Chapter Text
it’s just not hard to tell, yoongi thinks. he is well, well aware. when you know someone so well for so long it’s not especially hard to read them. and it’s not like yoongi is bad at reading people anyways, so yes, it’s obvious. but when he talks to namjoon about it, he acts like he doesn’t know.
“what do you mean? he told you that?” namjoon asks.
yoongi furrows his eyebrows, “no.” he pauses and stares while namjoon purses his lips and looks even more confused.
“can you not tell? he didn’t tell me, no, but i-” yoongi cuts himself off and shakes his head. “i thought it was obvious, i wouldn’t be talking about it if i didn’t think you already knew. now i feel guilty,” he looks down to the ground and bites at his lip, he sighs and flops down into the chair next to namjoons own.
“well, if it helps, jin-hyung said something about jeongguk having a crush on you, but to be fair i wasn’t listening so he may have been joking.” namjoon turns towards his desk and types in the password to his computer.
yoongi’s eyes widen and he sits up in the seat. “see, i knew i wasn’t imagining things. you’re useless i’m talking to jin-hyung,” the door opens and closes, and yoongi stomps down the hallway towards any room where jin may be. he finds him in the practice studio, with jeongguk.
yoongi sighs and waves at them through the mirror. “hi hyung!” yoongi hears hoseoks’s voice from beside him. he turns his head and smiles softly at the younger.
“your hair,” yoongi reaches up towards hoseoks head and pulls softly on a strand of pinkish reddish hair attached to his head. “i like it.”
he gives him no time to say his thanks before walking towards jin and tugging on his arm. he mumbles something about needing to talk to him and jin reluctantly follows after whining and telling jeongguk he will be back whenever yoongi stops being annoying. yoongi scowls at that and pulls his arm a little harder out of the room.
they round the corner outside the door and yoongi sees jeongguk give a strange look to hoseok through the mirror but ignores it and checks around to make sure there’s nobody in the vicinity before dishing out his thoughts to seokjin.
“jeongguk likes me,” he says matter-of-factly, but quietly. jin looks at him funny but nods.
“yeah, since he was like, sixteen.” yoongi makes a disgusted face and shakes his head.
“don’t fucking say that, ew.” jin shrugs, “it’s true, he liked namjoon when he was fourteen if that makes it any better.”
yoongi looks up at him harshly. “why, in what world, would that make it any better.” jin shakes his head like ‘i don’t know, was just trying to help’.
“namjoon was like, ‘did he tell you that?’, he acted like it wasn’t obvious, it is,” yoongi says and his face drops when jin raises his eyebrows. “right?”
“i mean, to me, to you clearly. it’s not like he told me either but- namjoon really can’t tell? i said something about it the other day because lately, he’s-” yoongi cuts him off.
“super touchy right?” jin nods and adds that he’s just more obvious in general.
right so, it’s not hard to tell. he knows very well that jeongguk has liked him for a while, he goes through phases where he clings to yoongi, and phases where he stays far away, they’ll barely talk for weeks until one day jeongguk will either go back to normal or go back to clinging to him. after he talks to seokjin and namjoon about it, jeongguk seems to go back to his distance. yoongi worries he had heard them but a few weeks later when jeongguk asks to sleep in his bed he stops worrying.
yoongi had only wanted to confirm he wasn’t crazy, it wasn’t like he wanted anything from jeongguk. or anyone for that matter. all he wanted was for someone else to agree with him. and he got it, but as time goes on, namjoon and jin keep questioning him, subtly. yoongi can tell what they’re doing without them even doing it.
“why did you even bring it up?” namjoon asks while he pets yeontans head. taehyung dragged off to another room to film something. “you haven’t done anything about it.” yoongi shakes his head and frowns.
“that wasn’t the point, i just suspected it, or more i was sure of it, but i was feeling crazy because nobody else had noticed it seemed like.” yoongi shrugs, “i didn’t want to do anything about it, what would i even do, yell at him?”
namjoon thrashes dramatically, “what? why would you yell at him?” he shakes his head again and mumbles another ‘what’.
