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Steve wasn’t really sure how he had managed to get into this conversation with Danny, but he was really wishing he had steered clear of any topic relating to the future if this was the conversation they were going to have.
“Are you listening to me, Steven?” Danny yelled, hands flying around in the air, face red and puffed up.
Steve nodded his head, “Yes, Danny, I’m listening to you.”
“Then what was the last thing I just said?”
“You said that you weren’t going to stay like this forever.”
“Uh huh, and when I said ‘like this’ what did I mean?”
“Well, see that’s where you lost me because I’m not really quite sure how we got here from me asking if you thought it would be a good idea for our family to go on a vacation this summer.”
“You don’t…you don’t understand…” Danny was spluttering nonsense as he stared wild-eyed at Steve. “How is it that your Annapolis-educated brain can’t comprehend what I’m saying?”
“Because it’s eleven o’clock at night after we’ve been up since four in the morning chasing bad guys around Oahu, and I’m tired and I’m having trouble translating Danno-speak.”
“Danno-speak, there is no such thing as Danno-speak, just because I speak English and you speak in some weird acronym-infested Army code half the time and the other half you speak in surfer-slang does not mean I’m speaking some foreign language.”
As Steve watched Danny huff, cross his arms and pull the covers farther onto his side of the bed, successfully uncovering Steve’s bottom half, he couldn’t help but laugh. Danny wasn’t angry, just building himself up into a rant of monstrous proportions. If Steve took the time to really think about it, people outside their close-knit circle of friends and family would probably think they were miserable together and did nothing but argue, but this was just how they communicated. Nothing was ever said in spite or in hate, they just enjoyed communicating loudly. They’d been living together for almost a year and had been partners for almost two; it was easy for Steve to discern ranting Danny from honest-to-god angry Danny, and right now Danny was just ranting in a sleep-deprived state of delirium.
“Danny, please just explain to me what you mean by ‘stay like this forever’.”
“Fine, I will explain it, again. I said that I don’t want to stay like this forever,” he gestured between the two of them.
“You don’t want to be together?”
“No, I want to be together forever, just not like this,” Danny punctuated the last two words with sharp slices of his hands through the air.
“In the same bed?”
Danny sighed in annoyance and ran a hand through his blonde hair, “No, I don’t want it to be like this forever.” He waved his hands around in a circle above his head, gesturing apparently about their house.
“Danny, I honestly have no idea what you are talking about. You say you don’t want to be like this forever. You don’t want to live here? You want to see other people? What is it that you want exactly?”
“You are so dense it’s not even funny.”
“Danny you aren’t making any sense. This has nothing to do with my intelligence.”
“Okay, pretend that we are having this exact same conversation, but pretend that I’m a girl.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Steven, just humor me.”
Steve wasn’t quite sure where Danny was going with this little exercise, but his tired mind just wanted to sleep and knew it wouldn’t be getting any opportunity for sleep until this conversation was over, “Okay, you’re a girl and we are having this conversation, in my bed.”
“Yes, and I’m saying that I don’t want to be like this forever. What do you think I mean, between the lines?”
Steve thought back to all of the interactions he’d had with women, to think about what Danny could possibly be trying to get at. Unfortunately he hadn’t really been in many long-term relationships with any women, and Steve was pretty sure that whatever Danny was getting at had to be about some sort of long-term relationship issue. Thinking back to the only woman he dated seriously, Gwen, someone he doesn’t like to think about all that often, but who he would think about for Danny, he went through all sorts of conversations they had about their future. Baby, apartment, cross-country move, infant car seats, deployment, breast milk versus formula, marriage…Oh, now Steve knew where Danny was going with this.
“You want to get married.”
“Yes, Steven, I think it’s important for us to make a commitment to each other.”
“But, Danny,” Steve said sheepishly, “we can’t actually get married.”
“Well, yeah I know it wouldn’t be a legally recognized marriage or anything, but I think it would be nice for us to make a commitment to each other in front of our friends and family.”
“No, Danny, I meant that I can’t get married or make a commitment to you. I know that we forget sometimes that 5-0 isn’t my only job; I’m still in the Navy and if I don’t want to be disgraced and discharged, we can’t let people outside our very small circle of friends and family know about us.”
Danny’s chest deflated, and Steve felt Danny’s heat leave the side of his body as he turned his back towards Steve, “Oh, yeah. I forgot about the Navy. Stupid suggestion, good night.”
And with that Danny turned out the light, effectively stalling the conversation.
