Chapter Text
There are no rules in death.
In life, there is morality, laws, and ethics that keep people in line, keep people alive. You are born, then you live out your life, you get three chances to make the most of it. But in death, there is none of that.
A living person will never know the rules or if there are any rules to death. Only the oldest of the dead will know of its laws and we all know that dead men tell no tales.
So when Tommy wakes in a prison cell, he doesn’t know what’s happening. Dream tells him he was revived but Tommy isn’t sure if he is alive or dead.
Because how do you know that you’re dead?
Well, that’s easy, Tommy thinks. He remembers getting beaten to death, and then nothing. A complete void, similar to the ones where you die except this time there is no respawn button to press.
And then later on he meets Wilbur, unhinged as the day he died. If he tries to look, he’ll see flickers of Schlatt and MD.
Tommy is dead, this is a fact that he comes to terms with over the past few weeks.
And in the other end of the spectrum, how do you know you’re alive?
It should be an easy answer, I mean Tommy had experience being alive for 16 years for Prime’s sake. The way the air courses through his lungs, the way heat wavers all around him, the way he feels an ache all over his body, the way his heart is literally pounding against his chest. All should be signs that he is alive.
And yet right now he’s not sure.
After all, death is your own personal hell.
Tommy. Always running, always reaching for the skies, is grounded. Never to see, never to touch, stumbling around in the dark; like his claustrophobia except a hundred times worse.
Wilbur. Always staring at maps for hours on end, always yearning for freedom and adventure like their father. Stuck in a train station. Trains come and go but will never stop for him, he will never get anywhere.
Schlatt. Tommy remembers Wilbur mentioning a gym or something but he’s not sure. He guesses he’s forced to keep working and working after his laissez-faire lifestyle.
MD. None of them knows what his hell is like. All Tommy knows is that MD is one of the happiest and cheery people he knows, and now all he sees is a hollow soul.
So yes, Tommy’s not sure if he’s alive or not.
Because what if his hell, his void turned into the prison. He definitely thinks being stuck in prison with Dream is a worse hell than playing solitaire in the dark with Wilbur.
And maybe Dream being here should be his proof that he is alive. After all, he is sure that Dream is not dead and therefore could not be in limbo.
But is he really sure though? It’s been two months and Dream only has one life left, someone could have easily killed him. Maybe someone finally thought he was worth fighting for, and took revenge for him.
He doesn’t want to ask Dream, all he does is lie and Tommy doesn’t want to talk to him and get his mind fucked all over again.
And maybe it isn’t even that, what if even if you’ve only died once you’ll be stuck in hell? Maybe Dream is alive back in the real world still with his one life but pieces of his soul from his previous deaths are stuck in hell.
Maybe… Tommy doesn’t know, again death doesn’t come with a rule book.
They all say that he’s alive but he doesn’t trust a single one of them. Liars, everyone is.
Dream is his friend. Sam is supposed to protect him. Tubbo said it would always be them against the world. Wilbur promised him a home. Phil convinced him with whispers of family.
Liars
So even when he steps out of the prison and feel the wind hug him, or feel the sunlight shower him, he still thinks he’s dead.
So even when Ranboo has to coax him gently to their mansion and he can feel the extreme temperature nip at his skin, he still thinks he’s dead.
So even, when there is none of the numbness in hell, even when he overwhelmingly feels just so so much, he still thinks he’s dead.
He cries, his sobs echoing throughout the mansion. He wants to be alive so badly. Hell sucks, Wilbur sucks, being dead sucks. But it doesn’t even matter, because he can’t even have the luxury of feeling alive.
He still thinks he’s dead.
Tommy wants to trust them, to believe that he is back and alive. But he can’t, at least not without proof. What would his proof be? What is something that will never end up in hell? What is something that will never die?
‘That’s it'
He needs to find Technoblade.