“i wouldn’t! i wouldn’t do anything to tell him he’s wrong, i mean it’s not a big deal. he has a crush, whatever.” yoongi turns away from the wall he was facing and faces namjoon, who, apparently, was staring holes in the back of his head. yoongi flinches and raises his eyebrows at namjoon.
“are you an idiot?” namjoon asks deadpan. yoongi narrows his eyes and looks around. “you’re asking me?” yoongi says mildly.
“yes.” namjoon says.
yoongi ponders the question for a second and tilts his head. “am i missing something?” he asks. taehyung comes back in and flops onto the couch next to his familiar. and pulls out an earbud. “what did i miss?”
namjoon leaves the room. the conversation dies. he tries to ask a few times what he means but every time namjoon just shakes his head and walks away, he even asks seokjin and he does the same. eventually, it’s taehyung who gives him an answer.
“how do you see jeongguk?” taehyung asks while he plays with jin’s shirt, jin is asleep against taehyungs shoulder, mouth wide open. yoongi asks what he means.
“like, if you had to use a bunch of descriptors to talk about him, how would you describe him?” yoongi taps at his shoe as he pulls his leg under his knee.
“he’s my dongsaeng, our maknae, one of my best friends, um.” yoongi pauses and looks at the polaroid of all the members stuck to the back of jin’s phone case. jeongguk is making a face that makes him look younger than he is, yoongi is smiling hugely at him. yoongi shakes his head. “he’s talented, the best at everything he does. he’s kind and caring and excitable. he’s an all-rounder at like, everything.”
taehyung nods, “okay, and what about your relationship to him, how is that described, what is it like?” taehyung repositions himself and makes sure seokjin is still asleep before he looks back to yoongi.
“we’re close, he’s my best friend, one of my best friends, but i guess we spend the most time together out of anyone.” he shrugs, “what are you trying to get out of me?” he asks and leans back on his palms.
“i’m trying to get you to think about jeongguk, what he means to you.” yoongi nods and takes a breath.
“he’s important to me, really important. i mean, i take care of everyone as you all like to point out but i feel like i do it a little more with him than with the rest of you. i don’t think i mean to, but i just instinctively do it, i always feel like i need to take care of him best. or more like i want to, i don’t feel obligated to, i want to. it’s weird. you’re all equally important to me, but i just want to make sure he’s okay all the time, i’ll text him, or invite him to hang out when i notice he’s sad. and i don’t have to even think about it, all the sudden i’ll just be with him and be like ‘oh wow he’s with me again” and he always seems so happy around me. that’s good, whenever i can tell he’s relaxed around me it gives me this sense of pride.”
yoongi pauses for a second and looks back at the polaroid. “he makes me happy, i hope i make him happy too, i think i do. i don’t know i just feel this pull towards him and this pull to make him comfortable and happy and healthy. it’s weird but i just ignore it because i’m not sure what it is, i guess maybe because he’s younger,” he looks up at taehyung and sighs. “but it’s not the same with the rest of you, even when you were younger, it’s only ever been him. it’s so weird.”
taehyung has this look on his face like yoongi is the best person he’s ever seen when yoongi looks at him again. his face changes to something sympathetic, “how long have you been holding that all in?”
yoongi groans and falls on his back. “few years now.”
taehyung shoots up and jin wakes up squinting his eyes at the both of them. “a few years? are you crazy?” taehyung shouts. yoongi flops his arm over his eyes and groans again.
“you’re such an idiot.” taehyung says. he leans back and apologizes to seokjin, petting his hair.
jin asks why yoongi’s an idiot. “he’s in love with jeongguk, has been for a few years he just said.” jin’s face twists and he sits up.
