Work Text:
Shikamaru had once seen a mother bear defend her cubs against two hapless young shinobi who had accidentally crossed the path the babies were wandering on. He had been walking with his father along the outskirts of the forest when it had happened, and he still remembered the absolute carnage left behind.
His father, in his wise and nonchalant way, had told him, “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a bear protecting her cubs.”
For once in his life and death (May he rest in peace), Shikaku was wrong.
Because there was apparently at least one thing more dangerous than a mother bear.
One thing even more violent and destructive.
One thing more volatile and deadly.
And, interestingly, Shikamaru had married her.
“Even if there are still people who don’t approve, there isn’t much they can do about it,” Temari pointed out, glaring across breakfast at Gaara and Kankuro. “It’s been years. They can untwist their panties and go about their lives as normal.”
“It seemed fair to warn you,” Gaara said calmly. “Since you won’t be with Shikadai all the time, I wanted to make sure we had enough security around to keep him safe.”
“Anyone even touches a hair on my baby and I’ll eviscerate them on the spot.”
“I don’t doubt that.” Gaara sent a glance towards the baby in question, who was drooling onto Shikamaru’s shoulder after waking up just long enough to blink good morning. “But be aware that there have been rumours going about that those who did not approve of you leaving the village to be with Shikamaru are going to do something. And Shikadai is the easiest target.”
Shikamaru had not heard much of this conversation. Mornings in Suna were far too early for him and, like his son, he had greeted everyone, and was now sitting at the breakfast table struggling to remain awake. Sure, a threat to his child’s safety should have been enough to wake him up, but he had Gaara, Kankuro and Temari all looking out for him, so really, where was the danger?
“Shikamaru will be with him if I’m not,” Temari added. She glanced to her left to check on said husband whose eyes had remained closed for the last five minutes. “Shikadai is going to be fine.”
“And you have been forewarned,” Gaara sounded satisfied. “To be honest, if we could flush out those last few conspirators it will be helpful.”
“You’re not using my baby as bait,” Temari snapped, reaching over to pick Shikadai up and place him on her lap. She used her other hand to push Shikamaru’s plate further up the table. Not even a second later Shikamaru faceplanted in the newly vacated space.
Kankuro pointed. “What?”
“Early morning,” Temari explained.
“It’s five thirty.” Kankuro was puzzled. “Four is an early morning.”
“For Shikamaru, five is practically the night before.” She adjusted Shikadai comfortably in her grip. “He’ll wake up properly in a few hours.”
“Well, I’ve got to get going,” Kankuro stood up. “I’m taking the Mini Nara out tonight so don’t make plans.”
“Okay,” Temari shrugged. “I’m spending this morning with Matsuri and a few other friends.”
“I’ll take Shikadai,” Gaara said, fighting hard not to sound too eager.
“Shikamaru can watch him. You’ll be busy.”
Shikamaru took that moment to snore loudly into the tablecloth, and Gaara threw her a pleading look.
Temari sighed. “Fine. Here.” She handed her sleeping child over the table, and Gaara snatched him up smugly. “Try not to let him sleep the whole day. And make sure he drinks enough, he’s not used to the heat.”
“We’ll be fine,” Gaara said, fussing with Shikadai’s wispy hair. “You have nothing to worry about.”
The house was completely silent when Shikamaru woke up, and absent of any family members. Including his baby. He sat up, wondering why he was asleep at the kitchen table, but choosing not to dwell on it, since he didn’t know where his family had wandered off to.
He searched the house thoroughly, then tried the nearest training grounds, before making his way to the Kazekage building. The two guards outside Gaara’s office nodded primly.
Shikamaru returned the nod, reaching out a hand to knock on the door.
He was intercepted, the closer guard blocking his arm.
“Lord Kazekage is in an important meeting,” the door guard said firmly. “He is not to be interrupted.”
“Meeting with whom?” Shikamaru asked, taking a step back.
The guards exchanged glances. They seemed perplexed and unsure of what to say next. The second one volunteered, in a much quieter voice, “Lord Kazekage is in an important meeting. He is not to be interrupted.”
