Archive of Our Own

It’s a miserable day. The sky is an unrelentingly dark grey shade, cascading for miles and miles with no end in sight. The rain has been pouring down all day, and the wind mixes with it, causing the rain to hit against windows, creating a rattling sound all over. It’s that horrible misty spray that means Ben can’t even see that far in front of him, though he knows his way around Walford that well now that he really doesn’t have to look to see where he’s going. Jay’s walking out in front of him, a breaking leather ball at his feet, scraping along the wet pavement with an awful sounding scratch. 

“It’s freezing!” Ben shouts over the rain, and he watches in awe somewhat, as raindrops fall onto his eyelashes, tiny little droplets clinging on for dear life. It’s true, it is freezing. The torrential rain bounces up off of the pavement and clings to his socks, climbing up onto his grey school trousers and staining them darker and darker as time goes by. There’s not a single part of him that isn’t shivering and wet, but he and Jay have a routine now, one that happens regardless of the weather.

The school’s over bell will ring out just after three, a shrieking tinny noise, one that’s surely going to be imprinted on everyone’s brain for years to come. Ben will stand next to the doors at the side of school, and then Jay will follow moments later, catching up with him. It goes unspoken, because this routine has been going on for so long without ever changing, that they’ll walk home together, strolling into a corner shop and getting as many sweets as possible, before going to their local park and staying there until they have to go home for whatever reason.

“Oh come on!” Jay turns his entire body and starts to walk backwards, the wind blowing his hood down within seconds and he scrambles to put it back up, though it’s in vain. “Are you telling me you want to go back home already? Because I know for certain you have science homework to do, and so does your mum.” 

Ben looks to the ground, watching the raindrops splashing into the puddles and breaking into even tinier pieces before falling back down again. It’s almost relaxing to watch it, or it would be, if his hands weren’t currently frozen completely numb. “My mum’s got science work to do, has she?” He asks cheekily, but he knows Jay’s right. Jay’s always right. He knows that the second he walks through his door, he’s going to have to spend the rest of the evening doing his work for tomorrow, and he couldn’t think of anything worse than that, so staying at the park in the pouring rain wins yet again. 

He manages to look up in time to see Jay roll his eyes, and he kicks his ball back towards Ben as they walk in the direction of the park. “You need a new ball, mate.” Ben comments, picking it up and throwing it back at Jay. He regrets picking it up, because the ball’s been collecting that much water as Jay kicked at it all the way home that it’s sopping wet and heavy.

“I know.” Jay replies, and they turn into the park. Ben’s got nowhere to sit, his usual place on the swing is collecting a puddle of muddy water underneath so the idea of sitting there doesn’t even cross his mind. Instead, he sits on the small brick wall, resting on the very edges of his coat to try and minimise how sopping wet his trousers are going to be when he eventually stands up. He realises that it probably won’t do anything sufficiently, and he’s going to be cold and wet regardless. There’s a silence that grows between them for a moment or two, but that’s normal. Jay kicks the ball against the wall that Ben’s sitting on and they both watch as chips of the bricks start to crumble away and swirl away in a stream of a puddle that runs downhill. “What happened in science today?” Jay asks, breaking the comfortable silence. 

Ben huffs out a laugh, more sarcastic than anything else, because he’s been waiting all day for Jay to ask him, or at least, since the class directly before lunch. “Nothing.” He says, and then he looks down the road and sees cars driving slowly, headlights on full beam. 

Jay nods slowly. “Right. So you’ve spent all day in a mood, for nothing? Makes a whole lot of sense that does, Ben.” He pauses. “I’m your brother. You’re supposed to tell me everything.” 

Brother. It’s such a simple word. Of course, biologically, they aren’t brothers, but in every other sense of the word they are. They’ve been inseparable from the day they first met. 

“I overheard Connor and Sarah talking.” Ben says, and he already he knows he sounds stupid for even being remotely bothered about this. “Saying that nobody would ever want to be with you, because I’m here scaring them off.”

“And you’re bothered about that?” Jay lets out a soft chuckle, resting his foot on the top of the ball. “Mate, I couldn’t care less about getting with anyone right now. Tell you what though, I wouldn’t be interested in anyone unless they wanted to be around you too. We’re a package deal, you and me.” 

Ben looks up and rolls his eyes. “That supposed to be making me feel better, is it?” He laughs. 

“If you were anyone else I’d be hurt by that.” Jay comments and kicks the ball a final time against the wall, so hard that Ben feels the wall shake slightly underneath him, and even more of the brick crumbles to the ground. 

The rain doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon, and they’re both starting to get far too cold and hungry and wet. The grey sky does seem to be getting darker though, and that’s probably a sign for it both getting later, and the weather getting worse. 

“How about we make a pact?” Jay asks, though it’s clear that he doesn’t think of the implication of his words before he speaks, if the shock on his own face is anything to go by. The wind blows down his hood once again as it whistles and swirls around them, causing ripples in the puddles.

“What pact?” Ben asks, getting to his feet and swinging his bag across his body. 

Jay shrugs as he tries to think. “How about, we don’t date anyone, until we’ve both found people to date.” 

It’s completely and utterly ridiculous, and they’re both well aware of that fact. But they’re also both just a few weeks away from turning sixteen years old and if they’re being completely honest, neither of them have anything better to do with their time. 

There’s a silence between them for a moment as Ben tries to take in Jay’s words and then slowly but surely, he nods. “Yeah.” Ben whispers out, and he can barely hear his own voice above the deluge of rain, with heavy and harsh droplets falling around them. “Go on then.”

So that’s it. Ben agrees to the pact, and from that day on, it becomes Ben and Jay’s rule.

Neither of them would date anyone, until they both found someone to date. 

It’s just that, the pact was never supposed to last as long as it has.

It’s over two years later, and Ben and Jay are still in Walford. They’re probably always going to be stuck in Walford really - they know far too many people who have tried to get out into the world, only to come back not long after. They’re both still just as inseparable, and again, that’s something that is probably never going to change. The pact is still there, it’s still something that they talk about occasionally, laughing at how ridiculous it is, and yet, it still stands, though not through a lack of trying.

Nobody has really shown Ben much interest over the last two years, besides the occasional man at a party or a club, but nothing long standing. Perhaps it’s because he still lives in Walford, around so many of the people he’s known his entire life. In such a small place, everyone knows everyone and knows everything about everyone. It’s not exactly the best place in the world to be finding a partner, even less to find a gay man.

Or it could be because of the fact that Ben's got this wall surrounding him, built up so high, guarding him and protecting him from any hurt that could possibly come his way. Probably both, really. But still, nobody has ever met Ben and shown an interest in wanting to break down his wall. Ever. The story was the same for Jay as well. Nobody ever showed an interest in him, but because everyone already knew about the pact. That was, until Lola came into his life.

They’re sitting in the Queen Vic, at a circular table right in the far corner of the room. They can see almost everyone else in the building, all at their own tables or standing against the bar, chatting away and laughing. There’s even people playing darts, walking to and from the board, doing the maths in their head. In their own little space, they’re sitting at a wobbly table of three: Ben, Jay and Lola. 

It’s not unusual for the three of them to be sitting together, though it probably looks unconventional from the outside looking in, especially given the fact that Jay’s got one hand outstretched, holding onto the back of Lola’s chair protectively. Ben’s definitely more than aware that he looks like a spare part, a third wheel. He knows it too. But Lola was the one to invite him along for a few drinks, though they all know she’s got an ulterior motive. She knows about the pact now. It didn’t take long for her to find out, really. From the moment her and Jay started to get close, he told her about it, and although she laughed at first because really, it is a ridiculous pact to have, she’s now taking it upon herself to make sure the pact ends, once and for all.

Lola’s got her phone in her hand, scrolling through it with a smile on her face. She keeps looking up at Jay and nodding her head silently, looking at him expectantly and then, when he shakes his head, she continues scrolling. 

“Really good conversation guys, thanks for this.” Ben jokingly states, rolling his eyes to the back of his head. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to The Albert after this?” Lola asks, sipping on her vodka and orange.

Ben glares at Jay, knowing that Jay’s told Lola about how he’s refusing to go in there after last time. “More than sure.” He says, draining the last of his beer. “Another?” He tries to stand up, but Lola’s too quick for him, dropping her phone onto the table harshly and reaching out and grabbing his hand.

“It was one idiot, Ben.” She says warmly. “Don’t let that ruin your experience.” 

He smiles tightly, but he doesn’t want to hear it. He mutters something about going to the toilet, because he doesn’t want to hear about how his first time in a gay bar was ruined by some idiot starting a fight outside, throwing about homophobic slurs and punching anyone he could get his hands onto, including Ben. He takes his time in the bathroom, throwing some water on his face in an attempt to calm himself down, and when he feels better, he rejoins Jay and Lola. 

“Sorry.” He says sincerely, sitting back down at the table.

Jay shrugs his shoulders. “It’s fine mate. But Lo’s right, you know? You’re young and you’re single. You should be doing what everyone our age does and go out. Don’t let one prick stop you from wanting to do that. You deserve to be able to go to whatever bar you want to go to.” 

“I know.” Ben says, smiling. “Just give me time, yeah? And then we can all go out together.” 

Lola perks up at that, because she’s been begging and pleading to go to a gay bar for months now, ever since The Albert first opened it’s doors. “I could easily set you up with someone you know?” Lola says absentmindedly. “You just give me your word, and I’ll find someone.”

Ben huffs out a laugh at that, and his eyes flicker up to Jay, just in time to catch him rolling his eyes at Ben’s reaction. “Know every gay man in the area, do ya?” He chuckles, but at least it’s a genuinely happy laugh. He likes Lola, he really does. Jay really went and found someone that fit perfectly within their dynamic, and he loves him for that, because nothing would be more awkward than Ben not liking Jay’s girlfriend, or her not liking Ben. But Ben can see that Jay really likes Lola - really likes her - and they’re so good for each other. It’s obvious to see. 

“That’d be impossible.” She berates, rolling her eyes. “But I definitely know a few!” 

She’s looking at Ben with those puppy dog eyes and Jay’s chuckling under his breath because he knows that Ben’s going to break any second now. “Oh my God!” She practically squeals. “We could go on double dates too!” 

Ben’s eyes go wide at that, and Jay just about covers up the splutter of his pint behind a cough, but Ben sees right through him.

Lola looks at Jay, practically begging him for his help to get Ben onside. “Look Ben mate, I love you, yeah? We’re not asking you to marry the next person who walks through the door, but at least try. Just go on a few dates, find out what you like. You never know.”

Ben knows he’s being stupid. He knows that now’s the time he should probably try and go on a few dates here and there, and make an attempt at letting his wall come down and try to be happy. He knows that. It’s still scary though. Terrifying, in fact. He looks between Jay and Lola, and gives in, sighing. “Fine.” He exhales, and he barely has a chance to breathe before Lola’s practically leaping over the table to hug him half to death, squealing right in his ear. 

When Lola finally peels herself off of Ben, and he rubs his face in hands, Lola speaks giddily. “I’ve got the perfect person, his name is Callum.”

This is happening.

Lola taps a rhythmic knock on the wood of the front door, and waits just a few short seconds before she lets herself in, standing in the hallway and announcing herself. “Only me!” She calls out, and a head eventually peaks out from the doorframe of the living room.

“Well I didn’t exactly think a burglar would announce themselves.” Callum chuckles out. "Is that wine I see?” 

“Of course.” Lola grins, holding out a shop bought bottle of red as though it’s a trophy she’s just won. “It wouldn’t be our weekly gossip without it.”

They’ve been best friends for the past couple of years now, after Callum moved to the area to get away from his family. He’s a couple of years older, at twenty, but they’re completely inseparable. Lola is always going around to Callum’s, letting herself in most times now, and every week they have a catch up, even though they both already know the ins and outs of each other’s lives, but it’s just nice to have an excuse to get wine drunk and potentially end up dancing around the living room together to a cheesy pop song that wouldn’t be amiss if it got played at one of those gay bars that Callum goes to. 

