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The wind howled around him, snow stinging his eyes. Hugging his arms tightly against his body Lex stared blindly out into the frozen night. Another Christmas Eve, another night filled with the empty promise of love, of warmth; of anyone even giving a damn that he still existed.
He chuckled bleakly to himself. Oh, make no mistake about it, the world knew he lived. He was one of the most powerful men on the damned planet. Whole countries trembled at his whims. Just, no one saw him, no one saw 'Lex' any more. Just 'Luthor'. He'd fucking seen to that, hadn't he?
The cold clawed at his face and hands; some distant memory tugging at him of his mother's voice. 'Wear your hat, Lex. Remember, darling, you have to protect your head.' Then her hand would skim over his scalp, one of the few he had allowed to touch him after.
After. Every damned moment of his life stemmed from that; from the day that his world exploded all around him. Everything. Even that which he lov… Lex shook his head, anger clouding his vision. No, even that which he hated the most.
Hate was the only real emotion he allowed himself now; all others lead to weakness. It had been many, many years since he'd let himself feel anything else.
Friendship and empathy, they were for lesser men. Not for him, not for the former President, not for the head of one of the biggest corporations on the planet. Hate fueled him, made him strong. Lex shuddered, angrily swiping wet snow from his eyes. Why then did he feel so hollow inside? Why the fuck wasn't it enough?
He'd thought it would be. Convinced himself of that cold, hard fact on another long-ago Christmas Eve. Standing looking out a window at a similar snowstorm, his mutant body healing him faster than even he'd believed possible.
Power. Gather it hard enough, fast enough and no one would ever touch him again. No one would screw with him, hurt him, would take anything else he loved away from him, ever again. His plan had worked, all too well. It'd just been too damned late when he'd finally figured out that if no one ever got close how could he ever touch anyone back?
Lex laughed, the sound brittle, borne away on the wind. He'd become master of the world, why the hell then did he still feel like that same pathetic kid from so long ago? He detested that weakling with his nose pressed up against the windowpane, despised his pathetic longing to belong, to come inside out of the cold.
His feet moved without thought, closer to the edge, soft Italian leather slipping slightly on the icy concrete. Leaning forward against the wind, he wrapped numb fingers around the waist high guardrail. Dizziness hit his senses as he watched the swirl of snow tumbling toward the ground thousands of feet beneath him.
Lex yearned to follow them down to the sparkling street below, the reds and golds of the Christmas lights visible even from here. The only thing stopping him was the fear that even that wouldn't work. That his freakish body wouldn't let him die, that he'd continue somewhere as a broken shell, cut-off even more than he already was from the world he'd given up everything to have.
Clumsily unwrapping a hand from the frozen metal, Lex was surprised at the burst of pain he felt, the splash of blood dripping silently onto the whiteness of the newly fallen snow. Mesmerized he watched as the torn tissue repaired itself right before his eyes. It was like his body was on this never ending recycle loop. Somehow time had stopped for him somewhere in his thirties. He was seventy freaking years old but you'd never know it to look at him.
Another chill cut through him that had little to do with the cold. Distractedly scrubbing his hand clean against his cashmere coat Lex tipped his head forward, closing his eyes. Tired, he was so damned tired. All he wanted was for everything to just stop.
He'd won it, won it all. Why had no one ever told him that it didn't mean a whole hell of a lot if there was no one left to share his accomplishments with? Hell, even his father had had him, freak son or no, to leave things to, whether he'd hated him or not. When Lex died, if he could die, his kingdom would fall. All that he'd built slowly fading away into the sand; 'Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
What the hell did it matter then if he stuck around until the bitter end? Who'd give a damn? Lex knew if he was honest with himself that there'd be no sorrow at his passing, only relief that the mad dog was finally stilled.
Lex pulled his remaining hand free from the guardrail. This time there was no tearing of flesh because, no matter how real it looked, there was no tissue there left to sear. His right hand was just one more casualty of his battle with the alien through the years.
Clark. Lex grimaced. What do you know, that thought still hurt. Even after all of these years Clark had the power to wound him. Lex had always been damned careful not to let him see though. At least in that he'd won.
Angrily swiping at his eyes Lex pretended that the ice forming on his cheeks was only from the wet snow melting there. Decision made he decided to take this final chance, hoping silently that fortune would smile upon him one last time. Leaning forward, body straining against the wind Lex spread his arms wide. Soaring, his face twisted into an almost forgotten smile as a final thought cut through his brain just before the darkness took him:
'Do you believe a man can fly?'
