subtle; objects were out of place, paintings were angled, and ornaments had fallen, likely from the reverberations of such power inflicted on the now-deteriorated dummies. 

Truly, Stari had understated his strength. Childe had mentioned his entire schedule in passing that morning, enough to shock the idol out of her wits. Eight hours of training was twice more than any Knight Of Favonius in an entire weekday, and to do it so consistently too? With that as rationale, his request to tend to his aching limbs certainly didn’t alleviate any concerns, though it seemed to be the only act of repayment he would take…

Barbara wasn’t one to reject him, especially after what he had done. From the looks of things now, however, it seemed like another massive regret...

Shaking those thoughts off, she slowly headed towards the strange room. Though she had assumed correctly that the map was of Teyvat, seeing the extensive detail of every ridges and mountains in person startled her. It was incredible.

"Alright, so this is Liyue right here." Childe pointed it out clearly on the map, and Barbara averted her gaze towards where his finger was positioned. "Hmm... So the Anemo Archon hasn't show himself in Mondstadt in quite some time, correct?"

"Yes. Nobody has seen him, and if so, I’d be the first to know." Barbara spoke confidently. The Anemo headstone was toppled over, and so she quietly repositioned it, setting it rightfully on its base.

Childe ignored the gesture to instead hold the governing piece atop of Liyue. Golden, much like the region itself.  "Well, Rex Lapis is nearly a similar case. He shows himself once a year as a tradition."

"The Rite of Decension? Xinyan-- ah, my friend told me that it was happening soon."

"A few days time actually." Childe responded. Though his eyes were surveyed the piece studiously, he seemed to stare directly through it too. Barbara noticed it immediately, having seen the same look in Jean — his mind was on something else.

"Though I wouldn't mind waiting until after the Rite to get the Gnosis, I'd like to return to Schnetzaya as soon as possible."

"Oh... and because I'm here, you don't mind starting this plan now?"

"...Mmhm." 

Deeper in thought now, his voice softened, and then his eyes, to a state that had never been seen before. Barbara fought the urge to question his new-found behaviour, but his stare was… just like her sister…

With a achingly slow motion, Childe surveyed the board. What felt like minutes passed before he finally looked to Barbara. Immediately, she was thrown off-guard. There was no smile. His eyes were soulless.

"I plan to stir some trouble. Enough for Morax to come down."

The room suddenly became so much quieter. 

"Trouble?" Barbara breathed out.

The word echoed across the silent room, and Childe immediately brought a hand to his forehead. He had surely expected this form of reaction, and it was one he didn’t like — perhaps hated. It wasn't long until his exasperated sigh, and his return to reality. His irises felt piercing against her skin.

"Well, he is here to protect Liyue if anything were to break the natural balance. So once that is shifted, then he'll certainly arrive, correct?"

"H-Hold on, I don't quite understand! Protect? Balance? Do you mean-"

"I mean that I will find a way to break the peacefulness of Liyue." 

The deaconess looked up with horror. Though a part of her expected some manically evil grin planted on his face, it was the complete opposite — completely unbothered and impassive, almost tired. Of her. She didn't know what was worse. 

"W-Wait! But th-that's illegal!? What if you hurt somebody!?" 

"Oh, I'll try hard not to cause too much chaos, but if it must be done, then it must be done. I won't be hesitating for much longer."

Barbara could not believe what she was hearing, and yet, she should’ve expected it. Of course Childe had an affinity for fighting, but all this for just a Gnosis? He was willing to cause pain and hurt, just to meet Rex Lapis... What exactly was Stari’s goals?

...Was this why his aura was this way?

"N-No! I... I can't allow you to do that. Innocent lives could be taken!" Barbara said, the hint of trepidation in her voice showing itself. "There has to be another way!"

"Well, do you have any suggestions?" Childe asked, his eyes squinting, voice assertive and even frustrated — and even a smirk quickly formed on his lips once Barbara began to blabber incoherently! This was amusing to him. He found it amusing.

Stari was the same.

"N...Not yet, but I'll find one. We— I-I don't want for people to get hurt!" Barbara exclaimed.

Childe stared at her for a moment, and Barbara looked back with indignant eyes.

Even with him saying such harsh words, Barbara found that she wasn't scared at all. It wasn't because of her Delusion, or because she had an easy escape outside his house. 

It was the pure conjecture that Childe wouldn't harm her.

"I... promise I'll find another way. Lord Barbatos will heed my words.”

"Alright, lets make a deal then."

Barbara's eyes widened instantaneously.

"I'll help you with your ‘suggestion’ until after the Rite..." Childe started, eyes remained soulless. "and then you must follow my plans from then onwards, whether you like it or not."

Barbara stared miserably at the terror of such a situation. Nobody should suffer... and if she didn't take the deal, then the harm done to others will only be inevitable. She had a time-limit — a deadline before the chains that held Liyue so securely crumbled underneath Tartaglia's sword.

The only solution that could prevent thus… was to accept this proposition. Had he… planned this to happen? To use her desire to help others to force her into his plans?

...

...

No.

She will change this Fate.

She looked up to his face, staring at the deepest pits of blues in his eyes. If she had to take matters in her own hands to save Liyue, then she will…

...

“fine”

Childe extended an arm, and Barbara stared momentarily, before shaking it. This was for the safety of Liyue...

It was all for them.

It was always for them.

"Oh Barbatos what have I done!" Barbara exclaimed in the privacy of her room, curled up under the covers of her bed.

Her appetite was gone the moment she had made her leave. There was no desire to return outside. There was no desire to talk to Xinyan. All remaining energy was spent dragging herself into her room, emphatically locking it, and then screaming in her pillow. There was nothing. An impossible promise was already jarring, but to have sworn on Lord Barbatos’ name too? Oh the horror!

There wasn’t even time for regret and guilt. Barbara had to find a way to meet the Geo Archon... in only a few days time.

Even as she calmed down, Barbara found she couldn’t so much as formulate a thought! Xinyan, Childe, the Archon, the Rite... it all enveloped into one daunting mess, painfully drilling into her skull. Even the fragments of ideas that managed to appear only drowned one another out, leaving the canvas in her mind with splotches of a blank dissonance.

…

…

All was lost, the idol’s first thought was.

A shred of responsibility was all she ever desired: to no longer be the outsider of the important missions; to stand besides the Knights and Jean and those who protected Mondstadt; to be the one driving others forward! And yet, with the daunting reality of her predicament growing, Barbara couldn’t help the tremors in her body. 

What Jean would do was something she didn’t know. So what should she do? What could she do?

…

…

10 seconds

20 seconds

30 seconds.

Suddenly, Xinyan pops into her mind, and Barbara almost burns.

"I... must do this."

It was an empty thought, but Barbara held that whisper dear. "For Liyue... for Xinyan... for me. I will get stronger. I won’t wither…”

That was right. Stronger. The word that Stari had used all those days ago. That was the reason of her journey, and if this was a test, then she couldn’t give up now. She couldn’t give up now.

She couldn’t… She absolutely couldn’t.

Chapter Text

"I'm doomed." Barbara lamented, the slam of her face almost connecting with the Boiled Fish Soup on the table.

As an idol, she was unaccustomed to eating outside — it was near impossible under the looming eyes of Mondstadt after all — but Xinyan’s offer to the Wanmin Restaurant the previous day was one she couldn’t refuse. The suffocation of the night prior, coupled with the longing for company, emphasised Barbara’s need to let go. The need to find some peace to her rotting mind.

Childe hadn’t question her decisions when the morning came. She appreciated that. She appreciated when he offered to make breakfast, and appreciated when he offered some of his Mora too.

Barbara appreciated him, and she struggled to even understand why.

Much of yesterday was spent mulling over that reality. Somehow, despite his actions the previous night, Barbara still found safety under his presence. Still found joy in his smile. Despite how red the flags were, Barbara believed there was a considerate person underneath that act. Underneath that exterior. Underneath that aura.

Diluc had a similar aura the first time they had met after all. Just like Rosaria. Just like Venti. (Oh Barbatos, Barbara wouldn’t dare forget how revolting Venti’s aura was the first time they had met!) It was unfair to give her closest companions a chance, and not Childe.

So perhaps Barbara was caught in the crossfire of a moment of weakness, and if that were the case, Barbara would devour that truth up. She simply refused to believe someone could be so malevolent. So evil.

…

Her head throbbed with pain again. Thankfully however, a kind and reassuring Xinyan was there for her…

"If Xiangling were here, I'm sure she'd have some nice food analogy to say,” Xinyan attempted, “but if you want me to help, then you have to tell me--"

"But I caaaan't~!” Barbara whined, her voice muffled against the wood of the table. "I can't tell you..."

"Well, I’m sorry then," Xinyan said, raising her hands up in surrender. "But I won't judge. I promise."

Her heart ached at the secrecy she was forced into, but she had to respect Childe’s wishes. However, without even a subtlety of a hint available, all it left in turn was a deaconess in a similar, yet torturous, lonesome.

With her tired hands, she picked up the bowl of soup. Though she couldn't feel the heat through her charred fingertips, she let it burn her throat.

A quiet sigh escaped as she fought back tears. Yesterday, when she and Xinyan had trod their feet on the water as one, Barbara truly believed that she would never be alone again. Now it seemed like a bitter irony in the past.

…If she failed now, then her back would be turned from Liyue. Forced under a promise to help Childe, and forced to disintegrate those beautiful golden structures with her Pyro flames.

It pained her to simply accept the situation, especially with all the people she had familiarised herself with.

There were so many people that she was letting down.

Fearing the risk of crying, she wiped all thought of Xinyan away. Instead, her mind derailed towards other people: The lady working in the perfume shop who commented on her hair, or the fisherman who recognised her… the Millileth who scowled at the both of them… even the two girls walking together…

She sighed.

…

…

Wait.

The idol completely froze in thought. 

Those two... they were from the Qixing, right? If anybody were to know how to summon the Geo Archon peacefully, then surely it would be those two. Perhaps the Mondstadt Knights couldn't call for Barbatos’ arrival, but the Qixing were different; an emergency contact with Morax must be in their ranks!

Her eyes widened with hope. Was her plan going somewhere?

Come on... think.  Think... like her sister. 

The Qixing wouldn't openly share how to summon an archon — that was just common sense. They would seal their mouths shut to an outsider, as she would with Barbatos. However, that didn’t mean it couldn’t be in writing; the information could simply be disclosed in the walls of the Qixing dwelling, right?

Xinyan had discussed of the Qixing House just beside the Liyue Terrences, and their traditions spanning centuries. If she could convince a guard to enter inside, she could gather clues as to how to summon Rex Lapis.... or perhaps, if the Qixing were outside of that very building altogether, then Childe could do some sneaking around inside! And if he gets caught, then he could learn the merits of mindfulness through time in jail!

Barbara beamed. Surely it was a win-win, but could she possibly manage that?

Her eyes averted to Xinyan. The idol needed a way to distract the Qixing, just temporarily. If there was even a slight chance, she’d have to take it…

…yet her only talent was in music. Could a foreign singer possibly capture such attention in a place like this?

No. She couldn’t give up now. There had to be a reason. A line she could cross. A weakness that could be taken advantage of. She just had to find the final piece…

What had they said. What had they said?

…

…

“We haven’t had a Seven-Star performance for so long!”

“You say that every year.”

For the first time in many moons, her eyes sparkled in jubilant magentas and blues. It was though a firework ignited her head, so magnificent that her body convulsed with joy. The idea was ludicrous, comical, yet the proposition felt so wondrous. Her mind couldn’t help but float to a euphoric state. Perfect. The idea was perfect. No, beyond perfect.

"A performance… A concert! We need to hold a concert right now!”

Barbara’s head snapped towards Xinyan, grabbing onto the thick fabric of her clothing. A squeak forced its way out of Xinyan, though Barbara’s grip only tightened. She couldn't control her new-found joy.

“Please help! For the sake of Liyue… we have to—“

“Woah!” Xinyan quickly jerked aside, brushing away the desperate hand that clawed at her shirt. “You’re getting real excited there, Barbara.”

Quickly remembering herself, Barbara flushed red. She had long forgotten how she behaved when a breakthrough happened, but this one was simply so amazing, so fantastical, that even if she tried to calm herself, she knew her emotions were a lost cause.

“Please help… for Liyue.” Barbara repeated to Xinyan, whom was also turning red herself. “This will be so important… for everybody!”

“Hey hey… I-- I'm sorry, but you know what I said about Liyue laws. We need to tell the Qixing a week before a concert, and with the Rite happening—"

"Aah! No!” Barbara dreaded those words, even though she knew they would be said. “There must be a way. There has to be… right? I need this to happen. Please.”

Xinyan looked down, the matted head of the now-disheveled girl now sunk upon her lap. No words could describe the shame Barbara felt to beg like this, but the stakes were so inconsiderably high. Someone of her stature should never beg, but desperate times called for desperate measures. She needed support… she needed her…

"Please."

For a terrifying moment, there was no response. Had she gone too far?

…

“I know a friend of Ningguang. I’ll tell them to talk to her about it.” Xinyan finally said, with a soft hand that toyed with her hair. “Though you need to tell me everything. What's this concert about anyway?”

Barbara didn’t answer the question, and instead squeezed her arms tight around her waist. Another squeak followed, before she sheepishly returned a hug from above. "H-Hey seriously, what's up with you?"

Despite the stress washing away once more, she remained silent. There was still much left to do…

…but having Xinyan's help brought solace to her heart. She wasn't alone.

...

"Hey, are we interrupting something?"

Both girls awkwardly shuffled away from one another, quickly turning to see who was looking down on them.

Directly there stood a slightly abashed Xiangling, alongside another younger boy of similar stature. With short blue hair that was swept to the side, and large golden eyes, radiating with elegance, Barbara could almost believe he hailed from a clan similar to Eula’s.

"Xiangling, We're definitely interrupted something." The boy spoke.

"Shhh! Let’s not embarrass them any further, Xingqiu." Xiangling chastised, but even her own smirk couldn't be concealed.

"H-Hey! It's nothing like that!" Xinyan shouted defensively. "It's just— it's just..."

All eyes turned to Barbara, which only turned her blush into a searing crimson one. Having so many eyes on her always made things worse — she had learned that the hard way — but this time, she found that even her lips wouldn't move.

The silence remained, and Barbara feared the awkwardness would engulf her in a feeling beyond shame. However, before it could get any worse, a laugh rippled through the other two.

”We're just kidding!" Xiangling laughed. "We've been standing here for a while honestly. What’s this about a concert?"

Quickly, they brought a chair around the circular table, setting themselves down to face both the flustered girls. Out of embarrassment, Barbara refused to return the gaze, unable to respond, unable to move. But she didn’t have to — Xinyan had already bursted into the conversation with a laugh. It was as though the ordeal had never happened to begin with.

…

… Huh?

Barbara turned left, and then right. Nobody was paying attention to them anymore.

There was a sinking feeling in Barbara's heart that couldn't shake away, but a lovely word for it would be confusion. In Mondstadt, the gossip from any embarrassing moment from her would spread faster than the dandelions seeds of Starfell Lake! The rumours would swirl, the whispers from hecklers would billow, and her idolatries would be tarnished for pitiful days at a time! Recovering from such a scene was so difficult, and yet Xinyan was aimlessly chatting away as if nothing had happened? Barbara was truly lost for words.

The last time a scene like this happened, Kaeya had been there to whisk her away before she became too overwhelmed. This time, she didn’t even need anyone.

What was this? Was this… what she had been missing out from? Just as quickly as it came, the high she had felt from her plan had dissipated away, in favour for an emotion she couldn’t describe. Xinyan was smiling so much, and so were Xingqiu and Xiangling. They were all enveloped in cheer, recalling the tale with everyone's complete investment. A sight that Barbara certainly should’ve felt joy at, only made her feel… dejected.

As Barbara eyes drifted away, a bitter smile dawned on her face; she couldn't remember a time similar to this in her own life.

The thought of Bennett and Noelle returned, and this time, it wouldn’t part ways with her brain. Even in front of them, Barbara would select her words, careful not to get carried away, careful not to look too upset in front of them. And yet, even those two visited less and less as winter came, despite being the only people whom she would call a ‘friend’. As for everybody else... they had drifted too far away. Even her Big Sis…

What did it mean? Was her connection really friendship?

If anything, spectating Xinyan’s conversations only reminded her of the time... when Venti and Jean had... left her... all alone... after Signora came...

...

...

“A concert? The Seven Star Concert?” Xiangling exclaimed. That managed to snap Barbara back into the conversation.

“Barbara, right? Is this Qixing concert you speak off...?”  

The feeling of eyes on her was quickly brought back to the forefront, but she fought the feeling off. She managed to look back up, faltering her words slightly. "Y-Yes, the concert for... today?"

For a moment the atmosphere had turned a complete still, and Barbara was ready to fill the void with frantic apologies. However, as though a bolt of lightning had struck, a spark bursted into all three of them. She could feel the unforeseen energy roaring within each of their isises. 

And Barbara blinked, completely lost.

“We HAVE to get Chongyun and Hu Tao! They were the ones who tried orchestrating it the first time, right?”

Xiangling giggled, and the others joined in, furiously nodding. The glint on all their eyes was so mesmerising to look at, but Barbara’s surprise was concentrated at the recognition shared within them. None of them were part of the Qixing, so why should they even know of it?

“E-Excuse me?” Barbara’s heart jumped at the snap of heads. “First time? Wh-What are you talking about?”

“Oh, right!” Xinyan spoke, somehow managing to look more energised than ever before. 

The girl quietly cleared her throat, and quickly looked for approval from the other two friends. From the giddy smile on her face though, it seemed as though she would have told her regardless. “Well, back when we were kids, all of us tried to host that performance for the Qixing as well!”

Barbara let the cutlery in her hands clatter to the floor, mouth agape.

“Hah, it didn’t work out well as you’d hope, but we all worked soooo hard!” Xiangling continued the tale, “I made so many dishes, and everyone else was decorating. But right as we left for the Qixing House, some Milileth stopped us!”

“They wouldn’t budge! Even when we explained it to them, they refused to let us perform. It broke all of us, Hu Tao the most...” Xingqiu finished, trailing off. “But now we’re older, we definitely know our way around this!”

The idol was still frozen. “W-We?” It was the only question Barbara could muster.

“If you told me it was for the Qixing, then I would've accepted right away! Trust me, there are so many people that wanting this to happen." Xinyan leaned back on her chair. "We can help you."

"B-But how do you know about it...? Why did you try to do it the first time?"

"Well, we found an ancient book in our library that detailed it." Xinyan responded. "But we — well, Hu Tao — tried to do it for some recognition… and to have fun. It really brought us all together; I’m sure this would do the same.”

"Y-Yes... that's m-my reason as well." Barbara improvised her lies, though it came out as a spluttering mess of syllables.

Luckily though, it seemed that none of the three were suspicious of it, or perhaps they were too invested in the idea to care. Regardless, they looked at one another with the widest smiles, in a silent, collective agreement... to help. Her.

"Then let's try it again. I'll go cook some stuff, and Xingqiu and Xinyan can find Chongyun and Hu Tao!" Xiangling cheered, joined onwards with the other three.

"Say, Barbara. Why don't you buy some decorative items then? I'll set the stage up with some chairs after talking with Beidou." Xinyan smiled, realising that Barbara was still lost for words. "Hu Tao knows somebody with a lot of knowledge about stuff like these...  so why don't you go with Xingqiu and ask her about it?"

Everything was happening so quickly. She had managed to get three — possibly five people — to help her. There weren't enough words Barbara could say to them. How did this happen?

"Thank you so much everyone... thank you," Barbara whispered, a smile on her face.

They all smiled back. 

Barbara really did feel blessed.

Chapter Text

“We’ll all meet by the Qixing house, right?” Xiangling asked, and quickly met with eager nods. “So let’s get going!”

The group cheered with elation before disbanding quickly. The anticipation to perform left them with an enthusiasm beyond even her own, and Barbara was grateful to see it. After all, time was truly of the essence, and Barbara feared it would be difficult to separate the group of friends after such a miracle. Alas, they shared her commitment, and it was truly a relief to see them as excited as she was

The Funeral Parlour was where she was needed now. With that in mind, Barbara scurried alongside Xingqiu, ruminating brighter, more fantastical ideas. Though a part of her was draped in an unplaced jitteriness, she was too enveloped in gratefulness to draw away now. This was for Liyue, and for her own growth.

Still, Barbara couldn’t help giggling to herself at every turn. It was only a few minutes ago when all hope felt lost — Barbara could never forget the bitter queasiness plaguing her wake, nor the terror coursing through her veins that morning. It took only a few minutes for her plan to coalesce, and only a few more afterwards to get the support from Xinyan’s friends! The hope that burned her heart was invigorating, beyond any emotion she had felt before.

There were just so many ideas in mind, so much to do: the audience, the food, the songs she would perform. She simply couldn't wait to prove her usefulness!

"Hah, well the truth is… a rumour started that the Qixing handed out Visions when we were younger." Xingqiu chuckled to himself, as Barbara walked behind him, remaining silent. “We thought that if we performed, we'd all get our Visions. What naïve children we were, huh?”

Barbara bit her lip, not knowing whether to giggle, or chip in with her own tale. After all, she too had once thought that praying hard enough for Barbatos would bless her with an Anemo Vision! Alas, it had taken only one tune under the brink of exhaustion for her Hydro Vision to spawn. To this day, the countless hours wasted away still filled her with shame, and yet hearing that story of his made her feel… solace.

They were only just over the bridge connecting the two sections of Liyue together when Xingqiu stopped. “You still never gave a reason why you wanted to perform. Though you did say it was for recognition, I don't quite believe you." 

Birds soon flocked through them, as the Liyue people continued on with their idle chatter. To Barbara however, it felt as if time were slowing down. The sun was shining so brightly upon the both of them, yet it was coupled with a rush of cold air that provoked a disastrous contrast. 

He kept his face forward, happening to miss the despair-stricken expression growing on the idol’s face. Despite deducing so many qualities from Xingqiu: from his Eula-like posture, to his manner of speech, still she didn’t expect him to weave past her unconvincing half-truths. The weight of worry pulled her back for a moment, but quickly she steadied herself.

Not now. Not anymore… she was stronger now. She couldn’t let Childe down. Not yet.

"Anyhow, if Xinyan trusts you, then I won’t pursue this. She’s better at deducting others compared to me."

"O-Oh?"

"We're here."

Relief crashed against her body as she snapped to attention, eager for the subject change. Nothing was particularly special at first glance, until the squint of her eyes noticed a man with familiar ginger hair, alongside two others. If she didn’t bite her tongue then, Barbara feared she would yell his name with a joyous cheer.

"That's Zhongli and Hu Tao over there." Xingqiu must have followed her eye movement. "Though I don't know who that man is."