People were not this anal back home. Shikamaru took in a deep breath. “Okay. Then do either of you know where Temari or Shikadai are?”
More glances exchanged. There was a pause, then the first one began again, “Lord Kazekage-“
“I don’t need to hear it a third time,” Shikamaru cut in. “Look, I’m going in there. If anyone asks, just say I forced you to let me in. You won’t get in trouble.”
“With all due respect,” the first guard said. “What makes you think you would be capable of making us do anything?”
Oh, so that attitude problem was a Suna thing, and not exclusively a Kazekage-family thing. Shikamaru barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. In lieu of a verbal reply, he snapped his shadow out to both guards, neatly trapping them and forcing them to sidestep away from the door. He stepped between them, opening the doors. “Probably that.”
Without a glance backwards, he entered the Kazekage chambers, releasing his shadows as the doors closed behind him.
And then he stood blinking. “What the hell are you doing?”
Gaara’s head snapped up. “I thought I said no one was allowed in.”
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. “I was looking for my wife and son. I’ve found one of them.”
Shikadai was sitting firmly and proudly on Gaara’s lap, armed with the glittery gold Suna seal. He was focusing on the desk, and, with both hands firmly gripping the handle, brought the seal down on a piece of paper with a soft thud. “Stamp!”
“He’s helping me,” Gaara defended. He slid the paper aside to reveal another one, which Shikadai happily “Stamp!”ed as well.
“Pretty sure that’s illegal,” Shikamaru pointed out. He paused, fully taking in the scene before him. “Is he . . . wearing your Kazekage robe . . .?”
Shikadai seemed unphased at being swaddled in cloth, little arms only just peeping out the sleeves that bunched up almost to the point of restricting motion entirely. “Stamp!”
Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose. “Gaara, he’s not a toy-“
“He’s practicing,” Gaara defended. “For being Kazekage.”
“He isn’t going to be Kazekage.”
“Stamp!”
“He might be, one day.”
“No, he’ll be the head of the Nara clan.”
“Stamp!”
“He still has the option.”
“Get that robe off him before he dies of heat stroke.”
“He’s fine, I’ve been giving him water. And he doesn’t want to take it off.”
Shikadai paused in his avid stamping, glancing up at his father. “Dad!”
“Hey, kid.” Shikamaru sighed.
“He’s staying here,” Gaara said, tightening his grip on the child slightly. Shikadai coughed, and Gaara released him again, looking worried.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes. “Give him back, Gaara.” He reached towards his son, only to be blocked by a sudden wall of sand. “Are you kidding me?”
“Temari said I could have him for the morning,” Gaara defended from behind his sand, for once sounding younger than he was. “I’m not giving him back.”
“You can’t steal my child-“
“I’m keeping him until Temari gets back!” It was a particularly petulant statement, and Shikamaru gave up.
“Okay, fine! But I’m staying here and keeping an eye on you.”
The sand lowered, and Gaara looked at Shikamaru with a guarded expression. Shikadai was chewing absently on the collar of the Kazekage robe.
“Is he hungry?” Gaara asked. “He’s been chewing like that all morning.”
Shikamaru sighed. “When last did he eat something?”
“Does water count? He did throw it back up onto me, but he had some more after that.” Gaara studied Shikadai worriedly. “Temari said he would be fine with us all day, and she left milk for him, and he isn’t crying-“
“Instead of worrying over him,” Shikamaru interrupted. “Give him back to me, I’ll make sure he’s happy, and then you can do your weird obsessing over him later.”
Reluctantly, Gaara peeled Shikadai out of the Kazekage robe, took the seal from him, and handed him back to Shikamaru. “But I still get time with him later, because you cut my Shikadai time short this morning. And Kankuro isn’t allowed him for longer than I have him. And can he sleep in my room tonight?”
“I’m not wrong often,” Shikamaru said, seemingly from random, adjusting Shikadai in his arms. “But you turned out to be the weirder uncle.”