Lola follows Callum and he picks up two wine glasses, passing them over to her to fill them up. She’s always over generous with her servings, and he knows that before the night’s over, they’ll more than likely end up opening one of the bottles in his fridge. He lights up a match with a scratch of the box and before the bonfire-like smell starts to infest the room, he lights up one of his many candles, and blows the match out. Instead of the smell of a fire, there’s a faint scent of fresh linen that starts to swirl around the room, comforting and warming and familiar.

Callum sits down on the sofa, joining Lola, who’s slouching comfortably, her left leg over the top of her right, and she holds out Callum’s glass towards him. He sees the windows behind her, noticing that the sky outside is now fading into a deep navy, and there’s a sprinkling of sparkly stars appearing now. It’s definitely getting colder outside too, if the leaves on the trees blowing in the wind is anything to go by. It’s a stark contrast to the inside of the house, and for that, Callum’s grateful.

“So.” He starts, drinking his first sip of the wine and letting it sit on his tongue for a moment. “What’s the gossip this week?”

Lola turns to him with a shy smile, and he’s seen that before. He knows exactly what that means. “I was out with Jay, and Ben was with us too.” 

Callum rolls his eyes before she can even continue, but it’s only teasingly. She’s happy, really happy, and that makes him happy too. She deserves it. Lola chuckles, and swats the back of her hand against his chest.

“Anyway!” She says when the giggles subside. “Anyway, I was saying about how Ben should maybe start seeing people, because Jay’s seeing me now and-” 

“The pact.” Callum interrupts. “I still can’t believe they’re still doing that. I mean, you’ve been seeing Jay for ages now, haven’t ya? I thought they would’ve stopped it.”

Lola shakes her head. “Trust me, they’re both as bad as each other. I think it’s become part of their life now, so it’s staying...unless Ben can find someone to date.”

Callum chuckles, twisting his body to put his glass down on the coffee table. “What, and you’ve offered to find him someone, have you?” He teases.  

There’s a pause. A painstakingly awkward, tension filled, pause. Callum’s watching Lola’s reaction as she turns sheepishly shy, a blush forming across her cheeks, and he just knows. 

“Oh you didn’t, did you?” Callum lets out, feeling his entire body slump. “Lo!”

“In my defense, you’d get along! He is exactly your type, and it’s a win-win situation.” Lola states. “You get to date Ben, I get to date Jay.”

“Except, and this is just one tiny little detail.” Callum says, rolling his eyes. “I don’t want to date Ben. I’ve never even met the bloke. All I know about him is that he’s got this weird sort of pact with your boyfriend, and he’s got a wall as high as the Great Wall of China is long!” 

Lola lets out a huff, remembering that night she sat up, telling Callum the stories that Jay has previously recited to her - all the stories of Ben’s upbringing, leaving out the goriest of details - and how his treatment by others in his formative years have created this closed off young man.

“But-” Lola starts, but Callum interrupts. 

“No. Absolutely not.” Callum adamants.

Lola sinks back into the sofa, draining the rest of her glass of wine. She waits patiently for Callum to stop freaking out, and when he does, she speaks again.  “I’m just saying, you’d both get along. It makes perfect sense look, even without the stupid pact. Plus, it means that me and Jay can be together without feeling guilty about Ben not having anyone too.”

“Oh, so I’m doing this out of pity, am I?” Callum asks, leaning further and further into his seat. 

Lola lets out a gasp. “So you’re thinking about it?” She grins giddily. 

Callum rolls his eyes again, filling up his now mostly empty glass. He’s nowhere near enough tipsy for this. “Lo, you’ve literally not stopped telling me that he doesn’t let anyone get close to him. Why, all of a sudden, do you think he’s going to let me get close to him?”

“He gave me his permission to set him up!” Lola confirms. 

Callum sighs, and Lola can see that she’s close to breaking him, close to making him agree, finally. 

“I’ll pay you.” She says jokingly, letting out a soft chuckle at the same time.

Callum cocks an eyebrow teasingly. “Okay then.” He agrees. “£100 up front.”

“You’d actually date him for money?” Lola asks, and to say she’s surprised is an understatement.

“No, you idiot.” Callum laughs. “I’ll at least try and get to know him though. I’m not promising anything.” 

There’s a squeal that comes from Lola and the wine has absolutely gone straight to her head as she jumps over half the sofa and lands on Callum, bundling him up into a hug. “I promise you, you’ll love him! This is great! We’re going out to the Albert on the weekend, Jay’s managed to convince Ben to go back there, you know, after all the trouble. You can meet him there! I’ll introduce you.”

So that’s it then. Callum’s going to meet Ben, and start seeing him, all so Lola can be with Jay without any guilt because of the stupid pact that was made two years ago. 

The music is getting louder and louder by the minute. Ben’s standing against the bar, his face awash with bright lights, flickering from blue to green to red and pulsating in time with the music. There’s bodies everywhere, disappearing when it temporarily goes darker and then reappearing again in a flash of light. The music is some cheesy pop from the early noughties and it’s glaringly obvious that this is a gay bar. If the music wasn’t a dead giveaway, the posters of partially naked men - except for the leather across their chest - certainly is. He turns and orders three beers and a vodka and orange and whilst the drinks are slowly being put on the bar in front of him, Jay appears to the side of him. 

“Callum’s here.” He says. “So make an effort, yeah?” 

Ben rolls his eyes, putting a beer in Jay’s hands. “Best behaviour. Got it.” 

“Just get to know him, you might end up actually quite liking him.” Jay says and he starts walking over to the far wall of the room, and Ben follows him, threading his way through the crowd of people dancing along to the music that’s far too loud in this part of the room. 

Ben’s focusing more on trying to get through without any drop of alcohol being spilled onto the floor rather than looking up and seeing the man standing next to Lola, but when he does notice him, his stomach practically drops to the floor.

He’s hot. Callum’s hot.

And then he smiles, a bright beaming grin and Ben’s passing him a pint without even saying a word to him because he’s so caught up in that smile that he forgets what speaking is temporarily.

It’s awkward at first, and Callum can definitely tell that Ben has a wall up, protecting himself from any harm. But he also finds it endearing, and well, Callum’s not blind, he can see that Ben’s attractive. For a moment, he curses Lola, because he’s been dragged into this and he’s been having all these thoughts about him not even wanting to get to know Ben, but after seeing him, it’s all he wants.

Lola and Jay are talking to each other, and both Ben and Callum know they’re only doing it to try and get them to talk, so Callum bites the bullet. 

“So you agreed to Lola setting you up?” Callum asks and his mouth is red hot against Ben’s ear. 

Ben lets out a soft chuckle and turns his body towards Callum. “Agreed? No.” He says and he’s sure he sees Callum’s face drop for a moment. “More like she didn’t stop talking about how many gay guys she could set me up with until I just had to agree.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret.” Callum grins. “Me and you are the only gays she knows.”

“Oh, so I was always going to be set up with you then?” Ben asks laughing, his cheeks a little bit red and he’s thankful for the flashing lights for now because surely they’re helping to disguise the true colour of his cheeks. 

Callum nods. “I mean, are you complaining? Because I’m certainly not.” 

Ben chuckles and lets his head fall to hide the fact he’s biting at his bottom lip nervously, and when he composes himself and looks back at him, he looks Callum right in the eye and says, “No. I’m not complaining either.”

From then on, the awkwardness of this being the first time they’ve met is gone. Everything just seems completely normal, like they’ve done all of this before. The music surrounding them seems to be getting louder, and the lights seem to be getting brighter and more and more people enter the club as time ticks by. 

Callum lifts up his plastic beer bottle, showing that it’s empty. “Do you want another?” He asks, nodding to the also empty drink in Ben’s hand. 

“Go on then.” Ben says, smiling. 

Callum looks like he’s about to go on his own, until the very last second as he’s walking past Ben and he puts his hand on Ben’s shoulder, squeezing warmly, and Ben knows to walk through the crowd too. He does so without even looking back, his heart racing enough without the added pressure of his friends looking at him. 

“Two beers please, mate.” Callum asks the bartender, and Ben stands next to him, their bodies being forced to touch with the sheer amount of people around. 

It doesn’t take long for the drinks to be put in front of them, and once Callum pays, they both get them. Callum turns around first, but doesn’t walk back. Instead, he tilts the neck of his bottle towards Ben’s, letting them clink together for a moment, and when Ben’s just about to take his first sip of his beer, Callum lifts up his right arm and puts it around Ben’s shoulders. 

Ben looks at Callum, and then notices Callum’s looking right ahead, chuckling softly to himself. There’s a tap on Ben’s chest, and then he sees Callum pointing at something, and when he looks up, he sees Jay and Lola dancing to the music that’s playing. Or rather, trying to dance to the music. Jay’s arms are flying everywhere, and Lola’s looking at him with partial disgust, but also amusement. He’s not got a single rhythmic bone in his body, apparently. 

“They’re getting on well, ain’t they?” Jay states, or more accurately, shouts over the music.

He’s moving his legs stiffly and he’s probably only a few moves away from kicking people in the shins, but Jay doesn’t seem to care. His arms are around Lola and she’s trying to dance as best as she can because the song playing is one of her favourites ever, but realistically she can’t stop laughing at Jay. She flickers her eyes towards Ben and Callum at the bar, trying to be all sleuth-like, and sees them standing there with Callum’s arm around Ben, and it looks as though Ben is leaning into him.

Lola chuckles. “He didn’t need the money after all.” The words escape her mouth before she’s even really had time to think about them.

Jay slows down his movements as the words hit him, until he eventually stops. “What money?” He asks. “What are you going on about?”

“Don’t be mad.” Lola says, putting her hand on Jay’s arm, all warm and she’s holding onto him tightly. “It took Callum more convincing than I thought, to do all of this. So I told him that I’d pay hi-”

“You’re paying him to be with Ben?” Jay shouts, interrupting Lola. A few people around them look in their direction with confusion on their faces. 

Lola shakes her head. “No.” She says. “No, Jay! I haven’t paid him anything, and I won’t! It’s working, the plan’s working. Callum just needed to be persuaded, but he’s here, and they’re getting on. I promise you, I wouldn’t do that to any of you, I won’t pay him.”

Jay nods, slowly accepting it. He’s not exactly happy about the situation, but he can tell that Ben looks happy enough in Callum’s company, and likewise. That’s all that matters. 

Ben watches them as they dance, his eyes following Jay as he waves his arms about, practically swinging them in wild circular motions. Laughter bubbles out from his lips, bright and beautiful and Callum looks between the embarrassing dancing and Ben, before he starts to chuckle uncontrollably himself. Their laughter gets louder the longer it goes on, and whilst they’re still watching them dance awkwardly, Ben’s head ends up resting against Callum’s shoulder comfortably.

The rest of the night passes by in a blur. They’re still in the Prince Albert until the flickering lights become almost too much, leaving their eyes all hazy when they try to look into the distance. When they eventually leave the building, the cold air of the night hits them almost instantly, and no amount of alcohol could disguise just how bitter the wind is. 

Lola’s leaning against Jay, who’s drunk himself, but trying to keep a lightweight Lola upright and from throwing up in public. Ben doesn’t care about that right now though, he’s only got eyes for Callum - and from the looks of it, Callum feels the same way too. 

Callum’s standing on the pavement, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, and the wind is blowing his hair in all sorts of directions. “So, er.” He stumbles over his words, and he wishes for just a moment that he didn’t drink anything more after that third pint, because now he’s a nervous wreck trying to not ruin everything. “Can I get your number?” He asks, a blush forming on his face.

Ben huffs out a soft chuckle and looks down at his feet, kicking out at an invisible stone, but really he’s just using this time to try and compose himself. He looks up eventually, and nods slowly. “I’d like that.” He whispers and holds his hand out for Callum to put his phone into.