"Childe." That was all Barbara said, as she stared. 

Even he, a far outlander from Schnetzaya, could talk to others with ease...

"Xingqiu?" 

Before long, the trio heads had turned to face the both of them. At that moment, Barbara felt incredibly glad to be directly behind Xingqiu.

"Oh, Barbara?" Childe peeked over the other man's shoulder. "It’s a surprise to see you here — what happened?"

Barbara walked towards Childe, and simply nodded.

"So would you like anything?" Childe motioned towards the other three people in their vicinity, whom had already began another jubilant conversation. Despite his vagueness, he understood exactly what she had meant with her motions. "I'd like to hear about your day as well, once we're back at my place."

The idol nodded once more.

The grin on her face must've been contagious because Childe quickly matched hers with his own smile. "I hope everything goes well then. It's nice to see you this way again."

"The Seven Star Celebration, you say? Yes, I do have some knowledge about its origins." 

A deep voice took the centre stage, and both Childe and Barbara turned to face the taller man in the group. It was the first time Barbara had regarded the man; and to her utter dismay, he happened to turn at that same instant. Barbara froze at the sight, before snapping her eyes towards the stone floor once again.

"Excuse me, Tartaglia. Xingqiu and Hu Tao were just telling me of an old tradition that falls on this very day," Zhongli spoke slowly. "Do you mind if we discuss matters later this evening, or possibly after the performance?"

"Oh, that'd be fine!" Childe laughed, before quietly whispering to Barbara in a hushed tone. "Is this...?"

For the third time, Barbara nodded, staring at the ground and dearly appreciating its experience.

"Barbara, is it?” The man spoke again. “Xingqiu claims that it is best to arrange some decorations for this celebration, and that we leave together to buy some items. Are you okay with that?"

Lost in thought now, Barbara nodded.

"Toni-- Barbara… look at him and say yes." Childe whispered, correcting himself between sudden coughs. When there was no response however, he began to nudge at her shoulder. "Maybe it is difficult for you, but he's a very kind and wise person. Trust me."

…

Slowly, Barbara looked up to face him. To face him and the terribly black aura surrounding everything around him. 

There were no words for it. Perhaps he was “wise” with his dark-golden coat and black gloves, his amber eyes that read a thousand years of knowledge, with his sharp gaze and expressionless face. None of it mattered when he held an aura this depraved. Looking away wasn’t enough to shield it, and already she felt her loss in balance as they maintained eye-contact.

She didn’t immediately notice the moment it began to materialise, but to be a witness of it alone was terrifying. Childe's was nowhere near as powerful as this — Oh Barbatos, she had thought Signora's was the worst of it! This was nauseatingly strong, to the extent where disorientation overrode all focus. What could cause an aura like this to form? What had he done?

…

…

10 seconds

20 seconds— 

No. There was too much at stake to do this charade now. She needed to do this, regardless of whoever she faced or not.

This was for Liyue.

"I... I would appreciate it." Barbara forced out, wariness rising with each passing second. "I will appreciate it."

Zhongli stared a second longer, and Barbara’s eyes instinctively narrowed, seeking control. Despite how horrifying Zhongli’s aura bloomed, the thought of her friends’ own aura returned. Rosaria. Venti. She was not one to judge, and with her current predicament with Stari, she refused to judge.

During moments like these, that’s how she chose to live with herself.

"Alright, do you want anything?" he asked innocently. Luckily, Childe happened to miss the epiphany building in the idol’s mind; his smile of relief was near unmistakable.

Barbara could only manage a strained smile as she faced the warrior.

"Well... I think I need some Mora..." 

Thankfully, Childe was a generous man. That was the first moment of sheer appreciation for Liyue.

Zhongli also made her life far easier than she imagined — undoubtedly, he proved to be the most reserved person she had encountered in Liyue! Amidst such a stressful situation, the blanketing peace of silence provided great relief to her heart.

The way Xinyan had described Zhongli's talent was truly an understatement — as though he were a walking tale of fables, he managed to recall the most specific decorations in the festival itself, from the rose jewels, to the order of fauna on the stage itself. Even the way he worked with the other shopkeepers amazed all around him.

It amazed her just as much as it terrified her. Who was he really? 

Just like Childe had been, his aura contradicted his behaviour immensely. This difference was almost a joke. Even when Barbara’s response came flat, or with a shrug of her shoulders, Zhongli kept involving her with his purchases, staying calm and collected.

The charade was a welcome one. Things were simpler now. Things were moving smoothly. Zhongli was taking the reins; and now she now had time to breathe... time to prepare the song... time to prepare the rest of the journey…

Time to think...

Barbara looked up to his back — his aura had dimmed a lot more since then, and accepting that was a griping thought. This usually happened to everybody she knew, yet those with the disgustingly dark ones tended to stay for a very long time, as Diluc's had. However, Zhongli's was already thinning away, and Childe's had disappeared on the day they had met.

Barbara still didn't understand it. In all her days of harnessing it, her abilities to read the auras around objects and people had never been this unusual before. Truthfully, Barbara wanted to excuse this as the Delusion's unpredictability, just so that she could convince herself that she wasn't surrounding herself with lunatics. Of course though, she knew it couldn't be that simple or kind as that.

As if she had been speaking out loud, Zhongli pivoted to face her. Barbara immediately froze as she stood underneath his gaze — though unintentional, his eyes were too imposing.

"Are you alright, Barbara? I sense that you're in some form of distress.”

"H-Hah! I-I'm alright! Just... just excited to get this done for all my friends~!" Barbara choked out, forcing normality into her voice.

"Oh. I see." Zhongli replied, likely seeing through the lie completely. "I am aware of how difficult it must be to trust me, but do not trust first impressions. Only trust what you learn as you get to know them.

Barbara tensed up. "I'm sorry... it's um-  just..."

"You can see auras, correct?" 

As if on instinct, Barbara immediately took a step back, head buzzing with anxiety. There was absolutely nobody who knew of it, not even Jean! "H-How do you know!?"

"I have met many people who harnessed that ability. The very moment you so much as glanced at me, I gathered that you wielded such talents." Zhongli calmly spoke. 

Barbara managed to look up at his amber eyes, noticing how they have considerably softened. It was as though he understood how grave his aura was. For a few seconds, he slowly closed his eyes, giving himself time before he spoke.

"I assume that mine is far more harrowing than those you have met, correct?"

And Barbara could only do so much as to nod. This was a conversation that she thought that she would never speak about; simply discussing it made it hard to comprehend... hard to speak about.

"In truth, I am not surprised. In my... past, I have made countless decisions, and countless mistakes... mistakes I regret to this day." Zhongli's lips were still pursued, but his body language betrayed him. He drew out another long pause before speaking again. "All I ask is for you to not judge me for what I have done in my past. I have no intention of harming anybody now."

"I..." Barbara looked even further away, trying her hardest to grasp everything she had been told.

Why did he mention those final words, about not harming anybody? Did that mean he had done it before? Does it mean that he had hurt somebody else? 

...

He could just be lying to her — everything could be! As many had done, he could be taking advantage of her naïvity, and plan something just as awful for the concert. There were too many suspicious things about him, and her mind kept repeating the same thing, over and over... an aura like his was not to be trusted

Yet her heart spoke otherwise... she really wanted to believe him. Just as she believed in Childe.

She knew what it was like to make a mistake in her past. To harm somebody... she had done it before, and it hurt so incredibly bad. The detriments wore away at her every day, lingering forever. 

Forgiveness was right. After all, Barbara had blood on her hands now too... what could her own aura look like?

The deaconess forced a smile, the question repressing itself immediately. "Alright, I'll... try."

"That's all I ask for." Zhongli responded, before slightly turning to look past her.

"It looks like you've got everything under control huh?" A cheery, but familiar voice rose.

Barbara snapped her head to face two familiar girls. Hu Tao, with a devilish grin on her face, stood directly beside Xinyan. They look so happy in each other’s company, standing so closely together. 

"It's awesome, Barbara! Beidou managed to convince the higher-ups to do it! We have the papers and everything!"

And while Barbara was busy recovering from the scare to her poor soul, she immediately felt the uplifting emotions from Xinyan's words. Once again, the fireworks lighted in her mind; the most beautiful fireworks she had ever felt in her life. 

"Xinyan! This is really happening!" Barbara practically squealed as she leapt forward, holding the other singer's hand. "We're doing it! Us two really are going to do this performance! Ooh, I could just burst into a song right now~!"

"W-Wait, us two? I don't know... the Liyue people don't really like my type of music..." Xinyan had trailed off near the end.

"Well, this is the perfect chance to change that!" Barbara chose not to falter any longer. All her uncertainty had dangerously washed away, only making her more eager to perfect this show. She held Xinyan's hand with an even tighter grip as she spoke. "So let's convince Liyue that you're the best performer ever~!"

...

Xinyan's face had turned completely red, and so did hers.

...

"Hahaha… they’reeeee in the middle of something, aren’t they."

"Yes, I like to think we are interrupting something"

"We aren't doing anything!" Barbara and Xinyan both spoke in unison.

Once Hu Tao’ incessant giggles had (finally) subsided, Zhongli was first to break the eternal silence. "Now that we have finished buying these goods. I think it would be best to depart with Hu Tao and his friends and set this up. I must admit, if this goes according to plan, it may be a truly marvellous sight."

"O-Of course." Barbara responded with a giggle, "Hey! Why don't we practice our songs together? I'd love to hear more of your songs~!"

"Alright, us two can work together then!" Xinyan cheerily responded. "I've always wanted to know how Mondstadt does their music."

Barbara smiled. Xinyan was such a gem. She couldn't believe that people could find her terrifying when she was so courteous, and unimaginably gentle! Liyue's going to learn knows how great she is with their performance!

"I'll ask... Childe." Barbara stopped herself, whispering the name. She actually didn't know whether he would accept her inside quite yet. "If we can't practice by Childe's place, then hopefully we can practice by Xiangling's restaurant, right?"

"I don't know that guy, but I'm totally down with that." Xinyan smiled, and Barbara smiled too.

She couldn't put this feeling into words until she thought back to where she had started. From the Delusion she was given, and the promise that Stari had made to her. There was a perfect word to describe this feeling.

She felt strong. 

After everything that had been thrown in her direction, she had still managed to fight against it, and she was managing to smile. She was still holding on, and the relief of it all unfolding only made this feeling so much better.

Her smile turned into one massive grin.

Nothing was stopping her now.

Chapter Text

The rehearsals ended quicker than she’d like it to be, and yet a warmth eased Barbara as she returned to the Pavilion.

Reluctantly, Childe had allowed Xinyan inside his mansion, in spite of his flaming need for privacy. Perhaps a lot of time was spent directing her upstairs with a blindfold, but the handful of songs they created was worth every second. Being with Xinyan again was worth every second…

In fact, Barbara could not be any happier. To rediscover the desire for songwriting after so long was wonderful enough, but to experience it with another person?

She was over the moon at that. Witnessing Yunjin’s composing that fabled night was amazing, and Xinyan was no different, bringing a flair unlike anything she had heard before; so daring, so bold, and so captivating. Barbara couldn’t help swooning. Undoubtedly, with the touch of her own pen, both girls knew a paragon of music had been made. They knew the power of their songs could touch the hearts of every Liyuen citizen.

Her mind kept replaying those lovely song as she walked along the streets, squeezed between Childe and Xinyan. Though uncomfortable, it proved to be for the best; there were masses of eyes turning towards her direction for the first time. Somehow, the concert had reached the public knowledge, and it only meant a larger crowd. More people to look away…

“Oh archons…” Xinyan breathed out once they reached the stage, and Barbara turned to face her direction. She too, joined in her shock.

There weren’t enough words to describe it. The area around it already looked so bright and jovial, with plethoras of reds and greens and blues contrasting the natural golden hues of Liyue. Yet, at the same time, it looked so orderly too, with each and every ornament working in tandem to make the beautiful sight. Xingqiu and another silver-coloured boy were sorting decorations out under Zhongli's orders, whilst Hu Tao seemed to be energetically plastering decorations wherever she wanted to. Everything looked perfect. Everything was perfect.

The centre piece was a large octagonal stage facing the house, golden rims that decorated it exactly how Zhongli had described it. Away to the side was a backstage area, hiding underneath a beautifully tailored curtain. Seven chairs stood directly to the front, with a golden ribbon barrier that separated the audience to the front. The moat even glowed in an entrancing blue! Barbara was left mouth agape at the sight.

"Look Barbara." whispered Childe as he motioned towards the golden house behind the stage.

Somehow, the idol's eyes managed to look away. The cyan-haired girl, the same one who had walked with the purplette earlier, was shyly peeking through the window. Her eyes sparkled with unbridled joy — no, an emotions beyond happiness. For only a second did their eyes met, but it was too long.  Her face flushed red, and she shrank below the window.

Barbara giggled to herself, already enjoying the joy that she was bringing to others~

"So you want me to sneak inside and find anything, while you distract everybody there? It's going to be hard with the Milileth, especially the Qixing. Plus there may be some who aren't watching. I’m counting on you to do your best, or otherwise…"

Childe trailed off as soon as she saw Barbara's face pale immediately.

In Barbara’s short-lived, simple existence, she had expected a warmth to fill her heart when told such things. A soothing, yet vigorous amount of hope. She thought that hearing Childe’s words would reinforce her courage.

No. Instead, it was dread flourishing down her body.

"I-- I- th-think t-t-" Barbara stuttered immediately.

This time, everybody noticed. 

As they were preparing her decorations... as they prepared for her performance, they stared at her from all directions.

"Haha! Nerves... nerves." In a heartbeat, Childe saved the situation before the breakdown could get any worse. "Hey, let's get you into your outfit."

All Barbara could do was nod to that concerned tone, as she was practically dragged behind the red curtain. His grip was tight, but it also looked like he was controlling himself too.

Hearing him speak about all her duties shouldn't have dampened her courage, and yet it did. In just an instant, Barbara felt waves of terror trailing down her back. The thought of performing now felt nauseous. Childe had reminded her of how important her mission was… it was more important than anything she has ever done in her life…

Childe stood in front of her, trying to console a jittery idol soon performing the concert of her lifetime.

"What if they don't enjoy it! Nobody has ever disliked my performances, but if they were the first, then how could I ever recover? How could I look at Xinyan, or anyone who helped in the eyes?"

Usually, Barbara wouldn't open herself as she did now. Usually, she kept all those intrusive thoughts to herself. Usually, she wouldn't let anybody see her like this. And yet, Childe had managed to weave this way right through her; Barbara found the words escaping her mouth, too fast and jumbled and uncontrolled for her own liking.

"Don't worry about the Qixing. They may look intimidating, but they're really just harmless, relatively speaking of course." Childe assured, placing a golden blue flower on her blonde hair. "You look great, Barbara."

"But I've never performed for a crowd of this size!" Barbara continued. She shifted nervously from side to side, her apprehension rising until even thinking was a pain. "What if I mess up? Would I get you in trouble? You could get caught--"

"Hey, don't you worry about me." Childe placed a hand on Barbara's shoulder. "But right now, you're already a mess. And we can't have that, can we?"

The idol looked away. She had spent so much time on her performances, to the point that she believed she could perform for absolutely anybody if asked! But as she looked at her trembling hands, she realised that it was completely the opposite. She let herself believe that nothing could stop her, yet there was one entity blocking her path. An entity that had always blocked her path. There was a word for it now.

Her own insecurities.

The deaconess felt hopeless. No... she was hopeless. She was always so detestably hopeless.

For as long as she remembered, Barbara had been depending on others. She had depended on Barbatos since birth, and her Father for her duties and accommodation. In her own twisted way, she was even depending on the injured she healed, and the fans she performed for... because what would she be without them!? Despite how often she would be called dependable by all of Mondstadt, to her it felt very much the opposite!

This moment was living proof to her. For the first time, there were no fans here, and everybody around her was depending on her instead. This was everything she wanted, so why was so... scared?

Was this why Jean and Aether didn't want her exploring with them? Was this why the Knights never called for Barbara's aid? Because they knew that Barbara could never do something herself? Or something as perfectly as Jean could, or Lisa, or anybody at all?

W-Was that why they left her that one time? Because they knew the futility of bringing her into it? Knowing how little she could do on her own!?

The thought of her sister, and failing once again, was what really pushed her over the edge. An edge that she didn't even know existed.

"What do I do..." Barbara could feel a tear rolling down her face, and she desperately tried to control herself before she could shame herself any further. But another one sooner followed, and her heart spoke for her instead. "Everybody has worked so hard for this moment… and I'm going to let everybody down!"

Barbara pushed her palms into her eyes and began to sob. All the tears that refused to fall since attaining that horrible Delusion accumulated to this very moment, and they painfully streamed down her eyes. Her eyes roared with the fiery waves of pain, but she couldn't stop crying. Xinyan... Xiangling... Zhongli... even Childe! She would let them all down, and she despised that thought. 

"No... no wonder nobody ever wants my help!" Barbara rubbed her eyes vigorously as another dam broke, directly beside her heart. "If I can't even do what I'm best at, what else can I do?"

"Barbara!? Hey! Hey... easy now." Childe quickly noticed Barbara losing her balance, and slowly eased her down. 

Her chest was heaving from her mental anguish, as she violently shook with every hitched breath. What was she doing? She was crying? Was she crying in front of another person?

She was crying. Why was she crying? This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen—

"Barbara, it's only natural to be afraid for something like this, especially with all this pressure on you." Childe softly, yet directly, spoke. She already knew those words, and yet coupled with the comfortable rubbing on her back, it helped. "But that doesn't mean you are alone on that stage. We all want to help you, in whatever way we can."

His words were soothing, and slowly, her breaths became less shallow, and her sniffling also quietened down. 

What had she just done? She was mortified at the thought. For the first time in years, she had cried in front of another person.

"I-I'm so sorry. I'm s-sorry for acting like this-" Barbara tried to apologise, but it came out as incomprehensible words.

"Shhhh, it’s alright. I promise." Childe shushed Barbara. "Look. You'll have to face this burden whether you like it or not, and we've all worked hard to set this stage for you. So let's make them all proud, alright? Look at my eyes and say you want to succeed."

Barbara froze for only a moment, before looking up. Puffy cyan eyes met his concerned blues. 

"I want... want to make everyone happy."

"There you go. That's the Barbara I know." It hurt to keep her eyes open, but he could see the smile on Childe’s face. "Don't think about everything that could go wrong. Think about the success that will come from it. There's a lot, right?"

"Y-You will find a way to summon the Geo Archon, and w-we won't have to d-destroy Liyue..." Barbara trailed off. "Everyone will be happy."

Childe looked away as Barbara finished her assurements, an unreadable expression on his face.

He turned back. “I'll give you the same advice that I gave Tonia, alright? Close your eyes, and imagine it's a crowd of the people you love. Your friends. Your family." Childe comforted. "Imagine them cheering for you, and it’ll go fine. Trust me, I want this to work out as well."

"...You do?"

"Well, let's say I'm on the fence."

Barbara soon realised that she wasn't sniffling anymore. Her eyes didn't hurt anymore. Somehow, Childe had calmed her down.

She had forgotten this feeling... of having somebody else comforting her.

A quiet silence was held between the two, the only noise being Childe's hand patting on Barbara's back. It brought her back to when she was younger, where Big Sis would do the same. The warmth in her heart was the same. 

"Can I imagine you as w-well?"

"Huh?"

"Y-You're helping me. You- You always help me, whenever I ask." Barbara admitted, looking down. "So if I imagine my friends, can I image you as well?"

Childe stared, eyes wide. For once he looked like he couldn't answer. 

Barbara was quick with her words. "O-Oh. I'm sorry-- I guess that we aren't close enough for that-"

"N-No! It's fine!” Childe spoke. Barbara had never heard him stutter before. "I'm just surprised. All the pressure you’ve felt is because of me, and yet you’re blaming yourself. It’s really my fault that you’re…"

The idol momentarily froze, taking those words in.

"But this pressure is what makes me stronger, right?"

Barbara managed to smile bitterly, and she looked back up to Childe's face, taking a moment to breathe. She found her voice returning, words clear to mind. "When I managed to create this plan, I remember feeling so... strong for a moment. If I manage to get through it all, and succeed, then I will be stronger. That was your plan right, like what Stari told me? To make me stronger?"

There was another silence.

"but I'm still weak."

Barbara turned away, thinking back to the moments prior, the smile losing its shape. She had to find solace in the job she was best at… To her, that was her unfettered definition of weak.

"Then I'll help you get stronger." Childe still looked surprised, but he managed to formulate words. "Will that make you more confident?"

"I-- Yes. It will."

Childe stood up, reaching a hand out for Barbara to hold. With relative ease, the swordsman helped her up and teasingly ruffled her hair. "When I was younger, somebody trained me into the swordsman that I became. It would be refreshing to continue her legacy, wouldn’t it?”

He smiled, and before Barbara could answer, the curtains quickly opened. It revealed a worn-out Xiangling, alongside a more-excited Xinyan. "I've made all the dishes! And I saw some of the Qixing peeking through the win-- whoa, Barbara, your eyes are red. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Childe helped me." Barbara smiled weakly at Xiangling. It felt almost relieving that her heart didn't drop at that news. She truly did feel more… confident than before. "Everything is sorted? That's a relief... we have some time left, right?"

"Yeah, an hour at least. You sure you're okay?" Xinyan reached a hand over to soothe her shoulder.

As she felt Xinyan’s touch, she realised that Childe was right. She wasn't alone on that stage; there was already so much support from everybody who helped. Hu Tao and her friends would be there… Zhongli… and of course, Xinyan, connected by the hip. 

"I'm alright. I'm alright." Barbara shook her head. "Let's... change to our clothes, and recite some of our songs.

"Oh, I thought you went in here to change." Xinyan looked up to Childe, who was sheepishly smiling. "Didn't you say...?"

Luckily Childe was good at filling silences.

"I guess the conversation we had went a bit astray," Childe said, before turning around. "I'm going to... prepare myself. If you have any extra space for food, Xiangling, then may I make a Shnetzayan specialty for this performance?”

"Ohhh!?" All attention for Barbara and Xinyan had seemingly diverted as she began trailing behind the hydro warrior, inquiring him with too many questions to keep track on.

Both girls watched as they walked off the stage, before they faced one another. They basked in this silence, accepting that this was what fate had let them to. 

"So this is it, Barbara."

They were going to make the performance of a lifetime together, alongside all of her friends that helped. She was going to make Liyue proud of her. She was going to show everybody what she can really do! She was going to show the world that she was getting stronger, one moment after the next.

They were going to set this performance ablaze.

Chapter Text

The clamour of the audience grew louder and louder as Barbara shifted from side to side. Both Childe and Xiangling had disappeared no less than an hour ago, but Barbara decided to stay backstage, sorting her dress and making their final minute adjustments to their pieces.