Shikamaru would admit later, he had not been paying attention to his surroundings at all. He had been walking with a hand hovering over Shikadai’s face to block out the sun. Suna was blazing hot at midday, and Shikamaru worried about the child burning, even though Temari, Kankuro and Gaara had all scoffed at him and claimed he wouldn’t burn that easily; he was a Suna baby and he was born to be in the sun.
So it was a bit of a surprise for Shikamaru to be suddenly surrounded by a group of masked, menacing looking Suna shinobi. He stopped walking, cradling Shikadai a bit more protectively against him. The child was starting to doze off, mumbling nonsense under his breath.
“What?” Shikamaru asked flatly. He eyed the shinobi closest to him, who had a handful of shuriken and a kunai at the ready.
“Move and we kill the child,” a voice said ominously from behind him.
Shikamaru had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. Suna shinobi were so dramatic. “Yeah. Okay. I’m not moving.”
“Come with us.”
“And then what?” Shikamaru cocked an eyebrow.
“You’re in no position to bargain.”
He really wasn’t, but it didn’t stop him from trying. “Look, you’ll understand if I’m not open to out of nowhere kidnappings. Especially when I’ve got my son with me. If you’ll let me take him home to his mother, you can kidnap me as much as you want after that.”
“We need the child more than we need you.”
“Then you’re obviously not going to kill him, and you’ve lost your primary means of controlling me,” Shikamaru pointed out. “Why wouldn’t I fight back if I know my kid is going to be fine?” Was this their first day threatening someone?
Shikadai murmured something, almost asleep. Shikamaru was calculating the surface area of his shadow under the midday sun (This damn desert near crippled him for several hours each day, leaving nearly nothing in shadow.) There was no way he could immobilize them all at once.
Cooperating was probably best, since Shikadai was involved.
“I’ll go with you,” Shikamaru said, figuring if they were going to move him somewhere, it would more than likely be indoors, and he would have a lot more shade at his disposal.
His agreement seemed to settle the agitated shinobi around him, and he let out a sigh of relief that they seemed non-violent. He kept Shikadai cradled close, still working through possible escape routes, but unwilling to take more than a highly calculated risk when his son was in danger. Better to cooperate, to learn more, to bide his time.
And the longer he was away from Temari, the more likely she would come looking for him.
And that, really, was his endgame.
Shikamaru had learnt several of Suna’s districts, but the group of shinobi led him and Shikadai outside of his zone of knowledge, so he made a careful study of the route there. It was an abandoned-looking suburb, and they passed very few people, none of whom seemed concerned to see Shikamaru being escorted. Shikadai had finally fallen asleep, and Shikamaru made a deliberate point to walk as slowly as possible, both to keep the child asleep and to waste time. That was twofold – he needed the sun to shift, and he needed Temari to figure out he was missing.
They ushered him into a rundown looking building, with grimy, ragged curtains covering the window, and the place smelled like dust. Shikamaru instantly took note of the windows and the sunlight streaming in, calculating the shadows and the time it took to move them. He decided to stay quiet for now, biding his time and seeing what would unfold.
The shinobi discussed something between themselves, and Shikamaru waited, listening in, before one of them approached abruptly and reached for Shikadai.
Shikadai woke up as he was roughly grabbed out of Shikamaru’s arms.
“Hey,” Shikamaru narrowed his eyes. “You better watch how you handle him. I’ll kill you all if so much as a scratch gets on him.”
Shikadai blinked, kicking and flailing for a minute as he got oriented. Once he realized he was being held, he settled, looking curiously around. He stared at the shinobi holding him.
“Stamp,” Shikadai murmured.
The shinobi shifted, confused.
“New word,” Shikamaru explained wearily. “He’ll be repeating it all day. Why am I here?”
The shinobi holding Shikadai seemed puzzled at the child, and for a moment he just stared at him. Then, he shook his head, and sneered at Shikamaru, “You are here because Suna is not going to stand for you and your mediocre village taking one of our best shinobi away!”
Ah, Shikamaru thought. These were the ones Gaara had spoken about at breakfast. “I didn’t take her away, she chose to be with me, and she chose to move to Konoha.”