There’s a moment of awkwardness between them when Callum doesn’t know why Ben’s hand is outstretching towards him, but then he realises before he has a chance to embarrass himself. He hands his phone over to Ben and watches as he types something - presumably his number in.

“I texted myself.” Ben states. “So I have your number too.”

Callum grins wholeheartedly. “You read my mind.” 

Ben chuckles, and gives Callum his phone back. “I guess Lola was right when she said that we’d get along.” 

“It’s really off-putting.” Jay speaks up.

Ben’s sitting on the sofa, slouching into a position that doesn’t look even remotely comfortable. His legs are up on the coffee table in front of him, one foot balancing on the other. He’s got his phone in his hand, and there’s barely enough time between him putting it down to rest against his chest before it vibrates and buzzes, indicating a notification. He looks up at Jay, who is sitting on the floor, close to the television, holding a game controller in his hands. 

“What is?” Ben asks, looking over the top of his phone. 

Jay huffs out a short laugh and waves his hand in Ben’s direction, up and down his body. “Ben, mate, you’re smiling every single time that bloody phone goes off.” Of course, his phone buzzes again at that very second, and Ben practically scrambles to read the message. “Case in point.” Jay laughs. 

Ben rolls his eyes, blocking Jay’s voice out. A smile does grow on his face though, unrelenting and bright and this time, he catches himself doing it. 

“Is it Callum?” Jay asks, pushing himself up off of the floor. He takes just a few steps and sits down next to Ben.

Ben shrugs. “Why?” He asks. “What makes you think that?”

“Oh, well let’s just see.” Jay teases, pushing his body into the cushions on the sofa. “I haven’t seen you like this in, well…I’ve never seen you like this before. It’s been three full days since our night out, and I know you swapped numbers, and it’s been three days of seeing you like this, mate.”

Silence falls between them for a moment, and Ben tilts his head to look at Jay. “Alright.” He concedes. “It’s Callum.”

“Mate, that’s amazing.” Jay giddily shouts out. His hands are on Ben’s arms and shaking him slightly, forcing a shy grin out of Ben. “I knew it!” 

Laughter bubbles out of Ben and he rolls his eyes. “It’s early days, don’t get too excited.”

“But you like him, yeah?” Jay grins, looking at Ben expectantly.

Now that’s a question. 

Does Ben like Callum?

Ben looks up to the ceiling and closes his eyes for a beat or two. “Yeah.” He whispers out. “I do. Fuck, Jay, I like him.”

Worry and anxiety courses through Ben for the first time as he comes to the sudden realisation that he actually likes Callum, even after only meeting him once and texting him relentlessly for a few days. 

Jay chuckles softly. “That’s not a problem, idiot, so stop acting like it is. Have you made plans to see him again?” 

Ben nods. “We’ve just been talking about having a film night.” He explains.

“So it’s a date?” Jay asks, smiling.

“No!” Ben’s adamant. “At least I don’t think it is. He didn’t say it was.”

Jay raises an eyebrow. “But he didn’t say it wasn’t either?” He asks, and when Ben nods, he talks again. “So, go? It’s that simple Ben. If you like him and you want to get to know him better, you need to be doing these things. It won’t all suddenly click into place unless you both put the effort in.”

Ben breathes out a shaky breath. “Right.”

So he agrees to the film night over at Callum’s, and two days later, he’s standing outside the front door, wondering whether to knock or ring the bell, or simply just text Callum. 

He waits for a moment, his hand in mid air, and then he realises that he needs to do something beyond standing there like a statue, so he raps his knuckles against the door in a rhythmic motion. He shakes his shoulders, trying to brush the stress he’s feeling off of him, as though that’s possible, and then he hears the click of the door.

“Hey.” Callum grins, peeking his head around the side of the door. Ben smiles back at him sincerely, and within seconds, Callum’s opening the door entirely, allowing Ben to walk in.

Ben tries to avoid Callum’s eyeline, suddenly feeling really shy and nervous about the whole situation. Is this a date? Does Callum like him in that way? His mind races in overtime, and the next thing he’s aware of is sitting down in Callum’s front room, looking around at all the photos and candles and things that make a house, a home. 

“You don’t need to be nervous, you know?” Callum asks through a chuckle. He can clearly see how tense Ben looks. “There’s no pressure for this to be anything other than two mates watching films together.”

Ben chuckles and bites his lip to stop him from embarrassing himself. “Until Lola finds out and puts pressure on us, you mean?” He jokingly says, though he really wouldn't be surprised if that happens. “Actually, I’m fairly confident she already has a list of double date ideas saved in her phone.”

Callum snorts out a laugh at that and sits down next to Ben, their knees brushing against each other. “Oh she definitely has. Trust me, if you ever hear the words laser and quest , run. Don’t let her drag you into her plans.”

“At least it’s not a meal at an expensive restaurant. I couldn’t think of anything worse.” Ben admits and he watches as Callum controls the television in front of them, flicking through film upon film, and occasionally looking back at Ben.

“This one?” Callum asks, leaving the synopsis to the film open on the screen. Ben quickly reads through it, though he doesn’t particularly care - he’s not fussy, he’ll watch anything, and then he nods, and Callum’s pressing a button to start it up. “What about Jay, anyway?” Callum asks.

Ben turns his face to look at Callum, the opening title to the film playing quietly in the background. “What about him?” He asks.

Callum smiles sweetly, showing Ben that he means no harm. “The pact. Is he not wanting you to date people so that he can be with Lola guilt free?”

“Not really.” Ben says. “Neither of them are forcing me. Lola just took the first step in getting me out there, but I want to be here.” His words are honest and true and he’s got no idea where his newfound confidence has come from to be able to say that, but judging by the look on Callum’s face, he’s not mad about it.

“So you’re ready to move on from it?” Callum asks, and to combat Ben’s confidence, Callum has suddenly become shy. “The pact, I mean.”

There’s a pause for a moment as Ben tries to think of what to say or how to say it and then he shrugs. “I think so.” He admits, smiling shyly at Callum. 

Callum looks at Ben for a moment, a faint pink blush forming over his cheeks, rising right up to the tips of his ears. “Good.” He whispers in response.

“Do you fancy going on a date with me then?” Callum asks. He sounds so casual about it. “I’ve seen an advertisement for something happening this weekend. I thought you’d enjoy it.”

They’re on a video call together, eating their takeaways in front of the television, though it didn’t exactly take a long time for them to abandon the idea of them watching TV together in favour of talking about their week. It seems a bit redundant really, talking to each other about their week, especially considering they’ve told all the stories before, texting each other with the latest gossip - but this is nice and relaxing and neither of them have it in them to complain that they already know the stories. It’s just nice to be able to talk to each other like this. 

Ben lets a smile grow across his face, unabashed. He doesn’t care if Callum sees this genuine smile in the glowing pixels across the screen. “What?” Ben asks, his voice probably just as giddy as he feels. “Like an actual date?” 

Callum watches Ben’s reaction as though it’s the most important thing in the world. He supposes that right now, it probably is the most important thing in the world to him. “Yeah.” He breathes out, as though it’s simple. “Exactly like an actual date.”

“Seriously?” Ben asks. 

Callum raises an eyebrow and smirks. “Do you want me to ask someone else?” He teases. 

“No.” Ben rolls his eyes, and then his words spin around his head and he realises what he’s just said. “I mean, yeah. To the date. Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.” 

Callum smiles shyly, letting his head tilt to the floor. “I’ll book it then.” He confirms, and Ben doesn’t even have to get a clear view of his face to know that he’s smiling, because he can hear it in Callum’s voice.

A day passes by achingly slowly, and Ben’s certain that someone’s got it in for him, because all he wants to do is to see Callum again, and yet every time he looks at a clock, it feels as though an hour has passed, and yet it’s only been ten minutes since the last time he looked. 

It’s why he arrives at Callum’s house early. He massively overestimates the traffic, though a huge part of him was just excited to see Callum again, making him leave his house early. He sits outside for a moment or two, waiting in his car. He watches as kids go past his window, one on a scooter and the other running alongside them, trying to keep up with their friend on wheels. 

There’s silence in his car, until he sighs, looking at the clock and knowing that he’s ten minutes or so early - but surely that doesn’t matter? He gets out of his car, making sure to lock it after him. Ben watches his feet as he walks those few steps to Callum’s door, and he instinctively taps rhythmically and steps back a few inches. He shoves his hands in his jean pockets and waits for a couple of seconds and he sees the handle of the door being pushed down and the door opens and Callum’s standing there. 

“Sorry I’m ear-oh.” Ben says, his breath caught in the air. 

Callum’s standing in front of him, his hair flat against his head and curling into the corners of his eyes. He’s got a shirt on, but barely. It’s open against his chest, exposing most of his skin and it takes everything within Ben for him to pull his eyes away from the sight before him. 

Ben’s caught off guard and suddenly he forgets what it was he wanted to say. Instead, he lets his eyes trail back up Callum’s body, and nods towards his hair. It’s the first time he’s seen Callum like this, and he’s absolutely certain it’s not the last time he wants to see him like this either. “New look?” He teases. 

Confusion falls upon Callum’s face, remaining there for a few seconds, before he eventually realises. “Oh!” He says, and his face breaks out into a beaming grin, a blush forming across his cheeks. “I’m still getting ready. My hair apparently doesn’t want to co-operate today.” He opens the door wider, outstretching his arm to invite Ben inside. “You’re early.” 

“Yeah.” Ben says, stepping inside the house. He follows Callum, leading him into his bedroom where he’s still getting ready. “I overestimated the amount of traffic there would be.” He excuses. 

Callum grins. “So you didn’t just want to see me half naked then?” He teases, pointing down to the fact his shirt is quite clearly exposing him, as if Ben hasn’t already seen it. 

“That too, obviously.” Ben rolls his eyes. It’s easy. Scarily easy. He sits down on the edge of Callum’s bed, and watches as Callum moves around. 

Callum looks into the mirror and finishes off his hair, the fly away strands finally co-operating with him. He starts to fasten the buttons on his shirt, from the bottom upwards, and he looks into the mirror as he does so, noticing that Ben is watching him patiently, following his every move. He grins teasingly, which just so happens to catch Ben’s eye and he winks, directly to Ben. 

A shy smile forms on Ben’s lips, his cheeks burning into an inferno and he realises that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t have to have his wall up so much anymore, not for Callum.

“Done.” Callum says, breaking up Ben’s thoughts swirling around in his head. He runs his hands down his body, making sure that his shirt isn’t creasing up. “Ready to go?” He asks, picking up his car keys.

Ben nods with a tight smile and stands up, following Callum as he walks down the corridor towards the front door. “So where are we going?” He asks.

They reach Callum’s car and get in at the same time, doors shutting abruptly and the pull of the seat belts sounding together. 

“It’s a surprise.” Callum grins, starting the car up and pulling out onto his street. It wasn’t a surprise, he didn’t intend on that being the case, but Callum completely forgot to ever mention it to Ben, so for now, it can be a surprise. 

The radio plays as they drive, Callum focusing on the road in front of him. He knows where he’s going, he’s been there plenty of times before and he lets his eyes flicker over to Ben when they’re at a red light. He watches as Ben stares out of the window, looking at the influx of cars behind them. Callum notices that Ben’s quietly singing along to the radio, an old Frankie Valli song playing. He smiles and stretches his hand out slowly, tapping his fingers against Ben’s, warm skin touching warm skin. Ben looks down at his hand resting on his own thigh, and smiles softly at Callum’s hand being there too. He spreads open his fingers, hoping that Callum takes the hint, and thankfully, he does. He lets his fingers intertwine with Ben’s, resting them against Ben’s thigh peacefully. Ben turns the music up slightly louder and his voice grows in confidence alongside it, singing bravely now. He looks at Callum and grins, singing a line about it all being too good to be true, unable to take his eyes off of Callum.