”Oh archons… this really is happening.” Xinyan whispered to herself, still pacing around backstage.

Whilst her nimble body also veered about, Xinyan looked more excited than nervous. Barbara watched silently, indignant eyes that chased her sharp turns — even in the way she held her guitar, full of energy and enthusiasm, everything about her was rearing to go…

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this." Quickly Xinyan turned to her, and grinned widely. "This could be the beginning for me…”

At that, Barbara could feel herself unwinding. Keeping her composure, Barbara walked up to Xinyan, who was practically hugging the red curtain with her body. Xinyan’s head turned, confused at first, before tilting back in shock as Barbara embraced her.

This wasn’t just for Mondstadt, or just for Liyue. This was for Xinyan too… and she couldn’t fail her. 

"Do your best." She whispered, smiling to herself. 

The Qixing's eyes sparkled as they took in the view, and the audience quickly followed.

They had both dressed themselves accordingly, exactly how Zhongli had described. Long dresses, and coloured beautifully in glittering silvers. They let their hair out too, gracing their shoulders with their long tresses. Everything was of dear insistence to Zhongli, and so was done to the utmost perfection.

The adeptus in the Qixing seemed to have noticed immediately, as she began to squirm giddily, shaking the purple the next to her and enthusiastically pointing.

‘Perfect, they’re both sitting together.’ Barbara thought to herself.

Her eyes looked up to face the audience, and the familiar feeling of worry returned. This was by far the largest crowd she had been a part of… a couple multiple times larger than her previous largest performance. It absolutely swarmed the pavilion, where she feared there may be no breathing room for the poor audience!

Quickly, and almost desperately, she scanned the crowd. She needed to have one last glance at him, before he goes to complete his mission. And he’s there, standing so distinctively and so comfortingly as he always would.

Her nervous eyes met his comforting ones, and he quickly signalled a thumbs-up. He was mouthing something to her —  the advice he had given, no doubt — and Barbara quickly nodded in acknowledgment. Silently, she closed her eyes. She was going to do it… she will do it!

‘Thank you Childe’ Barbara whispered to herself.

And in no less than a second, she found herself back in Mondstadt.

The outside of Barbatos' Statue was where she’d always perform, where a crowd of familiar faces in Mondstadt had formulated around her. She felt her knees go weak as her eyes surveyed the audience, the old faces of the people she recognised coming into view: Amber, Bennett, Noelle, Jean. Her heart lurched when their eyes met.

Those were faces she missed. Faces that she wished to see so dearly, and yet the faces she couldn't return to. One day, she’ll be stronger for them — strong enough to handle her emotions, and strong enough to make these people proud of her.

"Jean, I'm sorry!" Barbara whispered. "I'm sorry that I left!"

"Barbara..." Jean was dotingly smiling as she looked up to her. "No matter how far away you may be, we'll always be here for you. So who's there to say that you've ever left your home?"

The crowd began chanting her name. Her friends were chanting her name. Jean chanted her name. Barbara didn't know how to feel, yet hearing those words brought an overwhelming emotion she couldn’t describe, one that quickly roused through her body. 

She managed to see them all in the crowd, even her Liyue friends...

...

This was for Liyue... and for Mondstadt. 

Barbara opened her mouth once the sounds of Xinyan's guitar began to play.

Summer falls like feelings on the sidewalk

Autumn leaves blow gently on my mind

How did this happen? I don't remember.

But does it matter? I live in heaven.

Your spark is warm, I feel it in my heartbeat

So look to me, I’ll tell you what I see

I wake up freezing, lost all my feeling

Then see your presence. My mind is screaming

It gets so tough sometimes but with your shine, it'll be alright.

I have you. Your warm smiles.

I have you. Your warm eyes.

And whether I live or die, I'm by your side 'till the end of time.

I have you. Your warm smiles.

I have you. Your warm eyes.

I have you.

You...

Once Xinyan played her solo, Barbara finally opened her eyes. She glossed over the crowd, only to find them completely enamoured. Quickly, she spotted Xinqiu with his friends, mouths agape, whilst the Qixing stared, entranced by her words. Her heartbeat swelled in pride; she was managing it! She was doing it!

With a fleeting glance, she looked up to the Qixing House, where the eyes of the guards remained directly at them. Childe had surely succeeded now. That only meant one thing.

There was still one more spark left in her. One final explosion that would surely gather everybody's complete attention.

She can do this!

Barbara peered down at Ganyu and Keqing, whom remained captivated by the singing, and blushing. As one. They had a person in mind, and this plan would only work if it truly resonated between the both of them... directly between the both of them.

This was the moment...

Taking a deep breath, Barbara began channeling her energy, imagining the memories of her time in Liyue. Not just the idle practicing with Xinyan, but more. The joys with Xiangling. The decorating with Hu Tao. The comfort around Tartaglia.

Ever so softly, an aura began to form around her, gently materialising around the entire stage. The deepest purples and the deepest blues emanated from behind, intermingling with one another, and forming a beautiful twilight around her performance. The collective gasp from the crowd quickly followed with the climax of Xinyan’s solo, ending with chords so majestically beautiful, that even Fate above sent their wishes, blessing them with the rising moon that shone behind them. It qas moment so perfect that it couldn't be excused as chance, colouring the entirety of the Pavilion in a beautiful, soothing array of hues.

The time was right, and Barbara rose a hand to point at the two girls. At that moment she stood as a butterfly, two majestic wings sprouting behind her, and two distinct colours. Purple and Cyan.

Your spark glows blue within your purple hues.

I feel love. I feel the love in you. So much love.

Love...

Both stared at one another, their blushes intensifying with every growing moment. The blues and purples veiled one other in their opposite colours, yet the crimson on their cheeks were the same. Xinyan herself seemed to realise exactly what was happening, as she brought her stance up, projecting her voice.

"Can we get a big cheer for Ganyu and Keqing! The most clueless couple in town!" Xinyan shouted loudly, for all of Liyue to hear.

An eruption of cheers broke out as the two mentioned girls cried out, eyes wide and mortified at the crowd around her. 

What a sight to behold. 

In spite of the control of the traditional Liyue culture, the audience was nearly screaming pit from the excitement and shock. Truly the loudest of them all was all the Qixing themselves, the two aforementioned girls becoming a victim to their supportive cheers. No crowd could ever quite replicate what she saw in that moment. It was perfect.

Surely a moment like this would surely never come again. All her performances were well received, yet she had never performed with her heart swelling with this much happiness and enjoyment. For just a singular moment, she seemed to forget every drawback that she had faced to get here, only noting the conclusion of it all.

She felt stronger.

The deaconess smiled widely, staring into the lively crowds of people.

"I think that there will be a new couple in Liyue after this show~!"

The crowd grows even wilder. From the blur of faces, she quickly noticed that it was Xinyan's friends screaming the loudest, cheering the both of them, so supportively. Barbara's mouth already hurt from how wide her grin was, but she waved to them out of instinct. She was so close to tears.

She just felt so happy. So uncontrollably happy for all the support she had reached. 

... and now, she just needed to pray that Childe found what she desired.

"Thank you so much everyone~! I have a couple more songs remaining!" Barbara spoke. "So let's shine together~!"

Chapter Text

"From all of the Qixing, we thank you for this performance. We have all been waiting a very long time for two of our members to tie the knot." What assumed to be the Tianquin smiled, eliciting a groan from the aforementioned Qixing. "Whilst we would be heading for our duties, I think these unusual events call us for a feast!"

The crowd cheered once more as they orderly exited the main Pavilion, heading towards the alleyway where an assortment of delicacies sat on various tables.

Barbara had never had a greater performance in her life. Every song, with every performance, played exactly how she wanted it to be. She even brought in Xinyan's friends to perform the song that they had prepared when they were younger, garnering just as much praise! Despite calming down considerably, she felt as though her mental state was in euphoria.

By then, Xinyan, whom had spent the past ten minutes crying over the new-found support, had left to eat with her friends, too delirious to exchange any more words. The idol didn't follow her; instead, she was sat down onto the edge of the stage, smiling to herself.

She would have made Jean proud; she was sure of it.

"Not hungry? I would've thought you'd come for my dish at least."

Barbara whipped her head around to face that familiar voice, her joy immediately showing. "Childe!"

He was standing there, holding a plate in his hands. There was no doubt that it was for her, as most of the plate was his own making, alongside some Mondstadt delicacies too. It was all thanks to him that she could ever do this, and no words of hers could ever repay the gratefulness she felt.

"Sadly there wasn't anything about summoning Morax directly, but it wasn’t all for waste. There were two letters that looked important enough on the cover. I'll show you after this party is done with." Childe spoke warmly, before leaning back, taking in Barbara's full view. He didn't look disappointed at all... in fact, he looked proud.

"What a spectacular performance! I heard so much cheering that I almost freaked out inside there..." Childe laughed. "Did my advice help?"

"Definitely! Thank you!" Barbara cheerily spoke. "I did what exactly you said and it worked!"

"Hahaha, you really must have stirred some trouble to make the crowd that loud!"

"Maybe not trouble... just... shifting the natural balance of Liyue?" Barbara smiled, before giggling lightly.

They both laughed together as Barbara took the plate from a Childe's hands. It all looked so delicious, and she reminded herself to heartily thank Xiangling a thousand times for everything they had done. Xinyan's friends... they all provided so much support that she didn't deserve at all.

"I'm going to feast on some other dishes," Childe spoke. "If you want to talk, I'll probably be back at my house by then."

"Ah— Alright, I'll be there soon. Thank you again!" Barbara affirmed as she watched Childe walk away from her. There was much she wanted to tell him, but it would be better once her heart had calmed further.

Though, as she turned her head, she quickly noticed that there was another man, busy surveying from where the Qixing sat. It didn't seem like Childe noticed either, for his clothes were too dark, though there was no doubt as to who it was. Their aura painted a recognisable outline against them anyway.

Barbara waited until Childe was gone to start talking.

"I didn't think you would come to watch." Barbara managed to speak first, using her newfound courage. “Did you enjoy the show?”

Of course, Zhongli had heard her, and slowly began to tread a long-winded path towards her. There was a comfortable weight to his footsteps, as reserved and light as he was, A pursued look was on his face the entire time, though it was clear he had an interest in the stage and its appearance.

"I too longed for this to happen. It has been much too long since a performance like this had happened." Zhongli's voice boomed through the starry balcony, his eyes remained still transfixed on the stage. "Though I'm certain that this was one of the best that has ever come from this tradition."

And only then did Barbara look up, noticing the concealed, yet evident, smile on Zhongli's face. "To finally see the Yuheng and the Qixing's Secretary together is a gratifying moment to behold, after all."

Barbara stared, before she began to laugh. Soon, Zhongli began chuckling too. The moment shared between them lingered on. His laughter wasn't empty, as Barbara imagined: it was as full of life as a budding flower, only revealing its true beauty once the shine of the sun was great enough. The petals were beautiful. 

"Will you be staying to eat as well? I asked the Qixing to make sure nobody would bother me, so this will be a quiet place to be in. You can eat besides me if you’d like.”

"I'd rather just admire this spectacle while I can. Moments like these can be so rare."

They basked in another silence. There was so much to learn about Zhongli; every sentence spoke with more feeling and tone, as though it resonated further within him. Perhaps he was an adeptus too? The idol opened her mouth, curiosity on the tip of her tongue.

"Though I do wonder why you performed this celebration. Xingqiu had told me of his suspicions of you before this performance, and I'd like to ask myself."

"I-- Ah..." 

She didn't expect Xingqiu to voice his concerns to anybody else, especially to someone like Zhongli. Nervously, she turned away from him, suddenly finding it harder to look at him, even after the precious moment they shared.

"I gathered you have ulterior motives, but you are far too gentle for them to be harmful," Zhongli spoke as softly as he could, which didn't work to calm her. "Though I must warn you about Tartaglia if he was the one who put you up to this."

The feeling in her heart quickly became to lot more pained. A wave of frustration rose over her.

"He shares his own ulterior motives too, some that he is hiding from you as well. There will be the chance that he will make you commit to something you do not want." Zhongli warned. "Barbara, I am certain that you have noticed his aura, yet you decided to go against your better judgment. Tell me, why did you do that?"

And Barbara was at a loss for words. She didn't know how to respond, or worse, she didn't want to respond to the question at all.

"Do not get misguided by his words, or otherwise, he may take advantage of whatever desires you have. That-"

"Wh-What do you know about him! Or me!" Barbara cried out defensively, surprising both of them with her own lashing out. "He has treated me s-so kindly, and has always told me the truth! We both have the same goals – he c-can't lie to me about that. You’re a-aura's is worse-"

"You share the same goals as somebody like him?"

...

...

...

"I'm leaving now." 

Barbara whispered, as she quickly stood up. Simply stating that question was far too much to handle, far too uncomfortable to answer. 

"All I ask for you is to understand what I see," Zhongli spoke, as she stood motionlessly, staring down at Barbara. There was an unreadable emotion on her face. "You're a kind woman with many dreams. It would be most unfortunate to see you enter a path that you will regret."

...

The deaconess briskly ran, refusing to look back.

"Barbara, you seemed to have returned early." Childe smiled at Barbara's despaired face.

"Y-Yes, I have." 

Barbara didn't want to talk about the conversation she had with Zhongli — she was too afraid to even ponder over the questions he had, out of fear... or even shame. Though she was still shaken up, and it showed in her wavered voice.

There was no way she could go back to living her simple life anymore, not like what Zhongli was speaking about. 

That was right ... she was still under this pressure, and she was okay with that... if it meant she would get stronger, then she would be okay with it.

"I've waited for you to come so that we can open it together. Don't want to ruin the surprise, right?"

"R-Right."

They both stood over the confidential papers, still sealed in its orange colour. The idol understood why Childe would think it was important, especially with the red markings that glowed with importance. 

She opened it and began to read:

Lady Keqing,

I have matters that concern the upcoming Rite of Decension. While there is so much to keep track of, especially with these coming days, there are also pressing issues that we must be aware of.

The Fatui seems to be becoming more prominent as time passes. One notable member is Ajax, who seems to be staying rather reclusive in the Harbour these past days. While one may be relieved at this, I only have more to assume that he will strike at the moment that Rex Lapis comes. We must be cautious with our Milileth, and keep them guarding at all times.

The other pressing issue comes with Rex Lapis himself. I ask you, as my assistant,  to watch his features carefully. You can bring Ganyu if you'd like. I would like to investigate a certain theory that I have. I assure you to keep reading, though take my words with dubiousness; though I also ask this as a friend.

As my time as the Tianquan prolongs, I have come to notice and recognise many of his sayings, and his words of advice to those on how Liyue may prosper. While it may seem natural to those such as merchants and other members of the Qixing members, I have found a blaring inconsistency. Lately, he has seemed to fall for rumours, some that, while they can be backed up, should not be spoken of.

I have more incriminating evidence, and I will detail them further to you in person later, after this Qixing concert is done with. It is far easier to speak to you in person for such confidentialities. I must repeat that you do not speak of this to anybody else. My message is in the second letter, hidden where you know it would be.

Do not be alarmed,

Ningguang

Barbara looked up at Childe who seemed to be far more focused on the first part. Who was this Ajax person firstly, but also... what was Rex Lapis hiding?

She reached out to the second letter, slowly opening it. And the very moment her eyes gazed on the single sentence written there, she dropped it from her shock, a gasp instinctively escaping. It fell onto the table, presenting itself upright and revealing the large and bold letters in all their glory. Childe looked up from her reaction, and he too froze in his shock.

Rex Lapis has a human form roaming in Liyue.

Chapter Text

Nothing could have prepared her for that news. 

The thought of sleep felt futile, and yet Barbara rested on her bed anyway. Closing her eyes only made the feeling worse, as her mind would roar back into attention, buzzing around with unfettered excitement. It had at least been midnight when she returned from her performance, and yet the contents of that letter held her mind captive. Thoughts circulated over and over again of that very moment, before and after.

Childe had been the first one to speak after the tense silence. At that moment, Barbara had never seen him so deep in thought, eyes solely trained onto the letter, and tracing that sentence with his eyes. He needed time alone, and so did she.

Now knowing the impossibilities of sleep, Barbara wished she contested back, or at least stayed a moment longer. The reward to her struggles had finally arrived, but now many unsolved questions circulated around it.

'Could Barbatos also have had a human form? Could I have met him?'

Another question, and another thirty minutes inevitably gone for that thought.  It wasn’t just aimless questions... (well, that was what she’s telling herself). 

Perhaps it was a new-found confidence after the performance, or even the tumultuous pressure of the Rite lifting altogether, but Barbara truly yearned an answer. She wanted to uncover who Rex Lapis was, and it wasn’t just from the influence of Stari, nor the threats from Childe coaxing her onwards.

…because knowing about Rex Lapis would mean learning about Barbados too.

…

Hope was dwindling however. She couldn't ask anybody for help, and now it wasn’t just Childe’s flawed reasoning. The absurdity of a human form alone brought its own informal deterrent; just the mention of Rex Lapis bearing one would make any passerby laugh, and at worst, have her prosecuted by Ningguang. Too many consequences had racked up now, to the extent where the overbearing silence would be a better suited environment.

Secrecy would keep herself safe, and maybe everybody else.

...

She found herself laughing bitterly at nothing.

Had things really changed since that day, when she kept that little secret, and faced the horrible consequences?

Barbara thought that she would stay giddy from her performance for the entire week, yet she couldn’t even muster a smile. Even with all the praise she openly received, and how she managed to make the Qixing so happy, she still hadn’t surpassed her ultimate objective. Her objective to get stronger.

There was still more to do.

It was the afternoon. Of course, Barbara forgets her aspirations the previous night.

Once again, it takes the burning of her eyes from the sun to register the beginning of the day. Immediately, Barbara bolted out of bed, rushing downstairs. She was late.

"I'm sorry—" Barbara dodged the weapon peeking from the corner. "For being late!" 

…

Silence. Childe wasn't there.

All tiredness in her body was quickly abandoned for a sharp confusion. Another call of his name resulted with the natural drone of the house, repeating it back, otherwise silent. Her eyes darted from open room to open room, looking for any hints, all to no avail. He was… gone.

Slowly, Barbara treaded to the front door, examining it. Locked. He was outside, and had locked her inside. The idol stared blankly, and then down to her hands.

She was trusted enough to be alone…

…

…

Wait.

She paused, before managing a smile. She was alone? Usually the nuns would prepare her clothes, and prepare her food, and prepare the entirety of her day for her!

But not this morning. Today, she could choose to do what she wanted, and there was so much she could do! The thought of having this much… freedom pleasantly shocked her. Although it also left a with a white canvas, her mind completely blank with where to start.

What do you do?

She turned left. The kitchen was a no-go. Nothing in there could make a delicious hash brown, nor anything in Mondstadt at all! 

Her eyes averted forwards, towards the dummies on the side, before she looked away again. Though the thought of holding a sword felt exhilarating, fighting in nothing but cotton white nightdress…

Barbara looked down, realising herself. Childe wouldn’t be happy with that.

There was a dull silence as she glazed over each and every room, and dismissing every option. That was until one wonderful idea came to fruition.

She began treading upstairs. Surprisingly, even with all these weapons around her, she no longer felt uncomfortable. Was it because of Childe, or perhaps she had grown used to it. Either way, to her it felt like inner strength.

With a smile, Barbara continued to walk. Soon she found herself on the familiar hallway, but her eyes were to rooms she hadn’t yet entered.

It was as though a psychological barrier was installed between Barbara’s room and the ones further along. The thoughts of the night before flushed her over the edge of worry, but curiosity won over, taking the reins. Quietly, she took a step forward, and then another, finally exploring more of the abode.

The first room was Childe’s, and motionlessly she stood there. The blue door was certainly a sight for the deaconess; decorated and painted almost childishly, with blemishes that stained the walls to the side of it, and… a smiley face off to the side? Barbara hadn't expected something like this at all; Childe — so meticulous and crafty — being so careless with paint, nor being so informally carefree.

The lingering curiosity ate away at her mind. There was so much about Childe she hadn’t learned yet.

During moments where Barbara was resting in her bedroom, or eating his food in the dining table, Childe was always training. There was no day where he wouldn't be honing onto his techniques, and even though it hadn’t even been two days, she had gotten used to it.

That was what pushed her curiosity, and the only entity blocking the answers was the door in front of her. What did he do when he wasn’t fighting, nor eating? Barbara simply yearned to know.

Almost nervously, she pushed on the handle, checking to see if it truly was open. It opened with ease.

…

Photographs weren’t the first thought to mind.

Barbara stared, mouth agape at all the photos that surrounded the room. Of course, Childe was in most of them, his grin far more livelier than usual. By his side, however, always stood others… similar with ginger hair, and similar faces…

Family?

During the times they ate together, Childe would ramble on and on about her brothers and sisters, and though she had come to realise of his devotion to them, she hadn’t imagined this much affection.

Was he… homesick too?

”Huh?” Barbara was at a loss for words, staring photo after photo, ornament after ornament.

Then, ever so slowly, the corner of her lips rose. She tried to force it down, and yet she couldn’t help it; how could she not smile? Everything was just so… heartwarming! Whether it be them frolicking in the snow of Schnetzaya, posing goofily within other regions, and was that Tonia wearing her Deaconess hat!? Barbara only beamed with happiness, feet dancing on the carpeted floor in her happiness.

Childe… loved his family. As did she, but perhaps in a way far greater than what she could empathise with. 

After a moment of glossing through each photo (and yes, dancing, more and more of it), she found herself drawn to a letter sitting idly on the table. Her curiosity won over her once more, as she approached the desk, hoping for an interesting sight. 

Two paragraphs stood there, incomplete with the ink still setting in.

I have come with updates on our mission, and I ask for you to retract my previous statements. Incredibly, her plans have succeeded, and there is now further information on Rex Lapis's whereabouts. He seems to have a human form. I have told many of our people to watch over for anything suspicious. 

It seems like I have underestimated Barbara once again, and your Highness was able to see her strength once more. There is still much that I must learn from and with her. I will be gone to retrieve more information. I will not fail you.

— XI

Barbara blushed at the comment, fighting another smile, though its mysteriousness captivated her mind far more. There was no mention of name, and yet it seemed obvious to her as to who it was addressed to.

'...Stari?'

Childe had never mentioned knowing them, and though she partly expected some shared knowledge, it was still so strange to see it herself. That voice… was far too annoying to be titled as ‘Your Highness’, Barbara’s first thought was.

Then she groaned to herself. Why had she been so afraid to talk? Truly, Stari were just… so interesting, with all their strength and importance.

Nervously, she peeked her head in the bin, hoping to find another letter, perhaps revealing more information about Stari and their purpose. Torn notes seemed to be the only paper filling it — was there a chance? Quietly, she rummaged through the mess, hoping to find something to read. Amidst the mess, however, she managed to find one note intact. With wide eyes, she began to read.