Steve lay in bed for a long time after Danny had turned out the light and his breaths became even with sleep. A long time ago, even before he met Danny, Steve had resigned himself to never getting married. Steve was bi, sure, but after the debacle with Gwen it became very clear to Steve that he was much more attracted to men, and because of that he just acquiesced himself to being a single father, a lifer in the service, and spending time with a random guy every now and again, no strings attached. He wouldn’t let himself think about marriage and commitment because it is what he wanted, but knew it was impossible if he wanted to continue to serve his country.
When he met Danny things had changed. He had the opportunity to transfer to the reserves, spend time being the father he wanted to be, and could carry on a relationship with a man and keep it a secret much easier than if he was serving on active duty. Everything with Danny up until this point had been great; their relationship had moved from strangers, to work partners, to friends, to lovers pretty seamlessly, a testament to the deep-seated bond they shared. They dated, they moved in together, and now they were living under the same roof with Avery in her own room and Grace visiting on the weekends. Steve was happy, settled and he had the family he always wanted. He honestly hadn’t thought about a next step, a bigger commitment. He had decided marriage would never be for him and pushed it out of his mind a long time ago.
But now, now that Danny’s admitted to wanting it, to wanting a real commitment, to standing up in front of their family and friends and promising to love, cherish, and honor each other until death do they part, Steve wants it too. The want and desire he felt many, many years ago for a family, a committed relationship began to creep back up into his chest, grab at his heart, and hold it in a vise grip.
Steve knew Danny was upset, disappointed that apparently Steve didn’t want the things he wanted. But it wasn’t true, Steve wanted them, too. Now he just had to figure out a way to show Danny that.
Steve was going to have to do something he never thought he would ever actually have to do.
In order to keep Danny forever, Steve was going to have to propose.
*H50*
The next day Danny didn’t talk to Steve past the absolute necessary conversations: who was picking up Avery, they needed to pick up milk at the store, and Grace had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon that one of them should go to with Rachel. Steve wasn’t a huge fan of pod-person Danny, but he knew it was his own fault that Danny-disguised-as-a-robot was his housemate at the moment.
The knowledge that he was going to make it better helped Steve get through the morning, and after a busy Five-0 day that involved a much-loved Danny rant on proper police procedure, Danny had seemed to move on from his pod-person funk by the time they made it home for dinner.
Steve didn’t forget about it though, and made it his personal mission to remind Danny on a daily basis how much he loved him, cared for him, and how much he needed him in his life. While Steve was making sure to remind Danny of the important place he held in his life, Steve was scheming with two expert schemers on how to make the proposal magical – Avery and Grace.
If there was one thing in his life that meant more than anything to Danny it was his family and Steve was determined to make this moment a special moment for their family.
So Steve, Grace, and Avery had put their heads together one afternoon when Danny went into the office to catch up on some paperwork. Grace’s first idea was to have rose petals everywhere. Steve decided that probably wasn’t something Danny would love. Grace agreed and said they should definitely not involve sand at all. Steve took that request to heart and thought about the places that had been meaningful in their relationship: the garage where they met for the first time, Five-0, the petroglyphs, and their house.
Avery suggested he buy a ring for Danny because ‘Dad, the princess always gets a sparkly ring’, but Steve thought Danny would hit him if he actually presented him with an engagement ring, saying ‘I’m not the girl in this relationship, Steven’. When Steve told the girls that he didn’t think he would get anything, they adamantly disagreed, saying that Steve had to give Danno something!
So that was why, the following weekend, Grace and Avery had dragged him out to the mall in search of the perfect gift.
“Girls, I really don’t think that Danno will want a My Little Pony no matter how much you guys say he likes horses.”
“But, Uncle Steve, Danno and I used to go ride horses all the time in New Jersey.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
Grace nodded, “Mmhmm, he took me to a small barn in the next town over and I would get to ride on a pony and the trainer would hold onto a rope so I wouldn’t fall, and sometimes the trainer would get Danno a horse and we’d ride together on this little trail behind the barn. It was so much fun! And Danno really loved it too.”
Grace’s story gave Steve an idea. Finally, after so much hemming and hawing, Steve finally figured out how he was going to propose to Danny. Excited that the plan finally took form, Steve ushered the girls inside and bought Grace the My Little Pony. After two more purchases, a few phone calls, and a pinky-swear, cross-my-heart, hope-to-die promise from both girls, Steve was ready to spend the rest of his life with Danny.