Something outside of the car catches his eyes. “The parks up here.” Ben aimlessly comments. “I used to go with Jay when I was younger. Had my first kiss there.”

Callum chuckles. “Should I be jealous?” He teases, letting his thumb run over Ben’s knuckles.

Ben looks at Callum with a beaming grin. “I wouldn’t be, it was horrible.”

There’s a long line of cars all basically stationary, moving painstakingly slow, inch by inch. When they eventually move closer, Ben notices that cars are turning into the park, right in the entrance he used to walk through. “Is something going on up here?” Ben questions, because he’s heard about the owners of the park putting different events on for the past few years when the weather entices people to go out. 

Callum smiles shyly. “I thought we’d come to a drive thru film night.” He admits, shrugging his shoulders. “I heard about it a few weeks ago, but then Lola and Jay told me you like musicals. It’s Grease playing.” 

“I love them.” Ben grins. Normally, that’s a fact he would hate people knowing about, but he doesn’t even care about Callum knowing, not after surprising him with this. 

“Good.” Callum says and he’s finally able to turn into the park, driving up to the huge screen.

It doesn’t take them long to find a spot amongst the crowd. There’s more cars here than Callum thought would be possible. The film starts and Ben sings quietly along to the soundtrack, letting his eyes flicker over to Callum and catching him singing along too. It’s amazing. They’re still holding onto each other, their fingers comfortable in place, locking together perfectly. Callum lets his thumb circle Ben’s skin and it never once stills. 

Ben reaches over to get popcorn, the box resting on Callum’s knees, and he notices a rumbling coming from Callum and when he looks up at his face, he sees Callum trying to not burst out laughing, though it’s proving impossible. 

“What are you laughing at?” Ben asks, and he’s clearly confused because this isn’t even a funny part of the film. He’s got no idea what’s going on. 

The questioning just cracks Callum up more, and he lifts their hands together, unravelling his index finger to point at a car to the side of them. Ben pauses for a moment, narrowing his eyes and then - “Oh.” He exhales, his breath turning into a laugh. “Surely they must know people can see them.” 

“That makes it worse!” Callum says, loosening his hold on Ben’s hand, moving so his arm is around Ben’s shoulder softly. 

Ben turns his head towards Callum, finally managing to look away from the couple who are quite clearly having sex in public. He doesn’t realise that they’re so close now, faces barely centimetres apart. Ben lets his eyes flicker up to Callum’s eyes and then back down to his lips, not daring to look away from him.

He pushes himself forward and latches onto Callum’s lips, soft and inviting and perfect. He’s been waiting for this for so long now - they both have. Callum grins into the embrace, and Ben follows suit the second he feels a growing smile against his lips. Their arms wrap around one another, fingers threading through hair and the film is long since forgotten about, the both of them just focusing on each other. Neither of them want to pull apart, but they have to, eventually, struggling to breathe.

“I’ve wanted to do that for ages.” Ben breathes out, looking up at Callum, letting his eyes rest on his now glossy lips. 

Callum lets out a chuckle, pulling Ben into a hug, resting his chin on the crown of Ben’s head for a moment before he moves once more, pressing a gentle kiss into his hair instead, breathing in deeply. “Same.”

There are far too many people in the pub for a hot afternoon. It’s sticky, and unbearably warm, even with all the doors and windows being left open to let the fresh air in. Ben and Jay are keeping hold of their table, making sure that people don’t take advantage of the two currently vacant seats to either side of them. A stranger walks past and nudges into Jay, who practically rolls his body forward and pushes against the table as he carries on his conversation with Ben. 

“So you kissed?” He asks, and honestly, it’s like he’s a teenage girl meeting up with her best friend - not a supposedly adult man. “Why didn’t you say?”

Ben shrugs, folding the coaster against the table, pulling its fraying edges away. “Because it’s not a big deal. He just took me on a date and we kissed. That’s all.”

  Jay rolls his eyes, and he catches a glimpse of Lola and Callum waiting at the bar, clearly engrossed in their own conversation. “You like him, bruv. It’s a big deal. I just don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me about stuff like this. And I don’t want him to hurt you either.”

The money conversation between Jay and Lola goes unsaid and unspoken about. Jay doesn’t want to hurt Ben by telling him, even though he’s certain it’s not that big of a deal - Lola hasn’t paid him, and Callum doesn’t even seem to care about the monetary gain from dating Ben. It seems like this is real, they both really like each other.

Ben nods. “I do. Like him, I mean.” He admits. “And I know I can speak to you about anything. I just didn’t think it was that big of a deal.” 

Callum leans against the bar, holding onto his empty pint glass, letting his thumb run around the top of the glass as he patiently waits for the staff to make their way to him. Lola’s standing next to him, holding onto her purse, silently praying that nobody gets too close to her. She can stand up for herself on any given day, it’s instilled in her - but today it’s too hot, and she doesn’t have it in her to argue or fight.

She catches her best friend looking back towards their table, his eyes lingering over Ben’s body, even though the back of his head is all that Callum can see. Lola smiles to herself and shakes her head slightly. “You really like him, don’t you?” She asks, nudging Callum’s side, causing him to avert his eyes away from Ben. 

Callum looks at her and smiles shyly. There’s no hiding from the truth, he knows that. A blush forms across his cheeks as he speaks. “Yeah.” He admits. “There’s something there, I reckon.” 

Lola lets out a quiet yet excitable squeal, though with the ringing in Callum’s ear, she wasn’t that quiet. “Did you kiss?” She asks, her grip on Callum’s arm getting tighter by the second. “Please say you did!”

“Will you let go of me if I say we did?” He asks, laugh bubbling out of his mouth. “We kissed.” 

A secondary squeal erupts from Lola, this time even louder, causing far too many people to look in their direction. 

“Alright, calm down!” Callum chuckles. “It was just a kiss.” 

“With Ben!” Lola grins. “That’s a huge deal.” 

Callum rolls his eyes and he’s eternally grateful when the staff finally come over to serve them, because he knows the conversation won’t continue.

They carry two drinks each as they walk back over to their chosen table, trying to avoid everyone as they move around a man-made obstacle course.

“What are we talking about then?” Lola grins as she puts the drinks down on the table, knowing she’s just interrupted a conversation between Ben and Jay. She’s about as subtle as a brick.

Jay looks up at her and then lifts his phone, watching as Callum gives Ben his pint with a sly wink. “Someone we went to school with.” Jay starts. “He’s having a party at the weekend. Wanted to know if we’d come.”

“A house party?” Callum rolls his eyes. Been there, done that. “Won’t it be full of kids?”

“Strictly over eighteens only, old man.” Jay teases. “It’s been ages since I went to a house party. It’ll probably be the last one we ever get to go to!” 

Lola takes a sip of her drink. “It could be fun, I guess.” 

Callum looks at Ben, who he finds is already looking up at him. “Are you going?” He asks, voice quiet.

Ben shrugs. “I’ll get dragged along anyway.” 

There’s a pause for a moment or two, and Callum realises he’s outnumbered. He sighs, defeated, and takes a gulp of his pint.

Lola chuckles, holding up her pinky finger and circling it with the index finger of her other hand, indicating that Ben has Callum wrapped around his little finger. 

Callum just rolls his eyes, ignoring his best friend, but he knows it’s true, even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself. Ben chuckles, watching it all unfold in front of him and he can’t help himself from leaning into Callum’s chest, feeling comfortable when Callum’s arms instinctively wrap around him.

The rest of the week passes by in a blur of Ben and Callum constantly being around one another, sharing kisses and jokes and indulging in takeaways and the latest binge-watchable television show. It’s scary how easy and normal it’s all become so quickly. It just feels right. Like this was always meant to be for them. The weekend soon comes around and the house party plans are still in place.

All four of them pass by a group of people standing in the front garden smoking a mix of cigarettes and vapes, holding tight onto their beers in their free hand and chatting away with each other loudly. People are leaning against brick walls, even sitting down in the dewy grass, seemingly not caring about how cold and wet they must be. Music blares out from the open front door, and it’s oddly exactly like being a young teenager again, pretending to go over to your friends house just to go to a party.

Callum has an arm around Ben’s waist, feet closely behind Ben’s as he follows him into the house. He leans forward ever so slightly, his mouth against the back of Ben’s ear, hot. “Do you even know any of this lot?” He asks. His arm across Ben is protective, but mostly he just wants to be near him all the time now. It’s nice, endearing even. Especially in this situation. 

Ben softly chuckles to himself as he turns his face to the side, able to just about see Callum in his peripheral vision. “I wouldn’t even be able to recognise Mikey, and it’s his house.” He admits. “I may have gone to school with them, but I wasn't exactly one of the popular ones. The minute I left that place, I forgot about most of the people there.” 

Callum nods, accepting. He gets that. 

Jay and Lola are standing in front of them now, until Jay spots someone he clearly half knows and raises a hand to wave to them before going alone to speak to them. Lola turns back, and walks towards Ben and Callum. Ben turns behind them and finds a six pack of beers just sitting there on the side. He grabs three out quickly, and passes one to Callum and the other to Lola, keeping hold of the third for himself.

“Whose are these?” Lola asks, though she opens it nonetheless.

Ben just shrugs his shoulders, popping open the can and taking a first swig. “Who cares?” He asks. “I doubt anyone’s going to start questioning people over three missing beers. Especially not in the state half of them are in.”

Callum smiles shyly at Ben, a blush curling across his cheeks, though he would probably get away with saying it’s from the heat of the room if anyone interrogates him about it. Lola sees right through him. She’s known Callum for too long to not understand what every look means. She knows Callum’s caught feelings for Ben, probably more feelings than he’s willing to admit to himself, let alone to Lola.

Lola nudges Callum’s arm and grins. “Cuties.” She coos teasingly, her eyes flickering between Ben and Callum.

Callum blushes even further now, transforming into a deeper pink shade, swirling all the way up to the tips of his ears. Ben, in response, rolls his eyes in faux annoyance, though the smile creeping onto his face shows his true feelings. 

“I’ll go and find Jay.” Ben says, taking another sip of his beer in an attempt to hide the bright grin across his lips. “Try and save him from starting up a premature school reunion.” 

Callum watches with soft eyes as Ben walks away in search of his best friend. He stands there, cherry blossom blush still across his cheeks and a warm smile on his lips. He can’t tear his eyes away from Ben, not even for a minute, letting his eyesight trail into the distance, following Ben until he eventually disappears in a blur of a crowd of people.

Lola looks on, watching it all unfold in front of her. “Are you sure you’re not in love?” Lola asks teasingly, still watching as her best friend looks into the distance. 

There’s a pause between them as Callum’s heart sinks for a second, a sickly feeling making its way up his body. He doesn’t even need to respond for Lola to speak again, she can see it as clear as day. “Oh my God.” She says breathlessly. “You are! You’re in love with Ben Mitchell.” 

Callum rolls his eyes, moving his arm to try and get the jumping Lola off of him. “Don’t be stupid.” He retaliates. “I’m not in love with the bloke, we’ve just been out a few times, that’s all.”

“So explain this.” Lola says.

“Explain what?” Callum narrows his eyes, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“This!” Lola practically shouts, waving his arms in front of Callum’s body as though it’s blatantly obvious. “Callum, you can’t stop looking at him when he’s not near you. When he is near you, you can’t take your hands off each other. When you’re apart you’re always texting. You’ve never been like this before.”

Callum tuts non-committedly. “I’m not in love.” He says firstly, and then takes a swig of his drink. “Not yet, anyway.”

Lola grins brightly. “This is amazing.” She says. “You’re falling in love, Ben clearly feels the same way too. I mean, he looks at you in the same way and according to Jay he doesn’t shut up about you when they’re together. And the best part about it all? I’ve not lost any money.” 

Callum rolls his eyes in response, though his mind is racing after hearing that Ben talks about him with Jay. It makes sense, of course, because he knows that he speaks about Ben with Lola, but just hearing it sends a shiver down his spine. 

