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Everything around Yohan was settling into a peaceful thrum as Gaon tried to move away.
"Chief, we need to get cleaned up."
"It'll be fine. Wait-" he said but Gaon had already pulled out of him.
"Don't be lazy, Sir."
Gaon shuffled off the big, plush bed that was way fancier than anything Yohan had ever thought Gaon would own.
When Gaon emerged from the bathroom in a pair of boxers with a bowl and a towel in each hand, Yohan watched him walk across the room, his stride a relaxed balance between confidence and concern.
"It's nothing you haven't seen before."
"Not like this," he rubbed Gaons nipple the moment Gaon climbed on the bed beside him and sat on his heels. Allowing Yohan to touch him as he pleased, Gaon doused the towel in warm water and began to wipe the mess on Yohan's stomach. Yohan shifted his hands out of the way, trying not be a nuisance, because while he was enjoying touching Gaon's firm chest, his stomach, his shoulders, he very much enjoyed Gaon's touch on his own skin as he moved the warm towel around.
"Come back to Switzerland with me."
Gaon lifted Yohan's leg and shifted out of Yohan's reach to clean down there.
"No," he replied simply.
"Why not?"
"Do I need to have a reason?"
Yohan licked his lips, temping down the little bit of anger that threatened to spring forth at that answer. Gaon was refusing him. Again.
"I need a reason, Gaon."
"Or what?" he asked, scoffing, as if he wasn't taking this seriously.
"I hear you're dating. Is that why you won't come with me?"
Gaon's movements slowed to a stop as his eyes rose to Yohan, a tinge of fear in them.
"Is that it?" Yohan asked, unable to quell the anger anymore. "You're dating some vapid athlete and that's what's keeping you here?"
"How did you know?"
"What don't I know about you? Hmm?" Yohan sat up as Gaon backed away from him, eyes growing wider by the second.
"It's not that serious."
"Yeah, like you know how to be casual with anyone. You enter a relationship and you open yourself up like you're begging everyone around you to use you."
"That's not what this is."
"He plays for the national baseball team, right?"
"Sto-stop," Gaon said, raising his hands. "What are you doing? Are you trying threaten me with him?"
"I don't know, Gaon. Should I?"
Gaon's eyes filled with tears as he held Yohan's stare.
"You haven't changed a bit."
Gaon dropped the towel inside the bowl of water and crawled off the bed.
"Wait," Yohan called, crawling to the edge of the bed. "I didn't mean that. Hey. Come here."
He sat and held out his hand to Gaon, who was currently leaning against a cupboard by the wall.
"Come here, Gaon."
His body taut with tension, Gaon walked back to the bed as Yohan spread his legs to accommodate him. The tears in his eyes had run down his face, but he wiped it away, just as Yohan took his hands.
"Come with me."
"Are you giving me a choice?"
"Yes."
"Then my answer is still no."
Yohan rubbed Gaon's hands, lifting them to his mouth as he kissed them one after the other.
"You're all alone, here. You don't want that. Come with me. Elijah misses you." Yohan hesitated. "I... I miss you."
"Please don't do this to me again," Gaon said, crying more. "Please."
"What am I doing?" Yohan wiped his tears. He didn't want to see Gaon like this. But at the same time, Gaon belonged with them. Not here. Not anymore.
"Just let me make this one decision for myself without feeling like someone is whispering at the back of my ear. Can't you at least do that? Don't you want me to come to you because I want to?"
"You wanted to come with me a month ago. What's changed?"
"Space," Gaon said, pulling away from Yohan as everywhere suddenly felt so cold.
Yohan realised he was still naked... exposed... raw from rejection. He pulled the messed-up bed covers from behind him and wrapped himself in them.
"You've had a whole month of space, Gaon."
"It's not enough."
Yohan's jaw slacked as he stared at Gaon's back, realising what Gaon was getting at. Oh god, Yohan thought to himself in horror.
"I haven't been on my own for a while and it's wildly invigorating. No one owns me anymore. Do you know what I mean?"
He turned to Yohan for a reply, but Yohan's tongue felt too heavy to say anything.
"I haven't felt this way in so long. I get to wake up and go to work and choose the fight I want to fight for the day. My relationships, my friends, they all end at the door. I am me in my own home. Gaon gets to bear the brunt of Gaon's actions all by himself. And I love it."
"Gaon," Yohan said, his voice strangely hoarse.
"Maybe one day, I'll come visit. Stay a while. But for now, Sir, I need to find me, everyday. I need to be with me, everyday. I want to live for myself and going with you to Switzerland will suddenly make every moment of my life about you, again."
Yohan bowed his head, as Gaon knelt before him, lifting it back up again.
"It's not about the athlete. You don't have to ruin an innocent person's life."
"I know," Yohan said. Because he knew that in his head. He knew that Gaon was right. But it still hurt to hear those words. They hurt almost as much as, "Soohyun is my world."
But he couldn't begrudge him. The last thing he wanted was for Gaon to follow him with pent up resentment.
"I understand."
"Do you?"
"Yes."
Gaon smiled at him, sadly, looking like he wasn't completely convinced.
"You want to stay."
"I do."
Yohan nodded, adjusting his sitting position as Gaon stood.
"So what are we supposed to do for the next seven hours?" Yohan asked to lighten the mood.
Gaon cleaned his face as he carried the bowl of water and headed for the bathroom.
"I was thinking of cooking you a nice, big meal. Based on what Elijah's been saying, you guys aren't eating well."
"You've been calling Elijah but not me."
"She called me the moment you reached Switzerland. You're the one who hasn't broken the ice."
"Consider this me breaking the ice. Call me, too. I can't keep finding out stuff about you from Elijah."
Gaon laughed as he entered into the bathroom again.
"I understand, Sir."
As soon as he entered, Yohan let out a shaky breath, leaning forward. This was not the plan. This was not even remotely close to the plan. But he had to accept it.
You haven't changed a bit.
Yohan didn't want to change. He wanted Gaon by his side. But this had to be Gaon's choice.
Yohan remembered what it had felt like to watch Gaon leave him. He remebered how it had gutted him not to pull strings or threaten or force him to stay. But at the same time, Yohan remembered the joy he'd felt when Gaon had come back. He remembered how it felt to recieve a call from Gaon, a call where he was asking about Yohan. How he came back to the mansion because he needed Yohan, not because Yohan had forced him to.
Maybe Gaon was right. He needed the space.
Maybe Yohan needed space too. He'd walked headfirst into a partnership with Gaon that he hadn't prepared for and had suddenly found himself obsessed with keeping that attention. Maybe that was something Yohan ought to work on, on his own. Space, right?
Maybe this time, Yohan ought to listen to what Gaon was asking of him.