*H50*
Two weeks later, Steve, after checking with the governor, mandated a weekend off for Five-0. Chin and Kono may have been a little suspicious when Steve reminded them again and again not to think about calling or texting him because they were supposed to spend time relaxing, there will be NO cases, but Steve decided to ignore it for now since it seemed that Danny was still oblivious.
Saturday morning dawned bright and early, and Steve snuck out of bed to get in an early swim. He was already starting to get nervous, and he knew that Danny would be able to read right through him if he didn’t get his act together. A bruising workout in the surf did wonders on calming his psyche, so after he made it back to the beach he toweled off and went inside to make coffee, hoping to surprise Danny with coffee and malasadas in bed.
“Mm, what do I owe the pleasure of breakfast in bed,” Danny asked.
“Just thought I’d let you sleep since it’s our first full weekend off in awhile.” Steve kissed him good morning and settled in under the covers next to Danny and sipped at his own coffee.
“Do you want one?” Danny offered.
Steve was about to shake his head when a screech from the doorway interrupted him, “I want one Danno, please can I eat breakfast in your big bed, too!”
Both men laughed and scooted over so that there was just enough room between the two of them. Danny handed Avery a sugar-covered malasada and wrapped the covers around her legs, “Here you go, munchkin. Hope it’s yummy!”
Steve smiled as Avery and Danny talked about the wonders of malasadas and breakfast in bed. Avery’s “surprise” entrance was not really a surprise, but rather a calculated beginning to their morning. Soon Avery will be implementing the next part of their plan, Operation: Our Favorite Things to do with Danno.
“Danno, do you remember that time you taught me how to make pizza?”
“Yes, I do.” Danny smiled down at the small girl beside him, ruffling her sleep-knotted hair.
“Can you teach me how to make another one of your favorite foods from New Jersey?”
“Sure, Aves, we can make lasagna; Nonna Williams has the best recipe for lasagna, and I would love to teach you how to make it.”
Avery giggled and hugged Danny before hopping down off the bed, “Thanks for breakfast Danno. I’ll be down in the kitchen soon to start cooking!”
“Maybe in an hour, Avery, we don’t want the lasagna to finish before lunch time.”
“Okay, Daddy, can you help me brush my teeth?”
“Sure thing, sweet pea,” Steve said as he and Danny shared one last sugar-coated kiss, “You take the shower first and I’ll get her ready.”
“Play clothes, Steven; we’re going to be squeezing tomatoes with our hands, and tomato insides are bound to get everywhere.”
“Play clothes it is then. C’mon, Avery.”
Steve’s plan was going flawlessly, and as soon as they made it out into the hallway the father-daughter pair shared a silent high-five and made their way to Avery’s room to get her ready for her favorite thing to do with Danno: cook.
*H50*
“Squish the tomato pieces until they’re chunky and even softer than they are now, okay?”
Steve watched Avery nod at Danny’s instructions and bent down, tip of her tongue sticking out between her lips, as she concentrated on squeezing every last piece of tomato Steve had chopped and scraped into the bowl. By the time that step was done Danny, Steve, and Avery were covered in red liquid and laughing like hyenas.
“What’s next, Danno?”
“We put the tomatoes in a pot and then let them stew for an hour. After that we cook up some ground beef and then we put it all together in a pan and cook it in the oven.”
“Okay, so what are we going to do for an hour?”
Danny laughed, “We’re going to clean up the mess we’ve made.”
Reluctantly Avery joined Danny at the sink and helped him wash all the dishes while Steve wiped down the counters, cabinets, and every other nook and cranny Avery had managed to get tomato in.
An hour and a half later the lasagna was made and in the oven. Avery went upstairs to change while Steve and Danny finished the last of the dishes.
“This was a good morning,” Danny said, leaning against Steve as he scrubbed the last of the dishes.
“Yeah, it was.”
“I wonder what compelled Avery to want to cook.”
“I don’t know, but she talks all the time about how she loves cooking with you.”
“She’s a wonderful sous chef.”
“Of course I am Danno,” Avery yelled from the doorway as she bounded towards the two men, hugging both around their waists, “What’s a sous chef?”
“It’s the chef’s helper.”
“Oh, well then I guess I am a sous chef!”
“Yes, you are. Now are you ready to take our creation out of the oven?”
“Ya, ya, ya!”
Danny took the hot dish out of the oven and served heaping portions to all three of them. When they sat down at the table Avery pulled out a colorfully drawn card and a whisk, “This is for you, Danno. I made it. And the whisk is for you to use when we cook together.”