“I’m such a matchmaker!” Lola squeals giddly. “Maybe I could get a job doing it.” 

Callum lets out a soft huff of a laugh at that. “What, you want to become the human Tinder?” He chuckles. “Walking around with someone single asking every person you come across if they’d date them?”

Lola tuts and rolls her eyes, but her giddiness doesn’t subside. 

The stars and the moon hang high up in the sky, clear of any clouds obscuring their beauty. With their ears still ringing from the music playing far too loud all night and their noses tingling from the cold air they’re walking in, Ben and Callum try to make it back to Ben’s house. The party is long since over with people disappearing sometime between midnight and one in the morning, the crowd dissipating out to the local clubs. The air is cold and as they walk, shadows on the floor cast around them, swimming in the fluorescent glow of the street lights that illuminate the pavement.

They’re both just as tipsy as each other, and Callum stumbles over a crack in the pavement, taking a few steps to regain his normal walking pace. Ben lets out a laugh, breaking the silence of the night as they get closer to Ben’s house. 

“Do I need to hold your hand?” Ben asks, taking his own hands out of his pockets now, as though to make a point. “To make sure you don’t fall over, I mean. I don’t fancy spending the rest of the night in A&E because you’ve got a broken arm.” 

Callum looks back and there’s a beaming grin spreading across his lips. “Is that your way of making the first move to hold my hand?” He cheekily asks. 

Ben rolls his eyes but there’s a grin to rival Callum’s on his face too. He moves quicker, skipping a few steps in his stride and soon he’s catching up with Callum, swinging his arm out so that his knuckles brush against Callum’s, fingers intertwining together. Ben brushes his thumb against Callum’s skin warmly and they walk together now, side by side for the rest of the walk to Ben’s house.

“Imagine if Jay and Lola saw us now.” Callum laughs. “They can’t stop talking about us, you know? Lola was telling me that today.”

A soft laugh falls from Ben’s lips as they walk alongside the row of houses leading to Ben’s. “They’re probably more invested in our relationship than their own at this point.” He admits.

They reach his front door, their hands still intertwining together, warm. “Is that what this is?” Callum asks sweetly. “A relationship?”

He watches with an endearing smile as Ben shrugs his shoulders shyly, looking to the floor to try and avoid Callum’s eyeline. Callum uses his free hand to lock his index finger under Ben’s chin, pressing against the short stubble, pushing up slightly in an attempt to get Ben to look up to him. 

Eventually, Callum gets his way and Ben looks up, their eyes catching each other. Callum smiles toothly and somehow Ben gets this sudden burst of energy and his shyness disappears as he leans forward, pressing his lips to Callum’s with a clash. It knocks Callum back for a second or two as his brain tries to catch up with what’s happening, and then his hands go to either side of Ben’s face, embracing him as the kiss continues.

The kiss doesn’t last much longer, though Callum really wants it to. No kiss is ever long enough, when Ben’s in the mix. Ben pulls away and instantly looks back down. “Sorry.” He mutters out.

Callum runs his thumb over Ben’s cheek, helping to calm him down, soothing. He bites at his lip and silently prays that Ben will soon look back up at him again. “Why are you apologising?” Callum asks. 

Ben looks back up at Callum through his fluttering eyelashes and he’s just about to speak when Callum reciprocates the kiss with a beaming grin. 

A moment or two passes by and then Ben’s leaning into the kiss too, and he’s so grateful that he already unlocked his front door because Callum’s pushing him against the frame, deepening the kiss. Ben opens up the door, stepping backwards inside and Callum follows his footsteps, stepping into the hallway too. Ben manages to spin them around, so he’s directing Callum, holding onto his body as they kiss and stumble over the stairs up to Ben’s bedroom. They stand on the landing, just a few metres away from Ben’s room, only a door separating them from what happens next.

Ben’s hands are against Callum’s chest, fingertips dipping into his shirt, brushing against skin. They stand there, swaying in time to the music of their hearts. Ben grins and unbuttons Callum’s shirt, one by one, getting lower and lower as he exposes more of his skin. 

Callum pulls away from the kiss, though he can’t bear to part from Ben and so his forehead presses against Ben’s, sweating and together. “Are you sure?” Callum whispers out, looking directly into Ben’s eyes, holding onto his waist and rubbing his thumbs around in circular motions.

Hands still against Callum’s chest, lying flat now, Ben moves his forehead away from Callum, wanting to see him properly, not just up close with blurry eyes. He nods slowly. “More than sure.” Ben admits freely. He steps closer to Callum now, their chests pressing against each other, invading his space. Ben’s lips attach to Callum’s neck, hot and wanting. 

Callum pulls on Ben’s jeans, fingers hooking around his belt loops, pulling their bodies in time with one another. Ben grins and pushes his body forward, catching Callum letting them walk together, Callum opening up the door backwards, taking himself into Ben’s room.

It’s as though every touch just makes perfect sense. They move together intrinsically, shirts falling in a heap on the floor, soon joined by jeans and then underwear. There’s touches and kisses and soft moans against skin as they become one. Scratches stain the expanse of Callum’s back and on Ben’s chest live red marks, glistening in the light that streams in from the street outside.

The curtains are still open throughout it all, but neither of them care enough to close them in the moment. 

Callum pushes into Ben rhythmically, moving to the beat of their hearts. It’s breathless, both of them moving together, cheering each other on with soft moans in ears, hot and wet and perfect. Ben leaves scratches on Callum’s skin, feeling his toes curl into the mattress as he feels his insides twisting and turning. Huffs fall from Ben’s lips, his chest heaving and Callum can’t help but grin, knowing that he’s the one who’s made Ben react like this, knowing he feels the exact same way at this moment. It’s never been like this before, ever. He presses his lips and his nose to Ben’s neck, not caring about the sweat marks that drip down against his skin. Instead he grins, his chest against Ben’s, moving together as they catch their breath. Ben’s hands explore Callum’s body further, warm hands against an even warmer body. Callum smiles and pulls away, looking at Ben with soft eyes. 

“You good?” He asks, and his voice is deep in his throat and he actually witnesses Ben’s blush turning into a deeper rouge as he gulps down. 

Ben nods, raising a hand to wipe his hair out of his face. He doesn’t get the chance to do that though, because Callum beats him to the chase, delicately brushing his hair off of his forehead, out of the way of his eyes. Ben watches Callum’s every move. “More than good.” Ben says. “Amazing, even.” 

Callum chuckles softly, leaning down to kiss Ben gently. “You’ll give me a big head if you carry on.” He jokes. 

They could stay like this forever, free, without a care in the world, apart from making each other happy. 

Afterwards though, Ben climbs out of the bed, completely naked, and draws the curtains to a close. The light is majorly hidden now, apart from a few loose rays that manage to slip through the gaps where the curtains meet the wall, spilling out onto the carpet. He turns around and he can just about make out Callum smiling at him, a lazy and tired grin across his lips. “Come back here.” He whispers out, raising one arm up into the air and letting the other pull at the bed sheets, exposing his naked body into the cold of the night.

Ben chuckles softly, wondering how on earth he’s managed to get this lucky, and clambers back into the bed, letting Callum wrap his arms around his body. They kiss slowly, taking their time. There’s no rush, not now anyway. It’s so peaceful, it all makes sense. Every touch is perfect, every kiss is warm. “No regrets?” Ben asks, running his fingers through Callum’s loose hair. 

Callum turns his face to the side, his lips against Ben’s wrist. He presses a gentle kiss, and then turns to face Ben again. “No.” He admits. “No regrets. Never.” 

They kiss once more before they settle down to sleep, the fact it’s the early hours of the morning finally catching up with them. Callum wraps his arms around Ben, the younger man's back against Callum’s front, their legs twisting around each other, trapped. Ben locks his fingers with Callum’s, with the hand closest to Ben’s face. The other remains around his side, warm. Ben moves their hands and gently kisses Callum’s skin before settling down properly, allowing himself to practically sink into Callum. 

Callum smiles instinctively and gently squeezes Ben’s hand in retaliation before craning his neck forward just a little bit and pressing a kiss to the back of Ben’s neck, right where his hair starts to prickle. 

It’s soft, and as they both fall into a deep sleep they both start to realise that they’re in trouble now because it’s obvious that they’re starting to fall in love. 

The middle of the night hours pass by and, come morning, a different light starts to creep in through the gaps in the curtains. Instead of the artificial fluorescent glow of the streetlights, it’s a cleaner golden glow that illuminates the bedroom. It hits the floor first, and then slowly lights up the walls, and then eventually creeps up onto the bed sheets, shining bright in Ben’s face.

He tries to twist and turn to escape the warm sun, begging and pleading for an extra half an hour in bed, not ready to drift away from his dreams just yet. Usually, he’s able to turn around, face away from the sun. But today, something is holding him down. Warm, comforting.

Callum. 

A smile creeps onto Ben’s face, slowly coming around to the idea of opening his eyes. He just breathes for a moment or two, allowing himself to completely take in the feeling of Callum’s arms around his body, holding onto him as if he never wants to let go. Ben doesn’t want him to. He’s comfortable here.

He opens his eyes slowly, quickly blinking for a few times because absolutely nothing can prepare him for how bright the sun is at this time of day. When his eyes begin to adapt to the abrupt change, he realises how blurry everything still is, so he stretches to his bedside table, trying to not disturb Callum, reaching for his glasses. He puts them on and rests back down, sinking into the pillows.

Callum’s hand is still in the same position as the night before and Ben softly smiles, reaching his own hand up towards Callum’s, using his index finger to lightly draw aimless patterns into Callum’s skin, basking in the glow of the morning. 

It stays like that for what feels like an age, Ben drawing patterns onto Callum’s skin. It’s so peaceful, with no sound disrupting them bar the tweeting of the early morning birds singing their song. Ben feels himself lulling back into a sleep, and if he’s honest, he’s willing to spend all day in bed like this, because it’s that perfect. But then Callum’s hand softly encloses around Ben’s, indicating that he’s woken up. Ben’s breath hitches for a second, and then he feels Callum tightening his hold on Ben, his hand large and warm against his side. 

“Mornin’.” Callum groans out, his voice deep and husky, tiredness evident. He lets his head rest against Ben’s bare back, breathing him in.

Ben chuckles softly, managing to turn around and face Callum now. “Did I wake you up?” He asks, running his fingers through Callum’s loose hair. 

Callum lets out a gentle hum. “I don’t mind though.” He admits. “Not when I get to wake up next to you.”

Ben lets his head fall in the crook of Callum’s neck, letting out a laugh. “I bet you say that to everyone.” Ben teases, rolling his eyes. 

There’s a shake of Callum’s head almost instantly, and his hand flies up instinctively to play with Ben’s hair now. “Only you.” Callum whispers out. “I promise you that.”

“You don’t regret it then?” Ben asks, looking up at Callum through his fluttery eyelashes. 

Callum smiles softly, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Ben’s lips. “Never.” He admits. “Can we go and make some breakfast though? I’m starving.” 

Ben rolls his eyes but grins nonetheless. “Pancakes?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re perfect.” Callum grins, tilting his head down to kiss Ben once again. “So perfect.”

They end up downstairs in the kitchen no less than ten minutes later, now at least half dressed. Ben’s wearing just his boxers, though his body is hidden by his dressing gown draping over his frame, left open to expose his body. Callum is also partially clothed, wearing boxers and an old shirt of Ben’s. It’s tight on him, especially around the arms, but he doesn’t care. It somehow still smells of Ben, even though it’s probably been sitting in the back of his wardrobe for far too long. 

The frying pan sizzles away as Callum pours in the pale mixture, watching carefully as it falls to the edges of the pan, forming what seems to be a perfect circle. He lets it brown for a moment, enjoying the serenity of being around Ben with nobody else there. It’s nice. Ben’s humming away to a familiar tune, and it makes Callum smile, because there’s something so domestic about it. 