“We are not going to allow it – we are fighting back against this travesty.”
“Uh-huh.” Shikamaru sighed. “And you’re planning to . . .?”
“We will hold this child hostage until she agrees to return to Suna, and leave you and Konoha forever. Our demands have already been sent to the Kazekage offices. She will know about our plan within the hour. And then everything will fall into place.”
Shikamaru stared at him. Just stared, unable to comprehend such idiocy. He needed a minute. He needed to sit down. He needed to be somewhere else, where the collective IQ was higher than Shikadai’s age. He paused to digest everything, then shook his head wearily.
“Sorry, let me just repeat that back to you,” Shikamaru rubbed a hand across his face. “You are . . . unhappy that Temari married me and ‘abandoned’ Suna, so to show your displeasure you are retaliating.”
“Yes.”
“I see. So, you’re angry at Temari – Suna’s most powerful Wind user, also known as the cruellest kunoichi – and you thought the best plan would be to kidnap and threaten her only child?”
“Yes.”
“Fair enough. And what exactly do you think is going to happen next?”
“She will listen to our demands, and return to Suna. Or else we will kill the child.”
Shikadai squirmed in the shinobi’s grasp, face scrunching up with displeasure, and said, almost irritated, “Stamp!”
“And me?” Shikamaru asked, raising an eyebrow.
“We will kill you if needed.” The shinobi pointed straight at him, in a move Shikamaru assumed was meant to be intimidating. “You are not important to the plan. You just happened to be with the child.”
“He’s not even a year old,” Shikamaru said. “Did you expect him to be wandering around alone? He can barely walk.”
Shikadai studied the hand in front of his face, and obligingly raised a hand to grip at a large, gloved finger. The shinobi startled, and rapidly held Shikadai out at arms’ length towards his father.
“No, no, no,” Shikamaru shook his head. “You hold him. That way the first thing Temari sees will be a stranger with her child. Be my guest, go ahead, hold him for as long as you like.”
This made the entire room hesitate, as though suddenly realizing how suicidal their plan sounded.
Shikadai fiddled absently with the gloves of the shinobi holding him, happily repeating, “Stamp,” under his breath.
Well, Shikamaru thought. At least his new word is keeping him occupied.
“Where is Shikamaru?” Temari asked absently, entering Gaara’s office. “I haven’t seen him all day.”
“He took Shikadai away,” Gaara explained dully. “And said I wasn’t allowed to play with him anymore.”
“What did you do to my child?” Temari eyed him.
“Nothing. He was helping me,” Gaara gestured vaguely to the papers on his desk. “I was training him to be Kazekage.”
“He’s eleven months old. I can assure you he did not retain any of what you taught him.” Temari looked around the office, as though Shikamaru might be hiding somewhere. “Where would he have gone?”
Gaara shrugged.
“Temari,” Kankuro came through the door, waving a piece of paper. “Message for you.”
“From who?” She took the offered note.
“I dunno. I didn’t read it. It got dropped off at the front.”
Kankuro nodded towards his brother. “Where’s Shikadai? It’s my turn with him.”
“Shikamaru took him away,” Gaara grumbled.
“Ah. Didn’t like you playing Kazekage with him, did he?”
“Do either of you need me?” Temari asked softly, still looking at the note in her hands.
“No. Why?” Gaara asked. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m going out for a while.”
“To do what?” Kankuro asked curiously.
“To kill people.”
“How is Temari meant to find you to talk about your terms?” Shikamaru asked.
Shikadai was safely in his arms again, after pitching a loud screaming fit that seemed to rattle all the assembled Suna shinobi. Shikamaru couldn’t blame them; the kid had his mother’s lungs and could reach impressive volumes. He was occupied now with chewing absently on the collar of Shikamaru’s shirt, and Shikamaru knew they didn’t have long before hunger set in, and Shikadai would be screaming once more.
“We gave her our location,” the shinobi replied, and Shikamaru almost sighed. These were, without a doubt, the dumbest kidnappers he had ever met.
