Chapter Text
“Alexandra, a word.”
That’s always a great start to an enjoyable conversation, Alex thinks, but she sighs and follows Liz into her office.
“Petrovsky’s lying.”
“What?”
“I don’t know what she said I did but I have been very polite, bordering on overly polite.”
“This isn’t about Petrovsky, and you’re not in trouble.”
“Okay.”
“You need to take a vacation.”
“Why?”
“You’ve amassed quite a few vacation days, and frankly, I just think you need a break.”
“I’m fine.”
“Alex.”
“I’m fine, seriously.”
“When was the last time you took a vacation?”
“Do suspensions count?”
“No.”
“Fine. About a year after I joined the DA’s office.”
“That’s what I thought. Human beings are not supposed to work for so long without a break.”
“I have breaks. They’re called weekends.”
“You’re here most weekends.”
She has a point there, Alex must concede.
“I don’t need a break.”
“I just want you to have some time to relax.”
“I have anxiety. I don’t relax. I’m anxious here, I’ll be anxious there.”
“At least you’ll have a change of scenery.”
“Liz-”
“If you don’t start taking paid vacation days, you’re going to forfeit them. That means missing out on free money.”
“Where would I even go?”
“I don’t know. It’s cold out. Go somewhere warm.”
“What about my open cases?”
“Your last trial is in a week.”
“And by then there will be more cases.”
“No, there won’t be. I spoke to Cragen, he has similar issues and has given half his detectives some time off to recharge as well. There will be maybe one or two cases that come in for the people that do stay, and a junior ADA can definitely handle that. The entire American system of justice won’t collapse just because you took a vacation.”
“But-”
“Alex. You need it. Your record is amazing right now, yes, but you can’t keep the pace you’ve been going at forever. Eventually you’re going to hit a wall. You need to rest. Remind yourself that there’s more to life than just filing motions and giving statements.”
“I know that. You’re not doing a favor by messing with my personal life.”
“Look, if you don’t do this, I’m reporting you to the union.”
“Why?”
“Because if I don't, someone else will and it will be my fault, and I’ll get in trouble. Don’t do it for yourself, do it for me, and how I would very much like to collect my full pension.”
“Fine.” Alex turns to leave, inwardly fuming and very much confused about where she would go from here.
Wherever she will go, she’ll go by herself. Rafael has to work, and none of her colleagues are close enough to her that she could see them as vacation companions. And she had long ago promised herself there would be no more family vacations.
At least that means she’ll be able to make all the arrangements.
She will go somewhere warm. Rent a nice room in a hotel on the beach. She can pick food that isn’t scrambled together in a hurry so she doesn’t pass out from not getting enough calories. She could drink things because they taste good instead of just to keep her going to get her to stop thinking for a moment.
She books a room in Florida right off the Gulf of Mexico, the resort seems more geared towards adults so she doubts there will be too many screaming children. And the view of the beach looks excellent.
Maybe Donnelly is right. Maybe this could be good.
Reading on the beach sounds lovely, the local ice cream shop she found sounds lovely.
Maybe, she thinks, as she folds her favorite bikini into her suitcase, she can find some company.
Obviously whatever will happen will be strictly temporary, as she lives in New York and everyone staying at the resort will be from all over the country. But it could be a distraction.
A distraction from brown eyes and a warm smile and the prettiest laugh known to humankind.
When she really reflects on it, she’s created a figurative chastity belt for herself with her crush on Olivia Benson. It’s doomed to go nowhere, and yet, seeing her every day in New York, she feels compelled to work out more and more mental plans. Maybe not being around the best person ever created will allow Alex to find some closure. Closure in the form of a nice woman, probably from some midwest state, who will help Alex enjoy her vacation and boost her ego.
Not that her ego needs boosting.
Much.
She likes the way she looks, knows a lot of other people agree with her, so she isn’t insecure. But Olivia hasn’t asked her out yet after two years of working together and a year and a half of Alex being in love with her, even though Rafael told her she was being obvious. So logic would suggest that there’s something else about Alex that is holding Olivia back. Or, if she’s being kind to herself, something that Olivia thinks is wrong with Olivia.
Which is ridiculous.
But stranger things have happened.
The point is, she clarifies to herself to stop her train of thought from derailing off a cliff, that a short fling with someone pretty will help her clear her mind. Provide a reminder that her life isn’t just about Olivia.
Donnelly had said the trip would help her realize her life wasn’t her work. But Alex already knows that. Her life is two things: work, and the big smiles Olivia gives her whenever she walks into the precinct.
She wins her final trial easily, and when she returns to her apartment she finishes her packing, double checks that she’s taken everything she needs, and finally accepts that Donnelly did her a solid.
This is a decent chance to expand her horizons.