As the Rite of Desencion grows closer, our newest "Harbinger" and I have decided to start earlier. Please excuse my bluntness when I say this.

Barbara can be unbearable at times, too chaotic for my liking, fighting against my notions. I can not fathom why I must work with somebody so physically and mentally weak; forgive me, but VI or even VIII would be more relief than this. My patience wagers with her presence. A childish endeavour of a peaceful way out — it feels like an insult for me to work with a girl like her.

Although, if I may recount my experiences outside of our mission, she reminds me of a dear relative of mine, and I can not help but look out for her safety. Outside of work, their kindness to others is admirable, and I can not say that she hasn't grown on me.

Despite this, I truly see no point investing time with her. Perhaps she could have been a good acquaintance of mine, but never a Harbinger. Regardless, I will teach her to become strong, just as you asked me to, even if I see no use. She has been getting stronger already. I see the potential clear as moonlight.

Though she has a heart too pure for this world. Too pure to be involved in this mess. I fear what these tribulations will do to her.

— XI

As she read the second paragraph, Barbara's eyes were widened in shock, her heart already dropped to the lowest pit of her body.

When they had met the first time… was this what he really thought of her? Behind that smile on his face? She was unbearable to be with? Maybe — she hoped — his opinion has changed, but to think he harboured those thoughts not even two days ago! How much of Childe was the truth?

Does he still think that way?

...

...He was right to feel this way.

She knew how detestably weak she was as well. It was her weaknesses that had... gotten another person killed, after all. 

Hearing those words felt like a dagger to her heart. After every kind word he had spoken to her when they first met, and then to hear all those hurtful sentences come from his own pen… it formulated one gut-renching punch to her stomach. And the pain rolled through her body until she sunk to her knees. 

"Will I not get his full respect until I am stronger?" Barbara looked down at his hands, expecting the Pyro flames to flourish once more. Nothing came. "Would everyone be happier with my strength?"

A flashback brought her to Mondstadt. To the fateful day with Signora, to that day with her Pyro powers taking over on the fateful night...

...

...

All she desired was to put a smile on people's face. That could keep her going, even under the most disastrous days… and… if making Childe happy meant becoming more stronger…

Yes. The deaconess hardened, breaking and mending herself again.

Silently, she stood up, maintaining her balance, before walking outside of the room, placing the note back in the rubbish as though it hadn’t been touched.

Barbara was going to do it herself. Prove herself to Childe, and then continue to prove herself again, and again, and once more for good measure. That was all that lingered on Barbara's mind.

She was going to wait for Childe to return, and tell him to not worry. She will do it herself. She will change.

And she will never give up.

"I will get his Gnosis for you." Barbara whispered.

Chapter Text

A reasonable amount of time had passed until the door opened.

Warm air gushed into the dining room where Barbara was situated, though it didn’t faze her concentration. Instead, she kept her gaze in place, her complete focus on the candles in front of her.  Two were lit, with the other had smoke emanating from the wick. The burning scent had diffused its way through each room, albeit not enough to turn her field of view into an unsightly grey.

All the while, her hands were raised, palms facing the wax. It was uncomfortable, but it had to be done. Any onlooker would assume her to be frozen in place, if not for bulbs of Pyro energy occasionally leaving her burnt fingertips, caressing themselves on the unresponsive wicks. Barbara shuffled with anticipation with every bulb that left her hands, until the final candle was alight, finishing the trio. A warm smile graced her face, as she stared at her blooming success.

The letter was a wake-up call: Stari, with all her influence, couldn’t give Barbara the longing to use the Pyro flames, but Childe’s words managed to bring Barbara out of that complacency. The determination to change quickly followed; finally, she would allow herself to get stronger.

Despite how hurtful it was, a part of her wished to thank Childe for writing such hurtful words… he had helped her come to terms with her frailties, and gave her the motivation to finally act, instead of letting fear overwhelm her.

Now Barbara had finally done it, and she had never felt prouder of herself.

“Barbara? What are you doing?”

“I’m just… training.” The word itself sounded foreign. She had only picked up one sword in her lifetime, and she required no training when becoming an idol, or a healer. Those abilities had come naturally to her.

Yet things had to change — wielding two elements was wrong, completely unnatural in Teyvat.

“You’re using your powers?” Childe looked so puzzled, that it was almost amusing to be a witness of it.

“I’ve… come to terms with it,” Barbara whispered, eyes still on the candle set, now concentrating on extinguishing the flames now with the bursts of hydro powers.

Childe blinked, before walking up to her, placing a hand at her forehead. It managed to snap Barbara out of her concentration as she felt the leathered gloves on her head. Her eyes looked up to Childe, which maintained the bafflement on his face. Barbara had expected this reaction from him.

“Well. You’re not sick or anything.” Childe commented. “It’s good to start small, but it looks like you’ve already mastered the precision.”

“Hey, I’m not completely new to this!” Barbara pouted, moving the hand off of her head. “These powers aren’t as different to Hydro as I thought. Precision is the most important part of a healer, you know!”

Childe smiled, watching Barbara using her powers meticulously, before speaking again.

“I’ve asked some of my colleagues. They haven’t reported any suspicious behaviour from anybody.” He spoke slowly. “Though that is expected. I’m wondering if you have any plans of your own. Your last one worked... too well if you ask me.”

“Too well? What do you mean?”

“Have you looked outside?” Childe whispered, and Barbara shook her head. He continued. “Just watch your step. The performance is all they care about. Even the Millileth themselves.”

A wry smile came to her face at the fondness of the memories. This was what she had longed for. The idol hoped that she had helped Xinyan find an audience that finally appreciated her, or blessed Xiangling with more customers to her restaurant. And not to mention their other friends who she called up to the stage… they had all helped.

She looked aside before her previous words came to thought again. She wasn’t going to let the sudden influx of people hold her back. She still needed to prove herself to Childe. She was strong. A surge of confidence came once more, and she made sure that this feeling wouldn’t waver.

“Childe. Don’t worry.” Barbara spoke. For the first time, she sounded authoritative. “I’ll do this myself.”

“…Huh?”

“I can do this. Trust me.”

The same confused look came onto his face, and he looked at Barbara one last time, as if checking whether she was really okay or not. The idol only stared back, smiling.

“If you pull this of…” Childe didn’t finish his words, instead standing himself up more, and rubbing her hair affectionately. “Well, I’ll leave things to you, but feel free to ask me for anything, alright? Stay safe.”

Barbara was about to say her thank you’d before she was interrupted by her own stomach. Barbara blushed, before sheepishly looking at Childe.

“…Well, for starters, I’d like some breakfast, if you don’t mind… hehe.”

She opened the door, expecting the worst. It was so much worse than she thought.

The first four steps were not a problem for the idol, but the fifth was when the first person noticed. Like a hurricane. a flock of people had assembled around her, reaching out for her attention, holding her for some touch. Barbara squeaked, darting her eyes around in the shock of it all, but it was for no use. She was surrounded.

Had she really lost so soon? After everything she can said? For the third time? She couldn’t help but call out for names.

"Jean! C-Childe!" Barbara tried to shout out instinctively, yet nothing happened. Her voice had been lost in the crowd.

"Barbara! Sing for me!"

"Can you perform for my husband and I?"

"Are we bothering you?"

"Will you be performing for Ganyu and Keqing's wedding?"

"Yes! I-- I mean no! Please give me some space~." Barbara attempted once more, but they only seemed to get closer. It was uncomfortable. It was terrifying.

The last thing she wanted was a crowd, because, if her powers decided to strike now, then...

Barbara didn't want to even imagine it.

Out of desperation, she shut her eyes, cupping her ears and crawled onto a ball. The girl could feel herself shrinking, becoming the smallest entity possible from getting too overwhelmed. Once the idol had tricked herself into believing she was the only one in the crowd, she began to hum a tune. It was off-key, and the inflections in her voice rolled with the growing and falling uncertainty. Yet she needed an escape. Any escape from this audience. 

The last time this had happened in Mondstadt, Jean was there to swoop her out. That day, she had discredited all her fans. They were yelling, and the people who argued at the yelling got louder instead, and nobody was there to push them off of her, and nobody came to ask if she was okay…!

Yunjin could do this so easily. Childe could do this so easily. So why couldn't she?

10 seconds

20 seconds

30 seconds

No... she wasn't going to lose her hope now.

Barbara made a promise to herself that she wasn't going to let this dreaded feeling overwhelm her, and she wasn't going to break this promise. The words that Barbara yearned to say formed to the forefront her head: 'Leave me alone' were on the tip of her tongue, ready to escape her tongue.

She was always so afraid of saying it in Mondstadt, where the desire to keep everybody happy overruled any feelings that she harboured. But not today — she wasn't going to live with that any longer.

"Leave me al-"

The moment Barbara opened her eyes, she noticed that the crowd had already dissipated. 

More specifically, they were peeking through corners, the others having taken multiple steps back. They were staring at her, though it seemed like there were eyes on another person. Someone much closer, and someone that truly emanated power. 

Finally, Barbara noticed who it was, and considering they stood directly in front of her, it was almost embarrassing.

"Lady N-Ningguang!"

The first time they had met, she was regally dressed, wearing a golden white dress that echoed its authority. However, to be reacquainted with a casual blue dress, cyan flowers embroiled on the sides, was a sight she did not expect — a sight that nobody seemed to expect.

Barbara always seemed to find that everybody wore the same clothing. As such, the sight of a person wearing something completely brand new managed to catch her off guard.

"I'd like you to come to the Golden House with me." Ningguang spoke directly, and boldly. 

Barbara hoped that her face wasn't a crimson red as she spoke. But with the lady towering over with authoritative fashion, how could she not? “O-Oh?"

"It will not be longer than ten minutes, though I am certain that time will prove beneficial to you. Especially now."

She looked over to the side, where the men and women who peeked to the side of walls quickly hid out of view. And Barbara couldn't blame them for doing so – Ningguang's stance and attitude made her seem like a goddess. Maybe even... an archon.

Wait.

"Y-Yes! My lady." 

Barbara promptly curtsied with her Liyue dress which elicited a look of confusion from the taller girl. The blush on her face grow even redder, though she much preferred this scenario than aimlessly wandering with a crowd following her every step. She was… already getting somewhere.

"Can I bring my friend-"

"Just us two will be fine. I won't cause you any trouble, I assure you."

Her tone had suddenly turned sharp, and the hairs on the idol’s back rose at the fleeting nature of her voice. Even the crowd seemed to be moved, one even gasping at the prospect, though whether it was at the fact she talked back, or Ningguang’s scathing words she did not know. 

…

'Ningguang would know more than anyone else about Rex Lapis." Barbara thought to herself.

And maybe... she was the archon

"O-Okay."

The moment the offer was procured, Barbara was already lured in: the opportunity could prove to be the most important to find their identity was one she couldn’t refuse . Knowledge and wisdom like her was rough, and absolutely necessary. She needed them.

Gasps from the audience rose one more, whispers soon following, Barbara feigned well to not pay any mind to the chatter, instead finding herself returning to that mindset — the one that was going to solve this situation. The one that wanted to become stronger.

From the corner of her eye, Barbara turned to look to Ningguang, to see how she saw this situation. Whether she knew more than she let on.

And she noticed Ningguang's smile losing its authenticity.

Chapter Text

Whilst Liyue Harbour stood richly on its own against the mountainous peaks, the Jade Chamber levitated in the skies, dominating the midst of clouds. Both shined in a blazing gold, eye catching to any visitor…

It was common knowledge that the chamber was the pride of Liyue; so prideful, in fact, that only a few eyes had ever bore witness to it in person. As such, with Barbara’s introduction to the place, she couldn't help but stare in awe.

To say Barbara was infatuated was an understatement — she had always appreciated works of art, regardless of where it came from, so to be able to see the fabled Jade Chamber? Of course, any person wouldn’t dare ignore the layers of this… kingdom!

Sadly, an exaggerated cough had to cut her attentiveness short…

"The front door is this way." Even with such a serious manner, her undertones of a gentle tease was subtlety obvious.

Barbara quickly turned to face Ningguang, standing beside her three renowned assistants. As mentioned, all wore red velvet clothing, a considerable contrast to Ningguang’s radiant blue.

"O-Oh! I'm sorry." Barbara quickly spoke. "I can't help it."

She approached the four of them, greeting with a shake of hand and a smile. Taking care of such an amazing work of art deserved such praise too! Of course, they didn’t disappoint with their etiquette, all three warmly welcoming her back. Barbara felt her heart levitate — she couldn’t wait to tell Noelle all about it!

But time was such a fickle mess… once satisfied, turned to face Ningguang, and watched as she waved the three off.

“Let me give you a tour. It’s rare to invite people.” Ningguang spoke just as kindly, as Barbara nodded silently. “Baishim, Baiwen, Baixiao. Don’t come inside. If Ganyu comes… tell her only to enter if it’s urgent.”

And so, as she watched as the doors opened, revealing the interiors of the house, they shared a glance with one another; one full of confidence, the other full of wisdom and knowledge. With her help, she could find that Gnosis, and she will not waste her time here.

The idol nodded curtly, before they both headed down the golden doors, into a palace full of fulfilled dreams.

"It has taken me years to build all this wealth. I'm sure it would catch your eyes." Ningguang spoke offhandedly, allowing Barbara to gaze at the luxury of it all.

Room after room was bombarded with golden objects, antiques so luxurious, that she felt uncomfortable to even be in its presence! The Favonious Headquarters seemed like a joke to how grandiose this building was!

"It's so beautiful." Barbara whispered, which elicited a smile from the taller woman. "We're you always living this... royally?"

"Oh, definitely not!" Ningguang spoke as if the question was comical. "I've come very far from where I have started."

"Well, your journey to this point is very...admirable." 

Silently, they continued to walk. Rooms continued to become more and more lavish, until it reached its magnum opus. While she had already been introduced to the massive hexagonal room when she had first entered the Chamber, the hidden gem really sat underneath it. And as she followed Ningguang down the spiral stairs, a gasp finally escaped her mouth at the sheer magnificence of it all. It was so simple, and yet, it enamoured her deeply.

"Over here."

She didn't realise that she had been standing still until Ningguang had called the second time. With absolute difficulty, Barbara turned to face the woman, now definitely smiling. With a blush of embarrassment, she hurried across to where she stood, apologies already in her mouth. She was upset that she couldn't explore this place any further, because how could she not let her eyes float? Compared to her performance earlier, the decor was like a festival in heaven! 

"Take a seat Barbara." Ningguang spoke, right once Barbara stood in front of her. She quickly followed her orders, although she still stared around; Barbara took notice of the many things around this room, more specifically the bulletin board to the side.

"I see you've noticed my wall. No worries, I haven't documented you or your friend."

"It looks like you've spent a long time making it." Barbara asked. "Wait... documented!?”

"Ah, you're quite new to Liyue I assume?" Ningguang saw Barbara's nod before speaking once more. "Do not worry about the wall. This conversation will be about a topic far more serious."

Ningguang stared at Barbara momentarily, almost surveying her with a look of intrigue. In almost an instant, the atmosphere felt more… jarring, a feeling far too familiar to when Childe had spoken to her. Barbara could only sit in place, frozen out of both fear and respect. And all the while, Ningguang managed to keep that intimidating glare, holding that pipe in her hands.

“Allow me to cut to the chase.” Ningguang spoke again. There was no harshness in her tone, and still it worried her. Even as she sat directly across from her, it felt as though Ningguang was towering over her body.

“I am well aware of your friend sneaking into the Qixing building and taking two confidential letters meant to the Yuheng’s eyes.”

Although Barbara bit back a gasp of surprise, her face still painted her shock, eyes widening and face paling. How? She was sure that the crowd, most definitely all the Qixing, were absolutely enamoured by her spectacle, so how could Ningguang have possibly known? She had kept her eyes on Barbara the entire performance — she was absolutely certain of it!

That wasn’t the only problem though. Of course she had expected the Tianquan to be worried if those letters were reported missing, but how could she have known it was Childe! Barbara squirmed; she sure hoped he wouldn’t get in trouble…

“I have my own methods, but it does not matter. In the end, I am completely certain of it.” Ningguang didn’t retract her commanding voice, only becoming more confident at seeing the uncertainty on Barbara’s face. “Though it would seem necessary to arrest you, and order for your exile, I have come to realise of your nature. You are far too kind to harm Liyue even knowing of this information.”

“O-Oh?”

“I too would like to know of Rex Lapis’s whereabouts. While I hold more information than all of Liyue, I too am clueless as to their identity. This is why I am willing to give you a compromise.”

A part of Barbara was already expecting those words, but she kept quiet.

“I have worked as a lone wolf ever since my suspicions were proved. So I ask for your aid to uncover the truth, for your freedom of these charges.”

They stared at one another, and a wordless agreement was spread across Barbara’s face. Just like the previous deal she had made, it was one she couldn’t refuse. Ningguang had the upper hand in every imaginable way, and she would have to follow her clauses… or everything will fall apart.

She nodded.

“Wonderful. You can tell your friend, but nobody else. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do.”

"Alright.” Ningguang stood up, already taking a few steps away from her. “If you need any help, talk to one of my three assistants… or me."

Yet Barbara continued to sit, continuing to stare forwards with a unreadable expression. By that time, Ningguang had already walked out of her field of view, seemingly not sparing any more words for the idol. Although a few vulnerable seconds passed until an audible sigh echoed from behind her — the idol could then hear the sound of footsteps ascending up a stairway.

”Hey.” 

And in that moment, Ningguang sounded its most vulnerable. It was so… alienated from her previous words, and Barbara couldn’t help but turn to face them. The flick of hair was noticeable as the idol faced her back.

“You… You are a kind girl. It saddens me to see you in a situation like this.”

Those words echoed across the room, quieting until the idol’s own agitated feet filled the remaining silence with its tapping. Barbara was clenching on her dress, gripping and ungripping, until the door upstairs had seemingly closed as well. Now she was truly alone.

…

…

She smiled

She wasn’t upset. She wasn’t scared.

No… she felt thrilled!

Shakily, Barbara stood up. There was no indignation in her heart, even as Ningguang spoke in that punctuated voice. In fact, she was apt to believe her trembling was from the mere excitement of the proposition! The gravity of her situation was a miraculous one, and the giddiest smile in days adorned her face. 

Ohhh how lucky must she be to work with Ningguang! To have an ally such as her would be the perfect to reveal the identity of Morax~!

To have somebody so intelligent too! The way she spoke… the way she did everything ever! In her life, Barbara looked up to many people, but Ningguang was in an echelon just as amazing as Jean! It was perfect!

As the circumstances cemented, her mind quickly became overwhelmed with delirium. She could already imagine how it would all play out with her guidance: Peacefully retrieving the Gnosis from the archon; dangling it in her hands in front of Childe's face with the goofiest smile on her face; and then seeing his face of shock... and pride. 

Now Barbara was going to get it. She will get it!

A tune was playing in her head. This hasn’t happened to her in so long. As it developed into a wonderful orchestra, Barbara could feel her body moving in its own accord, tap-dancing to the imaginary song. Everything was perfect, so perfect in fact, that it could burst into one lovely song!

Blue heavens adorning my lovely nightdress

“Um… W-What are you doing.”

"Eeep!" 

Barbara squeaked, and she instinctively jumped away to face whoever it was.

And there, in all her glory, stood the very girl that indirectly helped her. A very familiar girl in fact: the one she had pointed out during her performance, alongside the Yuheng; the one who had helped her make the decision to do the performance in the first place. 

"It's Ganyu." She spoke, almost embarrassed. "I overheard some of your discussion, and I want to help.”

Chapter Text

“Baixiao told me that I could come in. Then I heard Ningguang speaking, so I hid in a corner. I didn’t hear much… I-I promise!”

By then, Barbara had already seated down, watching as Ganyu paced on her own accord. From the concentrated expression on her face, the revelation troubled her too — however, her reaction was an emotion far stronger than what she had expected…

When Xinyan had first toured about Liyue, she had treaded lightly about the Qixing. One thing was clear, however: Ganyu, the secretary, wasn’t completely human. That may have meant many things to Barbara beforehand, but it certainly pointed to one thing now.

She was a unique asset. A very useful one at that.

She imagined herself as Jean… or perhaps Childe? Watching with intent eyes. To learn from the strongest would be the way to prosperity… so this was her best chance to practice.

“Excuse me.” Barbara attempted her most serious tone, a combination of both Ningguang and Childe. “I’d like to know why this interests you so much.”

“Oh? You do not know of my heritage?” Ganyu queried, before continuing with a heaved sigh. She didn’t even flinch.

“I’m not just a secretary for the Qixing. Long ago, I signed a contract from Rex Lapis to guard Liyue from against impending threats, alongside many others. We’re referred to as adepti, and we’ve carried out this role for centuries.”

“So you’d like to know his human form for personal reasons then?” Barbara asked, maintaining that direct voice. Was this how Ningguang spoke? Was her tone sharp enough?

It didn’t seem to be the case, because the opposite effect had prevailed. The rose flaming Ganyu’s cheeks was not one of fear; it was one of embarrassment! “I, um, wouldn’t describe it like that… but yes. We haven’t, um, had a simple conversation in a long time…! haha.” Her eyes averted.

Though the shame was clear to her evasive eyes, Barbara could also read the familiar warmth in these bashful smile. It was how Klee would react when Alice was mentioned. How Diona would react when Diluc visited the Angel’s Share…

…

…

This was her plan. This was fated to occur

The Tianquan had specifically allowed Ganyu in; as if she planned for Ganyu to overhear their talk; as if she planned for this teamwork between the both of them; as if she wanted her to utilise this situation to the fullest.

For a moment, Barbara marvelled at that revelation. Ningguang was so wise, so calculating with entrusting Ganyu in Barbara’s hands. It must've been her strategy of finding Rex Lapis's identity... 

So she absolutely needed to seize this moment for Ningguang, and for Liyue.

With that, a thought immediately struck to mind.

With a hesitant shift of her seat, Barbara slowly turned towards Ganyu's soft, colourful eyes. They were like what hers once were, innocent of knowledge. It physically hurt to stare at such unbirdled joy on her face, so she quickly turned to face the painting beside them. The serpent-like designs didn’t help the pit in her heart.

There was too much that Barbara was already hiding from her — too much to contain with a straight face...

...but with that unsettling feeling came a shameful surge of confidence.

Ganyu was on her side, and so unbearably trusting. She was also the closest person to Rex Lapis that Barbara had met. Perhaps she could... use her to get to the archon. Barbara could even make her summon the archon. The plan seemed so simple and so perfect, yet it brought such an abysmal feeling to heart. 

...

She truly never wished to do something like this. To use Ganyu — anyone — as nothing more than a stepping stool was near a detestable thought…! but she couldn't stay the same person that skipped around the Mondstadt cathedral, carefree and joyous.