“Wow, Avery, this is great. You made this card for me? What is it?”
“Silly Danno, you have to open it and see!”
Danny laughed and opened the card, “My favorite thing to do with my Danno is cook yummy food.” On the front of the card Avery had drawn a picture of her in an apron and Danny wearing a tie and chef’s hat huddled around a pot cooking on a stove. On the inside she had written her message and had drawn a pizza, cookies, and cupcakes; three things she and Danny had made together.
“Wow, Avery, this is beautiful. I love it and I love cooking with you too; now we are going to have to bake all the time so we can put my new whisk to good use.”
Steve couldn’t help but notice the blinding smile that was gracing Danny’s face at the moment. It was the most beautiful sight Steve had ever seen.
So far his plan was going off without a hitch. Next up was Grace’s favorite thing to do with Danno.
*H50*
Since Danny had no idea that Steve was planning the proposal, Steve realized that all he had to do was surprise Danny with a visit from Grace, but Steve knew that Grace was going to enjoy her favorite thing to do with Danno just as much as Danny was going to enjoy spending time with her.
Rachel’s driver dropped Grace off soon after they finished lunch, and she ran inside and hugged Danny around the knees, “Surprise, Danno! I was super-sneaky and got to surprise you!”
“Yes, monkey, you were super-sneaky because I had no idea you were coming over.” Danny kneeled down and gave Grace a big hug and kiss, “But my guess is super-SEAL over there had some idea that you were coming.”
Grace blushed a little, “Well I wanted to surprise you and Mommy always tells me that I have to ask permission from an adult to go over someone’s house so that I don’t show up and no one is there.”
“Well, this is a wonderful surprise. Avery’s upstairs putting her shoes on because I guess we are going somewhere that’s also a surprise.”
“Yup, I’ll go up and say ‘hi’ to her!”
Grace ran up the stairs as fast as her little feet would carry her, and Danny turned towards Steve, “I’m beginning to think something is going on. First, I get breakfast in bed, and then I get to cook with one of my favorite people in the whole world, and now I get a surprise visit from my daughter. Don’t lie to me Steven, what’s going on?”
“Danny, the girls and I just wanted to do something special for your day off because we love you. Now quit complaining or this is the last nice thing I ever do for you.”
“Fine, but don’t think I’m not on to you; I know that you’re just doing this because you want to get some.”
Steve laughed, silently thinking about how he wanted that and so much more. “Sure, Danny, I’ve spent all of this energy planning a special weekend off just so I could get some, even though I get some on almost a daily basis.”
Danny, not missing an ounce of the sarcasm, responded, “Well I’m nothing if not a great detective.”
“Love you, Danno.”
“Love you, too, Steve.”
Grace and Avery came downstairs a few minutes later and pulled both men out to the car. Danny became even more suspicious when Steve opened up the door to the truck; they usually took Danny’s Camaro everywhere, but, luckily for Steve, he shrugged it off and hopped in.
They got to the small barn that Steve found over by the North Shore twenty minutes later and both girls leaped out of the truck cab and ran towards the pen that was holding two grazing horses.
“What are we doing at a barn?”
“For that answer you will have to ask Gracie,” Steve replied. The men walked side-by-side towards the two girls who were trying to climb the fence to pet the horses.
Steve moved forward, pulling both girls off the first railing, and placing their feet firmly back on the ground, “Nice try, but I don’t think so.”
“Gracie, why are we at a barn?”
“Because I wanted to ride horses like we used to in New Jersey.”
“Oh, did you tell Uncle Steve that we used to ride horses in New Jersey?”
“Well, I told him I missed doing it and he said he would find a place here in Hawaii for us to go.”
Danny looked over at Steve, “You are seriously too much; you know that, right?”
Steve smirked at his partner and put his arm around his shoulders, pulling him in against his chest. “I did it just you for you, babe.”
“Thanks.”
The owner of the barn met them a few minutes later and brought them around back to where four horses were tied, waiting for the family to arrive. Two stable hands held the ponies by a rope while they guided the two girls down the path, Steve and Danny riding their own horses a few paces back. All four riders spent the rest of the afternoon laughing, smiling, and joking around as they walked along a mountain path that took them right to the edge of the ocean, which even Danny admitted, was really beautiful.
They made it back to the truck just as their stomachs began to rumble. Grace pulled out her own homemade card and the My Little Pony she bought at the mall, “These are for you, Danno, so that you can always remember my favorite thing to do with you.”