---
Alex might have to accept that Donnelly is always right.
She hates that.
But she does love the beach. The sand is not quite white, but far from the dark brown sludge she associates with New York beaches. The air smells like salt and the kelp bunches the tides push to the beach. It’s not the most pleasant smell, but it does remind Alex of when her family used to vacation in Hawai’i, before everything got complicated. Before she even knew to be anxious about the impending complications. All in all, it relaxes her. She closes her eyes, times her breaths with the sounds of waves crashing, and forces herself not to think about work.
It’s a beautiful day.
She hasn’t had to yell at anyone.
The sand sifts between her toes and gives her the sudden childish instinct to build a sand castle. She doesn’t plan to move, not when she’s finally captured a moment of serenity, but she does plan out the castle in her mind. She would have to find a way of collecting water to make the sand into mud. She would have to rent a bucket and shovel, but once logistics are out of the way… what castle will she build? She remembers a Scottish castle she saw during a semester abroad in the United Kingdom for an international relations class. That should be simple enough. Assuming the base would be no larger than her towel, the turrets wouldn’t need to be more than 10 inches, maybe she can repurpose some kelp for flags…
“Excuse me, miss?”
Alex sighs to herself, not wanting to open her eyes and lose her whimsical train of thought.
“Excuse me, miss?”
“Do you need something?” The man she’s faced with when she finally opens her eyes is exactly who she expected, about her age, with two friends behind him. No shirt, a poorly done tribal tattoo on his arm, and teeth so sparkly white she could bet her entire career that his parents both earn seven figures.
“I just wanted to tell you, if you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple,” the man says, and his buddies high five behind him.
“Thank you for the compliment, but I’m not interested,” Alex says coolly. Trying not to get worried. There are three of them. Taller and stronger than her. On a not very crowded beach. Maybe if she doesn’t move they’ll think she’s just tired.
“Oh come on, Brad here’s great company,” says one of the friends, wearing a baseball cap with a beer stein on it.
“I don’t doubt that, I just am not looking for a relationship.”
“Neither am I,” Brad supplies, winking.
“I’m gay,” Alex says, firmly and truthfully. Brad furrows his eyebrows for a minute but then continues to smirk.
“Give me an hour, I bet I can fix that.” Alex sits up finally, glaring.
“Please leave me alone.”
“Brad’s had a really bad week,” the second friend chimes in. “At least meet us for a drink.”
“No thank you.”
“We’ll order from here then,” Brad decides, sitting down next to Alex. “Why don’t you tell me your name?”
“Lee.”
“Really?”
“Lee V’mealone.” Alex smirks as Brad mouths the name a few times before he deciphers the message.
“I’m tryna be a gentleman,” Brad complains. “But if you’re going to be a bitch about it.” Alex’s fear spikes again so she tries to stand up, but she quickly feels a hand on her shoulder, pushing her back down.
“Get your hands off of me,” she hisses.
“Is everything okay over here?” Alex hears from behind her, and she almost cries with relief.
“My girlfriend’s being hysterical,” Brad claims, and Alex scoffs.
“I don’t know this man, he won’t leave me alone.” Her savior is still obscured, partially by Brad’s body, but she figures it must be a lifeguard.
“Sir I’m going to have to insist you leave.”
The voice sounds pretty familiar. But that’s probably because of the circumstances.
“No need to be such a cunt,” Brad huffs, but he does get up and walk away. Alex faces the woman who came to her rescue as she stands, but once she sees her she almost falls down again.
“Olivia?” It can’t be, but it is. Here on this beach, multiple states away, is Olivia Benson.
“Alex?”
“What are you doing here?” Alex asks, feeling happy, but also slightly embarrassed Olivia had to rescue her like that.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.”
“Donnelly ordered me to go on vacation. She thinks I’ll get burnt out. Despite the fact that burn out probably feels more pleasant than my anxiety.”
“Cragen said the same thing. To me and Elliot both. They visit this place a lot, he offered to invite me.”
“How sweet of him,” Alex remarks, only half sarcastically.
“Well I didn’t have any other ideas.”
“Fair enough.”
“You know, he and Kathy took the kids to the resort’s pool. They'll probably be there for the rest of the day.”
“God, I’m so glad I don’t have kids,” Alex sighs before she can catch herself. “I mean, I’m open to having them eventually, but right now would just be a mess.” She has no idea why she mentions this. Wait, that’s a lie. She brought it up because she knows that Olivia wants kids. And she’s pathetic.
“Good to know,” Olivia says with an amused smile. “I mentioned it because I have some time to myself, and I thought maybe you’d want to do something.”
“What’d you have in mind?”
“What do you want to do?”
Alex smiles, and decides to go with the flow for once in her damn life.
"Surprise me."