She needed to change into a bolder person... just for today. She had to take charge for once… just for today

Making her mind up, she took a shaky intake of breath. An overwhelming surge of guilt and remorse came as she stared back into those irises of hers. Barbara narrowed hers instead, hoping to veil her uncertainty.

And in the back of her mind, Barbara assured herself that she would never speak like this ever again. She opened her mouth.

"Then why don't you just summon him."

"Huh?" The words struck visibly Ganyu off guard, a response that Barbara expected. 

Her heart broke. This was exactly the same predicament when Childe discussed with her. She was becoming the same heartless person. 

"Well, I've never done such a thing!" Ganyu spoke defensively. Nobody had ever spoken to her in that tone. It was shattering her.

“You could always talk about your new relationship with Keqing… everyone is interested, probably him too.”

That seemed to make her blush even worse. “No! Rex Lapis can be as bad as Cloud Retainer at times! “

The idol wouldn’t falter yet. With her trepidation growing, she desperately thought of her Mondstadt fans, and the words they would say to convince her to do such things. "…But I did help you and Keqing get t-together in the festival. D-Do I not... d-deserve something? A reward?"

And while she didn't truly mean any of those words, Barbara forced herself to say them through her disgusting mouth. She absolutely had to uncover the archon in time, even though it meant saying things so selfish and unlike her. 

Even Ganyu seemed to look hurt at her words, and Barbara quickly shifted her gaze back towards the wallpaper. She was close to throwing up in her own disgust. She truly despised the words she was saying.

"I really do not want to bother Rex Lapis for a reason such as this." Ganyu spoke slowly at first, before picking her pace up once she saw Barbara hang her head low and sigh. "T-Though I do know somebody! Somebody... who can help summon him."

Barbara stood up. She desperately needed an escape from this coercion.

“Who?”

“A-Another adeptus… um-- and more powerful one. We will need to travel some distance to find them, but they… could help us.”

The idol blinked, assessing the situation. Had Ningguang strategised this too? Perhaps not, but there was no better way that this. No other way that you could satisfy the both of them. This was her plan to find him, and she wasn’t going to turn back. She wouldn't run.

“Where do we need to go.”

…

 “The Wangshuu Inn.”

Chapter Text

Barbara couldn’t quite recall the planes and paths as she walked. Even with the countless hours that passed during that endless journey with Stari, the trees and shrubs had been nothing more than a singular, golden blur at the time. Noticing the details now however felt so strange — a blend of peaceful serenity, with a disjunctive familiarity. 

It’s difficult not to stare, which is why Barbara lets her eyes roam with every step. Waiting. Searching. Analysing. 

The scenery is breathtaking, but her mind is far too intricate and destructive to think of it now. There was no mountains to gawk over, nor were there flowers to gather — all she wanted was to recognise one thing… anything at all from that day. 

It brought a wave of shame and disgust every time she was reminded of it; but the thought of moving on from it was far, far worse. Barbara was alright with hating herself for an eternity, but if it meant forgetting what she had done? Barbara didn’t think she could hate her Delusion any further.

“Is something on your mind Barbara?”

Her purple orbs shined as she turned to face her. Barbara hadn’t realise the pause onto Ganyu’s step until she nearly crashed onto her.

“I-I’m fine.” Barbara lied, regaining her footing. “Just enjoying… this.”

Despite her inner turmoil, she found herself forced to pay attention to her surroundings. It was impossible to deny how lovely the sight was. Whilst it was certainly a contrast to the smooth and lilting hills on Mondstadt, she was certain that Klee or even Eula would have enjoyed trekking and exploring the surrounding areas…

“Ah, of course, you come from Mondstadt correct?”

“Mmhm, we don’t have mountains as tall as these.”

“I see… I haven’t visited Mondstadt in a long time.” spoke Ganyu, with a gaze aside that read centuries into the past. “Morax and the rest of us adepti visited once when Barbatos called for a feast and--“

Barbara's eyes and ears instantly perked with the name. “Barbatos!? Did you meet him?”

Ganyu visibly jerked at the sudden reaction, before calming to a smile. Barbara’s eyes must have been a startling change to her once serious demeanour, because she nodded and spoke slowly, as if choosing her words correctly.

“He was… very… friendly?” Ganyu stared at Barbara’s nodding face. “He… really showed us what Mondstadt wine tasted like…?”

And all Barbara could do was grin as she heard Ganyu’s tales of the archon. This was the very first person to know of Barbatos, and from what she narrated, it seemed like he was just as amazing as she thought!

Such daring and heroic tales made her heart swell in pride! Barbatos was here for Mondstadt , no matter what Stari ever says...

…

…

“You remind me of myself.” Ganyu said after a while, her voice hoarse, but still weakly smiling.

“Oh?”

“The other adepti say that I talk about Rex Lapis the same way.” Ganyu continued, embarrassed.

Barbara paused, looking up at Ganyu, who was already sheepishly turned away. With all that she had done for her already, Barbara should have realised how desperately Ganyu also wanted to see him.

After all, if Barbatos was revealed to have a form, then Barbara would have been just as passionate to find him…

…just as kind, and eager, and horrifically naïve.

Barbara shook those thoughts away, quickly looking for another conversation to latch onto. Thankfully though, a tall building showed itself from the background. One that Ganyu had described to her with vivid detail

“There it is!” With forced enthusiasm, Barbara pointed towards it.

“Oh?” Ganyu turned around, and visibly nodded. “Right, it’s there. He should be at the very top, so there is still a bit more journeying to do.”

“Then let’s go. Let’s find his human form for sure~!” Barbara cheered on.

“Mmhm!” Hearing Ganyu’s enthusiastic tone felt gut-reaching, but she forced a smile nevertheless, and turned back towards the building.

This time, they both walked side-to-side, hoping to uncover Rex Lapis’s identity for two different reasons. 

Barbara wasn’t going to fail this, for the both of them.

They silently climbed to the very top, and Barbara soon came to understand of what the building truly was. Though she had in mind a pub similar to the Angel’s Share in Mondstadt, finding something so grandiose and… puzzling to look at, was certainly her last idea.

Casting those thoughts aside however, she kept her eyes on Ganyu. She was familiar place, and the way she moved around only proved a testament of it.

Soon, after the many stairs taken, they had finally reached the very top. Barbara quickly lunged towards a nearby sofa and greedily rested her body on it, engulfing in its comfort.

“That’s strange. This wasn’t here the last time I visited.” Ganyu’s eyes looked towards the sofa, and Barbara’s twin-tails that drooped over the edge.

“Ah, that was Lady Ningguang’s doing. She ordered one here only a few hours before you came.” A voice came from inside the building. Both reacted in different ways.

Ningguang must have predicted this. It seemed like she was still ten steps ahead the both of them…

…

She didn’t care.

“Mmh! This is so comfy~!” Barbara could feel all her energy coming back. The pillows were too soft for any touch.

Ganyu soon entered her field of view, sitting down on the floor beside the sofa. The idol quickly retracted her legs, offering a spare spot on the sofa for her to sit on, but the adeptus declined with a shake of her head, a smile on her face.

“Take all the comfort you want. It was a long walk, especially for a human like you.”

Barbara hummed in response. Just a few more minutes here, and she’ll ask Ganyu to summon the other adeptus. It was still the afternoon after all… it wasn’t worth talking to them whilst being so exhausted.

…

“You aren’t like her at all.”

“Hm?”

“Your sister, Jean.”

Her heart twinged and the name, and she forced a smile on her face. Suddenly the comforts grew sour, and an familiar feeling of selfishness sprouted from within .

“Wh-What do you mean?”

“She was… reserved, and far more formal than you are.” Ganyu continued on, not seeing the look on her face. “I’ve been surrounded by so many expressionless faces. It nice to talk with a carefree person… as you are.”

“She’s not—“ Her raise in tone caused Ganyu to turn her head swiftly. Barbara calmed herself. “She’s… She isn’t so serious on the inside. With so much pressure, she was forced to be that way…”

It hurt to think about Jean, especially after her actions, and her sudden disappearance especially. Suppressing any thoughts of her was difficult beyond words; just the mention never failed to dampen her heart.

Barbara knew that her departure from Mondstadt was affecting her. Yet, despite the jarring thought of increasing her workload, Barbara wanted Jean to see her strength too.

“I want to be like her one day.”

…

…

“Well… um. I wish I were different.” Ganyu spoke only after a few minute had passed.

Barbara felt confused at her words, and coupled with the desire to turn the topic astray, she immediately latched onto those words. “What do you mean?”

Ganyu turned again, smiling bitterly. For a moment, it looked like she was conflicting over whether to speak. It was a short lived battle, however, for her smile only grew more bitter, and her trembling mouth opened.

“I have told you that I am half-qilin… but my other half… I am  half-mortal.” Ganyu stood silently, as if expecting Barbara to do something. When she didn’t say a word however, Ganyu continued. “No matter what I do, I can’t help but feel… left out. The only way this conflict could be solved would be if I conform to one or the other, but I don’t want to. I want to be myself.”

Barbara kept her stare at Ganyu, trying to understand the person in front of her.

“What makes you feel left out?” Barbara asked. “I… At times, I feel like all my Mondstadt friends leave me out for their own adventures too, but I guess my experience is different to yours.”

“That’s similar… that’s how I’ve felt too… for so long.” Ganyu’s eyes began to shimmer. “I can’t take part in these mortal events. The other adepti I know are different because they aren’t human… but I am. And if I could never be accepted amongst them, then where do I go?”

…

“Well, my friend told me how difficult it is to talk to adepti, so maybe it’s to do with that?”

“But I am human too! I want to be able to talk with them… but I can’t. They won’t accept me.” 

It was though she formed that reality centuries ago. Her cry sounded rehearsed, and with her eyes directly onto hers, she was almost begging for reassurance, or closure.

…

…

“But they have accepted you, haven’t they?”

Barbara saw Ganyu look up, too shocked to retort back. “Did you hear how happy the crowd were for you at the time? Did you hear how cheerful the other Qixing members were for you? Did you see all the praising that happened as we walked up here?” Barbara questioned. “Maybe they don’t see you as another human, but they still celebrated for you! So what makes you think they haven’t accepted you already?”

…

“Ganyu… you will never be accepted as a human, but it’s still more than that. You’ve been accepted as a citizen of Liyue, and a friend to so many mortals… a future wife for Keqing.” Barbara added in, noting the blush on her face. “Liyue will always want your company no matter what, so what does it truly mean to not fit in?”

…

…

For a moment, it was only silence and nothing more. A part of her wondered if the right words were said, but a gust of wind quickly followed, and she felt a dark presence from her side.

“How amusing. It seems like a mortal had left you speechless.”

Barbara quickly stood herself up from the sofa her eyes up, catching onto the raspy voice that had spoken. Ganyu stayed motionless, still completely lost in thought.

“Ganyu? Who is th-“

Barbara turned her face, only to be greeted with the most destructive black hues she had ever seen. So much karmic evil was present that the words were an understatement to the raw hatred. Evil that her eyes couldn’t comprehend. Evil that completely sickened her head

The idol was only stood up for a moment, but her eyes soon rolled up to the top of her head, and she fainted onto the floor, engulfing in that aura.

Chapter Text

Barbara woke to the sound of two people chattering, and the odd feeling that she might just faint again.

Her eyes groggily opened, her first mistake, as she looked at Ganyu’s irises, soulful and gentle. A weak smile drawed upon Barbara lips at her presence, until her eyes faltered only a inch.  The other adepti was beside her, and withholding that same domineering gaze. 

From the fleeting glimpse she had received, he was no taller than she was, with dark green hair that met his shoulders, and colourful marks decorating his arms. There was nothing to fear, and yet the aura that oozed from his body sent waves of tremor down her body. His eyes were just as horrifying as Zhongli's own.

With a quick stumble in her movement, she sat herself up to bear her surroundings, a hand over her mouth to delay the inevitable from happening. She could already feel the contents of her stomach rising up her throat... forcing its way through her body.

Not yet. She also needed to find an escape; she absolutely couldn’t let herself be seen like this… so sickly and helpless and weak—

...Although there was no time for anything, other than to desperately push Ganyu away from her sight, and ungraciously throw up on the floor.

Shame. Embarrassment. She could feel her skin turning crimson red from how ashamed it was. Despite it all however, Ganyu wove immediately with concern, placing an awkward hand on Barbara's back. The call for aid was drowned out from the idol’s own humiliation, and she remained silent as they remedied her problems.

Ganyu apologised for her, and all  Barbara could do was blink her tears away. All Barbara could do was watch the scene with her blurred vision…

"Are you alright now?"

As Ganyu continued her motions, she felt another wave of sickness overwhelm her. Undoubtedly, it was Xiao’s presence, and she didn't need to be told to look away — if his eyes caused this much damage... how much worse could it get?

"The aura..." Barbara managed to choke out

Barbara caught Ganyu sharing a steely glance at the other adeptus.  Their aura was truly powerful, and her mind and body couldn't dare handle the protruding, disgusting darkness…

Instinctively, her eyes shut, and her hands placed over them for good measure; her mind was already so weary in pain, but being oblivious to it made everything far more bearable.

"Um… now are you alright?" Ganyu repeated. Barbara managed a nod. "Maybe you would do better with a blindfold..."

"Y-Yes." Barbara nodded again. Her body trembled.

The messy sound of ripped fabric could be heard, and then the silk-like material wrapping neatly over her face. She had become a liability for the second time; the shame couldn’t get any worse.

"Is this alright?" Ganyu commented after she secured the brace behind her head.

"I'm alright... I'm alright."

She lied. It was wrapped too tightly, and Barbara hated the overwhelming darkness. However, the act of receiving Ganyu’s aid yet again was beyond words.

What type of deaconess was she?

In her reprieve, she attempted to stand. Ganyu’s hands were quicker though, forcing her back onto the warm sofa, her objections ignored for her persistence.

"H-Hey! Not so fast-" Ganyu spoke sternly, before stopping herself. The expression on Barbara’s face was likely the greatest hint. "Um, Xiao... maybe you should move a bit further away." 

There was a halting silence, before the feeling of their aura slowly dismissed, eliciting a sign of relief. Thank Barbatos that Ganyu understood her... 

“That’s right. You can read auras, correct? It must have be very… unpleasant for you.”

‘Unpleasant’ was a lovely understatement to how she really felt, but Barbara managed to find her ease.

She at least understood why such an aura as his existed. Ganyu had told her as they walked. It hadn't been the actions from horrible sins from his past. He was protecting his nation — just as any protector would do… 

Barbatos could forgive him for that.

“Now, you were telling me something Ganyu.” Xiao spoke for the second time. His voice correlated with the one raspy voice she had heard earlier.

“Yes, I’ve decided to help Barbara find his identity.”

“And why is this person involved in your quest?”

“Ningguang asked me directly. She must’ve really liked my performance yesterday!”

Barbara forced her naturally cheery expression, lilting her voice with a giggle. She was proud of that lie — Barbara had rehearsed it carefully as they walked, careful to keep it consistent, hoping that it wouldn’t be questioned. Unsurprisingly, Ganyu’s reception was a warm chuckle; but Xiao stayed silent.

“And she didn’t ask your friend?” Xiao stated instantly, leaving Barbara completely floored. “You two performed together, but I don’t see her anywhere.”

“W-Well, she… she had to decline! Ever since the performance, so many people want to see her perform.”

Although, before Xiao could respond, Ganyu suddenly yelped. “Wait, how do you know about two people? Did you watch the performance!?”

Xiao’s draw of breath could be heard, even from how far away he was. His verbal assault was halted, and he wasn’t a fan of that. “If you must know, I was present for the performance. Most adepti came to watch. It… exceeded all of our expectations.”

“Oh no… was Cloud Retainer there as well…?”

There was a wordless conversation it seemed, as Ganyu suddenly groaned loudly in displeasure. The sound of a whine quickly came thereafter, and what she discerned to be a loud facepalm with both hands.

“Ohhh… I’m not going to hear the end of this from them, am I?” Ganyu moaned.

“I’ve never heard her so chatty before.” Xiao admitted.

Barbara could feel the sofa she was sitting on beginning with Ganyu’s apparent squirming, as Xiao retold the tale. It turned out that the adepti yearned for the Qixing festival as much as Barbara had! The idol didn’t know whether to be ecstatic to have  performed for such higher beings, or terrified that one of them had noticed the deceptive plan. That would explain many things…

That wasn’t what was completely on her mind though. With sharp ears, she listened at the interaction between the both of them wondrously. For people who had lived thousands of years, they talked like regular humans. They talked like how she and Jean would talk to one another… or perhaps Klee and Albedo. It was charming to her nevertheless.

“Well, maybe I can convince Rex Lapis to make the others stop.” Ganyu groaned once again. “Mmh…! But what if he teases me too… do you think he’d do that?”

“I still do not understand why you trust Lady Ningguang’s words so much, and why you trust this Barbara person either.” Xiao responded scathingly. “Can you not tell that she’s hiding something from you?”

Barbara’s lips were completely pursed.

“No.” Ganyu seemed to defend her. Barbara didn’t know whether to be thankful of their aid, or disgusted with herself. “Lady Ningguang is always right in her judgement. And from what I managed to hear, she has complete faith in her. So I do too…”

Xiao stayed silent once again, and Barbara prayed that he would finally concede, and help.

Truthfully, Barbara couldn’t harbour any dislike for Xiao and his untrusting nature. After all, his judgment was completely correct. She wasn’t meeting the archon for Ningguang’s sake, nor for a reason that Ganyu could possibly understand.

There was still a lot Barbara didn’t understand herself either. It was only a few days ago when she had thrusted herself into this role, with so many unanswered questions that she refused to think about. Most drastically, the important of a Gnosis for an archon, and what Stari had planned with it. Right now, she was placing blind faith on that voice… and Childe…

…but now, as she let herself think like Ningguang more and more, the worry in her heart grew. What had she accepted to do? What was she really doing?

Could Zhongli… be right?

…

…

No. Barbara shook her head, hoping to also shake those thoughts away from her mind. There was a time and a place to think about this, and now was the worst time. She had to uncover his identity for Ningguang, and then she’d have all the time to talk to Childe about his motives. And… their motives may not be so bad after all…

She turned her face up to look towards Xiao’s direction… at least, that’s where she’s thought he was standing. Both Ganyu and her awaited for his answer.

…

“Fine.” Xiao’s tone spoke so reluctantly, before it surprisingly turned into one of embarrassment. “I’d like to have a discussion with Rex Lapis anyway…”

Barbara bit back a gasp at his words. Quickly, a smile formed on her face. She knew this excuse… she’d say the same thing when wanting to talk to Jean, years ago.

“So what do you think we should do? We need a reason to summon him after all.” Ganyu voiced her thoughts.

“Hm? Do you need a reason?” Barbara questioned.

“Of course. We can not summon him just to ask one question.” Xiao responded in an instant. “Though, Ganyu, maybe you can talk about your new relationship with the Yuheng.”

Another groan could be heard from her side.

“First Ningguang, then Barbara, and now you too!?” Ganyu cried out. From the tone in her voice, there was definitely a blush on her face. “Why does everybody suggest this as a conversation with him?”

“Well, you talk about her excessively in our adepti training, and about wanting to see-“

Warm hands were wrapped around her ears. “Aah! N-Not in front of Barbara!”

Xiao sighed heavily  “So what do you suggest?”

The pressure against her head receded as Ganyu let go. “T-Then how about… we talk about… financial problems?”

“The Rite is in a few days time. He will tell everyone about the problems then.” Xiao commented, throwing that suggestion away.

“Then maybe we could wait until then to talk to him directly.”

“N-No! Ningguang told me that I must find his identity before the Rite.” Barbara jumped in with another lie. A part of her felt that she was getting better at it. “Because… Ningguang will know in advance what questions to ask then.”

“Oh… I didn’t hear that part of the conversation.” Ganyu commented. “But I suppose we need a reason to summon him earlier then.”

Both Xiao and Ganyu continued to throw ideas at one another, each to no avail, as Barbara stared blankly at the black void of her blindfold. The idol could feel her hope quivering away with every negation each other made; reaching this part was easier than she imagined, though it was like a brick wall past this point.

“Well Barbara, what do you think?”

Xiao probably noticed her absence from talking, and it could another repeat of her name to grab the idol’s full attention.

“H-Huh? Think of what?”

“Well, maybe an outsiders perspective could help.” Ganyu joined Xiao in his questioning. “How do you think we should summon Rex Lapis?”

…

…

Barbara thought longingly about what Rex Lapis may want himself. She didn’t know anything about him, though she imagined a conserved, but kind person. Somebody like Jean came to mind, possibly Zhongli as well…

“Hmm…” Barbara thought intensely for a moment. Ganyu had told the idol that she read herself in her, and Zhongli reminded her of Jean… so…?

“Maybe you should have a picnic with him?”

“Excuse me!?”

“A… picnic!?”

Barbara nearly jumped out of her seat from the sudden outrage of their voices. Neither of them had shouted to her at all, and experiencing both of their yelling… towards her…  brought her to a quivering mess. They both sounded so… offended?

“A-Ah! Did I-I say s-something wrong?”

“How could you suggest something so… childish!” Ganyu cried out. “Rex Lapis is someone who deserves great respect. I can not even imagine sitting on the same level as him!”

“B-But-“

“It would be a disgrace to him if we partake in something so human as to that.” Even though Xiao didn’t shout, he sounded so much scarier than Ganyu.

They both continued with their verbal assault towards her, and it brought an indescribable feeling in her heart. Barbara couldn’t do anything but stutter incessantly as both continued to interrupt her with their indignation. They were so protective of him… and their defensive words were damaging her heart!

“B-But- Please stop—“

“Barbatos is nothing similar to Rex Lapis. Maybe he would do something so ungracious, but-“

“Please—“

“Exactly. He is a absentee archon anyway.”

“Listen to me!” Barbara finally cried out in anger.

…

…

Silence immediately came to fill the void of that echo.

What did she just do? That… was the first time that she had ever raised her voice that loudly to another person, except for that primitive moment with Stari...

She felt… so… disgusting.

Barbara quickly placed both hands to her mouth in her own shock and disgust, unable to comprehend where it had come from. Usually, she would only chastise the people who had wronged her, never speaking with a tone of anger! Anger!?

The deaconess could soon feel the blindfold dampening with her own tears. How could she do something like that? Raising her voice like that?

…

“…We’re very sorry Barbara.” Ganyu finally responded – she had to have noticed the tears. “As adepti, we shouldn’t have been so harsh on your suggestion. We’ll listen to you now.”

“Barbara, we won’t… comment harshly.” Xiao confirmed in his own form of comfort.

She was still completely shaken up. Never in her life did she imagine to speak like that, especially to people as respectful as adepti, and to someone as kind as Ganyu! It took a few minutes of breathing practices until she felt even the slightest amount of relief. And neither Xiao or Ganyu talked for that time, possibly out of guilt.