“i did not say that! i’m not in love with jeongguk! what?” yoongi sits up and throws his hands up in frustration.
taehyung looks at jin, “he just ranted to me for five minutes about how he feels this pull towards jeongguk that he doesn’t feel towards the rest of us. a pull to take care of him and make sure he’s happy and healthy and comfortable. and then he tried to excuse it by saying it was just because jeongguk’s so young and then said no it couldn’t be that because he never felt like that with us even when we were younger.” jin looks at yoongi like he’s stupid.
“you’re in love with jeongguk.” jin says and leans back onto the couch.
“well, when he puts it like that of course you’re going to think i’m in love with him!” yoongi says and scoffs.
“i literally just repeated what you said, what do you mean ‘when i put it like that?’” he tosses a pen at yoongi and leans back with jin.
“why would i be in love with jeongguk?” yoongi asks like taehyung is dumb.
“why wouldn’t you?” jin says and scrolls on his phone like he doesn’t care like this is normal like it would be perfectly normal for yoongi to be in love with jeongguk.
yoongi scoffs again and glares at them. “i’m not in love with jeongguk.” he says firmly. taehyung sighs and sits forward again.
“i’m going to be slightly disrespectful right now, but you have no idea how lucky you are. you’re taking this for granted, big time.” jin nods. “you have someone who, whether you’re willing to admit it or not, you love, and he loves you. and you’re going to let it go to waste because you’re stubborn.” yoongi stays silent for a moment and taehyung mumbles an apology. yoongi waves him off.
“it’s not- i’m not wasting anything. first off he doesn’t love me, he likes me, he has a crush. and second, we couldn’t do anything anyway. that’s way too much danger towards the group. imagine we break up and can’t speak to each other. then what happens?”
jin speaks before taehyung can, “i’ve never seen anyone love someone as much as that kid loves you. so get that ‘it’s a crush’ shit out of here before you even start.” taehyung thanks jin and continues for him. “and if you fight so what, you’ve fought before, we’ve all fought before. you work it out like the adults you are and move on, you’re both mature enough for that.” yoongi stares at the ground.
“no, it’s not a good idea. i won’t risk it. i’m not wasting it, i’m trying to- preserve our career. i’m not gonna fuck everything up for a chance that he loves me, even if he did it doesn’t mean we’re right for each other, or that it would last. we can’t risk that.”
they’re both looking at him like he’s pitiful, “why is it so hard to believe he could be in love with you?” yoongi shakes his head, “it’s not him it’s anyone, why would anyone want to spend the rest of their life with me, i’m intolerable at best. especially in romance situations.”
jin crawls down from the couch and smacks yoongi on the top of his head. “you’re an idiot. he loves you, if you’re not willing to accept that then maybe you don’t deserve him at all. he’s waited all this time for you to be your normal stubborn self. i should have known you wouldn’t budge.” yoongi’s mouth is open and he looks to taehyung as seokjin walks out of the room.
“think about it, for jeongguk’s sake if not your own.”
think he does, every single day, and every night, for weeks. it turns into months, seokjin apologizes exactly a month later, he regrets being so harsh. and he thinks it’s that day that jeongguk starts distancing himself more. yoongi doesn’t hang out with him for almost a month, almost a month from that day. he ignores every invitation to hang out, and answers texts shortly. yoongi’s starting to get a little lonely. he sits in the practice room waiting just to talk to jeongguk only to get little answers and an ‘i’m tired, sorry.’ yoongi gives up. but he keeps thinking, he couldn’t stop if he wanted to.
things change a few days later, and jeongguk goes back to being clingy, yoongi doesn’t think much of it, chalks it up to be jeongguk being a little sadder than usual, and keeping his distance longer. jeongguk seems clingier this time though, and it’s not the normal kind of clingy either, it’s almost like he’s sick.