“Smart,” he said. “How will you know if she’s coming? She might just attack.” He was waiting for them to move, because if two more just shifted positions a little, he could trap all of them in his shadow at once.
“She wouldn’t attack when we have her son hostage,” the main shinobi stated confidently.
She’s punched me in the face for holding him wrong, but okay, Shikamaru thought wryly. “I guess we just have to wait then.”
“Yes,” the shinobi agreed gruffly. “And don’t try any funny business.”
“My kid is going to get hungry soon,” Shikamaru said, mostly to see what reaction he could get. “And then he’s going to scream some more.”
He mentally swore when they moved further apart. There went the plan to trap them all at once. If he had been alone, he would have taken the risk, but with Shikadai around it was better to wait and see what happened. And he didn’t want to upset Shikadai, because the last thing he needed was to be kidnapped with a hysterical baby.
“Then we’ll shut him up,” one of the shinobi replied.
Shikadai moved on to chewing on his fingers, and looking around with wide eyes.
Shikamaru sighed. “If there’s even a scratch on him, Temari will kill you without blinking. So if you want to get anything from her resembling cooperation, I’d make sure this is a happy kid.”
“We’ll risk it,” the shinobi replied.
Shikamaru shrugged. “Your funeral.”
It had been a while since Temari travelled top speed across Suna, but she found the skill, fuelled by rage, returned swiftly.
“Temari,” Gaara sprinted after her. “Temari, can you slow down and let me-“
“Oh, fuck off,” she snapped, making a rapid route across the rooftops of Suna. “I don’t give a shit about your protocols.”
“Anbu are on their way-“
“I’m going to kill everyone.”
“You need to stay back and let me handle it – you’re too personally involved –“ He broke off at the absolutely deadly glare she levelled at him, and dropped back a few paces, giving her some space.
“Dude,” Kankuro stayed merrily at Gaara’s side. “You should know better than to get between her and a target when she’s on a rampage.”
“But it’s political, and I need to know who is behind all this-“
“You’ll have plenty of time to figure it out once she’s calmed down,” Kankuro assured.
Gaara sent a worried look after Temari. “I don’t think she’s going to calm down any time soon.”
Kankuro shrugged cheerfully. “Oh, she won’t. But damn, isn’t it going to fun to see what she does?”
“Temari,” Gaara tried again, and when she snarled, “What?” over her shoulder, he chose to stay quiet.
They reached the given location within minutes, and it took Temari mere seconds to assess how many shinobi were outside, and estimate how many were inside.
The group of shinobi turned as one to see who was approaching, and as such were blown apart by one powerful gust of wind, before Temari had even landed on the ground. She didn’t wait for explanations or defences, but immediately swooped in to attack again.
“Temari, leave me one, please, for interrogation-“ Gaara broke off with a sigh. “Just one.”
A sudden terrified scream that degenerated into a death gurgle was his only reply.
He gave up. “Why do I bother? She’ll do what she wants.”
“Best to just sit down and wait for her to finish,” Kankuro sympathized, leaning against a wall and not even bothering to take part. “She won’t take long.”
“But there are protocols,” Gaara sighed. “She knows that.”
He opened his mouth to add more, but snapped it shut as the area around them began shaking. He absently propped a wall up straight with his sand, and Kankuro looked on, amused.
“Temari,” Gaara tried once more, and got a face full of wind for his efforts.
He went to stand next to Kankuro and wait contritely.
Shikamaru would know the sound of Temari’s fan opening anywhere, and he drew Shikadai close to his body, jaw clenching. Oh, she’s gonna be so mad . . .
He was expecting her to break the door down. She liked being dramatic. What he was not expecting was the entire wall to smash inwards. Instantly, he turned his back to the blast, shielding Shikadai, keeping the boy’s face protected against his chest.
Shikamaru braced for impact, holding Shikadai close, and hoping he was not seeing the carnage happening around him. It might be jarring. Even over the rushing wind and the sounds of absolute destruction, he could still hear terrified screaming, and he peeked an eye open just in time to see a severed limb fly past him.