…

…

With a deep sigh, Barbara managed to speak with a shaky voice.

“You both… have known Rex Lapis for so long. F-For most of your lives, thousands of y-years together. I’ve known my s-sister for all my life too, so I would’ve thought…” Barbara interrupted herself by rubbing her eyes through the blindfold. She realised her train of thought had completely collapsed, so she started again “Ganyu… X-Xiao… You both… love Rex Lapis. Like how I love m-my own. And I know that th-they love me too, so having a moment of… informality like that together… would make him so happy… wouldn’t it? No matter how serious he is…”

There was a long silence. And, with her vision obscured, Barbara didn’t know whether the adepti were hiding their laughter, or really considering her what she said. She had spoken for a while, and her voice felt even hoarser with her previous shout.

Ganyu though, was the first to speak. “My father was a human. So by the time I was born, he was no longer in this realm.”

The trees rustled as a moment of weakness shined through the desolate mood.

“I’ve always felt like I had been missing something… someone… as I grew up. But when Rex Lapis took me under his wing all those years ago… it brought a feeling I couldn’t describe… Was that feeling… love?  Being under R-Rex Lapis’s care for so many years… Was he like…?”

“…The father you yearned for...” Barbara finished the sentence through her tears. “T-That’s what I thought you both felt for him. So… I-If he also loves you, then he wouldn’t he find this… endearing to do? He’d like to do this… with his family, wouldn’t he?”

Another silence, though it was Xiao’s time to speak.

“I’m surprised at your interpretation of us,” He spoke calmly, a tone she didn’t expect to hear from him at all. “Rex Lapis has done… innumerable deeds to aid me too..”

Barbara managed a watery smile through the blindfold. That was all she truly wanted to hear. The support of both of them.

“So, Xiao, what do you think about that idea?” Ganyu asked

“Well, I still prefer to treat Morax as my superior rather than my equal.” Though Xiao didn’t quite understand, Barbara still felt internally happy that they both agreed to her plan. “We must suit this to his tastes rather than our own…”

“Hehe, and we have an expert in this field right here, don’t we?” Ganyu spoke, before she felt two pairs of eyes on her skin. “…We’re still sorry about… our words, but we would really appreciate your guidance now.”

And through the blindfold, Barbara smiled.

Chapter Text

It had already been a long day, but Barbara found she didn’t want it any other way.

Working up the courage to finally vocalise her thoughts managed to disturb Barbara’s heart more than any subsequent appeasement. Nevertheless, the resolution ended a peaceful one, and Barbara didn’t mind the silence she now found herself lulled into.

Everything was going according to plan: both Ganyu and Xiao, had already gathered all the ingredients necessary, with all preparations now set in stone.  They had been together in the kitchen for a while now, and the idle conversations of nostalgic memories echoed through the building, reaching the balcony. Even with the large distance, it could faintly be heard alongside the chirps of nature, coming as a soothing lullaby to the idol.

As she basked in their voices, Barbara continued to stare at the wonderful view. From such an overwhelming situation, embracing the nature came as a grateful reprieve — she had done this one previously… when times were still turbulent, and yet so much simpler.

Her heart twinged as she let the memory of her past linger… before things had changed so much. How did fate bring her here?

Quietly, Barbara looked down to her hands: they were still injured beyond repair, but had also begun the healing process. In some ways, she still couldn’t believe where she can come, and all the new people she had met.  Her journey had started with those charred stains, and her… Delusion…

…

It had only been three days, and she was no longer the same person.

She should have been disturbed, or feel upset for what had happened, yet she felt no disgust over herself — after all, she was given Pyro powers, and now she could truly prove herself now to everybody…

…deep down, she couldn’t help but wonder how much stronger she could become.

“We’re here!” Ganyu smiled, holding a tray of lovely treats, followed by… Xiao… from behind.

Without the blindfold, it proved difficult to keep her composure… especially with his charcoal flames. She remained strong though, ignoring the squirming in her stomach for the curiosity of what he was holding.

Gratefully, Xiao kept his distance, giving her the voice to speak. “Ah… so, we can get going?”

“I think yes. There is no better time than now to leave.” Ganyu’s voice withheld a fiery determination, and Barbara didn’t know whether to feel relieved, or deeply ashamed. “Let’s see. So we resort to a picnic, and either Xiao or I will ask of his human counterpart?”

“It seems futile to ask, especially when he’d immediately deny such allegations, “Xiao stated, “But there is no better options, I suppose-.”

With all the energy reignited in her voice, she attempted a joyous remark. “W-Well, let’s do this then—!”

Ganyu gripped tightly onto her wrist, forcing the idol to a still. Her round eyes intently stared at hers, burning… with the dedication to help. “There’s no time to waste in walking. We’ll take you directly to Mt Hulao”

And before Barbara could say a word, her vision was turned to black.

When her eyes opened, she found herself in a completely new environment. Rather than surrounded by multitudes of houses, she was a witness to a barren mountain range, the the peaks boldlybreaching the layers of clouds.

“A-Ah!” Barbara stumbled back, unable to process the sudden change in pressure such short notice.

Luckily though, Ganyu was there to catch her in time, gently swooping her onto the floor. “Do not worry, Barbara. We’re simply at our destination.”

This was certainly… a change of pace. Barbara had thought she’d have to trek all the way upwards by foot, scaling the mountain through various trials and tribulations alone. It would surely be a long journey, but the time given to recollect her thoughts would be one to cherish…

…Although this was fine too.

Taking time to catch her breath, the idol slowly turned to analyse her surroundings. While many mountains barely protruded through the clouds, Mt Hulao itself threateningly loomed over each and every one, basking in its magnificence. Heights never was a phobia for the idol, but she made sure to stay away from edges, wishing not to accidentally induce another fear onto others.

She chose to do the same now, opting to appreciate the intricacies of the mountain itself. Much like all of Liyue, a wave of calmness and curiosity washed over her psyche at the sight: the long-winded pathway leading towards a cave was already interesting enough, but it was the round table of three that truly grabbed her attention, left to its own solitude.

Her curiosity had instantly peaked, and Barbara quickly went astray, heading towards the table. However, as if on reflex, a hand reached out to stop her.

“We aren’t worthy to approach that. We must sit elsewhere.” The sturdiness in Ganyu’s voice was abundantly clear, and enough to silence Barbara. She may be quiet at times, but she really knew how to speak authoritatively when necessary…

She grimaced at the thought. Though Barbara should’ve felt relieved at that notion, it instead came as a horrible warning of her potential.

“This is satisfactory.” A voice, Xiao’s, spoke out from afar.

Both girls looked at one another and nodded, before simultaneously weaving through the golden rocks that decorated the mountain. By the time she had caught up to Ganyu and Xiao, they had already set the delicacies up, rearing to go in carefulness and precision.

The idol forced a smile at the sight, keeping the swarming thought of not contributing to herself. “It looks wonderful.”

Though it was the truth, it still hurt to say.

“So, how will we approach this?” Ganyu asked, looking to Xiao for confirmation. Nothing came of it though, except the shrug of his shoulders.

Before even more doubts could arise, Barbara jumped into the conversation. “If he had watched my performance… then maybe asking for his location would be the best question. Xiao mentioned all the adepti watching, but not Rex Lapis himself, right?”

“Of course. And we can prope further if he chooses to lie.” Xiao replied. “So the only problem currently… is you, Barbara.”

She was momentarily taken aback. Had he caught on? “M-Me? W-What did I do?”

“Rex Lapis certainly wouldn’t like to see a mortal in the middle of an adepti… gathering. It’s best if you find a good place to eavesdrop,or let us handle the rest.”

His response brought an unprecedented wave of relief, and she vocally sighed in relief. If Xiao had seen past her façade at this stage? Barbara only hoped she would remain alive from that ordeal!

“That’s alright. It was what I had expected.” Barbara finally turned to face the both of them, and finally managed to look Xiao directly in the eyes. “Good luck to the both of you~!”

With the brightest smile she could muster, she cheered for the adepti, before turning around. Usually, her vocal support would indefinitely help the Mondstadt civilians, so she truly hoped it would have the same effect on Liyuen adepti too!

As she voyaged around Mt Hulao, Barbara felt her body easing up. One certain thing about this mountain that she particularly enjoyed was the sheer number of greenery surrounding. That only meant finding a hiding place would bring little difficulty, as she’d need to look no further than those vermillion trees to find one. The only challenging notion was finding a place that was close enough to the action…

“Hmm… this will do.” Barbara assured herself, placing a foot inside of the bush, before concealing her entire body in it. She was sure if anyone were to find her now, they’d find the ordeal very strange: a Mondstadt idol in Liyue clothes, spying on two adepti… but Barbara really had no time to worry about self-image.

This was a moment to shine for, and she wouldn’t fail fail them now.

From where she was watching, both adepti turned to face the greenery, their eyes not lingering on Barbara even once. Quietly, she watched both sit down on the checkered fabric, polishing the chair for Rex Lapis to sit on, and exchanged nervous looks.

Quietly, she remained in the bushes, awaiting his arrival. He would surely arrive now — both Xiao and Ganyu’s eyes were closed, hands in a prayer, and softly whispering in unison. She couldn’t quite read their lips, nor hear their words, but both looked so deep in internal thought that Barbara held her breath too, even with the extensive distance between one another!

‘They can do it…’ Barbara thought, hoping the absolute best. ‘They can!’

There was no form of blinding light that Barbara expected. Instead, the feeling of balance in Mt Hulao shifted uncontrollably. Although the surroundings largely stayed the same, the feeling of a presence was unmistakeable. The others felt it too, evident from Ganyu’s swivelling head, and Xiao motionless waiting.

Finally, out of thin air, a mass grew into formation. It was though pottery was being carved directly for an audience, with details so intricate that it left her wordlessly staring. The features of a person slowly became abundantly clear: a tall man, wearing a white robe that partly concealed his head in the shadows, with golden-brown arms. The only other discerning feature was their golden eyes, gleaming brightly in the darkness of their hood.

The power discourse was immediate, and it left Barbara mouth agape.

“Rex Lapis.” Was all Barbara could breath out.

Chapter Text

The ethereality of the situation alone was enough to lull her into a catatonic state, as she was left wondrously staring at an archon for the first time in her life.

In her short time spent alive, Barbara never thought she would ever be blessed with such a presence. So, as she stares at Morax in all his glory, she also came to terms with her mind losing form too. Of course, she always had faith in the adepti to summon him, but never did she expect her reaction to be so… powerful.

Just his presence alone was overwhelming to her eyes. His golden arms were enough to wrap her mind with questions, as the archon only continued its descent, right into the eyes of the adepti. Like obeying children, they shuffled back, completely enamoured as they watched him fall onto the chair. Silently, Morax’s eyes locked onto both of them, and though each movement of his seemed harsh, neither Xiao nor Ganyu flinched.

The first muscle Barbara could clench was her hands. Then her legs that immediately began to shake. Regardless of the archon’s sickly aura, her eyes wouldn’t move, still glued onto the archon’s bold figure.

His mouth opened. “Now, what is this?”

For the first time, both Xiao and Ganyu seemed at a complete loss for words. Barbara simply could not blame them — she had really thought of the adeptis’ relationship being one close to familial, but if Jean appeared the same way, she would be no different! In her silence, she prayed for both adepti, hoping that they could fight the embarrassment to admit the truth…

“W-We wanted…” Xiao stuttered for the very first time.

“We wanted to have a informal gathering together!” Somehow, it was Ganyu that managed to exclaim. Both turned at her shout, enough attention for the qilin to shrink right back into her place, a blush so furious that even Barbara could notice it. “C-Called a ‘p-picnic’ to mortals.”

The silence that followed was a deafening one, and Barbara’s poor heart couldn’t handle such a tense atmosphere. Oh, she truly began to pray, hands quietly clasped together, hoping for the shining miracle to occur!

In that moment, Rex Lapis was just so quiet, arms that crossed with (what she assumed to be) dissatisfaction; at this point, she was simply awaited his departure!

Although motionless, his eyes still moved — at first, the golden iris’s of his eyes turned to the surrounding, looking into the blazing sun for just a few seconds, before turning to the swaying trees. He doesn’t seem to find her, which gave a perfect chance for Barbara to see his unreadable expression.

No. There had to be more… through the mirage of bushes, Barbara pushed deep into his aura, trying to read how he truly felt…

And somehow, one spark glew majestically in the dark. One that leaves her completely dumbfounded.

“Well, then why this seat?”

With what looked to be the most gentlest of smiles, he pushed the chair away, falling directly on the ground with the other two. The adeptis’ shouts of concern were so loud, enough for the birds around her to scatter, yet their words are rendered futile. He only stared back at them… in… happiness?

The gasp that Barbara’s blurted out went unheard through his gravelly laugh, so strong, yet also soft to her ears.

“It’s wonderful to finally see you two again… Xiao,” Gently, Rex Lapis patted him on the back. “and Ganyu…” He’s a bit more playful, ruffling her hair until it was unkempt.

“Morax…!” They both shout their grievances, but there is absolutely no animosity in their tone. Barbara heart felt overjoyed at such successes, and especially seeing how lovely Rex Lapis was to them!

Oh how it reminded her of Varka, who would always treat both Jean and her the same way when they were young…

…

…

Even in the monotony of eating food, Barbara couldn’t help but smile fondly as she eavesdropped. She was a noticeable distance away, yes, but Barbara could also embrace their radiating love and joy.  What a gift it was to witness it. It’s difficult to conceal her fluttering joy; seeing people so happy always makes her lively, and this was no different!

And as they spoke off things that were completely unrelated to her mission, Barbara couldn’t help but relax. Everything was fine… and she really was doing it… she was really going to succeed…