Ben stands as close to Callum as humanly possible, their elbows nudging against one another with every movement. Ben grins shyly, and Callum puts his arm around Ben’s waist, holding them both in place together. He squeezes Ben’s waist, letting the tips of his fingers dip into Ben’s boxers ever so slightly. 

“Careful.” Ben says with a glowing smile on his face. “This knife is proper sharp, you know?” 

Callum chuckles, closing his eyes slightly as he tilts his head back. He watches as Ben carefully chops up bananas and strawberries, putting them on separate plates. “It seems to me that you asked to make pancakes, and here I am, making them myself.” Callum points out.

Ben grins, putting the knife down and looking up at Callum. He stands on the tips of his toes for a second or two, leaning up to press a gentle and yet cheeky kiss to Callum’s jawline. “I’ve helped.” He states. “You wouldn’t have fruit if it wasn’t for me chopping them all up.”

“How could I ever repay you?” Callum monotonously replies, placing the last pancake on a plate, stacking up three for each of them. 

A hum leaves Ben’s throat, cherry blossom blush spreading across his cheeks, the pinkness falling down to his chest. “I’m sure we can come to some sort of agreement.” He practically giggles out.

Callum sits down first, putting the plates on the table, sitting opposite each other. Ben joins him barely seconds later, already putting bananas on top of his pancakes, closely followed by syrup. 

It’s nice. Peaceful. The kitchen window is open ever so slightly, and the twittering of birds from the trees outside provides the soundtrack of their breakfast. Underneath the table, their legs wrap around each other, skin touching skin. It’s as though they can’t bear to be apart even for a second. They shyly smile at one another as they eat and the whole situation is just sickeningly sweet. 

Callum drinks the last of his cup of tea whilst Ben puts all of the crockery and cutlery in the sink. There’s something so domestic about it.

“Fancy going out later?” Ben asks, walking around the back of Callum, wrapping his arms around his neck, leaning down to kiss his cheek. 

Callum turns his face, leaning into a kiss with Ben, an overwhelming taste of syrup between them. “‘Course.” He says with a smile as he pulls away from the kiss, watching Ben up close and personal. “I should get going soon. Before anyone catches me.”

Ben pouts for a moment, and Callum lets out a soft, breathless chuckle. If he could, he would stay here forever. He leans forward, meeting Ben in the middle for yet another kiss, sweet and slow and timeless. 

Time passes by, their slow morning going even more slowly, but Callum’s standing at the front door nearly an hour later, now fully clothed in his outfit from the night before. The door’s open, and Callum’s standing outside on the concrete steps. 

“I’ll call you.” Callum says. “About tonight.” 

Ben nods and smiles, standing inside of his house, now wearing more clothes and looking more presentable. He stretches up, wrapping his arms around Callum’s neck, linking his hands together. He’s standing on the tips of his toes and Callum’s grinning, putting his hands firmly on Ben’s waist and holding their bodies together. Ben’s lips press against Callum’s with a smirk, warm and inviting. It’s only a goodbye kiss, but it’s perfect. 

“I’ll see you later.” Ben whispers, and he bites at his bottom lip anxiously until Callum leans in for a secondary kiss. 

Lola steps down off of the curb into the middle of the road, looking around to double check that no cars are making their way around the Square. “Oh my God.” She lets out giddily, her arm flying towards Jay. She hits him right in the chest, instantly winding him, but she doesn’t care about that right now. “Look!” She squeals out, raising her arm to point in the direction of Ben’s house. 

Jay follows the direction of her index finger through his now watery eyes, watching as Ben and Callum stand in full view of them, kissing and hugging. 

Callum steps away from Ben, walking down the concrete stairs and towards the tube station. Ben leans against the door frame, a beaming smile spreading across his face as he watches Callum leave. 

“We need to speak to Ben.” Lola says, her voice brimming with excitement. 

“Do we?” Jay asks, but he follows her nonetheless. “Or are you just nosy?”

Lola rolls her eyes, looking back at her boyfriend. “Like you don’t want to know all the gossip too!”

Lola raps her knuckles against Ben’s front door, her motions loud and obnoxious, the excitement showing in how quickly and loudly she knocks against the door. There’s a beaming, giddy grin on her face as she waits there impatiently for Ben to respond to her noise and open the door. If there’s one thing that Lola loves, it’s gossip. Especially this kind of gossip. The kind that involves her closest friends.

“This is ridiculous.” Jay says, rolling his eyes to the back of his head as they stand there, waiting for the door to open. “He’s going to think we’re stalking him.” 

Lola’s hand flies out, swatting Jay away. “No he won’t!” She says, as though she’s a hundred percent sure of it.

“Well maybe he should.” Jay deadpans.

Lola tuts. “I just want to know what’s going on. Callum’s my best mate, Jay, and Ben’s yours. Is there not even a tiny part of you that wants to know?” She asks.

Jay doesn’t even attempt to argue, because he knows that Lola’s caught him out there. He does want to know. Maybe not every single gory detail, like he’s certain that Lola does, but Ben’s truly happy for the first time in such a long time, and there’s a huge part of him that wants to know more about that. It’s nice, seeing him this happy. It’s been a long time coming.

“Thought so.” Lola chuckles, turning around to face the door again, just before it swings open, revealing Ben with a beaming grin and a flush on his cheeks. 

He stands at the door for a moment or two, his mind racing. It’s clear on his face that he’s trying desperately to hide the disappointment that appears after thinking Callum might’ve come back for whatever reason only to be confronted with Lola and Jay.

“Guess who we’ve just seen?” Lola grins, letting herself in the house. Jay follows closely behind, and Ben reaches the sofa before he responds. He sits down, allowing himself to sink into the cushions. 

Ben raises his arms, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know.” He says, though he’s got a grin growing across his mouth. “Bigfoot?” He teasingly asks. He knows full well that he’s been caught out, he knows they’ve seen Callum leaving his house.

Jay sits down on the sofa next to Ben, tilting his body slightly to the side in order to see him properly. He’s got one leg hooking under the other comfortably. “So.” Jay sighs, putting an elbow on the back of the sofa, resting his head on his hand. “Did you sleep with him or not?”

Ben’s eyebrows practically rise up to his hairline as he widens his eyes momentarily. “What, have I slept with Bigfoot?” He jokes, letting out a snort. “Do you know what mate, I can’t say that I have.”

Jay rolls his eyes and watches as Lola does too, sitting down on the arm of the sofa, rising high above them both and watching them impatiently. If Jay can’t get the gossip out of Ben, Lola certainly can. She has a way of knowing everything about everybody, somehow. 

“Callum!” Lola says. The shy smile on Ben’s face as the very mention of his name doesn’t go amiss. “We just caught him leaving this morning. I’m pretty sure I might’ve seen the two of you kiss, as well.” Her voice is warm, accepting. There’s a school giddiness about all of this and the shyness of Ben certainly gives his game away, unable to hide how he feels about it all. Unable to hide how he feels about Callum. 

There’s a shy grin across Ben’s face, a blush ferociously making its way across his skin, all the way across his cheeks and marking down his neck. “He might have stayed the night. Maybe, possibly, in my bed too.” He admits. “That’s all you’re getting out of me.”

“But you’re happy?” Lola asks, a giddy smile on her face too. 

Ben lets his eyes flicker between Jay and Lola, thinking to himself. Yeah , he thinks, I’m happy. “Very.” He verbalises. “I’m happy, I’m really happy - and I think Callum is too.” 

“Good.” Jay says, his hand flying out to gently hit against Ben’s arm. “You both deserve it.”

Ben rolls his eyes at his best friend. “Alright.” He teases. “Don’t start getting all soppy on me now.” 

Jay chuckles softly, and looks up at Lola with a smile. They both know there’s an elephant in the room that only they’re aware of. A sigh falls from Jay’s mouth. He knows he’s going to have to ask. There’s no way he can’t. He doesn’t want to hurt Ben, but not asking might hurt him in the long run. 

“So how did you get over it?” Jay finally asks, the feeling in the pit of his stomach growing exponentially. 

Confusion is written all over Ben’s face at Jay’s words. Both Jay and Lola know then, that Callum hasn’t told Ben about the money. 

“How did I get over what?” Ben asks, sitting forward with intrigue. He repeats himself when nobody talks. “How did I get over what ?” 

Jay knows he has to speak then, he has to explain it all. “Don’t get angry.” Jay begins, as if prefacing the situation with that would actually stop him from getting angry. “When me and Lola got together, me and you still had the pact. We knew that you and Callum would get on well, and you do, we were right. You’re both amazing together, Ben, you know that as well as I do. But Lola said that she’d pay him...to date you. It never happened, she’s never paid him, have you, Lo?”

Lola quickly shakes her head. “No, and I wouldn’t! I just said it as a joke, everything that has happened between you has been because of the two of you. We just - I don’t know, we just pushed you together.”

There’s an unnerving silence building between them, the tension palpable. Anger courses through Ben and he can feel hot tears bubbling away, threatening to escape his eyes. “Get out.” He says, his throat dry and his words sharp. It’s quiet the first time he says it, as if he’s unsure of himself. But the second time is loud, booming. “I said get out of my house!”

Jay stands up, because he knows Ben too well, he knows that the best thing for him to do when Ben gets angry like this is to leave him alone. Lola leaves first, worried and yet hurriedly leaving the house, needing to get some fresh air. Jay remains there for a second, hovering near the door, half of him wanting to stay and half of him wanting to leave. “He didn’t get paid, Ben. He likes you, you like him. Everything that happened is because you like each other.” 

Ben’s hand is on Jay’s bicep, pushing him towards the opened door. “Get out!” He says, tears starting to stream down his face now, not even bothering to hide how genuinely upset he is about this. He pushes Jay out onto the street and slams the door in his face instantly, a loud sound ringing in his ears from the anger pent up inside of him.

He drops his head to the door, not caring if he smashes his forehead against it, he doesn’t care about the headache that would inevitably follow in the coming hours. Instead he just lets himself cry freely. He balls his fist up and punches the door in anger, a gut wrenching sob escaping his lips as he turns his body, resting the back of his head against the door now, his eyes screwed tightly shut, already stinging with the salty tears. His legs give way from underneath him, feeling weak all of a sudden, and he slides his body down the door, sitting in a heap on his floor, legs up to his chest, his arms wrapping around them, cradling himself.

He cries and cries and cries until his throat is hoarse and his eyes are all puffy, his cheeks stained red and his chest aching. It’s a horrific feeling, one he never thought he would have to experience, not because of Callum. He’s let his guard down and fallen for Callum, well and truly fallen for him. But Callum has broken him, properly broken him. All he can think about is Callum and the money. Is he really that repulsive, that broken, that it would take money for people to get close to him?

Time passes by. Ben’s not sure how long exactly, but he knows he’s been sitting on the floor for a while. He’s starting to feel his body parts turn numb, and his eyes are stinging beyond belief, all puffy and he’s struggling in his ability to see anything beyond a mess of blurriness unless he really focuses. He doesn’t have the energy to stand up and start looking for his glasses, even though he really should because he’s beginning to feel a strain at his temples, a surefire sign that a migraine is about to commence soon.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, an annoying vibration against his body, cutting through the almost silent house, breaking up the relentless sobs. Ben takes his phone out, though his brain is screaming at him, telling him that he really shouldn’t do that. He tries hard to focus his eyesight, reading the words on the little screen in his hands. A tear obscures the words partially, falling down off of his cheeks onto the phone. He reads it again and again and again.

From: Callum

Did I leave my keys there? I’ve just got back and they aren’t in my pockets xx

Normally, he’d be ecstatic, seeing Callum’s name on his phone, reading his text, knowing that Callum is thinking about him. Right now though, he hates it. It makes him feel sick, like his stomach has swallowed his heart whole. His thumb runs over the words and then hovers over the space where he can send a message right back.