“can i sleep here?” jeongguk asks while rubbing his eyes. yoongi says yes, “you have no clothes left though.” jeongguk nods and rubs at his neck, “i’ll throw some in the wash before we leave tomorrow morning.” yoongi lets out a soft okay. he turns to go towards his room and jeongguk grabs his arm. “can i sleep in your bed, do you mind, i know it’s- i’m sure it’s annoying. just, i wanna-” yoongi cuts him off by pulling jeongguk towards his room. “it’s not annoying.”
they lay down and jeongguk cuddles up to yoongis side. yoongi’s hand landing in the youngers hair. yoongi pets him and lets jeongguk relax while he reads on his phone. he can feel jeongguk staring at him but ignores it, attempting to not have any awkward conversations, or interactions, at all.
“you’re so pretty.” yoongi hears from beside him, right in his ear. his hand freezes and he waits a second before turning to jeongguk. “don’t say that.” he says quietly. moving his hand so he can shut off his phone and go to sleep. as soon as possible. “why?” jeongguk whispers. yoongi sighs and rubs his hand over his face before turning on his shoulder to face jeongguk. “because,” he says and pulls the blankets over his shoulder and looking up at jeongguk. “i’m not.”
“you are,” he says firmly. “even if you don’t think so, i’m allowed to.” yoongi closes his eyes and breathes out. “go to sleep jeongguk.”
“why are you so against me caring about you?” jeongguk says softly, it’s not angry, more sad. yoongi swallows, it’s not that, don’t you understand how horrible of an idea it is, he wants to say.
“i’m not,” is what he says. jeongguk sighs and cups yoongi’s cheek, yoongi jerks and pulls his hand away. “jeongguk.” yoongi’s eyes are wide and he’s holding jeongguks hand with quite a bit of force. “sleep.”
jeongguk sleeps, yoongi doesn’t, he lays there and thinks.
nothing changes in yoongi’s head. it’s a bad idea, a week after seokjin had yelled at him namjoon had come to back him up, saying that the group could handle anything and if he wanted to be with jeongguk he could. yoongi rolls his eyes and leaves the room before namjoon can say anything wise that might convince him.
the next few nights go the same. jeongguk compliments yoongi and yoongi gets upset and shoots him down. six days later, jeongguk goes crazy, he must have gone crazy yoongi thinks.
“can i kiss you?” jeongguk asks when yoongi is almost asleep. yoongi’s eyes open immediately, and he regrets it just as quickly. jeongguk is so close, he’s blushing and yoongi can feel him shaking a little bit.
“what?” yoongi whispers.
“please?” jeongguk whispers back even quieter. he scoots a little closer and yoongi moves back away from him.
“no. jeongguk you can’t. that’s an awful idea.”
“it’s not, it would be nice, you’re so pretty hyung.”
yoongi shoots up and gets out of the bed. he walks out of the room and into the kitchen and paces. what the fuck, i am not fucking prepared for that. jeongguk follows, he hears the socked footsteps enter the kitchen behind him. he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
“why are you scared, nothing’s going to happen.”
“i’m not scared jeongguk, i don’t want to, that’s enough of an answer.”
jeongguk protests and they go back and forth until yoongi refuses to discuss it anymore. he lays back down in his bed and decides if jeongguk wants to keep going he can, but yoongi is going to sleep. so he closes his eyes and lays there. thirty minutes later he feels jeongguk lay down next to him.
“i feel bad,” yoongi hears the whisper say, “i don’t mean to be pushy. i just-” jeongguk sighs and brushes yoongis hair out of his face. he must think yoongi is asleep.
“you deserve to know how much i love you, or at least you deserve to have some love even for, for a week if i could just have a week. if i could just show you how loved you are for only a week i’d be happy but you…” he trails off and takes a big breath, getting under the covers. “you won’t let me, you won’t take it. i don’t know what it is that’s stopping you from letting people love you but i just wish i could bypass it.”
yoongi tries so hard not to flinch, to breathe, nothing.