…and she was going to make everyone proud!

~~~

“So… did you watch the performance yesterday?”

All the delicacies were finished, air vibrant in their togetherness, when Ganyu asked that question. The qilin’s tone doesn’t come as off-key, nor does it come as strange. It comes from the heart, and they all realise it.

“Ah yes… what an enjoyable moment to behold. I haven’t seen such a wonderful performance in many, many moons. The girls certainly did not disappoint.”

Surprisingly, it became Xiao who shared Barbara’s burning questions. “Where were you watching it?”

…

Truthfully, she expected a tense silence. Although seeming impossible, she really believed that she had cornered Rex Lapis himself! After all, there is no chance any adepti would miss their powerful archon in the sky. Surely, they would definitely flock together at such a sight—

“Ah… I was watching it through the audience, in a mortal form.”

Surprisingly, it’s Xiao that is most shocked at his words. Well, Ganyu was too, her hands cupped right into her face, but she wasn’t the one suddenly stood up, looking down at Morax…

“What is your human form!?” Xiao demanded.

And of course, Rex Lapis was already multiple steps ahead everybody. “I could tell you any name I like, but would you believe me?”

It’s a real shame that Rex Lapis hadn’t signed a contract never to lie, but alas, she is left completely silenced as he sat up, unfazed. Gratefully, both adepti were now truly keen on finding out his identity, pestering onwards, as they ask question after question… and getting no answers. With a silent cry of her own, Barbara brought her hands to her face, thinking desperately hard before time ran out.

“S-So what did you think of the first song? Did you do any specific reaction… one that got eyes on you?” Ganyu and Xiao both looked at one another, as if working as a team to solve the burning question.

“Ah… well. How do I put it.” Rex Lapis pondered.

And with a cough, he answered blankly.

“Yes… to finally see the Yuheng and the Qixing's Secretary together was a gratifying moment to behold.”

…

…

…

Ganyu groaned, but she doesn’t see the shock on Barbara’s face. Xiao placed a hand on his forehead, but he doesn’t see the fear in Barbara’s eyes. And Rex Lapis smiled warmly, illustrious in his archon robes, and didn’t realise Barbara’s absolutely gut-renching revelation.

Every single piece of the puzzle was suddenly wrapped in a golden string, tied in a knot so powerful that no doubting words could ever make her relapse her judgement. In her mind, it was such a mesmerising sight — everything connecting into one person… fitting perfectly into that frame.

But her heart lurched, and continued to lurch.

The racketing noise made once she hits the floor is silenced by the ringing in her ears. Because everything made sense in those few words. And everything preciously and afterwords fell into place too.

He had said those exact same words to her.

After the festival, when everything had gone so perfectly, when he had approached to congratulate her, when he had come to warn her of Childe’s misdeeds.

He had the same laugh as his, and their black aura hadn’t changed at all from their previous encounter, flickering in its repugnant colours. He had the same mannerisms, quiet, yet patient at all times. And he had the same kindness… and oh did it completely destroy Barbara.

“What was that noise?” Morax asked, instinctively standing up. “Should I investigate?”

Not even Xiao and Ganyu could persuade him otherwise, for she could already hear the steps approaching her.

…not like she wanted to stay hidden anymore, anyways.

It doesn’t take long at all until the sharp browns of her dress is uncovered though the greens of the bushes. She feels the bushes sweeping around her like a sword, swishing perfectly around her frame.

And she is uncovered just like that.

For the second time, Barbara is able to look up at those eyes. She was able to meet the shocked eyes of the Geo Archon, looking down in confusion, and feelings she can’t even describe through her own shock.

But there is one word that croaked through her trembling mouth. One name that fit so perfectly well, and yet a name she never thought to say again.

“…Zhongli.”

Chapter Text

The blazing sun really was a beautiful thing, shining the truth through the disillusioning ocean of lies. It graced all of Teyvat: from the lowest meadows of Mondstadt, to the golden infrastructures upon the Harbour, forever illuminating in the sky…

And as Barbara remained sprawled on the floor, shoulders propping her up, all she could truly process was the orange sunset, surrounding the archon — Zhongli — in his exhilarating hues.

The planes had been riveting with energy when she was first taken here, but as both archon and deaconess stared at one another, the intense silence slowly crawled within. It’s hold was especially powerful, enveloping Mt Hulao so tightly that only the sounds of her strained breaths could be heard.

Still she wouldn’t speak, mouth clamped shut in fear and shock and sadness .

What was the truth anymore?

As Barbara remained frozen, every memory spent under Liyue twisted into a dull, more disorientating reality. The moments spent with Childe. The devotion to help. The  concert with Xinyan. Achingly, she began to question her entire journey to this very singular point...

Everything was to get a Gnosis… Zhongli’s Gnosis, and now he was standing in front of her very eyes.

Barbara’s head would not stop replaying the warning  he had given to her. His warnings about Childe and his ulterior intentions that she had ignored. His warnings that she had been misguided, and how Childe shouldn’t be trusted.

He knew. He know the truth from the very beginning. Which meant… she was on the opposing side of the gods themselves…

Oh Barbatos, she had reached so far. So unbearably close to giving that Gnosis to Childe! She felt like throwing up again, unable to contain the horrific feeling in her stomach.

She was working for evil people. She was evil.

Slowly, she could feel her entire purpose falling apart.

Her trembling body introduced a light swishing to the silence, low and vulnerable against the exposed bushes. What has she done? What was she actually doing?

Who was there to trust?

Her breaths turned into weak, exasperated hitches, leaving her choking helplessly. Oh, the lump was excruciating, pushing so hard against the sides of her throat that she’s left gasping for air. The dread Barbara was filled with only continued to grow — all the hard work, and all her growth, vanishing under those amber eyes!

“Barbara.”

Who was there to trust? Zhongli and Childe had both hid their true identities… Ningguang had kept her thoughts private… who else was lying to her? She imagined those faces: Xingqiu, Hu Tao, Xiangling … and the scars in her mind flared open.

Did they really enjoy her company? Or was this all for the concert? Was really all alone… just like when Signora had came?

“Barbara.”

Did Xinyan really care about her?

Tears ran down her eyes, hot and messy. Unbearable wet tears that stain her paled face. Was she only friends because of her status in Mondstadt? Was that the case with everybody?!

And what of Mondstadt? What about Jean?

She was crumpled on the floor, shaking viciously with heaving sobs and puffed cheeks. Her blabbering had long since lost control, and no melody could contain herself back to reality. She was too far gone, too far away from trust, breaking down where everyone could see her.

And in all the turmoil of her mind, with her body moving on its own accord, she suddenly found herself thrusted back to that fateful day. That mind-numbing moment where she had lost all control from confusion and stress and fear , and lose herself to that Delusion…

…And it all came full circle with the hand gripping her shoulder.

This time, she could feel it systematically coursing through her body: the sensation of heat, and envy, and disgust enveloping her.

It stemmed from her heart, burning through every joint it passed, until her limbs quaked in an unnerving velocity. It happens so quickly, but Barbara is quicker, jumping away before the ring of fire could envelop Zhongli.

“Stay away from me!” She cried awfully, as another wave of fire morphs the surroundings into ash. “I don’t want to hurt anyone else!”

As more and more of her view enveloped in thick smoke, she felt herself drift back and forth into unconsciousness. Even as she attempts to fight her closing eyes, she’s too weak against her own body — her burning hands. There was nothing left for Barbara to do, except crawl into a ball under flames, mind swimming in the shades of deception and lies and sorrow.

The hand lingers, warm and bursting with care she didn’t deserve. Barbara I found herself thrashing from side-to-side, begging to be let go, but they only gripped tighter, seemingly ignoring the embers that would burn their limbs.

She soon feels another pair of hands — surely Ganyu’s — stroking her face, and whispering words of comfort to her ears. The volatility in her heart grew with her weakness; the shame of requiring the comfort of another… yet her hammering heart slowed in that soothing voice, calming her.

All the while, her eyes were still firmly shut, refusing to open. She was wracked in guilt, and the shame of falling down this path. An archon’s would know the truth, and yet, she chose to not believe from his words…

“Barbara.”

And this time she hears it, under the crackling of the environment. So soft to her ears, and so reassuring, but Barbara is too broken, too afraid, too scared. So she remained silent, motionless in his arms, as she is set down on calmer waters.

Her body burns in hate, but it softly drowns away under the coolness of the moat. Slowly but surely, her emotions calmed down.

“Barbara.”

One last time, and this time she opens them.

She stares up to three caring pairs of eyes.

…

…

She looked to Ganyu, to Xiao, to Zhongli. They all… still cared about her.

They were… still there for her.

Not leaving her.

Finally, she cracks, sobbing an avalanche over her deteriorating clothes.

Barbara loses her grip of time in her sobs, crying a river upon the soaking moat, as they forever rang through the mountains of Liyue, under the eyes of the blazing sun.

When she finally woke, the first thing she sees are the bandages, tightly wrapped around her hands. It was a searing pain, even as they rested motionless on the silk fabric…

Then she notices Ganyu’s round eyes, looking directly down at hers. The effort not to cry from her worried expression nearly breaks her completely, but she wouldn’t dare return. Quietly, she sits up, gritting her teeth with the sharp pain in her hands now blaring…

“Are… Are you doing alright?”

Ganyu spoke again, nervous, placing a hand on her back. Barbara winced underneath the sharp pain of her fingertips, but she stays composed, appreciating the comfort.

“Y-Yes…”

Another effortless lie, but this time, Ganyu finally sees through it — her disapproving look said it all, hurt with the deception, hurt with the lies. She silently looked away, and Barbara followed her gaze; Xiao stood off to the side, surveying the both of them.

“It’s a relief his aura didn’t have any adverse effects whilst you were asleep,” Ganyu moved the conversation forward, holding the gaze at him. “He really did help, you know? He was the one who bandaged you up.”

Barbara remained quiet, grateful, yet conflicted upon the last few moments, and how horrible it was…

“Well, Morax— Z-Zhongli, would like to see you. He would like to... talk.” The qilin awkwardly stated, rubbing Barbara’s arm gently, before getting up. “I’ll leave you two to your privacy, and tell Lady Ningguang the... news.”

Barbara didn’t say a word.

“But from both Xiao and I… truly, thank you, Barbara.”

Her warm smile managed to lift her spirits, as Ganyu skipped away, towards the distant Xiao. She watched both adepti exchange in small talk, and the turn to give her a final parting wave.

Even when they teleported away, she silently continued to stare at the barren grassland in front of her.

She was lost, even after uncovering the truth. Every thought only brought her back to times before she had met Stari…

They had kept things from her too.  She had thought a Gnosis was just a fickle thing… she had thought it would be a mission that would make her sister proud…

No. Now all she could do was accept the consequences…

“You could do many things now.” A voice, as if reading her mind, came from behind. “You could deceive Tartaglia, and say you haven’t claimed my Gnosis.”

At that instance, she managed to find her voice back. Still, she refused to face Zhongli. “But I can’t. He… he will destroy Liyue if I don’t get it for him….”

Another silence. Barbara can see Zhongli in her field of view, approaching and settling down beside her.

Still in his archon form, although his hood had been pulled back now to reveal his unquestionable identity, he remained expressionless. a look at his stature told her that he harboured no resentments.

“It still puzzles me, Barbara…” Zhongli said, not sparing a glance at her. “I asked you this long ago, but why did you place faith in Tartaglia, even with an aura like his?”

Her throat instantly dried, and she was left mindlessly staring in front of her again…  at all the nature she had destroyed.

“He promised me to make me stronger...” For the first time, Barbara was allowed to speak. And with that came the words now freely rolling from her mouth — words she wished to speak out for so long.  “I-I just wanted to be stronger for my f-friends! B-But instead, I went a-against you!”

“I’d like to think you are a very strong girl. Very strong-willed, and clearly you never give up your goals--“

“N-No!” Barbara cried. “You don’t understand… I’ve done things. Things because I was too weak to stop myself from doing it!”

…

…

“…I had to change to get stronger, so I could never make the same mistake again…”

“… So you blindly yearned for change, but never considered the consequences that came?” Zhongli asked, voice softer than ever. “I can not say I empathise with your words yet, Barbara. But… you’ve lived through your conundrum, so maybe you can help with mine…”

Barbara looked up in curiosity, only to see Morax’s eyes staring down.

“Consider someone who yearns to abandon their duties, but knows their departure will have a detrimental effect. Is it a selfish endeavour to leave?”

Although her mind was still wrapped up in his previous words, she couldn’t help but retreat back to Mondstadt. To the people that needed healing, and the fans that she had left behind… to the nuns that were likely worried. Her own sister… scared beyond words.

The ones she had all left… in order to get stronger.

“Back in Mondstadt, I… was an idol. I would sing for those who required healing, and perform to bring life to the city. That was my duty.” spoke Barbara, as she stared at her bandaged arms. “B-But once I got that Delusion, I abandoned them… and later, I left completely to chase further strength.”

“And was that selfish in your eyes?” Zhongli asked, his focus completely on Barbara.

Barbara paused, before speaking. “I-If I returned to Mondstadt with my Delusion, then surely I would have gotten somebody hurt… and then they’d really wish I were gone…” Barbara responded, voice wavering at such interest. “S-So if you leave to keep everybody safe, it’s not selfish at all…”

…

The silence this time was far too long now, and Barbara looked over. Seconds pass of Zhongli, staring right through the ground, before he finally looked up. For the first time since that horrible accident, there was a readable emotion on the archon’s face. Revelation.

“Thank you Barbara. That was… exactly what I need to hear.”

And from that darkness, Barbara finds a smile of her own as they sat together, staring at the passing clouds.

It scattered the sky in its opaque whites, hiding the vibrant oranges that still painted the backdrop. Nevertheless, resting on the highest point of Liyue made it a beautiful sight, one that they both relished in.

…Although, it is quickly ruined with the passing Jade Chamber in the sky, spiralling right towards them

“A-Ah! Look out—“

In an instant, the mountains that they rested on morphed in his hands. With just two fingers, the earth around them  clamped onto the Chamber, keeping it to a deathly still.

And rushing out the doors sported a very unkempt Ningguang. Her dishevelment was quite a shock, staring at both Barbara and Morax.

They watched in turn as her mouth opened and closed multiple times. While her attempts at steadiness were in vain, still she awkwardly spun the hair pin to her hands, splashing red when it falls onto the floor. “Well. W-What do we have here… R-Rex Lap-Lapis?” Her shock wasn’t subtle. “I-I must say, you managed to f-find him rather quickly, haha.”

Barbara looked at her, and then at Zhongli. “His name is Zhongli.”

On second thought, Barbara wished she didn’t say anything. Ningguang looked close to fainting now, and her three assistants had to quickly jump out from behind, dragging her right back before the inevitable collapse onto the floor.

Barbara’s eyes turned towards the panicking Jade Chamber, stuck on the mountain, and Zhongli, now holding something in his hands.

The idol already felt the apology on her throat. “I’m sorry I-“

“Barbara. I’ve known of Tartaglia’s plans of taking my Gnosis for quite some time now…” He opened his hands — some form of chess piece was resting idly on his palms. His Gnosis. “While I do not understand his ulterior motives either, your words have given me a peace of mind of… parting ways with my Gnosis. It’s best I take my leave, before the Erosion drags me down.”

She doesn’t quite understand, but she nods anyway, looking at him.

“So I am willing to discuss matters with Tartaglia… to learn his ulterior motives. It’s clear that his plans exactly align with the Tsaritsa’s.”

The wretched feeling in her mind subsided at those words, although the guilt was still there — lingering close to her heart.

“But please Barbara… seek the truth. From the lack of judgement, you’ve taken the steps of a dangerous path, and I fear you will not be able to return.” Zhongli gave one last warning. “I will be… tying all my loose ends. Ganyu will return to treat to your needs, but as for now, I’ll see you soon.”

And Barbara ignored his starting words, instead feeling the joys in her heart return. 

She tried to hum to a little waltz in her head. But instead, her mind slowed, and her upper body collapsed onto the floor. The intensity of the day finally settled in the form of exhaustion, and she loses herself in the patches of greys and greens.

She… she can still do it. She can still get her happy ending… with Childe… and Zhongli… and Xinyan…

That was all she ever wanted…

And with that, the last thing that Barbara could take note of was the blur of Zhongli’s golden stature, before she returned to the familiar blacks of unconsciousness.

Chapter Text

The idol couldn’t help but notice how much time passed in her sleep. Even as her eyes remained closed, her mind keeping steady for just a solitary moment longer, Barbara couldn’t help but laugh.

Waking up and blacking out happened so frequently now that she had lost count of the times it had happened. Back in Mondstadt, she would never let herself succumb to sleepiness like this — after all, sleep was the time that could’ve been spent helping others. Years of believing that had left her rehearsing deep into the night…

Somehow, her once-busy lifestyle had managed to get worse, to an extent where any past resilience provided no relief. Helping others was a job that had once never taken her energy before, but today she felt completely drained, softly withering away.

Still, Barbara felt satisfied. Not even in Mondstadt had she managed to perform a feat of such high importance…

The Gnosis had been found.

Sadly, Barbara didn’t know how to feel.

Within the residence of her shut eyes, she recognised the warmth of the air. The tranquility of her rest. Her instincts are proven correct once her eyes open; the white walls and floor shined under her gaze , having become a sight she had grown fond of.

Although, it wasn’t quite the same. There were photos on one side, and ornaments on the other. In front of her, however, was that massive weapon…

There were many places she expected to wake up next: Childe’s bedroom wasn’t on that list. He had once been so lucrative about himself, never shining a truth of his real feelings — however, this scenario was strange. It was though he was… changing. Accepting her.

After a while of motionless staring, her affinity to be productive finally returned. With effort, she quickly stood up, and she darted her head to fully gather her surroundings — everything looked exactly how she last visited. 

She sighed. Waking up to Childe’s room… that must be a good sign, right?

Shaking her head, she attempted to get off the bed, only to realise that her ashen clothes had covered his bed in greys and browns. Barbara jumped quickly, hoping not to make a further mess of his bed, although it only stained the floor in a nauseating black.

“Nngh…” Barbara stared with disgust at those stains. “I’ll clean it later…”

Though a bit disorientated, her attention redirected towards the table. The last time she intruded, a paper was idly sat in view. It was no different now.

Barbara approached the table, the realisation that the letter situated was different quickly dawning. Now more intrigued than ever, she quietly glanced to see if she were alone, before finally opening it with her damaged hands.

Although it noticeably stained the letter, she gripped tightly, reading to herself.

Tonia,

Tell the others I’m coming home early. I will be completing the mission today, either by words or by force.

It looked largely unfinished, and Barbara cocked her head to the side in confusion. What was he talking about…? Completing the mission? Force?

Wait.

Not even choosing to think, Barbara’s body rushed towards the door. Practically slamming it open, she rushed through the hallway, careful not to trip down the stairs as thoughts ran over her mind!

Of course she should have known this would happen; Childe was just so desperate to get the Gnosis — there would obviously be some physical conflict… it was just his nature!

There was an audible noise however, one drowning her every step in its strength. It could’ve been the sounds of fighting… but it sounded calm, relaxing. Keeping herself still, she stayed beside the foot of the stairs, before carefully peeking into every room. From where she eavesdropped, the only form of light was emanating from the map room, and she focused carefully through her blurry eyes.

Two tall outlines stood still — Barbara could discern them well.

It was a surprise to see Morax still there; with so much occurring, she would’ve thought that he wouldn’t have stayed for long. Well, it was better than previous her thoughts of a dying Childe, all injured…

“What are you trying to show me, Zhongli?” Childe was whispering, as if careful not to gather any attention. “The noise is loud. Barbara needs more rest—“

“I’m showing you all the information you require.” The gravelly voice responded. “You may think the most dangerous part of the voyage to Inazuma is the storms, but it is truly the obstacles along the way”

Somehow Barbara could hear the voices through the overwhelming sounds. Was Zhongli… creating some alterations to the map?

Both men continued to intently stare at the map, and though Barbara sat low, she could hear the build-up of noise with every rock he added. Every loud clamp making the ringing in her ears more and more unbearable.

“Well, I suppose this will be of great help then.” Childe responded. “It has been especially difficult to navigate a smooth journey, but I see a very simple path now.”

They… we’re working together. Barbara silently sighed in relief. Did that really mean everything was okay now?

“I have entrusted you with these directions, Tartaglia. Do not make me regret my words.” Zhongli spoke once more. “And once Barbara wakes—“

“Alright alright. I heard you the first three times.”

Barbara could hear the footsteps again, and she quietly cowered into the darkness as they approached the front door. They were so close now, to the point where she could hear their breaths.

In a twisted way, it’s a relief Barbara’s clothes were so dark in its burns — the only thing that wouldn’t blend is her pale face and blue eyes.

Luckily they kept their eyes forward, towards the entrance.

“And tell the Tsaritsa-“ Zhongli started, before interrupting herself. Both their attentions seemed to peak, as Childe’s face suddenly turned away.

“Nevermind… I will tell her myself.”

And from the dark, Barbara watched Childe place a hand on his shoulder.

“Do not worry. Your Gnosis is in good hands. We will honour what has been lost… and reward Teyvat with the control of fate.”

“Well, we both know one girl who has already broken the strings of theirs.”

Zhongli left.

There was another overwhelming silence, and Barbara looked up to see that chess piece in Childe’s hands. It glimmered upon her face; the idol could see the warm smile on his face.

Complete joy.

Nothing happened… there was no fight, and the Gnosis was in his hands. A wash of relief came with having chosen the correct side, but she couldn’t forgive herself. Not until—

… and Childe switched on the light.

Barbara instinctively hissed under the bright hues invading her eyes, whilst Childe jumped in shock at her presence, nearly stumbling back.

“Ah! B-Barbara!? How long have you been there?”

The response she had got lodged in her throat, as her attention moved to fighting back the rays of light. Luckily, Childe moved quickly, hand moving to turn off the light before it became an even greater problem, and immedistely, the room fell back into its blackened hues.

It’s difficult, but the return of darkness gifted the idol the voice to speak.

“J-Just a few minutes. I didn’t hear much, I-I promise…” Barbara stuttered, blinking away the tears that had sprung up.

Childe seemed to believe her, looking down for only a few seconds, before getting on her knees. They were eye level now, and Barbara could finally look at him.

It felt so strange… to have gotten so close to someone with such a horrible aura. Only a few days ago, Barbara would have kept her distance from them unless necessary. That was how she always found herself in Mondstadt, helping bad people whilst maintaining a healthy distance… but now she was treating one as an ally. A friend.

The silence quickly broke once she felt the heavy grip between her sides. Barbara looked up shock, only to realise she had been enveloped in a tight embrace.

H-Huh?

Barbara didn’t know what the sensation in her body was; she hadn’t felt so… warm. Even though she had been embraced so many times before — being an idol meant sharing many forms of comfort after all — the emotions coursing down her body were ones anew…

The confusion was even worse: she was only ever hugged by her fans, and she loved her fans, so this feeling of warmth… why was she feeling so… happy inside?

…Was this what a hug was supposed to make you feel?

…

And yet, even in that overwhelming warmth and admiration and joy she felt, she still gathered her hands, and pushed him away. 

Life slowed as her arms worked the grip away, but with her entire life turning, came every horrid revelation collapsing down — because things still weren’t okay…

Because who was there to trust?

They were just inches apart now, and with the largest cyan eyes, she stared into the lifeless hues of his own, lips trembling, heart breaking. “Tell me… the truth. T-Tell me what my purpose is! Please Childe…”

His eyes didn’t tear away from her own, not even when her voice breaks, or when she stuttered her words.

“Please…”

…

…

“I suppose it had to come to this. You won’t like what you hear.” Childe sounded so cold in that moment. “Barbara, you always saw the good in every person. I hope you can do the same now.”

And Barbara closed her eyes, awaiting words. Any words.

Chapter Text

“We have been working for the Fatui.”

Not even his first word softened the blows, spilling the tormented words that Barbara wished were just mindless paranoia. Despite the visible horror that Barbara was forced unto, Childe paid no heed to it; he remained crouched down, staring directly into her mortified eyes, silently.

It was as though he was waiting for her response, awaiting every one of her spiteful and hateful words. But with how her heart shattered, it was hard to say anything at all.

“W-What…?”

Her throat dried in her chest. What was going on. What was going on.

“B-But they’re scheming evil plots, and hurting others!” Barbara screamed, pushing Childe indirectly, voice trembling in abject horror. “We’re… We’re giving them the Gnosis?”

“No… Barbara. I am Fatui.”

All the girl could do was sink back with terrified eyes.

Now it all made sense. The aura. The house. Stari. Her friends. Everything.

Barbara couldn’t help but instinctively scamper away from them, crashing against the wall, and whimpering like the girl she truly was.

The Fatui weren’t good people. That’s what she had been taught all her life: whether it were direct sayings from the Knights Of Favonious, from Diluc as children, or whenever Jean would mutter her distaste for their loitering. There was nothing good about them, the townspeople would whisper ever so often, and this only proved every thought true.

If Childe was part of the Fatui, then it meant she was an enemy of Mondstadt. Barbara had been trying so desperately to cheer those she loved, but she was only breaking every tie she had to that place. Noelle. Amber. Kaeya. Jean. Already, she was losing her grip on the ones she loved, and this was the nail of it all. The finishing blow.

“Please listen—.” Childe reached a hand out to reach out. Barbara pushes herself even further away. “I’m sure you have bad memories of them, but we are doing good! We have been doing good for so long…”

With all the daunting feelings wracking her mind, it’s a surprise she hasn’t used her Pyro powers yet. Those feelings were no different from when she was atop Mt Hulao. The feelings of betrayal, shame, and guilt, over and over again.

“W-Why would you hide that from me? Everybody knows how hurtful they are!”

Every question made Childe appear more and more uncertain. “About that… I am one of the ‘higher ups’ of Shnetzaya”

Barbara’s eyes widened, and she quickly darted her eyes, looking for an escape. She had been told her whole life to never trust the Fatui… and she happened to blindly follow one’s entire scheme!?

What did that make Stari then? Were they also another Fatui spokesperson, also attempting to use her?

“Let me out! I-I can’t be here anymore...” It’s really too bad Childe had her completely surrounded, sitting there like a stray animal on all fours. “P-Please let me leave. I don’t have any money. I can’t be here with you!”

Barbara was too wrapped in her anxieties for proper rationality. Childe definitely noticed too, but still continued to pressure her. Oh, he was trying so desperately hard to look normal, but nothing could truly take away the beliefs implanted in her—

“Barbara! You said it yourself once… you always try to see the best in people. Please understand that we’re truly saving Teyvat…”

…

As though he knew exactly what words to silence her, he punctuates every word. It works — the idol is completely silent now.

“…Huh?”

“That’s right. Please listen to me. I know you have a bad image of us, but please!” Childe punctuated again. "You've been living inside of Mondstadt's walls for so long, taking other's words as gospel, keeping you ignorant to everything. And now you finally have the chance to learn the truth, so let me tell you our side!"

Barbara stayed completely silent. He was... right. Despite the bombshell of news, and despite everything said, she still knew nothing. Who was right, and who was wrong? That was all she needed to know.

Childe took her silence as compliance. “We are trying to collect the Gnosis', because the world... is falling apart.”

“W-What? I don’t understand.”

“There is no understanding in this world, Barbara.” His words felt fake, utterly intoxicating, and yet the seriousness in Childe's tone was undeniable. There had to be some truth. “We are correcting this world.”

The world is falling apart. They are correcting the world. It sounded like a fantasy. Some silly fantasy made for a child to believe. A fool like Barbara to feel enticed towards. 

“Then what of the Gnosis?”

“They are more important than they seem. Collecting it all to Lady Tsaritsa is to remedy these lands, and we need every Archon's help."

…

…

“So… if I work with you, then we can save the world?”

Why was she cooperating? After everything they had done, why was she just so… eager to believe them? They had always been a foil to her home, terrorising, scamming, and upsetting her people.

Yet she couldn’t stop questioning herself. Even though she was trying so desperately hard to not get misguided…

…Barbara couldn’t stop thinking.

The thought of simply saving the world. It was just too marvelous to ignore. And it could finally give her… the purpose she needed.

All she ever wanted to do in her life was to bring cheer to the world. The chance was now… right now. There was absolutely nothing she had anymore… she had nothing… except this.

“Barbara. We need you. With your powers, this is a task only you can do. Something that will even make you… stronger.”

Stronger.

There was the word again — and this time it left Barbara reeling into a squirming mess. The word that had taken her into this painful journey of never-ending work. The word that had forced her through the highest and lowest moments of her life. And the word that ultimately made her submit to the Fatui, turning her into the thing she is now.

And those flowers bloomed once again. She could feel the lilacs sprouting in her heart, the vines enveloping her body in its hypnotic fragrance. Her body filled with the devastating desperation of change. Oh, she was begging for just a purpose… and she could finally be given one. To save Teyvat…

…

…

Barbara relaxed, drooping low against the wall she rested on. She looked back up to those attentive eyes, allowing herself to succumb to their words a second time.

“Alright, I trust you. I’ll help.”

Childe looked so relieved at that moment, hanging his head with a deep sigh. Barbara watched carefully as he unbuckled an object, carefully covered up behind his shirt.

A purple Delusion — his delusion — was in his hands, and right in front of her.

“You may have wondered why I haven’t locked the door with my powers. It’s because I have forfeited this Delusion for another once I return home.” Childe spoke. “Take this delusion, Barbara. Accept it as yours.”

Her eyes widened as she stared down at the Electro Delusion. She already harboured two powers, and Childe believed her enough to handle three!?

”I-I can’t. It’s too dangerous—“

“We’ll train with your new and old powers like you asked. So please, take it as yours, and we can get stronger together.”

The word again. She only continued to stare down, remembering the pain she felt. All the hardships she faced from just the Pyro Delusion in her. The traumatic pain that left her broken in her room, begging for it all to stop…

…

she wouldn’t forget to use her healing powers this time.

Barbara took it into her hands with stride, deeply staring into the engravings upon it. Just like Signora’s, it had similar runes circling its outline. His name was even written on the back — everything seemed identical to hers.

And despite everything, Barbara held it with care, holding it like a treasure in her hands.

She’ll do it. She’d accept the powers as her own… and save Teyvat. She muttered a healing incantation, feeling the warmth and joy in her heart.

… all before corrupting herself once again.

“I… accept this Delusion as mine.” was all Barbata said.

Liyue Barbara -> Fatui Barbara

Chapter Text

The drone of music that resigned in her mind was a gentle one — a soft, but melodious tune that lulled her into another bittersweet daydream.

They came and went these recent days, but with her departure to Inazuma crawling against her back, Barbara found herself constantly thinking upon the tribulations she’d face. She hoped that she could prolong the days prior, and enjoy it to the fullest just so the day would never come, but training always made the days pass quickly…

Barbara sighed, dancing her feet against the deep ocean.

She wasn’t ready.

The idol once thought that Jean was the strongest, most hard-working person in all of Teyvat, only underneath Barbatos himself! Yet articulating the dance and grace of battle alongside Ajax conjured a weariness from deep within — one that she hadn’t felt even during her performances! Nights would end with aching joints, and gasping breaths, only to repeat the next day… and the next… and the next.

Her body hurt. Her mind hurt. And she was leaving.

Thankfully, there was another girl beside her. Smiling, but not quite. Right against the hip, but not quite.

Ajax was... merciful tonight, letting her leave far earlier than usual. That meant there was only a few hours until nightfall. That also meant that she had a couple of minutes to say goodbye to all the friends she made, and that was exactly what she chose to do.

Barbara couldn’t help but smile at the memories. Since that ordeal, she had gotten so much closer to Xiangling and her friends — enough so that her free time would always consist of accompanying at least one of them! It was a type of friendship she had never experienced before, more genuine than any rendezvous within the confinements of Mondstadt. Whether it was simple idle chatter with Xingqiu and Chongyun, or basking against the Liyuen hills with Hu Tao, she had never felt such emotion in her life…!

…That only made the thought of leaving such a demoralising one, and too challenging to accept.

Parting ways with each of them had been so difficult, harder than leaving the adepti who were as supportive as ever, or Ningguang, who promised a large sum of money upon Barbara’s return. They really could have been the closest friends she could ask for…

…But most of all was the woman beside her, whose presence was enough to calm her.

Xinyan.

“So… a secret, right?”

Barbara nodded, eyes still transfixed upon the forming ripples. Ajax had ordered her to keep quiet, but the internal silence was unbearable.

Xinyan was different. She could talk to Xinyan. And regardless of how musical (and at times unconventional) Xinyan’s advice became, Barbara always felt validated for how she felt. Her silent comfort was enough to put any surface issue to rest, and although Barbara would forever keep her emotions under wraps, Xinyan was perfect to Barbara’s eyes. That alone was enough reason to open up.

“May you unbutton the back of my dress?”

There was a formidable silence, and then raucous coughing. Xinyan was looking at her with wide eyes. “H-Huh? Right here!?”

Barbara remained unfazed. “You don’t need to go far… only the first two would be enough.”

Xinyan must have caught onto her serious demeanour, because silently reciprocated, and manoeuvred herself accordingly.

At this time of day, no ships nor people came to the harbour, so there was no fretting as she felt her dress opening apart, and no heads to swivel around to hear Xinyan’s audible gasp.

“What is this!?”

Painted onto her skin was a distinct redness. It was as though one had drawn patterns against her flesh; fern-like structures that decorated her back. They stretched long and far, narrow and deep, and glowed under the concerned eyes that stared.

Smooth hands quickly took over, first dancing across the damaged skin, and then the warm gentle palming against her upper back. The electric sensations elicited a sharp twinge with every touch, rippling down her nerves, but Xinyan’s hands were just so soft. Even though Barbara couldn’t help her hisses, Xinyan’s delicate fingers ushered a form of easiness — she had never been comforted in such a way before.

“They’re beautiful to me.”

Barbara warily smiled, replacing her focus onto her fiddling hands. If there was any other chance to open up, the time was then.

“I… am different to everyone else.” She whispered low, but stopped herself once she realised how empty her mind was. Barbara didn’t have any clue what to say.

“You’re different…? What d’ya mean by that?” Xinyan, as oblivious as ever, continued.

Her hands shook, and she turned towards where Ajax’s house would be, before unbuckling the diary she kept concealed. Her dress did well to hide such a thing, especially hiding the three distinct colours that glowered upon its uncovering. Xinyan gasped again, her hands immediately freezing as she peered over her shoulder.

“Is that…?”

The idol nodded, dragging her fingertips against her Vision, and then her two beaming Delusions.

“I’m going somewhere dangerous.” Barbara whispered again. “And I was given these to help on my journey.”

“And you’re coming back, right?”

The question came as a surprise, but she recovered quickly. “Ah— I’m sure I will…~!”

For such reassuring words, Xinyan still looked far too uncertain. That was… expected — even she didn’t know if she could truly stand behind those words or not.

Regardless, the idol fell back into their shared silence, the atmosphere far tenser than it had once been. By then, Xinyan was sitting back in place, intently staring at her face. The idol was waiting for the words to be said.

“Y-Your eyes look different.” There was a stutter to her whispering, and she quickly turned to completely hide her face. “It’s blue, but there’s reds and violets too.”

Luckily, Xinyan missed the burning flush on her face.

“What were you—“

The sound of cutting waves quickly interrupted Barbara’s sentence, and both girls quickly turned to face the source of the sound. It was an oncoming ship. not too large, but just as majestic as Ajax’s house. It wasn’t littered with Fatui symbols, but instead held a Schnetzayan crest she had familiarised herself with.

That alone made its intentions clear.

Her trip to Liyue had come to an end, and it was time for her to leave.

She wasn’t ready yet. How could she possibly be ready when Xinyan had just opened her heart in such a way? The idol swivelled to face her, only to realise the woman was stood up; the uneasiness on the rockstar’s face was unnerving.

“Wait—“

“I see you two went on a little get-together before you leave, is that right?”

It was possibly the worst time for anyone to interfere, but as expected, Ajax stood behind them.

Barbara jumped up, immediately ready to ask for a couple more moments of privacy! However, Xinyan seemed well interested in talking to Ajax.

Although the girl was far shorter, she bore a more intimidating look, choosing to stare directly at the harbinger’s eyes. The eye-contact prolonged for only a second more, before she huffed and stepped closer.

“I have a feelin’ that you were the one behind this.” Xinyan’s eyes narrowed, before softening into a more anxious expression. “So can ya promise me…? That she’ll be safe?”

Before the idol could even cut in herself, Ajax chuckled lightly “Haha! In Scaramouche’s hands, the only person that could hurt her would be herself.”

The name was unknown to both women, but the word still provided enough comfort for Xinyan to relax. With a curt nod, she turned to face the blonde, and warmly cupped their hands into one. “Stay safe Barbara. I can’t wait for you to return.”

The idol painfully looked at Xinyan, noting the forced smile on her face, before she stepped to the side, letting Ajax have the space he wanted.

“I see you told someone.” For someone so serious about her journey, there was a child-like tease to his whispering. “So are you ready to go then, Deaconess?”

“O-Of course…”

She took the bag into his hands… and hugged it tightly. The idol needed some form of comfort; even this was enough. Of course, he took notice immediately.

“Barbara, you have nothing to worry about. As long as you do what Scaramouche says, you’ll be alright.” He placed a comforting hand upon her shoulder, before turning to face the boat. “And I trust that girl would keep a secret. Now let’s go. They’re ready.”

She nodded again, before following the harbinger towards the entrance of the ship. A part of her couldn’t believe the journey she was taking, and yet, this felt like exactly the scenario she wanted to be in. A place where she could learn new cultures. A place where she could make new friends.

And a place where she could get stronger.

Right before she stepped a foot into the boat, Barbara turned away. Her mind was filled with longing thoughts, and the idol couldn’t help but snap towards Xinyan one more time. A final, unbearable goodbye that she wished could last forever…

But not only did the sunset shade the view into a mesmerising gold, it was slowly populating too.

They were all there. Hu Tao was running towards the harbour, followed by a much exhausted Xiangling. Chongyun and Xingqiu were also revealing themselves, comfortably sitting in front of her field of view. Most notable of all however were the adepti resting atop the building — Ganyu and Xiao stood there in waiting, hiding in just the right position where they would be hidden. And sitting between the adepti was him — Rex Lapis — watching the ordeal with deep, concentrated eyes.

Just the act alone could bring her to tears.

They were all there for her, wishing farewells to her departure, and hoping for the best. Her friends were there with the warmest smiles, beaming with pride as they vigorously waved their goodbye. They were all there to watch her continue her journey into strength, and she couldn’t feel any more loved. She loved them.

“So… Are you really ready, Diaconesse?” The voice, Stari, lulled.

The voice that started this all. Her mentor. Her saviour.

And all Barbara had to do was look at Xinyan’s lovely smile, and the supportive wave she maintained, to answer their question.

“I am.” replied the deaconess.

yet a desire compelled your every step

charcoal painted from the depths of hell

muted screams. the desperation for help

went unheard within the ocean of regrets

so will you crumble, suffer in this state

or dread onwards, a destructive kindled wake

the choice is yours. an idol's spiralled hate

or your deaconess ways forever tied with fate

— Tartaglia

Though I fear that it is too late

The spark in your eyes no longer blue

The joys in your smile no longer you

The aura that shone now losing its hues

Heart twisting. Skin withering in purple too

What happened to the innocent girl I knew?

— Zhongli

a lovely aura turned sour by an empty canvas

the burning sun shining high upon the clouds passage

a white dove shipping from the devil’s chalice

an angel turned harbinger; what a cruel face you challenge

— Stari

Chapter Text

As lavish as the ship looked from the outside, the interior was a reality as shocking as Ajax’s own home! It was a truth that left every negative word in Mondstadt into doubt, and left Barbara spiralling into another blend of muddled questions.

Years of demeaning notions from her peers had Barbara expecting the very worst in them. She expected weapons scattered across every floor of the ship, or a raucous crowd that spewed awful profanity from all sides. She expected arguments from every corner of the deck, or even the clashing of swords from a brutal fight — the messengers from Schnetzaya would even paint these horrible pictures in her head!

So the very thought of seeing dozens of Fatui soldiers, standing at attention, was a shock.

They stood more perfectly than any Knight of Favonious she had ever seen, veiled with their signature masks, and positioned so a clear entryway could be made to the front. They were all in order, eyes trained forward and emotionless. Their presence alone was shocking.

Barbara’s first steps into the ship was spent behind Ajax, following his strides with eyes that darted all over. Apart from the Fatui soldiers on both sides, it looked exactly as welcoming as the exterior presented itself: a healthy warmth of light from both sides, and even an extravagant rug for the two of them to walk on!

Once they were to the front, she was bombarded by the dozens of eyes on her, no doubt shock and confusion coursing through. Barbara scampered away to a corner, closeted in the dark. And surprisingly, Ajax let her be.

Instead, he took a hand to his pocket. The orange glow of the Gnosis beamed as he revealed it to the crowd, before he balled the hand into a fist and held it high in the air.

The scattered gasps of the crowd was soon followed with an eruption of cheers.

It was a sight to behold from the corner she remained in. The propriety that was once present in all of them had fallen apart for… sheer happiness. Ajax turned back, giving Barbara a smile, before turning back to the rejoicing crowd.

“This could not have been done without the help of our newest recruit.” Ajax’s voice boomed. “Well, should I say… our latest Fatui Harbinger.”

Unfortunately, Ajax began motioning her forward. With her legs shaking, Barbara approached him, and the awaiting crowd. Though a glint of relief was present at their joy, she was still nervously spinning through the doubts in her mind; the sudden redirect on focus upon her did not make it any better.

“The 12th Harbinger, blessed with a Pyro Delusion, La Diaconessa!”

They didn’t salute. They didn’t shout her name back as the Knights would’ve done. They… applauded? Chanting her name and clapping with voices louder than most performances she had ever attended…

The confusion only continued to grow, breaching far past the extent for a headache to form. She didn’t know what to do, and so she remained with her feet planted on the ground, unresponsive to the cheers that had descended down the entire deck.

“You’ll get used to this behaviour.” Ajax whispered whilst she forced a smile. “When they’re not on a job, they’re just as normal as you expect anyone to be. So just relax.”

Barbara nodded, but didn’t quite take his words into account. She decided to stay in her own thoughts, letting her own thoughts diffuse it all.

After all, the knot in her stomach was still building, the reality of her situation crashing like the intensity of the waves. She was working for —  with  — the Fatui, and completely under her own volition! She was even reading its various volumes, larger than all Knights of Favonious book in its history… combined!

And yet… they were as normal as her own dear citizens?

So Barbara decided to retreat back into the dark, letting it envelop her. All her interest had vanished for the thoughts of Mondstadt, as years of teaching began to rewrite itself. Could the Fatui really be as kind as Ajax says they may be?