Usually, he wouldn’t even have to think about it, he’d just send a message back instantly, telling Callum to come back, or he’d let him know that he’ll go and meet Callum. He couldn’t think of anything worse than facing him right now, but there’s a tug on his heart, telling him to text him, because the worst thing about all of this is the fact that he’s still got feelings for Callum, and right now he’s not certain they’ll ever go away. He shakes his head, pulling him out of his thoughts, and locks his phone once again, temporarily stopping himself from texting Callum. 

Except, his phone starts buzzing again, this time for longer, and he knows he’s getting a call. His phone lights up with a picture of Callum, one taken on their first proper date, and he just looks so happy that it angers Ben. He throws his phone as far as he can, hearing it smash against the wall and clatter across the floor, probably breaking into pieces but he doesn’t care. He just cries once more, his sobs relentless and painful, his heart breaking all over again.

Callum nears his house, having walked the entire way home blissfully unaware of his movements. It’s like muscle memory, he knows exactly which way to walk without really having to think about it. He doesn’t remember a single thing, it’s as though his memory is all a blur, but the only thing he knows for certain is Ben. All of his contours, the way he moans, the way he laughs, the way he touches and kisses and smells. It’s all he can think about, and with a bright and beaming smile on his face, he stands in front of his home, staring at the bricks for a second before his brain starts to work properly again and he realises he needs his keys in order to get into the house.

He firstly goes into his left jean pocket, where he usually keeps his keys. They aren’t there. He then checks the remaining three pockets with a spark of worry in his demeanor. They aren’t there, he realises, he’s lost them somewhere. He sighs, mentally kicking himself. Thankfully, he keeps a spare key on the top of the window frame, hidden where usually only he can reach, considering he towers over most people he knows.

He reaches up, letting his hand tap gently to find the key, and when he locates it, he brings it down and opens up the front door. He walks in with a sigh, feet aching and he kicks off his shoes, not particularly caring where they end up. He sits down on the sofa, feeling his body ache and then he takes out his phone, sending a text over to Ben with a feeling of nervousness twisting away in his stomach. 

To: Ben

Did I leave my keys there? I’ve just got back and they aren’t in my pockets xx

He debates sending the message with two kisses for a while, wondering if he should just do one, or none at all. In the end though, he decides to go with two, and stares as the text goes from sending to delivered. A jolt of anxiousness sears through him, his head turning light and woozy as he stares at his phone, unable to tear his eyes away. He watches as the light on the screen dulls and dulls until it turns dark black as the phone locks and all he’s left with is his reflection staring right back at him. 

A giddiness jolts through him, wondering if Ben will ring him or just text him, maybe with a picture of the keys, with an open invitation of coming back to see him. It’s strange, this feeling that’s building inside of Callum with every passing moment. He’s never felt this way before, never felt a pull towards someone. He knows he’s in deep with Ben already. He misses him, not even an hour after kissing him goodbye at his door. It’s stupid, he knows this. He’s seeing him later in the day, they’ve already decided that. But he can’t help but feel this ache in his body, begging and pleading and praying that Ben would be there to make the ache disappear.  

He waits, though within a few minutes his giddiness turns into anxiousness because Ben is usually quick at responding to Callum. His phone doesn’t light up once. He places it down and tries to focus on the television, watching as the show flicks over to the adverts. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t watch them for even a second, but right now he desperately needs the distraction. They drag on, and he feels his eyes falling from the television to his phone, praying for it to light up or buzz, or just do something. It doesn’t. 

“Fuck.” He whispers out as he picks up his phone once more, lazily unlocking it. He berates himself for it, for needing to impatiently check his phone. The messages are already open, he doesn’t need to press anything. He reads over his message, worry running cold through his body. Then he sees it, right there, right underneath his message.

Seen.

Ben’s read the message, and completely ignored it. Ignored Callum.

There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and Callum completely deflates. His cheeks burn red, hot to the touch and for some reason, his thumb hovers over the call icon, and without really thinking about it, he presses down lightly and watches as the messages disappear and an outgoing phone call to Ben fills the screen. 

He puts the phone to his ear and he listens as it rings and rings and rings, an annoying beeping sound filling his entire being. He hates it, but most of all, he hates how long they ring out for. He’s close to just giving up, close to turning the call off and making an attempt at getting on with his day. But then the ringing stops, and there’s a second where his heart drops in his chest, and he’s confident that his breathing stops. He’s just about to speak out when he hears Ben’s voice, but it’s not what he was expecting.

“Hi, this is Ben Mitchell. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you if I like you enough.” The automated voicemail crackles out, and then there’s a shrill beep. 

It makes Callum pause for a minute, thinking about what it is he wants to say. He doesn’t have a plan. His breath hitches as he opens his mouth finally. “I-It’s Callum.” He stutters out. “You already know that, it says my name. I guess I just wanted to let you know that I’ve got a spare key and let myself into my house, but I still don’t know where my others are. I can come over and get them, if you’ve got them. Or...or we can just wait for tonight, if we’re still going out. That’s it I guess. Oh and I enjoyed last night. And this morning.” A chuckle escapes his mouth as he stumbles over his words, in a rush to get them out. “Anyway, I can’t wait to see you again, only if you want though.”

He puts the phone down and lets out a shaky, breathless sigh, his hands trembling. 

Ben’s distraught - that’s the only word for it. 

He’s still sitting there, in the hallway. His body is beyond numb now, but he doesn’t seem to notice, nor care. His throat aches, and his eyes sting under the pressure of the tears, cheeks starting to crust the tears dry. Eventually, Ben manages to calm himself down, but his energy is depleted. Even something as effortless as breathing requires some effort, forcing himself to focus on the beat of his pulse under his thumb. It’s then that he realises how numb his body is. 

There’s a crack of his back as he stands up with shaky legs. It’s strange, being sat in one uncomfortable position for so long. The first few steps he takes are stumbles more than clear cut steps. It’s like a toddler when they try to walk for the first time. He’s unable to walk in a straight line at first, legs practically everywhere as they try not to give way from underneath him. It takes a while, but he eventually manages to walk normally once again, until he reaches the remains of his phone. 

He looks down at it, smashed into pieces, fragments hanging off, or just off completely. Shakily, he crouches down to pick it up and there’s a sudden regret lacing through his body, regret because now he has to pay for another phone all because of his rash decision. 

There’s a roll of his eyes and he walks into his living room, putting the phone down on the coffee table harshly, not caring if he damages it even further, because it’s already completely broken. 

He sits down, letting his legs swing out and rest on the edge of the table, and then he rests his head against the back of the sofa, staring up at the lines in the ceiling. If he had the energy to do so, he’d count them all. He sits there, for how long he doesn’t know, just staring. His eyes start to blur, and tears fall down the side of his face, trickling down his neck, getting caught up in his stubble. The numbness remains, his heart aching and his throat dry. He sits with his throat scratchy and dry until he decides he can no longer take the pain and needs a drink to soothe him.

Slowly, he stands up once again, and this time walks over to his kitchen. His feet ache with every movement, like his body is heavy and weighing down on them, his bones sore. His body screams out at him to stop moving, but he chooses to ignore it, and instead carries on with the sluggish, painful movements. He eventually stops when he reaches the fridge, and he stands there, just staring at the object as though it’s going to open up by itself. A sigh escapes his mouth but it scratches at his dry throat, and a cough instantly follows it, causing tears to well up in his eyes once more at the annoying pain it causes him to feel. It seems like an age before he finds enough energy to open up the fridge, and when he does, the artificial light glares at him, straining his eyes. 

It’s full, stocked up with all of Ben’s favourite food and drinks, and it’s then that he remembers doing the weekly food shop. He moves his head to the side, feeling a burning pain across his neck, debilitating him for a second. It sears across his skin and usually when this happens, he winces and moves his head back to its normal position. This time though, he doesn’t. He just lets the pain continue, pushing and pushing until he starts to feel light headed.

He’s exhausted now, so much so that even looking at the food tires him out. He barely had enough energy to walk to the kitchen so he has even less energy to stand there cooking for any amount of time. He looks for any quick snacks that he could probably get away with eating, but his jaw begins to ache. His eyes roll to the back of his head and they remain there for a few moments, his eyesight flickering. A jarring sound beeps out from the fridge, indicating that it’s been open for too long, and Ben slams the door shut, instantly giving up on the idea of eating and drinking. He knows he’ll regret that decision soon enough, but right now he doesn’t have it in him to care too much. 

Instead, he just walks back towards the living room, trying desperately to keep his mind off of the topic of Callum and now how painfully sore his throat is. He sinks back down into the sofa, taking the weight off his feet, exhaustion slowly creeping through every bone in his body it seems like. A yawn breaks up his train of thought, his jaw cracking as his mouth opens wide. It causes yet another ache and pain in his body, a tingling warmth filling up his cheeks. 

Ben moves and reaches for the remote control, weakly pressing at a button to allow the television to flicker into life. Sound instantly fills the room, a raucous laughter brash and tinny as it spills out of the speakers. Ben winces slightly, the noise abrupt and loud. Instantly, he turns the volume down some, until it’s at a sensible level that wouldn’t require any noise complaints by his neighbours, but loud enough to drown out Ben’s thoughts. He just sits there, watching the screen completely numb. It’s halfway through a show, he knows that much. By the quality of it, it’s a repeat too, but he doesn’t care enough to change the channel over.

So he sits there, watching as these contestants answer out of date questions and slowly build up their money bank only to have one of them lose all of their collection by the end of the round. He zones out, seeing the images move and the audio still playing, but he doesn’t focus on any of that. Instead, he’s left alone with only his thoughts, his mind racing endlessly. 

Except, his thoughts don’t last forever. They’re broken only minutes later, when he hears the name. His name.

Callum.

Of course, out of all the channels, of all the programmes Ben could turn on, it just had to be a game show with a contestant having the same name as the one he’s desperately trying not to think about. In quick succession the name is all that seemingly gets said - or at least it’s all that Ben hears, fixating on it. It swarms his mind, Callum this, Callum that . It’s strange really, because Callum is truly all he’s thought about recently, and that’s made him happy. Not now though, not now that Ben knows the truth behind the man. 

His head starts to feel light and he mutes the television without even looking up at the screen or the remote, his muscle memory good enough to find the button without looking. Tears bubble up in his eyes, and within seconds they’re leaking down his cheeks, burning him up inside as his heart aches too, a tugging feeling in his chest. 

The muting of the television is in vain though, because Callum is all that remains in Ben’s mind, shaking now from hearing the name. He wants to scream and cry and shout and ask Callum why - why did he do this? Why did he have to go and ruin Ben’s life? It’s agonising, this relentless pain in his body, all stemming from the heart that’s breaking from inside his chest. It’s all-consuming. 

Tears continue to stream down his face, some collecting in his stubble as though he wants to store them, and some falling down towards the corners of his mouth, a salty taste remaining there. His body shakes as he lets it all out, grateful that nobody would be able to hear his sobs, except maybe for his neighbours, but he doesn’t care about them. 

It takes him a while, but eventually he finds the energy to stand back up. His body still aches, especially with every movement, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything now. Nothing makes sense. This time, his feet take him to his bedroom. The bed isn’t made, and if he’s honest, he’s glad about that, because at least now he knows he can just climb back into sheets in disarray, forgoing the extra energy it would take to pull the sheets out from their usually tightly tucked position. He falls onto the bed, his body aching and his mind exhausted. 

He climbs into his bed, balancing on one knee first, and then the other, and then he practically crawls inside, sinking down into the mattress. He lets it all consume him. The pillows are flat, but he puts his arm underneath them to make them rise slightly, instantly disregarding any thoughts about how numb his arm will turn out to be if he stays like this. He pulls the sheets over his body, groaning outwardly at the ache the stretch of his movement causes. It’s odd, because the sheets somehow feel heavy as he pulls at them, until they settle across his body, and then he finally finds comfort in them. 