“i’ll give up, i’ll leave it be. jin-hyung told me to and i did for a while, but i wanted to try at least. i thought maybe i could break down those walls but, you’re right. you said no. that’s enough of an answer. i’ll stop.”
yoongi doesn’t sleep again, he doesn’t move the whole night, just stares at jeongguk’s sleeping form and thinks, about the risk, about if he can handle this stupid plan he has in his head right now, the devil on his shoulder tells him he won’t escape but he decides it’s worth it. those late-night thoughts hold a grip on him.
eventually, when he wakes up, jeongguk is gone. yoongi scratches his head and goes to work like normal. jeongguk avoids him, just a little. at the end of the day, jeongguk taps his shoulder. “i’ll come to get my clothes in a couple of days, i’m sleepy i’m just going home today.” yoongi’s eyes go wide, “i need to talk to you. come here.” jeongguk stutters and follows yoongi out of the room.
“it’s fine yoongi-hyung i know i crossed a line last night and i’m sorry, i’ll just go home tonight.” yoongi sighs and clenches his fists before doing this stupid, stupid thing.
“you get one week.” he says. jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow before his jaw drops and he gasps.
“i- what?” jeongguk says grabbing onto yoongi’s arms.
“one week. one week starting tomorrow, you can do whatever, take me on dates i don’t know, however you want to prove this to me. this is an awful idea but one week, okay?” jeongguk nods and he’s shaking like an excited puppy. “can i kiss you?” jeongguk asks, bouncing on his heels. yoongi glares and looks around them. “tomorrow,” he says.
“go finish cleaning up, we’ll go home in a minute.” jeongguk smiles and runs back to clean up.
“oh! jeongguk.” he turns to face yoongi, “no telling anyone.” when jeongguk nods yoongi adds for good measure. “even taehyung.” jeongguk nods a little less enthusiastically but smiles nonetheless.
the second they walk in yoongi’s door jeongguk nearly tackles him with a hug. yoongi chuckles and squeezes back. jeongguk glances at the clock and yoongi follows his eyes, eleven thirty-six, it reads. jeongguk grins, “it’s almost tomorrow.” yoongi shakes his head and they sit on the couch, jeongguk cuddling up to yoongi, it’s not abnormal but yoongi knows he’s just waiting for the moment he can start being even more clingy. not that he minds.
yoongi catches him looking at the time on his phone every minute as they watch a movie. he huffs out a laugh and jeongguk looks at him. “what?” he asks innocently.
“just kiss me now,” yoongi says. jeongguk takes a breath and nods, coming closer.
it’s as if yoongi had never said it, or maybe it all just happens too quickly for his brain to process. but when jeongguk kisses him his stomach drops. he gasps and jeongguk leans back, “you said-” yoongi cuts him off, kissing him. jeongguk makes a muffled noise but leans forward pushing yoongi down so they’re laying on the couch, jeongguk on top of him.
god, he doesn’t know what he was thinking. every time jeongguk makes a little noise or slips his hands under yoongi’s shirt yoongi loses a bit of his sanity. in the back of his head he thinks he should back out, sorry he’d say i’m so sorry but i can’t, i refuse to fall in love with you and these noises you were making, it’s too much. but he keeps going.
they flip over and yoongi kisses down jeongguk’s neck, giving him a taste of his own medicine and shoving his cold hands onto jeongguk’s chest. jeongguk giggles and grabs onto yoongi’s arms. “you’re so cold,” he laughs and pulls yoongi down to hug him. yoongi faces the tv and laughs. “we didn’t watch the movie.”
“it sucks anyway,” jeongguk says and kisses yoongi on the head, cups his cheek, and kisses him real soft on the mouth. yoongi closes his eyes and before he knows it the clock says one twenty-five and his back hurts. he hums and looks towards the snoring he can hear.
“mm, jeongguk, bed.”
as they fall back asleep and jeongguk holds yoongis hand, rubbing it, jeongguk whispers to him, “i’m gonna woo you so hard.”
yoongi falls asleep, he has a dream, all that happens in it is jeongguk kissing him. when he wakes up he stares at the ceiling and thinks this is going to be the hardest week of his life.