Danny opened the card that had a picture of a horse, a short blonde man, and a little girl with pigtails on the front, and read the inside message, “My favorite thing to do with my Danno is ride horses.”
“Gracie, this is beautiful. I’m going to put this card right next to the one Avery made me. You girls are spoiling me rotten today.”
The two girls grinned and Steve helped them step into the truck and buckle up, Danny stunned speechless with the gestures of his two favorite little girls.
“So what’s next on the agenda,” Danny asked as Steve pulled out of the parking lot.
“Sleepover,” Avery yelled from the backseat, “I’m sleeping over Gracie’s house.”
Danny cocked an eyebrow at Steve.
“What, I thought you had already determined why I did this, so wouldn’t it make sense I’d want to pawn the girls off for the night?”
Danny laughed, and the girls who had no idea what their fathers were talking about, laughed too because that just seemed like the right thing to do.
*H50*
The two girls waved goodbye from Rachel’s doorway as Steve put the truck in reverse and backed out, waving one last time.
“So, really, Steve, can you please just tell me what’s going on.”
“Danny, nothing is going on; we just wanted to spend a nice day together, as a family.”
“I still think you’re hiding something.”
“So, how about a field trip,” Steve asked, changing the subject.
“A field trip?”
“Just trust me, okay?”
After a quick drive, Steve pulled into the Pearl Harbor visiting center parking lot.
“Steve, what are we doing at the U.S.S. Arizona memorial?”
“Because this place means a lot to me, and the last boat leaves in ten minutes, so let’s get going.”
Danny just nodded his head and hopped onto the launch after Steve. They made it to the memorial quickly, and walked around with the few other people who made the journey out in the late afternoon. Danny began to read the names listed on the memorial, “You know, I don’t know where you’re grandfather’s name is.”
“It’s right here,” Steve pointed out, having memorized its location years ago.
Taking a deep breath, Steve put his hand on Danny’s shoulder, guiding him away from the other people standing around. “Danny.”
“Yeah,” Danny turned to look at him, his blonde hair turned golden in the dying sunlight.
“I planned today for a reason because I know how important family is to you. The girls and I wanted to show you how much we love you. They came up with their outings today all on their own because those are two things that remind them so much of you and how much you love them and how much they love you. But, above that, I wanted to show you that we are a family, no matter what people outside our intimate circle think. I can’t begin to put into words how my life, and Avery’s life, changed when you came into it. And I know that it won’t be perfect, and it probably won’t be exactly what you want, but Danno, I want to marry you. I want to stand up in front of our friends and family and promise to love you, honor you, and care for you for the rest of my life. I want to make that commitment with you, even if it’s a commitment we can’t be as open as we want about.”
“Are you proposing, super-SEAL?”
“Yes I am. I know that I hurt you, a few weeks ago when you mentioned marriage and I said we couldn’t because of the Navy. That’s why I brought you here. Being in the Navy is a big part of my life, a part of my identity that I’m not willing to give up. But, I’m not willing to give you up either. I want you to know that I’ve always wanted to get married, but a long time ago when everything went to shit and I realized that I liked guys a whole lot more than girls I decided that marriage would never happen for me, not if I wanted to serve my country. I resigned to being the best SEAL, best dad, and best man I could be, even if I couldn’t have everything I wanted. Then you came into my life and I had the opportunity to enter the reserves and everything I always wanted but never thought I would get fell in my lap. Danny, I don’t care if we can’t tell anyone but our family and our friends, and if it can’t be legal or recognized; I want to marry you. Will you please marry me?”
“Of course I’ll marry you, Steven, all you had to do was ask.”
Steve couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his mouth as he bent down and kissed Danny, his arms wrapping around the smaller man that would soon be his forever. “Oh, I got something for you too. The girls kept telling me I’m supposed to get a ring, but I didn’t think you would like that. So, instead, I had these made.”
He pulled out a silver chain from his pocket, a pair of dog tags hanging from them, “These are my old tags from Annapolis. I have to wear different ones in the SEALs because these have too much identifying information. But, I had the back engraved with your name, in the place that next of kin would be placed. I know it’s not much, and I know that it’s still not something that the Navy can know, but I want you to know that you mean everything to me, Danny.”
“Steve, they’re perfect. I love you.”
Steve, having talked more about his feelings than he probably ever had in his whole life, was at a loss for words so instead he pulled Danny into another blinding kiss and smiled at the fact that this would be his life, forever.