~~~

It was too hard to think in a room full of conversation.

That’s why Barbara decided to leave the jubilations of the deck, and instead kneel by the bow of the ship. From her travels, she always found comfort within Stormbearer’s Point; it was a resting point of sorts, and here it felt no different than back home.

With a sigh, she rested her head against the railing, letting her hair float along the breeze, watching the endless expanse of water. Staring. It’s chilly, but it’s not too strong to be a disturbance to her inner peace.

Everything was calm—

“Inazuma will be a lot different to Mondstadt or Liyue.” Stari came. “You arrived at a fortunate time to Liyue. The Rite of Parting had made those people more amicable than usual.”

Barbara remained silent, tuning out Stari’s words for the soothing sounds of the waves.

“This archon will also be one of the most stubborn. That’s why I’m trusting you aid the Fatui advocate guiding you.”

Barbara tensed.  To hear  that  word — a word that, if mentioned beforehand, would have stirred her away from her journey entirely  — incurred a pain to her core. It rolled of Stari’s voice so easily, and yet it seemed forced; deliberate even.

…

…Stari always knew what to say to snap her back into discomfort. In passing, they were no different to when they first met.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you about what?” 

They knew. They knew what they were doing, or maybe Barbara was just desperate to vilify that horrid voice.

Still, she retained herself. Calm, but almost to the brink of disaster, she spoke. “You didn’t tell me that you were working for the Fatui… You didn’t tell me how important a Gnosis was…”

“Well. You never asked” They responded matter-of-factly, no sense of wrongdoing or admission.

“T-That… doesn’t mean you can hide it from me!” Barbara retaliated, though the undoing in her own voice betrayed her.

“You never asked.”

“But you know that I wouldn’t accept such a thing…!”

“Are you sure? You sounded quite desperate back then. You put so much faith in me, you even promised not to wander away.”

Barbara couldn’t respond. 

Was she desperate? Had she said that? The memories of that day had long faded away, and yet the more Stari talked, the more words that weaved the scattered memories together. 

Had she promised to continue her journey?

As the confusion and hurt grew, so did the pain in her mind. She pulled herself away from the railing, clutching her head.

“It’s perfectly acceptable to change. I’m sure that you’ve had mixed feelings about that for a while.” Stari said, more emotive than they have ever have been. “But I’ll tell you this. Staying the same solely to please others is a useless endeavour. You wouldn’t change for Mondstadt with that Delusion, and look where it got you.”

Change . It was a word she thought she held little resemblance to. And it was one she hadn’t felt a connection so strongly towards until now.

Delusions, and Ajax, and Xinyan, and all the friends she had left behind. Meeting — deceiving —  Ganyu, and becoming a braver person. All those events had come from a change, and it was all just the beginning.

Was this really what she needed?

“I-I have changed, haven’t I?”

“You have changed terrifically well, Barbara.” Stari responded, and for the first time, Barbara didn’t feel unsettled by the compliment. The idol could tell it wasn’t a lie, nor was it an insult. They meant well.

Quietly, Barbara braced herself, closing her eyes in thought for only a moment.

“T-Then… I’ll continue to change. I’ll continue to become a better person than the last, I promise!” Her words were calm, but her heart continued to race.

Barbara really was changing, becoming stronger, and learning more of the world. That’s all she ever wanted to do, and finally she was given the chance.

“Then let us retrieve the Electro Gnosis.” The smile in Stari’s tone was evident. “I will have no doubts in your talents if you manage so. Scaramouche may be an ally, but I have faith in your success.”

…

…

and so, Barbara nodded.

”I will do it. I will get the Gnosis.”

Chapter Text

Hours passed until the boat took its final stop. It had taken the overwhelming mess of rain and thunder and hail for the rays of light to finally peek through the clouds, morphing the darkness into a placating warmth, and then a vibrant shine.

Inazuma.

The view from the bow alone was striking; just as warm as she imagined, and far more wonderful than her hoarded photocards in Mondstadt. Glossing her fingertips over them had once been a regular routine in her day — Barbara never expected to see it in the flesh, much less experience it in her lonesome!

Her vivid blue eyes met the mountain, wandering along it until the magnificence lulled her back onto the floor. Not even Jean had stepped foot on Inazuman soil; for the first time, she would be the first of the two.

As the thought lingered in her mind, the ship anchored with a jolting halt. Barbara took a moment to catch herself, before peering from above, watching as Ajax escorted his soldiers away. It didn't take long for Barbara to stand afterwards, already headed ti the deck.

One step, two steps. Even with the sight of Inazuma just ahead of her, she still hadn’t fully grasped her surroundings. One foot, two foot. Now on the walkway, and then another foot onto the bridge.

There was no performance. There was no Mondstadt. First Liyue, and now here, Barbara could lose herself in those sights, learn of Inazuma, and meet new friends…!

Another step. Another step. Seconds passed in her giddy excitement. The smile that graced her face could not be any larger. She was really here. A place anew. Safe.  

“Scaramouche will guide you.”

Then she remembers. She looked up to Ajax as the surrounding soldiers dispersed around the two of them. The Gnosis. Her goals. 

“Scaramouche.” The name rolls of her tongue, or perhaps stutters. In Barbara’s mouth, the word alone left as a spiteful mess.

“I believe in your abilities, Barbara. If you could obtain Morax’s Gnosis, then certainly you could acquire the Shogun’s too.”

Morax. Shogun. Gnosis. Believe. Barbara lets every word register, before following onwards — a sole, affirming nod. He was right; this was her change. Her change for the better. Her change to please those she loved. All that remained was finding the next Gnosis, and perhaps the next, and then the next…

Only until she was stronger.

…

…

“Ajax?” Looking up to him, Barbara mustered a smile. 

“Have… have fun with your family.”

He left quickly. Barbara watched his departing wave as the ship sink under the horizon, and then completely vanish out of sight. The gathered soldiers on the dock had long disappeared, and with the offers from her subordinates swiftly refused, she was left to accept her own predicament… left to her own solitude.

Scaramouche. Her next ally. That was whom she required next.

“Stari?”

No answer, and Barbara quickly realised that they had already vanished. Nothing remained in her sighed except a long-winded pathway, and Barbara took that final steadying breath to head towards that path anew.

Barbara turned left, and then right, almost melting at the sight. Even the trees looked as wonderful as she dreamt — its beautiful pinks looked nothing like the humble green of the Mondstadt trees. Neither were the buildings, nor the elevation of the mountains. It was though she stepped into another world altogether.

Big Sis would love it here, and Barbara was sure of it. The refreshing calm that overcame her now would surely lift the stress on Jean’s shoulders. That’s all she ever needed— no, ever deserved; nothing but serenity and joy.

Giggling softly, she couldn’t help but imagine herself with Jean: encouraging her to relax; tugging her arm through the winding pathway; telling her of how much stronger she had become…

A paradise she could easily get lost in. She could almost waltz in her joy—

A distant cry snapped her out of all thought. 

Her head turned with concern, and then horror. Only a few feet away stood a guard, holding another man captive. If not for the rope that squeezed the man’s hands so tightly, nor the yell so terrifyingly loud, she would have remained complacent to it all.

Barbara’s heart lurched. On a day in Mondstadt, she would have intervened without a moment's notice, adamant to loosen the bind to his wrists… but here, she was incapable to do anything but watch, the shouts and screams ringing in her ears. 

Uneasily she straightened up, eyes nearly watering at the sight! Despite the name of justice, hearing the pain of others brought an inner ache too painful for words.

The ordeal lasted for a minute longer, and that was when the rustling of a bush could be heard. Her eyes turned for only a moment, but even that was enough. Someone was moving. Quickly, Barbara held her breath, keeping still as she watched… a woman, following the two. They were adept, and Barbara would’ve missed her if it wasn’t for their illustrious-dressed armour. 

The woman streaked onwards, seemingly adamant on her goals. Without realising, Barbara was moving too, legs taking steps before her mind had asked her to.

Something was wrong, although Barbara didn’t need to be told that. All she wanted was an answer. An answer to this torturous ordeal.

Despite the extensive length of the journey, not even one glance had been shared between one another. It certainly provided some form of relief, though she wasn’t surprised at her talents — outside the walls of Mondstadt, Barbara considered herself an expert at keeping herself hidden. 

Hiding behind another tree, Barbara continued to follow them with her eyes. Inazuma City (at least, that was what she gathered) was filled with magnificent sights. Regardless of it all, she kept her eyes trained on the two, watching as they descended a trapdoor.

“Don’t bother. It’s hopeless.”

A voice stuck from behind her, enough to completely snap her out of it.

Too scared to scream, Barbara snapped her head back. The same woman stood menacingly, mouth concealed with a mask, and sharp eyes that squinted back at her own widened ones. “So who did they take from you, then? You don’t look like you’re from Inazuma.”

“I-I’m not!” She found her voice, far firmer than what she expected. “I just— um, I just wanted to see the commotion… ah—“

“You’ve been following me for a while. Your dress looks like a disaster.” 

She looked down, and then back up to the green-haired woman, blushing with the embarrassment of her own mistake. True to her word, Barbara’s dress was stained with hints of greenery… and she hadn’t prepared a word for this situation at all.

No. Barbara quickly remembered the words Ajax would say as they trained. This wasn’t the time to get impulsive; she needed to calm down. 

With a hand to her chest, Barbara began to steady her breath. “I just saw… that man, and the cruelty of that guard. Seeing him so hurt… I just wanted to know what had happened.”

“You’re new here, aren’t you?”

“Y-Yes… quite new.”

“Well. It’s better someone tells you now before you get yourself in trouble. They’re—“

“Help!”  

Another voice cried from behind. They both turned at once, setting their sights on another girl, rushing towards the two of them. Tears in her eyes, and certainly frantic, it was a surprise that neither had noticed anything earlier.

“Master Masakatsu. They just took him! Shinobu, you know how often Itto comes for him. You have to help!”

“Yoimiya, no. With that knucklehead down there, we can’t expect anything.”

“But— b-but we need to do something. We need Master Masakatsu to keep others safe. Itto doesn’t deserve to lose his Vision!”

In the midst of conversation, Barbara froze. 

“No. You aren’t.” Shinobu sensed it immediately, a finger raised towards Barbara in warning, but the idol was already keeping her breath steady. People in danger… losing a Vision; she couldn’t even imagine the pain of submitting either.

Looking at them, no malice within either of their auras; she trusted them. She would take action. Someone needed help, and she wasn’t going to shy away from it any longer. Ajax had told her to never be a bystander; she… was changing.

“I’ll go.” Barbara spoke, adamant. “I’ll get both of them out of there.”

Yoimiya turned to face her, before nodding herself. “I’ll come too.”

Shinobu placed a hand to her head, seemingly in frustration, before speaking herself. “And I’ll… get some assistance if you don’t come soon enough.”

Her eyes flared with determination as they agreed. It was her duty to help, and with her new-found strength, she could finally put it into the test. This was all what she wanted to do. Save others.

Chapter Text

Well this will be discontinued for the forseeable future, since i havent even started the sumeru chapter (AND I WILL).

My friend has been telling me about the deeper DEEPER lore, and i believe in their words. it makes the story 100x harder to write, but if done correctly, actually makes the story much more interesting.

Also, as my writing style morphs and changes, its difficult to simply keep the structure of a piece of work ive made 4 years ago, and simply carve out as much of my new writing style as possible.

It's awkward and makes me recoil in how awful it comes out at times.

This is pretty hard as a statement, and actions are louder than words, but if I come back, it will be a complete rewrite. Not just changing words and adding/removing statements.

The plot may remain the same, but I will likely change MANY many things so im more comfortable with my writing style. It needs to stay consistent i think.

On the end of every act, im going to link a collection of poems/songs that I wrote about Barbara's journey.

I'll come back one day just for myself because I feel like Barbara half the time.