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Opening his eyes to dazzling light, his first thought was confusion that nothing hurt. His second was disappointment that he'd failed. Pain stabbed through his awakening soul at the thought of endless years stretching out before him.
As his vision slowly cleared he realized he was lying in an unbelievably soft bed. Attempting to move his hand Lex was surprised to find he couldn't, only then becoming aware of the weight that held it in place. Someone was lying on top of it on the edge of the bed, dark hair tumbling over onto the white sheets.
Reaching out with shaking fingers Lex ran his hand through silk, the messy curls twined around his fingers, seemingly reluctant to let him go. The person, the man, slowly stirred, jumping slightly at his touch, rising up to look him with soft, sleep-blurred eyes.
"Lex…?"
"Clark? How? Where am I? I don't…"
"Shhh…" Lex felt a warm finger trailing over his lips, silencing him. He was surprised at the heat that lingered behind its passage. A huge smile creased Clark's face, years dropping away, calling back someone he'd never thought to see again.
"You're here with me, at the Fortress." Clark looked at him intently, the smile slowly fading away. "Lex, I couldn't do it, I couldn't just let you die. Even with everything we've done to each other." Sadness swirled through the brilliant green of the eyes he remembered so well. "Especially with the things we've done… the things I've done to you…"
"No, Clark. It wasn't just you; we're both to blame. I alone made the decisions that later shaped my life. Just as you chose to walk the path you did." Lex reached up gingerly touching Clark's face. "Destiny, remember? She can be a real bitch at the best of times and ours was etched in stone."
A sad smile stole over Clark's face as he looked back at Lex. "Yeah, well, it didn't mean I had to be such a stupid kid though, did it? I could have tried to have at least a little faith in you, in us."
Lex shook his head. "That's the whole problem, Clark, you were a kid. We both were. There was too much pain, too much damage heaped on us by then for either of us to have any chance at all."
Lex closed his eyes, shocked not only hear his own words but to find he believed them. The bitterness, the anger that had fueled his days for so long was gone. Somehow he'd passed through hell and been reborn.
Bone-deep exhaustion still pulled at him but he no longer felt like he was drowning. Pulling a shuddering breath into his lungs Lex opened his eyes, his hand reaching up to touch Clark's face once more. "Clark, it's over. Lex Luthor is dead, you win the war."
Strong arms wrapped around Lex, dragging him up to rest against Clark's warm, solid chest. "No, Lex, I don't want it. I don't want that life, I never did." Lex felt the tickle of Clark's hair on his skin as Clark rubbed his face against him, his voice so quiet he had to strain to hear it. "All I ever wanted was you. By the time I figured that out I was too damned late to do anything about it."
Lex pulled back, searching Clark's face. "What about Superman? Can you really turn your back on him and just walk away?"
Clark leaned forward; Lex felt his lips feather soft against his own before he tugged Lex back into a loose embrace, a gentle smile on his face. "For the chance for us to get it right this time, to start over? In a heartbeat. The world is filled with heroes now, Lex. It survived long before I got here; I'll bet it'll go on just fine without me."
Lex shuddered, feeling the warm arms tightening more securely around him as he leaned into Clark's strength. Pain coursed through his chest, emotions he'd banished long ago threatening to over-whelm him. "Let me rest here, Clark. Just for a little while. I don't want it either. I don't want to go back, to be that man again. It hurts, everything hurts…"
Lex felt himself held, felt himself rocked, warm lips against his temple. "Shhh, Lex, you can stay. You can stay forever. There's nothing left for either of us back in the world. We can go anywhere, be anything we want."
As sleep crept in, his eyelids growing heavy, a sudden thought hit Lex. "Clark, how long was I out? What day is this?"
"It's Christmas, Lex." Clark chuckled softly, his laughter a warm rumble against Lex's skin. "I think it might just be my best one ever."
Lex resettled against Clark, a sleepy smile of his own tracing over his face. He'd thought Christmas was something that happened to everyone else in the world but not him. Instead, when he wasn't looking it'd crept up on him, on them both.
They'd been granted something few people ever got or accepted; a chance to start over, to make it right this time. When neither of them had thought to hope for the miracle they'd been given, Christmas came. Even for misfit aliens and meteor mutants. 'Somehow or other, it came just the same!'