He would have been concerned about Temari’s rampage, if not for the fact that not a single thread of chakra had come near him, so she clearly had her self-control intact. That almost scared him more.
“Mom?” Shikadai chirped. It should be alarming that the building rattling alerted Shikadai to his mother’s presence, but Shikamaru wasn’t going to dwell on it. He waited until the wind settled, before straightening up to face Temari, and wincing at the carnage around him.
“Hey-“ he began.
“You idiot,” she snarled, stalking over.
Shikamaru just stared at her. “I’m sorry? What was I thinking, getting kidnapped by the lunatics who live in this village?”
“Can’t you do one basic thing – keep Shikadai safe – without fucking that up?”
“Yes, clearly all fault lies with me,” he barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Next time someone kidnaps me I’ll demand written permission from my wife.”
“Stop being snarky,” she growled. “Did you hurt him?”
“Why would I hurt him?” Shikamaru gave Shikadai over without question, and shoved his hands in his pockets while Temari muttered under her breath and gave her son a thorough inspection.
“Temari,” Gaara started, just peering into the room. “Are any of them alive?”
“Why the fuck would I leave them alive after touching my son?” she snapped, kicking violently at the nearest body part.
Shikamaru winced as a decapitated head smacked into the wall. He backed up another step.
“Stamp,” Shikadai greeted chirpily.
The additional word in his vocabulary didn’t seem to make Temari calm down any faster. Instead, she turned her glare to Gaara.
“He didn’t stamp anything important,” Gaara said, taking a step back. “Just a few mission reports and one or two letters.”
“No one else is allowed to touch him for the rest of this visit,” Temari snapped. “And he’s not leaving my side.”
“Can I touch him?” Shikamaru asked.
“No,” she growled. She turned away, stomping through the wreckage, throwing Gaara a look as she passed. “Use my baby for bait again and I will kill you next.”
Gaara waited until she out of ear shot before saying quietly, “But I didn’t.”
“He’s not going to remember any of this,” Shikamaru said, staying carefully on the opposite side of the room to Temari.
She was sitting on the bed, looking down at Shikadai as he slept in her arms.
“So everything’s fine. Gaara sorted everything out, Shikadai wasn’t hurt, and he wasn’t scared.”
“You’re not holding him.”
“You can’t steal my son away from me,” Shikamaru rolled his eyes. He slouched a bit, wondering how long it was going to take before she would let him handle their child again. He smirked a bit. “I liked how you jumped in to save him today. All fired up and ready to burn down the whole world.”
She flicked her eyes briefly up to him.
“I didn’t have to be afraid at all,” he continued, pushing off the wall and approaching her slowly. “I knew you’d come for him, and I knew you’d never let anything happen to him.”
She studied Shikadai carefully. He hadn’t moved in hours, after babbling ‘stamp’ for twenty minutes and refusing to be put down.
Shikamaru sat down carefully. “This kid is the luckiest little guy in the world.”
Temari snorted softly.
“He is. Because he’s got you. And you’ll never let the world hurt him.” He reached out a hand, brushing Shikadai’s hair softly. “This might make me sound weird, but seeing you obliterate everyone today, just tear them apart, makes me fall in love with you all over again.”
“You’re just trying to butter me up so I’ll give him back to you,” Temari replied, keeping Shikadai protectively close.
“It’s partially that, yes. But also true.” He smiled at her. “I married the scariest woman on earth, and I’ve never been happier about that.”
She threw him a self-indulgent smile. “Really?”
“Really.” He nudged up close to her. “What could I possibly have to fear, with you by my side? And what in the world could Shikadai ever have to worry about, when he’s got you to fly in and save us from ourselves?”
“It was kinda fun,” Temari admitted. “And I got to yell at Gaara, which doesn’t happen often.”
“See? Fun trip to Suna after all.”
“Hm,” she laid her head on his shoulder. “You’re still not holding Shikadai until we’re back in Konoha.”
“Fair enough,” Shikamaru conceded. “At least I know he’s perfectly safe with you.”