His eyes sting under the tears, and when he rubs at them, they sting further. He wraps the sheets around him tightly, bundling them up underneath his chin, though more manages to fall down besides his nose. He doesn’t have the vigour to move once again, so he just remains like that, accepting his fate. It’s there that he inhales the scent of the sheets, a familiar refreshing mint scent, and instantly he knows what it is. He knows exactly where it’s from - who it’s from. 

Callum .

Tears bubble up in Ben’s eyes once again, stinging as they fall. He’s all that Ben can think about. He’s always there, in everything he does. The smell reminds him of Callum, of how happy they had been just a few short hours ago. It’s horrible, how life can change that quickly.

A few hours ago, he had been happy, lying in this very same bed with Callum, cuddling up to each other, warm and content. He had been counting all the freckles that scatter across Callum’s cheeks, taking him in. Callum had been holding onto Ben, stroking his cheeks and playing softly with his hair, brushing it back from it falling down in front of his eyes. They had been sharing aimless, perfectly imperfect kisses, with clashes of their teeth and full of grins. Words had only been spoken in whispers and they had each other.

Now, he’s alone and cold and sad and no matter how hard he’s trying not to - he still wants Callum. 

The realisation hits him like a brick. He just cries and cries and cries, letting the tears flow freely. His throat burns as the sobs loudly escape him, his body shaking at the noise. He buries his head in the sheets, trying to calm him down, but the attempt is in vain because all he can smell is Callum, and that just makes him worse. He lets it all out: the anger, the pain, the love, the want, the need. He weeps, until eventually the tears subside and his body stops shaking and he falls into a sleep, dreaming in technicolour of Callum.

Rain batters down, hitting against the window with rapture. It stains the glass, droplets sticking against it, glistening in the sunlight that gladly sneaks out from behind the dark grey, miserable clouds that swirl in the sky. 

Inside, the bedroom is a personified reflection of the sorrowful clouds. 

It’s been a restless night for Ben. He’s woken up at least once every hour, he’s certain of that. The bed sheets tangle around his legs, tightening their hold on him with every inch of movement he attempts to make. He listens to the rain as it pours down outside, the sound all consuming. From his position, he can just about see the outside world through sleep bleary eyes. He watches as the rain trickles down the glass, collecting other droplets along the way, changing direction continuously until it eventually stills. It’s a comforting sight for Ben, one that he’s grateful for - purely for the distraction it brings.

He rests his head against his pillow, allowing himself to sink right into it, begging and praying for a level of comfort to reach him. Instead of solace, he finds himself with a sick feeling, right in the pit of his stomach. It creates a horrible feeling in his mouth, his throat burning with bile. He’s still, trying to refrain from moving for as long as possible, fearing that he will throw up if he makes any sudden movements. In the end, his stomach lets out a rumble and his throat goes dry and that’s when he realises he hasn’t eaten or drank for nearly an entire day.

He rolls over onto his side, his eyes burning, tears already threatening to fall out. With his right hand, he reaches over across his bed, feeling as the cotton sends a warm jolt across his skin as the pressure burns him. His fingers are spread wide and he grasps onto the pillow when his touch reaches it. The material bunches up in his hand and he pulls at it, bringing the pillow closer to his face. He lets out a whimper at the distinctive scent of Callum, still lingering on the sheets. He misses him, still. Even after everything, he still misses him. He hates himself for it, despises himself for missing Callum, for still wanting him. Tears fall down, collecting onto the pillow, soaking it and his skin as the sobs grow and grow and grow.

Eventually, aches and tiredness take over his body and his sobs subside as he pushes through the exhaustion. He stands with wobbly legs and pulls at the bedsheets, ripping them off of his bed and throwing them to the floor, not caring if they tear or rip or a button pops off of them. He bundles them all into one huge ball and he bends down to pick them up when his head goes dizzy and his eyesight blurs in quick succession. His neck burns searingly and he wipes his eyes clean as he remains there, crouching on his bedroom floor. He breathes in and out deeply, and finally picks up his bed sheets, holding them in a ball in his hands and across his forearms.

He manages a few steps, just about walking through his bedroom door when he hears a tapping coming from downstairs. He knows someone is at the front door, waiting for him to answer. The knocking repeats, and Ben sighs, throwing the laundry to the floor once again as he walks downstairs, praying that his knees won’t buckle from underneath him. He’s cursing Jay underneath his breath, convinced that it’s him standing on the other side of the door, because nobody else would be stupid enough to go around. Except, when he swings the door open with a roll of his eyes, it’s not Jay. 

It’s Callum, standing there with a beautiful smile beaming across his face. 

There’s an awkward silence between them for a second or two, as Ben’s brain fires into overdrive, questioning everything. Had he imagined the last day of his life? Had he dreamt it? 

The quiet is broken apart by Callum first, who tries to take a step forward, closer to Ben and closer to gaining entrance to the house as he speaks. “I think I left my keys here.” Callum says. “Did you not get my messages?”

Ben’s hands fire out, his palms rough against Callum’s chest, pushing against him, trying to get him away from the front door. Callum lets out a huff and a wince and he’s got confusion striking him across his face. His hands come up to meet Ben’s, their fingers somehow perfectly slotting between one another as he pulls whilst Ben pushes. 

“What’re you doing?” Callum shouts. “What’s happened? What’s wrong?”

Ben shakes his head, as if to brush Callum’s words away. He ignores his questions completely. “I’m sure you can afford a new set.” He spits venomously. 

Callum narrows his eyes. “What are you going on about?” 

Ben pushes against Callum for one final time, conceding that he isn’t going to move. His hands leave Callum’s body and there’s an empty feeling that washes over him, the exact same feeling he’s had since yesterday morning when his world came shattering down around him at Jay and Lola’s confession. He lets out a scoff, crossing his arms tightly across his body, stopping himself from what he really wants to do - reaching out and hugging Callum. “I said.” Ben builds up. “I’m sure you can afford to buy a new set of keys. What with you being paid to be with me.” 

A shaky sob escapes Ben’s mouth as he turns on the balls of his feet, his back facing Callum and ignoring his protests. He walks away. His feet take him into his front room and he quickly wipes his eyes dry of any tears. There’s a quietude. Ben counts backwards from ten, and it’s when he reaches somewhere between seven and six that he hears the creaking of floorboards as Callum takes each step closer to Ben.

Ben can sense Callum standing behind him. There’s a familiar scent of cologne and a near warmth. Neither of them make a sound, until Callum stutters out his words. “I-I didn’t-”

A loud scoff erupts from Ben, rubbing his eyes in disbelief as he turns around to face Callum once again. “You didn’t what? You didn’t get paid to be with me? Because, from what I’ve heard, you did exactly that! D’you know how embarrassing that is, Callum? How humiliating? Do you even care?”

“Of course I care, Ben!” Callum shouts. “I care about you! I-”

“How can you? How can you care?” Ben shouts back, even louder. “How can you, when all of this was because of money. All we ever was, was because of money.”

Tears start to fall, cool liquid against Ben’s burning skin. Callum opens his mouth to speak, but no words make their way out. As quick as he tries to speak, he stalls to a stop. 

Ben sighs a wet exhale, his throat swelling up and turning dry. He speaks once again, with a lump in his throat he tries to push down. “I hate you, Callum.” He manages to get out, and there’s a moment where he tries desperately to retract his statement, to physically put the words back inside his mouth. 

The look on Callum’s face shatters Ben’s heart into tiny pieces - he looks so upset, with himself and with Ben’s words. 

Ben should stop there. He knows that, in his heart of hearts. But he needs to get this out. He can’t keep thinking about it, letting it eat him up inside. So he continues, irregardless of how Callum might feel. He just lets it all out, tears streaming down his face and neck, making his skin feel uncomfortable and sticky. “I hate the way you talk to me. You have this way of getting me to tell you all of my secrets within seconds.” He wipes at his cheeks and tries to look away from Callum, but his attempt is in vain. There’s this pull towards Callum. He can’t stop looking at him. He never has. “I hate the way you style your hair, and how long it takes you. Even when I think you’re done, you’re not.” 

A sad chuckle escapes Callum’s mouth and he stretches his arms out towards Ben, begging to touch him.

“No.” Ben whispers out harshly, batting Callum’s hands away and stepping back, creating a short distance between them once again. “I hate the way you always sing along to the radio when you’re driving, even when you don’t know the words to songs and you make them up as you go. Especially then. I hate it when you stare. Don’t think I don’t see you doing that. I see it every time, no matter where we are or what we’re doing.” Ben narrows his eyes at Callum, dropping a hint that he knows Callum’s doing it right now, staring at Ben as if he’s going to self combust in front of him. As if he hung the stars and the moon in the night sky. 

“I hate the way you rub my knuckles every time you hold my hand, and the way that you can somehow always read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick.” The like right now goes unsaid, but they both know it’s implied. 

A sob escapes Ben and he tilts his head towards the floor, biting at his lip to stop him from shaking with tears. “I hate the way you’re always right. I hate the way that you lie.” A gasp comes from Callum, and Ben can see his bottom lip quivering. He continues. “I hate it when you make me laugh, but it’s even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that I didn’t even call.” A bitter laugh falls from his mouth and then Ben sighs. 

He takes a step forward, getting closer to Callum. He can tell that Callum thinks about moving backwards, but he eventually decides not to - instead just remaining where he stands. “But mostly.” Ben begins. “Mostly, I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.”

Silence fills the air, surrounding them with a claustrophobic feeling. Callum’s staring at the floor, wishing that it would somehow open up beneath him and swallow him whole. Ben’s words haven't hit him yet. The silence continues and then - “What?” Callum breathes out a shaky breath as he slowly lifts up his head, staring at Ben with stinging red eyes. He shakes his head in disbelief, his eyes narrowed and his brows furrowing. 

A little laugh falls from Ben’s lips and he outstretches an arm, stepping forward and resting his hand on Callum’s bicep, allowing his thumb to stroke up and down the material that lays on his arm. “I don’t hate you Callum.” He admits. “How could I? You’re everything to me, you are. You’re all I’ve been thinking about. I’ve been miserable without you. I don’t hate you at all.” There’s a pause as Ben takes a breath, scared to let his next words out into the atmosphere. “The opposite, in fact.” 

Confusion strikes over Callum’s face, their eyes on one another. He feels the warmth of Ben’s touch, his thumb still soothing up and down. Oh . The opposite. “Are you serious?” Callum asks, moving his body so that he gets to hold Ben’s hand. Their fingers intertwine as Ben nods, a shy smile creeping onto his face. Callum lets his thumb warmly brush over Ben’s knuckles as he speaks. “I love you.” He admits, and it’s like a weight has been taken off of both their shoulders as those words are finally spoken - finally put out there in the universe, for all to know. 

Ben grins. “I love you too.” He finally hears himself say. It’s taken so long, but he finally understands what love is and he feels it wholeheartedly with Callum in his life. “I hate what you did, but I love you.”

Callum shakes his head. “It was stupid. I know that. I knew from the start. I should never have agreed to the money - and I never took any. I don’t think Lola was ever going to give me anything, it was just a way of getting me to meet you. I’ve regretted it every day since because the minute that I met you, I knew that was it. That you, are it .”

A soft, gentle hand cups Ben’s cheek and Callum leans in for an even softer kiss. He smiles to himself as Ben pushes up into the embrace. The kiss makes everything make sense. It’s as though everything that they have been waiting for has been perfectly worth it. It’s all butterflies and light, sparks on skin and warm breath, warm hands and warm hearts. Callum pulls away and he’s grateful he’s the one to make that move because it means he catches Ben off guard, standing there with closed eyelids, mottled pink skin and glossy lips with the most beautiful smile Callum’s sure he’s ever seen. He rests his forehead against Ben’s and just stays there that moment, pleading that he could stay there forever. “Please forgive me.” He whispers out, only for Ben to hear. 

Ben lets his eyelids flicker open. “Reckon I could.” Ben says, staying in that position. “Maybe one more kiss though.” 

Callum grins with a laugh of relief and concedes, kissing Ben and never letting go.